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8/3/2019 Raising Children Digital Age
1/10
RaisingChildrenintheDigitalAge:
TheInternet,CellPhones,andSafe
Parenting
Summary
Kidscanbeawfullyhardtokeepupwiththesedays,astechnologythatseemstogrowfaster
andfastergetsmarketedtochildrenwhoareyoungerandyounger. TaketheInternetfor
examplealthoughtherearelotsofwebsitesdesignedforchildrenthatarefun,educational,
andinteractive,therearealsomoreandmorecommunicationtoolssuchasinstantmessaging
(IMing),chatrooms,andsocialnetworkingthatmakeiteasyforkidstocomeincontactwith
unsuitablematerialorworse,totalktostrangerswhocouldbesexualpredators.
Cellphones
can
seem
just
as
hard
to
keep
up
with.
Today,
they
are
more
than
just
portable
phonelinesthatallowkidstocallforarideafterschoolordial911inanemergency;manynew
phoneshavestandardgadgetsliketextmessaging,cameras,andInternetcapabilitiesthatmake
iteasierforkidstogetintotroublebyusingtheminappropriately. Whatsaparenttodo?
Althoughtheoldsayingmaysoundclich,itstrue:knowledgeispower. Inanincreasingly
digitalworld,itsnotpossible(orevendesirable)toshieldkidsfromthepotentialdangersofthe
Internetandcellphonesforever. Whatyoucandoiseducateyourselfabouthowthesenew
technologieswork,andthenuseyourknowledgetoteachchildrenhowtousetheminaway
thatishealthy,educational,andageappropriate.
Equallyimportantisusingyourunderstandingofyourchildrensneedsandmaturitylevelsto
tailorlimitsandguidelinesjustforthem. Inthefollowingpages,youllfindinfoonthelatest
digitalfadsandtechnology,tipsforeducating,monitoring,andrestrictingkids,andwarning
signstowatchoutforwhenthingsgowrongeverythingyouneednotonlytokeepup,butto
stayonestepaheadinthewirelessworld.
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TheWorstCaseScenario:SexualPredatorsOnline
TheInternetisavaluablelearningtoolforchildrenofallages. However,itisalsoavenuefor
informationthatmaybeinappropriateforchildren,suchaspornographyandviolentmaterial,
andforcontactwithstrangers. A2007surveyrevealedthat32%ofallteenagerswhousethe
Internethave
been
contacted
by
someone
whom
they
do
not
know
(and
who
has
no
connection
withthemthroughfriends,family,etc.);7%ofonlineteenshavebeenmadetofeel
uncomfortableorfrightenedbecauseoftheircontactwiththesestrangers.1 Anearliersurvey
showedthat13%childrenaged1017hadreceivedunwantedsexualsolicitationsonline. The
goodnewsisthatthisnumberhasfallenfrom19%in2000,2whichsuggeststhateffortsby
parents,teachers,andotherofficialstoprotectchildrenhavebeensuccessful.
Themostvulnerableagegrouptoonlinesexualpredatorsisyoungteens,whoareoldenoughto
longforindependencefromtheirparentsandteachers,butinexperiencedenoughtobe
possiblybemanipulated. Studieshaveshownthatgirlsaremorelikelythanboystobe
contactedbyastranger(39%ofgirlscomparedto24%ofboys). Teenswhousesocial
networkingwebsitesand/orpostpicturesofthemselvesonlinearemorethantwotimesas
likelytobecontacted.3 Teenswhodontusesocialnetworkingsitesorpostpicturesof
themselvesareusuallycontactedbystrangersinchatroomsorthroughinstantmessaging
programsoremail.
ProtectingYourChild
Sexualpredatorsonlinearearealthreattochildreninoursociety,buttheopportunitythatthe
Internetprovideschildrentolearnabouttopicsthatinterestthemandtobuildresearchskillsfar
outweighthisdanger. Toprotectchildrenfromthethreatofonlinesexualpredators,parents
andteachersshouldconsiderthefollowing:
Speakwithchildrenaboutthedangersoftalkingtostrangersonline. Remindthemnevertogiveoutpersonalinformationliketheirname,homeandemailaddresses,or
phonenumber,justastheywouldnevertellthesethingstostrangerstheymeetface
toface. Warnthemnevertomeetwithsomeonetheyhavemetonlinewithout
permission.
