Name: _______________________________

Patrol: ___________

2006

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Cast Information Rehearsals Cast members are expected to attend every rehearsal. If for any reason you are unable to attend a rehearsal, or will be late, please contact Jan or Cameron before the rehearsal starts. We understand you do have a life outside Gang Show. Failure to attend rehearsals can cause great disruption to rehearsal schedules and may disadvantage other cast members who are relying on you being there and playing your part. If you cannot attend a rehearsal because of a work or Scouting/Guiding commitment please write your name and the reason in the absentee book. Repeated Non attendance at rehearsals will endanger your role in the show. Extra rehearsals may be held before each 4-7pm Sunday rehearsal at East Gosford. As much notice as possible will be given for these rehearsals All cast members must continue to attend their regular section activities and meetings during the rehearsal period. Scouting and Guiding activities take precedence over Gang Show activities. Exceptions to the above are as follows. The 3rd, 4th and 25th of June at Camp Kariong are NON-NEGOTIABLE The 3rd, 4th and 25th of June at Camp Kariong are NON-NEGOTIABLE The 3rd, 4th and 25th of June at Camp Kariong are NON-NEGOTIABLE No exceptions, No excuses, No Way, No How, No Nothing! Don’t even try. Organise your work shifts NOW. Tell your coach NOW. Write it in your parent’s diaries. Put it on the fridge. Do what you have to do but just make sure you are there. Do you all understand this!! Please make this very clear to your parents!!

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Words and Actions Cast members are expected to know the words and actions of songs and sketches after the item has been rehearsed for four weeks. Name Tags You will be given a name tag at the first rehearsal which will be collected from you at the end of each rehearsal. It is ESSENTIAL that all cast and crew members wear their name tags in a position that can be easily seen. (i.e. around your neck) Weekend Rehearsal Camp

The weekend rehearsal camp is designed to give the cast the opportunity to practice the large items of the show, and to get to know each other a little bit better. Oh and have loads of fun doing it.

The weekend is fully catered however you will be required to bring:

• Dilly Bag (Knife, Fork, Spoon, Plate, Bowl, Cup & Tea Towel) • Sleeping bag/Pillow • Toiletries/Towel • Warm and Comfortable clothes and clothes to get messy in

Note –all personal items should be clearly marked with your name. The cast and patrol photographs will be taken at camp. Scarves are presented to all new members that attend camp. Please note that you are only ever given one of these scarves so you should take good care of it and wear it with pride. Make sure your name is on your scarf. Under no circumstances is the scarf to be swapped, traded or sold. Saturday night of the camp is also Klub Kariong. Gang Shows very own exclusive night club open to all members of the show. So bring along your clubbing clothes. Fees Each member of the cast is required to pay fees in order to participate in the show. If you have any queries regarding fees, or if you are having problems paying fees, please see Jan as early as possible. Reunion Full Cast Party - following the last performance there will be a party at District Hall until approx. 12.30am. There is no alcohol at this party - but there is lots of fairy bread, hot finger food and drinks.

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Ticket Sales Every Gang Show member is a Ticket Seller as well as a member of the cast or crew. There is no point any of us putting in all the work of rehearsing, making costumes, creating great sets, dancing, singing acting and generally working your butt off if there is no audience to clap and cheer. Sure some of you might be shy now and prefer to sing with your hairbrush in front of the mirror. But just ask any one who has been out there on stage, there is nothing like the feeling of having hundreds of people cheering you on. Also we need to make the money to pay for all this somehow. High Flyer Card - For every bum you put on a seat that is tickets sold, you earn High Flyer points. When you accumulate 35 or more points you will receive a special ID card which will entitle you to get Hot or Cold Milo and a Tim Tam at drink break while everyone else is drinking cordial and plain biscuits. For those cast members with sisters or brothers in the show as well, My advice is get in early and sign up whoever you can, because sharing a Tim-Tam and Milo with your Sis or Bro just sucks. Who can I sell tickets to? Friends, Family, your Scout/Guide Group, Teachers, Dance School, Soccer Club, Neighbours, anyone really. Approach your local shops and ask if you can put posters in their windows. Put an article in your School Newsletter, or sport/dance club newsletter, visit the other sections in your group and invite them along and of course don’t forget to bring your favourite Aunty/Uncle or Grandma along to the show. Also get in contact with as many past Gang members as you can –if you know a long lost relative or friend who was once involved in Gang Show invite them along to our very special Red Scarf Night. Website:

www.centralcoastgangshow.com Go check it out, slowly but surely we are updating the site. So go have a look and see what’s new. You might even see yourself there. Gang Show is all about having fun whilst working hard in order to put on the best show possible in July. In order to do this, we try to keep the number of problems and dramas to a minimum. If you do have some kind of problem, please speak to Jan or Cameron on the numbers below (We prefer if you see us at rehearsals). We don’t bite and we will do whatever we can to help you out.

Jan 4324 6574 Cameron 0416 234615

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Act 1

Act 2

Page Item Your Part 6 Another Opening Another Show 7 On The Way Home

10 Fairies From The Bottom Of Your Garden 11 Revolting Rhymes 13 Fairy Fling 16 All Shook Up 16 Hound Dog 17 Tutti Fruitti 18 Rock Around The Clock 19 Great Balls Of Fire 20 Coast and Away 22 A Great Deal – Trust Me! 23 Simple Melody 24 Yes What 29 Young Love 31 It’s Not Cricket 34 Annie

Page Item Your Part 42 Annie 49 Lamington Ladies 50 Interview With A Vampire 52 Graveyard Rock 52 Halloween 53 Vampire Tango 54 Paint Your Wagon 55 Bigger Than Texas 56 Frontier Mortician 59 Stomp 60 Synchronised Swimming

Search For The 5th Wiggle 4 Scouters Finale

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Rehearsal Schedule

Jobs & Information for Duty Patrols

Each patrol will be rostered on for duty patrol as per the duty roster. We expect the whole patrol to stay for a few minutes after the rehearsal finishes to help with the duties. So please inform your parents. Duty Patrol will be in charge of:

• Opening and closing parades. • Setting up the flag, Folding the Flag at end of rehearsal • Moving the refreshment boxes to and from the Guide hall • Getting Fans out if hot • Close windows, switch off heaters, put fans away • Sweeping out the hall

Date Place Time Duty Patrol Notes Sunday 26 February East Gosford 4-7pm Romance Rebels

Sunday 5 March East Gosford 4-7pm Comedy Kings Sunday 12 March East Gosford 4-7pm Action Animals Sunday 19 March East Gosford 9.30am – 4pm Drama Queens Sunday 26 March East Gosford 4-7pm Sci-Fi Freaks Sunday 1 April Camp Kariong 9am Start Romance Rebels Camp

Saturday 2 April Camp Kariong 3pm Finish Comedy Kings Camp Sunday 9 April East Gosford 4-7pm Action Animals

Sunday 16 April No Rehearsals Easter N/A No Rehearsals Sunday 23 April East Gosford 4-7pm Drama Queens Sunday 30 April East Gosford 9.30am – 4pm Sci-Fi Freaks Sunday 7 May East Gosford 4-7pm Romance Rebels

Sunday 14 May East Gosford 4-7pm Comedy Kings Sunday 21 May East Gosford 9.30am – 4pm Sci-Fi Freaks Sunday 28 May East Gosford 4-7pm Romance Rebels Saturday 3 June Camp Kariong 9.00am – 4pm Action Animals All Day Sunday 4 June Camp Kariong 9.00am – 4pm Drama Queens All Day

Monday 12 June East Gosford 4-7pm Production Skits only Sunday 18 June East Gosford 4-7pm Drama Queens

Saturday 24 June Camp Kariong TBA Comedy Kings Crew Only Sunday 25 June Camp Kariong 9am - 4pm Sci-fi Freaks No Scripts Sunday 2 July East Gosford 4-7pm Production Sunday 9 July Laycock St 10.30am - 9pm N/A Dress Rehearsal

Monday 10 July Laycock St 6pm - 10.30pm N/A Dress Rehearsal Wednesday 12 July Laycock St 6.15pm – 11.30pm N/A Performance Thursday 13 July Laycock St 6.15pm – 11.30pm N/A Performance

Friday 14 July Laycock St 6.15pm – 11.30pm N/A Performance Saturday 15 July Laycock St 12.30pm-11.30pm N/A Performance

Saturday 12 August District Hall 5.30pm Onwards Everyone Reunion

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Another Op’nin’ Another Show Cole Porter

A Intro B Another op'nin', another show

In Philly, Boston or Baltimo', A chance for stage folks to say hello, Another op'nin' of another show.

C Another job that you hope, at last,

Will make your future forget your past, Another pain where the ulcers grow, Another op'nin' of another show.

D Four weeks, you rehearse and rehearse,

Three weeks and it couldn't be worse, One week, will it ever be right? Then out o' the hat, it's that big first night!

E The overture is about to start, You cross your fingers and hold your heart, It's curtain time and away we go!

Another op'nin', of another show. F Another op'nin', another show

In Philly, Boston or Baltimo', A chance for stage folks to say hello, Another op'nin' of another show.

G Another job that you hope, at last,

Will make your future forget your past, Another pain where the ulcers grow, Another op'nin' of another show.

H Four weeks, you rehearse and rehearse, Three weeks and it couldn't be worse, One week, will it ever be right? Then out o' the hat, it's that big first night!

I The overture is about to start, You cross your fingers and hold your heart, It's curtain time and away we go! Another op'nin', Just another op'nin' of another show.

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On The Way Home Nick Browne, Michael Kidd & Andrew Taylor

(Lights up on P side on a group of three boy scouts. Kevin has a skateboard

under his arm. All wear scout uniform, but mason and Stephen wear scout shorts while Kevin wears board shorts. On op side is a group of three girl scouts. They wear regular scout uniform. They are all on their way home from a scout meeting but on opposite sides of the road The two groups move in centre stage. Kevin skates across.)

Kelly: You’re so “trendy” Kevin. Jen: Gidday, Kevin. What’s that on your face? Oh sorry, it’s your nose. (The girls laugh, the boys don’t) Stephen: Wasn’t it fantastic at Scouts tonight? (Simultaneously) Mason: Not really Kevin: You’ve gotta be joking Sue: Get off the grass Kelly: Bigger than Brownies Jen: A plastic hip. Mason: I don’t know why they introduced girls into our Troop. Kevin: Some kids reckon it’s the biggest mistake since they introduced rabbits, prickly

pear, and cane toads. Jen: (to Kevin) You’d know, wart face. Sue: Where do you get all those loser leaders from? Kelly: Your Scout leader called sheep is a real dag. Stephen: Rubbish! Sheep has some very positive qualities. Kelly: Name three. Mason: He’s got a four-wheel drive. Stephen: He takes us to Maccas. Kevin: He goes well with min sauce. Jen: Shut up, Pinocchio.

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Mason: Any why do you girls always knock the Male leaders? What about that old bag who joined when you did?

Jen: Tintookie has some very positive qualities. Mason: Name one. Sue: Err … ah…. Kelly: Um … well… Jen: She can kick start Sheep’s four-wheel drive. Mason: She’s so embarrassing. Remember that night at the beach when all those

conservationists kept throwing buckets of water over her and trying to roll her back into the sea.

Stephen: Where’d you find her anyway? Kelly: She works in the library at school. Kevin: (Melodramatically) Conan the Librarian! Sue: You can’t talk. Your leader Sheep is so dumb he hasn’t worked out that all the

new boys are girls. Stephen: Why do we have to have girls in our Troop anyway? Mason: If Baden Powell meant girls to join he’d have called that book Scouting for girls

and boys.(the boys and girls separate into their two croups, going to the opposite sides of the stage from where they began the sketch, the boys of OP and the girls to P side. Kevin confides:

Kevin: Actually, it’s not bad having girls in the Troop. Mason: Yeah, they can do all the cooking on camps … and keep the Patrol Corner tidy

… and sew on our badges. Kevin: And they’re better looking than you Mason. Mason: But they smell. Kevin: I don’t care … I like ‘em. Stephen: Aw Kevin, you disgust me. You don’t really like girls, do you? Kevin: I can’t help it. Mum says I’m just a walking hormone.(the action flashes to the

gossiping group on P side). Sue: Actually, it’s not bad being in Scouts. Kelly: Yeah, the boys can carry our suitcases on hikes. Sue: And kill spiders for us.

