32
CPS: Tips for Applying to Kindergarten.....PAGE 6 The Second Child ....PAGE 27 “Phonetography” Makes Family Photos A Snap.....PAGE 23 Nanny Dollars Well Spent .....PAGE 16

Nanny Dollars Well Spent PAGE 16 PAGE 23 · 2013-12-27 · • Expansive Outdoor Learning: greenhouse, fruit & vegetable beds, ... Lincoln Square-North Center ... Morehouse works

Embed Size (px)

Citation preview

CPS: Tips for Applying to Kindergarten.....PAGE 6

The Second Child....PAGE 27

“Phonetography” Makes Family Photos A Snap.....PAGE 23

Nanny Dollars Well Spent.....PAGE 16

2 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

Advancing creativity, innovation,and the development of lifelong learners and leaders

telephone: 312.BENNETTemail: [email protected]: www.bennettday.org

OPENING IN CHICAGO - FALL 2014

JOIN US FOR A

FAMILY INFORMATION SESSION!

GO TO OUR WEBSITE

AND SIGN UP TODAY!

www.bennettday.org

NOVEMBER 18

DECEMBER 26:30 - 8:00pm

6:30 - 8:00pm

npnparents.org • 3

PARENT TO PARENTJill Chukerman, Managing [email protected]

Peggy Fink, [email protected]

Ellie Ander, Advertising [email protected]

Melanie Schlachter, Executive [email protected]

Christa Reed, Associate Executive [email protected]

BJ Slusarczyk, Operations [email protected]

Parent to Parent contains articles and information straight from our NPN member community. For information about editorial submissions, email [email protected]; for advertising, email [email protected]. We look forward to hearing from you!

INSIDE THIS ISSUEOUR MISSIONConnecting a diverse community of families with the resources they need to navigate parenting in the city

From the Executive DirectorIt’s hard to believe a New Year is upon us. For parents, this is a good time to reflect on the amazing milestones our little ones have mastered—from first smiles to the first bike ride without training wheels—and look forward to everything that lies ahead.

This past year has been an exciting one for NPN as we’ve been able to deliver:

• Free 7-Day Trial NPN Memberships

• New and improved Discussion Forum

• New and expanded Parent to Parent newsletter format

• Three annual School Fair events, Chicago School Choice programs and new School/Daycare “My Directory”

• Wake Up & Boogie Down Family Festival, Spring Silent Auction, Summer Soccer Bash, Strollers First 5K & Festival and Pre-New Year’s Eve Family Celebration

• More than 30 monthly events for families and grown-ups

• So much more!

The NPN leadership team is continuing to work hard to offer even more amazing resources and programs to Chicago families, and we thank our wonderful community for its support.

With that, I’d like to thank Sarah Cobb for serving as NPN’s Executive Director for the past four years. She brought remarkable change to the organization, and I’ve learned so much working alongside her as my mentor and friend.

With our incredible team, it’s an exciting time for NPN to connect Chicago parents, as we’ve been doing for more than 33 years.

From our NPN family to yours, we hope the new year finds you happy, healthy, safe and warm!

Photo courtesy Kevin Hammett Photography.

LEARN PLAyBaby, It’s Cold Outside ....................... 20

“Phonetography” Makes Family Photos a Snap ........................ 23

Why I Donate Conscientiously ........... 24

CARE

SHARELet Go of the Guilt ............................. 26

The Second Child ............................... 27

LGBT Parenting and Surrogacy: A Unique Partnership ......................... 28

One Year In: My Adventures in Cloth Diapering ................................. 30

CPS: Tips for Applying to Kindergarten ....................................... 6

When Finding the “Right” School Doesn’t Happen Right Away ................ 7

Safe Solutions for Safety Concerns ...... 8

Estate Planning: A Priceless Gift for Your New Family .......................... 10

Getting It Together Before and After Delivery.............................. 12

Does A Doula Make A Difference? ..... 13

Teach Your Child To Be an Amazing Sleeper! .......................... 15

Nanny Dollars Well Spent .................. 16

Three Practical Tips to Transform Your Self-Care Regimin .............................. 17

NPN Volunteers ................................... 5

Social Snapshot ................................. 18

Upcoming Events .................. Back Cover

Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

4 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

APPLY TODAY!Preschool • Summer Camp • Parent and Toddler Programs

Smart Love Preschool Offers: • Half-Day A.M. & P.M. preschool for 3, 4 & 5 year olds• Half-Day Summer Camp• Extended Day Supplement and Lunch Bunch Options (bring lunch from home)• Toddler Explorations (12-36 mos.), parent and tot classes• Toddler Transitions (30-36 mos.), twice weekly classes with teacher (caregiver nearby)• Smart Love Philosophy and Curriculum• Beautiful mansion-setting in Chicago’s historic North Side Buena Park• Expansive Outdoor Learning: greenhouse, fruit & vegetable beds, seed to table curriculum

773.665.8052 • [email protected]

w w w. s m a r t l o v e p r e s ch o o l . o r g

Kate StephensBroker Associate | MBA, ABR

312.475.4502 office773.562.4129 [email protected]

Want room to growNeed Koenig & StreyKate Stephens is a Realtor ®, a homeowner, and a mom. She understands you, and what you want your home to be. And she appreciates that home is both an asset and a reflection of your dreams.

As an agent with Koenig & Strey, Kate offers A+ service, paired with knowledge, insight and understanding.

For everything you want in your next home, you need Kate.

Text JGR to 87778 to get my mobile app.

Koenig & Strey is a wholly owned subsidiary of HomeServices of America, Inc., a Berkshire Hathaway affiliate.

NPN THANkS OUR VOLUNTEERS ClubsAndersonville-Edgewater ........................................... Dana Wurzburger/Subha WiswanathanLakeview .................................................................Christine Jordan/Miranda Byrd/Ekta PatelLincoln Park .......................................................................... Regina Donovan/Aly NadwornyLincoln Square-North Center ............................................................................. Amy JohnsonNear West-South Side...........................................................Carolyn Sabzali/Meghan O’BrienNorthwest Side................................................................................................. Amy JohnsonOld Town-Gold Coast ......................................................................................... Briana HaferRoscoe Village ..................................................Miranda Byrd/Christine Jordan/Anne Stockton South Side .............................................. Dani Brzozowski/Alleeshia Williams/Carolyn SabzaliWest Town .................................................................................... Sonia Fernandes/Kelly FoxAdoption ................................................................................... Karen Malsom/Teresa HjerpeAttorney Moms ............................................................................................... Jennifer BauerBabies/Children with Medical Needs ..........................................................................Sarah B Dads .............................................................................................Tom Merritt/Ian SmithdahlDevelopmental Differences .................................................. Ellen Sternweiler/Kandalyn HahnElementary School Parents ......................................................................... Bernadette PawlikMoms BYOB Dinner Club .....................................................................................Missy FotjikMoms in Business ................................................................Katherine McHenry/Jenny PerilloMoms Over 35 ................................................................................ Marie Lona/Lisa MendellMultiples .............................................................................................................Erica ShererNew Moms Over 40 ........................... Sarah Squires-Doyle/Pamela Chianelli/Melissa DerochePreemies ............................................................................................................. Angela FollSame Sex Parents .......................................................................................... Angela Debello

Saturday Movies ................................................................................................Paige AnsehlWork from Home ................................................................. Amanda O’Brien/Sarah WenningWorking Moms ............................................................Amy Daleo/Lisa Vedral/Amanda Wiley

ResourcesLegal Counselor ..............................................................................................Heather Varon

NPN Board of DirectorsPresident ......................................... Jennifer Guimond-QuigleyVice President .......................................................Marie LonaTreasurer ..............................................Laurie Bauman NelsonSecretary .............................................................Jennifer FoutBoard Members.....................................................Sarah Cobb Sarah Davis Neil Hackler Christine Jordan Tom Merritt Kristin Myers Victoria Nygren Kevin O’Brien Alison Ray Hema Trukenbrod

npnparents.org • 5

SwimClasses!!