EncouragechildrentobeopenaboutwhattheydoontheInternet. Talkwiththemaboutsitestheyvisitandfriendstheychatwith,justasyouwouldtalkaboutsubjects
andfriends
at
school.
Monitorchildrenpersonallybykeepingcomputersinafamilyroomandrestrictingtheamountoftimetheymayspendonline.
Investinmonitoring,restricting,orblockingtechnology. MonitoringtoolsletparentsknowwhattheirchildrendoontheInternetbyprovidingtheaddressesofwebsites
visited. Restrictingtoolskeeppersonalinformationfromleavingyourcomputer.
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Blockingorfilteringtoolsscreeninappropriatewebsitesandcontentfromenteringyour
computer.
Emphasizethegoodaswellasthebad. ItsimportantthatchildrenknowwhattolookoutforontheInternet,buttoomuchmonitoringcanlimitkidsabilitytoexploreor
encouragethemtoseeklessrestrictedopportunitiestogoonline,suchasatschoolora
publiclibrary. Makesuretopointoutespeciallyusefulorinterestingwebsites,and
showchildrenhowtousesearchenginesresponsibly.4
SocialNetworkingWebsites:WhatAreThey,andAreTheyDangerous?
SocialnetworkingonlineisthelatestInternetcraze,especiallyamongteensandcollege
students. SomeofthemostpopularsitesareMySpace,Facebook,andFriendster. Networking
websitesallowuserstocreatetheirownwebpageswithpersonalinformationsuchastheir
name,address,school,andfavoriteTVshowsandmusic. Userscanalsouploadpicturesand
videos,
write
journal
entries
(or
Weblogs
a.k.a.
Blogs),
and
create
links
to
outside
content.
What
makesnetworkingwebsitessoappealingisthatuserscanalsosearchthemtofindfriendsfrom
schoolandmeetnewpeoplewithsimilarinterests. Althoughtherearemanyadvantagesto
usingsocialnetworkingsites,parentsandchildrenshouldbeawarethattheyprovide
opportunitiesforsexualpredatorsandotherunsavoryindividualstocontactchildren.
WhatHasBeenDonetoMakeSocialNetworkingWebsitesSafer?
InMay2007,MySpaceannouncedthatitwouldbegincomparingitsuserlisttoMegansLaw
registrieslistsofconvictedsexoffendersinordertopurgethewebsiteofpotentialsexual
predators.Since
then,
MySpace
has
said
that
it
has
found
and
removed
a
few
thousand
offenders,andthatitplanstodevoteonethirdofitssizeablestafftomonitoringthesites
safety.5 However,thesitespolicydoesnotpreventsexpredatorsfromregisteringunderafalse
name,andanunofficialsurveyofformersexoffenderswithMySpaceprofilesrevealedthat
manywerestillactiveonthewebsite.6
AnotheractiontoprotectchildrenfromsexpredatorsonsocialnetworksistheDeletingOnline
PredatorsAct(DOPA),passedbyCongressin2006. Thisnewlawrequiresschoolsandpublic
librariestopreventchildrenfromaccessingsocialnetworkingwebsitesontheircomputers.
AlthoughDOPAwasdesignedtomakeparentalsupervisionofkidsonlineactivitieseasier,
childrenstillneedtobetaughthowtousesocialnetworkingsitesinasafeway.7
SecuringSocialNetworksOnline:MakeFriendstheSafeWay
Socialnetworkingisnotabadwayforchildrentospendtheirtimeonline,butitisimportantfor
themtolearnhowtodosowithoutputtingthemselvesatrisk. Allofthegeneralguidelinesfor
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avoidingsexualpredatorsonline(listedabove)stillapply,butherearesomesuggestionsfor
usingsocialnetworkingwebsitessafely:
Followthewebsitesagelimit. MySpacedoesnotallowusersundertheageof14,andothersocialnetworkingsiteshavesimilarrulesorrecommendations. However,itisup
toparentstomakesurethatkidsfollowtheserules.
