The 10 most important things you can do to survive your grief and get on with life. When someone we love dies, it’s so easy to curl up in a corner and be miserable, but we all know that it won’t do us any good. We are most likely going to be in shock and numb for weeks or months. Often we become frightened of many normal tasks, like banking or driving or facing people. But it’s like when you fall off a horse, the best thing to do is to get back on. Be brave and do the things that worry you to get over your fear. That is the only way you’re going to rebuild your shattered confidence.

Here are what I think are 10 of the most important things you can do to help you get through and rebuild your life.

• 1. Make yourself go out and socialize with family and friends and any groups you belong to. The longer you avoid facing people, the harder it gets.

• 2. Tell everyone “I’m fine” even if you’re not and save your real feelings for one special friend and closest family. As my old Dad said, “no-one wants to know you when you’re miserable”.

• 3. Ask for help when you need it. If you start to cry and just can’t stop, ring your best friend to come round and sit with you.

• 4. Face your fears. If you are afraid of driving or doing the banking on your own, get some help, and learn how to do it again.

Sometimes it’s very hard to motivate yourself, but it does get easier, and you do start to feel more normal after a while. If you convince everyone else you’re OK, eventually you convince yourself too.

It doesn’t mean you’re not grieving. You are, but you don’t have to be miserable 24 hours a day. Live your life, and your loved one would have been proud of you for doing it.

Go on, show your loved ones that you can do it. Think positive and see what a difference it can make. Go back to our pages on dealing with grief to reinforce your commitment whenever things get rough. I am walking this pathway with you too.

My very best wishes and good luck, Betty

www.griefandsympathy.com

• 5. Don’t wallow in self-pity. Refuse to feel sorry for yourself. If feelings of self-pity creep in turn them around and choose to think more positively. Life is precious and it’s your time now. Make the most of every day.

• 6. Try not to get involved in the blame game. Accept that it was time for your loved one to go, and it was no-one’s fault.

• 7. Look after your health. Not just your physical health but your emotional, mental, social and financial health – for details have a look at our Grief and Health page .

• 8. Express yourself through a journal, painting or music. For inspiration have a look at our page on the benefits of creativity in grief.

• 9. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself a glass of wine, a nice hot bath, a good film, a holiday with family or a friend.

• 10. And last by not least don’t forget to laugh. It may be the last thing you feel like doing, but humour can be a great help to get you through. You don’t have to be miserable all the time.