Mother I strive to be

7/29/2019 Mother I strive to be

1/35


2/35

The Mother I Strive To Be 1

contentswhat kind of mother do you want to be? by Tairalyn Ciulla from Little Miss Mama ..................................... 2

i strive to be a mom who by Melissa Carr from The Thirties Grind ............................................................. 5

is wanting the best for your children a good thing? by Amy Lee from The Connection We Share ....... 7

the mother i aspire to be? by Julie Nowell from JulieNowell.com .................................................................. 10

the mother i strive to be by Eschelle Westwood from Mumfection............................................................... 13

the mother i strive to be by Taslim Jaffer from Let ME Out!! ........................................................................... 16

the mother i strive to be by Katie Smith from worldbysmith ............................................................................ 19

a good mother: the mother i strive to be by Lori McGrath from The Write Mama .................................. 21

the mother and step-mother i strive to be by Kristina Cross from Swank Mama ....................................... 25

the mother i strive to be by Brandee Foster from One Crazy Kid .................................................................. 28

dear self by Jessica Blumel from North Shore Mama ..................................................................................... 32


3/35


what kind of mother do you want to be?By Tairalyn Ciulla from Little Miss Mama

This question came to me when I posted a

recent response from Jada Pinkett-Smith,

that went completely and utterly ape. With

over 19,000 likes, 2,800 shares, and 948

comments, it seemed to raise some serious

questions and tugged at a few's heart-strings.

But as for me, it had more of a spring-board

effect which had me pondering just whatkind of mother I wanted to be.

In case you missed the original post on the Little Miss Mama's Fan Page, here is how it

went:

When Jada Pinkett-Smith was asked why she let her daughter Willow, shave her head,

this is what she said: "This subject is old but I have never answered it in its entirety. And

even with this post it will remain incomplete. The question why I would LET Willow cut

her hair. First the LET must be challenged. This is a world where women, girls are

constantly reminded that they don't belong to themselves; that their bodies are not

their own, nor their power, or self-determination. I made a promise to endow my little

girl with the power to always know that her body, spirit, and her mind are HER domain.

Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the

length of her hair. It's also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT

to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother's deepest

insecurities, hopes, and desires. Even little girls should not be a slave to thepreconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be. More to come.

Another day."

With the reactions that I got from this post, both positive and negative, myself along

with 10 other amazing mama blogger decided to ask ourselves, this same loaded
http://www.littlemissmama.com/2013/01/the-kind-of-mom-i-want-to-be.htmlhttp://www.littlemissmama.com/2013/01/the-kind-of-mom-i-want-to-be.htmlhttp://www.littlemissmama.com/2013/01/the-kind-of-mom-i-want-to-be.html


4/35


question, what kind of mother's do we want to be? I am the first, of the eleven

bloggers, to scratch the surface of our personal motherhood desires. I am almost

certain that this is a Blog Train you mother's or mama-to-be's are not going to wan't to

miss. Sparking conversions, internal thoughts, and personal promises, this is a great way

to give yourself something to chew on. A starting point on what kind of mother you

desire to be.

Sitting down, and getting this

all out on paper, posed to be

very interesting to me. A lot

of describing words poured

out of me, ink to paper. Itwas incredible really... just to

see what I wanted for Sofia,

for me, for my family.

Loving, Strong, Passionate, Open-Minded, Fun, Energetic, Nurturing, Patient,

Understanding, Creative, Trustworthy, Loyal, Selfless, Wise, Dependable, Affectionate,

and Inspiring

What I feel that it all boils down to, for me, is a perfect combination between mother

and best friend. Not always a welcomed idea by others, I believe that if the recipe

bodes well, mixed just right, like the perfect chocolate chip cookies recipe, I will create

a heavenly-sweet mother daughter relationship. With discipline, respect, and loads of

positive encouragement. A healthy dose of love, understanding, patients, and fun. I can

only hope that Sofia will grow up with enough respect, confidence, and explosive

passions to follow her most wildest dreams. As I do plan to sketch up boundaries

where they are needed, I want Sofia to be her own person, strong enough to give heropinions, and smart enough to know she's entitled to them. Passionate enough about

her dreams to worry her daddy, but wise enough to know she can do anything she puts

her mind to. But what I want most of all for Sofia, is for her to know that anything she

chooses to do, I am behind her the entire way. I will be a open-minded enough to let


5/35


her go, growing into the woman she is supposed to be, but affectionate enough to

show her she is not taking this journey alone.

This is the mother I strive to be.

tairalyn ciulla

Im a sweets person, a spur of the moment person, and the

kind of person who has a love hate relationship with Reality

TV.

Im a loud person, Im a proud person, and the kind of

person who changes an outfit 8 times before walking out the

door.

Im a pedicure person, a dramatic story teller, and a person

that takes the word loyalty seriously.

I'm a person who loves, to be loved. And who surrounds themselves with family and

friends because they are what make my life so warm.

Im a true believer than Mondays should not exists, your birthday should be celebrated

all month long and Christmas should be a feeling you can bottle up.

I believe that Calories can go to hell in a handbag - along with Contract Small Print,

Garden Weeds and Single Pane Windows.

I only drink Tea from Fine China, your dreams should always scare you and Im a true

believer that perseverance will one-day pay off.

Fashion consumes my life. I love to live outside the box if not for a trend then for

reaction sake.
http://www.littlemissmama.com/http://www.littlemissmama.com/http://www.littlemissmama.com/http://www.littlemissmama.com/http://www.littlemissmama.com/http://www.littlemissmama.com/http://www.littlemissmama.com/http://www.littlemissmama.com/http://www.littlemissmama.com/


6/35


i strive to be a mom whoBy Melissa Carr from The Thirties Grind

1. Gets to sleep in on the weekendthis is not selfish. Teaching my children to fend

for themselves for a few hours is going to make them more independent human beings.