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Kelly: And dig the latrines. Sue: The what? Kelly: But that Kevin … What a nerd! Talk about pizza-face. Jen: He’s all right. He’s just going through publicity. Actually he isn’t bad. Sue: How can you say that? After all the stirring you’re heaped on him. Kelly: And he’s go such a big nose. Jen: I think he’s got a really cute nose, and noses run. Sue: Anyway, I thought you were going out with Shane … the one with the

flannelette shirt and the mullet. Jen: Nah. I’ve decided to let bogans be bygones. (Kevin skates to the centre. Jen walks to centre. Kelly joins Stephen on OP side,

and Mason crosses to join Sue on P side). Kevin: Hey, Kelly, do you think I need a shave? Kelly: (unimpressed) Sure, Steve. In about ten years. Mason: Sue, how do you like my hair? I put mousse in it. Sue: Yeah, it smells all chocolaty. Mason: Still it’s better then it use to be. My mum wouldn’t get me any gel, so I had to

use Colgate. Sue: You’re so immature, Mason. Kevin: Why don’t you kids run along? Jen and I might stay back and do our Patrol

Activity Badge. Stephen: Aw yuk, you’ll get girl germs.

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We’re the Fairies from the Bottom of Your Garden Music: Elaine Shankland Words: Anthony C Wilson

A Intro B We’re the fairies from the bottom, of your garden, But life for us is getting pretty tough, So we’ve come along – we humbly beg your pardon To tell you that we’ve had about enough. Oh, we know that we’re supposed to be delightful As we dance in fairy rings till early morn, But how can we be anything but frightful With that awful fertilizer on your lawn. C We’re the fairies from the bottom, of your garden Each night we used to spread our dainty wings, But now we’ve had a note from the Air Port, To say we need certificates and things. Oh, it’s dreadful to be grounded near your duck-pond, It’s really time you cleaned it, there’s not doubt, For the awful stench that fills the air around it Is enough to knock a little fairy out! D We’re the fairies from the bottom, of your garden, Just where you’ve started lighting smoky fires, Oh, we really think you might have come and warned us: And what about that fence of rusty wires? Out little frocks are very quickly damaged, And with gossamer at fifty cents a yard It’s surely even obvious to a mortal That it really hits a fairy pretty hard. E We’re the fairies from the bottom, of your garden, Just where you throw your tins and broken glass, And we’d have you know that plate you threw last Tuesday Sent poor Tinkerbell a-sprawling on the grass. The kettle that you sacrificed on Friday Caught Puck as he was tying up his shoe; It struck him in the bottom, of the garden Oh, the troubles that we fairy folk go through. F We’re the fairies from the bottom, of your garden, But your garden most profoundly we dislike, We’re sorry, but our hearts we’ve got to harden, Our Fairy Union says it’s time to strike. So we’re leaving all your compost and your rubbish, We’ve had enough of sprains and broken rib, And in future if you say that you’ve got fairies, At the bottom of your garden … it’s a FIB.

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Revolting Rhymes Roald Dahl

The Three little pigs The animal I really dig

Above all others is the pig. Pigs are noble. Pigs are clever, Pigs are courteous. However, Now and then, to break this rule, One meets a pig who is a fool.

What, for example, would you say If strolling through the woods one day, Right there in front of you, you saw A pig who'd built his house of STRAW? The Wolf who saw it licked his lips, And said, 'That pig has had his chips.'

'Little pig, little pig, let me come in!'

'No, no, by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!' 'Then I'll huff and I'll puff 'And I'll blow your house in!'

The little pig began to pray, But Wolfie blew his house away. He shouted, 'Bacon, pork and ham! 'Oh, what a lucky Wolf I am!' And though he ate the pig quite fast, He carefully kept the tail till last.

Wolf wandered on, a trifle bloated. Surprise, surprise, for soon he noted Another little house for pigs, And this one had been built of TWIGS!

'Little pig, little pig, let me come in!' 'No, no, by the hairs on mychinny-chin-chin!' 'Then I'll huff and I'll puff 'And I'll blow your house in!'

The Wolf said, 'Okay, here we go!'

He then began to blow and blow. The little pig began to squeal. He cried, 'Oh Wolf, you've had one meal! 'Why can't we talk and make a deal?' The Wolf replied, 'Not on your nelly!' And soon the pig was in his belly.

'Two juicy little pigs!' Wolf cried, 'But still I am not satisfied! 'I know full well my Tummy's bulging, 'But oh, how I adore indulging.' So creeping quietly as a mouse, The Wolf approached another house, A house which also had inside A little piggy trying to hide.

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But this one, Piggy Number Three, Was bright and brainy as could be. No straw for him, no twigs or sticks. This pig had built his house of BRICKS. 'You'll not get me!' the Piggy cried. 'I'll blow you down!' the Wolf replied. 'You'll need,' Pig said, 'a lot of puff, 'And I don't think you've got enough.'

Wolf huffed and puffed and blew and blew. The house stayed up as good as new. 'If I can't blow it down,' Wolf said, 'I'll have to blow it up instead. 'I'll come back in the dead of night 'And blow it up with dynamite!' Pig cried, 'You brute! I might have known!' Then, picking up the telephone, He dialled as quickly as he could The number of Red Riding Hood.

'Hello,' she said. 'Who's speaking? Who? 'Oh, hello Piggy, how d'you do?' Pig cried, 'I need your help, Miss Hood! 'Oh help me, please! D'you think you could?' 'I'll try, of course,' Miss Hood replied. 'What's on your mind?' ... 'A Wolf!' Pig cried. 'I know you've dealt with wolves before, 'And now I've got one at my door!' 'My darling Pig,' she said, 'my sweet, 'That's something really up my street. 'I've just begun to wash my hair. 'But when it's dry, I'll be right there.'

A short while later, through the wood, Came striding brave Miss Riding Hood. The Wolf stood there, his eyes ablaze And yellowish, like mayonnaise. His teeth were sharp, his gums were raw, And spit was dripping from his jaw. Once more the maiden's eyelid flickers. She draws the pistol from her knickers. Once more, she hits the vital spot, And kills him with a single shot.

Pig, peeping through the window, stood And yelled, 'Well done, Miss Riding Hood!'

Ah, Piglet, you must never trust Young ladies from the upper crust. For now, Miss Riding Hood, one notes, Not only has two wolf-skin coats, But when she goes from place to place, She has a PIGSKIN TRAVELLING CASE.

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Fairy Fling Bruce Clark Adapted by CCGS

(As the FOT lights go up, we see a pair of hairy legs contained in a rather shabby

looking pair of stockings sticking out of an Otto bin, set P tabs. The shabby fairy in question emerges from the bin as we hear the morning music from Swan Lake. When the fairy is out of the bin he turns over the sign attached to it, which reads on the front “No junk mail” and on the back “back in 5 minutes”.)

Fairy: Well! What are you lot laughing at? This is what the New IR Laws make you do.

(punk has entered OP side). Punk: Oi! … Camel thighs. Fairy: (looking at his own figure) shove off! Punk: You know what day this is? Fairy: Who cares? Punk: Ere, you’re supposed to be happy. I mean after all you’re a f… (fairy gags punk

across mouth) Fairy: Don’t say it; you’ll spoil my image down at the football club. Anyway I am

happy; see (produces a forced smile). Punk: Rubbish. Fairy: (looks at bin) I can’t help where I sleep. Now nick off! Punk: Yeah? Fairy: Yeah. Punk: Why should I take orders from a grown up man, dressed in frilly knickers, a

ballet dress and a set of wings, who looks very much like a f …. (fairy gags Punk across mouth, then lifts him over and into the Otto bin head first).

Fairy: Well at least you’ll be at home in your surroundings. Punk: (sticking head out of bin) You wretched rubbish-bin wreck! Fairy: wreck! If I’m a wreck, what are you? Punk: What are you? Fairy: Well I’m a f …. (he realizes what he was about to say, then looks at audience). I

suppose you’re waiting for me to say it, aren’t you? Well I’m not. So pollinate that in your geraniums. (he hits punk with wand then slams like on bin as policeman enters OP side). I’ve had it with this magic want business. Boing, three wishes. Boing, pot of gold, Boing flowers. Boing, butterflies. Only thing that doesn’t get Boinged round here is me. Where’s the justice in that?

Police: Hello, Hello, Hello….

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Fairy: I’m sorry? Police: About what, miss? Fairy: About your stutter. Police: I don’t have one, err miss or is it mister, or are you undecided? Fairy: You said “hello”. Three times! Police: I’m a very friendly person. Fairy: Then either my luck has changed, or he is softening me up to throw the book at

me. (Policeman throws charge book at fairy). Look are you in fact a Policeman? Police: No, I’m a constable. Fairy: What’s the difference? Police: They’re spelt differently. Anyway, I think the more important question round

here Ms, is what you are? Fairy: I’m only discussing that in private. Police: Not with me you’re not. Actually I wanted to ask you, your f… (fairy gags

Policeman) ….yness, if I may call you that, er Miss, Mister, er Ms, or whatever. What is the name of that weapon you have there in your hand.

Fairy: What weapon? Police: Now, Now, Now… Fairy: (aside to audience) Is there an echo in this auditorium? Police: We all know what weapon your f…. (fairy gags Policeman) …yness. That star

shaped eye gouger on the end of that there prehensile proboscis you have right there in your hand.

Fairy: (looks around, then looks at hand) This? It’s a wand. It’s used fro boinging. Police: Of course it is your f…. (fairy gags cop) …yness. And you claim it’s not a

weapon, do you? Fairy: All I do with this is hit people over the head and they go silly. Police: They do, do they? I suppose your going to tell me that you grant wished, and

give out pots of gold as well! Do you really think I’m that stupid? Fairy: No! But somebody’s bound to mention it sooner or later. Police: I’m sorry your f…. (fairy gags cop) …yness, but in view of the grave situation

… (policeman bends over to pick up book. Fairy taps him over the head, harp

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music is heard. Policeman suddenly goes all childish). Oh look a teensy weensy little slug, how cute.

Fairy: Why don’t you take him home, he and your brain could have races – and I bet I

know who’d lose! Police: (getting up & exiting P side) And like at the new green shoots on the pretty trees.

And the twittery birds singing so happily. And the blue sky, with fluffy white clouds … (Policeman wanders off as minister enters OP side).

Fairy: (looking off to policeman) And the bananas, and the nuts, all together in one fruit

cake. (turns around to suddenly face minister). Minister: Pardon me. Do you happen to know if these are rhododendrons? Fairy: (looking at audience) They’re probably Anglicans Father, but I hear the Dean is

very Liberal. Minster: Ho I never discuss Politics. Particularly now with a, er, what are you? Fairy: It’s a conspiracy, isn’t it? You all want me to say it. Well I won’t. I may dress

like one. I may work like one. I might carry on of these like one, but I absolutely refuse to ….. (Bob Hawke enters OP side with 6 other fairies)

Bob: What was that! Fairy: Strike me blue, it’s the boss. Minister: Boss? Boss of what? Fairy: I’m sorry Father, but … (strikes him on head with wand. Harp music is heard). Minister: (Goes all childish and sings) All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great

and small. All things wise and wonderful ….. (exits P side) Akela: (heard off stage) Left, Left, Left, Left… I say, my boy are wondering, what

you are? Fairy: Another one. Akela: Never mind. We’re a bit lost. Could you please tell me where to go? Fairy: (Pausing and thinking better of what he was going to say). Long jump falls is

about five miles up that way and your nervous breakdown is about six cubs away.(he wands Akela. Harp music, she goes childish and sings).

Akela: Down the wide open road we go swinging, Gee it’s great to be young… (exits

with cubs P side). Cub: You’re a Fairy!! Fairy: Oh no, you said it. Cub: Fairy, fairy, fairy…

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50’s All Shook Up

Otis Blackwell and Elvis Presley

A Intro B A well bless my soul What's wrong with me? I'm itching like a man on a fuzzy tree My friends say I'm actin' wild as a bug I'm in love I'm all shook up Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah! C My hands are shaky and my knees are weak I can't seem to stand on my own two feet Who do you thank when you have such luck? I'm in love I'm all shook up Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah! D Please don't ask me what's on my mind I'm a little mixed up, but I'm feelin' fine When I'm near that girl that I love best My heart beats so it scares me to death! E She touched my hand what a chill I got Her lips are like a volcano that's hot I'm proud to say she's my buttercup I'm in love I'm all shook up Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah! F My tongue get tied when I try to speak My insides shake like a leaf on a tree There's only one cure for this body of mine That's to have the girl that I love so fine! G She touched my hand what a chill I got Her lips are like a volcano that's hot I'm proud to say she's my buttercup I'm in love I'm all shook up Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah! I'm all shook up Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah! I'm all shook up Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah! I'm all shook up!

