(Parenting) Home Alone - A Handbook for Parents and School-Age Children

8/3/2019 (Parenting) Home Alone - A Handbook for Parents and School-Age Children

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Home aloneA HANDBOOK FOR PARENTS AND SCHOOL-AGE CHILDREN


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Home-Alone Tips and Reminders

Start gradually when you first begin leaving your child

home alone. Begin with small blocks of time15 or

30 minutesso that your child can adjust to this importantchange in your family life.

Whenever possible, try to touch base often with your child.

Either have your child call you at work to tell you he

has arrived home safely, or check in by phone during one

of your breaks at work.

A cellular phone can be a godsend for parents whose

children are home alone. If at all possible, consider

getting one to keep in your car or with you at work when

you are hard to reach.

When choosing a backup or contact person to be there

for your child, try to choose someone your child knowswell and feels comfortable calling on.

Remember that children home alone do get lonely.

Be resourceful about coming up with ways to make your

child feel less alone.

Commit to coming home when you told your child youwould. Always call if youre going to be late.


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Contents

3 When is my child ready to stay home alone?Is being at home alone the only alternative?

Deciding whether your child is ready

11 Reviewing the rules about safetyTen Home-Alone Safety Tips

19 Getting startedPlanning your childs home-alone day

Daily Activity Plan

Keep Checking In

27 What to do if: preparing your child tohandle emergencies

31 Questions parents often ask aboutleaving a child home alone

33 Resources

35 Telephone chart


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All along your child has been taking small and big steps

toward independence. Going off to school, taking

the bus, riding a bike, sleeping away from home for the

first time. Being home alone is one more big step

in the journey toward independence.

How can you know when your child is ready

to take this new step? How can you help your child

stay home alone safely and confidently, so that

the arrangement feels comfortable for all of you? There

are answers to these questions in this booklet.

Perhaps you are considering leaving your child home

alone because he has outgrown going to the babysitters.

Or is resisting going to the after-care program at

school. Child care is also difficult to find for older children

When is my

child ready

to stay homealone?

3

A lot of it is

knowing your

child, knowing

what your

child is comfort-

able with. You

have to adjust

everything

to the needs

of your child.

a n i l l i n o i s

mo t h e r


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at that in between age between late childhood and

early adolescence. Its costly, too.

Many children reach an age when they want to be

left home alone a couple afternoons a week. Perhaps

your child is at that stage.Its complicated trying to balance the load of a busy

work life with the needs of a school-age child who

is starting to be more independent but has never been in

charge of caring for himself. Is a fifth grader who

wants to stay home alone two afternoons a week ready

for this responsibility? Is there a magic age when a

child graduates to the next stage of development andis ready to be home alone?

Experts agree there is no one right age for leaving a

child home alone. Every familys circumstances are different,

from parents work schedules to the ages of their

children to the kinds of neighborhood support available

to the child who might be home alone. And all

children are different. Just as every child walks at a

different age, every child matures at a different

pace. One sixth grader may be ready to handle after-

noons home aloneremembering his house key,

being responsible about homework, and feeding the

dogwhile another child of the same age may

find this to be too much responsibility. Parents are in

the best position to decide when a child is ready,

after carefully weighing both the advantages and the

risks involved in leaving children by themselves.

As you read through this booklet, you will be given

advice about how to decide if your child is ready.

You will begin by asking yourself questions about your

child, to measure his or her maturity. You will also

be given practical tips, to help prepare you and your child

for this new phase of independence. The more tips

and information you have at your fingertips and can share

with your child, the better off you all will be.

No parent can foresee all the what-ifs and unexpected

events that can come up during a childs time home

alone. For instance, does your child know what to do if

she gets locked out? Does she know how to handle a

crank call? Or what to do if she burns her finger when

youre not there? Typical what-ifs like these are

reviewed in this booklet. Over time, you can teach your

child how to handle such emergencies with calm.

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Perhaps you and your child will want to read through

parts of the booklet together, stopping along the way

to talk about the issues and situations it covers. In the

section titled What To Do If you might encourage

your child to try to answer the list of questions with you.Spending time home alone is a big and challenging

responsibility for any child, and a major milestone in

your childs journey toward independence. You will want

to evaluate how much time alone you think your child

can realistically handle. Do you anticipate her being

home without you one afternoon a week, or five?