2. Refuses to read parenting booksaside from the best seller I will one day write, I

find parenting books, in general, just another way for me to feel bad about or question

what I am doing. I aspire to be a mom who trusts her instincts, second guesses herself

and feels guilty the old fashioned way.

3. Doesnt pee every time she sneezesokay not EVERY time. Surely this istemporary, right? Kegals, you suck.

4. Doesnt judge other moms. If you say youve never tutted at another moms

behaviour/philosophyI say liar, liar pants on fire. I am guilty of this and Im not

proud of it. People in glass houses and all that. So, no more judgingexcept for you,

lady driving while texting with the toddler in the back seat eating a bag of Cheetos and

pounding a two litre of CokeI am TOTALLY judging you.

5. Always has time for my kidseven when I dont.

6. Can pee (i.e. not when Im peeing my pants #3 above) alone and in silence. Again,

this is not selfish. Children should learn about privacyand to respect it.

7. Doesnt pretend to be perfect. The people I admire the most are the ones who are

themselves, for better or worse. I want my kids to know I am not June Cleavernor

do I want to be. I am a rockstar in my own right

8. Tells and shows her kids that she loves themevery.single.day. Through words,

actions, hugs when they need them and kisses when they dont want them. I strive to

love the CRAP out of my kidsand, I guess I win because I already do.
http://thethirtiesgrind.com/2013/01/23/the-mother-i-strive-to-be/http://thethirtiesgrind.com/2013/01/23/the-mother-i-strive-to-be/http://thethirtiesgrind.com/2013/01/23/the-mother-i-strive-to-be/


7/35


melissa carr

Melissa Carr is a mom, writer and communications

professional. Named Vancouver's Top Mom Blogger

of 2012, Melissa says that life in your thirties is a grind.

She writes, "It was not until recently that I realized

that most of us in our thirties are in the same boat...a

boat that almost always feels like it is slowly sinking!"

But in the end, this grind is worth it. Her blog,

www.thethirtiesgrind.com, is home to the popular

Absurd Vancouver Property and REAL Real

Housewives of Vancouver series. She discusses all

that life in your thirties holds, and her personality and

writing style are the glue that brings it all together.
http://thethirtiesgrind.com/http://thethirtiesgrind.com/http://thethirtiesgrind.com/http://thethirtiesgrind.com/http://thethirtiesgrind.com/http://thethirtiesgrind.com/http://thethirtiesgrind.com/


8/35


is wanting the best for your children a good thing?By Amy Lee from The Connection We Share

Just like you, I want the best for my children.

I want them to live a happy, joyful life.

I want them to find their passions so they can live a life of purpose.

I want them to take care of their bodies so they can live a healthy life.

I want them to be the best people they can be so they will be loved by others.

See a common thread here? I WANT so many things for my children.

Of course I do, why wouldnt I? I created these little people and I love them so dearly,of course I want the best for them.

One of the wisest, most soulful man Ive ever met shared with me his definition of love

(and Im paraphrasing here because he shared this with me on several occasions). He

said

I pondered this definition for quite

some time and I came to the

conclusion that he is absolutely right.

Speaking from my own upbringing,

my parents wanted many things for

me to follow a certain religious

belief, to accomplish certainacademic achievements.yes, they

wanted those things for me with the

best intentions. For me, since I was

forced into those beliefs and actions,
http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/


9/35


it made me rebel and somehow feel I wasnt loved because I wasnt living up to their

standards. Of course that is my own perception but that is the case never-the-less.

From this experience, I do have to agree that wanting things for my children only puts

pressure on them to perform and live up to my standards. This might not be healthiest

thing since they will always try to be the person I want them to be instead of being the

person they are meant to be.

As my children grow and discover themselves, Im sure they will do many things that

challenge my ideals. I have to let go of my own expectations and trust that I have raised

them with healthy values and

fundamentals that theyll make their

best decisions. I have to give them

space to grow.

That is the mother I strive to be and

this is my promise. I have to live by

example and be the change I want to

see in my children (and I credit

Ghandi). I will show them healthy

values by my actions and I will live by

my manifesto so my children will

follow.

*Click on the image to download the Mothers Manifesto
http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/tips-for-mothers/how-to-be-a-good-mother/


10/35


Hello mothers! Im Amy Lee, the gal behind The

Connection We Share.

If youd like you children to know how much they are

loved and cherished by connecting and bonding with

them, then this is the place.

Here, youll find how I and other moms connect with our

children to strengthen our bond with them.

We spend quality time together doing fun things, wecreate new experiences together, we write them

lettersand we photograph our time together so our children will remember what a

great childhood theyve had because they are loved.

Im also a Vancouver children photographer who celebrates relationshipsespecially

the relationship between a mother and each of her children, no matter how old. I help

mothers create tangible expressions of love by combining photography with letters they

write to their children.

I believe the value of your words coupled with photography are positive affirmations

and tangible reinforcements of your love for your children and it creates a stronger

mother-child bond.

And my 3rd major identity Im a mother.

From mending ouchies to eating pasta on the floor, I do it all.

I realize I cant be the perfect mother and I cant be Supermom. Im always learning to

be a better mom and I know what kind of mother I strive to be. Ive decided at this

stage of my life (and my childrens life) that as long as Im being patient, present and

loving, Im doing good.

Join the conversations with Amy on Facebook.
http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/http://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/http://www.facebook.com/connectionwesharehttp://www.facebook.com/connectionwesharehttp://www.facebook.com/connectionwesharehttp://www.facebook.com/connectionwesharehttp://www.facebook.com/connectionwesharehttp://blog.theconnectionweshare.com/


11/35


the mother i aspire to be?By Julie Nowell from JulieNowell.com

The Vancouver Top 30 Bloggers are talking about the mother they strive to be this

month. When the topic first came up I poo-pooed it thinking I am already the mother I

want to be

And its true. I am fine with who I am as a person. But as a mom . . . well, we are ALL

lacking in a few areas, arent we?