Hound Dog Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller

H Intro I You ain't nothin' but a hound dog cryin' all the time. You ain't nothin' but a hound dog cryin' all the time. Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit

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and you ain't no friend of mine. J When they said you was high classed, Well, that was just a lie. When they said you was high classed, Well, that was just a lie. You ain't never caught a rabbit And you ain't no friend of mine. K You ain't nothin' but a hound dog cryin' all the time. You ain't nothin' but a hound dog cryin' all the time. Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine. L When they said you was high classed, Well, that was just a lie. When they said you was high classed, Well, that was just a lie. You ain't never caught a rabbit And you ain't no friend of mine.

Tutti Fruitti Written by Penniman, LaBostrie

M Wop bop a lu loom op a lop bam boom Tutti frutti unruly Tutti frutti unruly Tutti frutti unruly Tutti frutti unruly Tutti frutti unruly Wop bop a lu loom op a lop bam boom N I got a gal her names Sue She knows just what to do I got a gal her names Sue She knows just what to do I’ve been to the east I’ve been to the west She's the gal that I love best O Tutti frutti unruly Tutti frutti unruly Tutti frutti unruly Tutti frutti unruly Tutti frutti unruly Wop bop a lu loom op a lop bam boom P You’re the one I miss I gotta tell you this Oh, you’re the one I miss And the flavour of your kiss I don’t mean cherry with chocolate chips

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I mean the same flavour of your sweet lips. Q Tutti frutti unruly Tutti frutti unruly Tutti frutti unruly Tutti frutti unruly Tutti frutti unruly Wop bop a lu loom op a lop bam boom

Rock Around The Clock

Max C Freedman and Jimmy Daknight R One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock, rock,

Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock, rock, Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, rock, We're gonna rock around the clock tonight.

S Put your glad rags on and join me, hon,

We'll have some fun when the clock strikes one, We're gonna rock around the clock tonight, We're gonna rock, rock, rock, 'til broad daylight. We're gonna rock, gonna rock, around the clock tonight.

T When the clock strikes two, three and four, If the band slows down we'll yell for more, We're gonna rock around the clock tonight, We're gonna rock, rock, rock, 'til broad daylight. We're gonna rock, gonna rock, around the clock tonight.

U When the chimes ring five, six and seven, We'll be right in seventh heaven. We're gonna rock around the clock tonight, We're gonna rock, rock, rock, 'til broad daylight. We're gonna rock, gonna rock, around the clock tonight.

V When it's eight, nine, ten, eleven too, I'll be goin' strong and so will you. We're gonna rock around the clock tonight, We're gonna rock, rock, rock, 'til broad daylight. We're gonna rock, gonna rock, around the clock tonight.

W When the clock strikes twelve, we'll cool off then, Start a rockin' round the clock again. We're gonna rock around the clock tonight, We're gonna rock, rock, rock, 'til broad daylight. We're gonna rock, gonna rock, around the clock tonight.

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Great Balls Of Fire Jack Hammer and Otis Blackwell

X Intro Y You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain Too much love drives a man insane You broke my will, oh what a thrill Goodness gracious, great balls of fire Z I laughed at love ‘cause I thought it was funny You came along and moved me honey. I changed my mind, this love is fine Goodness gracious, great balls of fire AA Kiss me baby, Oh yo It feels good Hold me baby, I want to love you like a lover should You're fine, so kind I gotta tell the world that you're mine, mine, mine, mine BB I chew my nails and I twiddle my thumbs I’m real nervous but it sure is fun Oh baby, you’re drivin’ me crazy Goodness gracious, great balls of fire CC You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain Too much love drives a man insane You broke my will, oh what a thrill Goodness gracious, great balls of fire DD I laughed at love ‘cause I thought it was funny You came along and moved me honey. I changed my mind, this love is fine Goodness gracious, great balls of fire EE Kiss me baby, Oh yo It feels good Hold me baby, I want to love you like a lover should You're fine, so kind I gotta tell the world that you're mine, mine, mine, mine FF I chew my nails and I twiddle my thumbs I’m real nervous but it sure is fun Oh baby, you’re drivin’ me crazy Goodness gracious, great balls of fire

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Coast and Away Terry Carr

(Scene Caravan Park interior) Sally: Flynn, Can you mind Pippa for me while I go to the Diner? Flynn: Sure Sally, where is she? Sally: She’s in the bedroom. (Flynn exits and returns with a pram adult dressed as baby in it) It’s very hard to find baby actors these days. Flynn: Yeah I noticed. (Scene Beach) Tasha: Robbie, I’m going down to Yabby Creek to see what all the commotion is about Robbie: What are you talking about Tasha? Tasha There’s a lot of tents and people and stuff going on and you know how I like

getting back to nature Rick: There’s definitely something strange going on, It’s probably some sort of cult. Tasha No it’s just a scout jamboree Robbie: No Rick’s right, it’s a cult. (Scene Diner) Alf: G’day Barry how’s it going Barry: Not bad Alf how are you Alf: All right now but before Irene: Clear off you two can’t you see there’s work to be done Barry: Gee she’s a bit on edge Alf: Strewth I think it’s the weather (Scene School) Sally: This School Show fund raiser for the new gym is going to be the best yet. Amanda: Clearly my world class acting skills will succeed in drawing a huge crowd, all

paying to see my assets. Sally: But Amanda this show is for the kids not you Amanda: I know. That’s what I meant; it will be an asset for the school.

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Flynn: She’s up to something Sally: Oh hi Flynn I thought you were looking after Pippa. Flynn: I am I gave her a bottle and she’s sleeping now. (Pippa in pram with large vodka bottle passed out) (Scene Beach) Rick: Tasha where are you going with that surfboard? Tasha: I’m going to join the Scouts, they mentioned something about surfing. Robbie: No they didn’t. They were singing around the campfire Tasha: Well they were singing about it. We’re riding along on the crest of a wave… Cassie: Do you remember Kane Rick: Why do you ask Cassie? Cassie: Well he was a scout and look where he ended up. Robbie: Yeah, another car crash in Headland. (Scene Diner) (Alf looking up) Barry: What’s up Alf? Alf: The roof Barry. Barry: I heard Josh is back in town. Alf: Flamin’ Mongrel he’s up to no good I know it. Irene: That good for nothing is going to be the death of me Morag: Don’t worry Irene I’ve done some investigating and he will bring himself down

in a big way Alf: Come on Morag that mongrel always weasels his way out of everything. Morag: Not this time Alfred. He has got an offer he can’t refuse Irene: I’ll believe that when I see it Morag: Believe me it’s true he’s got a one way ticket to… (Neighbours Theme)

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A Great Deal – Trust Me! Unknown Gang Show

Blackout 1 Customer: Excuse me. Information: Yes? Customer: I’d like to buy an egg flip. Information: An egg flip? Of course sir. Egg flips are in our gardening department. Customer: So where is your gardening department? Information: If you go up the escalators just here, then look on you left as you get on the top. Customer: Up the escalator, on the left. Information: Yes (helpful smile) Customer: Thank you (turns to go) Information: That’s right, on your left at the top of the escalator. Walk past the crystal ware

display, then turn right near the lighting stand. Follow the arrows on the floor until you get to the mirrors by the sporting goods section. There is a fire exit behind the pool cues. Go through there. Follow the corridor to a door marked “beware of the platypus”. Go through and you will find a set of dimly lit stairs. Go up tow flights and behind the fire extinguisher is a key, which will open a secret door just to the right of the light switch. This opens into a broom closet. Wait there until the cleaners come at about 8 o’clock tonight. When they let you out, make your way past the layby counter and, avoid the guard dogs, go to the lifts, down to the basement, wait by the goldfish in the pet section for a man named Brad who will get you an egg flip from behind the counter. I’m glad I could help you (smile fades).

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Simple Melody Ken Bayly

A Play In B Part A Solo There’s a melody keeps running through my brain Never leaving me, this magical refrain Such a simple tune, with me night and noon Why does this melody stay with me everyday? C Part A All Sing D. Part B Solo Why not add some harmony To your magic refrain? You’ll hear soon, your tune In a new harmonious way E. Parts A & B all sing F. Part C Solo I’ll just spread into this simple melody Boom ba boom boom ba ba ba ba ba boom (ba ba) All the rhythm adds completely to this simple melody Ba ba ba ba ba boom ba ba ba ba ba boom ba boom G. Parts A,B & C all sing H. Part D Solo Add a touch of melody to the tune that’s in your brain And you’ll find that this makes your melody all magical again Play around with that simple little tune and you’ll find out very

soon Why that hunting melody stays around everyday I. Parts A,B,C & D all sing J. All sing unaccompanied A,B,C & D K. Last 2 lines with accompaniment

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Yes What Yes, What? Radio 5AD Adelaide

SXF: school bell Teacher: Right well Good morning boys B & S: Goooooood morning Sir Teacher: Good Morning Boys. Teacher: We’ll continue with the French lesson that we started yesterday. Now Kell heure

a teal. Stanford: What sir? Teacher: Kell heure a teal (pronouncing each word slower and louder) Bottomly: Fine sir, are you well? Teacher: Never better, NO, now you listen, don’t you tell me you don’t know what that

means, that’s the only thing we did last lesson. Keller a teal means what time is it? Don’t you remember?

Bottomly: We don’t have to Teacher: Don’t have to, why not? Bottomly: There’s a clock on the wall. Teacher: That doesn’t matter I want to teach you French. Now what is the literal

translation of that? Stanford. Stanford: Err… well I don’t recon I ought to say that sir. Teacher: Listen Stanford, are you just trying to waste our time. Stanford: No sir. Teacher: Well what on earth are you talking about? Stanford: Well my father won’t let me have anything to do with politics. Teacher: Politics, this has got nothing to do with politics. All I want is the literal

translation of Kell heure a teal. Stanford: Well that’s politics. You know literals from labors. Teacher: Literals and labors, there’s liberals and labors Bottomly: Oh yeah I wish I’d thought of that Stanford: That’s right

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Teacher: Look, the literal translation is what hour is it? (Greenbottle walks in)And that’s what we call a French idiom. Oh Green bottle, late again.

Greenbottle: Yeah, but you shouldn’t say that. Teacher: Shouldn’t I, why not Greenbottle: Because I’m not Teacher: What you’re not late Greenbottle: Yes I am, but you shouldn’t say that even if I was early. Teacher: What are you talking about? Greenbottle: You called me a French idiot. Teacher: No I didn’t Greenbottle: Yes you did, just as I came in the door and I’m not a French idiot. Teacher: Aren’t you? Greenbottle: No I’m an Australian idiot. Teacher: I’ve known for years that you’re an Australian idiot. And if you had been here on

time you would have known that what I’d said was a French idiom. So why were you late?

Greenbottle: I had to try and get a job. Teacher: Are you leaving us? Greenbottle: No of course not Teacher: No, no such luck S,G&B: Talk loudly over the top of each other Teacher: (gives B cane, B yells) Serves you right Teacher: Greenbottle unless you can talk sense you keep quiet too. Bottomly: But he hasn’t told you why he was late. B,G,S: all talk Teacher: What’s this about a job Green bottle? Greenbottle: They advertised for a shepardess. So me old man made me go Teacher: Wait a minute if they advertised for a shepardess what’s the use in you going? Greenbottle: Me old man said I’d probably be able to talk them out if it

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Teacher: Talk them out of what? Greenbottle: Havin’ a shepardess. Teacher: You were just wasting your time, if they had wanted a Shepard they would have

advertised for one. Greenbottle: Well the only shepardess that I know, made a mess of it Teacher: Made a mess of it, and who was that ? Greenbottle: Bo Peep Teacher: Bo peep Greenbottle: (sings) Little Bo peep has lost her sheep and doesn’t know where to find them Teacher: Green bottle, oh what’s the use (G gets cane) I don’t know if you boys have

forgotten but this is supposed to be a French lesson, and just look at the time ¾ of the lessen gone and we’ve done nothing.

