Raising Children Digital Age

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    RaisingChildrenintheDigitalAge:

    TheInternet,CellPhones,andSafe

    Parenting

    Summary

    Kidscanbeawfullyhardtokeepupwiththesedays,astechnologythatseemstogrowfaster

    andfastergetsmarketedtochildrenwhoareyoungerandyounger. TaketheInternetfor

    examplealthoughtherearelotsofwebsitesdesignedforchildrenthatarefun,educational,

    andinteractive,therearealsomoreandmorecommunicationtoolssuchasinstantmessaging

    (IMing),chatrooms,andsocialnetworkingthatmakeiteasyforkidstocomeincontactwith

    unsuitablematerialorworse,totalktostrangerswhocouldbesexualpredators.

    Cellphones

    can

    seem

    just

    as

    hard

    to

    keep

    up

    with.

    Today,

    they

    are

    more

    than

    just

    portable

    phonelinesthatallowkidstocallforarideafterschoolordial911inanemergency;manynew

    phoneshavestandardgadgetsliketextmessaging,cameras,andInternetcapabilitiesthatmake

    iteasierforkidstogetintotroublebyusingtheminappropriately. Whatsaparenttodo?

    Althoughtheoldsayingmaysoundclich,itstrue:knowledgeispower. Inanincreasingly

    digitalworld,itsnotpossible(orevendesirable)toshieldkidsfromthepotentialdangersofthe

    Internetandcellphonesforever. Whatyoucandoiseducateyourselfabouthowthesenew

    technologieswork,andthenuseyourknowledgetoteachchildrenhowtousetheminaway

    thatishealthy,educational,andageappropriate.

    Equallyimportantisusingyourunderstandingofyourchildrensneedsandmaturitylevelsto

    tailorlimitsandguidelinesjustforthem. Inthefollowingpages,youllfindinfoonthelatest

    digitalfadsandtechnology,tipsforeducating,monitoring,andrestrictingkids,andwarning

    signstowatchoutforwhenthingsgowrongeverythingyouneednotonlytokeepup,butto

    stayonestepaheadinthewirelessworld.

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    TheWorstCaseScenario:SexualPredatorsOnline

    TheInternetisavaluablelearningtoolforchildrenofallages. However,itisalsoavenuefor

    informationthatmaybeinappropriateforchildren,suchaspornographyandviolentmaterial,

    andforcontactwithstrangers. A2007surveyrevealedthat32%ofallteenagerswhousethe

    Internethave

    been

    contacted

    by

    someone

    whom

    they

    do

    not

    know

    (and

    who

    has

    no

    connection

    withthemthroughfriends,family,etc.);7%ofonlineteenshavebeenmadetofeel

    uncomfortableorfrightenedbecauseoftheircontactwiththesestrangers.1 Anearliersurvey

    showedthat13%childrenaged1017hadreceivedunwantedsexualsolicitationsonline. The

    goodnewsisthatthisnumberhasfallenfrom19%in2000,2whichsuggeststhateffortsby

    parents,teachers,andotherofficialstoprotectchildrenhavebeensuccessful.

    Themostvulnerableagegrouptoonlinesexualpredatorsisyoungteens,whoareoldenoughto

    longforindependencefromtheirparentsandteachers,butinexperiencedenoughtobe

    possiblybemanipulated. Studieshaveshownthatgirlsaremorelikelythanboystobe

    contactedbyastranger(39%ofgirlscomparedto24%ofboys). Teenswhousesocial

    networkingwebsitesand/orpostpicturesofthemselvesonlinearemorethantwotimesas

    likelytobecontacted.3 Teenswhodontusesocialnetworkingsitesorpostpicturesof

    themselvesareusuallycontactedbystrangersinchatroomsorthroughinstantmessaging

    programsoremail.

    ProtectingYourChild

    Sexualpredatorsonlinearearealthreattochildreninoursociety,buttheopportunitythatthe

    Internetprovideschildrentolearnabouttopicsthatinterestthemandtobuildresearchskillsfar

    outweighthisdanger. Toprotectchildrenfromthethreatofonlinesexualpredators,parents

    andteachersshouldconsiderthefollowing:

    Speakwithchildrenaboutthedangersoftalkingtostrangersonline. Remindthemnevertogiveoutpersonalinformationliketheirname,homeandemailaddresses,or

    phonenumber,justastheywouldnevertellthesethingstostrangerstheymeetface

    toface. Warnthemnevertomeetwithsomeonetheyhavemetonlinewithout

    permission.