So, pen to paper, I decided on a few things that would make me a better mother if I

could manage them.

The mother I strive to be:

1. Is fit enough to always run with her kids. and skip, and jump and wiggle. (without

dribbling is only a plus!)

2. Can craft masterpieces from bits collected in the garden. In fact, can craft

anything and not have it look like a toddler made it.

3. Always has enough time to listen, or play, or snuggle. Like ALWAYS. and

happily, without complaint.

4. Creates meals that entertain and nourish, (and that they will eat). And lets get

even more specific here ONE meal the ENTIRE family will eat my short

order cook days are limited.

5. Remembers to pluck her eyebrows. Every month. It makes me feel pretty and it

is such a simple thing, but impossible to remember.

6. Can teach them how to throw a fastball (and not cry when someone throws itback)

7. Is okay talking about sex. (ugh . . didnt even want to write sex!)

8. Enjoys endless hours of puppet shows. (enjoys, like really, honestly enjoys)

(without a drink in hand enjoys . . )

9. Can sing, or play guitar . . . or preferably both.
http://julienowell.com/the-mother-i-aspire-to-be/http://julienowell.com/the-mother-i-aspire-to-be/http://julienowell.com/the-mother-i-aspire-to-be/


12/35


10.Can walk in stilettos and knows how to do winged eye liner (yes, I know

winged eyeliner is HARD!)

11.Will hold a spider just to examine it, or so someone else can. (or another creepy

bug like creature)

12.Doesnt fall asleep playing barbies. Or building lego. (and doesnt always make

the games we play about them brushing my hair or rubbing my back)

13.Hand makes amazing Halloween costumes or even just hand makes anything

wearable. (and no, putting the muddy buddy on the toddler and calling him a

fisherman does NOT count)

14.Doesnt mind snot, or vomit. Or blood. Or any combination.

15.Doesnt always have to win at monopoly *

As this list was compiled, one thing became apparent. I am not the perfect mother, or

even close to it . . . and apparently I think I should be more like Maria from the sound

of music

Weird. . .

*about the monopoly thing. I am teaching them the skills and logic that will apply to life.

And I have a system . . . a good system. I cant throw my system can I?


13/35


Just a simple mom, running a simple blog and

trying to change the world

Seriously trying to change the world, one mom

at a time!

I live hard, work hard & playwell, hard! A

blogger at www.julienowell.com and a creative

catalyst at www.threechickenconsulting.com I talk

about happiness and yes, I am changing the world. . . want to join me?
http://julienowell.com/http://julienowell.com/http://julienowell.com/http://julienowell.com/http://julienowell.com/http://julienowell.com/http://www.threechickenconsulting.com/http://www.threechickenconsulting.com/http://julienowell.com/


14/35


the mother i strive to beBy Eschelle Westwood from Mumfection

When I think of the mother that I strive to be sadly

, which again is yet another reason why Mumfection, is so important to

me.

Those differences that make us not perfect should be

celebrated; and who is to say what perfect is anyways? I certainly dont think it is the

seemingly perfect mothers we have come into contact with; and whos to say that

every family will have the same answer? Everyones idea of perfection is different and allof us try so hard to strive for someone elses version. Just breathe, stop and parent

from your heart, dont over think things or compete with other mothers. We need to

stick together as women and as moms.

When I think about motherhood I

think, as I am sure many of you do,

of a lot of things that scare me. All

the worrying, doubting and secondguessing is enough to make you go

nuts. Because of this fact and

perhaps also because of the Zooey

Deschanel problem** (as I like to

call it), I decided very early that I

was going to rewrite motherhoods

expectations. That I would create

my very own breed of mom, myown form of motherhood and

ultimately re-write how I perceived perfection. That I believed in celebrating what

makes all of us our own perfect parent. My family and I learned over time how to make

things work in our house: we created strict bedtimes with a solid routine, learned that

room sharing just wasnt for us, and learned to smile even in the toughest times. These

are things we do that make our family perfect to us, and they might not be right for
http://www.mumfection.com/2013/01/the-mother-i-strive-to-be.htmlhttp://www.mumfection.com/2013/01/the-mother-i-strive-to-be.htmlhttp://www.mumfection.com/2013/01/the-mother-i-strive-to-be.html


15/35


everyone and tha t is okay by me.

My concept of Mumfection is an understanding that you and all mothers like you and

before you are not perfect. Instead we find and adapt a new form of perfection all our

own, a way of doing things that is completely unique to each and every one of ourfamilies. Mumfection is a concept to be thought of as liberating, freeing and above all

else comforting; a form of perfection that wasnt scary or intimidating. Something all

mothers from all walks of life could learn to embrace so that all of us could be the

mother that we strive to be.

I want us all to come together, to sit

and reflect on how we do things in

our own homes and to smile aboutit. For the mother that I strive to be

is someone who is strong willed

and honest with herself and the

others around her. We have to try

not to compare ourselves to the

Joness, June Cleavers, Martha

Stewarts or again Zooey

Deschanels of this world. Because

through all the struggles, tears, juice

spills and poop smears there is

nothing but joy and yes our own perfection.

**Zooey Deschanel problem: the concept that all woman must now cook, clean, care

for children, have full time jobs, make everything from scratch, have perfect bodies, an

overly bubbly personality, create incredible arts and crafts pieces and do it all in stilettos

and cute little dresses while singing songs as birds fly around our heads thank you

Pinterest


16/35


eschelle westwood

I am a dedicated young mother to two

wonderful, though mischievous at times,

boys. I love them dearly and as cruel fate

would have it they are exactly like myself and

my hubby. Clearly giving us a run for our

money on a daily basis. My two boys manage

keep me constantly: cleaning, bending, wiping

bums, cleaning more, setting up things, taking

down things, trying to wrangle them foractivities and all that GREAT stuff. Then of

course clean up all over again. Once again for

good measure.

