A Physrcs ofMlddle-earth

Jenny Coombs and Marc Read (delivered byMarc Read)`~

Abstract:Thispaper takes a light-heartedlook at how far one can go in applying primary world scienceto Middle-earth. Tolkien purists and physics puristsmay wish to passover this!

Keywords: foresight, genetics,palantiri, physics, sight,swords, technology

Tolkien wrote in Letter 210 that “I dislike _ . . any pull moreconfusingwhy otherraces do age and die than why thetowards ‘scientification’ . . _No analysis in any laboratory First-bom do not. Our cells gradually stop renewingwould discover chemical properties of lembas that made it themselves: the Elves’ just stay as good as new. Moresuperiorto other cakes of wheat-meal." However, he also surprisingis the total immunity ofthe elves to disease. Itwrote, in Letter 131,that his works should “leave scope for seems that one or the otherofthese factors can be inheritedother minds and hands, wielding paint and music and in those of mixed blood, who are longer-lived than theirdrama."Yes; and why not science? purely human contemporaries.Itis a debatable point whetherThere seem to be at least two ways of going about a this longevity is due toaresistance todisease oranextensionscientificanalysisof the variousfeaturesthatmakeMiddle- of the time until cell renewal begins to break down, or both.earth different from the world that we inhabit today. We can The tolerance of various races to disease is highlyattempt to explain away magic by showing how the questionable, since we don't seem to have any records ofseeminglymagical effects could, in fact, be producedby the individuals' (as opposed to entirepopulations’)fallingpreyoperationof the physical laws that we all know and love. to natural illnesses.But back to Elves.This is the approach which is favoured by my co-author.The Elven eyesight is known to be very good. Legolas can spotother way is merely toprovide new scientific laws to govem an orc-host at twelve leagues, and give fairly detailedMiddle-earth: and ifthese clash with the ones that we use, descriptions ofEomer’s éored at a distanceoffive leagues.well, so much forthe idea thatMiddle-earthand our world This is remarkable,and highly embarrassingfor Aragom,are one and the same. Perhaps there is a middle way, and this though Gimli refuses to be impressed. Resolving poweris the one that I prefer. Under this approach we can explain dependson the width ofthe apertureand the wavelengthofthose things which fitneatly with ourscience,andplead lack the light observed. A back-of-the-envelopecalculationof informationinstead of explaining the others - lack of (always the best sort) established that ifLegolas used onlyinformationeitheraboutphysics,or aboutMiddle-earth. Itis visible light, he would have been a bug-eyedmonster, to theinto this mould that this paper most easily falls. We shall extent of having eyes on stalks in order to fit in a human-discuss the worth ofthiswhole schemelater in the paper. shaped face. Rather than force all known Tolkien illustratorsWe can put some of these principles into operation by to redraw their life’s work, we concluded that Elves have

looking more closely at the information that we are given more of the high-frequency spectrum available to them.about the various races ofMiddle-earth,and this is what we Assuming resolution of half a metre at fifteen miles, and aintend to do to in this paper. Elves, dwarves, hobbits and roughly human-sized pupil, we find that their visiblemen each have their own peculiarities. Here we shall be spectrumextends to about l70nm, or 2000THz-impossiblylookingat somequirksofbiology, scienceand technologyin high energy.Maybe the tale grew in the telling, butthis doesMiddle-earth. It is true that our title claims to examine not affect our main point: that Elves could see well at leastphysics,but titlesof papers often prove deceptive. Anyway, into the ultra-violet - and this is not really so improbable.“Science is either physics or stamp-collecting,” in the words Many insects can see UV; as indeed could humansifonlyof Rutherford,and neither ofus indulges inphilately. their lenses were removed (our receptors respond to highElves are strange. Even the most cursory reading of the frequenciesbut they are blocked by our lenses). All that is

works will lead anyone to thatconclusion, especially if we requiredthereforeis for Elven lenses to transmithighenergythinkabout the Elves ofTheHobbit (which I suspectthat we electromagneticwaves. Increased resolution also requireswould rather not do). They can intermarry with men and higher-density retinal receptors - but this is a purelyproducefertile offspring, and thusthey are the same species, physiologicalpointandthereforenot significant.by definition. I rather fancy that any man attempting to Something else is remarkable about Legolas’s sighting ofinfomrElves aboutthismatterofdefinitionwouldreduce his the riders. He can see that there are 105men galloping acrosslife-expectancy dramatically. However, they have physical the plains (possibly including Eomer). It is possible that hedifferencesfrom us, the mostobvious being thatthey do not was merely countingvery quickly (and even this would be adie. However strangethis may at first appear, it is much considerable feat), but a more attractive explanationwould

