Teach Child Addict Patterns

8/3/2019 Teach Child Addict Patterns

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Therapists Overview

AM I TEACHING MY CHILDREN

ADDICTIVE PATTERNS?

GOALS OF THE EXERCISE

1. Understand the relationship between addictive behavior and parentchild

conflicts.

2. Understand how parental behaviors contribute to multigenerational cycles

of addiction.

3. Improve parenting skills by learning to role model healthy and nonaddictive

behaviors.

ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS FOR WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BEUSEFUL

Adult-Child-of-an-Alcoholic (ACOA) Traits

Childhood Trauma

Family Conflicts

Treatment Resistance

SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH CLIENT

The Am I Teaching My Children Addictive Patterns? activity is intended for

clients at risk of transmitting addictive behavior patterns to their children. It

aims to increase motivation for recovery by helping clients see how these

behaviors increase the risk of the next generation falling into similar patterns. It

lists patterns of addictive thinking and behavior and asks clients to provide

examples and then think of ways to model healthy alternatives. This activity is

suitable for use as an individual or group exercise, in session or as homework.

Follow-up can include tracking strategies for change identified in the exercise,

as well as videotherapy with films such as Riding In Cars With Boys or others

recommended in the book Rent Two Films and Lets Talk in the Morning by John

W. Hesley and Jan G. Hesley, also published by John Wiley & Sons.

SECTION XXVII: PARENTCHILD RELATIONAL PROBLEM


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EXERCISE XXVII.A

AM I TEACHING MY CHILDREN

ADDICTIVE PATTERNS?

For just about all parents, one of our most cherished hopes is to give our

children good childhood experiences. Many of us who grew up in families with

problems promised ourselves wed do better than our parents were able to do.

One of the worst things about addictive patterns is that they, with their

complications, tend to be passed on to our children. Think back on your ownfamily history. How many generations back do the patterns go? Do you suppose

the generations before you felt the same way, not wanting to pass the problems

on to their children? Why did it happen anyway? It seems simply wanting to do

better isnt enough.

First, we cant teach what we havent had the chance to learn. Second, it

may not be obvious that these patterns of thinking, feeling, and behavior are

connected with addiction, so we may be setting our children up to repeat our

problems without knowing were doing it. In this exercise well look at attitudes

and habits of thought that seem to be built into addictive lifestyles, so you can

work to break the generational cycle. Please take a look at these patterns, list

ways you may have been role-modeling them for your children, and decide what

you will do to change each one.

1. Dishonesty. Lying to ourselves and others, stealing, putting on a front, and

mind games (e.g., denial, blaming, rationalizing, focusing on looking good

over inner qualities).

Ways Ive modeled or taught dishonesty to my children:

Ways Ill model and teach honesty:

2. Self-centeredness and using people. Putting our own wants ahead of the

well-being and feelings of others; manipulation, controlling, and objectifying

others. This includes being careless about hurting other people; not trying to

see things from the other persons point of view; treating others as tools by

conning, bullying, kissing up, deliberate button-pushing, etc.

Ways Ive modeled or taught self-centeredness and using people to my


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children:


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EXERCISE XXVII.A

Ways Ill model and teach consideration and respect for others:

3. All or nothing thinking. Seeing ourselves, others, and situations in over-

simplified extremesperfectionism, calling ourselves or others stupid or bad

for normal mistakes, feeling we are either better or worse than everyoneelse, over-dramatizing normal problems into disasters.

Ways Ive modeled or taught all or nothing thinking to my children:

Ways Ill model and teach realistic, shades-of-gray thinking:

4. Doing things to excess. Going overboard with using, drinking, eating,

spending, work, greed, or any activity, often leading to painful

consequences.

Ways Ive modeled or taught going to excess to my children:

Ways Ill model and teach moderation:

5. Impulsiveness. Lack of self-control, not enough attention to the

consequences of our actions.

Ways Ive modeled or taught impulsiveness to my children:

Ways Ill model and teach maturity and self-control:

6. Impatience and unrealistic expectations. Expecting instant gratification

intolerance for frustration or delays; wishful thinking, perfectionism.

Ways Ive modeled or taught impatience to my children:

Ways Ill model and teach patience:

7. Isolation from others. Lack of trust, poor communication, loneliness, judging

ourselves by different standards (usually harsher) than we apply toeveryone else, refusal to ask for help.

Ways Ive modeled or taught isolation to my children:

Ways Ill model and teach connection to others:


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EXERCISE XXVII.A

8. Shame. Low self-esteem, feeling that we are

defective/stupid/ugly/crazy/bad, feeling that if we fail at something or do

bad things were bad people.

Ways Ive modeled or taught shame to my children:

Ways Ill model and teach self-respect:

Be sure to bring this handout back to your next therapy session, and be

prepared to talk about your thoughts and feelings about the exercise.

Documents

Teach Child Addict Patterns