Greenbottle: Yeah Stanford: Yes sir Teacher: Keep quiet Stanford. Now I’ll give you a sentence and I want you to translate it

into English? Ow ay la Bibliotech, come on now and I want that translated into English. Stanford?

Stanford: Who me sir, I don’t know sir. Teacher: You’ve got no idea? Stanford: No sir Teacher: Alright Bottomly what do you say it is? Bottomly: French Teacher: Alright I know that, but what does it mean? Bottomly: Ow, its somthin about the bible isn’t it? Teacher: No Bottomly it isn’t Bottomly: Ow Teacher: Ow what? Bottomly: Ow what about you havin’ a shot? Teacher: What a good idea. Listen (S gets Cane) serves you right. Green bottle do you

know the meaning of that French sentence?

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Greenbottle: Ok now lets see, who is the…. Teacher: Wrong, you are wrong already Green bottle. Ow does not mean who. Bottomly: Who said? Greenbottle: Who do you think Teacher: Listen (B gets cane) don’t take any notice of him, just go on with your

translation. Greenbottle: Yeah Teacher: And remember ow does not mean who it means where. Greenbottle: Ow yeah, where is Teacher: La bibliotech Greenbottle: The religious detective Teacher: Where is the religious detective. Bottomly: Oh, wacko Stanford: That’s not right Bottomly: You said it had something to do with bibles Teacher: Greenbottle that’s wrong. Bottomly: Sure it’s got something to do with bibles. Teacher: It’s nothing of the sort. And Green bottle it’s got nothing to do with a religious

detective. La bibliotech means the bookcase. Greenbottle: Yes but you’ve seen a bookcase full of bibles Teacher: You do Bottomly: There you go what do I tell you Stanford: I’ve never seen one Greenbottle: ‘Course you do, the religious detective’s got one Teacher: Look if I can’t persuade you there’s not much point in me staying here Stanford: Yes sir Bottomly: Yeah Greenbottle: Na

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S,B,G: No sir Teacher: Well Good morning Boys S,B,G: Goooood Morning Sir Teacher: Good Morning Boys!

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Young Love Words: Sam Bell Music: Michael Ingvarson et alia

A Girl: I’m crazy about him Boy: It’s easy to see Girl: Do you think he’s in love? Boy: I only love me. Girl: He thinks I want weddings and baby showers I’d settle for dinner and lousy flowers. Boy: Sex is confusing I’m not sure what to feel I’m only fifteen so what’s the big deal? Girl: Cleo says “do” Dolly says “don’t” when it comes to the crunch I simply “WON’T”. B It’s beaches in summer, and star in the sky. It’s the rock bottom lows and the ultimate high. Romancing each other we revel in youth Ask one of us if you want the truth – YOUNG LOVE! Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-YOUNG LOVE! C Girl: I’m dancing all night and at parties I mingle Boys are okay but I’d rather be single. Boy: So I meet her family And her dad wants to talk Man to man You know how it is. And it’s all going fine Then he says “lay a hand on my daughter and you’ll have me deal with mate. And I go “Oh great”. D It’s beaches in summer, and star in the sky. It’s the rock bottom lows and the ultimate high. Romancing each other we revel in youth Ask one of us if you want the truth – YOUNG LOVE! Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-YOUNG LOVE! G Girl: His mum wants to know If I can keep him as well as she does. She goes “Can you iron?” And I say “fine” “Can you sew?”

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“Well no” “Can you cook?” and I go “Look – we’re going to the movies, not getting married!” Boy: Do I offer my seat? OR open your door? We New Age men are Confused and unsure H It’s beaches in summer, and star in the sky. It’s the rock bottom lows and the ultimate high. Romancing each other we revel in youth Ask one of us if you want the truth – YOUNG LOVE! Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-YOUNG LOVE! F It’s beaches in summer, and star in the sky. It’s the rock bottom lows and the ultimate high. Romancing each other we revel in youth Ask one of us if you want the truth – YOUNG LOVE! Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-YOUNG LOVE! (Blackout)

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It’s Not Cricket Cumberland Gang Show

(One character has be impediment in his speech – he cannot pronounce his ‘R’s’.

The time is the tea interval and there is something ominous in the air, as one of the home team has been given ‘OUT’. Two of the players who have been watching (Roy & Phillip) enter).

Phillip: Mark my words, Roy, there’s going to be trouble. I knew it as soon as the

Umpire raised his hands. Egbert didn’t like it. He never does when he’s given out. There’s going to be trouble.

Roy: You’re wight, dead wight. There’s going to be trouble. It’s rough to be out first

ball, but it’s weediculous to weesist. Egbert is too weebellious. That’s his twouble, he’s a webbel.

Phillip: He’s a what? Roy: I said he’s a webbel. Phillip: That’s what I thought you said – but it never sound like it. Sshh, here he is. (Enter Egbert) Egbert: That’s the last time I pay for this team. I ain’t playin’ again if Sydney Bright is

the Umpire. He’s got it in for me, so I’m resigning. Phillip: That’s no way to talk, Egbert. Your bails did get knocked off. Egbert: They was blown off. Roy: Weely, Egbert. Wights wight you know. The bails was removed. Perhaps you

weren’t weady to weceive. Egbert: (mocking him) I was perfectly weady to weceive so, I don’t want any more of

you wemarks. He’s had it in for me that Sydney Bright. He wasn’t even looking at the bowler. He was looking across at the Pub to see if it was open.

Charlie: (entering) That was hard luck Egbert. I’ve never seen bails fly so far. They ain’t

found ‘em yet. He was some bowler. Roy: yeah, he was faster then Bwrett Wree. Egbert: I can handle any fast bowler – all I say is that we need a new Umpire. Them bails

fell off. Charlie: But they had to when them stumps fell outa the ground. Egbert: Was you there when it happened? Charlie: No, I was in the Pub. Egbert: Yes, and you was in the Pub yesterday when you was supposed to be fielding on

the boundary.

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Phillip: Well, it’s handy having a Pub on the boundary. Charlie: Anyway, I could see what was going on. If somebody had hit a high one, I could

have swallowed me beer, run out and caught it. Egbert: I suppose the ball would have stayed up in the sky ‘til you got there. Then you

could have looked up and said “you can drop now, I’m here”. Phillip: Egbert, sarcasm becomes on one. Roy: Now, now. That was unnecessary and quite oowellevant. Phillip: Oh, shut up …. And keep quiet. Here comes Sydney. (the Umpire enters) Sydney: That was tough luck, Egbert. Egbert: the tough luck is having YOU for an Umpire. Charlie: Alright Egbert, that’s enough. Let’s have some spirit in the Club. Egbert: I could have made a century today if a certain Umpire hadn’t been cross-eyed.

My batting record speaks for itself. Sydney: Your batting record is like a Farmyard – full of ducks. Roy: That’s what I call good weppartee. Phillip: Weppartee? …. Repartee! Roy: that’s what I said – weppartee. I can’t help it if all my waars are wubbleyous. Don’t you widdicule me you sower-faced stick of woobarb. Charlie: Stop it. What’s come over everybody. It’s the game what matters. Not the

number of runs we make, nor who wins. Sydney: When a man can’t take it “OUT”, then he shouldn’t be “IN” when he’s in. Why

can’t we behave like sportsman and not like a bunch of pigs. Egbert: Don’t you bring my family into this. Sydney: I’ve always been a good friend to you Egbert, and don’t you forget it. Egbert: you’re been a good friend alright, you’ve always been there when you want

something. Charlie: it’s no good, what we want is to get our team spirit back. That’s what we want –

SPIRIT! Phillip: (Licking his lips) Shut up – you’re making me thirsty. Egbert: I’m as good as anybody in this team. Last week I hit eight sixes. Sydney: Yeah – we was playing the Cubs.

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Roy: (To Phillip) Ah, but Egbert’s wight. That last six he hit went wight foo the

Wectory Woof. O-o-oh, was the Wicar filled with wage. Boy, was he in a wage. Charlie: Alright, He was in a wage. Roy: Well wouldn’t you be, with a hole in your Woof. Charlie: Now I don’t think we want to start that all over again. Egbert: I don’t mind having an Umpire who wears glasses, nor one who’s cross-eyed,

but I ain’t going to take anymore decisions from Sydney Bright. Sydney: If the Club ain’t satisfied with m’Umpiring, ask the Vicar to do it. Roy: He’s busy. He’s mending his woof. Charlie: No – No! Not the Vicar. Anybody but the Vicar. Phillip: And what’s wrong with the Vicar? Charlie: Wrong with him? He takes too long over his decisions. Remember the last time

Egbert was clean bowled? The Vicar lifted up his hands and said “Dearly beloved brethren, it grieves me most sadly to see the devastation and havoc caused by the calamity which has befallen our dear brother at the Clubhouse end. Let us all with one accord bow our heads in grief at the destruction of his middle stump. According to the laws and rituals of the game to which we have devoted our lives, let us now commit the body and soul of Egbert Loveridge to the Pavilion, because he’s OUT!

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Annie Musical

Maybe

Intro Maybe far away or maybe real nearby He may be pouring her coffee she may be straightening his tie! Maybe in a house all hidden by a hill She's sitting playing piano; He's sitting paying a bill! Betcha they're young Betcha they're smart Bet they collect things like ashtrays, and art! Betcha they're good -- (Why shouldn't they be?) Their one mistake was giving up me! So maybe now it's time, and maybe when I wake They'll be there calling me "Baby"... Maybe. Dialogue Miss H: Did I hear singing? Now since were all so wide awake you can get up, Scrub the

floors and strip the beds for the laundry man Tessie: But its five o’clock in the morning Miss H: (mocking) But it’s five o’clock in the morning. Get to work Orphans: Yes Miss Hannigan. Miss H: Why any kid would want to be an orphan, I’ll never know. (Annie stomps Miss H foot)

It’s the Hard Knock Life

Intro It's the hard-knock life for us! It's the hard-knock life for us! 'Steada treated, We get tricked! 'Steada kisses, We get kicked! It's the hard-knock life! Got no folks to speak of, so, It's the hard-knock row we how! Cotton blankets, 'Steada of wool! Empty Bellies 'Steada of full! It's the hard-knock life! Don't it feel like the wind is always howl'n?

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Don't it seem like there's never any light! Once a day, don't you wanna throw the towel in? It's easier than puttin' up a fight. No one's there when your dreams at night get creepy! No one cares if you grow...of if you shrink! No one dries when your eyes get wet an' weepy! From all the cryin' you would think this place's a sink! Santa Claus we never see Santa Claus, what's that? Who's he? No one cares for you a smidge When you're in an orphanage! It's the hard-knock life Yes it is It's the hard-knock life Yes it is It's the hard-knock life! Dialogue Bundles: Miss Hannigan, Miss Hannigan, Laundry Man Orphans: Morning Bundles Bundles: Morning Kids clean sheets whether you need them or not. Miss Hannigan…

Hows the prettiest gal south of 14th street. Miss H: Bundles, still full of the same old malarkey. Bundles: Always… See you next time kids Orphans: Bye Bundles. Scene 2 City Street (Police Officer hanging around Street scene packing up Apple: Apples, apples. Two for a nickel. Apples Annie: Excuse me, sir, but could you donate an apple to the orphan’s picnic? Apple: Sure kid. Why not. Nobody’s buying them anyway. Annie: Gee Thanks, Mister. Apple: Say kid, when is the orphan’s picnic? Annie: Soon as I take a bite. (Annie finds a quiet corner to sit and sing)

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Tomorrow Intro The sun'll come out Tomorrow Bet your bottom dollar That tomorrow There'll be sun! Just thinkin' about Tomorrow Clears away the cobwebs, And the sorrow 'Til there's none! When I'm stuck with a day That's gray, and lonely, I just stick out my chin And Grin, and Say, Oh! The sun'll come out Tomorrow So ya gotta hang on 'Til tomorrow Come what may Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya Tomorrow! You're always A day A way! Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya Tomorrow! You're always A day A way! Officer: Gotcha Knock on the orphanage door Officer: We found this one on the streets Miss H: Oh, poor punkin, out in the freezin’ cold with just that thin sweater. Thank you

Officer. Officer: All in the line of duty. Miss H: For what you done I could get fired. Have the board of Orphans stickin’ their

nose in here. Well, you’ll pay for it. I promise. (Puts Annie in closet)(Knock at door)

Grace: Good Afternoon… Miss Hannigan? Miss H: Yes Grace: Oh, Good. I’m Grace Farrell and the Board of Orphans suggested that… Miss H: I can explain everything, You see she got into bundles bag and then the cops…

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Grace: I’m sorry but I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about. Miss H: I get it then. If its beauty products you’re pedlin’ I don’t need any. Grace: Miss Hannigan I’m not “peddling” anything. I’m the private secretary to Oliver

Warbucks. Miss H: Oliver Warbucks? The Millionaire? Grace: No. Oliver Warbucks the billionaire. Miss Hannigan Mr. Warbucks has decided

to invite an orphan to spend two weeks at his home. And I’m here to select one for him.