Makesurethatthewebsitesprivacysettingsareonhigh. Mostnetworkingsiteshavesettingsthatonlyallowuserswhohavebeenexplicitlydesignatedasfriendstoseean
individualsfullpersonalinformation.
Teachchildrentobecarefulaboutrevealingpersonalinformationontheirwebpages.Identifyinginformationthatmightseemharmlesscaninclude:childrensfullnamesand
thoseoftheirfriends;picturesthatcontainlicenseplates,streetsigns,orclothingwitha
schoolname;andgroupsthatareidentifiedwithchildrensschooland/ortown.
Cautionchildrenagainstbaringtheirsoulsonline. Ejournals(onnetworkingsitesandjournalspecificsiteslikeLiveJournal.com)canhelpteenslearntoexpressthemselves
creatively,but
sex
predators
can
use
these
records
to
find
and
lure
vulnerable
children.
DangerousTalk:Email,IMs,andChatRooms
Email,instantmessages(IMs)andchatroomswaystocommunicatewithotherindividualsor
groupsofpeoplemoreorlessinstantlyhavebeenaroundsincetheInternetwascreated. The
attractionoftheseprograms,especiallytokids,isobvious:theyprovideawaytoconnectwith
friendsoutsideofschool,andtomeetnewpeoplewithsimilarinterests. Buttalkingonlineis
alsooneofthebestandmostdangerouswaysforchildrentocomeintocontactwithsexual
predators. Onenewstudy,conductedbytheAmericanAcademyofPediatrics,showedthat15%
ofchildren
ages
10
15
(ages
typically
prohibited
from
using
social
networking
websites
like
MySpaceandFacebook)havereceivedunwantedsolicitationsforsexonline,mostlythrough
chatroomsandIMs.8
KnowingandReducingtheRisks
BecauseIMsandchatroomsallowpeopletocommunicatedirectly,asiftheywerehavinga
conversation,theyallowpredatorstogainchildrenstrustbytalkingabouttheirinterests,goals,
andemotions. Predatorsactcaringandsympathetictotheirtargetstroubles,andmaytryto
manipulatelonelyorrebelliousteensbytakingtheirsideagainstotherkids,parents,and
teachers. Childrenmostvulnerabletothiskindofmanipulationareusuallyintheirearlyteens,
andtheymaybeturningtothewebforattentionandcamaraderie,answersregardingsexual
confusion,ortoexplorenewsubculturespreviouslyforbiddenordiscouragedbytheirparents.
Parentscanreducetherisktotheirchildrenbyfollowingthesuggestionsabove,andconsidering
thesechatroomspecificguidelines:
Helpchildrenchooseonlinescreennamesthatdontprovidecluestotheirgender,identity,orlocation.
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Dontletyoungerkidsusechatrooms. Whenchildrenareoldenoughtostartchattingonline,seekoutroomswithappropriatetopicsandmonitoring.
Beawareofwhichchatroomsyourchildrenuseandvisitthemyourselftomakesurethatyouarecomfortablewiththetopicsbeingdiscussedandtheotheruserswhoare
there.
TeachchildrenchatroomandIMsafetyskills:theyshouldneverrespondtoastrangersIMsoremails,andtheyshouldalwaysgetpermissionfromaparentbeforeagreeingto
meetwithsomeonetheymetonline. Theyshouldalsolearnnevertoleaveapublicchat
roomtoIMprivatelywithsomeonetheydontknowthisishowpredatorslure
childrenintoestablishingmoreintimatebonds.9
RecognizingTargetedChildren
Despiteparentsbestefforts,childrenmaystillbecontactedbyasexualpredatorandstartto
fall
under
the
criminals
spell.
