Essay Writing

College Admissions Essays Must Be Interesting

 How To Stay Bold And Avoid the Trap of a Dull Essay

 

Students must find their unique stories and tell them in a direct, authentic voice. These are the kids who are getting into the best schools. 

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I get it. So much is riding on these essays. Who wouldn’t want them to be perfect? The problem is that parents start believing that the essays need to impress the readers, and they get anxious and start stripping out all the interesting parts of their kids’ essays. They doubt that something as simple as relating a story is the best way to show colleges how great you are. As students writing them, you start to get nervous, too, and freeze up and start throwing in big words and mentioning your accomplishments and trying to sound really smart and before you know it you end up with a DULL ESSAY.

If you don’t believe me, read this column written by a columnist who writes regularly for the Huffington Post’s college blog. He reports that the word among college admissions counselors from last year was that they read way too many boring essays. And he has some great advice on how to avoid that. And it echoes mine: Tell a story. Write like you talk. Be careful who you let read your essay.

 Here’s my advice for your college admission essay:

•Use you own logic. If you were reading hundreds of these essays, which ones would you want to read–boring ones where the student tries to make herself or himself sound really impressive, or the one that tells an interesting story?

•Read sample essays. See what ones stand out in your mind. Was it the boring one? Probably not. Try to copy the style and approach of the ones you liked the most–not the ones you think you were supposed to like.

•Now that you get what works, spend a little time trying to bring your parents up to speed. Talk to them about what you are learning and hearing about what essays are the most effective. Have them read some of my blog posts for themselves.

•When you are writing your essay, and you let others read it, beware of those who don’t get it and try to get you to take out the colorful parts. 

• If telling a story for your essays feels like taking a chance, remember the real risk is a dull essay. 

How to Start Your Core College Application Essay

If you are writing a college admissions essay that responds to a prompt that asks you to tell about yourself, or about “a time,” or describe a quality, characteristic, experience or accomplishment (such as The Common App prompts or Prompt #2 for the UC app.), then your essay is also known as a personal statement (also called a personal narrative).

Remember, “narrative” means telling a story. In short, you only need two components to make a story: a character and a conflict. So one magic way to create a personal narrative is to search your recent past for a conflict. (You are

the “character.”) Thinking back to English class, remember that conflicts can come from many different places–from within yourself (internal: you have a personal issue or hang-up that caused you pain or trouble) to outside yourself (external: something bad happened to you.)

To put it simply, a conflict is a problem. Problems come in all shapes and sizes. They do not need to be traumas or a crises, although those can work, too. (HINT: Basic, everyday problems work best! Check out this post about “mundane” topics.) Here are other words for a conflict or problem: challenge, failure, obstacle, mistake, hang-up, issue, a change, dilemma, fears, obsessions, etc.

Examples of conflicts or problems: you are shy, competitive, stubborn, were bullied, are obsessed with Twilight, didn’t make the team, got injured, have big feet, frizzy red hair, smile too much, someone quit at your work, don’t have own car, can’t spell, adhd, ocd, don’t eat meat, perfectionist, slob, lazy, drunk driving, have a mean grandparent, no money, etc…Man, there are a lot of problems out there! But for the purposes of writing these dreaded essays, that’s a good thing for once!

1. Describe the time you had a problem or describe a strong example of your problem (Include what happened and how it made you feel. Try to start at the moment it hit, or happened for the best impact!  Include the 5Ws–who, what, when, where and why! Stick to one or two paragraphs.) These mini-stories are also called anecdotes, and you can learn more by reading my post on how to write an anecdote.

2. Background the history of this problem (when did it start, why/how did it happen or get this way.) “It all started back when…”

3. Talk about how you dealt with that problem. What you did about it. Steps you took to handle it.

4. Reflect on that problem. How did you think about it? How did you feel? Did handling it change you in any way or how you think about things? Share your thoughts.

5. What did you learn from dealing with that problem–about yourself, others or life in general? Anything good come out of it? Did you develop or demonstrate a core quality–determination, problem-solving, creativity, passion, patience, respect…–in the process? Talk about that.

6. Conclusion: (Look back at what you learned and see what personal qualities or characteristics you used or developed while dealing with this problem–aha, there’s the answer to your UC prompt!) In your conclusion, discuss how you would/could use these qualities or characteristics, or what you learned, in your future endeavors.