Miss H: Right… What sort of orphan did u have in mind Grace: Well she should be friendly (Annie waves at Grace) And Intelligent Annie: Mississippi Capital M I double S I double S I double P I Mississippi Grace: And cheerful. (Annie Laughs) Miss H: You shut up. And how old? Grace Say eight or nine. (Annie gestures higher) Grace: Ten… Eleven (Annie gestures stop and points to her hair) Grace: And oh yes a red head. Miss H: No I’m sorry no orphans here like that Grace: What about this child? Miss H: Annie? No no no she’s a drunk and a liar. Grace: Yes I’m sure. Annie would you like to spend two weeks with Mr. Warbucks? Annie: I would love to. Miss H: You can have anyone but Annie Grace: Maybe I should call the board and tell them about bundles and the police. Sign

it! Come along dear Mr. Warbucks Limousine is waiting. Scene Change Warbucks Grace: Everyone this is Annie She will be with us for the next two weeks. Now Annie

what do you want to do first? Annie: The floors. I’ll scrub them then get to the windows. Grace: Annie your our guest you wont have to do any cleaning while you’re here.

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Annie: Really I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here

Intro Cecille will pick out all your clothes Green is her best color, no blue I think. Red Your bath is drawn by Mrs. Greer. Soap...no, bubbles, I think. Annette comes in to make your bed. The silk, no the satin sheets, I think. I think I'm gonna like it here! Used to room in a tomb Where i'd sit and freeze Get me now, holy cow Could someone pinch me please. We've never had a little girl We've never had a little girl I’m very glad to volunteer We hope you understand Your wish is our command I know I'm gonna like it here We know you're gonna like It here Warbucks: Where is everyone? Servants: Sir Grace: Welcome home Mr. Warbucks Warbucks: Has the painting arrived from Paris? Drake: They’re just about to hang it now, sir. Warbucks: Ah, yes. Hmmm. No I don’t think so. (Servants recover painting) Warbucks: WAIT! Something about her smile… Hang it in the bathroom. Mrs. Greer: Yes sir. Grace: Mr. Warbucks, I’d like you to meet… Warbucks: Grace, I’ll need you for dictation. Drake dismiss the staff Drake: Yes sir. Warbucks: Grace, if you’ll get your note book and… who is that? Grace: This is Annie, Mr. Warbucks. The orphan Warbucks: Orphan? Orphans are boys.

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Grace: I’m sorry sir you just said orphan so I chose a girl. Warbucks: Annie Huh? Annie: I’m sorry I’m not a boy sir. Warbucks: I couldn’t be happier that you’re staying with us. (Aside) Grace what are we

supposed to do with this child? Grace: Maybe a movie sir? Warbucks: Would you like to go to a movie Annie? Annie: Gosh, sure Mr. Warbucks, I’d love to. I’ve never been to one. Warbucks: Grace forget dictation take Annie to the movies. Annie: Aw, Gee Warbucks: You don’t want to go Annie. Annie: Its just I thought you were going to take me Warbucks: Me? Well… ahhh… Annie: That’s OK Mr. Warbucks sir, I can see you’re busy. Warbucks: Drake! Coats, were off to the movies. You too Grace. Scene Change Grace: Good Afternoon Scene Orphanage Grace: Good Afternoon, Miss Hannigan Miss H: You’re early, One week. What’s a matter, Warbucks fed up with Annie Already? Grace: Oh, no, on the contrary, Mr. Warbucks is delighted with Annie. In fact he wants

to adopt her. Miss H: Would you excuse me for a moment, please? (Screams behind the door) Grace: If you would just sign these and give them to the board of Orphans, Good Day

Miss Hannigan. Rooster: Oops, pardon me, blondie. Hi Ya sis. Miss H: Rooster? Oh god it never rains it pours. Rooster: Sis I’d like you to meet a friend of mine from… Lily: Jersey City!

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Rooster: Miss Lily St. Regis. Lily: I’m Named after the hotel Miss H: Which floor? Rooster Get out of here I’m not giving you another dime. Rooster: Aw, come on sis Miss H: Not even a nickel for the subway. Rooster: Hey who was the blondie I bumped into? She looked like she had money. Miss H: She works for Oliver Warbucks He’s gonna adopt an orphan. Crummy orphan

livin’ in the lap of luxuary. It ain’t fair Scene Warbucks Warbucks: Grace the package from Tiffany’s Grace: Yes sir Warbucks: Annie, the time has come for us to have a very serious discussion Annie: You’re sending me back to the orphanage, right? Warbucks: Of course not. Now I was in Tiffany’s yesterday and picked this up for you. And

I’ve had it engraved. Annie: For me? Gee thanks, Mr. Warbucks. You’re so nice to me. Warbucks: It’s a silver locket. I noticed that old, broken one you always wear… Annie: No no please don’t make me take my locket off Warbucks: Annie what is it Annie: This locket, my mom and dad left it with me when… when they left me at the

orphanage, with a note saying they would be back… I don’t’ know how to say it… The one thing I want in all the world… is to find my folks.

Warbucks: Annie… it’ll be all right… I’ll find then for you… I’ll find your parents for you. Grace get me the president on the phone Mrs Pugh Get me the chief of police And Drake get me a drink. (general chaos ensues) Drake: Miss Annie, just you see. If there’s anyone who can find your parents, Mr.

Warbucks is the man, cause

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You Won't Be An Orphan For Long If he should need the F.B.I. Then he will have the F.B.I. And ev-ry corner of the globe Will be included in his probe Where other men would call it quits He'll use his fortune and his wits. Cross the street Or cross the sea Annie, sweet We guarantee That, you won't be an orphan -- No, you won't be an orphan for long! (Fade and focus on Annie solo spot) Annie: Golly gosh, Im really gonna be meeting my mother and father, So So maybe now it's time, And maybe when I wake They'll be there calling me "Baby"... Maybe. Curtain

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Annie Act II Musical

Anouncer: 6,7,8 Your On

You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile

A Intro B Hey, hobo man Hey, Dapper Dan You've both got your style But Brother, You're never fully dressed Without a smile! Your clothes may be Beau Brummelly They stand out a mile -- But Brother, You're never fully dressed Without a smile! Who cares what they're wearing On Main Street, Or Saville Row, It's what you wear from ear to ear And not from head to toe (That matters) So, Senator, So, Janitor, So long for a while Remember, You're never fully dressed Without a smile! Bert: Tonight as a special heart tugging treat, From that old heart tugger himself Yours truly Bert Healy I’d like to introduce a little orphan A little orphan named Annie (SFX Door opens and closes footsteps) Wacky: Say, who’s that who just walked into our studio? Johnson: Why it’s none other than that Wall St Tycoon Oliver Warbucks (Applause) Bert: Good evening, Oliver Warbucks Warbucks: Good evening Bert Healy Bert: Oliver Warbucks I understand that you are conducting a coast to coast nation

wide search for Annie’s parents

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Warbucks: Yes Bert Healy I am now conducting a coast to coast nation wide search for Annie’s parents Drop page, Warbucks continues, Furthermore, I’m offering a certified check for fifty thousand dollars to any persons who can prove that they are Annie’s parents.

Wacky: Oh, boy-oh, boy-oh, boy, fifty thousand smackers. Bert: So, Annie’s parents if you’re listening please contact Oliver Warbucks at… Warbucks: Warbucks interrupts… At my home 987 Fifth Avenue, New York City Thank-you, Bert Healy. And Thank you all new Iodent the toothpaste with

miracle K-64 to fight Hali… Hali… Bert: Tosis Warbucks: For letting me talk here this evening. Good Night Bert Healy Drop Page. Did I

just do a commercial? Let’s get out of here I never indorse a product Bert: So for all you listeners out there this is Bert Healy saying… Hey, hobo man Hey, Dapper Dan You've both got your style But Brother, You're never fully dressed Without a smile! Your clothes may be Beau Brummelly They stand out a mile -- But Brother, You're never fully dressed Without a smile! Who cares what they're wearing On Main Street, Or Saville Row, It's what you wear from ear to ear And not from head to toe (That matters) So, Senator, So, Janitor, So long for a while Remember, You're never fully dressed Though you may wear the best You’re never fully dressed without a smile! Hannigan: Did I Hear happiness in here? Orphans: No Miss Hannigan Molly: Annie was on the radio Hannigan: Yeah, I heard it, Now get outta here. (Knock at the door)

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Rooster: Ma’am was you workin’ ‘ere eleven years ago? Hannigan: Yeah, What’s it to ya. Rooster: Well, we had terrible troubles back then. We had to head north and we had to

leave a baby here. On the front stoop. Lilly: Our little girl, Annie. Hannigan: You’re Annie’s parents. Where did you say you were from. Rooster: Up north on a little farm where we have chickens and ducks and roosters

(Crows) Hannigan: Rooster. I never woulda guessed. Rooster: Fooled ya sis. Lilly: And were gonna fool Warbucks too. Rooster: This is gonna be the best bunco job ever. But we need your help sis, we need

details about Annie. Hannigan: What’s in it for me? Rooster: Three way split Hannigan: Half Lily: HALF Lets see what she’s got first. Hannigan: Annie wears a locket around her neck. She says her parents saved the other half

to come and claim her with. Years ago her parents were killed in a fire and the cops brought me all their junk. If Annie’s parents can claim her with that locket so can we

Easy Street

Intro It ain’t fair how we scrounge for three or four bucks When she gets Warbucks. That little brat It ain’t fair this here life is driving me nuts Why should we get peanuts she’s living fat Maybe she holds the key that little lady To getting more bucks loads of more bucks Maybe we’ll fix the game with something shady Where does that put us? Give you one guess Easy Street, Easy Street Where the rich folk play (play all day) Move them feet, Easy Street Better get there soon

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Easy Street, Easy Street Annie is the Key (Yes Sir-ee) Move them feet, Easy Street When you get there stay. Rooster: In and out real quick get the money get the kid and get the hell out of town Lilly: And the kid what do we do with her Rooster: Drop her in a river. Molly: Duffy, Taffy, somebody there gonna do something bad to Annie Duffy: Who is Molly: Miss Hannigan Taffy: Oh my goodness We gotta warn Annie Duffy: Lets go. (Scene Change Warbucks Annie running in) Annie: Did you find them? Grace: I’m sorry Annie. They were all liars and fakes, none of them knew about the

locket. Annie: That’s OK you did the best you could. Warbucks: Annie. How would you like it if I was to adopt you? Annie: Adopt me! Warbucks: Yes or No Annie: If I cant have my real folks then there’s no one in the world I’d rather have for a

father than you, Mr Warbucks. Warbucks: Good its settled Grace. Grace: Yes Sir Warbucks: Do you have those legal papers I gave you the other day. Grace: Yes Sir! Drake: Sir Warbucks: Yes Drake: Two people here to see you sir

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Rooster: Excuse us folks… Mudge is the name Ralph Mudge…Shirley, look. There’s our

Annie. Annie: Who are you? Lily: Honey were your Mom and Dad. Rooster: You see we was sick and broke, and we had a chance to work up north. But we

couldn’t take no baby along. So we had to leave you at the orphanage. Grace: Mr Mudge, We’ve seen a great number of people who’ve… Lily: Look Ralph Annie still has the locket we left with her. See here’s the other half. Annie: I guess I’ll go pack Warbucks: Mr. Mudge, what about the money? Rooster: Money? Well we ain’t got much but we’d be glad to give you whatever… Warbucks: You haven’t heard that I’m offering fifty thousand dollars to anyone who can

prove they are Annie’s parents? Rooster: No Sir we don’t know nothing about no check. Anyway we don’t want no money

were just glad to have Annie back. Lily: But Ralph that money would help us bring up Annie right. (Scene above Annie with suitcase)

Maybe Intro Annie: Silly to cry Nothing to fear Betcha where they live is as nice as right here Betcha my life is gonna be swell Looking at them its easy to tell And maybe I’ll forget how nice he was to me And how I was almost his baby Rooster: Well we best be going Warbucks: It’ll be fine nothing to fear She’ll be as happy as she was here Things have turned out much better than planned It makes you smile when fate takes a hand And I know I’ll forget how much she meant to me And how she was almost my baby. Maybe. Hannigan: Did you get it, did you get it let me see it. You know maybe I better hold it for

safe keeping.