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be that he has justseen thatthereare this many, as I might Dwarven ring: certainly tl1e wizard's technologicalsee directlythatthereare two or three objects in frontof me aspirations fitin with thedwarves’ racial characteristics.Inwithouthaving to count them. I find personallythat I can their heyday, the Dwarves supplied armour and weaponry toonly see twos, threes and possibly fours in this manner - the Elves. In retumthe Elves heapedabuse on their valiantlarger groupsare broken up into these and then summed.I but short comrades, whom they charmingly nick-nameddon't know if this is typical of humans generally; but it ‘Naugrim’, or ‘StuntedOnes’. But this is not the place toseems inconceivable that 105 could be grasped

“just like pursue the pro-Dwarven sentiments of Tamithom. Thethat" by any normal man. Feats such as these can be dwarves also appear to have been less isolationist than the

performed by some autistic people, which indicates that they First-bom, freely trading their technology with, say, theare not entirely alien to the human brain, though. Elves hobbits.would probably be the annoying types who know their Log The technology of the Edain didn’t regain the heights oftables by heart and could do any sort ofmental arithmetic. the Nrimenéreansuntil well after the end of the Third Age.Pure Maths seems to be the sort of field attractiveto folk One fragmentin The Lost Road even refers to flyingships inwho have at best a tenuous connection with everyday affairs, the years immediately following the Akallabéth. This leadsand we can imagine Fermat’s Last Theorem‘s having no us into the murky waters of reliabilityof sources, which weterrors fortheEldar. shall retum to before too long. Itis temptingto thinkflyingWe knowa furtherdifferencebetween Elves and Men, and ships a legend that sprang up because of the incredible

this is related to their metabolism.During the pursuitofthe achievementsof the Dtinedain, much as in later years theorc-hoardsacross Rohan, we are told ofLegolas that “in the Palantiri were transformedinto legends ofbird-likespiritswaybread of the Elves he found all the sustenancethat he bringingmessages to theKing. We mustbe careful, though,needed.” Now we shall perform the banned chemical in deciding which technologies to discard in this matter.analysis of lembas. It certainly could not have contained Flying ships we can discount, as being removed from allmuch (if any) Vitamin C, for that chemical decomposes laterversionsofthe story.rapidly. It is highly unlikely that Elves did not require this Ithas often been asked why thetechnologicallevel ofthevitamin, and so we may conclude that they synthesised their survivors of the Downfall was so low, and why whatown, like all primary-world animals save guinea-pigs, technology they did have had so many seeming lacunze. Asmonkeys and men. The others, certainly, are wom down one example, there seems to be no reference to printing. _more quickly on the chase, and we attribute a certain part of However, thisis quitea straightforwardtechnology,certainlythis to malnutrition; lack ofvitamin C, as well as leading withinthegraspofthose who made steel bows, and is one ofeventuallyto scurvy, alsocauses anaemia, since it is required those inventions which is relatively simple to develop once _forthe absorptionofironintothe body. someonehas had the initial idea. There are, we suggest, twoWe notice that the gene for beardlessness is transmitted reasons forthisphenomenon.The firstis thatthetechnology 'from Elves to Half-Elves, and is to be found in those with ofNtimenorwas artificially acceleratedby a certain Annatar,even the slightest blood relation to the eldar. Cirdan is a Lord ofGifts.Andwhat possible giftother thanknowledgebearded mutant.A highly debatabletheory is that he was could he give, given his situation? It would then hardly besportinga false beardin homagetothe Istari, or as a sign of strange to find the considerable resources ofthe race beingsolidaritywith thedwarvesoftheEred Luin. My co-authoris concentratedon weapons research.But even so, this wouldtempted to hazard that Njal, as in the Saga ofBurnt, has not explain such obvious gaps.elven blood: at least he displays the typically Elven To do this, we must consider the position of the Faithful.characteristics,of wisdom, prescience and beardlessness. They were opposed to everythingthatSauron stood for,andPossibly there were Nrimenérean descendents among the would, we suggest,have seen any advanced technologies asNorsemen; this would account for their skill in sea-faring being the works of the devil. It was unfortunate from aand also their predilection forkillinganyone who disagreed technological point ofview thatMiddle-earthwas colonisedwith them. Talk of beards naturally leads to talk of the by intolerablyproudLuddites, technophobeswho would useKhazad. In The Hobbit, they are resplendentin beards of notNrimenoreantechnologybut the sword and thebow. Thewhite, yellow and (surprisingly) blue. This is however, a surviving artefacts,such as the Palantiri, were Elven made.possibleresult of small amountsofblackpigment- we do The fear of a second Akallabéth obviously scared thenot need to assume that Dwalin was making a fashion Faithful and their descendants away from developingstatement. anything much of their own accord.Even at theend oftheWe move on to a considerationof the Dwarves. Mike Third Age, we still have the office of King's Scribe in