EST. 1993

Celebr

atin

g 20

yea

rs of sw

imming excellence

Swimmers Guaranteed.®

We’re trained professionals. Leave the swimming to us!!View available classes and register online... www.fossswimschool.com

Highland Park • Libertyville • Lakeview

6 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

movement. Hint: Press “Ctrl F” to search for a specific school name.

• Read NPN message boards.

5. Tools for researching individual schools• cps.edu/Schools/Find_a_school/Pages/Findaschool.

aspx. There is a ton of information, including detailed reports for each school.

• Individual school websites for information from the “Friends of” organization and the school’s LSC

• Cpsobsessed.com and NPN message boards

• The Five-Essentials Reports, available at illinois.5-essentials.org/2013

• Mobility rates for CPS schools (Google it!)

• The school’s playground after school

• For additional assistance, contact:

• Christine Whitley (christinewhitley.com), who offers (informative and affordable) seminars and private consultation on navigating the CPS application process

• PREP Chicago (prepchicago.com), which provides enrichment/test prep classes for selective enrollment testing

6. Final tips on selecting a school• Find the right “fit” for YOUR family. Just because

someone else loved or hated the school does not mean you or your child(ren) will, too.

• Consider logistics. This includes location, commute, start/end times, availability/quality of before or after care and sibling policies. Note that earlier start times often mean less traffic and time commuting.

• Don’t get bogged down in test scores (or any other metric). Reported test scores only reflect kids 3rd grade and up. The test scores for “up-and-coming” schools may not reflect the performance of younger students.

Carolyn Morehouse lives on Chicago’s Northwest Side with her husband

Pete and two children. Her six-year-old son attends kindergarten at a CPS

school, and her three-year-old daughter attends a private Montessori school.

Morehouse works as a construction attorney in downtown Chicago.

CONSIDER LOgISTICS, INCLUDINg LOCATION, COMMUTE, bEfORE AND AfTER CARE, SIbLINg POLICIES AND MORE.

CPS: TIPS fOR APPLyINg TO kINDERgARTEN By Carolyn Morehouse, NPN member since 2007

LEARN

1. Read the Options for Knowledge Guide! Available at cpsoae.org→school guides→options guide (elementary schools). Learn about different types of schools, their admission policies and logistics (e.g., busing).

Tip: Some schools have entry years at PK3 (e.g., Drummond, Suder, Oscar Mayer) or PK4 (Inter-American), leaving only a few spots for KG.

2. Prioritize where you tour. Touring allows you to learn about strengths/weaknesses of individual schools and helps you identify your priorities. You should tour: (1) your neighborhood school; (2) magnets you reside within “proximity” to (based on CPS’s “school locator”); and (3) well-established/up-and-coming neighborhood schools that accept children out of boundaries.

Helpful tip: Tour Disney I if you live in proximity. It is a large, unique school with lots of KG spots, and 50 percent of its proximity area (in the lake) has no residents.

3. Develop your “back-up plan” and CPS application strategy early. After you decide on your back-up plan, focus on schools you would choose over that. If necessary, apply to at least a few CPS “safety schools” (i.e., well-established or up-and-coming CPS neighborhood schools that have historically exhausted their wait lists).

4. How easy or difficult is it to get into CPS schools (especially for non-siblings)? This varies by school and specific lottery pool. The acceptance rate can be as low as one to two percent or less for popular magnets or up to 100 percent (including entry off the wait list) at “safety schools.”

If you want admission statistics for an individual school:

• Call the school and ask about your specific lottery pool (sibling, proximity, tier, general) for this past year, including number of spots, their highest wait list number, how far they got down their wait list and when.

• Visit cpsobsessed.com for the annual March “post your lottery results here” post, which includes information about many schools’ wait list numbers/

npnparents.org • 7

CPS: TIPS fOR APPLyINg TO kINDERgARTEN By Carolyn Morehouse, NPN member since 2007

WHEN fINDINg THE “RIgHT” SCHOOL DOESN’T HAPPEN RIgHT AWAyBy Melanie Schlachter, NPN Executive Director, NPN member since 2007

LEARN

• Many schools have different “entry points.” Some have spaces that open in later grades and others add classrooms each year. If it makes sense to wait until a later age to apply, getting into a school in a “non-entry” year isn’t always impossible.

• Learning styles and needs may vary greatly from child to child. Perhaps one sibling needs an extra year in an early childhood setting, while another is socially and developmentally ready to start kindergarten at a “big kid school.”

• No decision is permanent. Children’s needs may change over time. If you feel in your heart that another school option might suit your child better, don’t be afraid to pursue something different.

• Financial aid is available. If the tuition at a school you love is beyond your budget, consider applying for financial aid. It never hurts to apply (most schools don’t consider it as part of their decision-making process) and many students receive some support, even at Chicago’s “top” selective enrollment private schools.

• Kids are resilient. If you have to make a change, chances are a transition from one school to another will be far more difficult for you than for your child. Keep a positive outlook and don’t let your kids see your stress.

It took a few tries, but ultimately we found the school of our dreams, where our whole family can grow, learn, feel connected and continue to enjoy the city life that’s a part of who we are.

Melanie Schlachter joined the NPN team in 2010, after more than

10 years of corporate and marketing experience with

PricewaterhouseCoopers. She holds a B.S. in accounting from Miami

University. She lives in Andersonville with her husband Christian,

son Jack, daughter Clara and dog Parker.

We attended NPN school fairs, used the school directory, went to the Chicago School Choice programs and talked to everyone we knew (plus strangers on the street). We did our due diligence and thought we had found the school of our dreams, a place where our kids could spend the next 10+ years.

As it turned out, what seemed like the perfect fit ended up not being the best long-term learning environment for our kids. It was a difficult decision to change schools, but back to the drawing board we went.

Finding the right school can be the top stressor for many Chicago parents. We all know families who have opted to move rather than deal with the perceived headache of finding a school in the city.

The good news is that Chicago is chock-full of amazing school options. What works for one family might be vastly different from what is best for another. Classroom size, location, after-school options and teaching style are important factors but can often be difficult, if not impossible, to prioritize when your child is barely out of diapers.

Some points to keep in mind when narrowing down your search:

• Think about your core family values. Are you interested in a more traditional learning environment vs. more progressive? Will the amount of homework given make an impact? Is religious education (or lack thereof) important?

WHAT WORkS fOR ONE fAMILy MIgHT bE VASTLy DIffERENT fROM WHAT IS bEST fOR ANOTHER.

Photo courtesy Melanie Schlachter.

8 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

A safe solution: Purchase a play yard manufactured after February 28, 2013. Place it away from cords, remove attachments (bassinet, changing table, etc.) and don’t add bedding.

WalkersWalkers can put children in harm’s way, either through falls or access to dangerous items. Canada has banned walkers, and doctors have concerns about development issues that arise with walker use.

Safety concern: Many older models of walkers still in use are narrow enough to fit through a standard doorway or don’t have gripping mechanisms to stop at the edge of steps. As a result, many children have fallen down the stairs while in walkers.

A safe solution: Use a stationary activity center, which serves many of the same purposes as walkers, but without the hazards.

Bath seatsDrowning is the third leading cause of accidental death in the U.S. Children have died while in bath seats because parents or caregivers regarded them as safety devices or because of faulty components on the bath seat.