    EncouragechildrentobeopenaboutwhattheydoontheInternet. Talkwiththemaboutsitestheyvisitandfriendstheychatwith,justasyouwouldtalkaboutsubjects

    andfriends

    at

    school.

    Monitorchildrenpersonallybykeepingcomputersinafamilyroomandrestrictingtheamountoftimetheymayspendonline.

    Investinmonitoring,restricting,orblockingtechnology. MonitoringtoolsletparentsknowwhattheirchildrendoontheInternetbyprovidingtheaddressesofwebsites

    visited. Restrictingtoolskeeppersonalinformationfromleavingyourcomputer.

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    Blockingorfilteringtoolsscreeninappropriatewebsitesandcontentfromenteringyour

    computer.

    Emphasizethegoodaswellasthebad. ItsimportantthatchildrenknowwhattolookoutforontheInternet,buttoomuchmonitoringcanlimitkidsabilitytoexploreor

    encouragethemtoseeklessrestrictedopportunitiestogoonline,suchasatschoolora

    publiclibrary. Makesuretopointoutespeciallyusefulorinterestingwebsites,and

    showchildrenhowtousesearchenginesresponsibly.4

    SocialNetworkingWebsites:WhatAreThey,andAreTheyDangerous?

    SocialnetworkingonlineisthelatestInternetcraze,especiallyamongteensandcollege

    students. SomeofthemostpopularsitesareMySpace,Facebook,andFriendster. Networking

    websitesallowuserstocreatetheirownwebpageswithpersonalinformationsuchastheir

    name,address,school,andfavoriteTVshowsandmusic. Userscanalsouploadpicturesand

    videos,

    write

    journal

    entries

    (or

    Weblogs

    a.k.a.

    Blogs),

    and

    create

    links

    to

    outside

    content.

    What

    makesnetworkingwebsitessoappealingisthatuserscanalsosearchthemtofindfriendsfrom

    schoolandmeetnewpeoplewithsimilarinterests. Althoughtherearemanyadvantagesto

    usingsocialnetworkingsites,parentsandchildrenshouldbeawarethattheyprovide

    opportunitiesforsexualpredatorsandotherunsavoryindividualstocontactchildren.

    WhatHasBeenDonetoMakeSocialNetworkingWebsitesSafer?

    InMay2007,MySpaceannouncedthatitwouldbegincomparingitsuserlisttoMegansLaw

    registrieslistsofconvictedsexoffendersinordertopurgethewebsiteofpotentialsexual

    predators.Since

    then,

    MySpace

    has

    said

    that

    it

    has

    found

    and

    removed

    a

    few

    thousand

    offenders,andthatitplanstodevoteonethirdofitssizeablestafftomonitoringthesites

    safety.5 However,thesitespolicydoesnotpreventsexpredatorsfromregisteringunderafalse

    name,andanunofficialsurveyofformersexoffenderswithMySpaceprofilesrevealedthat

    manywerestillactiveonthewebsite.6

    AnotheractiontoprotectchildrenfromsexpredatorsonsocialnetworksistheDeletingOnline

    PredatorsAct(DOPA),passedbyCongressin2006. Thisnewlawrequiresschoolsandpublic

    librariestopreventchildrenfromaccessingsocialnetworkingwebsitesontheircomputers.

    AlthoughDOPAwasdesignedtomakeparentalsupervisionofkidsonlineactivitieseasier,

    childrenstillneedtobetaughthowtousesocialnetworkingsitesinasafeway.7

    SecuringSocialNetworksOnline:MakeFriendstheSafeWay

    Socialnetworkingisnotabadwayforchildrentospendtheirtimeonline,butitisimportantfor

    themtolearnhowtodosowithoutputtingthemselvesatrisk. Allofthegeneralguidelinesfor

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    avoidingsexualpredatorsonline(listedabove)stillapply,butherearesomesuggestionsfor

    usingsocialnetworkingwebsitessafely:

    Followthewebsitesagelimit. MySpacedoesnotallowusersundertheageof14,andothersocialnetworkingsiteshavesimilarrulesorrecommendations. However,itisup

    toparentstomakesurethatkidsfollowtheserules.