Chances are you have the beginning of a personal narrative. You told a story about yourself where you encountered a problem, and it affected you in some way, which you then explain, analyze and share with the reader. Yes, this is a formula–but it is as old as time. It’s called Telling a Story! The best thing about this style of writing is that it is also naturally very compelling to read.

If you want to see an example of how I step through this process with a real student, read Work First, Surf Second.

What you have at this point is a rough draft–so make sure and read my other posts to learn ways to kick your college admissions essay into a brilliant piece of writing!!

Still looking for a story topic? Try this Topic Brainstorm Guide.

Read The Good, Bad and Ugly for some tips on writing your

Common App essay.

Once you are done, make sure to use this FINAL CHECKLIST before you send it off.

Here’s my attack plan for you. First, read all the questions (listed below). If any of them generate an idea for you, that’s great. Go for it. If not, my advice is to stick with prompt one, two or five of the five prompts.  To me, each of those prompts is trying to help you to write a personal narrative–that is a story-like essay that shows the reader something about what makes you tick, what you care about, what sets you apart from the crowd. This blog is packed with helpful posts on exactly how to find a relevant story, such as How to Write an Anecdote, and tell it in a compelling way.

One of my best tips is to try to remember something that happened to you (a story), then share it in a condensed, narrative, fiction-like style (called an anecdote), and then reflect upon what you learned from it. Voila–a great essay! Notice how the first three prompts all ask for a story or “a time,” which is perfect. To land an interesting story, make sure it involves some type of problem.

Think You Have Nothing to Write About? Here’s Something to Smile Aboutby J9ROBINSON on OCTOBER 21, 2009 · 1 COMMENT

A new client, who I will call Sarah, met with me for the first

time to talk about topic ideas. When I pressed her about her interests, her hobbies, her passions, she kept insisting that she was a well-rounded, strong student, but didn’t have any one thing that stood out about her. It’s a common obstacle in writing these essays. Students think they need to have climbed Mt. Everest or invented a better paperclip to justify a strong topic.

These students just need to slow down long enough to see what is right in front of them: the often mundane, yet fascinating qualities, habits, goals or characteristics that make them unique. I gave Sarah a few examples of this idea: the student who wrote about her wild red hair; the girl who liked riding the public bus system and used that to “show” her sense of adventure and openess to all types of people; the student who wrote a tribute to his TI-83+ calculator; the girl who wrote about her prowess as a karaoke queen.

After listening to these ideas, Sarah kept insisting she really didn’t have anything special to write about herself. She thought for a few more minutes and then said quietly, “I smile a lot.” Bingo!! I had only spent about ten minutes with Sarah, and I had noticed she easily broke into a wide, beautiful smile. Sarah even smiled when she talked. It was as though she couldn’t stop herself. “My mom says I’m always smiling,” she added, smiling. What a perfect topic for an essay? Sarah’s constant smiling obviously was a big part of who she is, and all she had to do was explore what this meant to her, how it affected her relationships and experiences with others, maybe develop some metaphors to her smiling and life, and she had a makings of an engaging essay.

As with Sarah, sometimes the best essay topics are so close you don’t even see them. Just keep looking!

If you still don’t believe me about the power of writing about everyday topics for college admissions essays over those you think might impress your college(s) of choice, read this comment from a veteran college admissions counselor (this was posted in the comments section in response to an article called A Few Essays That Worked in the The New York Times‘ blog on college admissions called The Choice):

“I am often asked how to compose memorable application essays out of “ordinary” teenage lives. High school seniors who haven’t won international awards or lived on houseboats or in homeless shelters can feel as if their essays have little to offer. They’re terrified that they will make the same “mistakes” that are highlighted here in “The Choice” (and no wonder … even I–an admissions professional for three decades–had a tough time differentiating between the “good” and “bad” ones!).

I always reply that, during my 15 years of reading application essays at Smith College, many of the most memorable submissions were on mundane topics. One of my all-time favorites was about a laundry mishap at a summer school. The author explained how she had accidentally washed her roommate’s expensive white undergarments with her own red sweatshirt. Of course, the essay wasn’t really just about laundry … it was more about the boundaries of friendship. Other wonderful essays I recall include a hilarious one on playing in a truly terrible school band and another called “Why I Shop at Wal-Mart.”

