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Taking Action Against Addiction: An At-Risk TeenDescribes How to Keep Addictions out of YourTeenager's Life

By Catherine H. Knott, Ph.D.

"Brendan" is six feet tall, with shoulder-length reddish brown hair, good looks, and a quietvoice. He fits anyone's definition of an at-risk teen. He lives with his brother and theirsingle mother, who struggles financially while she spends long hours divided between herjob and finishing her own college degree. She is often away in the evenings.

In addition, the family deals daily with the residue of serious domestic violence from theboys' alcoholic father. They have moved several times in the past few years. But Brendan,who just turned 18 and is about to enter his senior year of high school, is making goodgrades. His brother, age 16, blond and popular, was recently named high school JuniorProm King, and is now busy training for a pole vaulting competition. Brendan himself drawspositive attention from his science teachers for his excellent work, runs on the cross-country team, and makes movies based on classic literature.

While both of these young men have experimented with alcohol and marijuana, they havestayed away from more serious illegal drugs, and have consciously made choices to avoidabusing drugs and alcohol in the future.

How have these two young men avoided the pitfalls of alcohol and drug abuse andaddiction? I recently interviewed Brendan and asked him to describe what helped him stayaway from drugs, what mistakes he saw his friends make, and what he would suggest, froma teen perspective, for parents of teenagers today. I also talked to his mother, to get herperspective on what helps her teenagers survive and thrive. Finally, I talked to a socialworker who knows the family, to find out what she thinks is going right in this family, and

what ways they could do even better during the vulnerable teen years. Each had adifferent story about why things worked; together, they demonstrate what success canlook like.

Brendan's StoryThe number of teens abusing drugs and alcohol rises in the summertime. Sometimes,Brendan says, it is difficult for him to stay busy and find ways to meet with his high schoolfriends over the summer. Summer can be boring and lonely if friends are away visitingrelatives, which makes it a likely time for teens to turn to drugs and alcohol forexcitement.

Brendan has found a job that helps him stay busy, mostly doing landscaping work by

himself. He wishes the small town he lives in would have more places for teens to meet -maybe a park or climbing wall, and regular, sponsored dances, even with adultsupervision. He likes to socialize with larger groups of teens, as well as a small circle ofgood friends.

But Brendan has also made clear choices for himself and when talking with me, he is ableto isolate several factors that he believes are the most important for teenagers who aretrying to stay away from drugs and alcohol.

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1. Staying in touch with a parent. Brendan emphasizes the importance of teens andparents staying in touch during the day and in the evening. That means that heneeds to know how to reach his mom, and she needs to know where to find him.Cell phones are great for teens, he says, though he admits that not all teens arehonest about their whereabouts when they are on the phone with parents. Brendansays he and his mom have established a pattern of nightly check-in calls.

"Usually I call my mom around 9 p.m., and let her know what the plan is fromthere." Week nights that means he is home in time to go to bed at a reasonablehour; weekends he has a little more freedom, and might even stay overnight with afriend. His mom makes sure she knows the people he stays with.

2. Dealing with peer pressure. Brendan sees himself as a leader in his peer group,and says that he doesn't really worry about what other people think of him. He sayshe has a pretty strong will, and can say no when friends are doing something hedoes not want to do. He chooses his good friends carefully.

"I like to have friends all about the same age. I have a triangle of three friends - I'musually at one of those friends' houses. We don't have the opportunity to get out

and party with older people much. None of us has a car." He is also supportive ofhis younger brother and says, "He never has to worry about people's opinion of him,because he's my brother."

3. The importance of neighborhood. Brendan notes the importance of theneighborhood in reinforcing values about drugs and alcohol. "When I have kids, I'dmake sure I lived in a good neighborhood. If your kids are around people who arederelict, or abusers, they tend to think that's normal. One of my friends lives in asmall house, and three of the neighbor kids' parents are drunk a lot. Their kidsdidn't turn out so good, probably because they saw their parents drinking toomuch. My friend's parents are very straight and narrow when it comes to drinking,but because he is exposed to these other families, he thinks it is more normal. Hehas more of a drinking problem than any of my other friends."

4. Being able to leave a bad situation. "Most of the time I can be a good influencewith this friend. But if it is a bad situation, I usually just leave. Because it is asmall town here, I can usually walk home pretty easily." If he is at a party fartheraway, a cell phone becomes a critical tool for getting a ride home quickly, or evenjust calling his mother to talk to her about the situation.

5. Summer jobs for older teens living at home. Brendan thinks it helps teenagers,

including him, to have a job for the long summer months. That way he has to actresponsibly. If he wants to get paid, he has to get regular sleep, get up early, andshow up to his job on time, ready to put in a hard day's work. "Making your kids geta job is a good way to keep your kids from getting into trouble," he says.

