Obamas Blackberry 0316074357 HCtextF1 - g-ecx.images ...g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/LITTLems/Obamas_Blackberr… · 15 FROM: Arnold Schwarzenegger TO: Barack Obama SUBJECT:

YOU ARE ABOUT TO GAIN ACCESS TO THE WORLD’S MOST HIGHLY SECURED BLACKBERRY®.

PRAISE FOR KASPER HAUSER’S PREVIOUS WORK:

“Wicked funny.”

“Might be the funniest thing you read this year.”

“Move over, National Lampoon.”

YouTube

Dick Cheney sent a video: Baby panda…

Bill Clinton

Can you send Hillary to Syria this Friday?

Dennis Kucinich

Mahalo! I am selling my 1977 VW bus

PayPal

You have sent AIG $173,000,000,000

Arnold Schwarzenegger Let me go after Bin Laden alone

George W. Bush

Did my dog show up at your house?

Evite

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is turning 53!

Facebook

Joe Biden has poked you on Facebook

Dr. Dre Make me Surgeon General

Inbox (19)

C o v e r d e s i g n b y M a r i o J . P u l i c eC o v e r p h o t o g r a p h b y K e l l y C a m p b e l l

V i s i t o u r w e b s i t e a t w w w. H a c h e t t e B o o k G r o u p . c o mP r i n t e d i n t h e U . S . A . © 2 0 0 9 H a c h e t t e B o o k G r o u p , I n c .

9:57

9:53

9:50

9:50

9:48

9:46

9:45

9:42

9:40

$13.99 / $16.99 in Canada

This

boo

k is

not

end

orse

d, s

pons

ored

, affi

liate

d wi

th, o

r oth

erwi

se a

utho

rized

by R

esea

rch

In M

otio

n, L

td.

7

Text message from: Joe Biden, Vice President

BidenMyTime: hey u, whatcha doin?

BarackO: m really busy. w/ joint chiefs

BidenMyTime: need me?

BarackO: got it covered. keep working on yr pet project.

BidenMyTime: puppy?

BarackO: universl healthcare.

BidenMyTime: right can I leave at 4:45?

BarackO: don’t care.

BidenMyTime: how does MySpace work?

BarackO: not now. ask malia.

Obamas_Blackberry_0316074357_HCtextF1.indd 7Obamas_Blackberry_0316074357_HCtextF1.indd 7 5/1/09 10:59:48 AM5/1/09 10:59:48 AM

15

FROM: Arnold SchwarzeneggerTO: Barack ObamaSUBJECT: Let me go after Bin Laden alone

Dear Mr. President,

Listen to me: with a parachute, some Red Bulls and a crossbow I could capture Bin Laden in 24 hours. I could even do it naked. I will grow my hair long for this.

Really, it would be like fi ghting with a homeless man: so easy. A NURSE COULD BEAT HIM UP. What’s the problem?! Drop me in there.

Arnold


25

Text message from: Clarence Thomas, Supreme Court Justice

JustClarence: hey

BarackO: hey

JustClarence: u wanna hang out?

BarackO: no


35

FROM: John McCainTO: Barack ObamaSUBJECT: computer message from John McCain via computer

Barack,

This is Senator John McCain. (My granddaughter is typing this message 4 me).

I am sorry for some of the stuff I said about you during the campaign. My granddaughter loves you and wishes you were her grandpa. What are you typing? Stop typing! How does that thing work? Do you just type it all in there and then mail it to Barack? Come back here!


41

FROM: [email protected]: Barack ObamaSUBJECT: Your secret admirer!

You don’t know who this is, and you NEVER would think how much I like you and think you are SO CUTE, ohmigod. Guess where I am? At. The TGI FRIDAY’S!!!!. My ffavorite favorite favorite!

My phon is ringing, hang on . . . I’m back. Bill O’Reilly! Is comingg down here! Whoops. That’s a free hint! You are so great. Why are there drinks so small? Did I already write you? There’s NO goodlooking guys here. Oh I am going to boot.

XOXOXKissesSecret AdmirerI love you

K, I booted, and now I’m rallying : )


52

Text message from: Bill Clinton

WildBill: hey barack!