A childs time home alone is unsupervised time, butthat doesnt mean it should be unstructured. You will

want to help your child learn to organize her time alone

so she doesnt become bored, lonely, or rely on too

much TV. You will also want to provide her with clear

guidelines and rules.

Being home alone can give a child a sense of respon-

sibility and competency. It can teach resourcefulness,

foster self-reliance, and help your child build coping

skills. Ideally, a childs time at home alone should strike

a balance between being relaxing and being productive.

Every parents challenge, once theyve chosen to

leave their child home alone, is to try to find ways to

achieve this balance.

Is being home alone the only alternative?

As you begin to think about whether your child is ready

to stay home alone, you might also want to look into

the other options available to you and your family during

the time you are at work. Perhaps your child could

attend a morning or afternoon school program those

times when you cannot be home. Unfortunately,

such programs are not available at all schools. If your

school doesnt offer before- and after-school care,

you might talk to a teacher or administrator, or an officer

of the PTO, to find out how to get such a program

going. As more parents become involved, the more

programs like these are starting to appear at schools across

the country.

On some days, maybe your child could go to a sitters, a

relatives, or neighbors house, or spend time at a friends.

Many libraries, churches, and community centers

offer after-school activities for children. And many middle

5

Im not really

sure my 8- and

10-year-old

sons are ready to

stay home

alone. What other

options are

there?

a c a l i f o r n i a

pa r en t


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schools also have afternoon programs on an elective

basis, including clubs, fun classes, and sports activities

that meet after school.

Maybe your local community center offers afternoon

classes in art or music, drama or computer, or someother subject that interests your child. A couple of after-

noons a week, your child could go to the library after

school to study and do homework. Some local libraries

offer interesting programs and homework assistance

for school-age children in the afternoon. Maybe the church

or temple in your neighborhood has afternoon activities

going on for kids after school.Libraries, churches, and community centers often run

school-vacation programs for children as well.

Deciding whether your child is ready

Just as you would never let your child jump off a diving

board until he knows how to swim, you want to

provide your child with the safest experience possible

before leaving him home alone. There is a process

behind preparing a child for this independent new phase.

You want to be sure your child is mature enough

to handle an emergency. And that he feels comfortable

being left alone. Some of these are skills that must

be practiced and developed over time.

You also want to be certain there is an adult nearby

your child can turn to for help. And that your neighbor-

hood and house or apartment are as safe as possible.

Whether you have more than one child will also

affect your decision-making. Two children home alone

may feel more secure and less lonesome than a single

child, depending on the childrens ages, temperaments,

and relationship. However, being home alone together

may not work for all brothers and sisters, especially

if sibling rivalry is a problem. Its especially important to

talk with your older child about how he or she feels

about taking care of a younger brother or sister.

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Here are some of the things to consider as you decide

whether your child is ready:

Being able to handle an emergency. This is the

single most important consideration in deciding ifyour child is ready to care for himself. Bear in mind that

good decision-making under duress, or during a crisis, is

something most young children are developmentally

unprepared to do, according to experts. Young children

simply dont have the cognitive maturity. Being able

to cope in an emergency requires know-how, self-confidence,

and a sense of calm. Does your child panic whenroutines are disrupted? If so, this is a sign she may not be

ready to handle an emergency alone. Does she know

the fundamentals of first aid? This is essential for any child

home alone.

Children can be trained through discussion and role-

playing to recognize and respond to challenging

situations. With practice and guidance they can be taught

what to do in emergency situations. Also, if there

is a trusted adult only minutes from the house to provide

back-up in an emergency, you and your child will feel

more secure.

Feeling comfortable being home alone. Yourdecision whether to leave your child home alone depends

a lot on how your child feels about the idea. Does

your child want to stay home alone? Is he comfortable

with the idea? Ask your child how he feels about this.

Ask if he is afraid about staying home alone. Talk about

why you are choosing this arrangement. And talk

about how long you plan on being gone each day. Your

child may feel fine about being alone one hour a day,

but not four. In gauging readiness, frequent discussions

with your child are important.