After my first son was born, pretty close to

our news about the second little man, I

decided to start blogging. I deeply love my blog and I quickly realized it's incredible

capabilities. Since then I haven't looked back, only forward with my blogging pursuitsand I have learned so much and created an amazing community via Mumfection. I have

become a well-known Vancouver based blogger, social media marketer developing a

great name for myself, personal brand if you will. Quickly I harnessed the power that

social media can give and turned it into another job, and one I hold dear and take very

seriously. It can be harnessed to do so many amazing things.

In creating Mumfection I wanted moms to have a place to hang out and remember

we're only human and we can't always be complete perfection. That perfection maynot be attainable but Mumfection certainly was, and it means something different for

every mum and every family. After all we're all perfect to someone just like our kiddos

are perfect to us right??
http://www.mumfection.com/http://www.mumfection.com/


17/35


the mother i strive to beBy Taslim Jaffer from Let ME Out!!

The mother I strive to be today is not the mother I was hell-bent on being before I

actually gave birth. And in the last almost 6 years of motherhood, my ideals have been

fluid; some of my aspirations proved worthy of the time I invested in them while others,

frankly, didnt do much for me and my family. So I chucked them. For example, I once

swore Id never let my children see the inside of a McDonalds, and that Id only send

greens bars in my kids school lunches. Though I still have parameters around their

nutrition and cook the majority of our meals at home, I have yet to grow our own food

or raise our own chickens. The difference between pre-baby mama thoughts and post-baby mama thoughts is that I am not horrified at what Im not doing. In fact, Ive built

a whole business around celebrating strengths and finding balance and Im my own

guinea pig. So, here goes.

When the little feet cant keep up,

when butterfingers cause milk to splash or

spray or glasses to shatter, when eager

mouths want to talk about everything

under the sun when they should be eating

or washing up for the next thing in our

schedule, when yet another request for

building a castle comes my way...I ask the

God of Patience to remind me to BREATHE. And I want to more easily remember

how those little feet and fingers grow quickly and that one day, (no this wont reallyhappen, right?), Ill have to pry for information about their day/relationships/feelings.
http://www.letmeoutcreative.com/the-mother-i-strive-to-be/http://www.letmeoutcreative.com/the-mother-i-strive-to-be/http://www.letmeoutcreative.com/the-mother-i-strive-to-be/


18/35


I envision my 15 year old daughter and

I laying down together on her bed, arms entwined,

hair fanned out (our hair looks like a Pantene

commercial, actually quite gorgeous!), faces turned

toward each other in sweet confidence. She tells me

about this boy and I smile and ask questions. Then I

remind her hes only after one thing. Oh no, wait.

That might kill the conversation. But somehow, in a

really cool, approachableway, Ill work that in. Ill

keep an open mind when she says she wants to go to

the movies with him, even as my stomach ties itself in

knots. So, if thats my goal in another 9 years, then the mother I am today shouldreflect that. Im trying; I ask her who she played with and how she felt about such and

such. And every morning I climb into bed with her, put my face in her soft tresses and

breathe in her gorgeous scent.

I cant think of a bigger incentive for being healthy than experiencing a long,

vibrant life with my family. I want to see them grow up, and showup in this world as

the unique individuals they are. Whatever they choose to do with their lives get

married, have children, start up businesses, or something so wild that I cant even come

up with it right now whatever they choose, I want to be there. No, not just bethere.

I want to be their loudest, wildest cheerleader (if I could pull off a skirt that short, thatd

be a bonus!). I want to shout encouragement and never lose my breath. I want our

family to bond over Nature in a more hands-on, active way. And most of all, I want

them to learn to take care of their bodies, too. I think I just talked myself into a new

exercise regime. Funny how that happens.

As a mother, I already know I have unconditional love for my

children; I think my biggest job is to showthemthat daily. My words, my actions, my

body language should all reflect that. Mistakes are just that. Asking them for

forgiveness and granting them theirs should come as easy as breathing. Demonstrating

empathy goes a long way in shaping these wee ones. The mother I strive to be always


19/35


remembers that children, of all ages, are like cups that need to be filled daily with kind

words, loving actions and loads of hugs and smiles.

The mother I strive to be also remembers to show herself that same unconditional love

and empathy especially on the days when being patient, approachable, and active aredifficult. Or when smiles end up as frowns. Its ok.

Nobodys infallible; I certainly dont want to teach my children otherwise.

taslim jaffer

Taslim is the voice behind the blog, Let ME Out!!

Releasing Your Creative Self, the author of a

creativity workbook calledTuesday Tasks, and

creator of the inspirational, pay-it-forward Make-A-

Wave Cards. Her words also live in various

anthologies including the Heartmind Wisdom

Collection coming out this year. Her days are jam-

packed with two kids on two different school

schedules, playdates, making meals, avoidinggrowing laundry piles, writing and fundraising for

Pandoras Collective. You can also find her on stage,

spreading life-gained wisdom and joy.
http://www.letmeoutcreative.com/http://www.letmeoutcreative.com/http://www.letmeoutcreative.com/http://letmeoutreleasingyourcreativeself.bigcartel.com/product/tuesday-tasks-52-activities-designed-for-an-entire-year-of-creativityhttp://letmeoutreleasingyourcreativeself.bigcartel.com/product/make-a-wave-cardshttp://www.heartmindwisdom.com/taslimjafferhttp://www.pandorascollective.com/http://www.pandorascollective.com/http://www.heartmindwisdom.com/taslimjafferhttp://letmeoutreleasingyourcreativeself.bigcartel.com/product/make-a-wave-cardshttp://letmeoutreleasingyourcreativeself.bigcartel.com/product/tuesday-tasks-52-activities-designed-for-an-entire-year-of-creativityhttp://www.letmeoutcreative.com/


20/35


the mother i strive to beBy Katie Smith from worldbysmith

Comparison is the thief of joy and isn't motherhood supposed to be joyous? That's

what they say anyways.... So, join me as I say 'to hell with comparison!' it's just so

exhausting...