Percival wrote a good article in Mallorn a few years ago Gondor.about the draining ofMoria (1988,pp. 30-32),and it seems Nevertheless, the Faithful broughtwith themsome truly '

reasonable to suppose that they had access to geothermal powerful items: the Palantiri. We have here the benefit ofatechnologyat the heightoftheir civilization.I hope that I do remarkably fulldescriptionof theirpowers and operation, innot offend either engineers or Dwarves by saying that the the chapter “The Palantiri" in Unfinished Tales. The troubleDwarves were the engineers ofMiddle-earth. On a related is that they do not seem to operate by any known physicaltheme, itwas encouraging to see in The Treason oflsengard laws. However, it is indisputablethat they do operatethat Tolkien toyed with the idea of Saruman’s holding a according to some sort of strictlaws. The lesser stones, at

A Pl-IYSlCS OF MIDDLE-EARTH 325any rate, must be oriented correctly in order for them to be controlling the motionofthiscamera-space.The light takes aused; and using the stones, a “surveyor” could see things short-cut through another physical dimension. The standardmany miles away, unless the location he was scrying was analogy formed by removing one dimension may come indark. Telepathic conversations could be held between the handy here - instead of looking around the surface of aoperators of two stones; and the Osgiliath stone could sphere, we look from one point on the surface to anothereavesdrop on any of these conversations. Just to complicate through the space in the middle. Of course, this is perfectlythe matter stillfurther,thestone at Emyn Beraid looked only ridiculous. Although it is a nice picture,it would end upWestward to the stoneat Avalloné and wasnot connectedto with, in effect, faster-than-lighttravel. Admittedly, the onlythe other stones in any way. Indeed, the mentionofaStone thing travelling faster than light would be light itself, whichin the Far West is surprising: presumably communication mercifully rules out the possibility of Elven, Palantir-could have been set up between the Faithful (who had powered, jump-driven starships, but this is still enough tocontrol of the stones) and Valinor. This could explain a lot, make causality a headache foranyone. Although this is aincluding the Faithfu1’s knowledge of the plan of Ar- drawbackfrom the scientific point ofview, itmightwell bePharazén and their preparations forfleeing the Downfall. seen as a bonus from the textual point of view; after all,So how could these things operate? Given that they can see Palantiri can also see backwards and forwards in time, andthroughmountains,one might imagine that they “saw" by that really couldresult in causality migraines.meansofsomesortofradiationthatisn’t blockedeasily, like Even this pseudo-explanationdoesn’t tie in with all theneutrinos,but in that case why shouldthey reflect offthe facts that we are given about the Stones. How couldtarget? And why can’t the stonessee into dark places? That Osgiliath eavesdrop? A repeater station located insuggests some sort of visible electromagneticradiation, hyperspace? Surely such a thing is beyond the realm ofunless “dark” is being used metaphorically. This, though, possibility, unless one is E.E. ‘Doc’ Smith. And how areseems unlikely, and light isn’t noted forits tendency to go thoughts transmitted between two Palantiri in the samethrough mountains. Possibly the light is bounced off network? As Jenny sumsup the whole matterofhyperspatialsomething; but what? A satellite? It seems unlikely that communications,“Aaaaaaaaaargh!”Eiirendilis sittingtherewithamirror,even thoughhe may be The whole question offoreseeingthe future is a vexed one.describedas theFlammifer ofWestemesse. It’sat this stage The Mirrorof Galadriel shows possible futures, includingthatwe could mutter sagely,“Hmm. Insufficient data.” Even things that may not come to pass. Such an intrusion ofTen'y Pratchett'sstandard cop-out, “it’s quantum, innit?”, probability reminds us instantly of the field of Quantumdoesn’thelpus here. Mechanics. A fascinating Horizon programme on televisionIf we wish to press on in this matter, we must invoke a abouta monthago (1992) revealed that theoreticalphysicistsscientific principle which has long been the domain of are coming to accept the so-called Many Worldsauthorswishing tolend an air ofspurious verisimilitude to an interpretation, and some other serious and possibly soberotherwise bald and unconvincing narrative. Yes, folks, it's theoreticiansare startingto suggestthat time travel, ofa sort,timefor Hyperspace.Someofyou may have read an article is a possibility. The