Safety concern: Bath seats can give parents a false sense of security, allowing them to think they can leave the baby unattended in the bath even for the briefest moment. Bath seats are never a substitute for a parent or caregiver and should never be used as a safety device. Tip-overs are common with bath seats as the suction cups can fail.

A safe solution: Consider using a small baby bathtub within the larger bath instead of a bath seat. Always keep babies and very young children within arm’s reach while in any water.

These solutions will help make your child’s environment much safer. To make sure the products your child uses are hazard-free, visit CPSC.gov and check if your product has been recalled. To check for recall products on the go, visit KidsInDanger.org from any mobile device.

Laura Nikolovska has worked for Kids in Danger, a nonprofit in River North

working to keep children safe, since September 2012 and is currently

program director. She lives in North Center with her husband.

Following are ways to keep kids safe while they use products every home with children likely has.

CribThe crib is one place where a young child is alone for an extended time. Therefore, it’s important to keep your child safe there.

Safety concern #1: Many older cribs, which don’t meet safety standards for new cribs, remain in use.

Safety concern #2: Many parents add crib accessories, including crib bumper pads, heavy blankets and toys, to their baby’s sleep space, which decreases the child’s safety.

A safe solution: Invest in a crib manufactured after June 28, 2011, which must meet tough new safety standards, and keep the inside of the crib bare.

Portable crib/play pen/play yardLike cribs, we leave children in play yards (also called pack ’n’ plays or travel cribs) for sleep or play. Recognize the safety concerns with play yards and adhere to safe solutions to keep your child safe.

Safety concern: Play yards manufactured before February 28, 2013 don’t meet tough new safety standards. Some risks with older play yards include entrapment, strangulation and falling.

AS PARENTS, WE HAVE AN ONgOINg LIST Of CONCERNS fOR OUR CHILDREN, AND MANy DON’T HAVE ObVIOUS SOLUTIONS.

SAfE SOLUTIONS fOR SAfETy CONCERNSBy Laura Nikolovska, Kids in Danger (KID), NPN member since 2011

LEARN

npnparents.org • 9

1300 West Loyola Avenue ¼ Chicago, IL ¼ chicagowaldorf.orglighting the fires of learning

waldorf education is imaginative ¼ intelligent ¼ involved ¼ well-rounded

Sign-up for a Tour & Orientation: 773-465-2371Oct. 17 ¼ Nov. 14 ¼ Dec. 12 ¼ Jan. 9

Learning... from the Inside Out

parent-child ¼ early childhoodgrade school ¼ middle school ¼ high school

SPECIALIZES IN: Residential Real Estate

Property value analysis

Property search

Home buyer’s / seller’s

consultation

Visit www.crer.com to view Chicago Listings

Chicago Association of Realtors: 2012 Top Producer

Chicago Real Estate Resources is a local residential real

estate firm located in Lakeview. Neil has over 15 years

experience in real estate, and with a strong sales background

Neil has worked on the purchase and sale of single family

homes, townhomes and condos all over Chicago.

10 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

our initial consultation, we realized the significance of having a proper estate plan in place, not only to protect our daughter’s future, but also our own.

A short time later, I changed my career path and began working as an estate planning attorney. I realized if I was lacking knowledge about estate planning, there were other young families with the same issues. I wanted to devote my skills to helping young families plan for their futures by securing proper estate plans.

Parents have very busy lives, and an estate plan is not generally on anyone’s list of urgent life matters, nor is it at the top of a parent’s budget list. However, I can attest that having the peace of mind knowing my daughter’s future is secure is a priceless gift.

Meghan O’Brien is an attorney who focuses her practice on estate

planning for young families. She works at the Garofalo Law Group

(glgfirm.com) in Chicago. She lives in the West Loop with her husband and

one-year-old daughter.

On September 22, 2012, I gave birth to my darling daughter, and my world changed forever. The first few months of her life were crazy for my husband and me; however, after some time, our new family settled into a routine. Of course, as parents of a one-year-old, we have a lot to learn, but we have come a long way from our first few weeks!

As time passed, we decided to take steps to plan for our family’s future. We wanted to make sure we did everything in our power to protect our daughter in case anything happened to either one of us. We decided to be more fiscally responsible, put together a budget and focus on saving money. We purchased long-term disability insurance and had lively debates about whether we wanted whole or term life insurance (oh how our conversations have changed!).

We were unsure about whether we needed an estate plan. We are both young and fortunately in good health. We figured since we had the proper insurance in place, our daughter would be financially secure. However, as an attorney, I felt I would be lacking some due diligence if we did not at least consider an estate plan. As such, we arranged a meeting with an estate planning attorney. It proved to be a great decision.

During our consultation, we learned there were several parts of an estate plan we did not fully consider. I knew we should name a guardian for our child; however, I had not considered all the additional issues that might arise if one of us became incapacitated. For example, we could leave specific instructions for our daughter’s guardian about protecting our assets for our daughter’s best interests. We learned about issues of incapacity and how to honor each other’s wishes in case of a life-threatening emergency. We learned about the benefits of a trust versus a will. After

AfTER OUR INITIAL CONSULTATION, WE REALIzED THE SIgNIfICANCE Of HAVINg A PROPER ESTATE PLAN IN PLACE, NOT ONLy TO PROTECT OUR DAUgHTER’S fUTURE, bUT ALSO OUR OWN.

ESTATE PLANNINg: A PRICELESS gIfT fOR yOUR NEW fAMILyBy Meghan N. O’Brien, NPN member since 2012

LEARN

Photo courtesy Meghan N. O’Brien.

npnparents.org • 11

DEPAUL COMMUNITY MUSIC DIVISION

Youth String Orchestra

String Reading Orchestra

Saturdays 3:00 – 4:00 p.m.

DePaul Youth String Orchestra

Saturdays 4:00 – 5:30 p.m.

Advanced Chamber Music Ensemble

Saturdays 5:45 – 6:30 p.m.

Mina Zikri

Director

Now in its 18th year, the DePaul Community Music Division’s String Orchestra program

offers a uniquely supportive and engaging experience for young musicians. Emphasizing

high quality performances and fostering leadership within an ensemble, the orchestra

program complements a student’s individual lesson experience. Weekly rehearsals

culminate in performances at the end of each quarter, featuring a wide range of repertoire

for string orchestra. Youth String Orchestra is open to students studying violin, viola, cello

and bass, ages seven years and up who are playing at a Suzuki Book 2 level or higher.

REHE AR SA L S:

Youth Orchestra meets

Saturdays at DePaul University’s

Lincoln Park campus

Please call 773-325-7262 to

schedule an audition.

Untitled-2 1 10/31/13 7:55 PM

 

 

-­‐    

   

 

-­‐ -­‐ -­‐ -­‐  

LET THE BIDDING BEGIN...NPN Silent Auction — May 1–4

(preview now through April 30)

DON'T LET SOMEONE OUTBID YOU!

To donate [email protected] or visitbiddingforgood.com/npnparents

12 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

• Buy some big, sexy granny panties; they are going to feel comfy-cozy because you will be going home with a big pad for bleeding.

• Pack a comfortable yet stylish outfit to wear when you go home from the hospital; you’ll memorialize the outfit in photos so bring clothes you feel good in and make sure the shirt is long enough to hide the big pads.

Get it Together ideas for after the baby is home• Create five outfits you can throw on at a moment’s notice

after you bring the baby home so you feel put together. A button-down top is ideal because it’s loose, and patterns are great for camouflage. Add a basic legging, and maybe a scarf and flats—chic and so comfy.

