Stoppard, Tom - Rough Crossing (Faber & Faber, 1985)

8/10/2019 Stoppard, Tom - Rough Crossing (Faber & Faber, 1985)

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ROUGHCROSSING







First published in 1985by Faber and Faber Limited

3 Queen Square London WC1N 3AU

Photoset by Wilmaset, Birkenhead, MerseysidePrinted in Great Britain by

Redwood Burn Limted, Trowbridge, WiltshireAll rights rerved

©David Aler, as Trustee, and Tom Stoppard, 1985

All rights whatever in this play are strictly reservedand professional applications for permission to perform it

must be made in advance, before rehearsals begin, toFraser and Dunlop (Scripts) Ld, 91 Regent Street, London

W1R 8RU or to the International Copyright Bureau Ltd,Suite 8, 26 Charing Cross Road, London WC2.

This book is sold" subjec to the ondition chat it shall not, by way of trade

or otheise, be lent, re;old, hired out or otheise irulated without the publisher's prior onsent in any fo of binding or over other chan chatin whih it is published and without a similar ondition inluding

chis ondition being imposed on the subsequent purhaser.

British Libra Cataloguing in Publiation Data

Stoppard, Tom

Rough crossingI Title822' 914 PR669T6

ISBN 571-13594-3ISBN 571-13595-1 Pbk

Libra of Congress Cataloging in Publiation Dta

Stoppard, TomRough Crossing

I TitlePR669T6R65 1985 822 914 85-4423

ISBN 571-13594-3ISBN 571-13595-1 (pbk)



CHARACERS

RAI

}layrghs and clabrars,

GAL f mddle ageADAM yung cmpser, aged 5NAASHA n acress, aged 35 40IVOR n acr, aged 45 50DVORNICHEK cabn sewardand he Lades f he hrus

The acn akes place n bard he talian astle salngbeween uhampn and New Yrk a herburg

Ne n he ccens

Lle r nhng hnges n he nanaly f he characers Inhe rgnal prducn RAI and GAL wh rean her

names frm he ungaran, spke rually whu an accenNAASHA spke wh a ungaran accen nkng he radn f Englshspeakng nnenal sars, bu hs s n a almaer Mre pn s made f ADAM beng French, s hespke wh he apprprae accen. IVOR s Englsh Myassumpn abu DVORNICHEK s ha whaeer hs nanaly

hs Englsh s myserusly perfec



ough rossing pened at the ytteltn Theate, ndn, n30 Octbe 1984 with the fllwing cast

DVORNICHEKRAIADAMGALNAASHAI VOR

Michael KitchenJhn StandingAndew C adswthiall BuggySheila GishRbin Bailey

CHORS Cistina Avey, Tacy Cllie, Elizabeth Daies, Chissie Kendall, Gail Rlfe

and Debbie Snk, withDavid itchen

irector Pete designer Cal Tms

ongs Music by And Pevinyics by Tm Stppad



ACT ON

he pvate verandas of the two most expensive suites on the ItalianCastle urai's veranda is needed more than atasha's veranda.ntrances on to this little deck are made from upstage through theinterior part visible of urai's sitting room.t is late at night. here is enough moonlight and electric light aroundto ensure that we are not peeng into the gloom.TURAI is standing by the railDVORN ICHK approaches frm within balancing a silver tray onone hand and also balancing himself as though the boat were in a

sto.ater when the boat is in a sto and when evebody else isstaggering about the boas movements seem to cancel outDVORN ICHK's so that he is the only person moving aroundnoal

DVORNICHK: (nteing ee we ae, si! One cgnac!TURAI : Oh Thank yuDVORNICHK: F thse in peil n the sea thee's nthing like

a lage cgnac as a stedying inuenceTURAI : u culd d with a steadying inuence yuself u'd

bette put it dwnDVORNICHK: Thank yu, si u health (e drinks the

coac. And may I say what an hnu it is t seve yu,si! (e stands swaying Quite a swell!TURAI : (odestly Thank yuDVORNICHK: ill thee e anything else, siTURAI : Pehaps a cgnacDVORNICHK: I ecmmend it, si It calm the wates

smething wndeful

9



TURAI : han yu . . . e . . .DVORNICHK: vnicek, si.TURAI : vichek. But suely we'e stil i habu.DVORNICHK: (urise) Ae we, si I see n sig f it.TURAI : It' s n te te side f te bat .

DVORNICHK: By Gd, yu'e ight. I tught the fnt endwas that way, but tat's te back end, is it, ad yu've gta ightandside m.

TURAI : Stabad .DVORNICHK : I beg yu padn, siTURAI : E . . .DVORNICHK : vchek.TURAI : vichek. S tis is yu st cssingDVO RN ICHK : (mpresse) hat's maculus. I supse i yu

lie f wk yu ca tell a chaacte at a glance.TURAI : It's a gift . I tae n cedit f it. Whee was yu last

psitinDVORNICHK : Pais, si. he Gege. (Frch prnunciatin )

TURAI : CinqDVORNICHK : , it 's a htel . I' d be gateful if yu dn'tmentin it t ayne. I tld tem it was te auretaniahey suspect nting in te basement.

TURAI : I suld ty t pick up a few nautical expessins.DVORNICHK : hat's a vey gd idea, si. I shal stat

mediately.TURAI : Ad culd yu d M Gal f me.DVORNICHK : pblem. e went t te telegaph fce.TURAI : Whee is thatDVORNICHK : On the . . . stabad side, si. Up by te

chneys. I 'll be back with yu di i n time.TURAI : Get ne t f M Adam - his cabin is psite me

n the te side f te bat.DVORNICHK : es, si.TURAI : Pt.DVORNICHK : es, si. And a cgnac.TURAI : E . . .DVORNICHK : vchek.TURAI : vnchek. Pesent my cmpliments and ask M Adam

10



what hed like t dink. And by the a be patient henyu speak with him - he suffes fm a neus disabilitin fact a speech impediment hich takes the unusual ff ss that ADAM has r h b a sapproahng s ADAM nrs h Ah ea b hw ae

yu! Cme ut heeDVORNICHK: Gd eening sivhng stops ADAMs o sab s h fo of apaus of sra sos bfor h a1 bar 01 st1n h starts h spas prft\ 10 a who stgn rsut of ths 1 ra1 sao1s s hat ADAM s awsang th ast qsto b o1 atr 01 1 h pa ss

t s oths at ADAM awas hsats bformbarng 0 a sph b sa h hsao1 s oo

ADAM: (Fna Gd eening.DVORNICHK: elcme abad si If thees anthig I can d

f yu dnt hesitate t ask(Paus

ADAM: Thank yu I wnt.TURAI : All unpacked Fund a place f eeythingDVORNICHK: I expect yud like a dink siADAM: Oh yes but I haent bught much ith meDVORNICHK: pblem wee gt plenty yull be all ight

with us.ADAM: I dnt think I willDVORNICHK: Cuse yu will - I tust yu cabi is

satisfactyTURAI : w did yu nd yu lady leADAM: Mst cmftable thank yuTURAI : ae yu seen he yetDVORNICHK: Ae yu ging t get ne in

ADAM: t yet shes still at dinneDVORNICHK: I mean a dink A pt asnt itTURAI : hy dnt we wait f he tgetheADAM: eally thank yuDVORNICHK: ee gt a Rebellalente I 9 I I thees the

'4ADAM: Thank yu Id like that e mu

I I



DVORNICHK: hich?TURAI: (rossly to DVORNICHK hat d yu want?DVORNICHK: Oh, thank yu, I have a cgnacADAM: I dnt dink ptTURAI : e cud send wd t he tbe that wee n bad

DVORNICHK: Fget the pt - weve gt eveything Justname itADAM: , Id ike it t be a supiseDVORNICHK : A upise RightTURAI : E DVORNICHK: DvnichTURAI : Dvnichek - g awayDVORNICHK : G away ight pbem

(e goes away.f there are chairs TURAI and ADAM make themselvescomfortable.here is quite a " long ause while ADAM stggles into speech

ADAM: ets nt tak i f yu dnt mind because my stating

mt is behaving wse than eve n dubt fm theexcitement f seeing atasha again and I fee s siy havingt chse between n the ne hand stugging t esumeeach tie the w is inteupted and n the the handgabbing nnstp s as t give an impessin f easycnvesatin which isnt in fact easy when yu ae tappedike a at in a unaway tain f eve me cmpicatedsentences that shy away fm the appaching fu stp ikea - ike a - damn!TURAI waves him courteous to silence

TURAI : ike a mth shying a t a cande ame T bing A t aepidpteist, then T siy ike a gi shying at he stcmpiment Oh, I ike that ike a by shying at a

ccnut, n, Ive gne t fa again w inica thattnguetippey shud cme in my shape andtippeduppey in yus I sund ike a eading man, andyu k ike ne, and between us we have t ey n cdsike Iv Fish t pesent the wd with u genius Oh,he, Ga, yu genius t, f cuse (his is because GAL has emerged from inside the cabin. e is

1



perhaps not as clothesconscous as RAI but has at least anequal dii. his is not impaired by the fact that he happensto be eating a stick of cele

GAL: Thee yu ae, Tuai Gd evening, Adam Any sign atasha Dn't eply And dn't listen t Tuai e has n

genius e can wite bit but unftunately wites a lt Ihave n genius eithe Ecnmy f expessin I have I havecabled ew k

RAI : e eally wuld have taken yu wd f itADAM: , she's still at dinneGAL: I've deed a cgnacRAI : hat did yu sayGAL: Bing me a cgnac'RAI : This was the cable t ew kGAL: u have becme cnfused e have an excellent cabin

stewad I fget his name I asked him t bing me acgnac The cable t ew k was anthe thingaltgethe: Safely embaked SS talian astle aiving

Sunday with new ending, dn't wy' That gives us fuand a half days I thught it best nt t mentin the newbeginning

RAI : hat's wng with the beginningGAL: n't d Cutain up Chaps talking h ae they e

dn't knw They'e talking abut smething theyevidently knw all abut and we knw nthing abut Thenanthe chap h is he They knw s they wn't tell usFive minutes have gne by Eveything must fall int place we'll stp caing They mentin a wman h is shee dn't knw They knw s they wn't tell us S itges

RAI : he erchant of enice begins like that

GAL: Thee yu ae, yu see n't dRAI : hat d yu suggestGAL: Intduce a chaacte pat, n bad the bat but utside

the main sty; cmes in at the beginning and ecgnizesevebody knws exactly what they ae up t and lls in thewhle jigsaw with ne speech e culd be an Iishpliceman called Muphy

3



TURAI : es I dn't knw , thugh an Iish picemancalled Muphy ight at the beginnig f he erchant ofenice

GAL : I'm nt talkng abut he erchant of eniceTURAI : Oh, I see But why shuld the pliceman do such a

thingGAL: hy shudn't heTURAI : And why is he IishGAL: I had a easn f that but I've fgtten what it wasTURAI : And what is an Iish pliceman ding n the bat

anywayGAL: EmigatingTURAI : But it's a undthewld cuiseGAL: hat's what it wasTURAI : , n, n I'm disappinted in yu, Ga Fis in the

jigsaw indeed! Fm nw n yu just d the cabesDVORNICH aives with a tray on which there are a cognacand a revoltinglookig cocktail

DVORNICHK : ee we ae, gentemen! One cgnac and a MadDgTURAI : At last

GAL takes the cognac.TURAI arrives at the tray too late hat is this muck

DVORNICHK: That's the supiseTURAI : I dn't ike supises, especialy when ne is expecting a

cgnac w wuld you like itDVORNICHK: Thank yu, s i, mst cnsideate - yu heath!