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Lily: Over my dead body. Hannigan: That’s the brightest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Rooster: Ladies Ladies Annie: Mr Warbucks, Mr Warbucks Help!!!! Scene Orphans: Mr Warbucks, Mr Warbucks Warbucks: What Now!! Duffy: Sir we’re friends of Annie Warbucks: Annies gone. Her parents came and took her away. Molly: But they wasn’t her real parents mister they were bad people. Warbucks: Leapin Lizzards Grace get me the President Mrs Pugh Get me the chief of police And Drake Drake: A drink sir? Warbucks: No you fool get out there and look for Annie. Grace: The President Sir Warbucks: Edgar, Warbucks here. Orphan Annie has been kidnapped. I want every G man

east of the Mississippi on this case in the next twenty minuets. Mrs Pugh: Sir it’s the Chief of Police Annie’s been spotted down near the railway bridge. Warbucks: Well then what are we waiting for let go. Scene Change Annie: Miss Hannigan I really gotta go Rooster: You can hold it Annie: Please Miss Hannigan Hannigan: Oh allright (Annie stops on Miss H foot and grabs check runs across stage stopping at pros) Hannigan: Rooster, grab her shes got the cheque. Rooster: Come back here you god damn kid

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Annie: Mr Warbucks is going to eat your livers. (Tearing up cheque) Rooster: I’ll Kill you, I’ll kill you… you little brat. Hannigan: He’s really going to kill her…Rooster Stop…Rooster she’s just a baby. Scene Catwalk (Annie stunt double already hanging from railing) Annie: Help Help Somebody help… Leave me alone (Rooster prises hands from railing Annie drops a bit screaming) Warbucks: Hold on Annie (rushing offstage) (Rooster stops and looks at all the police. Police shoot Rooster. Warbucks lifts Annie to safety

both reappear on stage) Warbucks: Everything is Ok now Annie we’re together again.

I Don't Need Anything But You Intro Together at last! Together for ever! We're tying a knot, They never can sever! I don't need sunshine now, To turn my skies at blue -- I don't need anything but you! You've wrapped me around That cute little finger. You've made life a song… You've made me the singer! And what's the bathtub tune You always "Bu-Bu-Boo?" I don’t need anything but you Yesterday was plain awful You can say that again Yesterday was plain awful But that's, Not now, That's then I'm poor as a mouse, I'm richer than Midas. But nothing on earth Could ever divide us! And if tomorrow, I'm an apple seller, too-- I don't need anything, anything, anything I don't need anything But you Annie: To Annie with love… I love you too Daddy Warbucks

Tomorrow Reprise Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya Tomorrow! You're always A day Away! Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya Tomorrow! You're always A day Away!

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Lamington Ladies Adapted CCGS Music Eminem

A Intro B We are the lamington ladies We slip and we slop and we slurp (Yes we do) We are the most glamorous of ladies With our aprons and sneakers and curls C We cut and we dip and we roll them We treat then with uttermost care (Yes we do) We sprinkle and pat and then we dry them And shove ‘em in a box just for you D Our feet and our hands are really messy The floors in a terrible state (Yes it is) The chocolates oozing through the floorboards But the job that we do is first rate E Our lammos are very inch Australian As true blue as emus and beer (Yes they are) They’ve built every Scout hall we know of So for the lammo let’s cheer – Hooray F Dance Break G We’ve tried chocolates and donuts and cake stalls Garage sales and fetes Yes we have But there’s nothing like an Aussie Lammo With lammos you’ll always have mates H But where are all the willing helpers Out there in their kitchens alone All alone Oh come and join our dwindling numbers To stop us from getting the groans I We are the lamington ladies We slip and we slop and we slurp (Yes we do) We are the most glamorous of ladies With our aprons and sneakers and curls J Play out

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Interview With A Vampire Rob Lang

(Interviewer, with microphone, doing a live radio cross to interview count

Dracula, at his castle). Voice: (Prerecorded) And now we’re crossing live to our correspondent Fitz Likerglove

in Count Dracula’s castle in downtown Transylvania. Fitz: I am here at the door of Vampire Castle, about to press the doorbell (sound fx on

knocking, heavy footsteps walking) Count: (Squeeking door sound fx) Good evening! Ah, you must be the young man who

has come for a bite … of dinner? Fitz: No, just an interview Count. May I ask, how are things in Transylvania at the

moment? Count: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I’m overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood

bank. Fitz: I understand. Count, those banks are a bunch of blood sucking bar … what am I

saying? I mean, Count, as a vampire, it must be difficult making friends? Count: Yes, it’s a pain in the neck!. I once had a ghoul-friend, but I loved her in vein. Fitz: So you have never married? Count: No, I a bat-chelor. Fitz: I can imagine there are some downsides of dating a vampire? Count: Sure, there is the obligatory blood test to see if she is my type. But think of the

advantages you get to stay out late. I love necking. I never come home with garlic breath, and I don’t snore – I sleep like the dead. Of course, I tend to giggle at funerals, but nobody’s perfect.

Fitz: So now you are a lovesick vampire? Count: Yes, I have given up ghouls and become a neck-romancer. I love necks and who

cares if I have bat breath. Fitz: I understand you have had many occupations over the centuries? Count: Of corpse. Ever since I died it has been hard making a living. But at one time I

used to run my own bodybuilding club. Fitz: Oh you mean weights, and jogging and all that. Count: No, I mean bodybuilding – I build you a new body piece by piece. I’ll get you

arms like Arnie Swarznegger or a torso like Van Damm, or the face of Michael Jackson …

Fitz: Nobody wants to be that scary. Did you have a lot of people working for you?

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Count: No just a skeleton staff. Fitz: I see bare bones operation? Was it very expensive? Count: Sure. It cost an arm and a leg. But I never made any money, it was like trying to

get blood out of a stone, so to speak. So I decided to become an actor. Fitz: Why did you take up acting? Count: It was in my blood. But I eventually had to give it up. Fitz: Why was that? Count: I couldn’t find a part I could get my teeth into. Fitz: I understand that you now want to become a comedian? Count: Yes. I’m looking for a crypt writer, any suggestions. I like jokes – the morgue

the merrier. Fitz: So Count Dracula, without belaboring the obvious, do you have a favourite

hobby? Count: Yes, In-grav-ing. Fitz: Of course! And your favourite food? Count: Anything but a stake sandwich. Eye of newt and wing of bat. Fitz: (Aside) Sounds like Gang Show catering is at it again. Count: As long as it is in bite-sized pieces. Fitz: And for our sponsors, what’s Dracula’s favourite coffee? Count: De-coffinated what else? Silly question. Fitz: And now for my last question Count. What would be the number one complaint

of modern-day vampires? Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Garlic tablets? Getting unleaded coffins?

Count: No, three words: Daylight Savings Time, Aagh! It even fades the velvet lining on

your coffin. (Pause) Thank goodness for Queensland – vampire heaven. Fitz: (looking puzzled) And thank you Count. If any of our listeners would like to join

the Dracula Fan Club please send you name, address and blood group care of this station. This is Fitz Likerglove signing out (Howling wind and wolf howls).

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It’s Halloween Hugh Twaddle and Beth Dunne

A Intro B Witches, Goblins and creatures of the night, all together what a sight. We all go out having lots of fun, That’s our scene – called Halloween. Trick or treating giving great cheer, we do it ev’ry y-e-a-r! F Ghosts spooks and owls, hoot in, the trees Black bats are hanging all among the leaves Pumpkin’s glowing, their candles are giving off light For it’s our Halloween night. G Witches, Goblins and creatures of the night, all together what a sight. We all go out having lots of fun, That’s our scene – called Halloween. Trick or treating giving great cheer, we do it ev’ry y-e-a-r! H Ghosts spooks and owls, hoot in, the trees Black bats are hanging all among the leaves Pumpkin’s glowing, their candles are giving off light For it’s our Halloween night.

Graveyard Rock

Ken Bayly

A Intro B Now come and listen to us all you mortals here Our Strange appearance you’ve no cause to fear For we have come to take you to a sight you’ll find most queer Just come along with us and we will guarantee You’ll see the strangest sight there is to see For now’s the time the spirits rock and roll To the dead bones symphony C They do the graveyard rock and the tombstone roll They really liven up that old unearthly hole Tonight’s the night they’ll be on the spree It’s the dead bones symphony Oh when the clock strikes two and the moon is new It seems the ghostly rock and rolls the thing to do Come on with us and you will see it’s the dead bones symphony Oh no they’re not lazy They just go crazy Although they’re hazy they’re as fresh as a daisy When it’s time to rock and roll Come on and creep and sweep right away your sleep You’ll find you’ll want to reap and keep that sweet deep beat And soon you’ll find your dancing feet In the dead bones symphony The dead bones symphony

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Vampire Tango

Rob Lang and Adam Wardell A I am the Count, and 123, I like to count incessantly, And bite a neck or two a day, In Count Dracula’s hideaway. B A Vampire’s job is never done. From dusk to dawn we have our fun. The hours suck, but we love the pain. For, our work is not in vein. C We’re gonna move and groove, like flying bats, Till the sun comes up at dawn. We’re gonna take you back to our Transylvania castle in the morn. We’re gonna fly, we’re gonna sing, Until we’re batty, come let’s go! For that’s the way we do it, In the Vampire’s Tango. D Oh Type O, my favourite drink Like pink champagne or so I think It makes me crave just a little snack I want a haemophiliac E Just count the days till next full moon T’will be our anniversary soon I’ll dance away, all the night with you In a coffin built for two F We’re gonna move and groove, like flying bats, Till the sun comes up at dawn. We’re gonna take you back to our Transylvania castle in the morn. We’re gonna fly, we’re gonna sing, Until we’re batty, come let’s go! For that’s the way we do it, In the Vampire’s Tango. G We’re gonna move and groove, like flying bats, Till the sun comes up at dawn. We’re gonna take you back to our Transylvania castle in the morn. We’re gonna fly, we’re gonna sing, Until we’re batty, come let’s go! For that’s the way we do it, In the Vampire’s Tango.

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I’m On My Way Lyrics: Alan Jay Lerner Music: Frederick Loewe

A Pack your bag and pack your kit And rosin up your bow Don’t know where we’re goin’ But jee-pers, here we go

B Where’m I goin'? I don't know

Where am I headin'? I ain't certain All I know is I am on my way

When will I be there? I don't know When will I get there? I ain't certain All that I know is I am on my way

C Gotta dream boy Gotta song

Paint your wagon And come along D Where’m I goin'? I don't know

When will I be there? I ain't certain What will I get? I ain't equipped to say But who gives a damn? We're on our way!

E Where’m I goin'? I don't know

Where am I headin'? I ain't certain All I know is I am on my way

When will I be there? I don't know When will I get there? I ain't certain All that I know is I am on my way

F Gotta dream boy Gotta song

Paint your wagon And come along G Where’m I goin'? I don't know

When will I be there? I ain't certain What will I get? I ain't equipped to say But who gives a damn? We're on our way!