Having an adult nearby your child can turn tofor help. Children home alone need a contactperson, someone they can turn to for help if they need

it. Your contact person might be a block parent,

relative, friend or neighbor. You want someone who can

be easily reached by phone when you cant be and who

can rush over in an emergency to lend a hand.

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The safety of your home and neighborhood.Find out if there are ever incidents that make your child

feel unsafe in your home or your neighborhood. You

may not be able to change the neighborhood where you

live. But there are things you can do to make yourhouse or apartment safe for your child, as you will find

out later in this booklet.

As you think about the safety of your neighborhood,

you will also want to take a careful look at your

childs route home from school. Remember that its

safest and best if your child walks home with a friend

or sibling. Are there busy streets to cross? Arethere crossing guards? Remind your child never to take

short cuts home from school through deserted areas,

fields, or alleyways. And never to talk with or take rides

from strangers or neighbors you dont know well.

Measuring your childs mental and emotional

maturity. In evaluating your childs readiness tostay home alone, you will want to look carefully at hismental skills, temperament, and emotional maturity.

You might begin by answering Yes or No to the

following questions:

Y N My child is responsible with his house key and rarely

forgets it or misplaces it.

Y N My child can be counted on to follow instructions. For

instance, she always remembers to lock the door behind

her when she enters and leaves the house.

Y N When faced with a problem, my child comes up with

good solutions without me. For instance, the day she

broke a window playing basketball, she knew just what

to do.

Y N My child is good at using the telephone. He knows not

only how to dial, answer, and take messages, but how

to find a number in the phone book or by calling directory

assistance.


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Y N My child is practiced at fire drills, and knows how to

exit the house safely in case of a fire.

Y N I have seen my child stay calm in an emergency.

For example, the last time she cut her finger,instead of panicking at the sight of blood, she went

to the medicine chest, got a bandage, and put it on.

Y N My child uses good judgment. He knows, for example,

not to use sharp tools when I am not at home.

If you answered Yes to all of these questions, that is agood indicator of readiness. Your child may have

reached the stage where she has acquired many of the

basic skills she needs to manage at home alone.

However, your child will need more than just these

basic skills to insure a successful home-alone experience.

She will need to learn how to cope with occasional

feelings of loneliness, fear, and boredom. She will need

to be taught how to handle an unsupervised period

of structured time.

Finally, in making your decision, remember that some

states have laws regulating at what age a child may

be left home unsupervised. Since the statutes vary from

state to state, its wise to find out what the law is

where you live. The best place to obtain this information

is through the agency in your state responsible

for overseeing families and children. The names of these

agencies can varythe one in your state might be

called the Health and Human Services Office, the

Department of Human Services, or the Department of

Family Services.

Its also important to remember that even in states

where there is no law or regulation, if you do decide

to leave your child home alone and an accident occurs,

you as a parent could be found negligent.

Fortunately, most children who are capable and

responsible, and who are well prepared by their parents

to stay home alone, do just fine.

When you decide your child is ready to start caring

for himself, whether on an occasional afternoon or more

regularly, then its time to begin the process of slowly

starting to prepare him. You will want to go over rules

about safety, homework, friends, chores, free timeall

the details of your childs routine.

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You will want to review what to do in case of a fire.

How to handle common medical emergencies. How

to develop responsible habits about keys, locking up the

house, cooking, using the telephone, answering the

door. All the safety rules you take for granted as an adultnow need to be reviewed with your child.

Here are 10 Home-Alone Safety Tips to help guide you:

1 Find an adult nearby to be your childs backupperson. This designated adult could be a trusted friend,

neighbor or relativesomeone to take over if yourchild is in need or facing a crisis and you cant be there

right away to help. Some jobs dont allow parents

to take incoming calls, and some workers work far away

from phones. Thats why its especially important to

have a nearby backup adult for your child home alone.

2

Do a safety check of your house or apartment.You will want to check to see that all the windowand door locks are in good working order. Be sure the

smoke alarms are operating properly and that your

child knows where they are located. Replace batteries at

least annually. Store a working flashlight in a place

where your child can find it easily, and check its batter-

ies regularly.

Identify and label all dangerous substances in the house

and warn your child not to handle them. Keep poisonous

household items like bleach, drain cleaners, paint

thinners, and dry-cleaning fluid out of childrens reach.