But st if I may be s bd - a tast ! A tast t theepassenges wh have hnued the steamship talian astleby thei embakatin at Chebug tnight bund f ew

k T Sand Tuai and Alex Gal, wdfamuspayights and men f the theate, fiends andclabats ve twenty yeas and cuntless cmedies,damas, ight peettas, evues, sketches, lyics and ibetti,n ve cntinents and in as many languages, jint auths,as eve, f the new cmedy with music, he ise of theodo!

14



nd t thei discvey, fien, ptg, the yung maest,plucked fm bscuity t imminent fame, thei newcmpse , Adam Adam ! Cupled with thei lvely leadinglady in the m abve* the daling f the gds, atasha avtilva, as she is knwn amng the eades f the

sciety pages atasha avatilva! Oh, and heleading man in D4, th matine idl, Iv Fish! Bth fwhm ae nw at dinne having baded at Suthamptnealie this aftenn! I aise my glass t yu success inew k and I'm nly sy yu'e nt taking themantic lead yuself, M Adam; I saw yu last yea at theChapeau Ruge in ne wo utton y abbage and yu'd

be bette than Iv Fish any ju f the semaine but let thatpass, n behalf f the management I bid yu welcmewithin the fu walls f the SS talian astle and may I sayhw thilled I am pesnally that yu have bked the PisaRm f shipbad eheasals!DVORNICHK drains his glass

TURAI : This is utageusGAL: Thank yu e DVORNICHK: DvnichekGAL: D yu mind if I call yu MuphyDVORNICHK: t at all, si ill thee be anything else, siGAL: ell, we'e als having a little tuble with the endingDVORNICHK: I knw what yu meanGAL: u dDVORNICHK: Miss avatilva was kind enugh t let me ead

yu playTURAI : k, what des ne have t d t get a dink und

heeGAL: Muphy, anthe cgnac

DVORNICHK: es, siGAL: And a little smething t eat, anything yu can get yuhands n, smething taditinal, a bit f Iish stewADAM is ting to speak to DVOR N ICHK

DVORNICHK: pblem (o ADAM Dvnichek

Or nex door, dependng on he sagng

15



GAL : (o TUR AI That man culd d a lt f he erchant enice e gt eveything in except why Nataha intexpecting u until the mningDVORN ICHK is in the process o misunderstanding whyADAM is having dicul addressing him

DVORNICHK: Dvnichek ADAM tries again Muphy

ADAM: (Finally &ucceeding I know I wuld but unftunately,htly afte appeaing in that evue at the Chapeau Ruge,I wa tuck by thi cuiu diability which ha made itpible f me t cntinue my caee a a pefme

DVORNICHK: (ympathetically hy, what the pblem?TUR AI : (o DVORNI CHK Ae yu till hee?!DVORN ICHK : (uing away rom ADAM e, i -ADAM: ust too late TimingDVOR N ICHK : (ontinuing Jut ff, y - yu gentemen

caught me n the p aiving by pivate launch in the

iddle f dinne Mi Navatilva tld me yu wee inDeauville wking n the ending and wuld be jiing thehip with the Chebug paenge in the mning aftebeakfat

GAL: e, well -DVORNICHK: Dnt tell me - yu gt tied f wk, tied f

Deauvile, and M Adam culdnt wait anthe night t beeunited with hi ladylve

GAL: (ratefully Muphy - have a cgnacDVORNICHK : Thank yu, i! Ill be back in n time

DVOR N ICH K leavesTURAI: (xasperated Ae yu paying that man?GA L: (o ADAM u knw, Muphy quite ight It tagic

that yu cant play the le f Jutie Deveell Epeciallya weve gt Iv e vey ppula with the public, fcue, a cuple f hu f Iv cmpany evey eighteenmnth being jut abut ight, but they dnt knwingly getn bat with himADAM has been gearing up to speak

ADAM: (Finally I culd play i t all ight if nly thi idiculu

1



hesitatin ee he same eah timeRAI : d yu meanADAM: All I'd have t d is anticipate my linesGAL: That's a gd idea I see hat yu meanADAM: Then I'd stat speaking just as it's my tun

GAL: Of cuse yu uld! D yu see hat he's getting at,TuaiADAM: Unftunately I can't time itGAL: But yu'e timing it pefectly!ADAM: It's a matte f luck if I cme in at the ight mmentGAL: Luck hat luck u've slved i tADAM: It culd g ng at any mment because smetimes my

vice cmes ut in a cuple f secnds, smetimes I seem tbe hesitating f minutes n end, and I neve kn whichit's ging t be

GAL: (gnng him I'll cable e k Fish vebad, a stais bn'

RAI : ell , hat is i t nmally, wuld yu say

GAL: e'll need cstume ttings hat's yu hat sizeADAM: It vaies accding t my state f mindGAL: That's emakable hat is it at the mmentR AI : (o GAL Be quiet

(o ADAM Pehaps the the acts culd ll in until yu'eeady t speak, thugh it wuld be an enmus pblem ifthe hesitatin is t lng

GAL: hat abut yu feetADAM: EnmusGAL: Enmus feet Inside legRAI : hat's the lngest it's eve beenGAL: Dn't anse thatRAI : e's nt talking t yu!

ADAM: The lngest as t days, that night at the ChapeauRuge hen it all beganRAI : T days The audience wuld have gne hmeADAM: (Pause. They did (Pause I lked up in the middle f

my st sng and thee, smiling at me fm a table in thefnt , as my mthe

RAI : And y u fell silent f t days

17



ADAM I hadn't ealized she'd gt ut f ga She'd beenaested in fnt f the ona isa which is whee she spenta supising pat f he time since becming cnvinced thatshe was the eincanatin f that lady, and I culd tel bythe way she was smiling at me she hadn't changed a bit

fund I culdn't speakGAL It had happened befeADAM Fm childhd, evey time she gt ut f galGAL But why di they keep putting he in galADAM Assault, battey, attempted incestuus ape f a min,

and cmmitting a nuisance in a public place: fact, theLuve

GAL S evey time yu mthe catches up with yu yuimpediment etuns

ADAM es, s it's just as well we've gt Iv Fish and I dn'tmind a bit wh plays atasha's lve s lng as I'm helve because atasha is my muse and withut he lve Iwuld fall silent tuy and feve

GAL w the papes wuld have lved it Adam Adam andatasha avatilva, the lve bids n stage tgethe eveynight, and it wuld have given the ending a wndefulquality, t, if we had an ending

RAI e have fu and a half days e wte ottie Fromrestitovsk in fu and a half days

GAL It als an fu and a half days It was the st play eve t clse afte a matine

RAI That's because we didn't have Adam's musicGAL That's tue

ADAM tries to speak Dn't say anything unless yu have a n ending

RAI Leave it t me I wk best unde pessue I'll tun the

pblem ve in my mind, pepae a nice clean stack fpape, and then, taking inspiatin fm the steady gaze fthe Statue f Libety, I shall take up my pen and -

ADAM (Finally O atasha eitheRAI hatADAM (Pause u didn't have my music atasha eithe GAL Als tue

8



RAI And dn't fget even i Deauville let us dwn withthe ending we have bught he a new sng f the secndact

A All tue ith Adam's music and atasha and the newsng and a new ending and an Iish pliceman we shall

have a wndeful success in ew k if we d a little wkn the middle eve f we e stuck with vRAI (opefully) They've been vey gd tgethe in the past

that play whee v had the mtbike A es they had a wndeful eighteen mnths in aulne

des llon and a slgly disappinting thee weeks inomeo and Jule Gd that was a mistake peple d the

silliest things when they'e in the middle f an R AI (uedly) I've gt a wndeful idea! et's welcme he

back fm dinne with the new sng! Adam g and get thesce fm yu cabin and a pia smething f thest -

A es yes and if she cmes back we'll keep quiet as mice till

yu etun and then we'll seenade he tgethe with henew numbe hat d yu thinkADAM es o speak )Just ndADAM nods and leavesI'm sy It slipped ut

RAI u knw we shuld have sent a telegamA Adam wanted t supise heRAI e may succeedA Oh cme nw all that was yeas ag She was just a yung

gil atteed by an lde man's attentins Iv was thebigge name then and natually ne thing led t anthebu t eveything's diffeent nw she's a sta and he 's a

middleaged cld with a wife and fu childen and anywayshe's in lve with Adam - n it's ut f the questin (eeecs) e shuld have sent a telegam

RAI (oddng gavely) eve supise a wman They lvesupises s lng as they've been waned

A k I'm sue this isn't necessay but why dn't I keepAdam busy until atasha is safely back in he m Then

9



let us kow te goo news a well a surse er emust have a ay comser to comse a a ayactess to sg an ten we ave a ay enig wen weave n enig.(DVORNIHK ents with a cc a iled tat a

tray.DVORNIHK : Here we are, si, one cogac an a litesomeg.

GAL : Wats s?DVORNIHK: A bole tato, si.GAL: (aking it an leang Pefect.TRAI : Wat kept youDVORNIHK: You woult lieve it went u te wrong

staircase an foun myself on e roof.TRAI : (tate Te top eck.DVORNIHK : An en nealy fel own te ta oorTRAI : (aste own e atc, Mury!DVORNIHK: Down te atc, si! (e kncks ack th rany

in - an ti ove a oe stung between wobollock.TRAI : Lk, woul you please try to learn e oe names of

tngs-DVORNIHK : Yes, sr. Will tere be anyng else, siTRAI: (Faintly Peas a cognac.DVORNIHK : No poblem, s. (lcitly an inncently s

eveg all igt, si?TRAI : No. Eveytg-

(t tht mt he hears NATASHAs vice singng m witinhr cain Yes Yes, eveyig i s e, Muy. G o an fetc- no,'ll go an fetc em. Get a bottle of caagne. Perrier

ouet '21 .DVORNIHK: Yes, siTRAI : An fou glasses.DVORNIHK : No oblem.

(TRAI hued flls DVORNHK ut thrgh th cainNATASHAs vice still ctinus singing a sh erges thr vanda hlding a music scre a sinng t hrsel

2



NATAHA: S:

Tis cou e me.Neer bee so fac frTll sse ou

ou sse me.st it sublme?

Tis coul be e me.e saw ouM kns wet weaM oat et

cou a sa

O FIH ss ldg botte f ch glasss d Jo h on dck 1

O: Do ou ae to sg at sog?NTH S: st it eae?

'm singg it because le snging it d ause hwote it for me to sig . . .S:

Turle oes g two for teaYes it's ue we sse oueg bes rag te for o

. . . a it boes ou ou hae ou o abin.Ss: La a a a a fact o't kow oure ot it. I er iteyou nto me.

O: Natasa, Natasa, ow can ou foget?

