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Repair or Leave Your Marriage by allinthe family

Repair or Leave Your Marriage by ALLINTHE FAMILYArticle Posted: 03/31/2013Article Views: 31Articles Written: 1Word Count: 671Article Votes: 0

Repair or Leave Your Marriage

Health,Government

The reality of marriage is that it requires a lot more than loving your partner or loving your children to make it work. It requiresreally unique skills to manage conflict, to discuss difference of wants and learn how to negotiate a win-win for spouses. Theskills that make you a good employee or boss or parent don’t work in a marriage. The lack of effective marital skills leads to theloss of good feelings and love in the relationship.

Prevention is Best!

To ensure a successful marriage, start early and do relationship skills counselling prior to getting married to learn skills foreffective communication, managing differences and learning how both parties can get their needs met. While it may seem oddto get help when you are happy, that is the best time to learn new skills.

So often couples are caught up in many emotions of planning the wedding, usually the sex is the best it will ever be and life isnot complicated. Once people get married, it takes more skills to be able to manages the demands of the individuals careers,personal time and couple time. Throw in a few kids and things can get even more complicated. Starting early and learningeffective conflict management skills means therapy is shorter and results are easier to come by

Go when Problems are Small

If you are already married and starting to feel dissatisfied, do not wait to seek professional help. Too often couples rely on “hope”or magical thinking in their marriage. Hope or magical thinking believes that doing the same ineffective behaviors will change mypartner, situation or relationship.

Research shows that couples often experience 6 years of decline and unhappiness in their marriage before seeking help.Sometimes couples wait too long and counselling won’t be enough to save a marriage.

If you have been experiencing a long period of marital unhappiness, do not wait to get help, even if your partner doesn’t want tocome. You can go alone and learn how to improve your relationship. Before anyone ends a marriage they want to work their wayout and make sure they’ve done everything they can to save it. So you can work your way out of or into a marriage with orwithout your partner.

Bad Reasons to Stay in a Marriage:

For the kids: this places a huge burden on children. Divorce itself doesn’t hurt children but two fighting parents that can’t standeach, hurl insults and are vicious towards each other, DO hurt children whether they are married or not. Stigma: staying withsomeone in order to avoid shame won’t make for a happy union and will lead to resentment. To keep your parents happy. Againif you are in a relationship for anyone other than yourself, it won’t work, you’ll feel a lot of anger and resentment and there is nolove in that. Money: Often people fear the loss of financial stability. However, this again creates a power imbalance and this cancreate many power struggle fights Fear of Change: Change is inevitable, and staying in a bad situation is not enough to make amarriage work. Good Reason to Save the Marriage:

You can still remember positively all the reasons why you decided to get married to your partner You still can find good in yourrelationship and value what you’ve created together You still feel motivated to try and make things better and you are willing to

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Author Spotlight

RICHARDCURTAIN

change and are not just focused on what your partner needs to change You still like your partner. While love is important, youcan love someone and not like them, so it is important to like your partner. You are willing to take responsibility for your part inwhat is not working in the relationship regardless of what your partner does You are will to put your relationship above all theneeds and issues to make it better.

For more information, You can click here Counselling psychologist Singapore and Relationship counsellingSingapore

Related Articles - Expat counsellor, Counsellor Singapore, Children sleep help,

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