• For those girly-girls out there, like me, schedule your hair and nail appointments and either figure out who is watching the baby or realize you’re not going to be alone much and you’re taking the baby with you.

Becoming a new mom is the most exciting and daunting experience of your life. I hope these tips help you ease into motherhood and get it together with your newborn.

Eirene Heidelberger is a certified parent coach and the president and CEO

of GIT Mom, which she created to provide parents with effective tools to

parent their children. She offers tools to build happy homes and balanced

lives so GIT Moms can get it together and have more “me” time.

As a mom of three boys younger than age nine, I know a lot about having babies and bringing them home from the hospital without the entire family having a nuclear meltdown. The key is proactive parenting! Start with preparing your home properly before you deliver your baby. Here are my Get it Together tips!

Last-minute touches to your nursery before pushing your baby out• Wash the baby’s clothes and blankets.

• Place diapers and wipes on other floors of the house.

• Do not use a wipe or bottle warmer; what are you going to do when you emerge from your house? Bring them with and plug them in? No, you’re not!

• Buy A&D ointment; it’s the only diaper rash product I’ve ever used that cures diaper rash after one application.

• Pack your stomach band in your hospital bag. My secret weapon!

Last-minute touches to your life before pushing your baby out• Practice getting the car seat in and out of your car as

well as collapsing the stroller.

• Have your caregivers practice, too. Avoid their desperate call for help when you’re finally baby-free.

• Pre-select your baby thank-you cards and buy stamps.

• If you love TV like I do, save programs and movies on your DVR so you have something to look forward to during 2 a.m. feedings.

• Create your contact list for sharing your baby news and decide who is going to send that email.

• Think about whether or not you want visitors at the hospital. It’s perfectly normal if you don’t, so tell your friends if that’s your preference.

START WITH PREPARINg yOUR HOME PROPERLy bEfORE yOU DELIVER yOUR bAby.

gETTINg IT TOgETHER bEfORE AND AfTER DELIVERyBy Eirene Heidelberger, NPN member since 2012

CARE

Photo courtesy Eirene Heidelberger.

npnparents.org • 13

scared, I requested pain relief. By the time I got to the labor and delivery room and our doula was able to join us, meds were on their way. Pitocin followed, and my baby boy was born 20 hours later with the help of a vacuum. Seven years later, that still sounds strange.

I was disappointed the doctor had to use the vacuum, I didn’t have a “natural” birth, and I couldn’t hold my son right after he was born. I was disappointed my doula didn’t make a difference in the delivery room.

However, she supported me in other ways. When we were home from the hospital and having trouble breastfeeding, she came to my house minutes after I called. Her advice helped me tackle breastfeeding successfully. The confidence I felt before childbirth, knowing she would be there to assist, helped me relax in the last few months of my pregnancy. That benefit is hard to quantify but it was real.

Although my labor and delivery were less than ideal, I had everything I hoped for: my baby. Despite my research, I never considered the benefit of a doula outside labor and delivery. I hired her because I wanted a non-medicated birth. I didn’t reach that goal, but her support before and after childbirth set me up for success that lasted well beyond the relatively few hours spent in the delivery room.

Amy Johnson lives in West Town with her husband and their two sons. She

enjoys working with NPN volunteers, volunteering at her sons’ CPS school

and working with au pairs and their host families.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was overwhelmed with the thought of childbirth and a hospital stay. I had a lot to learn. I talked with friends, read articles and followed blogs. I bought pregnancy books and baby books and joined discussion forums.

I learned I had a lot of choices for labor and delivery. I realized I wanted a non-medicated labor and delivery, but I worried doctors and hospitals might not respect or encourage that decision.

I wanted someone knowledgeable on my side when I was in the hospital: someone whose sole job would be to look out for my best interests, someone with childbirth experience and medical insight to help my husband and me make decisions when it might be difficult to think straight. After a lot of research, I hired a doula.

My doula was lovely. I didn’t mind that she was in the process of completing her doula certification. I appreciated her lower price point, which reflected her level of training. Once I hired her, I felt my support system was complete.

When I went into labor, my doula came to the house and ran a bath for me. She helped my husband organize the few remaining items we needed to bring to the hospital and rode with us in the car. But when I got to the check-in desk at labor and delivery, for reasons I still don’t understand, the nurses did not allow her to be with us in triage. Uncomfortable and

I NEVER CONSIDERED THE bENEfIT Of A DOULA OUTSIDE LAbOR AND DELIVERy.

DOES A DOULA MAkE A DIffERENCE?By Amy Johnson, NPN Volunteer Director, NPN member since 2006

CARE

Photo courtesy Amy Johnson.

14 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

npnparents.org • 15

Early bedtime. When a child is overtired, she gets wired and can’t settle down and fall asleep. Once she does, sleep will be restless, and there’s a higher probability of night wakings.

Choose a bedtime between 6 and 8 p.m., based on the last nap of the day and your baby’s age. Bedtimes aren’t set in stone; you can always move bedtime earlier if your child seems tired or cranky. Just try not to make it later.

Remember, sleep begets sleep. Exhausting your child will result in shorter naps, night wakings and earlier wakeups—this includes skipping naps!—and getting off schedule will affect the next 24-hour cycle of sleep.

Sleep routines for bedtime and naps. Routines are something you can start at a very early age and are an excellent cue to the body and mind to settle down and get ready for sleep.

Bedtime routines should last 20–30 minutes and take place at least partially in the child’s room. Your routine might include a bath, pajamas, feed and maybe a song or book.

A short nap routine will help transition from being out at a baby class or doing errands to settling down for sleep. It should be five to 10 minutes and can include putting on “sleep clothes,” closing the window shades and having a short cuddle and song.

Keep baby awake while feeding. If you’re feeding your baby during the night, keep feedings low-key and quiet, but try not to let him fall asleep at the breast or bottle. He won’t get a full feed, which means he’ll be hungry sooner, and feeding to sleep will become a sleep prop.

Kim Schaf, M.A.T., mom to two boys, is the founder of Sleep Training

Solutions and the Midwest regional director for the Association of

Professional Sleep Consultants. She helps sleep-deprived parents solve

issues related to extended bedtimes, frequent night wakings and short

naps with sleep plans customized for their families.

Here’s the honest truth: while sleep itself is innate, falling asleep and staying asleep is a learned behavior.

So if your baby or toddler isn’t falling asleep by himself or getting himself back to sleep in the middle of the night, or is regularly taking 20-minute naps, you don’t need to just wait it out (the most current research suggests that children will not necessarily outgrow sleep issues anyway). You can teach him how to do it! Here are some proven tips to get you started:

Remove sleep props. Props come in many forms: feeding, rocking, being held, crib toys, bouncing on a Pilates ball while running the kitchen sink. If your baby depends on one (or more) to fall asleep, he will need it every time he wakes during the night or from a short nap.

Remember, the swaddle can be a prop after 12 weeks and becomes a safety hazard once your baby starts rolling.

Be consistent. Children learn and thrive when expectations are clear and the rules don’t change. Anyone taking care of your baby should be on the same page regarding how your child is falling asleep—especially grandma or the nanny—and whenever possible, he should be sleeping in the same place.

ROUTINES ARE AN ExCELLENT CUE TO THE bODy AND MIND TO SETTLE DOWN AND gET READy fOR SLEEP.

TEACH yOUR CHILD TO bE AN AMAzINg SLEEPER!By Kim Schaf, NPN member since 2012

CARE

Photo courtesy Kim Schaf.