NAT H aet forgotte- ou bg in an stateog my camagne.O: s you e camage.NAH Tat's w it's me.O: How can you s to m le at? I as e loe of our

lfeNTH Tat was anoer life. No lase go to b, Ior-

21



it's vey tougtless of you to isk compomisig me liketis

IVOR: I? I compomise you? I wo discoveed you? Is tis tetks I get? I wo picked you fo my pillio!

: (Pm) I've ledy tked you fo tt

IVOR: I wo climbed up to you blcoy!: (oldly) Oly fo tee weeksIVOR: Ad wt bout tis fteoo i tt vey cbi?: It's ey bd fo to dig up te pst like tisIVOR: Nts!: I wekeed f momet we you sid you'd kill

youselfR: You wekeed fo twetyve miutes: You sid you'd extemite you etie fmily If you

d y soul you would ve udestood tt tis fteoows my fewell to tt pt of my life I'm goig to be diffeet wom fom ow o y Adm will be ee i temoig He clls me is mdo So tee'll be o moe

of tatR: You do't love me?: NoIOR: I'll kill myself: Now, owIVOR : I'll kill my wife d cilde d te myself: It's o good, I'm ot i te mood Aywy, you

wife is muc moe likely to kill you if se ds out wtyou'e up to You emembe you wife? Pi?

R: Plom But se'd still kill me (eocally) I'm willig totke te isk- do you wt m o boy?

: A boyIVOR : I'll kill im!

: Tt would ot be vey ssible If I kow Gl dTui tey'll sow up wit lf te secod ct still to comeIVOR: (neocally) O, ow c you tet me like tis we I

love you so dedfully: Now do't be suc bby I c't be you to cy

Come o, you must go to bedIVOR: All igt, I'll go Oly let me wit till you'e edy fo bed

22



s I c kiss u di d te I se Il ee u.NAASHA Al i. Bu u i u ee ie I ce d

peeki.IVR O k u k u ee e is pecius.NA ASHA I'l l be ue.

(NAASHA disappears iside cntinuing t sing t ersef. I VRstands king mdiy at te sea .Bew RAI A and ADAM creep back int view and n tteir deck. A carries seet music and is eating a cicken eg.ADAM is caing a banj. RAI takes carge in mime gettingte grup int serenading psitin. taby e dispssesses Af is snack . e examines te manuscript scre cse. en e

is satised and eveting is ready e takes up te stance f acnductr.bve NAASHA reappears aving canged int a vebeautifu but igcared ngig . e pauses in te dayas RAI's and is abut t descend.Tee! I' ed!

IVR dli!(e tree trubadurs freee . NAASHA N u kiss e.IVR e!

(e trubadurs tu.NAASHA N u pised e cied .IVR I c't elp i.NAASHA Yu'e t i bei i!IVR Yes !

(e trubadurs reci in sient cnfusinAd i! Ad i!

RAI (rbane t ADAM Tis des' ecessi eIVR I le u I de u I sip u!

A (ugtfu He's s bee teedus es.IVR I sip u s e sps e cdle e!(RAI gives a prfessina wince . I e u s e Eie Te es te e eec cud dces ud i i e sue beeze.(A DAM sits dwn .

NAASHA Yu'll s e e!

23



IVR N, n, 'm ma abut yu But yu've plucke ut myheat like the live ut f a y Matini an ashe me frmyu lips!(espite eveting, AL and URAI tu to eac oter inwonder

N A A SH A Dn't spil eveything we've ha tgetheADAM breaks a banjo stngGive me yr hans- will emembe yu hans, suchcleve, wicke hans, t, when think f what they haveneADAM breaks two re banjo stringsPlease b e a g by - emembe this aftennADAM stands up Hee, let me kiss yu

IVR That's nt a kiss That's a tip!NAASHA Keep y_ u vice wnIVR n't cae Let he whle wl knw that mean

nthing t yu 'm a ashe Matini!

URAI (Quiety to ADAM Cme nN A ASHA That's nt tue- yu wil always be the st was agil an yu mae me a wman f ha ten husbans nne can take yu placeADAM takes te score from URAI and rips it once across, andtrows it down But 'm engage t be maie s please be kin an leaveme nwADAM makes to eave but is given furter pause by te nextines.

IVR All ight, will Only let me see yu as want temember yu Lift yu hai Let me mve yu clla justa little

NAASHA Oh, yu'e impssible What ae yu ing?IVR One last lk, ne tuch, beg yu! Oh, that pinkune pefectin! Let me put my lips t its sysmthness

AL He shuleIVR An the the ne!AL He ther shule

24



IVOR Ho bautfully thy ha th!GA W should ha st a tlaNAASHA No stop t-ADAM I ll tho yslf oboad

ADAM eaves

RAI ( GA G o th �GA eaves IVOR Oh, fo N A ASHA I'll fo you, you doy, f oly you'd oIVOR I' o o Goodby, Natasha, oodby foNAASHA S you aft bafast I' o to b up aly to

t Ada Ad thos to old ousRAI ks pained I do hop thy' lood aft y poo boyRA I ks even mre pained.

IVOR O o ss!RA I amst ses patience

NAASHA Good ht, Io Th ood ht

IVOR Good ht IV OR eaves NAASHA (ings

Ths ould b halyThs ould b th o

NAASHA eaves RAI At last

RAI capses int a cair, r against te rai. NAASHAsings quiety fr a few mments and ten te sft igt inside isextinguised RAI picks up te t scre.GA retus, eating

GA All qutRA I nds Itst sl?URAI sakes is ead

RAI H's o (Bittery Effl To Ho's Ada?GA H's Th bajo s't so llRAI d h say ayth?

5



A He s tiRAI Nddi his hed, shki itA Bi it ist the ll.RAI Will u expli t e but u d fdA N.

RAI I l et ce dA Tht's i t be e ceiet hbit f .RAI It's the p b I' ied butA Yu d't e t but hi- u peple c

ls et thei hds sdich.RAI Lk e'e bi uch t pessiistic. Ntsh is

tupe d Ad ill elie tht his usic es e thi th

A ehile he's t up the est f the sce.RAI A estue Whish - ce css d t the lue.

NA It lks like· he suite i thee Withut, f

cuse, the bide (enmus Fleec little clud . . she

shuld't be let ut ithut eel let Ad s f thtded tii .RAI Dshed.A ased tii Well, he cetil sled the pble f

the ediR AI (ugtfuy Yes . es . . .A

I'll cble Ne Yk Disebked. D't .'RAI Wit I'e t the stest feeli . . tht eethiis i t be ll iht

A I thik u eed t et sethi.RAI Sssh .

(e freees wit intense cncentratinWe ill he u peie

A With Ad's usicRAI With Ad's usic, ith Ntsh, ith Iish

plice if u like I feel it I see liht . . isi . Ic't quite ke it ut but the edes e icdescet ithpise I see success hppiess- eddi . .

A L bld su.

RAI (xcited St ith te b All iht D't lee his



side Give him a sleeping pillA I haven't gt neRAI Dn't be btuse! Make him dunk! I want him asleep

f eight hus at least Tmw is ging t be a day ttes u mettle!

A (etting up hateve_yu say Make him dunk(e goes towards the door and eets DVR NICHEK coming inwith the champagne and the four glasses

DVRNICHEK ee we ae, si! Champagne!RAI Excellent!A Pefect! A takes the champagne and two of the glasses and

departs eaving Gd night, Tuai!RAI e tk the champagneDVRNICHEK Sy I was s lng I've been all ve u

wuldn't believe the cella in this place - the noise thelth-

RAI (nily That's the engine m!DVRNICHEK (greeing u dn't have t tell me!

RAI ell, what whee yu ding theeDVRNICHEK A misundestanding Ameican cuple in E,asked f tw scewdives Fist ff, I can't nd thedman S I get n the huse phne f what I thughtwas the bell captain Ae yu the captain' I say I am,' hesays uld yu knw whee t put yu hands n acuple f scewdives' I say Then the cnvesatindeteiates

RAI k, I've been tying t get a dink since I ame nbad

DVRNICHEK May I fetch yu smething, siRAI Pehaps a cgnac DVRNICHEK ey gd, si

RAI By the way DVRNICHEK es, siRAI Bing the bttleDVRNICHEK pblem

DVRN ICHEK leaves.RAI whips out a gold pencil and starts scribbling in anotebook. e paces up and down in deep thought occasionally

7



making a note DONK retu with a ottle of raand a glass on his tray)Sall pour you one, sir

TA: (mpatientl) Yes, yes Be uiet(e continues making notes while DONK ops the

otte and pours a gass of rand TA suddenl satisde reaxes e accepts the gass from D ONK sniffs itand holds it up t the light s he is aout to drink - )

DONK: ill you be reuiring early morning tea, sirTAI : YesDONEK: Wat timTA : Wat time is it nowDONK: Cong up to one o'clockTA : ll ave it at alfpast one, tree oclock, fourtrty an

SlX

DONK: Wit milk or lemonTA : Wit cognc Brkfast at sevenDONEK: Yes, sir

TA raises his glass again, ut- )Tea or coffeeTA : Black coffee Half a grapefruit Peraps a little am

DONK takes out a noteook an attemps to wte theord)Sausage, scramble eggs, neys, a potato or two some col cuts- cicken, beef, tongue, salami- o, somekind of smoke s, m not fusy ceese, wite rolls,brown toast, a couple of croissants DONEK is still ting to organie hief to wte dnthe rst item TA impatiently puts down his glass andsnatches voichek's noteook an continues, scling in thenoteook)

Butter, strawberry jam, oney, pcakes an some stewefruitTAI hands ack the noteook DONK picks up hissilver saver which TA has replaced his untouchddnk)

DONK: CreamTA: (hay) No (hen relenting) Well, a little only eat

28



once a ay. Do you kno hat s the ost potant thn lfe

DOEK: Yes, s.TA : Goo health.DOEK: Thank you, s. Good health (e drains urai's

gass. Tea n half an u. Ill ake t ysef.TA : Thank you, e . . . DOEK: uphyTA : Foe y askn, ut ot you hae aothe aeDOEK: Inee, s. Athoy StJoh Placo

Donchek.TAI : Thank you uphy.DOEK: Thank you, s.

DO E K eaves

ransitin int iterir f urai's cabin. siver tea seice cup andsaucer witut any tray are n te writing desk . urai's impressivebreakfast as aved n a tr and DOEK is aying ut a

breakfast tabe . TA can be eard singing ceerfuy ffstageTA enters king rjuvenated swered saved we scrubbedand in egant yacting ctes.DOEK, aying ut te breakfast eets im ceerfu.DOEK: Ahoy thee Seen ells a alls el Th suns

oe the yaa an thees a foce thee eastsou eastelyth oo slty. Whee do you ant the ttles

TA : Who ae youDOEK: uphy, s.TA : I see youe pcke up the lno.DOEK: Speak t lke a nate, s. a to put n a t of a

sput Theye ettn suspcous aout e e o theauretania

TA : Really What happeneDOEK: Its that capta aa. alfpast e he phoneson fo a cup of Oalte a a chocoate scut. Wheeae you I say. On the looy de, hee do you thkI a he says. Jup to t. So I jup to t, an Ilookn oth ays alo the eada ut oe of thees ae out an y the te I d h pacn up ad

29



do he fo balcoy he's absolely demeed,heaeed o hae me ioed i he clappes Ho as yurih?