“ofasort" is very important here and Iby a certain Marc Read in Amon Hen (1989, pp. 17-18) shall discuss itnow. The mainobjection to time travel is thatmany years ago, attemptingto explain the globing of the itwould seem to be open to theGrandfatherparadox- whatworld and the removal of the Valar as a change from a wouldhappen ifI killed my grandfatherbefore my fatherEuclidean topologyof space to a Minkowski topologyof was bom?space-time. Perhaps extra physical dimensions are the single The solution to this lies in the Many Worlds theory. This ismost useful tool in today’s science for the Pseudo-Scientist. an interpretation ofquantummechanicswhich suggeststhatWhen we read about superstringtheory requiringa number every possible quantum event actually occurs. If (as isofphysical dimensionswhich runs well into double figures, usually thecase) twoor moreevents are contradictory - theperhaps we feel that our explanations aren‘t so silly after all. wave function collapses into one state or another - then theBut the counter-intuitive nature of modem science, Universe splits.In one branchevent “A” happens, in anotherfascinating though it is, isonly a digression. Let us retum to itdoes not. In the classic thought-experiment,we may sayour hyperspatial Palantiri. that in one branch, Berrithiel's cat is killed, and the in other itThe way in which thevision of the Stone is not blocked, remains alive. For many years this was seen to be the mostand yet is restricted to the light illuminating the actual scene flagrant breach of Occam’s Razor imaginable: we’rebeing observed,goes to suggest that the scene is not being inventing untold universes just to avoid letting probability in.transmitted to the Stone by any radiation. Rather, it would Jenny pointsoutthatit is impossible tobreach a razor, but letseemthat the scene is directly observed by the Surveyor. Itis that pass. Now I have been reliably informed thatas ifthe Surveyor were actually there.Or, to put it another cosmologists, being depressed about dealing with only oneway, it is as ifthe light from the scene travelled directlyto universe,think thatthe otherMany worldshave at least asthePalantir. What betterway for this to happenthan for the muchclaim toexistenceas ours. Weird.lightto traveldown a “wormhole”, a hyperspatialtunnel,it The most interesting thought that comes with thisneed only be a tiny size. Any light entering this volume ontological nightmare is that perhaps some sort ofwould then travel directly to thestone.The various ways of communicationbetween the parallel worlds (for want of acontrollingthe palantir then translate to various ways of betterterm) is possible.Thus, ithas been argued, we could

326 J.R.R. TOLKIEN CENTENARY CONFERENCE

have the equivalent of time travel so long as we stepped Well, thatmay be because we all have an instinctive“sideways" in time, and across to a parallel world, so feeling for the inverse-square law, which govems how

keeping all time-lines unmuddled.Any science iiction author distant objects appear to dim. So, we could either questionwho tried to get away with this would probably be laughed the assumption that the Moming-Star is just a silmaril,

at, but it'sjustanotherexample ofHaldane’s law in action: without maintaining that it is a planet, or we could see what“The Universe is not only queerer than we suppose, it is would happen ifthe inverse-square law did not hold. Let’s

queerer thanwe can suppose." consider the secondcase first.Anyhow, it now seems thatwe could explainGaladriel’s The inverse-squarelaw is simply derived forthe case ofan