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Bigger Than Texas David Spencer and Mark Fisher

A In the whole south-west, they don’t come any bigger. Cattle rustlin’ makes you itchy on the trigger. Dallas sure is a town to behold. Rich by the heads of the stock that’s sold. In the whole south-west, they don’t come any bigger. The saloon bar girls have might pretty figures. Y’all come out, and we’ll make a date. There’s nothing bigger than the Lone Star State. B Out in the west, life sure is tough With shoo-outs daily, it’s awful rough Fort Worth Texas is the place to be, Unless you wanna join up with the calvary. But when it comes to shoot-outs, there ain’t no fuss Cause there ain’t nothing wilder than old Texas. C In the whole south-west, they don’t come any bigger. Cattle rustlin’ makes you itchy on the trigger. Dallas sure is a town to behold. Rich by the heads of the stock that’s sold. In the whole south-west, they don’t come any bigger. The saloon bar girls have might pretty figures. Y’all come out, and we’ll make a date. There’s nothing bigger than the Lone Star State. D Beans every day, just ain’t fair. Give us cowboys a certain air. On Saturday night, we go to town. That’s the night the Sheriff ain’t around. A round of poker, a jug of beer, Results in a rustler’s night of cheer. E In the whole south-west, they don’t come any bigger. Cattle rustlin’ makes you itchy on the trigger. Dallas sure is a town to behold. Rich by the heads of the stock that’s sold. In the whole south-west, they don’t come any bigger. The saloon bar girls have might pretty figures. Y’all come out, and we’ll make a date. There’s nothing bigger than the Lone Star State. F In the whole south-west, they don’t come any bigger. Cattle rustlin’ makes you itchy on the trigger. Dallas sure is a town to behold. Rich by the heads of the stock that’s sold. In the whole south-west, they don’t come any bigger. The saloon bar girls have might pretty figures. Y’all come out, and we’ll make a date. There’s nothing bigger than the Lone Star State.

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Frontier Mortician Hurd and Osmond

Compere: The makers of Fatrical present (MUSIC) Frontier Mortician. Are you skinny and

run down? Are you so thin that you have to wear skis in the bathtub to keep you form going down the drain? When you turn sideways and stick out your tongue, do you look like a zipper? When you drink raspberry cordial, do you look like a thermometer? Then you need Fatrical – the drink that adds weight. Fatrical is not a capsule, it is not a solid, it is not a liquid – it’s a gas. Fatrical comes in one delicious flavour – Mustard. Now for our story – Trigger Mortiss, Frontier Mortician. (MUSIC)

(The scene opens in the residence of Sam Alamode, the owner of the Bar-B-Que

Ranch in Short Rib, Texas. Sam is dying, and talking to his lovely daughter Piney Alamode whom he lovingly calls Pie.)

Sam: Pie honey, I’m dying again. Go call Trigger Mortiss the Frontier Mortician. Pie: What’s wrong with you daddy? What’s your ailment? Sam: I swallered a thermometer and I’m dying by degrees. Pie: I’ll go call trigger Mortiss right now. (Unknown to those inside, Joe Silver, the head foreman is hiding outside

listening to the conversation. He is a full-blooded Indian) Joe: (to himself) Let old Sam die. I whish he would. Then I can get the ranch and be

set for life. He always got some fool disease. Last week he swallowed a hydrogen bomb and had atomic ache. Here comes Pie Alamode’s stupid boyfriend, Arnie. Poor kid … he’s an orphan … little orphan Arnie. (Joe sneaks away)

Arnie: I haven’t seen my girlfriend Pie Alamode for two weeks. By, she has lovely eyes

… one is blue and the other two are green. Hello honey – and I call you honey because you’ve got hives.

Pie: Oh my cookie – and I call you cookie because you’re so crummy. Compere: (Music) We interrupt this love scene to bring you a message from Peter Pan

Makeup. Use Peter Pan before Pan Peters out. This is the makeup used by all stars – Lassie, Skippy and The Incredible Hulk. Listen to this letter (produces letter) from Mrs. Mergatroid Foghorn. “My face was so wrinkled that I had to screw my hat on. Then I used Peter Pan Makeup and I don’t look like an old lady anymore … I look like an old man. I give all the credit to Peter Pan”. You can be beautiful too. Now, back to Frontier Mortician.

(Phone rings. Phone is next to coffin on OP which opens. Trigger sits up and

answers phone. Follow spot on trigger) Trigger: Oh, it’s you Miss Pie Alamode. You want me to come and see your father? Yes,

well, my hearse has been give me trouble. I think I blew a casket. I’ve got to stop using embalming fluid in the gas thank because the motor keeps dying. Yes, I’ll come straight away.

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(Back at the house, Pie and Arn are talking) Arnie: darling, may I have you hand in marriage? Pie: My hand? Oh yes, in fact you can have all of me. (she thrusts herself towards

him) Arnie: Here, I’ll put this ring on your finger. Pie: Aww your face is turning red. Arnie: Yeah, and your finger is turning green. Pie: I never thought you’d ask Arnie. We’ve been going together for twelve years. Arnie: What did you expect, a pension? Compere: (Music) This program is brought to you by the Double Inanity Insurance

Company. Mothers do you have children? We pay $100,000 if you son is killed by a herd of elephants whilst on a scout camp. If you lose an arm, our expert investigators will help you look for it. If you get hit on the head we’ll pay you in one lump sum. Now back to our story. Joe Silver is planning to kidnap Pie Alamode and hold her for ransom. He thinks that Sam Alamode is dying but he really isn’t.

(Trigger Mortiss arrives at the farm) Trigger: Well, here I am. When you are at deaths door, I’ll pull you through. Sam: Good to see you Trigger. Can you give me a good funeral? Trigger: I’ll give you a good funeral or your mummy back. Sam: I’m a sick man, a sick man. The doctor told me to drink my medicine after a hot

bath, and I can hardly finish drinking the hot bath. Trigger can I trust you? Trigger: Of corpse, of corpse, have I ever let you down? Sam: I don’t trust my faithful Indian companion Silver. He has a sneakly look. Trigger: I happened to hear Joe planning to kidnap your daughter to keep her from

marrying little orphan Arnie, so that he can get hold of your ranch. Sam: Where did you hear that? Trigger: Oh, I just happened to dig it up. Sam: We’ve gotta do something Trigger. Think of a plan. Compere: (Music) Will trigger Mortiss think of a plan? While he thinks we have time for a

word from Honest John Pendergast, the used car dealer. Honest John has a bargain you can’t miss. Down at his yard he has a 1778 Essex … a true discovery ... driven by Captain Cook before he set sail for the South Seas. The

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tyres are so flat that when you knock someone down you flog them to death. Now back to our story. Sam, Arnie and Trigger are trying to figure out how to get rid of Joe Silver.

Sam: All this figuring has given me a splitting headache. Trigger: Have your eyes been checked? Sam: No, they’ve always been blue. Trigger, shy don’t we put Joe in that casket there

and ship him out. Trigger: A tisket a tasket, we’ll put him in a casket. I was in love once so I know what Pie

and Arnie are going through. Pie: You were in love? (Arn is looking out the window for Joe) Trigger: Yes, I was stuck on a girl in a glue factory. She had a schoolyard complexion,

with diplomas under her eyes. Those lips, those teeth, that hair, that eye … Arnie: Hey! Here comes Joe. Get your coffin ready Trigger. Pie: Daddy lay down and act like your dead. Hold your breath. (Compere rushes on,

breathless) Compere: (Music) At this breathless moment we wish to remind you … there’s not need to

have a drink for the road, the road is already laid out. And now …. Back to the story.

(As Joe enters the room, all the others, except Sam, hide) Joe: So you’ve finally died Sam Alamode. You’ve cut my pay cheques so many times

that I have to endorse it with mercurochrome. I’m going to marry your daughter and now nobody can stoop me.

Sam: Get him Arnie. Trigger: Quick, I have the casket open. Push him Arnie. (Arnie pushes Joe and he falls into the casket, as they close the lid…) Joe: Help… Help… you’re pushing. (Muffled groans as the lid closes) Trigger: That takes care of him. Now have to run for a body. A fellow in town swallowed

a quart of varnish. He had a lovely finish. Arnie: Why, how can we ever thank you? You’ll be at the wedding? Trigger: Yes, I plan to give you a tombstone. Sam: Thanks for all you’ve done Trigger. We’ll have a game of golf together. Trigger: Don’t ever play golf with an Undertaker. He’s always on top of the last hole.

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Stomp

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Synchronized Swimming Michael Flarety, Scott Kimpton and T Cambell

(As “A” curtain open we see the swimmers Practicing movements, changing,

using lockers, general Chit Chat. Masseur massaging one of the swimmers. Coach enters and gets the swimmers attention).

Coach: (About to explode) The pool has been double booked! All Swim: (All at once) But Coach this is our last rehearsal before the championships. What

are we going to do? Coach: (Through his teeth) The pool has been double booked. All Swim: (General chatter among swimmers. ALL SAY AT ONCE). But Coach this is our last rehearsal before the championships. What are we going

to do? Coach: There’s nothing I can do. We just can’t use the pool. Swim A: So I suppose they’ve drained the pool for the National Skateboarding contest. Swim B: Either that or they’ve lacquered it to use as a veladrome. Swim C: I bet the oldies aqua aerobics group is using it. Coach: Look all I know is that we can’t use it so we will just have to rehearse here. Swim D: Here!!! (General noise from other swimmers, eg. Complaining and whingeing). Swim E: Coach, Fellow Team Members, Mr. Masseur, Mr Cleaner, we, as the one and

only junior synchronised swimming team, we shall not splash or sink. We shall go on to the end of the championship. We shall practice in the sea and ocean, we shall practice on the beaches, we shall practice on dry land and the Institute of Sport if it need to be, but we will never surrender of title.

All Swim: (Cheer and become excited) Coach: Positions! (Then walks, struts over to tape player – very proudly says) That’s my team. (starts music – Swimmers take off robes to reveal costumes) All Swim: (General line movement – dance) (Interruption 1) Mother F: (Stops music and says) I can’t continue, it just doesn’t feel right. I need my

swimming cap. All swimmers agree, coach picks up a bucket and hands out the swimming caps).

Coach: Okay, can we continue, time is precious (Re-starts music) All Swim: (split into 2 groups and circle work and lifts). Swim G: (Blurts out whilst stopping music)

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(Interruption 2) Swim G: It’s just not good enough, I need my nose peg.(All swimmers agree Coach hands

out pegs and Re-starts music) All Swim: (Dance dramatic movements using tramps, vaulting horses, etc) (Interruption 3) Swim H: (Trembling, Stuttering) I’m terrible sorry but I just can’t go on without my

goggles and ear plugs. (All swimmers agree) Coach: (Hands out goggles and ear plugs and swimmers put them on. Very annoyed and

yelling). Is there anything else you bunch of women? All Swim: (Can’t hear what Coach says, takes off ear plugs and everyone else has a

problem). Coach: (Very angry) You will finish this rehearsal now without any more complaints. All Swim: (Get back into the rehearsal and finish in a pyramid type). Mother A: Come on Child its time to go.(Child puts hand out and causes the pyramid

structure to fall. Coach covers his eyes, buries his head and cries. Noises from team).

BLACKOUT

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Search for the Fifth Wiggle Annette Darmody

Four wiggles on stage with Jeff asleep. All try to wake Jeff up, but fail.

W1: (To audience) Will you please help me wake Jeff up. All together now, when I count to three, one two three! WAKE UP JEFF. Sorry, but you need to yell a little louder, ready, one two three! WAKE UP JEFF. Oh it’s not use, (thinking), I know, maybe if we sing a song, lets sing “Hot Potato”

Hot Potato Manager: Stop! Stop! Stop! It’s not working. You don’t seem to have what it takes any

more – you need a new angle. (thinking) walking up and down stage. I know, what about a new member – someone interesting and fresh. All the major Music groups have had 5 members, like Hi 5 – The Rolling Stones, The Bay City Rollers, (all groan). We need to start some auditions, I’m sure we’ll find some talent here in Gang Show …

A teddy runs on stage, dancing and miming – all look puzzled – The Manager shoos him off – Let’s get started … who do we have first?

Mr Squiggle: I’m here for the audition… I’m very experienced… I’ve had many years in the Business… I can draw with my nose… I can talk to the blackboard… I’m Mr. Squiggle.

W3: We don’t need a squiggle – we need a Wiggle! Next please.

W2: Next! (Tap dancer comes out dancing) W1: What are you doing?