While there are lots of books out there that serve up samples of “successful” essays, there are two that I especially like that offer helpful suggestions on how to craft your own. “On Writing The College Application Essay: Secrets of a former Ivy League Admissions Officer,” by Harry Bauld (which I’ve

recommended for eons) and a newcomer called, “Concise Advice: Jump-Starting Your College Admissions Essays,” by Robert Cronk, both lead students through the composition process and never lose sight of the fact that 17-year-olds can rarely report triumphs—or traumas—that might help their essays stand out in a crowd.

Admission officials really DO want to read about their applicants’ experiences, no matter how “typical,” and they are eager to view them through the writers’ eyes. Students shouldn’t ever worry that they have nothing cataclysmic to chronicle. After all, what could be more “ordinary” than laundry?”

— Sally Rubenstone, Senior Advisor, College Confidential

Essay Support Books:

1. “On Writing The College Application Essay: Secrets of a former Ivy League Admissions Officer,” by Harry Bauld

2. “Concise Advice: Jump-Starting Your College Admissions Essays,” by Robert Cronk

How to Add a Twist: How to Find “The Unexpected” in Your College Application

Essay or Personal NarrativeOne way to add snap, crackle and pop to your college

application essay is to give it a little twist. What’s a twist? It can be many things, but usually it offers some sort of

surprise, an irony or something unexpected. When writing

about yourself, be on the lookout for your own personal life twists. In simple terms, a twist can be anything that isn’t what you would think or expect. Why do these work so

beautifully in college application essays? Because they a. are delightful to read because they break away from the

predictable b. they often involve a problem, which needs solving and provokes personal change, and c. they show how

you respond, adjust and learn. All rich essay compost!

Examples? One client wrote a personal statement about how she was always at the top of her game, whether it was in her classes, sports or her favorite extracurricular activity, drama. She told about the time she was certain she landed the lead role in the school musical, and her shock when someone told her someone else got the part. Her essay focused on how she learned that supporting roles in plays, as well as in life, can be as valuable as being the leading lady. What was the twist? In this case, she didn’t get what she expected. It was a surprise for her not to be the star.

Other examples? The girl who was 4 feet, 8 inches tall who pursued the high jump. The boy who loved cars but ended up loving the public bus system. The girl with size 9 feet who thought her big feet would end her dance career, but instead she excelled. The girl who sprained her ankle in volleyball, but learned more about the game sitting on the bench. The boy who was afraid of heights, but spent the summer washing windows on high rises. The girl with an entire family of slobs who became a perfectionist. The boy who lived in a surf town, but hated the beach and what he did instead.  The boy who was so obsessed with technology that he always waited for the next cool gadget but always had old ones.

BIG WORDS ARE OUT!!!!

This quiet change could be one of the best things to happen to student writing in years! And for college admissions essays! Yippee! (Finally, the powers-that-be are advocating one of George Orwell’s famous rules on writing: ”Never use a long word where a short one will do.” 

Obscure words do not make good writing. Using words effectively–starting with the short, everyday and relevant ones–does. Of course, if someone has a fascination for obscure words and enjoys the process of expanding her or his vocabulary, that’s great. But the rest of us just need to learn how to use the words in the common vernacular first, and then build upon those. The goal of writing is to express, not impress.

I remember this practice back when I was in high school in the ’70s, and learned words like “obsequious” and “plethora.” But it seemed to get worse in recent years. The main academic quality revealed by students who test well with the SAT vocabulary was a keen memory. I’m grateful that someone seems to be championing more important qualities (critical thinking? creative expression?) for future tests. Major kudos to whoever you are!

As for all you erudite readers prone to *grandiloquence, well, you are just going to have to suck it up! Especially when it comes to writing an effective college admissions essay.

Pompous or extravagant in language, style, or manner, especially in a way that is intended to impress

HUMBLE BRAGGING

The whole challenge reminded me of  humblebragging. If you live on a different planet (or don’t use social media) and haven’t

heard of this word for phony humility, it’s basically the fine art of boasting about yourself and making it sound like an accident. The trick is to cloak your bragging with other comments, which make it seem as though the impressive part just kind of slipped out. The more subtle, the better. Did I mention how much my hand hurts from signing copies of my new book?

Even though I promote a more soft sell in these essays, I believe students can still use them as an opportunity to share details about their impressive activities, interests and accomplishments. It’s all how you present them.