Mirror as being a way of looking into the various parallel isotropic light~sourceemitting at constantpower, P. The

worlds. The time difference could be explained away by brightnessas seen by an observer at a distance, r, away fromhaving worlds which developed at slightly different rates. the source depends on the power density at the location ofAfterall, there is going to be a vast numberofworlds out the observer,which is P/41rr’since the light spreads out

there. Indeed, J. Danforth Quayle’s famous quantity comes equally over the surface of a sphere. Hence the brightnessin handy here - “nearly infinite".This explanation seems falls offat law.vaguely unsatisfactorybut I am horribly afraid that it could We shall now considerthetwo-dimensionalcase.Consider

be backed up by science. Any theoretical physicists out there a light-sourceon aplane, which emits a“light-circle”instead

are invited to do the maths, and let us know the results; of a light-sphere.The brightnesspresumably depends on

perhaps by the Bicentenary conference. The question is power per unit length, instead ofpower per unit area. Thebasically,wouldsuch a device violate any physical laws? As brightness to an observer at a distance r from the source

Gell-Mann said, "Whatever is not forbiddenis compulsory.” would therefore be P/21ll'2.But this formula could be readilySuffice to say thatthis is an area ofreal interest in modem be changed ifthe light, insteadoftravelling in a plane, wereresearch,especially forscience fiction fans and rationalising to travel on some more complicated two-dimensional curve.

pseudo-scientists. Imagine, forinstance, that the light-source, the observer andWe can now look at some of the powers of the Rings. I the light are all constrained to move on the surface of athinkthatit is fairtosay that they can be seenas theproducts sphereofradius a. Then elementary geometry shows that theofthe various effects mentionedhere and in our earlier paper brightness falls off not as llr, but as the reciprocal of(Coombs & Read, 1991). The ability to locate the other a.sin(r/a). IfArda were the three-dimensionalsurface of awearers and, perhaps, know their thoughts seems closely suitable four-dimensional object, the desired function ofrelated to the functions ofthe Palantfr. Amon Hen seems to brightnessagainst distance could be obtained; that is to say,

act as a natural amplifier for the power of vision; it is one in which light sources appear much brighter when they

terrifying to think what might happen to a ring wearer on are further away. The problem is that of finding such a

Amon Lhaw. The problems ofinvisibilitywe haveimplicitly strangeobject. Jenny has devoted much thought to this,but,handled in our earlier paper,

“Valaquanta”. They also seem despiteconstructingmany three-dimensionaldiagrams out ofto amplifythe wielder’s natural ability - another idea closely paper andmutilated satsumas,has had to give up. Is therean I

' tied inwithourearlierwork. n-dimensionaltopologistin thehouse?My co-authorhas tumed her attention to two different There are other possibilities conceming Barendil. What

examples of“magic" inArda, and treated each in a different was Vingilotmade of? Afterall, we can see certain artificialway. First, theSilmarils. These are bright, but not blinding to satellites from reflected light. But what light could itreflect?look at; it is unlikely that their luminosity exceeds that ofa This raises the whole problem of the Sun, as mentioned

100W light-bulb.Yet we are told that a silmaril became the earlier. Perhaps some layer of the atmosphereacted as a

moming-star.The obvious explanation,if explanation we natural photomultiplier, solving all our problems at a single

seek, is that this is mythology, a story told by an ancient stroke. I am attached to this explanation but can think ofnopeople; in reality, of course, Earendil is Venus, the justification foritwhatsoever. Still,when has that ever got inpoisonous, sulphurous second planet. It is entertaining, the way ofagood theory? Anyway, we shall now tum to the

however, to imagine fora momentthat we are in a universe other area which Jenny has beeninvestigating.where the moming-star is a Silmaril, a few miles above the As we statedat the startofthispaper, there is anotherway

| earth. The problem then arises of how the silmaril is still ofgoing about things,which is to maintain that Middle-earthvisible, and so bright; similar problems occur with the story is our earth, and that therefore all its physical laws must be

of the Sun and Moon. In The Book ofLost Tales (Tolkien, compatible with ours. Let us pursuethis line ofthoughtfor a1983, p. 201), the Sun increases in heat and brilliance after while. Our principleweapon will be source criticism. Theitslaunching,so that, as Christopher Tolkiencomments