    Makesurethatthewebsitesprivacysettingsareonhigh. Mostnetworkingsiteshavesettingsthatonlyallowuserswhohavebeenexplicitlydesignatedasfriendstoseean

    individualsfullpersonalinformation.

    Teachchildrentobecarefulaboutrevealingpersonalinformationontheirwebpages.Identifyinginformationthatmightseemharmlesscaninclude:childrensfullnamesand

    thoseoftheirfriends;picturesthatcontainlicenseplates,streetsigns,orclothingwitha

    schoolname;andgroupsthatareidentifiedwithchildrensschooland/ortown.

    Cautionchildrenagainstbaringtheirsoulsonline. Ejournals(onnetworkingsitesandjournalspecificsiteslikeLiveJournal.com)canhelpteenslearntoexpressthemselves

    creatively,but

    sex

    predators

    can

    use

    these

    records

    to

    find

    and

    lure

    vulnerable

    children.

    DangerousTalk:Email,IMs,andChatRooms

    Email,instantmessages(IMs)andchatroomswaystocommunicatewithotherindividualsor

    groupsofpeoplemoreorlessinstantlyhavebeenaroundsincetheInternetwascreated. The

    attractionoftheseprograms,especiallytokids,isobvious:theyprovideawaytoconnectwith

    friendsoutsideofschool,andtomeetnewpeoplewithsimilarinterests. Buttalkingonlineis

    alsooneofthebestandmostdangerouswaysforchildrentocomeintocontactwithsexual

    predators. Onenewstudy,conductedbytheAmericanAcademyofPediatrics,showedthat15%

    ofchildren

    ages

    10

    15

    (ages

    typically

    prohibited

    from

    using

    social

    networking

    websites

    like

    MySpaceandFacebook)havereceivedunwantedsolicitationsforsexonline,mostlythrough

    chatroomsandIMs.8

    KnowingandReducingtheRisks

    BecauseIMsandchatroomsallowpeopletocommunicatedirectly,asiftheywerehavinga

    conversation,theyallowpredatorstogainchildrenstrustbytalkingabouttheirinterests,goals,

    andemotions. Predatorsactcaringandsympathetictotheirtargetstroubles,andmaytryto

    manipulatelonelyorrebelliousteensbytakingtheirsideagainstotherkids,parents,and

    teachers. Childrenmostvulnerabletothiskindofmanipulationareusuallyintheirearlyteens,

    andtheymaybeturningtothewebforattentionandcamaraderie,answersregardingsexual

    confusion,ortoexplorenewsubculturespreviouslyforbiddenordiscouragedbytheirparents.

    Parentscanreducetherisktotheirchildrenbyfollowingthesuggestionsabove,andconsidering

    thesechatroomspecificguidelines:

    Helpchildrenchooseonlinescreennamesthatdontprovidecluestotheirgender,identity,orlocation.

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    Dontletyoungerkidsusechatrooms. Whenchildrenareoldenoughtostartchattingonline,seekoutroomswithappropriatetopicsandmonitoring.

    Beawareofwhichchatroomsyourchildrenuseandvisitthemyourselftomakesurethatyouarecomfortablewiththetopicsbeingdiscussedandtheotheruserswhoare

    there.

    TeachchildrenchatroomandIMsafetyskills:theyshouldneverrespondtoastrangersIMsoremails,andtheyshouldalwaysgetpermissionfromaparentbeforeagreeingto

    meetwithsomeonetheymetonline. Theyshouldalsolearnnevertoleaveapublicchat

    roomtoIMprivatelywithsomeonetheydontknowthisishowpredatorslure

    childrenintoestablishingmoreintimatebonds.9

    RecognizingTargetedChildren

    Despiteparentsbestefforts,childrenmaystillbecontactedbyasexualpredatorandstartto

    fall

    under

    the

    criminals

    spell.