Tap Dancer: I’m a tap and I can dance. (W2 escorts her off stage). W1: Next! (Steve Irwin comes out)

Steve Irwin: Crikey you lot look like a strange species, but I’m always on for a new challenge. I hear you’re looking for a new member who can interest and entertain children….Well I’m your man….Children love my shows…I can dance (awkward movement) and sing (a wiggles verse in monotone).

(Three wiggles shrug and shake their heads). W2: (clustered to one side like a huddle) Look – he might not be much of a mover,

but he is a big star – children do seem to like him – I thing we should make him the fifth wiggle. All agreed. (Walking back to Steve Irwin) Well, thank you Mr. Irwin, on behalf of the Wiggles I’d like to offer you the job! (Shakes hand and while others are shaking hands, back slapping etc W2 goes and gets a white skivvy) Now, here is your new uniform (holds up skivvy).

Steve Irwin: Crikey…I’m not wearing that!

W2: We could get you one in a nice shade of Khaki! Steve Irwin: No thanks mate – I’m outta here!

W3: Next! Manager: (walk in holding mobile phone to ear) Yes, yes, fantastic, great, OK….Hey fellas

I’ve just heard – we’ve got another big star coming for an interview – he’s Very popular with the kids – he can sing and dance – its Eminem! (person in smartie costume comes out. They all look puzzled. The manager looks embarrassed, goes over to look more closely at him).

W4: You’re not Eminem! (smartie nods yes).

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Manager: Now don’t be too harsh – he may look a little shy, but I think he’s starting to come out of his shell.

W4: This is NOT Eminem! Manager: But he looks like a real sweet guy!

W4: I think he’s just trying to be a smarty! Next! W2: Who’s next on our list?

Manager: It just says Wally…. W2: Well than, Where’s Wally? All look around calling Wally.

Wally: Here I am! W2: Oh, I’m sorry – we can’t have you. Wally: Why not?

W2: Well, we travel around the world…. Wally: Yes I can do that….

W2: To many different locations…. Wally: Yes, I’ve been to many different places, haven’t you seen my books?

W2: And children stare at us…. Wally: Me too!

W2: But we get mobbed by screaming adoring crowds…. Wally: I don’t mind….

W2: You would definitely be no good, you get lost in crowds. Next! Teddy bear run on stage – does some funny dance movements – Wiggles chase him around the

stage and off. While they’re off, Aussie comes on and sings Advance Australia Fair. Wiggles return, looking frustrated and Aussie looking as if she’s been caught out, exits quickly.

W3: Could we please have someone who has some MUSICAL talent?

(Instrumentalist walks on covered in instruments). W3: Now sir/madam, can you play these instruments?

(Instrumentalist picks one instrument at a time and plays it). Wiggles all look impressed. W3: That’s great – now show us how you can dance.

(tries to dance but instruments get in the way. Wiggles shake their heads. Next! (Bob the Builder walks on and starts the audience singing, “Bob the Builder, can he fix it, Bob

the Builder, yes he can” Bob bows. W1: Well Bob, obviously you are already popular with the children. Can you dance?

Bob: No. W1: Can you sing?

Bob: No. W1: Can you play a musical instrument?

Bob: No. W1: Well, what can you do?

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Bob: I can fix things – if your stage falls apart, I’m your man, I can build things and fix things.

W1: But Bob, we’re looking for a fifth Wiggle…. Bob: I wriggle a lot when I hit may thumb with my hammer!

W1: Have you had any experience working with any other megastars like us? Bob: Oh yes – I’ve worked with the CARPENTERS, COLD CHISEL, MC

HAMMER…. W1: Let’s ask the audience….Bob the Builder, will we choose him? Audience sing

(cue cards held up for audience) Bob the Builder, No we won’t” Next! (Teenage Mutant Ninga Turtle walks out with girl on his back). W2: Who are you?

TMNT: I’m a teenage mutant ninja turtle! ….I’m on television… They wrote books about me….

W2: And what’s that on your back? TMNT: Oh – that’s Mi shell!

W2: Next! Harry Potter: Harry Potter at your service.

W3: Now Harry, we told you before – You can’t sing, dance or play an instrument – you really should stay inside your book. What could you possible do to improve Our image?

Harry Potter: I can do magic!

W3 Good, then try this – DISAPPEAR! (Teddy runs on again, dances around and then runs off again).

Kath: (to audience) Look a moi…(to Wiggles) look at moi…look at moi….I’ve got one word to say to you….FORMATION….yes you four have the perfect FORMATION – you don’t need five, four is the perfect number for a bond…look at all the great bands who had 4 members – The Beatles – ABBA – The Monkeys … be happy with what you’ve got….you’re mega stars just as you are….

Manager: Come on fellas, Kath is right. Let’s get into FORMATION and show the world how great you are….

(Wiggles line up, looking proud. Teddy runs on behind them and starts copying them as they dance…(sing Rock a bye your bear)….audience join in. Wiggles then see Teddy and Chase him off. He runs back on speaking on mobile.

Teddy: Great thanks (hangs up).

(Wiggles run back on looking very angry). Teddy: Don’t worry fellas – I’m outa here – I just got my FIRST choice – a job with the

Banana in Pyjamas! See ya!

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The Four Scouters Monty Python Adapted CCGS

Four men sitting together at a Baden Powell Guild meeting dressed in uniform.

A piece of classical music being played in the background. Scouter 1: Ahhh.. Very passable, this, very passable. Scouter 2: Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de Leaders lemonade, ay fella’s? Scouter 3: You're right there mate. Scouter 4: Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking leaders’

lemonade? Scouter 1: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a billy o' tea. Scouter 2: A billy o’ COLD tea. Scouter 4: Without milk or sugar. Scouter 3: OR tea! Scouter 1: In a filthy, cracked cup. Scouter 4: We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up bit o’

bark. Scouter 2: The best WE could manage was to suck on someone’s damp scarf. Scouter 3: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor. Scouter 1: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Leader used to say to me, "Money

doesn't buy you happiness." Scouter 4: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to camp in this

tiiiny old tent, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof. Scouter 2: TENT? You were lucky to have a TENT! We used to camp under one tarpaulin,

all hundred and twenty-six of us, no stretchers. Perched on the side of a cliff; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING!

Scouter 3: You were lucky to have a TARRPAULIN! *We* used to have to camp in a lean

to ! Scouter 1: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of campin' in a lean to! Woulda' been a palace to us.

We used to camp in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! TENT!? Humph.

Scouter 4: Well when I say "tent" it was only a hole in the ground covered by a Hessian

bag, but it was a tent to US. Scouter 2: The guides moved into *our* hole in the ground; we had to go and camp in a

lake!

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Scouter 3: You were lucky to have a LAKE! There were a hundred and sixty of us camping

in a small patrol box in the middle of a dirt track. Scouter 1: Wooden box? Scouter 3: Aye. Scouter 1: You were lucky. We camped for three months in a brown paper mess kit in a

sewer pit. Skip used to wake us up at six o'clock in the morning, have us clean the mess kit, eat some of skips pea & ham soup, go and do bob a job for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got back to camp, out Leader would thrash us to sleep with his belt!

Scouter 2: Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning,

clean the lake, eat a handful of hot embers, go and do bob a job every day for a badge a month, go back to camp, and Skip would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!

Scouter 3: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the patrol box at twelve

o'clock at night, and LICK the dirt track clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold embers, doing bob a job twenty-four hours a day for a badge every six years, and when we got back to camp, our Skip would slice us in two with a bread knife.

Scouter 4: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I

went to bed, (pause for laughter), eat a lump of cold poison, do bob a job twenty-nine hours a day, and pay skip for permission to do bob a job, and when we got back to camp, Skip would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."

Scouter 1: But you try and tell the young scouts today that... and they won't believe ya'. All: Nope, nope.

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Finale Clap Along

Dennis Buttler and Mark Fisher A Come on and – clap your hands with us, Come a-long and join with us, For we’ve sure had fun to-gether here to-night. So lift your – voices now and sing, Come on now and show a grin, And remember that it won’t be long, ‘Til we are back again. So now we – have to end the Show, Very soon we all must go, But ’07’ is just around the bend, And we all hope that through out the year All our songs will bring you cheer, So let us all be happy let’s be bright, As we all part and say good night.

Scouts And Guides Of Australia Words & Music: Ken Bayly

B Introduction C The time to end our show has come ‘round once again And just before we take our final bow We just want to remind you of who we really are Despite the many characters we play D We’re the Scouts & Guides of Australia Every single one in the show That’s the secret of every Gang Show That’s the reason why we’re here to tell you Every time we sing our finale We want to make it clear That we wear our uniform so proudly Scouts and Guides of Gang Show

This Land Of Australia

Words & Music: Ken Bayly

E Introduction F Land dormant for endless years Land woken by pioneers Strong in their quest for a new tomorrow, on they toiled 'Cross rivers and mountain range, Then over the rolling plain, building The nation we love G This land of Australia, this land of ours Built into nationhood by bold pioneers. We pray that thy people, ever may be,

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A nation worthy of service to thee. Proud of their heritage thy sons may be So may their future be great and free. May truth be her watch-word, Peace be her way, That every nation may honor her name.

Together

Words & Music: Ralph Reader

H Introduction I Together, when we’re all together We know how lucky we are The world around us is everything, The sound of music, the songs we sing, And even in the coldest winter, The warmest summer arrives, We share together, when we’re together The best years of our lives.

Simple Melody

Ken Bayly J Parts A,B,C & D all sing K All sing unaccompanied A,B,C & D L All sing – last 2 line of every chours

Great Balls Of Fire Jack Hammer and Otis Blackwell

M You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain Too much love drives a man insane You broke my will, oh what a thrill Goodness gracious, great balls of fire

Bigger Than Texas David Spencer and Mark Fisher

N In the whole south-west, they don’t come any bigger. Cattle rustlin’ makes you itchy on the trigger. Dallas sure is a town to behold. Rich by the heads of the stock that’s sold. In the whole south-west, they don’t come any bigger. The saloon bar girls have might pretty figures. Y’all come out, and we’ll make a date. There’s nothing bigger than the Lone Star State.

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Vampire Tango Rob Lang and Adam Wardell

O I am the Count, and 123, I like to count incessantly, And bite a neck or two a day, In Count Dracula’s hideaway. P We’re gonna move and groove, like flying bats, till the sun comes up at dawn. We’re gonna take you back to our Transylvania castle in the morn. We’re gonna fly, we’re gonna sing, until we’re batty, come let’s go! For that’s the way we do it, in the Vampire’s Tango.

It’s the Hard Knock Life Martin Charnin & Charles Strouse

Q It's the hard-knock life for us! It's the hard-knock life for us! 'Steada treated, We get tricked! 'Steada kisses, We get kicked! It's the hard-knock life! R Got no folks to speak of, so, It's the hard-knock row we how! Cotton blankets, 'Steada of wool! Empty Bellies 'Steada of full! It's the hard-knock life! S It's the hard-knock life Yes it is It's the hard-knock life Yes it is It's the hard-knock life!

Bows Disco Tex

Wonderful Life

Ralph Reader T Introduction U Out in rain boys, or out in the snow Out in the sunshine wherever you go There’s one thing all we fellows know Gee it’s a wonderful life Whether in highlands or down in the dale Over the river and onto the vale We hike along the rainbow trail, Gee it’s a wonderful life.

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V When you’re out about in Scouting you’re as happy as a king If you’re tracking in the meadow or a bird upon a wing In the autumn or the winter, or the summer or the spring It’s a most remarkable thing Out with the Gang boys, and journeying to Lands of adventure a-waiting for you You’ll find your daydreams coming true Gee it’s a wonderful life You bet it’s a wonderful, gee it’s a wonderful Gee it’s a wonderful life. Curtain Down

Encore

Another Op’nin’ Another Show Cole Porter

A Intro B Another op'nin', another show

In Philly, Boston or Baltimo', A chance for stage folks to say hello, Another op'nin' of another show.

C Another job that you hope, at last,

Will make your future forget your past, Another pain where the ulcers grow, Another op'nin' of another show.

D Four weeks, you rehearse and rehearse,

Three weeks and it couldn't be worse, One week, will it ever be right? Then out o' the hat, it's that big first night!

I The overture is about to start, You cross your fingers and hold your heart, It's curtain time and away we go! Another op'nin', Just another op'nin' of another show.

J Playout