The Child is the Father to the Man

7/29/2019 The Child is the Father to the Man

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The Child Is the Father to the

Man: 9 Foundational Habits

Young Men Should Start Now to

Raise Themselves Rightby Brett & Kate McKay on September 16, 2013 53 comments

inA Man's Life

Awhile back I was driving through the place where I grew up

Edmond, Oklahomaand happened to pass by my old high school.This wasnt an unusual event; I now live just an hour and a half from

Edmond and my parents still reside there, so Im back fairly frequently

and sometimes pass the school. But this time something was different.

On past occasions, I would be hit with a rush of nostalgia and memories

of my days there would vividly come back to me. This time, however, I

feltnothing. Cognitively I thought, Theres my old high school, but

no emotional wires were tripped. It seemed like just another building

my feeling of strong personal connection to it had disappeared.

As I drove on and contemplated this change and the distance I realized I

now felt towards my youth in general, a quote from Theodore

Roosevelt I had read years earlier came back to me: The child is fatherto the man. When I first came across the quote, it had puzzled me. I

couldnt really grasp what it meant. But as I drove past the home of the

Edmond North Huskies, I began to understand it.

Roosevelt, I learned, was not the originator of the quotehe was in fact

referencing a poem by William Wordsworth:

My heart leaps up when I behold

A rainbow in the sky:So was it when my life began;

So is it now I am a man;So be it when I shall grow old,

Or let me die!

The Child is father of the Man;

And I could wish my days to be

Bound each to each by natural piety.

What Wordsworth had in mind with these lines is the idea that a mans

passions, interests, curiosity, and penchant for awe and wonderment are

born in youth and run an unsevered thread into adulthood. While some

adults forgot the childlike joy of their younger years, Wordsworth

believed it was still within them waiting to be rediscovered.

This is a worthy idea, and one that few men embraced with the vigor of

Theodore Roosevelt, who bounded through his entire life with an

unflagging boyish enthusiasm. But when TR professed that the child is

the father of the man, he had something much different in mind, as he

writes in his autobiography:
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Looking back, a man really has a more objective feeling about himself

as a child than he has about his father or mother. He feels as if that

child were not the present he, individually, but an ancestor; just as

much an ancestor as either of his parents. The saying that the child is

the father to the man may be taken in a sense almost the reverse of that

usually given to it. The child is father to the man in the sense that his

individuality is separate from the individuality of the grown-up into

which he turns. This is perhaps one reason why a man can speak of hischildhood and early youth with a sense of detachment.

At a certain point in your lifeif youre like me, it will happen in

your late twentiesyou will begin to experience the phenomenon of

which TR speaks. The person you were as a boy and a young man will

begin to seem like another individual, rather separate from your grown-

up self. Its a strange thing to experience. Its not that you lose

memories of your past, or necessarily let go of the youthful ideals and

traits that Wordsworth cherished, but simply that your boyhood self and

your current self come to seem like two distinct individuals.

Why does this cleaving between youth and adulthood occur? Surely

some of it can be chalked up to the simple passage of time; as you grow

older, your memories, and thus the attachment you feel to your past,

become hazier. But it is also likely has its roots in neurology.As wediscussed in ourpost about twentysomethings, your brain does not

finish setting up until around your mid-twenties, which is alsonot

coincidentally, I would arguearound the time that your youthful self

will begin to seem more like a distinct entity. The brain of your youth is

not the brain of your adulthood, and the latter can remember and view

the former almost as an outside observer.

What Kind of Man Are You Going to Father?

All this may be interesting to ponder, but it also has two practical

implications that are vital for young men to understand.

First, what your present self wants and desires probably isnt going to

be what your future self wants and desires. When were young, were

typically more present-focused. We worry about what can give us

pleasure NOW and not ten years from now. So we spend money insteadof save it, eat like crap, and play video games all night long, instead of

eating right, exercising, and seeking experiences that will grow our

minds and character. Sure, pleasure-oriented pursuits feel good in the

moment, but our future selves will probably prefer to have more moneyin the bank and less blubber around our mid-sections.