Put away all prescription and over-the-counter drugs,

and instruct your children not to take them without your

permission or supervision.

Make sure that cigarettes, matches, and alcohol are kept

in a place where children cant get to them.

Remember that firearms are extremely dangerous,

especially in a household where children are home alone.

Guns are more of a hazard than a real protection for

families where adults are absent.Never keep a loaded gun

in the house. Always keep unloaded firearms in a locked

place out of a childs reach.

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3 Review the rules about what to do in case of afire. Be sure your child knows toget out of the houseimmediately, and not to try to put the fire out himself

unless it is very small and confined to one place,

such as a wastebasket. In your family fire drills, showyour child how to make his way to the nearest exit,

and practice where these exits are located. Be sure your

child knows to crawl along the floor to an exit if

the room is filled with heavy smoke. Remind your child

to take the stairs, and never an elevator, in the

event of a fire. If you have a pet, be sure your child knows

to exit the house immediately unless she can findit fast and easily.

Tell your child to call the fire department from a

neighbors house, not from home. Make sure your child

knows what a smoke detector sounds like when it

goes off.

4 Be sure your child understands the rules aboutlocking the door and using a key. One of themost important safety rules your child will need to

remember is to keep her key in a safe and secure place.

Does she know where your family keeps a second

key, in case she misplaces hers? Is it with a neighbor?

Hidden in the garage? Work out a plan for your

child to follow if she forgets her key and cant find theextra one. Once your child has let herself in, be

sure she knows to lock the door behind her and to put

her key back where it belongs.

Practice the routine of getting in and out of the house

several times with your child before you leave her

home alone for the first time. Is there a burglar-alarm

system or a buzzer she will need to become familiar

with? Make sure your child knows not to enter the house

if the door or window that is supposed to be locked

is open. Make sure she knows not to go in alone if she is

being followed by a stranger. She should go to a

neighbors, or your backup person, and call the police.

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5 Be sure your child knows where and how toreach you or another adult at all times.Never leave home without following this fundamental

rule. Post important phone numbers in a visible

place near the phone. Before you walk out the door,give your child detailed written instructions about

where you will be, how long you will be gone, a phone

number where you can be reached, and the number

of a nearby friend or neighbor your child can call for

help. Do this whether you are leaving for ten minutes

or for several hours. It might help to fill out the

card at the back of this booklet and leave it next to thetelephone. Your child also needs the emergency

numbers for Fire and Police and the Poison Control

Center. Remember to write this information out

clearly, in large letters, so that its easy for your child

to read.

If you are difficult to reach at work, be sure you have

made arrangements for how a message will get throughto you if your child calls and needs you.

6 Review first-aid basics with your child andmake a first-aid kit. Children can be taught to copewith some emergencies. Its important to teach

your child how to handle minor accidents and injuries.

Take time to review with your child basic first-aidprocedures such as the Heimlich maneuver for choking.

Review how to treat minor scrapes and cuts,

nosebleeds, and insect bites. You may want to post a

first-aid chart in a visible place in your home.

Put together a first-aid kit at home and show your

children where it is kept. Include the following:

a roll of adhesive tape; bandages; a pair of small scissors;

sterilized gauze pads; antibiotic cream; iodine for

minor scrapes and cuts; lotion for insect bites; a ther-

mometer. Some parents of older children feel

comfortable leaving a small bottle of aspirin or an

aspirin alternative as well.

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Consider having your child enroll in a first-aid course

offered by the American Red Cross, the Boy or Girl

Scouts, the YMCA or YWCA, or another community

group that offers such classes. The American Red

Cross has first-aid and personal safety classes for childrenas young as age 5.

Though the last thing you want to do is alarm your

child about all the things that can go wrong when

she is alone, it is wise to prepare her. Later on in this

booklet are a number of What To Do If exercises you

might practice with your child. Pretend you are

playing a game, and let her come up with the answers.

7 Be sure your child always carries enough pocketchange to make phone calls. Keep a few quarterstucked away in your childs backpack, and check

regularly to see that the coins are still there. This way,

your child can always reach you or another adult

from a pay phone.