 

When casting around for a topic for a personal narrative (core essay), I usually start by identifying a student’s core or defining qualities. After we land on a good one, we root around for interesting stories, moments, experiences or incidents that the writer can use as a real-life example of that quality to start the essay (called an anecdote.) The whole idea is that the writer shares examples of that core quality in action, instead of simply explaining how they are that way and making a case for why it’s so impressive.

This is hard to explain. Hmmm. See if you can tell the difference between these two approaches by a student writing about a core quality. Let’s say he was a “resilient” (bounce back after defeat) guy.

A. I’ve always been a resilient person. I pride myself in my ability to pull myself back up even after I fail. I have a positive attitude and always try to set new goals, and not let minor setbacks get in my way. Even when I failed my driver’s license test five times, I went back with a new determination to pass it. I always succeed when I decide not to let anything stop me.

B. It was my sixth attempt to pass my driver’s license test. The first time I made two left turns without using my blinker.

The second time I ran over a traffic cone and didn’t even notice. During my latest attempt, I accidentally punched the gas instead of the brake, and I just sat there and cried. But weeks later, I was back, hands on the wheel at 10 and 2. Not even the pounding rain was going to stop me.

TOP 10 TOPICS TO AVOID

 Here are Robinson’s college essay no-no’s: 

1. Listing accomplishments. You might be the most amazing person on the planet, but nobody wants a recitation of the wonderful things you’ve done, the people you’ve encountered and the places you’ve visited.

2. Sports. Do you know how many millions of teens have written about scoring the winning goal, basket or run? You definitely don’t want to write about your winning team. And nobody wants to read about your losing team, either.

3. Sharing how lucky you are. If you are one of the lucky teenagers who has grown up in an affluent household, with all the perks that goes with it, no need to share that with college admission officials. “The last thing anyone wants to read about is your ski trip to Aspen or your hot oil massage at a fancy resort,” Robinson observed.

4. Writing an “un-essay.” Many students, particularly some of the brightest ones, have a negative reaction to the strictures of the admission essay. In response, Robinson says, “They want to write in stream-of-consciousness or be sarcastic, and I totally understand this reaction. However, you must remember your goal with these essays — to get accepted! Save the radical expression for after you get into college.”

5. Inflammatory topics. It’s unwise to write about politics or religion, two of the most polarizing topics. Avoid any topics that make people angry.

6. Illegal activity. Do not write about drug use, drinking and driving, arrests or jail time. Also leave your sexual activities out of the frame. Even if you have abandoned your reckless ways, don’t bring it up.

7. Do-good experiences. Schools do not want to hear about your church or school trip to another country or region to help the disadvantaged. You may be able to write about a trip like this only if you focus on a specific experience within the broader trip.

8. The most important thing or person in my life. This topic is too broad and too loaded, whether you want to write about God, your mom or best friend. These essays are usually painfully boring.

9. Death, divorce, tragedies. The problem with these topics is not that they are depressing, but that such powerful topics can be challenging to write about. Absolutely no pet stories — admission officers hate them.

10. Humor. A story within a college essay can be amusing, but don’t try to make the entire essay funny.

FOCUS YOUR WRITING

you need to explore what you are writing about more thoroughly. Here’s my advice: If your writing is too general, and your points and ideas are spread out all over the place, chances are they are shallow in nature. Picture a pool of

water. The more spread out and wide it is, the shallower it gets. If you shore it up and make it smaller in total width, it gets deeper.

 

So how do you shore up your ideas and points in your essays? The best way is to get specific–which is, the opposite of general. Simple, right? If you can focus your topic (and main point you are going to make in your essay) from the beginning, the easier it will be to develop depth in what you have to say about it. (Read more about the power of “mundane topics” HERE.) When brainstorming topic ideas, it’s okay to start with broad ideas, but make sure to drill down before you start writing.

Here’s an example. Just last week, I helped a student brainstorm ideas for his personal statement for the Common App. It went like this:

Me: So, I hear you like history. It’s one of your passions?

Him: Yes.

Me: Well, what kind of history do you like the most?

Him: I like ancient history, about the Romans and Greeks. I also like Andrew Jackson a lot.

Me: Andrew Jackson? That’s an unsual president to admire, when most people would say someone like Abe Lincoln or Thomas Jefferson first. Why Jackson?

Him: He was really stubborn. He had something like four wives and would have duels if someone challenged them or

his honor.

Me: Honor. So you admire having a sense of honor?

Him: Yes.