Second, at this very moment, you are creating or fathering the man

you will be in five, ten, and twenty years. So you want to be a
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successful, financially secure, physically fit, and well-adjusted forty-

year-old? What actions are you taking NOW as a twenty-year-old to

father that man? Just like one dayyoull need to be intentional about

fathering your biological children, right now you need to be intentional

about fathering your future self. Will you be an absentee dad who

leaves your 30-year-old self feeling lost and adrift? Or will you raise a

man who is intelligent, virtuous, and able to tackle life with confidence

and vigor? No one can control the kind of biological father they areborn with. But every young man can strive to be the best possible father

to his future self.

Doing this doesnt mean taking life too seriously and eschewing the fun

you should be having as a young adult. It simply means establishing a

set of foundational habits that will serve you well now and that you will

thank yourself for later.

As we explored in our series on your twenties,after your brain finishes

developing, changing your habits, while still possible, becomes harder.

For this reason, your youth is the best and easiest time to transformyourself into the man you want to become. The positive habits you

create as a young man will become a solid foundation you can build on

for the rest of your life. Whats more,research has found that simply

imagining yourself as an old person can increase your chances ofestablishing positive habits, like saving money.

Below are nine foundational habits that will help every young man raise

himself right.

1. Save 20% of Your Money

Many young men will say to themselves that when they finally start

making real money then theyll start saving. If only that were true. In

a post onthe financial regrets of college graduates, we mentioned that

the majority of men coming out of school wish they had started saving

sooner. It may seem hard when you dont have much income, but likeanything, starting small will increase your chances of future success

exponentially.

Make it a habit right now, no matter what your paycheck is, to put 20%

of your after-tax income into savings. The easy way to do it is to set up

an automatic transfer from your checking account to your savings

account the day after you get paid. That way, it comes right out of your

account just like a bill, and you dont even have to think about it. Dont
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be among the25% of Americanswho dont save at all. If you own a car

or a home, you know how stressful it can be when things inevitably go

awrythe air conditioner goes out, a tire gets punctured. Theres a

great sense of relief (and even pride) when you have the cash to handle

it instead of using credit.

2. Exercise Daily

Regular exercise providesa boatload of benefitsfrom improving

cardiovascular health, to fighting stress and depression, toincreasing

testosterone. Thus, there are few habits that will better ensure a lifetime

of success and well-being than making a daily workout a non-

negotiable part of your life. Instead of trying to get on the exercise

wagon when youre a tired, out-of-shape, middle-aged man with a lot of

responsibilities and very little time, make it a habit now when youre at

the top of your game. Regular exercise is a tough routine to start, but

once it becomes a solid habit, most people continue with it indefinitely.

The physical and psychological benefits become almost impossible to

give up.

3. Eat Healthy

If you want to avoid becoming a pot-bellied man, you need to establish

good eating habits today. Research has shown again and again that diet

is the biggest factor in maintaining a healthy weight.
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Unfortunately, many young men develop poor eating habits in high

school and college. With all-you-can-eat cafeterias and vending

machines all over campus, its easy for a poor diet to become the norm.

You can often get away with subsisting on pop tarts and pizza for a

while because of your scorching metabolism. But as you age and that

metabolism slows down, the junk food diet catches up with you and the

pounds start piling on. Develop healthy eating habits now, so you dont

have to struggle to do a one-eighty when youre facing down your ten-year reunion with a 40-inch waist. Healthy eating doesnt have to be

complicated; for a good place to start,check out Steve Kambs easy to

follow guide to the paleo diet over on Nerd Fitness.