8 Go over cooking safety. Most children need a snackor something to eat when they get home from school.

Its best to keep these snacks simple and to choose foods

that can be made without using the stove or sharp

utensils so that your child doesnt risk burning or cutting

himself while cooking. Decide if you think its safe

for your child to use the microwave oven when you are

not home. Think about labeling a shelf in the cupboard

or refrigerator where after-school snacks are stored.

Brainstorm and make a list of easy snacks your child likes

and can make, like peanut butter or spreadable

cheese on crackers, or fruit that doesnt need to be cut.

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9 Review telephone rules and safeguards. Thetelephone is your childs way to keep connected

with you, other adults, and friends when you are not at

home. Be sure your child knows how to use the

phone. Does he know how to use call waiting if youhave it? And the answering machine if you use

one? If your phone has a speed-dial option, teach your

child how it works. Program it so that your child can

contact you and other important people quickly

You will want to coach your child so he knows what

to say when he answers the phone. Your child should

never tell a caller he is home alone. Instead, your childshould say, My mom/dad/parents cant come to

the phone right now. May I take a message? If the caller

sounds strange or threatening, your child should

immediately hang up and call you or your nearby contact

person. If the caller continues to bother your child,

instruct your child to call 911 or the number for your

local police.The telephone is your childs friend, but you may

need to help him learn to observe limits about using it.

You dont want him to stay on too long, in case you

are trying to call home. Or in case he has homework to

get done.

Decide if you want to have a phone-in policy, where

your child calls you or your backup person as soonas he arrives home so you know he is safe. Many children

feel more secure if they are able to check in. You

will also need to make clear what the rules are about

your child calling you at work.


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10 Go over the rules about answering the door.There will likely be times when your child is home alone

and a stranger comes to the doora delivery person

or solicitor or a neighbor whom your child doesnt know.

Be sure your child knows never to open the door toa stranger, whether it is a man or a woman, a teenager or

an adult. Be sure your child knows never to open

the door to accept package deliveries. Your child should

never say you are not home. Rather, instruct your

child to keep the door locked and to talk through it to

the person on the other side. Your child might say,

Please leave the package. Or, Please come back later.Or, My dad cant come to the door right now.

Come back later. If the person wont go away, or is

bothering your child, he should call you, your

backup person, or the police. Try doing practice drills

with your child, pretending you are a delivery person

or stranger at the door.

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Once youve decided your child is ready to begin staying

home alone, you will want to ease into this change

gradually. Like any big step, the easiest way for your child

to get used to this one is to adjust to it slowly.

Start by leaving your child home for brief periods

15 minutes perhaps, while you run out to take the

sitter home or pick up a loaf of bread. These test runs

will get longer as your child becomes more comfortable

staying home alone. Gradually, and with practice,

many children are able to handle bigger blocks of time

home alone.

Keep up a running dialogue with your child. In the

beginning, each time you return home ask your

child, How was your time alone? What did you do?

19

Getting started

Our sixth grader

had been begging us

to leave her home

alone. Now

we finally felt she

was ready for

this responsibility.

a b o s t o n

f a t h e r


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Did you feel comfortable being alone? Listen carefully

to your childs responses. And give him a chance to admit

to any hidden fears or anxieties he may have. Maybe

hes afraid of a dark cellar stairway, a moody bus driver, or

a group of older kids who hang out at the corner ofyour street. Take these fears seriously, no matter how small

they may seem to you, and help your child find ways to

deal with them.

Check in while youre away. As you increase the

amount of time you are gone, make it a point to check in

regularly throughout the period your child is home

alone. This holds true at the beginning, as well as afteryour child has more experience being alone.

Planning your childs home-alone day

For your home-alone plan to work, you and your child

will need to set up a clear plan for how your childs

day will be spent. You want to strike a balance between

giving your child a reasonable degree of freedom

and setting limits. You will want to talk about privileges

and responsibilities, play time and work time. You

will also need to go over ground rules and expectations.

Remember that most children need a lot of help and

guidance learning to structure their free time. The more

clear and explicit you are with your child, the happier

you all will be.

Sit down and decide together what your child will be

expected to do while you are away. This is the time

to go over household responsibilities, caring for a family

pet, homework rules, and rules about watching a

younger sibling.

