WHAT IS A TEMPER TANTRUM?

Q Grows out of a child's intense feelings of anger and frustration.Q May start with whining.Q Screaming - not an ordinary scream but a supersonic, ear shattering scream.Q May be accompanied by physical aggression such as biting, kicking, hitting, scratching.Q Verbal aggression - saying mean things like"! hate you" "I wish you would go away and

never come back"; swearing.Q Destroying property -e.g. throwing things, writing on the wal!, tearing off the wall paper.Q Flopping on the floor.Q Holding breath.U Stomping feet

REASONS FOR TEMPER TANTRUMS

Q Frustration: Child's request is denied - he can't get what he wants• Unable to perform a task to his/her satisfaction (some children have very little

tolerance for frustration).• Instant gratification - he wants what he wants now, not able to wait.

U Attention seeking - it is hard to ignore a child who screams and cries.Q Learned behavior from watching others.Q Related to child's temperaments (children who are overactive, impulsive, irritable are

more prone to temper tantrums).a Delayed speech and poor social skillsQ Can be just a stage he/she is going throughQ May have physical needs that need to be met (hungry, tired, need for diaper change)Q Exposure to frequent or chronic stressful events in the family (marital discord, poor

health, financial, drugs)

WAYS TO PREVENT A TEMPER TANTRUM FROM HAPPENING OR ESCALATING

a Don't Throw a Temper Tantrum yourself. Remain calm and cool when your childbehaves inappropriately.

a Meet the child's physical needs (hunger, fatigue, level of stimulation; energy level)a Avoid excessive demands and set age appropriate expectations according to child's

developmentQ Plan ahead by stating expectations clearly (set limits)Q Give advance warnings to stop or change an activity - Children have good

accelerators but have lousy brakes.Q Whisper - if your child starts to scream and get angry, whisper or speak sofflyQ Use Distraction - be creative, anything that calms a child down and takes his mind off his

anger is a good distraction. Do something unexpected - offer your child a drink of waterWhen child is drinking he can't be screaming or crying.

Q Redirection ~ To redirect is to find a suitable alternative for the same behavior.a Use Humor

WAYS TO PREVENT A TEMPER TANTRUM FROM HAPPENING OR ESCALATING(continued)

a Avoid saying "No" to your child's request, instead use As Soon As or When/Then Rule...Q Offer Choices between 2 acceptable alternativesQ Observe your child's behaviors closely and find out what triggers his tantrumsQ Encourage child's verbalization of feelings and acknowledge them.Q Understand age appropriate behavioral nuisances. Common annoying behaviors for:

2 year olds - dawdling and saying NO3-6 year olds - interrupting and whining7-8 year olds - daydream and forget to do chores9-10 years - tease younger siblings11-12 years - talk back13 years - hard time getting up in the A.M

G Model good ways of handling stress - do self talk.Q Build a positive relationship with child. Spend time with your child. Give praise and

encouragement for child's good behaviors - catch him being good.

WHAT TO DO WHEN A TEMPTER TANTRUM IS IN FULL BLOOM

For nonviolent temper tantrums that do not involve danger to self, others and property:

Q Ignore the behaviorQ Remove the child from an audienceQ Remain calm and speak softlya Encourage deep breathingQ Gentle holding if screaming persistsQ Provide appropriate outlets for child's anger (piaydough, drawing)Q Soothing techniques - e.g fanning child

For violent temper outbursts that involve hurting of self, others and property:

Q Physically restrain child but do it with caution. Know your child. Some children rebel morewhen they are restrained.

a Put child in a safe, time out areaQ Call for extra help if this is available

WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD IS THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM:

Q Do not offer your child rewards to stop the tantrum.a Do not try to reason with childQ Do not punish, threaten or shame your child. This will only escalate a power struggle.

WHAT TO DO AFTER A TANTRUM SUBSIDES:

Q Talk to your child. Problem-solve strategies to handle the situation. Use "What If... whatcould you do instead?

Q Unconditional acceptance of child (not behavior) - let your child know that you still lovehim in spite of his angry outburst.

Q Teach your child appropriate ways of dealing with his/her anger. (Drawing, listening tomusic)

Q Reenter your child into the group activity or routine.a Meet the child's physical needsQ Provide intermittent rewards when he does not display the inappropriate behavior.Q Set up a quiet corner and teach children to use it or redirect as neededQ Energize and take care of yourself

CONSIDER PROFESSIONAL HELP WHEN THE TANTRUMS:

Q Appear to have no observable causeQ Increase in intensity, frequency and lengthQ Exhaust your strategies in dealing with child's behaviorsQ Occur in all settings, not just at home or at schoolQ Danger to self, others or propertyQ Negatively affect your perception and interaction with child

Community Resources:

Q AEA consultantsQ Child Study Teama Child PsychologistQ Child Guidance ClinicQ Ask staff at your child's school or child development center