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Race & Adoptiona comfortable conversation
Race & Adoptiona comfortable conversation
Judy StiggerJudy Stigger, LCSW, [email protected]@cradle.org
www.AdoptionLearningPartners.org
“I think my mother and father never saw us as different from themselves or others in our community. I think they thought if they loved us enough, other people wouldn’t see the difference either.”
White Privilege
Once They Hear My Name Lee, Lammert, Hess
A.J. (Amy Jo) Thomassensocial worker in St. Louis, MO
Alex Haley
“In all of us there is a hunger, marrow deep, to know our heritage, to know who we are and where we have come from. Without this enriching knowledge, there is a hollow yearning; no matter what our attainments in life, there is the most disquieting loneliness.”
Alex Haley, “Roots”
What we know about race & identity
Ages & stages
Challenges & advice Birth family Who’s in my tribe Multiracial families Evening news
Resources
AgendaAgenda
Black/African American
White/Caucasian
Hispanic/Latino
Asian
Other
Adopted
What We Know About Race
What We Know About Race
White / European Asian Hispanic / Latino Other? Black / African American
Adopted
Informational/Educational
Privacy Guarding
Humorous
Goal: to EQUIP and PROTECT
Responses
Kid useable responses Aiming the spotlight
If a child is asking:
Is your answer kid-friendly?
Other Considerations
Overt Prejudice Random Vicarious
Absent/Irrelevant Curiosity of
others Care
How We Learn
Lasts a Lifetime
Greatest sources of discrimination for whites were around adoption (not race) Extended Family (40%) Childhood Friends (28%) Childhood friend’s parents (24%)
Greatest sources of discrimination for kids of color were around race/ethnicity Stranger (80%) Classmates (75%) Childhood Friends (48%)
Sources of Discrimination
Importance of Adoptive Identity at Different Life Stages
Importance of Racial/Ethnic Identity at Different Life Stages
0
10
20
30
40
50
60
70
80
Not at all or Not very Much A little up to Very Much
As a Child
As an Adult
Community Characteristics (Diversity)
Level of community diversity experienced by TR adoptees as children, and where they chose to live as adults
0 20 40 60 80
RaceAdoption
Extremely or VeryComfortable
Somewhat Comfortable
SomewhatUncomfortable
Extremely or VeryUncomfortable
Comfort with Identity
3 – 6 years old
Issues: • How things work • Belonging• Same & Different
Facts: • What does my mom look like?• Why didn’t she keep me?
Feelings:• Curiosity: Want to know about self• Pain: Want to be just like mommy or daddy
Just like Mommy / Daddy
School Projects / Triggers
• Draw yourself
• Draw your family
• Bring a baby picture
• Stories about new siblings
One of these is not like the other
How Diverse is Child’s School?
Student body Teachers Holidays & Celebrations Images on walls & in
books Presentation of subject
matter
Carmen: People Like Me
Stigger_Knowing_Why_I_was_Given_Up_for_Adoption.mp4 - Shortcut.lnk
Windows & Mirrors
“Grandma Loves Me~”
Coherent Narrative Young Child
Once Upon a Time AVI - Shortcut.lnk
Questions
• What does my birth mom look like?• Why didn’t she keep me?• (Why didn’t she stop using drugs so she could keep
me?)• Why did you adopt me?• Where’s my birth dad?• Are my (siblings) okay? Do you know where they
are?• Am I going to grow up like my birth parents or my
foster/adoptive parents?• Why didn’t you send money so she could keep me?
7 – 10 years old Issues:
• Envision others beyond self• Play by rules
Facts: • Why didn’t she keep me?• What about my birth dad? • With what race do parents associate &
associate me?
Feelings:• Value Development: Adoptive vs. Birth Parents • Anger: I was not valued by BP
School Projects Triggers
National History Family Tree How family came to America Ethnic festival Drug awareness education Emerging learning issues
Proactive vs Blindsided
Guilt versus Shame29
Becky Carter, LCPC
FAIR FamiliesFairfamilies.org
Ethnic Fest
No one who looks like me is worth my parents’ friendship
Nobody who looks like meis worth my parents’ friendship
Multiracial Identity for everyone
11 – 14 years old
Issues: • Ethics • Nature vs. Nurture• Race/ethnicity as identity
Facts: • Was she correct to place me?• How am I like my B parent vs. my A parent
Feelings:• Observe & Compare: Who am I like?• Fear: What will I become? What groups will I fit in with?
School Projects / Triggers
• Family Tree• Career Day• Sex Education • Biology• World History • Accommodations
Whose my Tribe?
Racial identity Adoption identity Gender identity
Common interests Common abilities Shared resources Shared values
Identity: “Real Family”
Biological
Emotional Legal
Birthfamily: first person ethnicity
Society’s Labels vs Self-Identity
Black is Beautiful
White is Wonderful
I am Both
Multiracial for Generations to Come
How do we address “Ferguson”
Meet the New DCFS Training Requirements!
Treating and styling a child’s hair properly boosts not only a parent’s self esteem, but also a child’s. Learn basic techniques and styles from an expert stylist. How-to videos are easy to follow and offer great advice for all hair types. Skin care tips are also included.
www.AdoptionLearningPartners.org
Spring 2015 Parenting Webinar Register Now at www.adoptionlearningpartners.org
Identity in Adoption: Mirrors and WindowsHave you ever wondered just how much nature vs. nurture will play a role in your adopted child’s identity formation? How will they balance these influences as they pull together their own understanding of who they are?
What can you do to help them?
Join moderator Leah Bloom, LMFT, as she leads our panel through a discussion about the intricacies of identity formation within an adopted individual.
Live WebinarThursday, May 7th, 20157:00pm CentralQ&A: 8:00pm
Questions and Answers