TRAI : Qie sccessfl, hak yo(e is ifting vaus siver dmes n te tabe

I ca' see the smoked shDVORIEK: Saboad of he coffee poTRA : Oh, yes

TRAI sits dwn and DVOREK purs cffee Frm nwn e starts tucking int is breakfast DVOREK ges tcear up te teapt etc

DVOREK: ha happeed o he ay?TRA : Nee mid ha old yo lif p tha elephoe ad

speak o Miss Naailoa ad he M Fish Peset mycomplimes, apoloize fo he ho ad ask hem to joime

DVOREK: A aye si(e ifts te pne nt pne cnversatinay Ahoy hee

Please coec me ih Miss NaailoaTRA : Ad he see ha e ae o disbedDVORIEK: No ee by M a ad M Adam?TRA : Especially o by hemDVORIEK: Aye aye si (nt pne Yes, miss I's

Doichek Yes, miss, I'm speaki fom M Tai'scabi Yes, he's hee ad he peses his comp-(e as ung up e repaces te teepne I hik she's comi(e ifts te teepne again nt pne Ahoy aaiCoec me ih M Fish i D4 please

TRAI : Yo do' hae o keep sayi ahoyDVORIEK: Aye aye, si (nt pne Yes, he's ahe

had o ake o poble, I'll o ad ba o his dooBo oyae(e puts te pne dwn ill ha be all, si?

TRA : No(e ands DVOREK a sip f paper

I a yo o sed his eleam fo me I's o o o M30





T : Every wor.(He placly eag beakas. S luges a he abe aabs a ke.(Cally Tat wont o ay g

NT: You ont kow me Sanor! ave Romay blo

i my veins!T : mea its a s fe.(She hs he ke a collapses o a ch sobbg

NT: es AaT : Asleep trust. mae Gal stay wit NT: He calle m is maonna. O Saor youre te

oy one wo kows ow love T : No as say it was a tree of us.NT: Dont cruel! m te vict of my own generosity.

vor is so patetic- e keeps burstig ito tears an tellgme to remember te ol ays on te pilion. (Vcusly twas al tat ag up an own on te pilion wic gotme into tis! swear to you its over- last nigt ws te last

icker of te canle ame.(The a a kockg e oo.T : Here comes te mot.

(Th o a O ce weag a aesgg.G mog vo.

O: Wat te evi is goig on- was asleep.(T e ees NT O- g mog my ear.

T : m sory to wake you.O: Actually int close my eyes awn . . . tossing

turnig pcing te rNT: O sut up.O : s everyting al rigt

NT: No.T : Sit own. Have a cognac.O: Before breakfast t must be seious.T t is. Our litte sow is in trouble.O: You avent one te enig. Honestly Turai one likes

to give you writer jonnies a bit of leeway but -T : (Thus Sience!

32



e points witheringly at IVOR Eiffel Te! Dshed ii!

IVOR: Whe did yu e hee?TRAI : Ls ih hile yu ee hi die e t d

upked fe his d s he sudek i he

mlih it f y. IVOR goes out and inspects the geography of the adjacentsundecks. e comes back.)

IVOR: Yu d Gl.NATAA starts to weep again)Ad Adm. I'm ded m if his es ut.

TRAI : Yes h is s Fish?IVOR: (n panic) He uld' ell he? Wh did he sy?TRAI : He sid he s i u yu p t is d

ps i t he.IVOR ghast but also surprised) He sid h?TRAI : He s yi t.NATAA: P le p hdipped lile le! See h

yu'e de yu selsh mse- uied his life dmie! Oh t die- t die!IVOR: (eroically) Tethe! Like Rme d Julie!

(e snatches up a piece of cutle.)T R A I : Tht's sp.IVOR: I thik I miht he h .

(e helps himself)

NATA A: o TR AI H muh des he k? Whe I hikf hse silly his e sys . . . Ws i fm he mmee t k uil I lef?

TRAI : Nt quite. Ruhly fm Eiffel Te pik udedpefeti.

NATAA: es out. ) He ks u ht e?

TRAI : Ad the the e. The quesi is h e epi hedme. I me he y. y ly huh is f he y.NATAA: S yu s illi . . . s dmed!IVOR: If ly i hd ee his earsNATAA: Shut up yu ue!TRAI : Yes d e quiet I. I'm yi e yu th ut f

this mess.

33



NATAA Teres no way.TA Tere is am about to ull te rabbit out of te

t.NATAA You ave a abbit?TA ave

NATAA Sanor, ll be you slave for life, ll ut myselfuner contract-ll- (aution intercedes) Wat is it?

TA Wat you were oig in you cabin last nigt waslearning you arts? Do you unerstan?

NATAA Yes! NoTA You conversation, wic we artly overear, was not

a conversation, it was a rearsalNATAA (westck) Tats brilliant (n immediately itated)

Tats stupid- were on eart are we ever goig to alay wit lies like tat i it?

TA (ndicating thdesk) Over tereNATAA goes to the desk )

NATAA Here?TA You ol it in your as.NATAA (nderstanding) Of course ! Sanor .O You foun one?NATAA Be quiet, vor Sanor, ow o you o it?TA Eiter one is a layrigt or one is otO You wote it?TA i An never was anytig writtn wit tuer

urose. Never! We eac gt lifes batle wit teweaons Go gave us. M is eate Alas But toay feel like a Greek atete at te Battle of Maraton Yes, etks, yes, fo once tere seems to be sometg to savein business

NATAA is oking through urai s manuscpt pages )NATAA love you as te Eiffel Tower loves te little eecy

clou tat ances- O snatches the page frm he reads from the ntpage)You ave lucke out my eart like te oive out of a ry

Martii- 34



TAI : It eds bette th t pls But u'e pled t ce su c pl t

NATAA: Wht d u e? e he t do t?TAI : Of cuse Wh ll belee u these? Rehesl

ths fte, t 'clc shp the Ps R Ad

ll be thee s e e u'e leed tIVO: I c't le ll ths TAI : Wh t? Yu e t ell euh lst htNATAA: I ee sd, N e c e u plce'TAI : Yes, u ddNATAA: Well, I dd't e tIVO: Yu dd't?N A TAA : Of cuse I dd't A budgegar culd e u

plce!IVO: Yu btch!NATAA: I hte u!TAI : It's t lte - lst ht s the te f tht Off

u Thee's cp f ech f u

IVO: Excuse e- h e e ehes ths e pece heee suppsed t be the ddle f ehesls f hese of the odo?

NATAA: o IVO Oh, d't be s-o TAI Wh are e ehes ths e pece?

TAI : It's t e pece t's te e edNA TA A: westck) Tht's bllant!

mmedately tate Tht's stupd- We c' sted s tese stupd ths! We'd e lu stc! Iship u s te t shps the cdle le'!

IVO: urt) Wht's t tht?NATA A: o T AI Ad just pu u bbt ut f ts

sey, I s h e'e ehes cb t

dit?TAI : Qute sple Gl d I ee due t e then It s u lst chce plsh up u supsef us

IVO: Wht supse?TAI : Yu e edIVO: Mne!?

35



TU : ell, of course o's going to beleve tat wrote tatbig An anyway, couln't ave written it because woul ave recogize it No, wat ane was tat youtwo knew amne well tat Gal an wou get nowere iDeauville so you tougt you' ave a crack at it yourself

NTASA: He cn't writeV: can't writeTUA: ad) know He as a certan gift fo construconV: O, o TUA : He tels te story, but e oesn't unerstan caracter

uzing VR's su) Touce, a te same, 'll letyou own genly, count on me Te new scene takes offfrom te line, Moer is comig u for sale ts aternn'

NATSA an V: Moer is comng u for sale tsafteoon'

TUA : e will reearse e enig as it stans an wen we a

aee at it nes metng, vo wil say, Actually, Turai,wle you were in Deauvile ut en to ar an Natasa

an ave woke u a litte scene wc you may care toave a lk at', an wi say, My ear vo, 'm toucebeyon measure, o let's see wat you've been u to', anten off you go from Moer is coming u for sale', anBob's your uncle, on't see ow anytng can go wrongMnwe you ave a busy mog, so back to your cabins V sigh )

Don't sig lke tatV: t was a sig of relief Paloma, you owTUA : Don't worry about er Se as oter s to fry Now,

on't forget, wen next we meet you aven't seen me fo aweek

V: Untl two o'clk ten

V lavs )NATASA: Sanor, you've one it Di Gal elTUA : No He knows notng tougt after twenty years of

marriage ' treat myself to a gt out Untl wo o'clock,an on't forget you're my slave for lfe

NATASA: issing him) Te tgs one says wen one's back isto te rail



NAASHA leaves.RAI goes to the telephone and lifts the receiver.)

RAI nto phone) Gd i. This is Sd Ti.ld plese cect e ith Gl. Oh ell? Hki t s s.

el it's plese e t.ell it's jst it ell.t ies se the e sthl thes h theips d ds.t depeds. Seties the ds ee the sicseties the sic ee the ds.N ti pe.

d't ell he ite.Oh d?Actll tht s itte t the peple.t's peectl ll iht.Nt t ll.Oh he ?

ell ttel he't t ch tie t edds. Gl ld le t ed it. h d't skhi? Yes h d't he is i ci B t theet.Thk s ch.Pause)Gl e ke?

D't e pedt.ell ' s.Hlpst see s. s Ad ke?ht d e?ell hee is he?Y icpetet! sid et him dk!

ell 'd ette t d d hi! d't k- lk i the te. D he t deethi ? le d the plt thechcteizti the ette jkes d idi ctcts ithi's hppeed t the ll et see else t dthe cles!-here's a knock at the door)

37



Come in(ontinuing Don't you practise your economy o exressonon me you drunken -(e sees that it is ADAM who has enteredM y dear boy ! Come in -

(nto phone Adam has just come in(o ADAM Would you lie some breakast - coee?(nto phone So glad you had a good night's rest , dear chap,why don't yu get up now and join us The sun's oer theyardarm and it's a beautiul day with a reshnorthsoutheasterlybreeze with good isibility(e sees that G AL hs entered

Hello, Gal , come in -(e does a doubletake at the telephone in his hand and puts itdown GAL is weang last night's clothing and looking worsefor wear ADAM is weang what is clearly a disembarkationout- includig haand topcoat e does not have his luggagewith him but is caing perhaps an attach case which GAL

and T RA affect not to notice ADAM offers his han t GAL infarewell GAL shakes it casualGAL : Good morning, AdamADAM:

ADAM offers his hand to TRA , who shakes it vigorously TRA: (heerfully Good morning! You're lookng woderuly

rereshe Been or a walk? Not much o a town, s it?ADAM: GAL : Had breakast? I hardly bother with it myselADAM: TRA : Don't try to talk Hae some coeeADAM: TRA : I know, I know But we can ring or a cup

TRA goes to a bell push and presses it long and ly I know what you're going to say You'e woken up a newman You laugh at loe like this - ha! - ha! You snap yourngers at it like that (snap - you are ree o the tyrannso the hart Nothing else matters to you but to hear yourmusic played You are an artist For you there ar no morwomen, only Woman, the emale spirit that remains



constant while th Natashas and the Marias and the ZsaZsas come and go, each seeming for a moment to embodythe idea, each giing way to the next, illusory, inconstant,all too human, unequal to the artist's measure, unworthy ohis lute.