16 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

Household responsibilities. If your family has a baby or kiddos are in school, chances are there is some down time. Have your nanny do the kids’ laundry. Helping to unload and load the dishwasher, taking out the garbage and picking up can be ways to make your life easier. Folding laundry can also be a huge time saver for you.

Errands. Most nannies are happy to run a few errands, whether it’s finding a birthday gift for a party this weekend or grabbing your shirts at the cleaners. Let them pick up a few items at the grocery store to make your commute home shorter.

Organizing. Most nannies love to organize the kids’ drawers, especially if they dress the little ones in the morning and do their laundry. Snack areas can become a mess! If the nanny organizes your kitchen cabinets, that’s another time saver so you can spend more time with your kids.

Being flexible. There may be some weeks when you pay your nanny a salary and she doesn’t quite hit the 50-hour mark. Instead of paying her anyway, ask her to do an occasional date night and roll it into her compensation. This way you can enjoy some alone time with your partner.

So next time you interview a nanny and you think her salary requirements are too high, think of this list of things she might do and how she’s worth every penny.

Sarah Davis has had three kiddos, lived in five neighborhoods in Chicago

and relocated with her family to Austin, where she has expanded her

business Olive.You.Nanny.

As I talk to many parents about child care, the questions I hear most often relate to compensation. Why, how and, more importantly, can we afford this?! The list can go on and on. Nannies wear many hats, and they should be compensated. I truly believe families know nannies have an endless worth but sometimes the reality on pay is a tough pill to swallow. If you are paying your nanny a higher rate based on her experience and education, chances are you could be asking for a few “extras.”

Here are some insights about nanny compensation and how your family can take advantage of the options.

NANNIES WEAR MANy HATS, AND THEy SHOULD bE COMPENSATED.

NANNy DOLLARS WELL SPENTBy Sarah Davis, NPN member since 2004

CARE

Photo courtesy Sarah Davis.

npnparents.org • 17

As an expectant parent or a seasoned parent, it is important to engage in good self-care to maintain well-being so you can be more available to your family and effective in meeting their needs.

What is self-care?Establishing good self-care is a commitment to your physical, emotional, mental and social health. Self-care entails acknowledging the importance of and working towards your growth and balance. Self-care means looking after yourself in all areas of your life, knowing your own values, needs and wants and carving out time to meet them.

How to transform your self-care with three steps

Shift your internal dialogue. Begin by telling yourself, “I care about myself and I want to nurture myself. I deserve to live a fulfilling and balanced life.” Approaching a good self-care plan means putting yourself first at times. Putting oneself first is not an act of selfishness, but an act of self-respect.

Start listening to your self-talk—your thoughts and feelings. Ask yourself, “What are my needs and wants?” versus “What should I do?” This is not to say we don’t have obligations. For example, we are obligated to meet the needs of our children. Engaging in good self-care is learning

ESTAbLISHINg gOOD SELf-CARE IS A COMMITMENT TO yOUR PHySICAL, EMOTIONAL, MENTAL AND SOCIAL HEALTH.

THREE PRACTICAL TIPS TO TRANSfORM yOUR SELf-CARE REgIMENBy Jennifer Larson, LCPC, NCC, NPN member since 2008

CARE

Photo courtesy Jennifer Larson.

how to listen and behave in ways that are congruent. It is also balancing what is required of us with behaving in ways that help to fulfill our needs and wants.

Begin to see how saying “no” allows you to say “yes” to other things. Many people have a difficult time saying “no” to people because they feel bad or believe they are always responsible for others. Or they care too much about what others think, which can lead to caring too little for oneself. Try saying “no” to checking emails for an hour, which might allow you to say “yes” to reading a book.

Use your calendar as your ally. Our obligations easily fill up our calendar. Many people schedule work meetings, children’s doctor’s appointments and school functions, but neglect to put self-care in their calendars. As a result, they can feel tired, worn out and disconnected.

Start putting time for you in your calendar. It helps to gain three perspectives—the immediate, short-term and long-term—to better balance your responsibilities with your personal needs and wants. For instance, if the upcoming week is filled with obligations on three weekday nights, plug in “me time” the other weekday night and “date night” or “hang out with friends” on a weekend night.

Using these three steps will begin to transform your self-care regimen, restoring your inner strength and energy, which will grant you greater capacity to be more available and present to the people who matter in your life, like your family.

Jennifer Larson, LCPC, NCC is president and psychotherapist at Larson

Counseling & Consultation, P.C., a private practice group in downtown

Chicago that offers comprehensive psychotherapy services to children,

adolescents, adults, couples and families. For additional information,

please visit jenniferlarsontherapy.com.

18 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

SOCIAL SNAPSHOT CONNECTINg CHICAgO PARENTS

Thank you to everyone who came to the Strollers First

5K & Festival! We had a great time (despite the rain) with

Universal Sole, Magellan Development, Growing Smiles,

101.9 The Mix and all our fabulous race partners and

volunteers. Photos by 5 Boys + 1 Girl = 6 Photography.

SOCIAL SCENE OUT AND AbOUT WITH NPN

Hundreds of parents got one-to-one access to an amazing list of preschools, elementary schools and resources at the NPN South Side Preschool & Elementary School Fair. Photos by Eva Ho Photography.

npnparents.org • 19

SOCIAL SNAPSHOT

What a great time we had exploring at some of our favorite Chicago spots, including the NPN Free Days at the Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum and the Museum of Science & Industry. Photo by Melanie Schlachter.

The NPN Annual Preschool & Elementary School Fair

at Grossinger City Autoplex never ceases to amaze by

helping parents narrow down their school search.

Photos by Eva Ho Photography.

Check out the NPN blog and connect with us on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest to get the latest buzz on hot parenting topics, such as:

• Why brothers and sisters fight

• Caring for your new baby: beyond feeding and sleeping

• When your child says “I’m bored”

NPN

20 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

“Infants do not have the ability to regulate their temperature when they become too cold or too hot,” Sagan said. “With their heads larger in proportion to their small bodies, they must wear hats to prevent excessive heat loss. Their small fingers, noses and toes are more likely to freeze, so extra care is needed, but you can still bring them out as long as they are fully protected from the wind and cold.”

Hats and gloves and boots, oh my! Warm tips from Chicago parents According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the rule of thumb for babies and young children is to dress them in one more layer of clothing than an adult would wear in the same conditions. But how do you get your child to dress appropriately for winter in Chicago?

• Jamie Quinlan, Portage Park resident and mom of three boys younger than four, said they have a simple rule: if they don’t have their hats and gloves on, they don’t leave the house. “My boys are used to the rule now so it’s not an issue, but when they were babies, I would pick hats that couldn’t be pulled off easily,” she said. “The best ones were hats that fastened under the chin or elastic around the brim.”

• Jefferson Park resident Liza Teodoro, mom of two girls ages four and five, said she let her girls choose their own hats. “They picked out hats from Cozee Critters—different animals and cute colors—and they love to wear them.” For gloves, they stockpile cheap stretchy gloves for everyday and keep fleece mittens at the ready for when the temperatures dip below freezing.

• Ruth Hickey, a Lincoln Park resident with an 11-year-old son, said a pair of warm, comfortable, waterproof boots is her critical winter item. “Cold wet feet turn my son into a big whiner. So if the boots are comfortable for him, he’ll wear them.” The all-essential hats and gloves are not easy for an 11-year-old to hang onto, so it’s important to have multiples of these items. “I don’t even bother with a scarf—one more item to be left on the playground. I just find coats that zip up to his chin and then we’re all set.”

Swedish Covenant Hospital is an independent, nonprofit hospital that has

served the residents of Chicago’s North and Northwest Side communities

for more than 125 years. For more information, visit SwedishCovenant.org.