“the various histories and legends ofArdaexistas manydifferentreflection rises less readily that if the Sun that brilliantly documents, in a great variety of styles, and are often flatlyillumines the whole Earth was butone fruitofLaurelin then contradictory.Consider the difference, for example, in stye

| 'Valinor musthave been painfullybrightand hot in the days as well as plot,between the playful“Tale ofTimiviel” in

of the Trees”! But in Tolkien’slater writing there is no Lost Tales (Tolkien, 1984,pp.3-48),andthesombre“Lay of

mentionof any such increase in luminosity. So why do the Leithian" (Tolkien, 1985,pp. 150-308).Clearly these can be

heavenly bodies still lookbright? Or rather,why dowe feel regardedas Tolkien’ssuccessive reworks and adaptationsofthattheyoughtto lookdimmer? themyths.

I

A PHYSICS OF MIDDLE-EARTH 327Itis more rewarding, however, to consider them as equally are relatively reliable; presumably the translatedversion ofvalid in the secondary world, but as representing different the Red Book was the annotated copy ofFindegil, only twotraditions,from different ages and cultures, ofthe samefacts copies removed from the original. Bilbo could well beor legends. And, just as with primary~worldhistorical forgivenfor making up someof the excessesof There andsources, one must consider not only the material but its Back Again, but the Red Book wasdestinedto beread by theauthor:when he lived, what his culture was, how close he great and the wise. The whole question is simply one ofwas to the events he describes, how he gathered his where to draw thelines betweenmagic, legendand science.information. Many of the documentswe have are songs or This is much harder than it may sound. Clarke's Law islays; has the poet adapted his material fordramatic effect, or often cited in this context: that “any sufficiently advancedfor some other reason? To understandThe /Eneid one must technology would be indistinguishable from magic." IconsiderMaecenas, who commissionedthe work, as well as suppose that most people would accept this; theVirgil who wroteit.When discussingthe portrayal ofOres, disagreements start when someone tries to argue,onemustrememberthathistoryis written bythe victors.The fallaciously, from this to the idea that anything that isracist,misanthropictoneofThe Silmarillion betraysits Elven indistinguishablefrom magic must be advanced technology.origin; and the constant reference to the great heightofthe Logically, this is the fallacy ofaffirmingthe consequent;toheroes of the War of the Ring makes sense when we make the latter claim is to say far more than is stated byrememberthatthe Red Book was writtenby hobbits. Clarke's Law, which is unobjectionablein itself.So what is the relevance ofthisto a discussion ofscience? Itwill be useful forthe purposeofthisdiscussionto set upIt is that one need not take every statement at face-value, as two hypothetical Tolkien fans, the Scientist and the