GAL That gies you an ideaf the sort of plays he'd be writingif he didn't hae me to stop him.GAL has been picking at the ample leftovers of uraisbreakfast)

TURA Would you be good enough to order your ownbreakfast?

GAL It's as much as I can do to pick at something to keep mystrength up.

ADAM Finally) Goodbye! Pause) I'm sorry .TURA Adam, I'm astonished. And yet, I understand. First

loe. The pain of it all. But take the adice of an older man.GAL Try the kippers.URA Wait!

GAL Wait till you'e tried the kippers.TURA Wait ! - Because while you wait, fate's caraan moeson. Do nothing! Say nothing! Wait!

GAL It's no good. I can't swallow. My throat is constricted.TURA Yes, I know You want to kill yourself. r her. r or.

I understand. Especially in the case of Ior. But stay yourhand - for an hour - two hours - where the hell is thatsteward?TURA presses the bell yet more ly)

ADAM My luggage is at the top of the gangway and when theboat sails in ten minutes it will sail without me for my museis dead and as for me I will neer write music again!

GAL My dear boy, you're talking nonsense. I know about

writer's block. What you need is the stewed prunes.TURA Adam, sit down and keep calm.ADAM How can you speak of prunes when it's the end of

eerything and my music is a thousand scraps of paperoating away on the tide, I thought you were my friends

GAL We are, we really are is there any cream?TURA No!

39



GAL No cream?TURA No ! - Let the boy be Adam, I'm sorry I hae no rht

You must do as you wsh Your le is your own I youmust o, then o you must, and God be wth youAnd, by the way, there is somethn I would lke you to

hae, a nelble pece o the Tura amly sler whch Iwas oin to e you on the occasion o your Amercandbut - please, no arument - let t be a memento o happydays spent toether n the neyard o muscal comedy Therut stayed on the ne but there wll be other seasons, andrpeness s allTURA has detache himself to produce a at parcel wrappedin tissue paper from which utters a white envelope containing,as it happens, a whit card TURA presents the parcel withgreat dignity ADAM seems moved ADAM takes off the envelopeand removes the card and reads it silently e is even moremoved e embraces TURA and kisses him on both cheeksADAM places the ca

rd on the table and bens to unwrap the

parcel GAL picks up the ard and reads from it )G A L Homard, maestro ' I s t a lobster?TURA : aking the card from GAL omage maestro all or

one and one or all let me not to the marrae o truemnds admt impedment'

GAL : Really, TuraTURA h, t's just a pleasantry He's not oended o ADAM

You're not oended, are you? Shake your headADAM has now revealed a silver tray)I hope you lke t - made o siler washed rom the upperDanube, one o the last peces - the amly siler s sadlydepleted and dspersed You see t's enraed wth theTura motto, Festina lente Eery lent a estal That's us

Turas I'm araid! - irrepressble ! Gal, press that bell, wemust drnk Adam's health beore he oesADAM Wat ! I cannot leae you lke ths TURA elieved) My dear boy ADAM hanges his mind ) But I must Goodbye!

DVRN CK enters with a teleam envelope boeceremoniously on a silver tray)

40



DVNCK Your telegramTUA Ah! Just in timeDVNCK It's or Mr AdamTUA So it is Gal - a telegram or Adam o DVNCK)

You call this ast rate?

DVNCK This boat was designed by a lunatic Whenyou're coming rom th�ront tarboard's on the letADAM is evidently taken aback by the teleam. e looks atthe envelope careful eanwhile GAL is studying dam'stray)

GAL Festina lente 'DVNCK Make haste slowly.TUA Thank you, MurphyDVNCK No problemGAL Festina lente C L ' What's the C. L . ?TUA That's the dateGAL ne hundred and ty. That's earlyTUA I mean the weight

DVNCK Castle LineTUA That will be all, Murphy. Champagne and our glassesDVN CK eaving) Four? You're too kind

s DVNCK closes the door behind him, ADAM, who hasopened the telegram and read it and gone into a freeze, starts tohave a minor convulsion)

GAL Adam, what i s it?TUA Not bad news, I hope?(ADAM collapses into a chair, letting the telegram fall to the

oor GAL picks it up an reads it )GAL eads:) My darling naughty boy why do you run away

rom me I will be waiting or you on the quayside atCherbourg don't ail your eer deoted - Mona Lisa '

TU A It seems to b e rom your mother You'd better hurry (ADAM stand, takes off coat )Changed your mind? o GAL) Telephone Natasha's cabinExplain that we hae arried on board and ask her to joinus o ADAM) Sit down, Adam.

GAL nto phone) Good morning.TUA Now listen

4 1



GAL: nto phone) This is Alex Gal . Would you connect me with TUA : You can remain on one condition.GAL : nto phone) h really? How kind o you to say so.TUA : You must behae as though nothing has happened.

theise you might as well pack yoursel o on the Paris

train with your mother and leae us to start again with anew composer.GAL: nto phone) Mostly me. He works under my superision.TUA: is attntion caught) Just a moment.GAL: nto phone) h, hae you? All about a telephone operator,

eh? What a good iea.TUA : esuming) Because we hae our and a hal days. We

can manage the musical comedy, but we can't aord amelodrama.

GAL: nto phone) Well, unortunately I haen't got time to read,but why don't I ask Miss Naratiloa . . .

TUA : In short, your core and your presence are worse thanuseless without your absolute discretion.

GAL : nto phone) Natasha? It's Alex! 'm with Turai . . . yesand Adam o course . Come and - I thik she's comig .e puts the phone down)

TUA : So what i s i t going t o be ? n one side - courage,dignity , style and my respect. n the other side - mother.ADAM stands up e scrs up the teleam and then picks upthe silver tray e stands before TUA ting to speak)

ADAM: Finally) With this piece o siler you hae made m e oyour amily. I am a Turai and I wil obey you.

TUA : fully) I knew you could do it! It wil be as thoughlast night neer happened. In act last night we were onshore. We hae arried this morning with a precious git,our new song or Natasha, and we shall present our git

when she enters and show her who can and who cannot becounted on when it comes to delierg the goods!here is a knock at the door TUA indicates that ADAMshould open it ADAM does so and NATASA steps into thecabin ADAM and N ATASA look at each oth for a momentand then kiss, a little waly despite the pretce which each hasto maintain TUA and GAL are poised to sing the song for

42



NATASHA. he three m start to do this, using cutle toaccompany themelves by setting up a percussion beat on thevaous pots and dishes and silver domes on urai's breakfasttable.he song may be sung as a trio or distbuted beteen the three

m. he lines up or do' and round and round' may begiv t ADAM solo, in which case ADAM's hesitation makes amomta hiatus in the song.fter You hae a olunteer the ship's hooter sounds anNATASHA says, You're here! And just time! and she couldplausib join in on the last two lines.

Where do we go from here

We just said hello and how do you do,And both o us kow I'm leaing with you,The signs are al too clearBut where do we go rom here?

We'll sai trough the night,Ad sleep trough the day,We're traellg light,Let's go all the wayIt sounds a nice idea -But where do we go rom here?

This way, that way, up or downWe could go both waysFoard, backwards, round and round,What do I careSo long as when we get together

And you're restless againAd closing your gripAnd you need a riendTo help with the zip,You hae a olunteer

43



So where do we go -When do we go -Darling I'm so ready to go -So why don't we go rom here?

44



AC

salon' aboard the Italian Castle . . . hs would be a moderatesplendd publc room avalable for prvate hre. here are entrancesupstage rght and left on a rased secton and the body of the room sapproached down a short central starcase, perhaps only a few steps.he space has been farly well clearedne table, however, s reseed to accommodate a far elaboratebuffet.he salon contans a telephone .here s also a baby grand pano . ADAM s at the pano . GAL s at

the buffet.ore to the pont, we are n the mddle of a song and dancenumber beng rehearsed by N A ASA and VR and theDACRS .NAASA and VR are sngng a duet, whch ultmately aves ata pont where they kss.he dsposton of the sung lnes can be treated freely, betweenADAM VR NAASA and the DAN C RS U RA s n charge

hs could be the one

This could be the one,Neer knew the sky so blue

Till you kissed me and I kissed youWhen all's said and done,This could be the one

45



v i ' i ?

i e � i v?

v ' e,

? v

TURAI i CHORU Si:

su ssTURAI l ? ALL Si:

v

TURAI i

CHORU Si: ADAM irps kss ani ks s U a

TURAI ' i

ATAHA () c ?TURAI

' v i 6



artist to discoer that the fruits of his genius hae eendeliered into the hands of a couple of wholesalegreengrocers You are supposed to be i loe wit Justineerell, the international jewel thief who came on oard atMonte Carlo He kindled a little ame in your heart the

moment you caught sit of hi comig up the gangplankThe oat has now traelled south to warmer parts and sohas the little ame, and youre kssing him as though hewere aout to turn into a frogTUA rous impatient on the DANCSid I tell ou to stop dancig?!

: id you call me a greengrocer?TUA : I did Why do you ask?GAL: I' e known some ery decent greengrocers f course, I

haen't heard them sing Anybody care for a little chicken,ham, duck ?

TUA : Are you stil eatng?GAL: Barely My system rejects food, as you know I hae to

emloy suterfuge to get anythig past my lipsTUA : You seem to e employig a rm of caterers What isthe meaing of this picnic? Are you expecting guests?

NATASA: arlig Alex I feel like a little duck TUA : You sing like a little duc ad (to VOR)you act like an

enormous hame rounds the DANCS again; th have been intimidated

into utain movement.By whatever mans possible or example, a visible hozonthrough the upstage winds including the increasingunsteadiness of the actors, it is made ident that the ItalianCastle has hit rough weather. he sensation inreases, a isphasized whever possible or desirable, and equilibum is

not proply restored until UA aanges matts on thetelephon with the captain later on)And stop detig!

VOR: I hae neer met anyone so rude TUA : You hae eidently neer met an iternatonal jewel

tief either I see him as the sort of chap who traels andsteals jewels A it of a Raes if you like, and if you ca

47





TURAI : Stay where you are!DVORNICHK: A to K the starboard daits ! - L to Z port beam

amidships ! - and don't crowd the ences !IVOR: Are we sinking?DVORNICHK: I knew there was something! - get your lie jackets !

DVORNICHK shes out he C HORUS start to do likewise )TURAI : Did I tell you to diiss!he CHORUS pause, teetering on the brink of disobedienceIVOR is attempting to leave )Where do you thnk you're going?

VOR: I can't swim! IVOR ns up the stairs and disappears )

TURAI : The utter selshness o it ! - The ingratitude ! NATASHA: Who has remained calm) But, Sandor, or all you

know we are sinkingTURAI : What i we are? - A boat this big can take hours to go

down! Are you araid o getting your eet wet?he C HORUS decide th are leaving)

We hae not broken !he CHORUS haltTURAI encounters GAL who has gathered up a few necessaprovisions from the buffet and is taking his leave )Et tu, Brute?