6. Staying involved with sports. Brendan believes the best thing he and his brotherdo to keep away from drugs and alcohol is their active participation in sports. BothBrendan and his brother stay involved year round in different sports.

"Sports are good protection against peer pressure - but only if you really like andare committed to the sport. I do cross-country and track - I like to run. Teams aregood, too, because you can make good friends and get support. My plan for my ownkids would be to involve them in soccer. All the soccer kids seem to do really wellin school, and it doesn't seem like they do as many drugs or drink as much."

Brendan comments that while there is a kind of stigma attached to playing sports,it isn't necessarily bad. Peers understand that teens involved in sports have to stay

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healthy and strong. "I like to keep my body healthy," Brendan says. "I drink a lot oforange juice and take vitamins."

Brendan's frank assessment of the risks he faces and the approaches that work for him andhis friends can help parents understand what teenagers need in a risky world where teensare exposed to drugs and alcohol at earlier and earlier ages. Brendan's comments about

the importance of sports are especially enlightening because they highlight the importanceof healthy stimulation of the natural dopamine pathways in the brain.

Human beings have been walking and running for thousands of years. Scientific researchpublished just this year shows that the "runner's high" is actually the result of stimulationof the same brain centers and neuro-chemical pathways that drugs and alcohol (or fallingin love) stimulate.

Part of the epidemic of drug and alcohol abuse in our culture may stem from ourincreasingly sedentary lifestyles. As our children spend more time indoors doing sedentaryactivities, their bodies and minds cry out for the natural brain stimulation that morephysical activity creates. When they lack physical activity, teens may be more likely to

turn to drugs or alcohol to activate the pleasure centers in the brain.

Brendan's Mother's StoryInterestingly, Brendan's mother reiterated almost all of the points Brendan made. Shetalked about the importance of sports and solid friendships. But she also commented onthe roles that various adults play in her children's lives, and how important these authorityfigures are. Favorite teachers who comment positively on Brendan's work have made acritical difference in his life, she thinks. Relatives and adult friends who are willing to helpthe boys with work or projects make them feel cared for and valued.

Recently, a relative asked what she could do to help, and Brendan's mother suggestedhelping these young men take a trip to see an aunt and uncle in another city - as an

adventure, and as a way for the relatives to show that they appreciated their growingmaturity and independence.

But most important of all is this mother's approach to communicating with her teenagers.She communicates unconditional love, accepts their mistakes, and talks openly andfrequently with them about everything from drugs and sex to their changing bodies andthe stresses of what they have faced together as a family. She talks a great deal, andlistens a great deal as well. She doesn't hesitate to point out to them when she feels theyare making poor choices. She also makes sure they have counselors to talk to when theyneed them. And when she needs help for herself, she asks for it.

The Social Worker's Story"Mary" has a master's degree in social work and spends her working hours helping at-riskfamilies educate themselves about how to raise healthy, happy children. She has workedmore than 20 years in this field, and knows Brendan's family well. She thinks that Brendan'smother has done an amazing job rescuing her family from a very difficult situation, andhelping her children and herself to be their best, strongest selves.

She discussed several options Brendan's mother has to improve their family situation evenmore. "It's really important that she stay home more in the evenings, even if that meansrescheduling some of her other plans," Mary said. She described how important it is for

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teenagers, and even young adults, to know that an adult is at home, even if the adult isbusy in another room. Friends can become a problem if they come over when parents arenot home, and are already drinking or drunk or using drugs. More and more communitiesare holding parents accountable for activities taking place in their homes even when theyare not there. Supervision is critical, for everyone's sake.

In addition, Mary stressed the importance of eating meals together. While single parentsoften feel too busy to cook, and teens may be reluctant to sit down at family meals, a2006 study by the National Center for Addiction and Substance Abuse at ColumbiaUniversity suggests that teens who have five or more dinners a week with their families areless likely to try marijuana, smoke cigarettes, or drink alcohol (Hoffman and Froemke,eds. 2007:108).

In other words, connection and caring count. Cooking doesn't hurt, either. Perhaps one ofthe strongest messages from all three perspectives - Brendan's, his mother's, and Mary's - isthat making sure that happiness, pleasure, and purpose are available in safer forms,including physical activity, unconditional love, and sharing food and family, can deterteens from substance abuse. They already have the only substances they really need - the

unconditional love of others, and a full and active life.

References:"Addiction: Why Can't They Just Stop?: New Knowledge. New Treatments. New Hope"Hoffman, John, and Susan Froemke, eds. 2007. New York: Rodale Inc.

"Addictions and Risky Behaviors" Rebman, Renee. 2006. Berkeley: Enslow Publishers, Inc.