we have already shown. Exaggeration, confusion, and Magician. I hasten to add that bothofthese are caricatures;misunderstanding all play their part in the description of we are leaving thefinal decision toyou. None ofyou will betechnological artefacts, especially when such artefacts surprised to hear that we‘re on the side oftheScientist in thisbelong to a civilization other than the narrator’s, and to a argument.Perhaps the difference betweenJenny and myselftechnologyhe does not understand.An exampleis the Elven is that she is a littleconstantin herviews whileI waver withswords, Orcrist, Glamdring, and Sting, which magically the natural indecision ofthephilosophystudent.glow in thedark toindicate theproximity ofOrcs. The Magician really can’t see the pointofapaper like this.Whereas Jenny can accept the Palantiri as products of Almost certainly,he’s notinterestedin science much in thesome far-advanced science, she baulks at luminous primary world. Even ifhe is, he doesn’t see why any of itironmongery.This seemsto be “magic” pure andsimple. She should apply to Middle-earth.The Scientistmakes him feelprefers to say that the reports that the swords glow when vaguely angry, and he feels a great temptation to jump upOres approached are untme: they are based on mmour, and down shouting, “He that breaks a thing to findoutwhatexaggeration, and superstitious belief in the omnipotence of it is has left the pathofwisdom.”He feels cheated ifMagicthe ancientElven science that produced tl1em. Rather than is explained away: something precious has been lost, in hisbeing actually self-luminous, the swords were in fact only estimation.Perhaps thereason thathe likes Tolkien so muchhighly reflective. In darksurroundings,they reflectedwhat is thathe can findinMiddle-earththe mysteries which are soavailable lightthere was, and so still seemed bright, justas elusive in today’s over-scientificage.white clothing shows up more at night.Over time this was The Scientist thinks that ifman didn’t break things fromdistortedinto the legend that the swords emitted their own time to time we’d still be sittingin caves. He’s probably gotlight, and eventually that they glowed to indicate the at least some scientific training. He really cannot understandpresence ofenemies. the irrational technophobia of the Magician. He probablyElven swords are in fact repeatedlyreferredto as “bright"; likesMiddle-earthbecause ofits innerconsistencyand logic.thoughhow far this is merely arhetorical adjective is hardto For him, the whole logic of that world breaks down ifitsay. The ancient Elven swords are also prized for their cannotbe codified and regulated somehow.strength. Both of these could be explained ifthe Noldor at The Magician cannot help but admire the passagein Keats:the height oftheircivilisationwerecapable ofmanufacturing There was an awful rainbow once inheaven:large single crystals ofmetal.This is a technologywhich we We knowherwoof, her texture;she is givenare just beginningto master.Normal metal consistsofmany In thedull catalogueofcommonthings.small grains, or crystals, of metal atoms bonded in grain Philosophywill clipan angel’swings.structures.Fractureoccursat grainboundaries;the sizeofthe The touch ofscience is forhim thekissofdeath. He drawsgrains affects the strength of the metal; techniquessuch as supportfrom Tolkien’s seeminglyanti-technologicalviews.tempering and work-hardeningdepend on this. Ifasword But the Scientist is at a loss as to what to say in reply.consisted ofmonocrystallineiron, itwould be very resistant Surely, he thinks, a rainbow is all the more beautiful forto many forms of stress. It would also, due to its uniform knowing thelaws thatgovem it,not less!The simplestobjectsurface,behighly reflective. is, to the Scientist, a source of limitlesswonder. His earNow, I would be quite happy to accept monocrystalline strains ever after the music of the spheres. What though

swords, and of course the general point about source Tolkien seems to disapprove ofhis pursuits? Tolkien seemsanalysis. In this case, though,I think that reportsofglowing to have disliked every subject apart from his own field at oneswordsarenot greatly exaggerated.The sourcesthatwe have stageor anotherin his career.

328 J.R.R. TOLKIEN CENTENARY CONFERENCEis because they have so little in common that their leading us into the murky waters of modal logic and

disagreementsarise. Ifthe_Mag1cran could only realise that counterfactuals. Maybe this is a subject for another paper,the Scientist rs not attemptingto destroythe mystery,butto one indulging my philosophical whims instead of mypush rt back even deeper to the mysteries that perplex scientific ones. But on that note I shall leave this seriousmodernscience, thenhe might be more respectful.Similarly, theme. Jenny’s answer to this whole problem is slightlythe Scientist should not dismiss the Magician out of hand. different frommine: but I just wanted to show that at leastFor heaven’s sake, this is meant as an enjoyable pastime, not we’ve thoughtaboutwhat we‘re doing.a war. And here we reach the nub of the matter. For the And now I tum with relief to a few ideas which theScientist, such analyses are fun. Jenny and I enjoyedwriting pseudo-scientificapproachto Middle-earthcould yield. As Ithis paper immensely, and we hope that you‘re finding it mentionedearlier these are some areas we thinkcould beinterestingand,perhaps,amusing. developedmuch further.I’msure that the argument as to whether or not it is in the i. An economicanalysisofMiddle-earth.This projecthas

spirit of Middle-earthto analyse things from the scientific already been startedby Mark Poles ofTaruithomin hispoint of view is one that will go on for a long time. I’m excellent and amusing "Exchange Rates in Middle-aware that this paper is rapidly beginning to sound serious, earth”.and so I must do something- people who know me often ii. An investigationofthe neuropsychologyofElves. Justsuspectthingsare deeply wrong when my Tolkienian writing how could they perform all thoseextraordinarymentalturnsserious. So I shall close this sectionwith a presentation feats?ofmy own view, whichmightoffendsome “purists”. Ifso, iii. The whole matterof telepathy. This would be veryI’m sorry; but it’s the only view I know well enough to problematic but could take comfort from the

explain. Then I shall present a few last mad ideas for future wonderfully pseudo-scientificand ramshackle way

scientific enquiries into Middle-earth. We’d be thrilled ifany parapsychology has proceeded in theprimary world.