GAL: Excuse me, Turai , the lie rats may be oercrowded - Ithought I'd book a table.GAL courteously invites the CHORUS to go with him )Ladies?TURAI is ve disappointed in them e charges after them)

TU R A I : Following the CHORUS out) his i s troupers? Let meremind you that we are outside the threemile limit so I canhae you ogged and none o your nambypamby guild

nonsense here . . . !his takes TURAI out of iewADAM has not moved from the piano N ATASHA has remainedcalm.he motion of the boat is conved y, perhaps, the movementof stacks of plates on the buffet, of the chandelier, of the pianoitself

49



NAASA: Adam ? I you're stayg I'm gog to stay wtyou You ca't get alog wtout me(ADAM plays his rep get along without you v well.)No, you do't(ADAM plays want to be happy . )

Ad I ca't b e appy eter tll I 've made you appy(ADAM plays oodbye . )All rgt, I'l l go(ADAM plys bide with me. )All rgt, I'll stay I'll go dow sgg accompaed byAdam Adam o te pao(he lines of the sog are distbuted as folls: )

NAASA:

ADAM:

NAASA:

ADAM:

Who said i t would be ea

I'll ever see egtee agar twetyegt or e,I'll eer be so gree aga

To tk tat love's a valeteLet's ot talk you do't mdI'm ot surprsed you look surprsedIt 's ot tat I wat to be ukdBut love s arder ta I realzed

Wo sad t would be easy?

Not me - You ever eard t rom meWoever told you tat love was just a breeze,Se was eager to please - ot meYou'll ever ear t rom me

Wo sad t would be cosy?

Not me - you ever eard t rom meWoever told you tat love was le a roseHe was kee to propose - ot meYou'll ever ear t rom me

50



NATASHA:

ADAM:NATASHA:ADAM:

NATASHA:OTH:

Who said it would be easy - not me.

Not me - you neer heard it rom me.Wher told you tat loe was just a breezeHe was o his trapeze -

Not me Youll neer ear it om me.

DVORN CHK enes, makes mmedae fo eephne )DVORNCHK: Hes comng. Hes urious He wants to talk to

te captaiNATASHA: Whys tat, DorneDVORNCHK: Were not sig. (no he elephne) Conect

me wit te capta hes in the wardrobe .NATASHA: Sandor is urious because were not sgDVORNCHK: (o elephne) Hae it your own wa, wardroom.

(o NATASHA It was just a practice. Le a re drill whenits not a boat. (o elephne) Well, on te aueana we

always caed te wardroom te wardrobe. I dont knwhy - just get on wit it - Mr Turai wts . (oNATASHA Good ting it was , too - tued out m job wasto make sure tere was no one let on board.

NATASHA: Why youDVORNCHK: Its one o teir tradtions, apparently. Last on,

last o.TURA: (neng an fumng) Dam cheekDVORNCHK : (oecng hm md) Dochek.TURA : Hae you got himDVORNCHK: Nearly.TURA : Weres Gal? Weres Fish I wat tat chorus dacig

back i here double te and terell be a ne o hal a

crown or eery mute it taes.NATASHA: Sador, stop poutig. The sea is too rough orrehearsals ayay.

TURA : I am about to do sometng about tat.NATASHA: Sandor, dont you t you ought to lie

downDVORN CHK: (no phne) ! Is that you, skip

5 1





IVOR: (abouredly amused) h yes? - Who's he talking to? God?(nd indeed the dangerously swaying room now rapidly calmsdown)

T U R A I : (nto phone) Better bit more that's about i t that'll do nicely thank you , I look orward to meeting

you too - but not just y<t i you don't mind !TURAI replaces the telephone. IVOR approaches it withamazement)He can only gie us an hour Murphy, g et me a cognac

DVORNICHK: Aye aye, sirTURAI : And you'd better pick up the captain's manuscriptDVORNICHK: Aye ayeTURAI : By the way, when do you sleep?DVORNICHK: In the winter, sir

(DVORN IC H K leaves)TURAI : I ' m not leaing this boat without that man i n my

retinueIVOR: (amining the telephone) It's a trick, is it?

(o one takes any notice of him )TURAI : Where's Ga?

(GAL enters with a tiny snack )G AL : (Feeling) The women and children on this boat don't gie

an inchTU RA I: (o IVO R Take o that absurd article I we hit an

iceberg I will arrange or you to be inormed I R with ill ace removes himself from the life jacketeanwhile NAT ASHA has cared a tray of delicate sandwichesto ADAM

NATASHA: Adam darling, why don't you eat something - youmustn't be so mor key

TURAI : Leae him alone I want him to sae his oice (o

ADAM Me fortissimo you pianoN A TASHA: (osing her temper) Shut up! I'e had quite enough o

you!IVOR: So hae I And i we hit an iceberg I would consider it an

improement on the present situation, epecialy i you godown with the ship, taking the ruits o your genius withyou

53



NATASHA Which, by general account, will be a smaller loss togenius than to ruits

TURAI (almly) So It seems that my legendary good naturetowards petulant children, rabid dogs and actors as a class,coupled with my detestation o sarcasm and mockery in all

its orms, especially when directed at the mentally disabled,has lulled you into impudence and gien you a misplacedair o indispensability, what I like to call asinequaonchalance I am to blame or this I haemollycoddled you I hae made obeisance to your exiguoustalent I hae ororne to point out the distance thatseparates your perormance rom an adequate realization othe character I hae created or you That there is such adistance you may hae no doubt I mysel hae just sent outor a pair o biocals, and I'm thinking o borrowing thecaptai's telescope

NATASHA (Wit dignty) I'm sorry i I do not seem to suit yourlittle play It requires a large adjustment or someone

connected, as I am, with the Shakespearean theatreTURAI I you are reerring to your Juliet, you mght as wellclaim a connection with the rient Express by irtue ohaing once been derailed at East Finchley

NATASHA Rrright I you require to speak to me you will ndme in my cabin

TURAI I I require to speak to you I can make mysel heardquite easily rom my own

IVOR (uiedly) No, no let's not quarrel, eh? - I'm sorry,Turai - Natasha is sorry, too We really would like to geton (o NATAS HA Wouldn't we?

NATASHA (ollecting hersel Yes Let's get onTURAI (heerfully) That's the spirit Darling Dearest Natasha

Let me see a smile No, a smile That's better Now Iorgie you Are we riends?NATASHA (rimly) Darling , Sandor dearest we are in

your handsTURAI (allantly) It's a priilege And or me too My angel

Forgie me also I spoke in anger I didn't mean it aboutyour Juliet It was right up there with your Pauline Now

54





into earclips as a parturition git or his loely wieNATASHA: You really understand a woman, Sandor Parturition

git (motionally) All my mother wanted was a decentobstetrician and you despatch her with a couple o clips onthe ear!

DVORNICHK enters with a cognac and the captainsmanuscript)DVORNICHK : Here we are, sir! ne cognac and on e copy o ll

in the am Boat with the captain's complimentsTURAI : About time! - er here and take that rubbish away 'd

like your opinion itDVORNICHK : Right Here you ae

DVORN ICHK hands TURAI the manuscript and drinks thecognac e gives it his considered opinion)I'e had better

IVO R: see So, in act, the old dragon who's got the other earring isn't Ilna's ther at all because Ilona is, ocourse, Sir Reginald's missing daughter!

GAL: So thats it IVOR : It 's the way we keep calling Mother Mother It 'sconusing

GAL : I'm counting on Murphy to explain itIVOR : Murphy?DVORNICHK : Me? I 'm oerwhelmed!GAL: No, actually I meant -DVORNICHK : No problem It's like this Ilona has won the big

prize i the rae at the charity ball, ie two tickets or aroundtheworld cruise, donated by the SackilleStew Linewhich owns the sister ships odo and eneas

GAL: (o TUR AI Excuse meTURAI : There'll be a small change there, Murphy - the sister

ships odo and muDVORNICHK : Much better Well, then Sir Reginald

SackilleStew, spotting the lucky winner across thecrowded ballroom is immediately smitten with Ilona whoremids im a little o his late wie, or ery good reasonstough he doesn't know that yet because Ilona already has amother as ar as she's aware, and being unmarried and a bit





GAL : Turai - I tink I see it It wi be ike te Corus inen

NA TA SH A: (tunned) Tere's a corus in en ??(ound about here ADAM has eaten his way towards arevelation of the engraving on the silver tray which had been

covered with sanwiches he tray is evidently familiar ecaes it across to the buffet table on which are halfadozenidtical trays covered with food e begins to pick up trays,p th· of their contents, and eamine them ne look isenough By the time GAL nishes speaking, below, ADAM hasfour or ve trays in is hand)

GAL : (gnong her) Te curtain rises Te odo at sea Sunnda, gente swel Passengers disport temsees on deckBeac ba ere, cocktais tere Haadozen dbutantes Agir - s, an unspoit beaut, simp dressed, smiing at aneegant greaired man, immacuate wite suit Cose b,er amusing gas moter as paused to speak to adebonair oung man in a rkis acting cap wit

someting mockng about is ees n sh policemanappears on the poop

NATASHA: Sandor, I insist we ae to reearse our sceneTUA : Quite rigt, quite rigt - et's get tere and ten e'

see were we are -VO : At ast!

VO a NA TASHA resume their characters )NATASHA: Justi!

VO : , Iona!NATASHA: Moter is coming up or sae tis aternoon!VO : I know a about it Reggie is wit te radio ocer tring

to contact te muNATASHA: Te Emr?VO : No, no, not te Emir, te mu It appears as ar as I can

ascertai tat (ung this ADAM has approached TUA with the trays andreproachfully haed them t TUA, aft which he leaves thestage GAL has noticed all this a with an anious glance atTUA , GAL hued follows A DAM off the stage N ATASHA

and remain unaware of their departure )



RAI : All rght, theres no pot n gong on with that.IVOR: (eizing his opportuni) Im afrad youre rght, Tura

but dont worry! While you were in Deauville I thought Idput pen to paper, dont you know, and - erm Natasha andI have got something to show you.

RAI : (ravely) I am nressively touched.IVOR: Thank you. Its probably no good.RAI : Come, come, Id be privleged to be gven a glmpse.IVOR: Well, ts the bt whch starts off wth mother comng up

for sale - weve rehearsed and rehearsed . .(eanwhile NA ASHA, after a couple of sidelng glances, hasmissed ADAM . . . )

NAASHA: vor . . .IVOR: (eedlessly) You know, gettng it right for you, almost to

the last nute - I thk you will nd t qute movng -RAI : Indeed. What a shame Adam isnt here to see it.IVOR: Yes, snt t? - What? (e looks around.) Damn and blast

t!

(GAL huies back into the room.)GAL : Hes not hs room. He seemed upset about somethng.(ly) I see you have recovered some of the famly slver.These shppng lnes are completely unscrupulous.(DVORNICHEK eters with a cognac o the usual silver tray )

DVORNICHEK: Here we are, sir! ne cognac.(RAI, who is already caing several silver trays, furiously

gabs DVORNICHEKs tray while DVORNICHEK deftly savesthe glass of cognac . )

R A I : Wll you stop lg ths room with these damned trays!DVORNICHEK: What am I supposed to do wth the drnk?RAI : Surely you can manage a glass of cognac?!