    If

    this

    happens,

    try

    to

    remain

    calm,

    and

    talk

    things

    over

    with

    your

    child:contactwithalikelypredatorisnotyourchildsfault,andyellingandscreamingmayonly

    makethemlesslikelytotrustyou. Ifyourecognizesomeofthesignsbelow,youmaywantto

    considercallingthelocalpolice.

    Yourchildgetsphonecallsfromsomeoneyoudontknow,ormakeslotsofcallstonumbersyoudontrecognize. Thiscouldbeasignthatthechildsrelationshipwitha

    predatorisbecomingmoreintimate.

    Yourchildreceivesmailorpackagesfromsomeoneyoudontknow. Sometimespredatorswilltrytoingratiatethemselveswithchildrenbysendingthemlettersand

    giftsinthemail.

    Yourchilddownloadspornontothecomputer. Predatorssometimestrytomakechildrencomfortablewithexplicitsexualactivitiesbysendingthemphotosorvideos

    online.

    Yourchildbecomesstandoffishorreservedanddepressedafterspeakingwiththeunknownacquaintance. Predatorsmaytrytogetclosertochildrenbymakingproblems

    athomeorschoolseemmoreseriousthantheyare.

    Yourchildbecomesmoresecretiveabouthisorheronlineactivities,creatingtheirownemailorIMaccounts,spendinglotsoftimeonlineatlibrariesoratschool,andhiding

    theirconversationsfromonlookersathome.10

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    Conclusion:

    Nothingcanreplacethetimeparentsspendwiththeirchildren. Monitoringandblocking

    softwarearegreattools,buttheyreevenmoreeffectivewhenparentstaketimetoexplainto

    theirchildrenwhythesetoolsareimportantandhowkidscanprotectthemselvesonline.

    Similarly,its

    important

    for

    parents

    to

    communicate

    with

    children

    about

    their

    online

    habits

    and

    friends,inordertomakesurethatkidsareusingtheInternetinahealthy,ageappropriate

    manner,andtobeabletorecognizewarningsignsiftheyoccur. Childrenwhounderstandthe

    potentialdangersofthewebandwhoknowthattheirparentsareawareoftheironline

    activitiesaremuchlesslikelytofallpreytosexpredatorsonline.

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    CellPhones:HowSafeAreCellPhonesFor

    ChildrenandHowCanParentsMakeThem

    Safer?

    CellphoneuseisagrowingtrendintheUSandabroad,especiallyfor

    youngpeople. Onereportestimatesthatnearly50%ofAmericanchildren

    undertheageof15owntheirowncellphones. Whilekidscellphoneshavesomeclear

    benefitstheycanmakeiteasierforkidstocommunicatewithparents,forexample,andare

    goodtohaveincaseofanemergencytheyarealsosophisticatedpiecesoftechnologythat

    requireresponsibleuseandcare. Buyingyourchildacellphoneisaninvestmentthatshouldbe

    consideredcarefully.11

    RisksInvolvedwithChildCellPhoneUse

    Cellphonesareausefulcommunicationtool,especiallyforbusyparentsandchildren. However,

    thefollowingrisksshouldbetakenintoconsiderationbeforehandingacellphoneovertoyour

    child:

    Privacy. Cellphones,especiallynewermodelswithInternetaccess,providechildrenwithanoutletintothewideworldofunwantedcallersandtextmessages,

    advertisements,andinappropriatecontent.

    Bullying. Mostnewcellphonescomewithavarietyofneatgadgets,likecameras,Internetaccess,andtextmessagingability. Butallofthesetoolscanbeusedby

    childrentobullytheirpeersbyuploadingembarrassingpicturestothewebfor

    instance,or

    by

    sending

    harassing

    text

    messages.

    NonstopSocializing. Havingacellphonewillnotonlyallowyourchildtocallyouwhenheorsheneedsaride,itwillgivethemtheopportunitytochatwithafrienduntilyou

    getthere. Becausecellphonesaremeanttobemobile,theycanmakekeepingtrackof

    andcontrollingachildsinteractionwithhisorherpeersnearlyimpossible.

    BigBills. ItcanbedifficultforchildrentokeeptrackofhowlongtheystayonthephoneorInternet,andhowmanytextmessagestheysend. Almostinvariably,thiscanresultin

    astronomicallyhighcellphonebillsattheendofthemonth.