If
this
happens,
try
to
remain
calm,
and
talk
things
over
with
your
child:contactwithalikelypredatorisnotyourchildsfault,andyellingandscreamingmayonly
makethemlesslikelytotrustyou. Ifyourecognizesomeofthesignsbelow,youmaywantto
considercallingthelocalpolice.
Yourchildgetsphonecallsfromsomeoneyoudontknow,ormakeslotsofcallstonumbersyoudontrecognize. Thiscouldbeasignthatthechildsrelationshipwitha
predatorisbecomingmoreintimate.
Yourchildreceivesmailorpackagesfromsomeoneyoudontknow. Sometimespredatorswilltrytoingratiatethemselveswithchildrenbysendingthemlettersand
giftsinthemail.
Yourchilddownloadspornontothecomputer. Predatorssometimestrytomakechildrencomfortablewithexplicitsexualactivitiesbysendingthemphotosorvideos
online.
Yourchildbecomesstandoffishorreservedanddepressedafterspeakingwiththeunknownacquaintance. Predatorsmaytrytogetclosertochildrenbymakingproblems
athomeorschoolseemmoreseriousthantheyare.
Yourchildbecomesmoresecretiveabouthisorheronlineactivities,creatingtheirownemailorIMaccounts,spendinglotsoftimeonlineatlibrariesoratschool,andhiding
theirconversationsfromonlookersathome.10
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Conclusion:
Nothingcanreplacethetimeparentsspendwiththeirchildren. Monitoringandblocking
softwarearegreattools,buttheyreevenmoreeffectivewhenparentstaketimetoexplainto
theirchildrenwhythesetoolsareimportantandhowkidscanprotectthemselvesonline.
Similarly,its
important
for
parents
to
communicate
with
children
about
their
online
habits
and
friends,inordertomakesurethatkidsareusingtheInternetinahealthy,ageappropriate
manner,andtobeabletorecognizewarningsignsiftheyoccur. Childrenwhounderstandthe
potentialdangersofthewebandwhoknowthattheirparentsareawareoftheironline
activitiesaremuchlesslikelytofallpreytosexpredatorsonline.
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CellPhones:HowSafeAreCellPhonesFor
ChildrenandHowCanParentsMakeThem
Safer?
CellphoneuseisagrowingtrendintheUSandabroad,especiallyfor
youngpeople. Onereportestimatesthatnearly50%ofAmericanchildren
undertheageof15owntheirowncellphones. Whilekidscellphoneshavesomeclear
benefitstheycanmakeiteasierforkidstocommunicatewithparents,forexample,andare
goodtohaveincaseofanemergencytheyarealsosophisticatedpiecesoftechnologythat
requireresponsibleuseandcare. Buyingyourchildacellphoneisaninvestmentthatshouldbe
consideredcarefully.11
RisksInvolvedwithChildCellPhoneUse
Cellphonesareausefulcommunicationtool,especiallyforbusyparentsandchildren. However,
thefollowingrisksshouldbetakenintoconsiderationbeforehandingacellphoneovertoyour
child:
Privacy. Cellphones,especiallynewermodelswithInternetaccess,providechildrenwithanoutletintothewideworldofunwantedcallersandtextmessages,
advertisements,andinappropriatecontent.
Bullying. Mostnewcellphonescomewithavarietyofneatgadgets,likecameras,Internetaccess,andtextmessagingability. Butallofthesetoolscanbeusedby
childrentobullytheirpeersbyuploadingembarrassingpicturestothewebfor
instance,or
by
sending
harassing
text
messages.
NonstopSocializing. Havingacellphonewillnotonlyallowyourchildtocallyouwhenheorsheneedsaride,itwillgivethemtheopportunitytochatwithafrienduntilyou
getthere. Becausecellphonesaremeanttobemobile,theycanmakekeepingtrackof
andcontrollingachildsinteractionwithhisorherpeersnearlyimpossible.
BigBills. ItcanbedifficultforchildrentokeeptrackofhowlongtheystayonthephoneorInternet,andhowmanytextmessagestheysend. Almostinvariably,thiscanresultin
astronomicallyhighcellphonebillsattheendofthemonth.