As a new mom I remember people saying the most ludicrous things to me, like that if I

didn't nurse William for a least one year he would grow up to have weak hand eye

coordination! Can you imagine saying that to a first time, sleep deprived mama ? Truth

is, I was stru.gg.ling to get the hang of it and what I needed was reassurance, not a big

dump of 'my way is better than yours'. And while I am being truthful here I can be just

as appalling, once judging parents who had to find alternate care for their kids and

resorted to *gasp* daycare as if they just couldn't possibly care for their babes as much

as I did mine! Wouldn't you know it, not long after I am in a similar situation, red faced

with shame to think that I dare judge someone else's journey.

Now that I am two kids deep into this motherhood gig, it's becoming clear that this is

no game, no one is declared a winner and by trying to outrace the other 'villagers'

around you, it just ends up in a big pile of suck city! What if we all clung to the idea that

our kids are a perfect match to us and that we already have everything we need inside

of us to parent them. Intuition, love, experience, they are all powerful resources that

tell us, deep inside when somethings working and when it isn't. To parent from a place

of possibility and not fear. To stop measuring against somebody elses babies

development or academic ability or quick return into their 'skinny jeans'. To find joy in

discovering our kids strengths and helping them grow stronger in those areas. To find

our most liberating calling in being their biggest cheerleaders and a soft landing whenthey need it. I want my kids to not fear being left out on the playground, not because it

won't happen but because they've been brought up to be confident and resourceful

and not solely finding their approval from their peers. That they wouldn't know that it's

not always their turn but that indeed they are something special. I want to be the kind

of home that my kids bring their friends too, because it's safe and warm and happy. I
http://www.worldbysmith.com/2013/01/blog-series-mother-i-strive-to-be.htmlhttp://www.worldbysmith.com/2013/01/blog-series-mother-i-strive-to-be.htmlhttp://www.worldbysmith.com/2013/01/blog-series-mother-i-strive-to-be.html


21/35


want my kids to know they have a purpose, not because I gave up on mine and am

seeking a better life for them, but because they see two parents living an adventure and

now they don't know any other way. I want to parent them to be quick to laugh and

slow to think the worst. To be full of wonder and conversation even when I am just

begging them to play the quiet game for just 5 more minutes. This kind of mother I

want to be is one that is rooted in a deep sense of confidence, and not using my

insecurities to be a shield when my kids make mistakes and need my guidance.

And it doesn't really matter if I say all this, because inside of you, you know it, you know

what's best for your kids and what they need to feel loved. So, trust yourself. This is my

kind of motherhood, what is yours?

katie smith

Katie Smith is a thirty-something mama living

in the heart of Vancouver with her creative

genius husband and two kids under five.

Family, career and how to find all the free

parking downtown are among her top

priorities. Created in 2007, worldbysmith has

become a way to capture just exactly how

extraordinary life can be, even if it means 50%

of the posts fall under a mom:fail, like

forgetting to send your kids to school in

costume on Halloween.
http://www.worldbysmith.com/http://www.worldbysmith.com/


22/35


a good mother: the mother i strive to beBy Lori McGrath from The Write Mama

As the 40-something mother of an active four-year-old boy, I have an ongoing struggle

to make it through each week of activities, play dates, snack time, story time, bath time,

bedtime, meal planning, groceries, cooking, dishes, laundry, organizing, managing

household finances and housework. I blog, yoga, scrapbook, read and play on social

media in my "spare" time. I get the occasional date with my husband of seven years and

some fun moms nights out. I do the best that I can. But I always feel like there is

something better or more I could be doing to be a good mother.

As a mother, I have struggled with the fundamental question of my identity after making

the choice to stay at home with my child while he is young. Before I had the baby, when

someone asked me about myself, I always led with my career "I do communications."

Since I put my career on pause after maternity leave, I have struggled with what to say,

veering from "I used to do communications but now I stay home with my child" to "I do

part-time freelance work" to "I'm a stay at home mom" or "I blog" - all of which have

been true at some point over the past few years.

During last week's inspirational talk

in Vancouver, Oprah proposed

that the questions you really need

to answer are"Why are you here?

or "What is your calling?" My aha

moment as I write this is that I have

actually found some answers

during my years of motherhoodand struggles with identity.

I am called to be a mother and a writer.

For a long time, I was a writer who didn't write. Of course, I've written tons of business

communications for my job but nothing for myself that I was passionate about. Now
http://thewritemama.com/2013/01/31/a-good-mother-the-mother-i-strive-to-be/http://thewritemama.com/2013/01/31/a-good-mother-the-mother-i-strive-to-be/http://thewritemama.com/2013/01/31/a-good-mother-the-mother-i-strive-to-be/


23/35


that I have my blogThe Write Mama, I write for the fun of it. I write because I must. I

write about being a mother.

We struggled for so long to become pregnant and when our son came into our lives I

was in awe. I am so in love with this little person who surprises me and amazes meevery day with his antics and accomplishments. I am so thankful for my husband who

loved me through my fear of never being able to have our child and never let me give

up no matter what. Our family is complete and the question I had in the back of mind

over the years about what is missing has been answerednow that I am a wife and

mother.