PRACTICAL ADVICE fOR kEEPINg yOUR kIDS WARM WHILE PLAyINg OUTSIDE

bAby, IT’S COLD OUTSIDE

Submitted by Nicole Joseph, Swedish Covenant Hospital, NPN member since 2013

PLAy

Anyone who’s lived in Chicago knows the winter weather can be downright frightful. However, the outdoors can still be delightful for you and your family as long as you’ve got the basics—hands, feet and heads—covered.

According to Dr. Andy Sagan, pediatrician at Swedish Covenant Hospital, the cold weather shouldn’t be a reason to keep the kids indoors. “As long as you keep your children’s hands and heads covered and feet warm and dry, it should be okay to play outside regardless of the temperature.”

And, he said, the idea that people are more likely to catch an illness from being outdoors in wintry weather is a fallacy. “You have to be around a germ to catch a germ, which means your children are more likely to catch a cold by playing at an indoor playground or at their friend’s house than being outside.”

While catching an illness isn’t a problem outdoors, hypothermia or frostbite can be if the child is not dressed warmly with fingers and toes protected.

“We don’t see frostbite very often, but it can happen,” Sagan said. “Older children in their tweens and teens are more likely to shed their hats and gloves, then get caught up in an activity without realizing they’ve been exposed to chilly weather too long. Parents of older children must help them understand they need to protect themselves outside.”

Parents of infants need to take extra precautions outdoors in the cold weather.

Photo courtesy Swedish Covenant Hospital.

npnparents.org • 21

www.mygym.com

20,000,000games  and  rides

3,000,000proud  happy  parents

826,000handstands

560,000square  feet  of  fun

Happy  New  Year  from

My  Gym  Chicago!

My Gym Chicago(773) [email protected]

Join  for  only$14  in  ‘14!

Save  $61  when  you  enrollby  January  31,  2014

New members only.

Award-winning  programs  forchildren  6  months  thru  8  years

22 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

®

UNLOCK YOUR CHILD’S GREATEST POTENTIAL

C h i c a g o • O a k B r o o k • O a k Pa r k

• Anxiety and Depression

• Chronic Medical Illness and Disabilities

• School and Peer Problems

• Parent Counseling

Other Counseling Services Include:

• Neuropsychological and Psychological Testing

• Young Children 0-5

• Behavioral/Discipline Problems

• ADHD

Autism Treatment Program– Immediate Openings!

7 7 3 . 6 6 5 . 8 0 5 2 x 4 • w w w. s m a r t l o v e f a m i l y . o r g

Have a Parenting Dilemma?

Join Chicago Parent EVERY FRIDAY

at 8:10pmon the Chicago Parent Facebookpage for our weekly discussions.

CHICAGO PARENT CAN HELP!

Visit ChicagoParent.com for more information

npnparents.org • 23

Photography has gotten much easier for parents. You no longer have to lug a big DSLR and movie camera to capture those special moments at the park. Let’s face it: our kids grow an inch each day. OK, maybe not that much but they are forever changing, and with lives becoming busier, it is difficult to carry extra gear to capture those special moments, let alone download, edit and save those images to our PCs. That is why “phonetography” has become so popular. Most phones have fabulous cameras as well as take HD video. Why not become a “phonetographer”?

I find the best images of my children are during our time in the library, in the backyard or just walking down the street. The most ordinary moments I have with my children are the moments I want to remember. What is mundane today might be different tomorrow. The times we are hanging out together eating an ice cream cone or the first time they climb up the slide or on the swing set are special moments I want to keep.

Phones have made it easy to capture those moments digitally and share with friends and family who are not there to experience them. My favorite app for taking pictures is VSCOcam, which not only allows you to move focus points and control light but also includes editing software and the ability to upload your images to the social networks of your choice. Another awesome app I use for editing is PicTapGo, which also offers editing and cropping capabilities that allow you to share full-screen pictures instead of the square images on Instagram.

THE MOST ORDINARy MOMENTS I HAVE WITH My CHILDREN ARE THE MOMENTS I WANT TO REMEMbER.

“PHONETOgRAPHy” MAkES fAMILy PHOTOS A SNAP By Katie Driscoll, NPN member since 2013

PLAy

In more good news, applications have been developed to help save those memories you have captured. You can organize them into photo books and create a photo montage with video stream right from your phone. So we as parents have no more excuses. We can create, share and save our children’s memories right from the palm of our hands (with our smartphones). My favorite app to create a coffee table book is Mosaic, which offers a sleek and organic feel to its products. You can also check out the Disney Store app that gives you the opportunity to create beautiful videos using still images and video, with the option of adding music and using different themes. You can download these videos to share on social networks or save to your computer. This is an awesome way to capture those first steps or that first ride on a two-wheeler.

The digital age has provided great opportunities to capture and share our memories with our loved ones. It just takes a little practice, and you will have fantastic photos full of memories that will last a lifetime.

Katie Driscoll, mom to six children, spends time behind the lens every

chance she gets. She is owner/photographer of 5 boys + 1 girl = 6

Photography (5boysand1girlmake6photography.com) and co-founder of

Changing the Face of Beauty (changingthefaceofbeauty.org), a campaign

encouraging advertisers to include children of all abilities in the media.

Photos courtesy Katie Driscoll.

24 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

I was delighted! I carefully began to pack two huge boxes. I included snowsuits with matching hats and mittens. Coordinating fancy dresses. Sleepers, rompers, bibs, bonnets, socks, shoes, bath towels and more. As I folded each outfit, I thought about the person who had given it to us, the times our girls wore them, the new experiences they had.

I am an immensely sentimental person. Typically, it’s hard for me to let go of things that trigger such good memories. However, I am also practical. I knew these items were no longer useful to us but could make another mom’s life easier. I happily marked the two boxes: FOR ANGELICA.

This experience shifted my thinking. I became a bit obsessed about how I passed on donations from that day forward. Suddenly, I scrutinized everything. Who really needs this item? Where would it do the most good? I began making separate donation piles in our office (a.k.a. the room for everything I don’t know what to do with yet). My loving husband kindly stepped over my piles to get to his desk.

Now, when I have items to donate, I carefully select who will receive them. It is easier for me to get rid of things if I believe they will actually make a difference to someone else. The Internet has made it simple to find and select a variety of local donation options. I can donate conscientiously without driving myself (or anyone else) crazy in the process.

Laura Wilkens has a degree in child and family services and a background

in human services. She enjoys design shows with her teenage daughters

and traveling with them and her husband Rick. Laura works at Zealous

Good, which helps people do great things with their donated goods.

[email protected] or [email protected]

IT IS EASIER fOR ME TO gET RID Of THINgS If I bELIEVE THEy WILL ACTUALLy MAkE A DIffERENCE TO SOMEONE ELSE.

WHy I DONATE CONSCIENTIOUSLyBy Laura Wilkens, Zealous Good, NPN member since 2013

Fifteen years ago, my husband and I were blessed with healthy twin girls. We were showered with love, support and an abundance of beautiful baby items. The experience was overwhelming in many ways. It made me wonder about the moms who didn’t have the same support. How did they manage? How did they acquire all the necessary items for their babies? I felt compelled to share my blessings with a mom of twins in need.

I knew I could donate all our baby stuff to any donation center. I wasn’t satisfied with that option. I spent several days calling charities. Each one was gracious and would gladly accept what I had to donate. However, none of them could tell me where my stuff would end up. I asked who would use the items and if they knew of a mom with twin girls. I must have sounded crazy. Finally, after many disappointing attempts, I came across an exceptional social worker. She was willing to identify a specific mom for me. She would personally make sure my donations went to this mom and her twin daughters.