Health. Thejuryisstilloutontheriskcellphonesposetotheirusersbrainfunction.Perennial
concerns
include
the
risk
of
brain
damage
and/or
cancer
from
cell
phone
radiation,andtheriskofhearinglossfromhighvolumespeakers.
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GuidelinesforChildCellPhoneUse
Despitetherisksassociatedwithchildcellphoneuse,itmayseeminevitablethatchildrenown
theirowncellphones,especiallyastheygrowolder. Herearesomeguidelinesforteaching
childrenpropercellphoneuse:
Knowthephoneyourself. Aswithmanynewtechnologies,itsnotuncommonforchildrentoknowmoreaboutcellphonesandhowtousethemthantheirparents. This
knowledgecanbeasourceofcellphoneabuseifparentsarenotvigilant;childrencan
capitalizeontheirparentsignorancetousetheirphonesinappropriately. Itsagood
ideaforparentstofamiliarizethemselveswithhowaparticularcellphoneworks(such
ashowtocheckthecontactlist,sentandreceivedcallsandmessages,ringtones,
games,etc.),andhowtoreadtextmessagelingobeforegivingtheirchildrenaccesstoa
phone.12
Monitorthecellphonebillcarefully. Onewaytoheadofftheproblemofescalatingcell
phone
bills
is
to
use
a
pre
paid
plan
that
only
allows
for
a
certain
number
of
minutes
and/ortextmessagespermonth. However,itisstillimportanttocheckchildrenscell
phonebillswhichshouldhaveanitemizedlistofcalls,messages,andInternetuse
monthlytomakesurethattheyarentgoingoverthelimit.
Teachchildrencellphoneetiquette. Thisisespeciallyimportantforchildrenwhoseschoolshavestrictrulesregardingcellphoneuseinclassrooms,hallways,and
bathrooms. Itsagoodideatoknowwhatrelevantschoolrulesare,andthatyourchild
understandsthem. Childrenshouldalsolearnnottousecellphonesinpublicplaces
suchasrestaurantsandmovietheaters.
Talkwithchildrenabouthouserules. Ifyouplantorestrictyourchildscellphoneusefor
example,
by
disabling
their
Internet
and/or
phone,
or
by
restricting
who
they
can
call
makesurethattheyunderstandtherulesbeforetheygetthephone. Asigned
contract,prominentlydisplayedontherefrigeratororfamilybulletinboard,canbea
helpfulwaytoclarifycellphoneguidelinesforchildren.13
RememberthatmanycellphoneshaveInternet,too. ChildrenwithInternetcapablephonesshouldberemindedtobejustascarefulabouttalkingtostrangersandrevealing
personalinformationonlineastheywouldonaregularcomputer. Formore
informationonInternetguidelinesforchildren,seeabove.
CellPhoneMonitoringSoftware
Cellphonemonitoringsoftwarecanbeagoodwaytolimitoratleastkeepaneyeonchildrens
cellphoneuse. Therearetwokindsofcellphonemonitoringsoftwaresoftwarebuiltinto
carrierservices,andaftermarketsoftwarebothdescribedbelow.