But being a mother - a good mother - is a tricky little ledge to stand on.

Who could forget this cover story by Time, "Are you

Mom Enough?" This article discussed the

popularattachment parentingmethod developed by

Dr. William Sears, but what stunned the world and got

people talking was this photo of Jamie Lynne Grumet

breastfeeding her 3-year-old boy.

I'm certain that Jamie Lynn chose attachment parentingbecause she believes following Dr. Sears' methods of

developing a close bond with her child will make her a

good mother.

As for the breastfeeding aspect - the truth is, breastfeeding is easy for some moms and

a struggle for others. For me, as the mother of a premature baby, breastfeeding was

extraordinarily difficult, but something I could do for my son when I felt so helpless

about the situation we were in and because there was so much that I couldn't do. Eachof us needs to make our own choices about whether to breastfeed, how long to

breastfeed and when enough is enough. What was really unfortunate about this photo

was the way it invited us to judge Jamie Lynne who, just like every other mother, is

doing the best she can.
http://thewritemama.com/http://thewritemama.com/http://thewritemama.com/http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parentinghttp://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parentinghttp://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parentinghttp://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parentinghttp://thewritemama.com/


24/35


And who could forget the headlines last

year when Yahoo's new CEO, Marissa

Mayer, declared she would work through a

two-week maternity leave. A couple of

months after giving birth, she went on to

declare that having a new baby is easier

than everyone made it out to be.

When I heard about this, I was torn. I am impressed that Marissa Mayer is one of the

most powerful women in business. She has broken through the glass ceiling and is

enjoying tremendous career success. We need to see women and mothers being

successful in their chosen careers. My choices could not be more different thanMarissa's, but I respect her accomplishments.

However, I am disappointed at how she is currently portraying motherhood to the

media - that maternity leave is something you could or even should work through and

that having a baby is easy. I don't think this is a good message to send to any mother,

but maybe it is the message she thinks you need to send to your Board when you take

on a new senior executive position and announce you are pregnant.

I don't want to judge Jamie Lynne, Marissa or anyone else. Let's - as mothers - join

together to support each other up on that ledge. There is too much judgment already.

Because the truth is that having a child is not easy. And being a mother - a good mother

- is one of the hardest things I have ever done.

You might remember Jann Arden's lyrics to her song A Good Mother:

"I've got money in my pocket,

I like the color of my hair.

I've got a friend who loves me,

Got a house, I've got a car.

I've got a good mother,

and her voice is what keeps me here.


25/35


Feet on ground,

Heart in hand,

Facing forward,

Be yourself."

This is the kind of mother I strive to be. One who is present. One who is kind. The

heart of my family. The voice of love, support and understanding - someone to talk to

no matter what. A mother who will set boundaries and says yes to love and no to

unreasonable behaviour. The kind of mother who will encourage my son to be himself

and to find his own happiness in life, wherever that takes him. I strive to be the kind of

mother who explores and follows my own calling and purpose in life. So that I might

help my son discovers his.The honest truth is that sometimes I fail. I get mad and forget to be kind. I speak too

quickly and then remember to start with understanding. I work on the computer

instead playing with my son. I have to pause and remember why I am here...

I am a mother. A good mother.

lori mcgrath

Lori McGrath is a freelance writer living in

Metro Vancouver. She loves life as the mother

of a 4 year old boy and has an amazing husband

to share in the joys and challenges of

parenthood and life.

Catch up with Lori on her blogThe Write

Mamawhere she dishes on life, love,

motherhood and half-baked banana bread, on

herFacebook fan page or on Twitter

@thewritemama.
http://thewritemama.com/http://thewritemama.com/http://thewritemama.com/http://thewritemama.com/http://thewritemama.com/http://thewritemama.com/http://thewritemama.com/http://thewritemama.com/https://www.facebook.com/TheWriteMamahttps://www.facebook.com/TheWriteMamahttps://twitter.com/thewritemamahttps://twitter.com/thewritemamahttps://www.facebook.com/TheWriteMamahttps://twitter.com/thewritemamahttp://thewritemama.com/http://thewritemama.com/


26/35


the mother and step-mother i strive to beBy Kristina Cross from {swank}mama

Last year after our blog was recognized as one of the Top 30 Vancouver Mom Bloggers

of 2012 by Vancouvermom.ca, I never would have imagined that this humbling

recognition would have connected me to such a diverse group of inspirational,

outspoken, smart and intelligent women - who all continue to help support me through

my blogging journey. The relationships that have blossomed out of this very small, but

powerful, group has given me new-found faith that we, as women, can pass along these

positive values to our own kids.

When I think about the kind of mother I want to be for my children, I find myself

looking at the real people in my life - the ones with the positive attitudes, values and

influences. The ones that don't judge and the ones who enjoy life. The ones that display

compassion and the ones that arent afraid to right a wrong. I look at these combined

attributes and try to incorporate them into my parenting style, so that I can leave a

lasting impression on my children.

My family dynamic is a little different and unconventional than your traditional family - infact, it could probably be classified as a modern family. I have a 3 1/2 year old son and

an 8 month old daughter, as well as an almost 13 year old step-daughter who lives with

us full-time. The age differences and the fact that I'm a step-mom definitely makes for

an interesting home, which is why I've decided to split up my post into "The Mother I

Strive To Be" and "The Stepmother I Strive To Be":

1. I hope to be patient with my kids, but not too patient so that they'll walk all over me.

2. I want my kids to be able to make their own decisions, but also feel like they can

come to me when they need answers.
http://www.swankmama.com/2013/02/the-mother-and-step-mother-i-strive-to.htmlhttp://www.swankmama.com/2013/02/the-mother-and-step-mother-i-strive-to.htmlhttp://www.swankmama.com/2013/02/the-mother-and-step-mother-i-strive-to.html


27/35


3. I want to teach my kids to enjoy life, to not take everything so seriously and to be

spontaneous. I also want them to know when to be grounded, when to take things

seriously and when to think before they act.

