My Favorite My Life is Avergae

8/8/2019 My Favorite My Life is Avergae

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My favorite My life is avergae.com stories

Today, my friends and I got an American History test back. Our study group had chosen to ignore

textbooks in favor of Nerf Guns, and spent the evening before the test re-enacting the battles of the

American Revolution in my living room. We all got A's. MLIA

Today, I noticed my cousin was online (she's still in highschool), so I said "Why aren't you inschool young lady?" She replied "It's Aunt Jennie, I'm on her facebook stalking a guy I used todate." I'm glad old people do this too. MLIA.

Today, I threw away my old toothbrush after dropping it in the toilet. Since I did't have time torun to the store to buy a new one, I used the Star Wars one my friend had gotten me as a gag gift

last Christmas. I discovered that it plays the Star Wars theme, complete with quotes from theoriginal movies, while I'm brushing my teeth. I don't think I'll have any cavities next time I go tothe dentist. MLIA

Today I changed my desktop background to a photo I took of the Empire State Building. Then Ichanged my cursor to a blue dinosaur. Now I can play godzilla on my desktop when I'm bored.MLIA

Today I got pulled over for going 18 miles over the speed limit, when the cop got to my windowhe asked if I knew how fast I was going, I knew I was speeding but said no sir anyway. The copsaid "you were going 53 in a 35." I said "oh, I'm sorry sir, I'm Dyslexic" he looked at me and said"oh...I'm sorry have a good day." and walked back to his cop car and left. MLIA

Today, in biology we had a coin flip to decide which team would go first for our Evolutionjeopardy game. A girl on my team said we should choose tails, because animals have tails. Ipointed out that animals have heads too. MLIA

Today my boss walked into the office and I noticed a big gash on his head. I asked him whathappened and he told me it was a sports injury. he then went on to explain how during an intensegame of wii tennis he dove for a ball and his head went straight into his dresser. MLIA


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Today I was asking my kindergarten students questions. I asked, "What would you do if youbroke a friend's toy?" A girl raised her hand and answered, "Put the parts together so it looks likeit's fixed so that the next person who uses it thinks they broke it." I love my students. MLIA

Today, my mom got a call from the cafeteria at my brother's elementary school. Turns out hegave the cafeteria $400 he found on my parents dresser to buy the girl he likes a cookie. That'smore like it buddy. MLIA

Today, I asked my little cousin what he wanted to be for Halloween. he told me he wanted to bea cash register. I was confused so I asked him why and he said "That way when I go trick ortreating, I'll say "sorry cash only."" I envy my little cousin's mind. MLIA

Yesterday I was walking with my mum when she complained to me that she'd seen a poster for aNew Year's party....and they hadn't put the date on it. She wondered what I was laughing at.MLIA

Today we were discussing the morality of eating animals in my Ethics class. We were discussingthe food chain as a possible argument. My teacher asked if we (humans) were at the top of thefood chain and everyone said yes. Then someone a voice from the third row yelled, "No!Zombies are on top!" The teacher shrugged and wrote it on the board. MLIA

Today, I was bored in my health class. I wondered to myself, "I wonder if anyone really can read minds."

I then thought to myself, "Hey! If anyone in this room can read minds, cough now!" The kid next to me

caughed the looked over at me and smiled. I'm scared. MLIA.

Today, my grandpa came over for dinner. We have three doors to get into my house. The first

two he tried were locked and on the third door it was only a locked screen door. I hear HIGH-YA! I walk downstairs to find that Gramps broke down the screen door. 79 years old and still aboss. MLIA.

Today, I was pulled over for going 17 mph over the speed limit. The cop was asking me routinequestions about what might be in my car, and when he asked me if I had any weapons I informedhim that I had two Nerf swords in my trunk. The police officer laughed, and proceeded tochallenge me to a duel for the ticket. Guess who got off with a warning? MLIA.

Today, I was sitting in my Spanish class after a test. I noticed the person sitting next to mepretending to play the drums, and so I started to play the air guitar. My friend two rows overnoticed and began to fake sing into a microphone. We got the entire last row to play air band.MLIA


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Today, at the mall, an escalator was out of order. As a result, the traffic on the stairs becameespecially congested. Rather than fight through people, I chose to simply walk up the escalator. Itstill escapes me why no one else chose to do this too. MLIA.

Two days ago, I rearraged the number keys on a lab computer at my school so that they read 0-9,

instead of 1-9 and then 0. For the past two days the IT guy has been mystified as to why no one has

been able to login on that computer. He was even more mystified when I could login perfecly. He still

hasn't figured it out. I think I win. MLIA

Today, my mom and I were out shopping. We walked into a store and I recognized one of theguys working there as the cute lifeguard at the local pool. So, I waved and he smiled back. ThenI pointed him out to my mom. My mom looked a little surprised and walked up to him for what Iassumed to be a hello. Instead she said, "Andy! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" Ilove my awkward Mom.

Today was my homecoming dance. My mom came in my room to give me "the talk". She saidshe wanted to talk about sex, without missing a beat I asked, "Sure, what do you want to know?"She walked away, trying to hold in her laughter. MLIA

Today in English class, a student asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" The teacher, who isobviously big on grammar, asks, "I don't know, can you?" wanting the student to used the word"may." The student then shrugged, and said, "I guess I can," and walked out of class. MLIA

Today, I cut my finger on a band-aid box. The irony hurt more than the cut. MLIA.

Today, in cross country practice our coach made us do drills. One of them involved laying on ourbacks and pretending to pedal bikes in the air. I was tired so I just kept my legs still in the air,and when my coach asked what I was doing I replied 'I'm biking down a hill'. MLIA

Today, I watched a freshman fall down the stairs, and then land with an air guitar and a kneeslide, and walk away like nothing happened. That kid is going places. MLIA.

