Polishing the Paper: Editing for Sentence and Paragraph

CohesionA Graduate Student Success Workshop

Coherence represents the work as a whole◦ Focus

Is the purpose clear and the audience recognized?

◦ Main idea Is the main idea referred to or supported in

each paragraph?◦ Pattern of organization

Can the reader anticipate what will come next? Cohesion looks at the flow as ideas

progress

Coherence Versus Cohesion

Paragraph level◦ Standard structure◦ Transitions

Sentence level◦ Independent versus dependent◦ Old information versus new information◦ Passive versus active◦ Pronoun use

Cohesion: Two Levels

How do the ideas flow?◦ Logic

Topic sentence—are the ideas all related to this one? Is this one explained sufficiently via the sources?

◦ Sources Is it relevant to the point you’re trying to make? Is it explained sufficiently—clearly related back to

the point of the paragraph!!! Does the source undermine the objectivity of your

paper?

Paragraph Structure

Assess the use of topic sentences and support in this first draft.

What should the author do to fix the flow of ideas?

What should be added and where to shore up the argument?

Paragraph Practice

Porter (1992) offers a particularly neat solution to some of the complexities—that of the forum. A forum is a “concrete, local manifestation of the operation of a discourse community” (1992, p. 107). For Porter these fora can range from being a defined place of assembly, to being an occupational location, and on to being a vehicle for wider discourse community connection (cf. Kilingsworth and Gilbertson, 1992), such as a conference and a journal. He then suggested that it is these forumlike discourse community “traces” (p. 108) that provide convenient points of entry for study and research (see also Schryer, 1994, and Berkenkotter and Huckin, 1995).

From Swales, J. M., & Feak, C. B. (2008). English in today’s research world: A writing guide. Ann Arbor: Michigan University Press. P.156

Analysis and Evaluation

Transitions show a shift of ideas, often demonstrating a relationship. ◦ Coordinating conjunctions

Shouldn’t usually begin a sentence Show equal ideas, usually in the same sentence

◦ Adverbial conjunctions Can begin a sentence, and can follow a subject Often link one idea to a previous sentence

◦ Subordinating conjunctions Proper punctuation required to ensure clarity Make an idea of lesser importance in relation to the

topic

Paragraph Management

Although soul and hip-hop both spring from African-American roots, they are very different musical expressions. Soul music borrows from gospel and rhythm and blues. The singer’s voice, backed up by live instruments, soars with emotion, with soul. This music captures the optimism of its time—the civil rights movement of the 1960s and the hope for social change. There are two types of soul—the smooth Detroit style . . . and the more gritty, gospel-driven Memphis style. . . . Soul music is upbeat and often joyful; its subjects are love and affirmation of the human condition. On the other hand, hip-hop (or rap) draws on hard rock, funk, and techno. The rapper chants rhymes against a driving instrument background that may be prerecorded. Rap grew out of the New York ghettos in the late 1970s and the 1980s, when crack and guns flooded the “hood” and many dreams seemed broken. Of the rival East and West Coast rappers, New Yorkers include Grandmaster Flash . . . While Los Angeles rappers include Ice Cube. . . . The subjects of hip-hop are racism, crime, and poverty. Both soul and hip-hop claim to “tell it like it is.” ◦ Maurice Bosco (Student) (Fawcett and Sandberg 119)

Examples--

Although soul and hip-hop both spring from African-American roots, they are very different musical expressions. Soul music borrows from gospel and rhythm and blues, whereas hip-hop (or rap) draws on hard rock, funk, and techno. The soul singer’s voice, backed up by live instruments, soars with emotion, with soul; however, the rapper chants rhymes against a driving instrument background that may be prerecorded. Soul music captures the optimism of its time—the civil rights movement of the 1960s and the hope for social change. On the other hand, hip-hop grew out of the New York ghettos in the late 1970s and the 1980s, when crack and guns flooded the “hood” and many dreams seemed broken. There are two types of soul—the smooth Detroit style . . . and the more gritty, gospel-driven Memphis style. . . . Of the rival East and West Coast rappers, New Yorkers include Grandmaster Flash . . . while Los Angeles rappers include Ice Cube. . . .Whereas soul music’s subjects are love and affirmation of the human condition, the subjects of hip-hop are racism, crime, and poverty. Both soul and hip-hop claim to “tell it like it is.” ◦ Maurice Bosco (Student) (Fawcett and Sandberg 120)

Is it longer than 3 lines? Is the INDEPENDENT idea the most important?

◦ The clause that can stand on its own should be the focus. If you take out the dependent clauses, the paragraph should still show the thread of the topic.

Is the NEW information of the previous sentence the OLD information of this one?

Does the passive voice add or detract from the flow? Is appropriate to your discipline?

Look at the pronoun: what is the noun closest in space that has the same number?

Sentence Solutions

Look at the two passages on your handout, from a wonderful presentation offered at Duke University. Which has better flow?

How could paragraph 2 on your handout be re-worked in order to create old info/new info flow?

Which passage is cohesive?

Periods: two spaces (APA) Commas:

◦ After subordinate clauses the BEGIN a sentence◦ Around non-identifying adjective clauses◦ After adverbial phrases that BEGIN a sentence◦ Around adverbial phrases IN a sentence◦ Before coordinating conjunctions—in lists as well (APA)◦ Others?

Semi-colons:◦ Sparingly! ◦ To connect two seemingly unconnected ideas◦ Before adverbial conjunctions

Mechanics:

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