ofthese were to stimulate any ofyou into writingsomething iv. A genetic approach to beards. Why were dwarven

similar. females bearded? What was the genetic difference

So, why do I enjoy this pseudo-scientific approach to the between the branches of hobbits? How often would

writings of J.R.R. Tolkien? Well, for me, giving a full Boromir have needed to shave?scientific account ofa seeminglymagical phenomenongives v. Whatabout mithril? Presumably a natural alloy, but ofrise to the same sort of intellectual satisfactionas finishing what? Itseems to be justabout the perfect material forthe Times crossword. The analogy is good, in that at my most purposes.I suppose that it was a pity that the

present state of knowledge I have precious little chance of Dwarves seem to have mined itall well before our agedoing either satisfactorily. It’s a challenging intellectual began.

which draws together most of the things that I’m vi. Then there’s the problem ofhow one could start with

really interestedin. Above all, it’s a great game to treat the Elves and end upwith Orcs, quite apartfrom the whole

. writings ofTolkienas iftheywerehistoricalrecords,and see matter of Orcish immortality or otherwise. Is this

what sense we can make ofthem. It’sa game which I think straightforward genetic engineering? Or perhaps a

all Tolkien fans enjoy. In the back of my mind the whole programme of what has happily been called

time is the naggingthought that “after all, they are only “dysgenics"?

works of fiction." But this doubt is pushed aside when vii Exactly what technologieswere developed by the end

discussing such themes as are dealt with in this paper. It is of the Third Age? Itwould be very useful ifsomeonequite ironic, then, that we take the opposite approach

“one could undertake the tedious task of indexing all

level down", as it were, and introduce the obvious doubts mentionsofartefacts in the books.Especially welcomeaboutbias ofthe authoronly when we analysethe corpusas would be a listing of the incredibly patchy technology

being secondary-worldhistory. No wondercritics ofTolkien of theShire.Need we take seriously hobbit umbrellas?

get confused! And surely only an advanced civilisation could be“But it’s only fantasy!” Well, yes, it is fantastic; but decent enough to produce waistcoats. Next we’ll be

Middle-earth is the result of a genuinely sub-creative hearing of hobbits in bow-ties. Whatever is Middle-

process. It’smy belief that any conceivable world which earth coming to?

isn’t going to break apart under the stress of intemal And on thathappynotewe shall draw this shortpaperto a

contradictionswill have to have certain properties found in close. We both hope thatsome ofyou will have understoodthe primary world: for example, it musthave causality ofa what we’ve been saying, and, more importantly,the reasons

sort. There is at least a good case for saying that the most why we say it.fundamental laws ofphysics must hold as well. But this is

References

Coombs, Jennifer and Read, Marc. 1991.“ValaquantazOfthe Energy oftheValar" in Mallorn No. 28, pp. 29-35.

Percival, Michael. 1988.“The Draining ofMoria" inMallornNo.25, pp. 30-32.

A PHYSICS OF MIDDLE-EARTH 329Read, Marc. 1989. “The Einstein Cormection or Cosmological implications ofthe Akallabéth" in Amon Hen No. 99, pp. 17-18.September1989.

Tolkien, J.R.R. 1981.Letters ofJR.R. Tolkien.Ed. HumphreyCarpenterwith ChristopherTolkien. London:George Allen & Unwin.Tolkien, J .R.R. 1983.The Book ofLost TalesPart I.Ed. ChristopherTolkien. London: GeorgeAllen & Unwin.

Tolkien, J.R.R. 1984.The Book ofLostTales Part II_Ed. ChristopherTolkien. London:George Allen & Unwin.Tolkien, J.R.R. 1985.The Lays ofBeleriand. Ed. ChristopherTolkien. London: GeorgeAllen & Unwin.