Today a guy in my history class said he couldn't take the test because he was suffering fromsexual exhaustion. Without looking up from her desk, the teacher said, "That's ok, just use theother hand." MLIA

Today, in class, a girl was completely absorbed in her phone, pressing buttons frantically. Theprofessor thought she was texting, so he asked her to read the conversation out loud since itseemed to be so important. The girl looked up and said, "Oh no, I'm not texting, I'm playingTetris," and held her phone up for him to see. He nodded and let her continue. MLIA.


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Today, I was riding the bus. I looked out the window only to see an old man viciously stabbing a

pumpkin. When he saw the bus pass, he stopped and waved. MLIA

Today, my friend and I were playing with an application on his iphone, which is similar to a magic 8 ball.

He asked it several questions and kept getting similar lame responses, such as "outlook isn't good," "not

in a million years," "ask again later," etc. He got frustrated, and exclaimed, "Oh yea! Well I bet you don't

have a girlfriend, do you Mr. 8 Ball!" It responded with, "Ask your mom." It could not have been a more

perfect response. MLIA

Today, 25 minutes into our English class, a boy suddenly popped out of a cabinet in the back ofthe room and exclaimed with evident surprise and dismay, "This isn't Narnia!" New best friend?I think so. MLIA

Today, my teacher told us that he found out the gender of his soon-to-be child. It's a girl. Myclassmates were asking him what him and his wife are thinking for names. He said they'vedecided to name her Brooke Lynn. Everyone aww'd at how nice of a name, till I remembered hislast name is Bridge. I laughed so hard I snorted. No one got it. MLIA

Today we were having a meeting at work about customer service. My manager said "We have toget on top of our customers and show them a good time." I was the only one who busted outlaughing. MILA

Today, I was bra shopping at Target with my mom. When we were at the checkout, a really hotguy was our cashier. It was really awkward because he was having trouble getting the bra off ofthe hanger it came on. He said, "This is hard to get off." My mom looks him in the eye and says,"They always will be." I've never seen someone go a deeper shade of crimson in two seconds inmy life.

Our principal has been telling this male student off for some time now. The bangs of the malestudents can't touch their eyebrows, but he liked growing them to cover his face. Today, he camein without changing his hair. Right before the principal could nag again, he brushed away his

hair from his face. He had shaved his eyebrows off. Everyone (including me) clapped. I'm ateacher. MLIA

Today, my American Sign Language class learned the sign for "drinking water": to mimicmoving an invisible bottle to your mouth. A girl performed the motion with her hand in a tightfist rather than her hands cupped. The teacher broke out laughing hysterically. Little did weknow she just signed "blowjob." MLIA


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Today, after a long and grueling physics assignment, my professor suddenly addressed the classand said, "Remember, physics is like sex. It's useful, but that's not why we do it." Within fiveminutes the whole class changed our facebook status to quote him. MLIA

Today I woke up early, remembered it was Sunday, and gratefully went back to sleep. Then thealarm went off. It's Wednesday. MLIA

Today, my brother had tons of animal crackers on the floor looking through them. I asked himwhat he was doing and he replied, "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken. I'mlooking for the seal." I have high hopes for him. MLIA.

Yesterday, I was in our local pharmacist with my identical twin sister. She was trying on thetester makeup while I was buying a pregnancy test for our 24 year old sister. When I went to thetill I got a disapproving look from the cashier so I quickly went on to say, 'Don't worry, it's for

my sister'. Right on cue, my twin walked up behind me saying, 'have you got it yet?' We're 12.The look on the woman's face made my day. MLIA

Today in history, my teacher was talking about the women and horses that died during thecrusades, and how horses were considered more important. "You can't ride a woman", he said,paused, laughed, then said "Well, you can, but I don't know how effective it would be inbattle."He's definitely my favourite teacher. MLIA

Today, while driving, I got a text message, so I turned down the radio to answer it. I'm still notsure why I did that. MLIA

Today, my college held a fundraiser where you could "imprison" your professors in a make-shiftjail if everyone in the class payed one dollar, thus allowing you to skip class. My English teacherwas ambushed in the middle of a hallway, and taken to the ground by a half dozenupperclassmen rugby players. The teacher proceeded to punch and kick these kids the entire wayto the jail, yelling at the top of his lungs even after being locked in the prison. My teacher is a 74year old priest. MLIA.

Today, when I was driving into my grandparents' gated neighborhood, I had to stop at the gate tobe let in. An old, very stern looking man glared at me when I mentioned my grandpa's name aswho I was visiting. He then handed me a water gun and told me he would give me a dollar to getmy grandpa. Turns out they've had this war for over a year. I hope I'm that cool when I'm older.MLIA


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Today, my mom bet me I couldn't last a day without eating ice cream. She then bought a full pintof Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked to try and tempt me into losing. I ate it all. She may have won a bet,but I won a free pint of Half-Baked. Who's the winner now? MLIA

Today, my mom got a call from my little brothers elementary school. His kindergarten teacherwent around the circle and asked him what they wanted to be when they grew up. He answered"Happy." The teacher then responded "No...you don't understand the question." My litle brotherfired back with "Well, you don't understand life." I now have no doubt we are related. MLIA

Today, I walked into the library. They had a relaxation station for people stressed over midterms.The station consisted of nothing but bubble wrap. Needless to say, I am thoroughly less stressednow. MLIA

Today, my friend and I were in a mock fight, calling each other names. Eventually my friendcalled out, "Your mom is gay!" Without skipping a beat, I say, "Which one?" The look on herface was priceless. MLIA

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My Favorite My Life is Avergae