(DVORN ICH EK dns the cognac, rearking . . )

DVORNICHEK: h - thank you very much Good health. Wlere be anythg else?RAI : (With geat selfcontrol Have you seen Mr Adam?DVORNICHEK: Yes, sr - dont worry, its all taken care of, no

problem.RAI : What snt ?DVORNICHEK: I gave h the telegram .

59





IVOR: Im sorry to say this, Iona, but your mothers arrest isong oerdue. I dont know why she is sti at arge.

NATASA: Justin!IVOR: Your mother gies a chap pause, Iona. As a matter o

act, your mother woud gie anybody pause, een two or

three chaps wrking as a team. Paue i were going to beopen about this, is wt you mother woud gie Mussoini,so dont worry your pretty itte head about the Itaianpoice, and te your mother not to worry her prettyenormous one either.

NATASA: Justi!IVOR: It was the sight o your mother, Iona, which made me

hesitate to propose to you unti uy three hours ater I sawyou standing here at this rai when I came aboard at MonteCaro I noticed her on deck when I was haway up thegangpank. Thats joy nice! I said to myse, taking her tobe a sma bandstand, and then I heard you say, Goodmorning, Mother and the words, Wi you marry me

whoeer you are roze upon my ips.NATASA: Justin! (o GAL) Look, is that a I get to say? Heswaking a oer my mother with his smart remarks and a Ido is beat Justin

G A L : We, woud you rather stop or the day? - Its not going tomake the sightest dierence to anybody i we eaeeerything as it is unti tomorrow, is it - ?

NATASA: Yes ! - I mean no - we must continue (o IVOR)Froze upon your ips.

IVOR: Froze upon my ips.NATASA: Justin!IVOR: I ee I can speak reey about your mother now, now that

you hae eidenty broken o our secret engagement.

NATASA: Jusn! (o GAL GoodVOR: I must hae been bind! Last night when you kissed meon the stern . . Do you tnk that might be misunderstood? I make it thepoop, sha I?uming) Last night when you kissed m e o n thepoop . .

6 1



(aping) Wel, how about the sundeck?GAL : In the moonlightVOR: La st night when yo u kissed me on the sundeck in the

moonlight -GAL: Forget the sundeck

VOR: Last night when you kissed me in the moonlight it wasReggie Robinsod who was in your thoughtsATASHA: Justin!GAL: ReggieATASHA: Reggie! How could you thik - ?VOR: How could I not? Ilona, lst night when you kissed me I

gae you a pledge o my loe, a single emerald earringwhich had once been worn by the Empress Josephine andhas been in my mothers amily since the day the LittleCorporal tossed it rom his carriage window to my maternalancestor Brigadier JeanFranois Prigord de St Emilionwho had escoted him into exile That jewel was our secret,but it has betrayedyou Here it is

ATASHA: Where did you nd that?VOR: Where you let it - in Reggies cabin!ATASHA: Reggie!GAL: JustinATASHA: Justin!R: Yes I looked in on him beore breakast to tell h I had

booked the pingpong table He had already let As I wasclosing the door something by his bed caught my eye Itwas Empress Josephines earring Say nothng, IlonaThere is nothing to be said I know that Reggie Robinsodhas money while I hae nothing but the proud name oDeerell

ATASHA: Not een that, Justin Your name isnt Deerell and

neer has beenVOR: Ilona!ATASHA: It is Tomkns!VOR: Ilona!ATASHA: I wanted to gie you the chance to tell me yoursel I

would hae orgien you Now its too lateVOR:

But how - ? 2



AASHA: I thught I knew yu the mment I caught sght yu cmng up the gangplank When I saw yur rehandtpspn t came back t me Bbby Tmkns wh wn thepngpng turnament at the Htel des Bans n the VencLd n '32. I cness I was a lttle n le wth yu een

thenVR Well! S nether S s que what we seem, IlnaPerhaps we belng tgether ater all

AASHA: There's ne mre thng I haen't tld yu.VR What s that?AASHA: Ths!

AASHA weep back her love hair rom one ear

dramatically)VR (ap ) Jsephne's ther earrng!AASHA: Earrngs cme n pars, ater all, Justn.GAL: Bbby.NAASHA: Bbby Regge Rbnsd s the rghtul wner the

emerald earrngs. ne them dsappeared years ag and

ended up, Gd knws hw, n the nncent pssessn my mther, unregarded and unrecgnzed untl last nghtwhen Regge ntced t amng her trnkets. He called mymther a the and let t telegraph the Naples plce,takng the emerald back t hs cabn, where yu und t!As r ths ne, t was stlen recently rm hs sute n teGrand Htel n Mnte Carl wasn't t, Tmkns?

VR I cannt deny t NATASHA: (Paionately) h, tell me t was just a mment

madness! Yu're nt really a jewel theVR I am I hae always been. I was the llage jewel the and

I went n rm there - regnal - natnal - nternatnal !I'e been stealng earrngs, necklaces, bracelets and the

ccasnal tara all my adult leNATASHA: But why?VR Wh knws? Perhaps I was stared aectatn as a

chld. (aping) That's a typng errr, s t? ( hotileilence) h, I see Whe we'e stpped, hw wuld smecrpral get hld the Empress Jsephne's earrngs?Des that seem dd t anybdy? (Paue) Rght. (euming)



dd o o o ou o - wd u d w o wvr od. w r

NATASA: Fr!GAL : Boy!

NATASA: Boy!V: , w r you o o do, o?NATASA: v o o My or rd

oo u r r d o vry ow, ud, o o o ,y uo or vr ror d B V yr Boy o wo o udr r

V: w, uy v ud y NATASA: , w i your ?V: rr Grd o y v

Hyury you ry w o ow v uor ooury d ox owr o wr

d u y vr ud v vr u or y w wy oo ru u ov!

NATASA: (o) w w w o do, u!GAL : GrdNATASA: Grd O w oo youv ! ou u v

ow o w u w you ou rr o vry you o ro!

V: ood o o o roo w urd od o r d vw

NATASA: ou oo r d vw o vw L, owr o

odo?V: aping) y vr oow , you ow A w

v v o o od w ur o o or wo ry r or u r rr o p tty r o Hrrod w vw y w uy o



NAASHA: po? Te errig ws cluced i m liles

IVOR: I ws i our lile poNAASHA: I's obscee M scrip ss sIVOR: All e oers s po

NAASHA: Rrrig(he starts to leave) • GAL: FisNAASHA: (etuing) Tk ou

(t this moment the ladies of the CHORS, dressed against theweather, stagger on caing a bundle which tus out to beADAM, half drowned, wrapped in a blanket)

IVOR: (Bafed) Is is rig?(he rest of the dialogue is more chaotic and confused than onpaper)

NAASHA: M God !GAL: Sd bck - pu im i e cair!NAASHA: ppeed?

GAL: Soup! Ge some soup!RAI : (ntering) e's al l rig - e umped io e sea N A ASHA: Adm drlig ou' re all we - o I'm so sorr - I

ca expli i o ouGAL: e mus kow w e's weRAI : Sop mkig suc uss e's come o o rm allNAASHA: Bu wo sved im?

DVORN ICHEK enters wearing a bathrobe. is hai is wet ecaies a cognac on a tray, and dam's dripping hat, a boater)

DVORNICHEK : ere we re sir! Oe cogcRAI : A lsNAASHA: vorie!DVORNICHEK: No problem

RAI reaches for the cognac but NAASHA intercepts it andstarts eeding it to ADAM our sir

NAASHA: rlig GAL: Sould' we ke im o is cbi?RAI : e c' reerse i is cbi we'd ever ge e pio

i ere or sr



(o CHOS ae o sad ao e a mee o o oby ick? s asma me e savemae

N A ASHA: Fo Gods sae, ado -RAI : Fo Hs ad o me ad o eas o os, sop

po ad pc p o paasoGAL: B os o o pa e pao?RAI : Mp - ?DVORNICHEK : a sRAI : eve o o e e Ca o ead msc?DVONICHEK: No poemGAL : Ae o seos?RAI : as ee a da o cosa ad voos epo

m o pepaed o de a o o a moe Be DVORN ICHEK bangs the piano ks and the ladies of theCHOR, still dressed in oilskins, assemble theelves forasablanca'

NAASHA: (ings:

M moe se aas od saees paces a sod sa,Do dsema Gese o aAd oe peec sae oa Madaa s so o OK, e a e sa ao e BaB eve dop aco CasaacaAd speca o o mae da

M moe se aas od saees vss a sod pa,amm e doc VadvosocWod e eea ecoed OK,

ea a Boma s o ose a LAm amos ase ao Gaa Ba -CHORS : B eve eve eve dop aco Casaaca

Ad speca o o mae daCHORS dance off NAASHA and IVOR detach themselvesan take up their characters

AASHA: Js

66



IVOR h, Ilona.NAASHA Mother is coming up for sale this afternoon.IVOR I know all about it. Reggie is with the radio ofcer trying

to contact the muNAASHA The Emir?

IVOR No, no, theres been a mixup with the sister ships. Themu has reached Aths and he girls who were supposedto be deliered to the Casbah cash in adane are rnningaround takng pictures of the Acropolis.

NAASHA h ustin !DVRNICHEK Gerald.NAASHA Gerald, what sha I do?IVOR I cant see any problem. Your mother is for sale. I will

buy her. Theres only one thing I need from you, Ilona.NAASHA f course!

( IVOR take her earng)IVOR So it s farewell to the SackilleStew emeralds . It s funny

how little they mean to me now. It is I who hae been

robbed, for you hae stolen my heart (ng Youstole my heart and made an honest man of me!RAI I cant bear it. Murphy! Get me a cognac.DVORNICHEK Yes, sir.RAI Bring the bottle. Hae one yourself.DVORNICHEK (eaving) Thank you, sir. Two bottles of cognac.RAI Stock characters, stock situation, stock economy of

expression. What seemed to be delightful and ingenious, like aching pocket watch, turns out to be a clankng medieal townhal clock where nothng happens for fteen mnutes and then acouple of stiff gures trundle into iew and ht a cracked bell witha hamer - bonk ! - ustin is a jewel thief! Bon! Reggie is SirReginald! Bonk! Mother is sold to whiteslaers! Bonk!

Predictable from top to bottom -VOR I tk its just the last part, really.RAI Bonk! ewel tief reformed by loe of good woman!

Bon! They wi te med doubles at pingpong! Bonk!(hi IVOR' big mment)

VOR Excuse me, Turai. I th I mght be able to help you onths one.



TURAI : O r?IVOR : Ys T c is wi o r wr i i,

Ns d wr kig bo dig d wog i ws bi bok bok, do o kow?

TURAI: (old) bg or prdo?