    Health. Thejuryisstilloutontheriskcellphonesposetotheirusersbrainfunction.Perennial

    concerns

    include

    the

    risk

    of

    brain

    damage

    and/or

    cancer

    from

    cell

    phone

    radiation,andtheriskofhearinglossfromhighvolumespeakers.

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    GuidelinesforChildCellPhoneUse

    Despitetherisksassociatedwithchildcellphoneuse,itmayseeminevitablethatchildrenown

    theirowncellphones,especiallyastheygrowolder. Herearesomeguidelinesforteaching

    childrenpropercellphoneuse:

    Knowthephoneyourself. Aswithmanynewtechnologies,itsnotuncommonforchildrentoknowmoreaboutcellphonesandhowtousethemthantheirparents. This

    knowledgecanbeasourceofcellphoneabuseifparentsarenotvigilant;childrencan

    capitalizeontheirparentsignorancetousetheirphonesinappropriately. Itsagood

    ideaforparentstofamiliarizethemselveswithhowaparticularcellphoneworks(such

    ashowtocheckthecontactlist,sentandreceivedcallsandmessages,ringtones,

    games,etc.),andhowtoreadtextmessagelingobeforegivingtheirchildrenaccesstoa

    phone.12

    Monitorthecellphonebillcarefully. Onewaytoheadofftheproblemofescalatingcell

    phone

    bills

    is

    to

    use

    a

    pre

    paid

    plan

    that

    only

    allows

    for

    a

    certain

    number

    of

    minutes

    and/ortextmessagespermonth. However,itisstillimportanttocheckchildrenscell

    phonebillswhichshouldhaveanitemizedlistofcalls,messages,andInternetuse

    monthlytomakesurethattheyarentgoingoverthelimit.

    Teachchildrencellphoneetiquette. Thisisespeciallyimportantforchildrenwhoseschoolshavestrictrulesregardingcellphoneuseinclassrooms,hallways,and

    bathrooms. Itsagoodideatoknowwhatrelevantschoolrulesare,andthatyourchild

    understandsthem. Childrenshouldalsolearnnottousecellphonesinpublicplaces

    suchasrestaurantsandmovietheaters.

    Talkwithchildrenabouthouserules. Ifyouplantorestrictyourchildscellphoneusefor

    example,

    by

    disabling

    their

    Internet

    and/or

    phone,

    or

    by

    restricting

    who

    they

    can

    call

    makesurethattheyunderstandtherulesbeforetheygetthephone. Asigned

    contract,prominentlydisplayedontherefrigeratororfamilybulletinboard,canbea

    helpfulwaytoclarifycellphoneguidelinesforchildren.13

    RememberthatmanycellphoneshaveInternet,too. ChildrenwithInternetcapablephonesshouldberemindedtobejustascarefulabouttalkingtostrangersandrevealing

    personalinformationonlineastheywouldonaregularcomputer. Formore

    informationonInternetguidelinesforchildren,seeabove.

    CellPhoneMonitoringSoftware

    Cellphonemonitoringsoftwarecanbeagoodwaytolimitoratleastkeepaneyeonchildrens

    cellphoneuse. Therearetwokindsofcellphonemonitoringsoftwaresoftwarebuiltinto

    carrierservices,andaftermarketsoftwarebothdescribedbelow.

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    CarrierServiceOptions

    Manycellphonecarriershavedevelopedchildspecificcellphoneplansthatallowparentsto

    monitorandrestrictchildrenscalls,phonetime,andtextmessages. Lookforplansthatoffer

    serviceslike:

    limitsforwhochildrencancallandwhotheycanreceivecallsfrom restrictionsonplacesandtimesacellphonecanbeused abilitytotrackachildsmovementusingGPSontheirphone;alertswhenthephone

    leavesprespecifiedareassuchashomeandschool

    limitsforhowmanytextsorIMscanbesentandforhowmuchmoney(e.g.onringtones)ortimecanbespentonline