Me: Wow. That’s an interesting quality. I could see you writing an essay about how you value honor, then define it, and describe how someone like yourself maintains it in modern society.

Him: How would I do that?

Me: I would start by thinking of “a time” or example of when your honor was challenged, and then what you did about it. Then you can go into how and why you started thinking about honor, mention how Jackson influenced your thinking, and then other ways you use and develop that quality in your life.

Do you see how we drilled down from the very general interest in history, to something very specific, and eventually hit upon a more focused topic? See if you can do that with a subject that you are passionate about. Just keep asking yourself–what specifically do you like about it, what is your favorite part, and WHY is that? Eventually, you might get to a quality about yourself that you can write about.

In general, when you are writing any of these college application essays, if you find you are making a lot of points about a topic, it’s usually time to narrow down the field. If you get too broad and general, you will also get bland and boring. It’s better to zero in on one or a couple points, and then develop and expand upon those, instead of trying to cover too much ground.

GOOD VS. BAD TOPICS

Show instead of Tell you the difference between good topics and bad topics:

BAD

•The Time I Climbed Mount Everest•My Mission Trip to Costa Rica•The Day We Won the State Championship•Why I Hate Writing Admissions Essays•The Day My Beloved Dog Spot Died•Why I Love to Tutor Kids•What I Learned in Model UNGOOD

•Why I’m a Karaoke Queen•An Afternoon Working at In and Out Burger•My Grandmother’s Hands• I Make the Best Grilled Cheese Sandwich•Taming the Beast—My Frizzy Red Hair•Ode to my TI-89 (Calculator)•My Obsession with Spiderman ComicsDo you See the difference? Okay, I can’t help myself. Now I’m going to Tell you about the differences. The bad topics are too general, they try to impress, they are overused, they most likely will be boring (Do they make you want to read them?). The good topics are specific, they are not trying to impress anyone (“mundane” is good!!), they are unique, and they make you want to read them.

How to make sure you come across as likable

“Think of something you might boast about and turn it into an entertaining

flaw.”College expert and blogger Jay Matthews

on self-deprecationIn the typical list of hot tips from college counselors for crafting a winning college application essay, “Be likeable” is usually near the top. This advice is usually followed up with “Don’t impress.” But it’s a fine line when you are basically writing a marketing piece trying to sell yourself to the college of your dreams. You feel the need to impress your colleges by describing your best achievements, qualities and talents, but one wrong word or phrase and you instantly sound like a braggart. No one likes a braggart, and even a whiff of entitlement or unchecked ego can send your essay into the “No” pile.

The best way to avoid sounding like a braggart is to focus on what you did,  how you did it and why, and not just on the fact that you did it. The trick is to highlight the quality behind your accomplishment, and then relay a specific example of how you developed that quality or furthered it somehow. My Jumpstart Guide and other posts on finding topics can help you with that approach.

Another way to tip your tone from boastful to humble is to use the art of self-deprecation. An author and education expert named Jay Matthews recently wrote an article in his Washington Post blog about how the two presidential candidates wield this type of humor to come across as likable

guys. Whether it’s getting people to vote for you or pick you for their college, being likable goes a long way. Matthews urges college-bound students to try this technique in college admissions essays to create the same effect. Note he cautions against using it more than once in a single essay.

Here’s an excerpt from his article on how both Obama and Romney–and one famous comedian–use this powerful technique:

The point is you don’t have to try to be funny. Instead, when you make a point about something impressive, present it in a way that shows you also understand it doesn’t make you better than anyone else and that you know you are also fallible. In other words, feel free to poke fun at yourself. For some reason, we will then trust that you are not full of yourself, and that we just might like you!

Here’s a little more from Matthews on how and why to use self-deprecation:

“Think of something you might boast about and turn it into an entertaining flaw.In an admissions guide I once wrote, I conceived this bit of self-inflation: “The hospital administrator said my work as a candy striper was so good that I should apply to medical school.” Applicants who take this approach sound like braggarts. That’s bad. Instead, recall a moment in that same hospital when you weren’t smart: “In one instance I was so clumsy I almost disconnected an intravenous drip. At least I think that was what it was.”

I have discovered that many people, particularly among those applying to selective colleges, are incapable of writing anything self-deprecating. That is why the admissions officer reading your essay is going to be so pleased.