What will your childs privileges be? Will he be allowed

to watch TV? Use the computer and the Internet? Talk

for long stretches on the telephone?

What activities will be off-limits?

As you help your child organize and plan his time

alone, try to think about all the particulars that

are important to you and your family. For instance, do

you want your child walking the dog when you are

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not at home? Will your child be allowed to take a shower?

Some parents declare baths and showers off-limits,

for fear a child will slip and fall. Every family has different

comfort zones about what feels safe. You will have to

decide on yours.Your planning should cover everything from coping

with emergencies to learning what to do with free

time. Its important to be clear with your child about your

concerns, rules, and expectations.

Here are some of the things you will want to work on

as you prepare your child to be home alone:

Homework. Discuss with your child how she will gether homework done each day. What is the best time

of day for her to do her schoolwork? Is it right after school,

or does she first need time to relax and unwind when

she gets home? Decide if its realistic for your child to do

her homework without you. She may need your help.

Can she call you at work if she is baffled by a math problem?

Have your child choose a regular place in the

house where she will do her schoolwork. Maybe she is

most productive in the privacy of her own room.

Or perhaps she prefers to work at the kitchen or dining-

room table. Is there a desk, a comfortable chair,

and good lighting where she will work? Be sure she has

all the necessary supplies she will need, including paper,

pencils, markers, and a calculator.

A homework plan is only a success if you follow

through to see that the work is getting done.

Chores and household responsibilities. Discussany chores your child is responsible for when you

are not there. These might include feeding the dog,

emptying the dishwasher, or setting the table.

After you and your child have come to an agreement,

write out a list of the chores and responsibilities and

post it in the kitchen. This can serve as a daily reminder

as well as a checklist for your child. Decide if you

want to reward your child for meeting these household

responsibilities.

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Television. As you look at your childs homework andhousehold responsibilities, you may decide there is

time for an hour or so of TV when you are not there.

Though its difficult to limit TV viewing when

you arent there to supervise, its still important to setfirm limits with your child if this is important to

you. Go over the TV schedule and discuss which shows

are appropriate for your child to watch. Do the same

with videos. Have your child select the shows she wants

to watch, and together make up a TV schedule.

Television fills a void for children who are home alone

and can be a good companion. If you are concernedthat your child is watching too much TV, suggest she do

other things while shes watching, like drawing or

writing in her journal or sorting socks, so that its not

wasted time.

Computer/electronic games. If your family has a

computer, you may want to discuss whether ornot your child is allowed to use it when you are not

home. Does your child know how to turn the

machine on and off responsibly, and to access games and

programs? If you are connected to the Internet,

decide whether you want your child to be allowed to

access it when you are not home. Some Internet

sites are not safe for children.

Telephone. Decide if you want to set limits on howmuch time your child spends talking on the phone

with friends. Or using the phone to access the Internet.

A busy signal could prevent you from calling home

if your child is on the computer or if you dont have

call waiting.

Friends visiting. Your child may want friends to visitwhen you are not home. Decide what your rule will be

about this. Many parents do not allow their child to visit

in a house where no adult is present. Your decision

will depend upon how you feel about this, how the parents

of your childs friends feel, and your childrens ages.

Once you and your child have agreed on a home-alone

plan, put these details and instructions in writing.

Have your child do this with you. Heres an example of

what a typical weekly plan might look like:

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Activity Plan for the Week of:

I will do my homework from:

- (time of day)

These are the chores I will need to get done:

I may watch TV from:

- (time of day)

These are the TV shows I will watch:

Other special instructions (regarding use of the computer,

use of the phone, friends, instrument practice, etc.)

::

::

/ /


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Remember that even the best plans can change. Set

aside a time to review these rules and agreements

regularly, to be sure your family plan is working for all

of you. If its not, then figure out together how to

change it.Also, you will want to give your child a strategy for

what to do if the plans youve put in place on a

given day suddenly change or are called into question.

What if a friend invites your child over to play

and she cant reach you at work to ask if its okay to go?

What if she wants to stay after school to work on

a paper, or attend a band rehearsal? Should she call youfirst to check in?

Finally, remember that if you want your child to

follow through with his end of the dealto abide by the

plan youve agreed uponthen you need to follow

through, too. If youve told your child that you will call

to check in at a certain time, dont forget to do it.