4. Plan Weekly and Daily

If I were asked which habit has contributed most to my success and

well-being as an adult, Id have to say weekly and daily planning. The

power of planning lies in the perspective and control it provides for

your life; it gives you both a broad, birds-eye view of the maze that

must be navigated to achieve your long-term goals, and the ability to

manage the small, day-to-day tasks that are essential to reaching those

aims. Without daily and weekly planning, you end up getting distracted,

forgetting what you need to do, and ending each day with the restlessanxiety born from knowing you pretty much wasted your daylight

again.

Take a look at our post on weekly and daily planning for tips and ideas

on how to start this habit.

5. Read for Pleasure
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Readers are leaders. If you talk to principals and teachers they often say

that nothing predicts a students success as well as whether or not they

read independently. This isnt very surprising reading expands your

mind andvocabulary,increases your creativity and empathy, andboosts

your critical thinking skills and attention span. As a young man youll

have plenty of required reading assignments for school, but be sure to

also always be reading something for pleasure as well.

Not sure what book to pick up first? Check out ourrecommended

reading listsand join theAoM book club!

6. Brush and Floss

This may sound like a silly habit to mention, but think about it: you

only get one set of teeth during your lifetime. Its not like losing hair or

getting wrinkles which are largely cosmetic problems; there are all

kinds of negative correlations to poor oral heath, including an increased

risk of cancer.The Mayo Clinic even says that your oral hygiene andhealth offers a window to your overall health. Unless you want to drop

a small fortune on fixing your cavities and eventually replacing them

with veneers or dentures, you need to take care of the teeth (and gums)

nature gave you. So brush those pearly whites two times daily and floss

every night. Your future self will thank you every time he eats an appleor corn on the cob with aplomb.

7. Meditate
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There is probably no habit more important for a young man in the 21st

century to establish than daily meditation. With the constant barrage of

distractions were subject to in the modern age, if you dont learn to

discipline your mind now, you can easily find yourself lying on your

death bed reviewing your life, and seeing only visions of BuzzFeed andyour iPhone flash before your eyes. Not only does meditation increase

your willpower,but it also fights stress, improves your mental andphysical health, and boosts your resiliency. And heres even more proof

that meditation will help your future self: recentstudies have shown

that regular meditation can slow down the onset of dementia.

Read our primer on meditation. It doesnt take much to get started. Start

off with 5 minutes a day and work your way up to 20 minutes a day.

Lately Ive been usingcalm.comfor some fantastic (and free!) guided

meditations.

8. Journal

When I did a book signing at the Tankfarm store back in May, an AoM

reader and I chatted a bit aboutthe importance of journaling. He made

this rather rough, but astute analogy: Your body takes a sh** to keep

everything running smoothly. Every now and then your mind needs totake a dump, too. A journal is basically a toilet for the mind.

Amen.

As Ive admitted, Im not the most regular journaler, but I always feel

on top of my game when Im consistent with it. Theres something

cathartic about working out your problems with pen and paper.

Whenever Ive hit a wall in life, its often through journaling that I find

the solution. Moreover,studies have shown that regular journaling

improves your emotional and physical health.
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Not only will your future self be grateful for the sense of well-being the

journal habit will bring, hell also be thankful that he has a catalog of

all the important events that have occurred in his life. I know from my

own experience that I enjoy reading my journals from my high school

and college days. It allows me to relive those important moments in my

life, reminds me of the youthful ideals and goals I dont want to lose

sight of, and provides me with perspective on how much Ive

progressed as a man.

9. Serve

Im a big believer in the idea that service is the rent we pay for living

on earth. In one way or another, weve all benefited from the work and

sacrifice of generations before us and from the love and support of

those around us. Give back by providing regular service.

The great thing about serving is that the more we give, the more we get.

Service makes our lives more meaningful and is a potent antidote to the

increasing narcissism in our culture.

What foundational habits do you think men should start when theyre

young? If youre an older man, what habits you formed when you

were young served you best later in l if e?

Documents

The Child is the Father to the Man