IVOR : W, w did A bi prdicb, w og (oNATASHA id w?NATASHA: Ys or o bok bokTURAI : Bok bk?IVOR : Ys W, s o kow, cri gi or, w,

words, r TURAI : How wod kow sic o ws go o

sc rob o coc i?NATASA: No so mc ords s constctionIVOR : Ts i - wodr soris TURAI: (ncredulous) To wom?NATASHA : (nap ) L im is, dor!IVOR : W, og d sor o i is og d p

p o ppr d Ns d workd p isc i od i s o do i or o A rig?TURAI : m bor ds r cord sc

brss d cors wo wo k ir rosrs o, d cors who wo c psg, cors wowo work wi cs or i proics, i sor d rom cors r kid o irrc wi risicprocss b r d cor wi roro rite

IVOR : s, ook r, Tri TURAI : T r o i!NATASHA: dor!TURAI : W, pr, is brd o or i sc?

IVOR : sppos o cod s i ws ss bok bok dmor iccpTURAI : Hiccp?IVOR: Ys O mor boossgir bor bogsgr . GAL: (nterested) How do o ci ?NATASHA: o grs o mrr ggi, w

oc ir ggm, Mor s srics bcs68



she can't marr her wn father and he truth cmes ut sIna is free t marr ustin after a I thught it was ratherceer, actua e dne, Ir.

TRAI : Ga, hae u eer heard anthing ike iGAL: Yes, but et's nt dismiss it n that accunt ( NATASHA)

here d we g frmIVOR and NATASHA: Mther is cming up fr sae thisafternn'(NATASHA and IVOR resume their characters )

IVOR: I knw It' s rtten uck . A t east n ne is ike t buher

NATASHA: That's jus where u're wrng Reggie is ging tbu her

IVOR: Reggie That's disgusting T think that an Engishman NATASHA: N, n, he's buing her fr meIVOR: h, I seeNATASHA: Yu knw what this means, ustinIVOR: e' hae ur mther arund again.

NATASHA: Apart frm that. I hae td Reggie that I wi marrhimIVOR: hatNATASHA: I must t's a matter f hnurIVOR: I wi utbid himNATASHA: ith whatIVOR: Yu're right, na I hae neer put anthing aside fr

he future, nt a singe cuink. ait - I 's nt t ae Ihae sten the earring twice, I can stea it again

NATASHA: It is t ate Lk - (she sweeps back her lvely hair,bth sides) m engagement present frm Reggie

IVOR: The ackieew pearsGAL: merads

IVOR: 'e made it pearsGAL: hIVOR: e -NATASHA: It's cmpete impausibe that a bab cud swaw

an emerad A pear is much better - babies are awasswawing them

GAL: But it was in ur itte st



NAASHA: No, i was i m ie oGAL : You said i was obsceeNAASHA: A emerad would be obscee A ear is erec

swee (esuming) Goodbe, JusiVOR: Le me iss ou oe as ime

(ADAM has been slly coming t life and taking an interestBut, having done so, he has lost intest. e has decided toleave. e begins to depart in an ehausted kind of way, a itseems that e might go out of earshot before the critical part ofthe scene aves . . . but noticing him going, VOR andNAASHAforge ahad resolutely, a as ADAM begins torecognize the words he halts )

NAASHA : Jus his oce Bu do ge carried awa(he lifts hair)here

VOR: M darig!NAASHA: Now ou a iss meVOR: M age!

NAASHA: Now, ou romsed o o ge carried awaVOR: I ca he i!NAASHA: Youre o goig o begi agai!VOR: Yes, agai! Ad agai! Ad aga! I ove ou, I adore ou,

I worshi ou! I worshi ou as he moh worshis hecade ame! I ove ou as Eie ower oves he ie eeccoud ha daces aroud i i he summer breeze (GAL and ADAM have tud to look at each oth inamazement)

NAASHA: You soo orge me!GAL : Excuse me Wha was ha he said?N A ASHA: Pease do ierru (esuming) You soo orge

me

VOR: No, o, I m mad abou ou! Bu ouve ucked ou mhear ike he oive ou o a dr Marii a d dashed me romour is!

NAASHA: Do soi everhig weve had ogeherGAL : Forgive me - (e comes to RA ) Excuse me urai RA : Wha is i?GAL: (Quietly) Ca o remember? Weve heard his beore

70



RAI I thought t seemed fama hs he gt t fm Sadu

GA N - we head t ast nght!RAI Last - ! Of cuse !VOR hats gng n Ths snt fa t my wk

RA I (o IVOR Theeme Fge me Cay nNAAHA Cme, ge me yu hands - I w emembe yubeautfu hands such cee, wcked hands, t, when Ithnk f what they hae dneADAM and GA are in a jful embrace from which GAdetaches himself to speak to RAI quietly )

GA hat fs we ae! Taken n cmpetey !RA I kwNAAHA ht ae yu whspeng abutRAI Ga s a tte cncened abut Is handsIVOR hat abut themRAI Ina cas them beautfu, and audences ae t stupd

Pehaps yu can wea ges

IVOR Padn me, but Ie gt the hands f a nstRAI u hae the posture f a nst but the hands f abutche by Its shee anty t wte yusef nes kethat

NAAHA (rossly) Can we get n, pease (esuming) Pease bea gd by Remembe ths aftenn ee, et me kssyu

VOR Thats t a kss, thats a tp Let the whe wd kwIm a dashed Mat!

NAAHA Thats t tue u w aways be the st I was ag and yu made me a wma If I had ten husbands, ne ca take yu pace But Im engaged t be mae spease be kd and eae me w

VOR A ght, I w Oy et me see yu as I want temembe yu Lft yu ha et me me yu ca justa tte -

NAAHA Oh, yu e mpssbe what ae yu dngVOR One st k - ne tuch - I beg yu ! Oh, that pnk

uded pefect! Let me put my ps t ts sysmthess!

7 1



GAL: Hr arriVOR: Ad or oGAL: Hr or arriVOR: Ho bai a r!TRA : o!

ADAM: Naaa!TRA : Ti i roi!VOR: a did o ik i ra?TRA : o"doADAM: (Without pause) , i i i do odr!TRA : o o i ood!ADAM: (Without pause) o i b a r NATAA: (ealizn) Adam - !ADAM: ( o NATA A o r odr r ikd o

br or od o mor!GAL: (ealizin) a, Adam, m bo -AD AM : (ai) o Aammbo m - i m oiio or

kock Ga ad Trai ad akar io a cockd a

TRA : (ealizin) Ho xraordarADAM: or, m ak o b adVOR : Ho do o do? r ra aid oADAM: Ho, o, oNATAA: Adam! or ak!ADAM: O cor am !NATAA: or crd!

ADAM hesitates ealizi)ADAM: Good a (Pause) o amNATAA: o o! o o! (Pause) Adam?

ADAM pause but he is teasin)ADAM: (apidly) o o, o o, o o Ak m a

qio - qick - a qio

NATAA: i o marr m?ADAM: nstant) io iaio, bca o o, oo, o oDVORNCK with a conac lass and a bottle on a tray haswalked in on this e appoaches TRA

DVORNCK: Hr ar, ir - o coacADAM snatches the bottle and lass )

72



ADAM: Thank yu nchek! I le yu t! I leeeybdy!(e lls the glass and unexpectedly hands it t RAI RItakes i t gravely )Yu cgnac!

RAI : At last. (nd dn� it)(he telephne ringsDAM picks up the telephne )

ADAM: (nt telephne) Yes Adam Adam hee thecnesatnalst . . . ell captan! At thu sleepngthee belw . . . ang n Ill ask hm. ( RAI aeyu had a chance t lk thugh ll in the ame Bat?

RAI : I wll hae t ask my lteay cnsultant.DVORNICHEK: peless.RAI : peless.ADAM: (nt the telephne) peless! ADAM hangs up ) e

seemed upset.(he ship's hter sunds mment later the bat shudders and

evething starts t sway again as the bat mves back int thewrng directin)RI : Sme peple cant take cnstucte ctcsm.DVORNICHEK: Ealy pase snt gd them. Let them

stuggle therwse theyll neer ste peectn wtng ewtng up t t last mnute.

RAI : Qute get me a cgnac .DVORNICHEK: Yue gt ne n yu hand. Bunng the

mdnght l.RAI : I want tw cgnacs.DVORNICHEK: The bttles thee. tng thugh the nght.ADAM: ( DVORN IC HE K hat was thatDVORNICHEK: hat was what

ADAM: M Tura was up wtng thugh the nghtDVORN IC HE K: (Pause ) Prblem!ADAM: hat a l Ie been.

( IVOR Ir dd yu wte that scene whle we wee neaulle I asked yu a questn. d yu wte thatscene

NAASHA: O cuse he dd! Answe hm I!

73



GL: He ca seak Hes go Adams disease(e has)

D M : (o UR I) I owe o everig o ad Mr Ga oare m beeacors m rieds I kow a o wo ieo m e

URI : Ad o are qie rig I am icaabe o ig o oo are ike a so o me o are more o are oideaism o are e re o ie o o wod be acrime

DM: Did Ivor wrie a scee?URI : ver wordGL : ak GodNS: o see!DM: (ot celebrating yet) e I ave oe more qesioURI : o wis o kow i a case wa was workig o

as ig?DM: esURI : I wi e o exac Las ig I reaied we were o

e wrog boaGL : o New ork?URI : o Casabaca o are rig abo e edig o are

rig abo e begiig ad e midde is seakabe Iave se e da i a ago o idecisio b ow mmid is made e odo is a dd ad we ave o sceer ere ad ow

GL : B were coraced o arrive i New ork wi URI : A mc beer sor is sarig s i e aceGL: Was a?URI: he ise of the muDVORNIEK: Mc beerDM: O ak God!

URI : I og od ike iDM: No o I mea - o orgive me!NS: Adam wa is a is abo?DM: Noig a sorm i a eao! I ove o a over agai!

He was wriig e crise o e oer ig!GL: We weve go or das Were do we sar?

URI : We 74



GA I knw wth phy DVORNICHEK e sGA N actally I meant . .DVORNICHEK N pblem. Its lke ths. The mu nde the

cmmand f a handsme yng captan wh s nawae

that n bad thee i� a beatfl stwaway whnbeknwnst t hm and t he s a mssng heess sccmnagatng the glbe wth a fll cmplement fFench tats wh ae gnant f the fact that the whteslaes lttle knwng that thee has been a mxp wth thesste shps ntend t take e the bat wth Pepe theSlent.

RAI h the hell s Pepe th e SlentDVORNICHEK The whteslaes gly henchman whs had hs

tnge ct t and s slently n le wth the mssngheess s saes he lfe and emans slent whle she ges ffwth the man she les; ey mng sally.

RAI Fsh ye a lcky man.

( IVOR tes to spea)Adam hw ae the ceate jcesADAM Flwng nnstp!

(ADAM dances NAASHA off stage )RAI Cme n Gal w e hae wk t dIVOR (Finally) w dd he knw all that

(his has taen evebody except DVORNICHEK and RAI

offstage )RAI w did y knw all thatDVORNICHEK Its the captans manscpt s.RAI It sDVORNICHEK e cant wte bt he has a cetan gft f

cnstctn and absltely n gnal deas f any knd.

Gd lck s and may I say what a please t s t seey s y ae f I may say s s te a swell .RAI phy hae a cgnac.DVORNICHEK Thank y s.RAI By the way can y sngDVORNICHEK N pblem.

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Documents

Stoppard, Tom - Rough Crossing (Faber & Faber, 1985)