And always make an effort to come home when you told

your child you would.

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Keep checking in

Youve worked hard to prepare your child for the mile-

stone of being home alone. Now you want to be

sure your home-alone routine is working for all of you.You will need to keep checking in with your child

to talk about how the plan is going. Does your child feel

comfortable and secure during her time home alone?

Is winter harder for her, when it gets dark earlier? What

can you do to make those days easier?

Remember that being home alone may not work for

all children. If your child tries it and doesnt do well,

or if he feels especially lonely, you may need to come up

with an alternative arrangement.

Remember, too, to praise your child for managing well

without you.

The best way to insure a successful home-alone

experience is to discuss any problems or concerns that

may arise and work on shared solutions with your

children.

Its a good idea to set aside an hour one day of the

week or month to talk about all these issues as a

family. Use this time not only to talk about scheduling

and other home-alone concerns, but also to plan for

times when you as a family can do something together.

Your childs experience home alone is likely to

be a successful one if she is mature, ready, and if youve

done a good job of preparing her to handle it. What

youve given your child are lessons in responsibility and

independencetools shell carry with her all her life.

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Children only become knowledgeable about handling

crises and problems by being given a chance to practice

when there is no crisis. The more you prepare your

child for the many what ifs that can come up, the more

confident your child will be about knowing what

to do should one occur. Of course no parent can possibly

anticipate every crisis. But by going through the

following exercises with your child, you will get a sense

of how he or she might handle different problems

without you.

Here are some typical what if situations to practice

with your child. As you go through the questions

and suggested solutions, try to let your child do most of

the talking. After you ask the question, let your

child give an answer. Then talk about the answer together.

27

What to do if:preparing your

child to handleemergencies

Fortunately,

she has never had

to handle an

emergency. But

I do feel my

sixth grader would

do well.

a t e x a s pa r e n t


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Though this is a pretend game, its also a real way

for you to find out more about your childs problem-

solving skills. Help your child learn to distinguish between

real emergencies, when an adult should be contacted,

and daily crises that can be safely handled withoutadult help.

Maybe youll want to make up some of your own what

ifs. In any case, try making the exercises fun.

What if: The smoke alarm goes off downstairs while youre

upstairs watching TV?

One answer:

I should go downstairs immediately, solong as there is no sign of smoke. Then I should

call my parent or backup adult who will tell me what to

do. If I do smell smoke or see any sign of fire, I

should grab my brother/sister/pet and leave the house

immediately as we practiced in our fire drills. If I

cannot find my pet easily and fast, I should leave the

house immediately without it.

What if: Your younger sibling cuts his finger? What should you do?

One answer: I should get a bandage right away.

Then I should put a clean towel or piece of paper towel

on the cut, press it firmly until the bleeding stops,

and apply the bandage. I dont need to call an adult if

the bleeding stops right away. But I should call for

help if it doesnt stop.

What if: You arrive home alone from school and find the front

door or window unlocked or open when its not sup-

posed to be. What should you do?

One answer: I shouldnt go in. Instead, I should go to

a nearby neighbor or backup adult for help.

What if: You miss the bus home from school? Whom do you call?

What should you do?

One answer: Go back into school and call mom, dad,

or my backup adult, who will tell me what to do. I

shouldnt try to walk home without permission. I shouldnt

take a ride from someone I dont know or my parents

havent told me to go with.

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What if: You burn your finger making toast? What should you do?

One answer: For a minor burn, the best thing to do

is to apply ice or very cold water to the burned area for

two or three minutes. Then carefully dry the burn

with a clean towel. If the burn still hurts, I should callan adult for help.

What if: The doorbell rings and you are afraid to answer it. What

can you do?

One answer: I dont have to answer. I can look out the

peephole to see whos there. If I dont recognize the

person and Im afraid to answer, I wont. I wont ever openthe door to a stranger. If the person at the door wont

go away, Ill call the police.

What if: Its 6:30 and mom or dad is an hour late. Youre starting

to get scared. What should you do?

One answer: Call my mom or dad at work. If I cant

reach them, call my backup adult and explain that Im

home alone and feeling scared.