4. I hope to teach them how to be respectful and use their proper manners. Thanks tomy son, I see now that kids are prone to repeat words, phrases and sentences that they

hear in their everyday lives - pretty much anything that comes out of Mommy or

Daddy's mouths. I now realize that I really have to watch what I say and try to practice

what I preach.

5. I want to be a mother first and a friend second. I am not your best friend, but a friend

that you can talk to when you need to. Don't get that twisted. I'm still your mom.

1. Although I am not her birth mother, I hope that my step-daughter will look up to me

as a parenting figure in her life.

2. I hope to set a good example of a strong woman, so that she will one day be one

herself.

3. I hope that she will continue to respect me throughout her teenage years {give mestrength!} and feel comfortable enough to come to me when she needs me.

4. I don't ever want to overshadow her own mother. I am there to help guide her

through life and to give her stability.

5. I hope that she feels that I don't ever treat her any different than I treat my own

children. There's a fine line between motherhood and step-motherhood, and although

at times it can be difficult for myself to distinguish that line, I don't want her to ever feel

left out. We are a family unit and were totally in it together.


28/35


Kristina Cross is a mother of two and step-

mother of one. She's currently enjoying her

maternity leave, recovering from her shopaholic

tendencies and still trying to figure out how to

balance her life. While pretending to be

domesticated and trying to salvage her mom

brain, Kristina tends to pour out her heart on her

blog, {swank}mama, as well as providing her

readers with personal product reviews andgiveaways. Follow her on Twitter at

@SwankMama.
http://www.swankmama.com/http://www.swankmama.com/http://www.swankmama.com/http://www.swankmama.com/http://www.swankmama.com/http://www.swankmama.com/http://www.swankmama.com/https://twitter.com/SwankMamahttp://www.swankmama.com/https://twitter.com/SwankMama


29/35


the mother i strive to beBy Brandee Foster from One Crazy Kid

When I think about the kind of mother that I strive to be, I cant quite say what exactly

that is. I am an ever changing and ever evolving person, and I think that this is true

when it comes to parenthood as well. Instead of reaching for the stars with some

unattainable expectations of myself, I think more about the kinds of things that are

important to me that my son know. I think of the messages that I want to pass on to

him, and the lessons and examples that I want him to see.

I want my son to know that he has been loved since the second that I knew about him,

and that I would, and will do anything to protect him and keep him safe. I also want him

to always know that I am his safe place to land, and that although I may not always agree

with the choices he makes, I will be there to help him pick up the pieces if things go

wrong.

I want to allow him to make his own choices. My parents did this for me, and for that I

will be forever grateful to them. Someday, it may mean letting him go when I dont feel

ready, but I need to trust that he has learned from us along the way, and believe that he

will make good decisions.

I want to allow him to be his own person. Even

at 4, he has such a big personality, and I never

want to squash that. I want to encourage him,

and foster his love of life, and music, and learning.

I want him to find the things that he loves, and is

passionate about, and throw himself into them

with abandon. I want him to dance, and to sing,

and to dream. I wont make all of the decisions

for him. If he want to have his hair long, then so

be it. Its his hair, and if that is the style that he likes, then Im ok with it. He knows that

we all make our choices, and that I might not like something that he does, and thats ok.
http://onecrazykid.com/http://onecrazykid.com/http://onecrazykid.com/


30/35


I want him to understand and know that it is ok to be different and that you dont have

to be the same as everyone else, and that it is good to be who you are.

I want him to be fit, and healthy, and active. I try to instill this through my own fitness.

He knows that I work out, and what I do when I work out, and where I go. He knowsthe days that I go and the classes that I take. He knows how important exercise is to

me, and how important it is in everyday life. I want him to grow up with a love of being

active, of playing sports and moving his body.

I want him to know competition, and that sometimes you can try your hardest, but still

not win. I want him to know that it is ok not to win, as long as you tried your hardest,

and gave it your all. I also want him to know that it is ok to want to win, and to make

that your goal. Competition is not a bad thing, and in a world where everyone gets aprize for participation, I want him to want to strive for more.

I want him to love, freely and deeply. I want him to know

what it is like to love someone more than you ever thought

possible. I want him to love his friends, and someday

choose a partner who loves him like he is the most precious

thing in the entire universe. I want to show him that love

does exist, and even though it may look easy, it takes work.

I want to teach him that you need to appreciate your friends

and not to be afraid to tell them how much they mean to

you. I want him to understand that sometimes people may

only be in your life for a short time, but that they were

always there for a reason.

I want to teach him the importance of fun. Sometimes you need to put on music in the

kitchen and dance. Sometimes a wrestling match on the bed first thing in the morning is

ok. Its good to be silly, and as adults we forget that a lot. No wonder we have such

high stress levels!

I want him to know that even when things are tough, they will get better, and to never

give up.


31/35


I also dont choose what, and who he plays with. Im not really cool with genderizing

toys, and having things that are girl toys and boy toys. I think that we need to stop

putting these expectations on our kids, and allow them to like what they like. There

will be enough time later for them to be judged on the things they like, why start so

early?

I want him to live without regrets. Take the choices that youve made, and the things

that you have done, and own them. Yes, they may not have been the best things, but

look at the lessons that you gained from them and move forward. Life is too short to

harbour regrets, and bad feelings.

I want him to trust. Himself and others. I want to instill in him that he can always trust

me, and that I will always be there to listen, no matter what. I want him to know thateven though I may not agree and I may not like what he has to say, I will not judge. I

want him to know that I trust him, and I want to continue to earn his trust every day.