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CarrierServiceOptions
Manycellphonecarriershavedevelopedchildspecificcellphoneplansthatallowparentsto
monitorandrestrictchildrenscalls,phonetime,andtextmessages. Lookforplansthatoffer
serviceslike:
limitsforwhochildrencancallandwhotheycanreceivecallsfrom restrictionsonplacesandtimesacellphonecanbeused abilitytotrackachildsmovementusingGPSontheirphone;alertswhenthephone
leavesprespecifiedareassuchashomeandschool
limitsforhowmanytextsorIMscanbesentandforhowmuchmoney(e.g.onringtones)ortimecanbespentonline
Somecellphones,suchastheFireFlyphone,TicTalkphone,andtheWhereifone,aredesigned
specificallyforyoungerchildren. Thesephoneshavesimplerdesigns(withfewerbuttonsand
lesscontactstorageroom,forexample),offerparentstheabilitytocontrolincomingand
outgoingcalls
and
messages
as
well
as
track
children
using
GPS,
and
often
come
with
educationalgames.14
AfterMarketSoftware
Aftermarketsoftware,orcomputerprogramsthattrackchildrenscellphoneuseafterthe
phoneandservicehavebeenpurchased,canbeusefultoolsformonitoringhowchildrenuse
theircellphones. Theseprogramstypicallyprovideparentswithupdates(viaemailortext
messages)whenchildrensendorreceiveprohibitedtextmessagesorcalls,thoughtheycanalso
besetuptoprovideadetailedrecordofallcallsandmessages. Althoughtheseservicesprovide
minutetominutetrackingandupdates,theyusuallydonthavetheabilitytoblockchildren
fromsendingunauthorizedmessagesandcallsinthefirstplace.
Conclusion:
Theideaofgivingcellphonestochildrendoeshavedownsides,butitsadecisionthatmany
parentsneedtoconsider,ascellphonesmakecommunicationwithchildreneasier. By
understandinguptodatephonetechnologyandoptionsformonitoringand/orrestrictingcell
phones,parentscanfindphonesthatmatchtheirchildrensneedsandmaturitylevels. Of
course,supervisiondoesntendthereitsalsoimportanttoteachkidshowtousephones
appropriatelyandtocheckin(withyourchildandyourphonebill)tomakesurethatthese
guidelinesarefollowedbutknowingallyouroptionscanhelpyouandyourchildhaveabetter
relationshipandkeepthemmoreprotected.
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Notes
1http://www.pewinternet.org/pdfs/PIP_Stranger_Contact_Data_Memo.pdf Mostrecentsurveyofteencontactwith
strangersonline,publishedinOctober2007.2http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/internetprivacy/20060808kidsonlinesurvey_x.htm Surveyofsexual
solicitationofteensonlinefrom2005.3http://www.pewinternet.org/pdfs/PIP_Stranger_Contact_Data_Memo.pdf4
http://kids.getnetwise.org/safetyguide/danger/harm,
http://search.nap.edu/netsafekids/pp_sp.html,
http://www.nsbf.org/safesmart/fullreport.htm,http://www.protectkids.org/solutions.htm Allprovideuseful
informationforprotectingchildrenfromsexualpredatorsonline.5http://uk.reuters.com/article/UKNews1/idUKWEN814320070516?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0,
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/02/06/eveningnews/main1286130.shtml Informationonthethreatofsex
predatorsonMySpaceandthewebsitesnewpolicytowardsconvictedsexoffenders.6http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2007/05/myspace_sex_off.html Unofficialsurveyofconvictedsexoffenders
whouseMySpace.7http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/200607287375.html,http://www.news.com/Congresstargetssocial
networksites/21001028_36071040.html InformationonDOPAanditsaffectoninternetusers.8http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20080206onlinesexpredatorspreferimchatroomstosocial
networks.html InformationfromtheAmericanAssociationofPediatricsstudy.9http://www.bewebaware.ca/english/default.aspx Howtoprotectchildrenfromonlinepredatorsinchatroomsand
onIM.10
http://www.bewebaware.ca/english/default.aspx
How
to
recognize
children
who
have
been
targeted
by
sex
predatorsonline.11
http://www.point.com/articles/2006/04/cell_phones_for.php Infoonchildcellphoneuse.12
http://www.wiredsafety.org/safety/chat_safety/phone_safety/sms7.html Infoontextmessagelingo.13
http://vanessavanpetten.com/2008/01/24/7stepsforparentsshouldyourchildhaveacellphone/
http://www.pta.org/archive_article_details_1152656743812.html
http://www.point.com/articles/2006/04/cell_phones_for.php Resourcesforrisksassociatedwithandguidelinesfor
childcellphoneuse.14
http://vanessavanpetten.com/2008/01/24/7stepsforparentsshouldyourchildhaveacellphone/ Information
oncarrierservicemonitoringoptions.