Think about it. What kind of person would you want as a roommate, a self-important tool or a modest raconteur? Admissions officers have the same thought. Give them a taste of your inner Joan Rivers or Woody Allen, and your chances improve greatly.”

Like Matthews said in his article, a little goes a long way. Have a parents, teacher or counselor read your essay to help make sure you hit the right tone. Give it a try. Probably better to come across as too humble than too proud.

How to Write An Anecdote About Almost Anything

Before one of my college application essay writing workshops yesterday, I skimmed over some of the rough drafts the students had written last semester for their English classes. The writing was solid, the ideas strong. Yet the essays were all on the dull side.

If only someone had taught these kids how to use anecdotes, I thought. Often, you can pull an anecdote ( a mini true story) out of what you’ve already written and instantly transform it into an engaging read. And it can be a very everyday, simple event or moment.

I tried to think if anything of interest happened during our workshop to use as an example. In general, it was pretty uneventful, even (ahem) a bit boring. Then I remembered: The cat fell off the bookcase while I was talking. It had fallen asleep and slipped off. We all had a good laugh. So something did

happen. Now, how would I write that as an anecdote? Is it possible to take such a mundane event like that and turn it into a mini-story? Let’s see.

How to Write An AnecdoteThe trick to anecdotes is to gather some details.

1. Start with the 5ws–who, what, when, where and why. Myself, five students and a cat. A writing workshop. One recent morning. In a house on a bookshelf. It fell off because it went to sleep and slid off.

2. Gather the sensory details to try to re-create the scene or setting. What did we see, hear, smell, feel, touch or sense? I didn’t see it fall since it was lying behind me. I heard a soft thud. I heard the students’ exclamation of surprise. I felt surprised. I didn’t touch or smell anything.

Now put these together. I find it helps to start by the “where” and then put yourself into the picture as well. Standing by the window? Sitting on the grass? Where were you when this event happened–for point of view. Remember, I was sitting in front of the cat. My students watched it happen.

Here’s how I would write an anecdote about this moment. It took me a couple attempts. I wrote it out, then took out words I didn’t need or want, moved sentences around, shortened some sentences, added a phrase to another. I read it aloud each time. I tried to vary sentence lengths between short and long, sticking more with the shorter sentences. I tried to think of this little moment visually–what it would have looked like as a piece of video. I tried to start as close to the peak of the action as possible and still have the event make sense with some background.

I had been talking for nearly an hour straight. My five

writing students, all seated around a large table in front of me, were starting to fidget. Suddenly, I heard a soft thump and a commotion behind me. The students also jumped up in unison. 

“What the heck?” I said as I craned my neck behind me.

Everyone started laughing. The 16-year-old black cat, Ace, had fallen asleep on the bookshelf behind us and gradually slipped over the edge until he abruptly dropped to the floor. As the students laughed, we all watched Ace shake his head a couple times, stunned from the impact, trying to brush off the rude awakening. Then he padded into the next room as though nothing had happened.

I couldn’t help but think later how it took a sleeping cat to wake everyone up.

I know this isn’t great writing or the most compelling anecdote you’ve ever read. But notice how it’s easy to read and keeps you moving forward. Why? Because something happened, and you want to know why and what happens next.

I also want you to see how to take the most simple event or moment and turn it into an engaging anecdote, simply by relating the details of what happened in a direct manner. There were countless other ways to describe this same moment, and that’s the beauty of an anecdote. It’s all in the telling, what details you share and what you want to emphasize.

If you want to practice your narrative writing skills, try crafting a couple anecdotes out of everyday incidents in your life. They don’t need to me super exciting or impressive. Just

think of something that happened, say, when you were at the beach, or at the bookstore, or at the yogurt shop. Describe a brief interaction you had with someone in line with you, or an exchange between a mother and child. These take a little practice. But anecdotes are one of the most powerful writing techniques you can learn. And they are solid gold when it comes to writing your college admissions essay!

Common App new topics:

Here are the new prompts for the Common App (click each prompt to find my post on how to respond to it!):•Some students have a background or story that is so central

to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

•Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?

•Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?

•Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

Titles: If you can’t find one you like, just skip it. Better no title than a bad title for your college application essay—unless one is requested or required.

Creating Pathos

Open Up About Yourself

When you reveal your inner thoughts and feelings, this helps the reader empathize with you—and makes you feel real and human. Showing vulnerability and authenticity takes a lot of courage. For college essays, that’s good stuff—since it sets you apart from the crowd, forges a deeper connection with the reader and shows the maturity to be introspective and open about yourself.