PLAy

Photo courtesy Laura Wilkens.

npnparents.org • 25

The Center for Children and Families provides family-centered assessment and treatment for children birth through 8.

parent consultation

Concerned about your child?

call 312-893-7119.

Center for Children and Families451 North LaSalle StreetChicago, IL 60654-4510www.erikson.edu/ccf

graduate school in child development

26 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

I accepted her words and promised myself I would let go of the guilt (at least as far as this subject was concerned). I was doing the best I could, and I would continue to do so. And if that wasn’t enough, hopefully the smash cake would make up for it.

Molly McNamara is a recently divorced mother of two boys. She writes a

blog (365waystogetbacktoyou.blogspot.com) to navigate this life change,

which she hopes might inspire, comfort and support anyone going

through a major heartbreak. She’s also a foodie, devoted yogi, caffeine

junkie, self-proclaimed comedian and MSU Spartan fan.

I PROMISED MySELf I WOULD LET gO Of THE gUILT. I WAS DOINg THE bEST I COULD, AND I WOULD CONTINUE TO DO SO.

LET gO Of THE gUILTBy Molly McNamara, NPN member since 2012

SHARE

Photo courtesy Molly McNamara.

As moms, we somehow seem to be prone to guilt. I felt guilty I was not eating healthy enough or working out as much as I should. I felt guilty I was not keeping up with my friendships better. I felt guilty I was not delivering enough at work. And I always felt guilty I was not giving enough to my kids.

As my younger son’s first birthday approached, I began to feel very guilty about the plans (or lack thereof) for his celebration. For my first son, we had thrown a party. It had a theme. Invitations. Friends. Cupcakes. A smash cake! We had made a big to-do about his first birthday. And now my youngest was nearing the “big one” mark, and I had spent little time thinking through how we would celebrate.

So much had transpired in the past year. I could still visualize the four of us smiling for pictures at the hospital just a year ago as we welcomed the new little guy into our family. And then, within a matter of months, my husband left me. He moved out. He filed for divorce. And our family suddenly was reduced to a unit of three. I had already felt I failed in capturing as many pictures of my younger son during his first year as I had of my older son. I was told this happens with number two, but I still felt bad about it. And now his birthday was around the corner, and I had decided against having a party. Instead, we would travel to visit his grandparents and cousins for a smaller, more intimate celebration.

I was feeling overly emotional one night and broke down on the phone with my mom, saying this would not be enough. She reminded me what a good mother I was. She assured me I had nothing to feel guilty about; I had provided my son with a warm, happy environment, and I had given him all the love in the world. He didn’t need a party when he had me. He wouldn’t even remember a party for that matter. But he would always know he had a mother who loved him with her whole heart.

npnparents.org • 27

else’s hand, every day more independent. How fast things change when you’re a mother.

Over time, I came to know my new baby. He is unassuming, not needy, almost always smiling and extremely observant. He melts my heart in ways I don’t remember Eliana doing. I wonder sometimes if it’s because a son feels different.

As Ehsan became more alert, I realized I wasn’t the only one bonding. Nobody prepared me for my initial feelings of missing Eliana, but nobody prepared me either for the happiness I would feel watching my kids laugh together. They light one another. He watches her every move; she is careful to include him.

Recently, I overheard Eliana talking to Ehsan. She said in a singsong voice, not dissimilar to what she must hear from me, “Ehsany, here’s your toy. Good sharing, baba, love you.”

I realized: I’m not Eliana’s everything anymore. But what replaced that—a sibling—was the greatest gift we could give her.

Nawal Qarooni Casiano is a former newspaper journalist and currently a

literacy coach at a K–8 charter school in McKinley Park. She lives in West

Town with her husband Jonathan and their children Eliana Noor and

Ehsan Noel.

Everyone said it would be hard. Mothers of multiples told me I would have to split my love and attention, “me time” would be scarce, and carving out husband-wife moments would be essential.

But nobody prepared me for what I found most troubling when I delivered my second: I would lament the loss of being my first child’s everything.

The delivery experiences differed. With my first, I demanded natural. I dragged my husband to crunchy birthing classes, where instructors steeled mothers against doctors. I ventured to the hospital when it would be too late for interventions. When Eliana was in my arms, focusing directly on my face, I knew little else in the world mattered than her happiness and health. I was singularly attached, unable to disconnect; I remember my first shower feeling inappropriate in its indulgence, guilty for leaving long enough to wash my hair. It was probably just five minutes.

But when Ehsan was born nearly two years later, everything was different.

I had days of labor-like cramps, prompting several check-ins before my due date. At 39 weeks, my doctor suggested I go to triage, take some Pitocin and get the show on the road. I did it, even though it went against everything (I thought) I believed in. My 22-month-old princess was staying with friends, and I wanted her life back to normal as soon as possible.

I thought about Eliana the entire time. It was the first night in her whole life I hadn’t slept cuddled with her. I felt selfish for leaving when she couldn’t even grasp why.

In the morning, my husband brought Eliana to the hospital. She was asleep, bundled in her red puffy jacket, her disheveled hair showing evidence of my husband’s failed ponytail attempt. Ehsan was burrito-wrapped in the hospital bassinet, and I anxiously waited for Eliana to wake up.

When she did, she wailed. Wouldn’t look at me. Just screamed. It broke my heart. Was she mad at me for abandoning her the night before?

My husband finally calmed her down, and we shared moments without her little brother between us, but I knew our lives wouldn’t be the same.

During the next few months, family took Eliana to various activities. I felt the onset of tears every time she left the house, bouncing towards the door, grabbing someone

I REALIzED: I’M NOT ELIANA’S EVERyTHINg ANyMORE. bUT WHAT REPLACED THAT—A SIbLINg—WAS THE gREATEST gIfT WE COULD gIVE HER.

THE SECOND CHILDBy Nawal Qarooni Casiano, NPN member since 2013

SHARE

Photo courtesy Nawal Qarooni Casiano.

28 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

Legal considerations The path to parenthood poses a host of legal complications for same-sex couples, and laws vary widely from state to state. Gestational surrogacy makes sense for gay men because one partner can have a genetic connection. It guarantees that he will be legally recognized as the child’s biological parent, and the other partner may not need to obtain an adoption for parental rights. Illinois is one of the most progressive states for surrogacy in the U.S.; in fact, hopeful parents from around the world travel here for the process because the Illinois Gestational Surrogacy Act provides additional flexibility and protection. While it requires one parent to be biologically related to the child, the sperm or egg donor has no legal rights, and upon birth, the parents have sole custody and full parental rights. A legal contract is necessary to clarify the intentions of the statute and to protect all parties: intended parents, surrogate and egg donor.

Building Team Baby Since ART becomes a more viable possibility—and since Illinois now recognizes same-sex marriage—it’s imperative for same-sex couples to have a clear understanding of their options as they navigate the path to parenthood. When considering all the moving pieces, many hopeful parents choose to work with an independent third party to help guide the relationship not only with their surrogate, but with all the other key players on “Team Baby.” Having an anchor in place to facilitate medical, emotional, legal, financial and insurance needs eliminates unnecessary stress and uncertainty to achieve the ultimate goal: building their family.

Kate Summers is program coordinator at ConceiveAbilities, a Chicago-

based surrogacy and egg donation agency that has been helping create

unique families since 1996. The agency prides itself on being “the means

to a beginning.” For information, contact ConceiveAbilities.com.

The road to parenthood is not always smooth. After exhausting various methods, many couples eventually turn to assisted reproductive technology (ART). The options for a same-sex couple, though, are typically more black and white: adoption or surrogacy. Surrogacy, which involves third-party reproduction, is often more financially achievable and less complicated legally. Still, it’s a delicate process that deserves thorough research and consideration.