    Somecellphones,suchastheFireFlyphone,TicTalkphone,andtheWhereifone,aredesigned

    specificallyforyoungerchildren. Thesephoneshavesimplerdesigns(withfewerbuttonsand

    lesscontactstorageroom,forexample),offerparentstheabilitytocontrolincomingand

    outgoingcalls

    and

    messages

    as

    well

    as

    track

    children

    using

    GPS,

    and

    often

    come

    with

    educationalgames.14

    AfterMarketSoftware

    Aftermarketsoftware,orcomputerprogramsthattrackchildrenscellphoneuseafterthe

    phoneandservicehavebeenpurchased,canbeusefultoolsformonitoringhowchildrenuse

    theircellphones. Theseprogramstypicallyprovideparentswithupdates(viaemailortext

    messages)whenchildrensendorreceiveprohibitedtextmessagesorcalls,thoughtheycanalso

    besetuptoprovideadetailedrecordofallcallsandmessages. Althoughtheseservicesprovide

    minutetominutetrackingandupdates,theyusuallydonthavetheabilitytoblockchildren

    fromsendingunauthorizedmessagesandcallsinthefirstplace.

    Conclusion:

    Theideaofgivingcellphonestochildrendoeshavedownsides,butitsadecisionthatmany

    parentsneedtoconsider,ascellphonesmakecommunicationwithchildreneasier. By

    understandinguptodatephonetechnologyandoptionsformonitoringand/orrestrictingcell

    phones,parentscanfindphonesthatmatchtheirchildrensneedsandmaturitylevels. Of

    course,supervisiondoesntendthereitsalsoimportanttoteachkidshowtousephones

    appropriatelyandtocheckin(withyourchildandyourphonebill)tomakesurethatthese

    guidelinesarefollowedbutknowingallyouroptionscanhelpyouandyourchildhaveabetter

    relationshipandkeepthemmoreprotected.

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    Notes

    1http://www.pewinternet.org/pdfs/PIP_Stranger_Contact_Data_Memo.pdf Mostrecentsurveyofteencontactwith

    strangersonline,publishedinOctober2007.2http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/internetprivacy/20060808kidsonlinesurvey_x.htm Surveyofsexual

    solicitationofteensonlinefrom2005.3http://www.pewinternet.org/pdfs/PIP_Stranger_Contact_Data_Memo.pdf4

    http://kids.getnetwise.org/safetyguide/danger/harm,

    http://search.nap.edu/netsafekids/pp_sp.html,

    http://www.nsbf.org/safesmart/fullreport.htm,http://www.protectkids.org/solutions.htm Allprovideuseful

    informationforprotectingchildrenfromsexualpredatorsonline.5http://uk.reuters.com/article/UKNews1/idUKWEN814320070516?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0,

    http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/02/06/eveningnews/main1286130.shtml Informationonthethreatofsex

    predatorsonMySpaceandthewebsitesnewpolicytowardsconvictedsexoffenders.6http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2007/05/myspace_sex_off.html Unofficialsurveyofconvictedsexoffenders

    whouseMySpace.7http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/200607287375.html,http://www.news.com/Congresstargetssocial

    networksites/21001028_36071040.html InformationonDOPAanditsaffectoninternetusers.8http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20080206onlinesexpredatorspreferimchatroomstosocial

    networks.html InformationfromtheAmericanAssociationofPediatricsstudy.9http://www.bewebaware.ca/english/default.aspx Howtoprotectchildrenfromonlinepredatorsinchatroomsand

    onIM.10

    http://www.bewebaware.ca/english/default.aspx

    How

    to

    recognize

    children

    who

    have

    been

    targeted

    by

    sex

    predatorsonline.11

    http://www.point.com/articles/2006/04/cell_phones_for.php Infoonchildcellphoneuse.12

    http://www.wiredsafety.org/safety/chat_safety/phone_safety/sms7.html Infoontextmessagelingo.13

    http://vanessavanpetten.com/2008/01/24/7stepsforparentsshouldyourchildhaveacellphone/

    http://www.pta.org/archive_article_details_1152656743812.html

    http://www.point.com/articles/2006/04/cell_phones_for.php Resourcesforrisksassociatedwithandguidelinesfor

    childcellphoneuse.14

    http://vanessavanpetten.com/2008/01/24/7stepsforparentsshouldyourchildhaveacellphone/ Information

    oncarrierservicemonitoringoptions.