What if: Your younger brother or sister swallows something that

makes him or her feel sick? Where would you call for help?

One answer: Call 911 or the Poison Control Center

right away. And I should save the container that whatever

he swallowed was in.

What if: Your little sister is playing upstairs. Suddenly you hear

her scream. You run upstairs and find shes crying

so hard she cant even talk. You find out she caught her

finger in a door and its so swollen it looks twice its

normal size. What do you do?

One answer: Swelling can be the sign of a bad bruise

or a broken bone. I should try to help her calm

down and keep her hand still while I call an adult for help.

What if: You break a window playing ball and there is shattered

glass all over the kitchen floor?

One answer: With my shoes on, sweep the broken glass

over to the side of the kitchen floor where its out of

the way. Then stay away from the broken glass. Let a parent

pick up the glass when he or she returns home.

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How do I enforce rules when Im not there to

see whats going on? Clearly, this is one of the biggest

challenges for parents in leaving a child home alone.

Say youve instructed your preteen not to invite friends

of the opposite sex over after school. How do you

know your child is following the rules? Or say youve

limited your child to an hour of TV a day. Is she

following the rule? Its a good idea to check in often

with your child by phone, so that your child has a sense

that you know whats going on even if youre not

present. Remind your child of the rules when you call.

Setting clear rules and expectations, and following

through with them, is key. Remember that building trust

is an ongoing processit doesnt happen overnight.

31

Questionsparents often ask

about leaving achild home alone

I know my son

sometimes gets

lonely being home

alone. Thats why

its important

to help him really

plan his time.

a mi n n e s o t a

mo t h e r


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Its important to show your child that you trust him.

That way hell act more trustworthy.

How do I keep my child from feeling lonely?

There are a number of things you can do to help yourchild feel less lonely. Consider getting a cat or a dog. Try

to call home frequently. See if you can cut down on

the number of hours your child spends home alone by

mixing other activities with being home alone.

My children fight, and dont really get along.

Will they be able to handle being homealone together? If you are planning on leaving morethan one child home alone, its important to talk

to your children about this arrangement. Is the older

child ready for this baby-sitting responsibility?

Does the younger child feel comfortable with the

arrangement? In terms of sibling rivalry, continual fighting

is not only non-productive, it can also be dangerous.

To manage sibling rivalry, it helps whenever possible to

give each child his own responsibilities, chores, and

activities. You may even need to separate your children,

to give them separate routines in different rooms of

the house so that they arent always together. If your

children are warring on a regular basis, you might think

seriously about another option for supervision.

What about being home alone after dark?The dark can heighten a childs fears and worries about

strangers and strange noises. This is why most experts

recommend not leaving any child home alone at night

before the age of12 . Even age 12 is too young for

many children to be left home alone at night.

How will I know our home-alone plan isworking well? If your child seems happy, and is usingher time productively, your home-alone plan is probably

running smoothly. But childrens needs change over

time, so its important to stay tuned in to how your child

is feeling. If you hear a lot of complaints about stomach

aches, or headaches, or if your child seems especially

irritable or his schoolwork drops off, you may need to take

a careful look at your plan.

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Resources

The American Red Cross provides Basic Aid Training

(BAT) for children ages 8 to 10 . The six-hour

course introduces children to safety information and

first-aid procedures for breathing difficulties, bleeding,

poisoning, burns, shock, and other emergencies.

Children learn first-aid skills to respond to emergencies

and treat common injuries. Contact the localAmerican Red Cross chapter nearest you for more

information.

Some local libraries offer afternoon programs for children

in grades 6 through 12. Contact your local library

to find out if it has a drop-in homework program, a reading

program, or some other after-school activity forschool-age children. If not, your child should still be

welcome to spend time at the library after school

quietly doing homework or reading.

Many schools offer extended-day programs and activities.

Find out if yours does.

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Use this page to write down extra instructions for your school-age child.


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Telephone chart Cut out page and post near the telephone

Fire

Doctor

Police

Poison Control

When giving directions to our house in an emergency,

include the following street names:

Emergency telephone numbers:

Neighbor/relative/ friend to call for help:

Parents telephone at work:


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Documents

(Parenting) Home Alone - A Handbook for Parents and School-Age Children