Gestational vs. traditional While surrogacy has been getting more mainstream attention in recent years, there tends to be confusion regarding the two “types.” It’s important to differentiate between gestational versus traditional because of the major biological, legal and emotional implications. In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate mother is not genetically related to the child. Gay males use an egg donor, and lesbian couples use eggs from one of the partners or a donor. In traditional surrogacy, the eggs are those of the surrogate mother, which adds a host of complications to the process, including potential legal and psychological minefields.

Emotional challengesToday, most couples opt for gestational surrogacy, and more are choosing to work with someone they don’t know. Well-meaning friends and family members often volunteer to serve as surrogates, and it’s tempting for many same-sex couples; someone they know and love carrying their baby may seem like the perfect scenario. But from an emotional standpoint, intended parents have to consider their comfort level with the connection to their surrogate. It’s a deeply personal relationship that can be complicated further if they choose to work with a loved one. Medical and financial issues can get sticky—and that’s before the baby is born. What about future ties? Intended parents have to consider the relationship they’ll have moving forward. What role will the surrogate have in their child’s life? It’s a complex dynamic, and for that reason many couples choose to work with a well-screened surrogate they did not previously know. It offers everyone involved the best emotional and legal protection.

fOR SAME-SEx COUPLES, gESTATIONAL SURROgACy CAN bE THE IDEAL fAMILy- bUILDINg SOLUTION.

LgbT PARENTINg AND SURROgACy: A UNIqUE PARTNERSHIP By Kate Summers, NPN member since 2013

SHARE

npnparents.org • 29

From daycare to play dates, keep all those baby items coming

home with Sticky Labels from Mabel’s Labels.

Our durable customized Sticky

Labels are perfect for identifying

baby toys, sippy cups and food

containers.

SHOP NOW! mabelslabels.com | 1.866.306.2235

AD_NPN.indd 1 13-11-04 2:44 PM

30 • Parent to Parent, Vol. 34, No. 1, 2014

Kids may have sensitivities to essential oils, so be mindful when trying this. I run the cycle on cold (the “hot” setting isn’t hot enough to kill off bacteria), then line-dry the covers. I machine dry the inserts with our regular laundry.

Is cloth better for the environment? If you factor in only the statistic mentioned earlier, the answer is clearly “yes.” Also consider: disposable diapers use a substantial amount of raw materials, are bleached during the process and contain petroleum-based plastics. The website greenmama.com has excellent information exploring the environmental benefits of cloth.

It’s messy sometimes, but what about raising kids isn’t? It takes some trial and error but your wallet, your kids and the environment will thank you.

There are fantastic resources online and at local shops. Here are some of my favorites:

thegreenmama.com/analyzing-environmental-life-cycle-costs-diapers

thegreenmama.com/greener-diapering

Local stores with great classes and helpful staff:

bellybumboutique.com

bebybaby.com

Marissa Strassel ([email protected]) is an urban and outdoor enthusiast.

She owns a creative design studio in Ravenswood and lives in Lincoln Square

with her husband Matt, dog Foster and 18-month-old son Enzo.

My adventures in cloth started long before I had kids. I try to live, work and play in a mindful way. On average, each child is responsible for adding 7,000 diapers to landfills during his/her disposable diaper career. I knew if I had kids, they would be in cloth.

When I talk about diapering, many friends are surprised I take the effort to use cloth. We love our diapers, my son doesn’t mind, and it’s part of our routine. It doesn’t seem like we are doing anything extra. I hope by sharing some insight and tips from other moms, others will join me.

Is it expensive? There is an initial investment of around $300, but if you consider that disposables cost roughly $800 per year, cloth definitely comes out ahead. You can reuse cloth with multiple kids, and there are no midnight diaper runs. Kids in cloth tend to experience less diaper rash and potty train faster, too.

Which type do I choose? There are snaps and Velcro, flats and prefolds, all-in-ones and pockets, cotton and hemp. We decided on pocket style (an outer cover with inserts that stuff into the “pocket”). Snaps provide a better fit and they don’t wear out like Velcro can. You can stuff pockets with as many or as few inserts as needed and customize for boys or girls. I have cotton and hemp inserts; hemp is the most absorbent. The other moms I spoke with also prefer pockets, but some opted for prefolds or all-in-ones.

Okay, but what about the poop? Diapering is messy, whether you use disposables or cloth. We have a spray wand attached to the toilet to spray soiled diapers (and never have to touch the poop). The next step is to pre-treat stains with Biokleen Bac-Out, then place poop-free diapers in a pail until laundry day (ours has a washable liner). Other moms dunk the diapers in the toilet, then use hydrogen peroxide or lemon juice as pre-treatment. For additional stain fighting, put your diapers in direct sunlight.

What is laundry like? I wash my diapers every other day. I use Charlie’s Soap and add a few drops of tea tree or peppermint oil. Some moms also add distilled white vinegar.

WE LOVE OUR DIAPERS, My SON DOESN’T MIND, AND IT’S PART Of OUR ROUTINE.

ONE yEAR IN: My ADVENTURES IN CLOTH DIAPERINg By Marissa Strassel, NPN member since 2011

SHARE

Photo courtesy Marissa Strassel.

npnparents.org • 31

We’re  always  growing.

We all decide what we need...what we want...what we need to protect...what really matters. COUNTRY Financial can help you protect what you have and what you want to have in the future. That’s why at COUNTRY Financial we offer a range of insurance and financial options - from auto and home insurance to financial planning, from education to retirement. All with one goal: to help you grow your own way.

1701 W. Belmont Ave.Chicago, IL 60657773-248-1741

1426 W. Fullerton Ave. Chicago, IL 60614773-472-1820

4700 N. Western Ave., Ste BChicago, IL 60625773-728-2957

4708 N. Milwaukee Ave.Chicago, IL 60630773-427-4364

3703 N. HarlemChicago, IL 60634773-427-2851

55 W. Monroe, Ste 3150Chicago, IL 60603773-345-1816

Victoria NygrenAgency Manager

Auto Home Life Retirement1113-520HO

Neighborhood Parents Network of Chicago 2647 N. Western Ave., P.O. Box 8052, Chicago, IL 60647312.409.2233 [email protected]

Non ProfitOrganizationU.S. Postage

PAIDChicago, IL

Permit No. 2536

Not a member yet? Join today at npnparents.org!Get social with NPNparents

UPCOMINg EVENTSVisit our Calendar for more great events all over Chicago!

FEBRUARY

910 a.m.–2 p.m.

NOW THROUGH MAY

4

Developmental Differences Resource Fair

Gordon Tech High School3633 N. California, Chicago

Explore school options, therapists, activities, products and service providers that focus on serving parents of children with developmental differences.

NPN Online Silent Auction

Preview: Now through April 30; Bidding: May 1–4 Support NPN by bidding on amazing auction items! Visit biddingforgood.com/npnparents

Most Awesome Parent Education Programs

AND

Most Awesome Groups for Moms & Dads

6TH ANNUAL

WHEN: Saturday, March 1, 20149:30 am–12:00 pm

WHERE: The Cubby Bear1059 W. Addison St.

TICkETS:NPN Members: Adults $20.00, Children $10.00, Family Four-pack $50.00

Non-Members: Adults $25.00, Children $15.00, Family Four-pack $65.00

Under age 1 free.

Buy tickets at: npnparents.org/events/1167

Special thanks to our sponsors:

WAkE UP & bOOgIE DOWNfAMILy fESTIVAL