Show Some Emotion

Once you told your anecdote, and then put it in context with some background (It all started…), you can pick up the story line to show us what happened next. If you started by describing a problem, now is the time to let us know how it all made you feel.

This is how we relate to your pain and understand why we should care about you and your problem. You don’t need to overdo this part; just a quick sentence or two and we will get the idea. Think back to how you were feeling at the lowest point.

In the sample anecdote about the student thrown into a busy restaurant kitchen, he might have said, “I knew I was over my head.” Or “I started feeling dizzy and almost bolted out the door.”

Other ways to let the reader in on your emotional reaction to the problem: “I thought my world was over.” “I thought my parents would kill me.” “I felt like pulling the covers over my head and staying in bed for the rest of my life.” “I felt trapped, as though I had no where to turn.” “I never thought I would figure it out.”

 Include Dialogue

If you didn’t include any dialogue—quoting yourself or someone else—in your anecdote, you might consider dropping in a line or two when you background your story. You can use it to add

drama to your story, such as a snippet from a key player in the story, or even quote yourself.

Describing your inner dialogue or thoughts, or even those of others in the story, is one of the best ways to give your essay that “narrative” style and tone. Usually you only need a few words, or a short line or two. Dialogue makes the essay read more like a novel or short story (fiction!), even though it’s true.

If it was something you thought, just let the reader know that. Example: “You are never going to reach the top of that mountain,” I thought to myself while looking up the steep cliff. Example: “Why do I always chicken out at the last minute?” I asked myself.

HOT TIP: Another trick to writing dialogue is to try to compress it. Once you write a couple sentences, or a quick exchange between yourself and someone else, try cutting it down. Usually, you can get the point across with fewer words than you think, and they end up snappier sounding, too.

 Insider Tips From the Director of Admissions at Hendrix College

 

Their gracious Director of Admissions, Fred Baker, who reads every Hendrix essay–about 2000 a year–told me some things I knew, some things I was happy to hear, and a few things I wish I had known earlier. (Hendrix uses The Common Application) Fred said:

1. One of the best ways to write an interesting essay is to tell a story. One of Fred’s most memorable involved a student who wrote about a service trip to Houston. But the student didn’t just describe the entire trip. Instead, he

focused on one moment while making brown bag lunches for a group of underprivileged residents. He described glancing over at another volunteer, and then watching him reach down, take off his own shoes and hand them to one of the patrons. Then the student went onto explain the impact that humble, generous moment had on him. This example supports the idea of using narrative-style essays. There’s a reason Fred never forgot that essay.

2. These essays matter more than you might think. “The essay that seems small potatoes in August can potentially have big bearing later,” Fred said. Not only do the admissions officers use them to decide who gets in or not to Hendrix, but the English professors read them to help determine placement in various writing courses. They also are read by the scholarship committee to determine who gets merit scholarship money. That can be thousands of dollars!

3. He remembers kids from their essays, and often tells them this when they finally meet in person. This is huge! It’s crucial that these essays put a face on a student’s application. Fred said it was impressive how the student often matched the spirit of their essay. “The ones that are my favorites are the ones that you can really get a sense of who the writer is. The essay can be a way for that application to come to life…You get a little taste of the students’ personality, maybe they are spunky or passionate or idealisitic; it’s any number of things, where a little bit of their essence comes through. Those are the most memorable.”

4.  It’s important to catch his attention right away in the essay. “Like anything, a newspaper article, novel, whatever, if they don’t grab you pretty early on, you sort of lost that opening round. Good writing pops, you think, ‘Wow this kid’s a gifted writer,’ with a great sense of humor, or wonderfully serious, and not hammed up.”

5. Unique topics are greatly appreciated. “We get a

kabillion ‘I tore my ACL (knee muscle)”, but to that student it was significant, the hurt, sitting out while watching teammates, the grueling rehab. But many essays just aren’t poignant.” Other over-used topics were mission trips and Harry Potter. 

Final tip from Fred: ”Be you. You don’t have to focus on some massive global issue or why college ‘blank’ and I are a good fit. Tell a detailed story that is you in a nutshell or an example of what you are passionate about.”

A big thanks to Fred, and Hendrix College, for being so generous with his time and earnest adviceto help

students have their best chance at writing great college application essays!