I want to be patient, and forgiving, and teach him to do the same. I want him to

understand that these are things that are important, and that even though we all might

make mistakes and screw up from time to time, that the words Im sorry and Its ok

mean something.

Most of all, I want to allow him to be free. Free to make mistakes, and free to fall

down. Free to find the things that make him happy and make his heart sing.

I want to be strong when I need to be, but let him know that I am human as well, and

that Im not perfect. I want him to grow up with memories of the times spent with me,

and be able to look back at his childhood in 30 years and think of how great it was, and

how much he was loved by his mummy.


32/35


Brandee is a 30-something wife to a great guy and

mum to a very active 4 year old who keeps her

running from the time he gets up to the time he

goes to sleep. In in the daytime, she is a full time

working mum, and she started One Crazy Kid as

a way to have a chance to write about fun things

in their lives. She wanted to be able to share their

stories, and adventures, and through this she

remembered that she actually liked to write, andthat it wasn't just her job. She is also very

passionate about pole fitness, and the things that

she's have learned about herself while doing it,

and likes to chronicle her journey and challenges

there as well. This blog is part of how she is trying

to find a balance between her career, her family,

and not losing who she is as a person. Becoming a mum was one of the most fantastic

but challenging things she has ever done, and sometimes she likes to put things out

there in the hopes that she is not alone. She likes to laugh, talk, and find the unexpected

joys in life with her husband and her crazy kid. You can find her on Twitter as

@archaeolemurorFacebook at www.facebook.com/onecrazykidblog.
http://onecrazykid.com/https://twitter.com/Archaeolemurhttp://www.facebook.com/onecrazykidbloghttp://onecrazykid.com/http://www.facebook.com/onecrazykidbloghttps://twitter.com/Archaeolemur


33/35


dear selfBy Jessica Blumel from North Shore Mama

Our fabulous group of Vancouvermom.ca's Top 30 Mom Bloggers had so much fun

with our Christmas Traditions blog train that we decided to choose a new topic and do

another one. This time around, our theme is: The Mother I Strive To Be.

When I finally sat down to write this piece, I struggled with putting my thoughts and

feelings into words. I decided that I would write myself a letter, which I don't think I

have ever done before. So, here is the letter I have written to myself on the mother I

strive to be.

Dear Self,

There have been times since Portia was born, where I've seen you completely defeated,

frustrated and feeling so totally isolated and alone. I know you've cried and have blamed

yourself for many things since you became a mother. You have questioned your

decisions and regretted your mistakes. There have been many moments where you've

wanted to leave the house, run far away from your crying baby/needy toddler, and

never go back. I've watched you scream out loud alone in your car (and that was very

weird). I remember you envy some mornings when Brian would leave for work. I saw

the pain in your heart when 4 month-old Portia rolled off the couch and then sensed

the relief when you confided in friends who told you that happened to their babies too.

And whenever those fleeting moments of frustration, guilt, worry, and pain go away, I

watch you being happier than you knew was possible.

I've watched your life transform in ways that no one can prepare you for. You and Briansneak into Portia's room every single night before you go to sleep. You give her kisses

and tell her you love her. When you're out for a walk and Portia's tiny, soft hand finds

its way into your bigger, rougher hand, you fall in love with her like you did when she

was first born. I can feel your heart exploding with happiness when Portia wants to
http://northshoremama.ca/the-mother-i-strive-to-be-a-letter-to-myself/http://northshoremama.ca/the-mother-i-strive-to-be-a-letter-to-myself/http://northshoremama.ca/the-mother-i-strive-to-be-a-letter-to-myself/


34/35


cuddle with you even when you feel like you have 'things to do' and you 'don't have

time'. The satisfaction you get from making her laugh uncontrollably is beyond measure

and you wouldn't trade this crazy role of motherhood for anything in the world.

Never forget to steal extra hugs, even when Portia one day resists them. Make surePortia is always full, clean, clothed and warm enough. Don't let a day go by where you

both don't get fresh air. On the cold days, bundle your baby girl up warm. On the hot

days, make sure she has sunscreen and lots of water. Listen to her trying to form full

sentences and never wish-away the sights and sounds of learning. Take deep breaths

when you're feeling Frustration rear his ugly head. You now know that you can conquer

those emotions.

Spend those extra five minutes sitting in the car before daycare drop-off singingtogether to Raffi- even if you hoped to have those extra five minutes at work. Those

are five minutes you will never have back. Reflect back often on how quickly times goes

so that you don't take your time together for granted.

Appreciate having a 'tea party' on the floor for the 100th time; appreciate that you are

lucky enough to have Portia in your life that you get to have tea parties on the floor at

all. Encourage Portia to try new things and resist the urge to catch her every time she

falls. Let her work through a puzzle without pointing out the right piece. Allow her to

problem solve and question.

Teach her how to read and print the letters of the alphabet, but let her write her own

story.

Above all, go easy on yourself! Being a mother is the hardest thing you've ever done

and you're surely going to make so many more mistakes down the road.

If you follow your gut and believe in the decisions you are making, you will be the

mother that you strive to be.

Love Yourself.


35/35

Jessica (aka North Shore Mama) is a

soon-to-be mom of two girls and a

lover of all things North Shore. Jessica

enjoys good wine, traveling, nights on

the couch with her husband, and playing

with her toddler. If there were more

hours in a day, Jessica would spend that

time discovering and listening to new

music, reading her way through herbucket list of books and catching up

with friends & family. She is an avid list-

maker and never makes it through her

to-dos before starting up a new list.

Jessica likes to get lost in the world of

social media and to resurface back into

the world of motherhood, teaching and

blogging.
http://northshoremama.ca/http://northshoremama.ca/http://northshoremama.ca/http://northshoremama.ca/

Documents

Mother I strive to be