BarackO: hey bill whats up?

WildBill: can u send Hillary to China next week?

BarackO: ?

WildBill: i’m putting together a surprise party and need her outta house

BarackO: her birthday?

WildBill: no, i’m trying 2 surprise MYSELF

BarackO: ?

WildBill: www.SurpriseYourselfWithHowManyHot SinglesYouCanMeetFromYourZipCode.com


80

FROM: Amazon.com TO: Barack Obama SUBJECT: Your Order Has Shipped

Greetings from Amazon.com. The following books have been shipped to you:

You: Being President

What to Expect When You’re Expecting a Portuguese Water Dog

“Mr. Bojangles”: My Wacky Life in Politics by Kim Jong-il

Jay Leno’s Big Book of Mother-in-Law Jokes, Vol. III

Thank you for shopping with us.


98

Text message to: Joe Biden, Vice President

BarackO: need your help w/policy issue, Joe.

BidenMyTime: sure thing boss. shoot.

BarackO: what is feasibility of advancing disarmament talks w/other nations (i.e., beyond Russia)?

BidenMyTime: while the vast majority of states have adhered to the stipulations of the Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty, a few states have either refused to sign the treaty or have pursued nuclear weapons programs while not being members of the treaty.

BarackO: did u just cut and paste from wikipedia?

BarackO: joe?

BidenMyTime: on amtrak, goin into tunnel, gonna lose u.


124

Text message from: Barbara Boxer, Senator (D-CA)

HotBoxer: hey, watcha doin?

BarackO: writing speech

HotBoxer: u goin 2nite?

BarackO: 2 what?

HotBoxer: kegger and phish cover band ☺

BarackO: who’s goin?

HotBoxer: me, pelosi, stinky, j. kerry , muskrat and toolbox

BarackO: gotta work

HotBoxer: kucinich is bringing didgeridoo

BarackO: meh. send pics


oba m a’sK as per H aus er

ob

am

a’s

bl

ac

Kb

er

ry

Ka

sp

er

H

au

se

r

You are about to gain access to the world’s most highlY secured blackberrY.Acclaimed comedy team Kasper Hauser (SkyMaul and Weddings of the Times) has cracked the code with this irreverent and wildly imagi-native parody of our 44th president’s e-mails and text messages.

Praise for kasPer hauser’s Previous work:

“Wicked funny.” — San Francisco Chronicle

“Might be the funniest thing you read this year.” — Marketplace, Public Radio International

“Move over, National Lampoon.” — Seattle Times

YouTube Dick Cheney sent a video: Baby panda…

Bill Clinton Can you send Hillary to Syria this Friday?

Dennis Kucinich Mahalo! I am selling my 1977 VW bus

PayPal You have sent AIG $173,000,000,000

Arnold Schwarzenegger Let me go after Bin Laden alone

George W. Bush Did my dog show up at your house?

Evite Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is turning 53!

Facebook Joe Biden has poked you on Facebook

Dr. Dre Make me Surgeon General

Inbox (19)

C o v e r d e s i g n b y M a r i o J . P u l i c eC o v e r p h o t o g r a p h b y K e l l y C a m p b e l l

V i s i t o u r w e b s i t e a t w w w. H a c h e t t e B o o k G r o u p . c o mP r i n t e d i n t h e U . S . A . © 2 0 0 9 H a c h e t t e B o o k G r o u p , I n c .

l I T T l e bRown

,

9:57

9:53

9:50

9:50

9:48

9:46

9:45

9:42

9:40

$13.99 / $16.99 in Canada

tHIS

Bo

oK

IS N

ot

eNd

or

Sed

, SP

oN

Sor

ed,

or

otH

erW

ISe

AUtH

or

Ized

B

y r

IM,

Ltd

., t

He

oW

Ner

of

tHe

BLa

ckB

erry

tr

AdeM

ArK.

bl acKberry

Documents

Obamas Blackberry 0316074357 HCtextF1 - g-ecx.images ...g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/LITTLems/Obamas_Blackberr… · 15 FROM: Arnold Schwarzenegger TO: Barack Obama SUBJECT: