the diva magazine issue 2

DIVATHE

FAMILYCAMPAIGNLittle Things Are EverythingBUILDING FAMILIES WITH DIGNITY

WE ALL WANT TOBE GOOD MUMS!

RWANDA YOUTHCAMPAIGN FORSOMALIA

A WALK THROUGHHER CAREER

CHIEF JUSTICE

ALOYSIA CYANZIRE

Issue No. 02

November - December 2011

COVER STORY

THE DIVA THE DIVA 2 3

GLANCE MEDIA LTD

FALCON G NDIRIMA

LILLIAN MUTESI N

ARIANE KAREGIREAKALIZA GARACAROL RUGEGE CHIKA EZEANYAFELICITA KIMANUKA JOANNE GARA LILLIAN MUTESI N LILLIAN NAKAYIMALISA MARTILLOTANASTA MUNARAOTITI ARYANTUNGISA SABRINA GAB

ALLURE STUDIO

GLANCE MEDIA LTD

ABDUALLAH EDWIN KAMANZI

DESIGN AND LAYOUT

MANAGING DIRECTOR

MANAGING EDITOR

CONTRIBUTORS

PHOTOGRAPHY

DESIGN AND LAYOUT

SALES & MARKETING

PUBLISHERGLANCE MEDIA LTDP.O. Box 4665 Kigali, Centenary House,6th Floor, Kigali Rwanda

Al rights reserved. Production is whole or in part without written

permission is strictly prohibited. The name The DIVA is a registered

trademark of Glance Media.Liberty; while every care is taken in

the preparation of this magazine the publishers cannot be held

responsible for the accuracy of information herein or any

consequences arising from it.

CONTENTS5 BE INSPIRED Nobel Peace Prize Winners 2011, RIP Wangaari Mathai

14 COVER STORY A walk through CJ’s career

SUPPLEMENTS6 MIGEPROF Building families with dignity for sustainable Development10 FAMILY CAMPAIGN12 AKILAH INSTITUTE FOR WOMEN16 SKY IS THE LIMIT FOR Josephine Kairaba Mudenge, An architect18 RWANDA YOUTH CAMPAIGN FOR SOMALIA20 FAWE Centres of excellence24 SOLID AFRICA Giving from the heart26 WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

TRENDS28 ELEMIS SP@HOME32 WHAT IS LOVE?34 LITTLE THINGS ARE EVERYTHING35 COMMON FASHION CRIMES

PARENTS CORNER36 PARENTS KNOW YOUR KIDS AND HOW THEY BEHAVE37 WE ALL WANT TO BE GOOD MUMS!38 SHOULD WE SPANK/HIT OUR CHILDREN?

END PIECE40 SOLD OUT42 WHAT TO WEAR ON A FIRST DATE?

0612

18

25DIVATHE

FAMILYCAMPAIGNLittle Things Are EverythingBUILDING FAMILIES WITH DIGNITY

WE ALL WANT TOBE GOOD MUMS!

RWANDA YOUTHCAMPAIGN FORSOMALIA

A WALK THROUGHHER CAREER

CHIEF JUSTICE

ALOYSIA CYANZIRE

Issue No. 02

November - December 2011

COVER STORY

ON THE COVER


Welcome yet to another Issue, (The Diva, Issue 2).

In this Issue our cover story features the Lady Chief Justice, a powerful woman whose mandate is coming to a close. One which has been characterized by huge success though not devoid of challenges. Read and get to walk through her career. MIGEPROF and the family campaign that has gone to great length in consolidating family values in homes, by inculcating family “imihigo” and educating the public on gender based violence.

Under Education you will read about the role education is playing in the empowerment of girls and women the future of our country. We believe education is the key but how its packages matters most. Stories of FAWE centers of excellence and Akillah Institute of Women are featured under this section.

Recently a friend posted a question saying, what have you done that you are proud of so far, what new thing have you learned as the year is coming to an end? When I read this I thought to myself and said wow and began to scratch my head. Even though I managed to list some, I found this question to be challenging and it could for so many of us. But again it’s not too late to make a difference.

In this issue we bring you stories that are captivating and still inspiring. So many that they will stir your thoughts in an amazing way. Making a difference doesn’t need so much sometimes. Read about the different causes/campaigns going on in Rwanda and let not stop there, lend a helping hand too.

Most importantly these campaigns have been engineered by Rwandan women. Isabelle founder of Solid Africa has dedicated her youth to fundraising to provide food, medical insurance and social welfare basically medical care for patients who can’t afford. Read and get to know more about this initiative.

The Somalia campaign: Pamela and other youth are using all available means to save the lives of famine stricken Somalis. She is spearheading the campaign to raise money for Somali’s among the Rwandan community individuals, civil society as well DV�SXEOLF�RIÀFHV��$QG�\RX�ZRQ·W�EHOLHYH�KRZ�PXFK�WKH\�KDYH�UDLVHG�VR�IDU��SOHDVH�WDNH�time to be a part of this cause. Like Jim Rohn said, Giving is better than receiving because giving starts the receiving process. So let’s all strive to GIVE. It could be our WLPH�RU�ÀQDQFH�RU�DQ\�RWKHU�IRUP��

There is so much more for you so enjoy the reading and don’t hesitate to write to us on [email protected]. Tell us what you think about our stories and what it is you would like us to feature in the next ISSUE…

Lillian

EDITOR’S NOTE

Note: Send your comments, suggestions, letters and contributions to: [email protected]

GREAT WOMEN

A LIFE WELL LIVED

Nobel Peace Prize Winners 2011

RIP Wangaari Mathai

The prestigious Nobel Peace Prize 2011 went to Ellen Johnson Sirleaf(centre), Leymah Gbowee(right), Tawakkul Karman(left) “for their non-violent struggle for the safety of women and for women’s rights to full participation in peace-building work’. (Nobel Peace Prize 2011, press release)

Leymah Roberta Gbowee is an African peace activist in Liberia. She mobilized and organized women across ethnic and religious dividing lines to bring an end to the long war in Liberia and worked to ensure women’s participation LQ�HOHFWLRQV��(OOHQ�-RKQVRQ�6LUOHDI�LV�ÀUVW�GHPRFUDWLFDOO\�elected female president, the only female president on the African continent. She has contributed to securing peace in Liberia, to promoting economic and social development, and to strengthening the position of women. Tawakkul Karman is a Yemen journalist and also a politician. She has played a leading part in the struggle for women’s rights and for GHPRFUDF\�DQG�SHDFH�LQ�<HPHQ��.DUPDQ�LV�WKH�ÀUVW�$UDE�:RPDQ�DQG�ÀUVW�<HPHQL�FLWL]HQ�WR�ZLQ�D�1REHO�3UL]H�

CONGRATULATIONS TO THEM

7KH��1REHO�SHDFH�ODXUHDWH�DOVR�WKH�ÀUVW�$IULFDQ�ZRPDQ�WR�ZLQ�WKLV�SUL]H�died September 25th 2011 after a battle with cancer. She was 71 and is survived by three children and a grandchild.

Ms. Maathai was renowned for being a fearless social activist and an environmental crusader. Her Green Belt Movement founded in 1977, planted tens of millions of trees and works to educate people on the dangers of deforestation.

In awarding Maathai the Nobel peace prize in 2004, the Norwegian Nobel prize committee commended her for the contribution to sustainable development, democracy and peace.

She remains an icon for many and will always be remembered for the LQVSLUDWLRQDO�VWRU\�VKH�DOZD\V�WROG�RI�WKH�KXPPLQJELUG�ÀJKWLQJ�WKH�IRUHVW�ÀUH�while the rest of the forest creatures looked on and did nothing.

These great women have two things in common; they are women and they have gone out of their way to contribute to a better world through non-violent struggles.

Like she always said let’s all strive to be Humming birds in our own contexts…..

BE INSPIRED


BUILDING FAMILIES WITHDIGNITY FOR SUSTAINABLE DEVELOPMENT

GOVERNANCE

The Government of Rwanda, recognizing the family as the basic and most important foundation of any society, has taken proactive steps to protect and promote that institution in the country.

Through decentralized entities and in cooperation with private sector organizations, faith-based organizations, and nongovernmental organizations the Government of Rwanda launched a month- long family campaign to enlighten Rwandan families on their role and potential contributions towards meeting the family – based challenges in the country. The monthly campaign was held between September 24 and October 29, 2011.

Violence against children

cuts across geographical, racial, class,

religious and cultural boundaries,

and could occur anywhere.

By Chika Ezeanya

The aim of the campaign was to assist families to build a strong and enduring foundation, and make progress by setting clear and attainable objectives through a performance contract with targets that FDQ�EH�YHULÀHG�DQG�HYDOXDWHG�HYHU\�WKUHH�months.

The Family month is the beginning of several initiatives aimed at sensitizing the Rwandan Family members on upholding the values of their culture.

The one-month family campaign heralded the National Conference on the violence against children (October 3-4) and the International Day of the rural woman (October 15).

L-R: UNICEF Representative Noala Skinner, First Lady Mrs.

Jeannette Kagame and Hon. Aloisea Inyumba, Minister of

Gender and Family Promotion


All over the world, millions of children are victims of sexual, verbal, physical and other forms of violence. Daily, FKLOGUHQ�DUH�DEXVHG��WUDIÀFNHG�DQG�exploited in various ways. Government of Rwanda is committed to gender equality, the realization of human rights for all, and the economic and social development of the country. The conference was organized towards actualizing these ideals.

,Q�KHU�DGGUHVV��WKH�ÀUVW�ODG\�QRWHG�WKDW�violence against children cuts across geographical, racial, class, religious and cultural boundaries, and could occur anywhere; homes, schools, streets, places of work and in leisure places. Perpetrators of violence against FKLOGUHQ�KDYH�EHHQ�LGHQWLÀHG�DV�“parents, family members, neighbours, teachers, caretakers, service providers, ODZ�HQIRUFHPHQW�RIÀFHUV�DV�ZHOO�DV�

fellow children. When children witness or experience battering of and by their parents or teachers or adults in the community, it leaves them traumatized and could affect their socialization as respectable adults in the future.

7KH�ÀUVW�ODG\�QRWHG�WKDW�WKH�3ROLFH�provides services to assist victims of violence include: toll free telephone line, counselling services, free medical care, safe room for crime safety, transporting victims to other service providers, and holistic medico-legal package of integrated services.

Catherine Maternowska – Violence Against Children Advisor UNICEF Southern African 5HJLRQDO�2IÀFH�SUHVHQWHG�D�SDSHU�WLWOHG��“Eastern and Southern Africa Regional Report on Violence Against Children.” She noted that out of 21 countries in the region, only 11 presently have intensive

VAC programmes. The regional trends in VAC are mostly in the form of sexual violation, physical and emotional violence. The most effective strategy for the region will be to build a national response system with frontline Ministries, as it requires a multi- sector strategy and implementation. There is also the need for community mobilization, behavioural change and awareness raising/advocacy.

Maxine Germain of UNICEF Kigali made a succinct presentation on the difference between social norms and FXOWXUDO�SUDFWLFHV��+H�FODULÀHG�WKH�often confusing questions between social norms and values by stating that working on social norms does not imply repudiation of cultures or values. Rather, it “is about questioning practices that although they are trying to uphold some important values,

NATIONAL CONFERENCE ON VIOLENCE AGAINST CHILDREN Kigali 3-4 October 2011

they are causing harm to children.” In such instances, it is best to identify alternative practices that would still uphold the value the harmful social norm is supporting, without the harmful effects on the children. Examples of such harmful practices in Rwanda include extraction of milk teeth, marks on the head or on the chest and others. Germain reminded the audience that these harmful social norms can be changed quickly when “an initial core group of families decide to abandon the practices and transfers this conviction to a larger part of the population.

In his very concise presentation made on the last day, Lt Col Frank Rwema (MDPH) of the Dental Public Health Specialist, Head of Dentistry Department, Rwanda Military Hospital made a presentation on “Social and Cultural Norms Related to Violence $JDLQVW�&KLOGUHQ�µ�+H�LGHQWLÀHG�VRPH�harmful traditional practices such as the extraction of milk canine tooth and the cutting of uvula “ibyinyo and ibirato”, often done in crude and unsterile conditions. According to the

ÀQGLQJV��´WKLV�KDV�EHHQ�IRXQG�WR�EH�WKH�underlying cause of admission due to septicaemia.”

Other causes of medically related harmful traditional practices against children include gum pressing, traditional millet extraction, therapeutic cuts and cuts with administration of traditional concoctions. Early complications of these practices include severe anaemia, haemorrhage and shock, infection, trauma, nerve damages leading to paralysis. The National study is aimed at “improving child protection by providing the magnitude of the different circumstances that children are exposed to violence... [and] will also generate information that will be used to develop relevant child protection.

Former Malaysian president Dr. Mohammed Mahathir has attributed the decline being experienced by Western civilization to the “breakdown of established institutions and diminished respect

for marriage, family values, elders, and important customs.” Moreover, In an interview in 1994, former Prime Minister of Singapore Lee Kuan Yew argued that the major success of Singapore lies in the strength of the family institution, which encourages “learning and scholarship and hard work and thrift and deferment of present enjoyment for future gain.” The Government of Rwanda is committed to building a strong family as the basic foundation for national development and in this regard, the family month and performance contract is a huge step in the right direction.


You have probably heard of the Family Campaign launched by the Ministry of Gender and Family Promotion on September 24th 2011. The campaign is slated to last till the end of October 2011. It has been organized to raise awareness among families in Rwanda on the need to continue improving their living conditions and addressing the challenges facing the family. According to MIGEPROF, the one-month family campaign is just a beginning of several initiatives aimed at sensitizing Rwandan family members on upholding the values of their culture.

Article 27 of the Constitution of the Republic of Rwanda stipulates that the state puts in place appropriate legislation and institutions for the protection of the family and the mother and child in particular in order to ensure WKDW�WKH�IDPLO\�ÁRXULVKHV��,W�LV�LQ�WKDW�context of implementing laws that the

FAMILY CAMPAIGN:MIGEPROF, 24th SEPTEMBER – 29th OCTOBER 2011

By Ariane Karegire

Government of Rwanda has put in place policies, strategies, programs and laws aimed at promoting the family. Despite remarkable achievements in promoting welfare in Rwanda, there are still challenges facing family members. 2QH�ZD\�WR�KHOS�IDPLOLHV�ÀQG�VROXWLRQV�WR�their problems is to engage each family in setting clear and attainable objectives through a performance contract. This performance contract approach (Imihigo) is being used by decentralized public entities and it has helped to achieve development goals rapidly.

The family performance contract deals with the economic well being of the family as well as family relationships including aspects such as building relationships between family members and their neighbours; ensuring that children are safe and well nurtured and improving the economic status of the family.

At the end of the monthly campaign, results are expected. Every household will have made a performance contract taking into account its capacity as well as the plans proposed by the “Umudugudu” authorities. Apart from engaging families in performance contracts, every family (at least 70% of households) will have been visited with a view to assessing the level of implementation of the performance contract and best performing families (90 households i.e. 3 per District) best performing agriculturally will be helped to rent tractors (90 rented tractors i.e. 3 per District) and early childhood development center (100ECD centers) will receive cows and various materials.

This great idea of family promotion from MIGEPROF is being done with support from partners such as PRIMATURE in partnership with other Ministries and Public institutions, Local Government Entities, the Private Sector, Army and Police, Public and Private media representatives and Civil Society Organizations.

The closing of the monthly Family Campaign is scheduled for 29th October ��RIÀFLDOO\�LQ�WKH�6RXWKHUQ�3URYLQFH��in the District of Gisagara. This will mark the beginning of an annual campaign aimed at promoting family wellbeing and the starting point of activities entirely devoted to family promotion.

Each Rwandan should consider the campaign as an opportunity to brainstorm on duties and responsibilities we all have, as a member of a family, a father, mother or as child and set goals to improve our own families and consequently our community.

Hon. Aloisea Inyumba, Minister of Gender and Family Promotion

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A WALK THROUGHCJ’S CAREERAS TERM COMES TO END

COVER STORY Aloysia Cyanzayire (47) is 5ZDQGD·V�ÀUVW�&KLHI�-XVWLFH��6KH�stands out for two things - being the youngest Chief Justice in the

region and retiring that young. In most countries, one can only hold that position at 60 years. Chief Justice Cyanzayire is a courageous DQG�GHGLFDWHG�OHDGHU��+HU�WHUP�RI�RIÀFH��which will end soon, has span an 8-year period and she has earned a high level of respect at work and in the society. Her current position places her at number four in the country’s leadership. Prior to being appointed Chief Justice, Cyanzayire served as Vice President of the Supreme Court and President of the Gacaca Department, then a department in the Supreme Court for three years. “Although some people did not understand the Gacaca Justice System or its objective, it has turned out to be a success story that other countries could emulate,” Justice Cyanzayire says. Before that, she served as Secretary General in the Ministry of Justice.

Her position as Chief Justice is evidence to the progress women have made in building careers and taking on jobs that would otherwise be ‘rather challenging’ IRU�ZRPHQ��6KH�ORYHV�KHU�MRE�DQG�ÀQGV�satisfaction in performing to the very best of her ability. She says working as a team and promoting a team spirit is the most effective way to get the best out of every member of staff, with each of them ensuring that justice for all is done.

“Even though a lot still needs to be done,” Chief Justice Cyanzayire says, “the justice sector has evolved from scratch after the 1994 genocide and great progress has been made.” The genocide left the justice sector weakened; judges and lawyers were very few and infrastructure

and documentation were destroyed. Developing the sector was an uphill struggle and those who were working in it had to bear with the unfavorable working environment. In 2001 a Commission in charge of the Justice Sector Reform was established. In December 2003, when she joined the Supreme Court, her role was to spearhead the process of implementing the new reforms. Some of these reforms included increasing the workforce, putting in place measures to ensure protection of the independence of judges, ensuring DXWRQRP\�LQ�ÀQDQFLDO�PDQDJHPHQW��construction of courts and modernization

of the system through use of ICT. All this was in order to ensure a competitive staff and to make work more HIÀFLHQW�DQG�HIIHFWLYH�

The Chief Justice points out having put in place a professional, well trained and

modernized legal system as the highlight of her tenure. Coupled with working towards ensuring that the profession is very attractive and developing a workforce that is passionate about their profession. She is proud to have established a digital

court recording system which helps to capture audio and video in court sessions and other electronic management systems VXFK�DV�HOHFWURQLF�ÀOLQJ�RI�FDVHV�DQG�YLGHR�conference systems.

'XULQJ�KHU�WHUP�RI�RIÀFH��VKH�ZDV�DOZD\V�conscious to instil a zero tolerance to corruption in her staff ensuring that all those who took justice for the people for granted were brought to book. “Women represent 40% in the justice sector. This is very important because their efforts cannot be despised and they have proved to be quite great performers,” WKH�&KLHI�-XVWLFH�DIÀUPV��$PLGVW�DOO�WKH�achievements, however, the Justice Sector still faces challenges like limited facilities and resources.

Final word of wisdom - Chief Justice Cyanzayire encourages everyone to do their work with zeal, this will lead to success, she says.

We wish Lady Chief Justice Cyanzayire the very best on her onward journey!

“Women in this sector have proved to be quite great

performers”

PORTFOLIO MALE FEMALE TOTAL

President of Supreme Court 0 1 1

Vice President of Supreme Court 1 0 1

Judges at Supreme Court 8 6 14

Inspectors at Supreme Court 5 1 6

President in High Court 1 0 1

Vice President/High Court 1 0 1

Judges/High Court 18 6 24

Source: GMO 2010


The Akilah Institute for Women is the ÀUVW�and only independent college exclusively dedicated to educating women in this recovering country. We take pride in that fact. Akilah’s education model is uniquely comprehensive and innovative at this point in Rwanda’s history. Our mission is crystal clear – to create the next generation of women leaders – and we embody this by combining the instruction of hard technical skills with modules focused on personal development and leadership.

:LWK�LWV�ÀUVW�EDWFK�RI��VWXGHQWV��$NLODK�has begun to set the standard for young professional women in Kigali and Rwanda at large. Our market-relevant training and academic curriculum are complemented by Akilah’s steady interactions with Kigali’s network of business professionals from the private sector as well as government RIÀFLDOV�ZKR�DUH�GHGLFDWHG�WR�IXUWKHULQJ�the nation’s fastest growing sector – hospitality and tourism. We have designed our Hospitality Management Diploma with WKH�FRXQVHO�RI�VRPH�RI�WKH�JOREH·V�ÀQHVW�hospitality and tourism experts, including Johnson & Wales University. After just two years, Akilah is lending its expertise to other schools and training facilities across the country – we want to make a VLJQLÀFDQW�FRQWULEXWLRQ�WR�WKH�SURGXFWLRQ�

of a highly-skilled Rwandan workforce. Our model is not just about the subject matter; we place a heavy emphasis on leadership and communication skills, too. We are eager to see results, to see Rwandan women skilfully and proudly welcoming and providing exceptional customer service to diplomats, curious tourists and the like from around the world. Our students strive everyday to “go the extra mile.”

We have watched our students grow as they deepen their skills and self-FRQÀGHQFH��SODQ�DQG�LPSOHPHQW�VRFLDO�change projects which give back to their FRPPXQLWLHV��DQG�WDNH�KRPH�WKHLU�ÀUVW�paychecks from their jobs in the hospitality and tourism industry. Nearly 25 percent of our graduating Class of 2012 is already employed in the industry and they are only halfway through their Diploma program. Our goal is to see 100% of our graduates placed in meaningful and gainful job positions by graduation day. As Akilah prepares to open a new training campus in Bugesera District, expand our student body beyond 1,000 women, and launch two new academic degree programs in sustainable agriculture and business management & entrepreneurship, the colors of these women’s futures become more vivid.

So, why did Akilah start with hospitality and tourism? The growth and development of this industry is one of Rwanda’s many success stories. Tourism, especially eco-tourism, is the fastest growing sector of the economy, and the largest foreign exchange earner. The government estimates that 5,000-6,000 people must be trained every \HDU�WR�ÀOO�WKH�FXUUHQW�GHPDQG�IRU�TXDOLÀHG�professionals in the hospitality industry. Just ask the Marriott or Bill Gates, two major investors in hotel and conference centers in Kigali. If local citizens are not trained to staff these establishments, then the larger East African workforce ZLOO�EHQHÀW�DW�5ZDQGDQV·�FROOHFWLYH�H[SHQVH��$NLODK·V�ÀUVW�'LSORPD�SURJUDP�was designed as a direct response to the growing needs of the private sector DQG�LQGXVWU\��:H�FRQWLQXH�WR�UHÀQH�RXU�innovative curriculum to ensure that both learners’ and private sector demands DUH�EHLQJ�PHW�²�D�ÀQH�EDODQFH�WKDW�PXVW�be struck in order to appropriately assist Rwandan women in helping to build its beautiful nation. In order to interact with the industry during their training, each student must complete a 240-hour internship in the local job market where they acquire practical work experience and build their industry knowledge and contacts. Currently, every Akilah student in the Diploma program has completed their ÀUVW�LQWHUQVKLS�DQG�PDQ\�DUH�DJJUHVVLYHO\�pursuing their second.

“I want to become the general manager RI�D�ÀYH�VWDU�KRWHO�LQ�.LJDOL�µ�QRWHG�RQH�student when asked by a guest lecturer about her dreams post-graduation. We encourage our students to think outside the box and develop their entrepreneurial spirit. Many Akilah students dream of creating sustainable business ventures in partnership with one another – and even if they are just starting by hosting visitors in Kigali or forming an after-school artisan workshop, the embers of healthy entrepreneurship are beginning to burn. The combination of Akilah students’ passion and constantly growing skills will translate into future economic growth, new employment opportunities and the reduction of poverty in one of the developing world’s brightest countries.

EDUCATION

7KH�ZDOOV�DUH�ÀOOHG�ZLWK�LQVSLUDWLRQDO�PDQWUDV��SLFWXUHV�FOLSSHG�IURP�FODVVLF�ZHVWHUQ�PDJD]LQHV��VFKRRO�announcements, course syllabi, and most importantly, the Akilah Community Pledge. The Pledge reminds the

students and the staff of the relentless commitment we make to be innovative as aspire to maintain academic excellence. The faculty’s goal is to inspire, educate and empower the next generation of women leaders and

entrepreneurs in Rwanda. The students’ aim is to work hard to become well-rounded citizens who will contribute to the economic success of their communities. The scores of global visitors we host each year are captivated by

WKH�GHHS�VHQVH�RI�SXUSRVH�WKDW�ÀOOV�WKHVH�$NLODK�FROOHJH�FODVVURRPV��

INSTITUTEFOR WOMEN

AKILAH


lagged behind boys in enrolment and performance in science, mathematics and technology. Today this includes computer science. FAWE makes a deliberate effort to interest girls in sciences and provides textbooks, equipment and laboratories to HQDEOH�WKH�JLUOV�H[FHO�LQ�VFLHQWLÀF�VXEMHFWV� In addition to the academic facilities, a conducive social environment for boarding school that caters for social interaction, sports, recreation and healthy development is encouraged. Life skills are developed through programmes like the TUSEME Clubs aimed at empowering the

EDUCATION The FAWE Girls’ School was founded in 1999 in partnership with the Ministry of Education. FAWE presently manages two Girls’ Secondary Schools - FAWE Girls’ School in Gisozi, Gasabo District established in 1999 and FAWE Girls’ School Gahini in Kayonza District established in 2010. Both accommodating 1146 adolescent girls being empowered to empower to be both academic and social achievers.

FAWE-Rwanda works very closely with the Ministry of Education in the conception and implementation of policies that promote girl’s and women’s education in the country. The Girls’ Schools, now referred to as Centers of Excellence were established to demonstrate that given equal opportunities and an enabling environment, the academic potential of girls can be harnessed to produce excellent results. FAWE believes that a safe and secure learning environment, which is conducive to achieving academic and social excellence, is of immense value to the whole community.

The concept of a centre of excellence is a school in which the physical, academic, and social environment is gender-responsive in order to produce girls who are both academically well educated and socially well adjusted. FAWE centres of excellence offer a holistic education and an adopted integrated approach in addressing the LVVXHV�WKDW�LQÁXHQFH�JLUOV·�HGXFDWLRQ�

The vision is that girls who graduate from a center of excellence will be life-long learners with capacities to be the best academic and social achievers; FRQÀGHQW�DQG�DEOH�WR�H[SUHVV�WKHPVHOYHV�

adequately; active participants in diagnosing and solving problems and actualizing their ambitions; aware of their rights; knowledgeable in historical, cultural and current events; physically DQG�SV\FKRORJLFDOO\�ÀW�DQG�DQ�DFWLYH�SDUW�of society at the grassroots, national and international levels.

As a centre of Excellence, FAWE Girls’ Schools aim to increase access to disadvantaged girls at secondary school level and empower them to do sciences by providing facilities such as science and computer laboratories, library and resource

centre, science equipment, textbooks and other learning materials as well as offering lessons in conducive teaching methods that encourage girls’ participation. FAWE focuses on science to demonstrate that girls are also capable of performing well in VFLHQFHV�DQG�WDNLQJ�XS�VFLHQWLÀF�FDUHHUV��This is evident with the fact that, the pilot school has over 150 girls enrolled in different science faculties within public universities. Traditionally, girls in Rwanda

FAWECENTRES OF EXCELLENCE

They say when you educate a girl you have trained a nation. The Forum for

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��WKLV�HGXFDWLRQ�KDV�JRW�WR�EH�WRS�TXDOLW\��7KH�)$:(�&HQWUH�RI�([FHOOHQFH�

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IULHQGO\�HQYLURQPHQW�LQ�VFKRRO��WKHUH�LV�QR�GRXEW�\RX�\LHOG�H[FHOOHQW�UHVXOWV��7KH�

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The results have been imminent. During the

East African Education Exhibition, FAWE schools

emerged the best in essay writing and

second best in science in the secondary school

category.


JLUOV��EXLOGLQJ�FRQÀGHQFH�DQG�VHOI�HVWHHP�and training them to speak out.

Students enrolled in FAWE schools are also privileged to have access to guidance and counselling services, which facilitate them to deal with social and emotional problems but also provide them with career guidance and training in life skills. Membership WR�FOXEV�WKDW�WDUJHW�VSHFLÀF�LVVXHV�WR�do with Rwanda’s development such as HIV/AIDS, peace and reconciliation and environmental protection enrich the girls’ education further.

The centres ensure community involvement in the promotion of girls’ education; with an aim to graduating girls who are high academic and social achievers. The community – parents, local authorities and the community surrounding the school is engaged in school activities and management. Community sensitization is an important aspect of

educating the girls to be wholesome members of the community. The students are also encouraged to interact with the community and are engaged in community activities like Umuganda.

Some of the girls are able to stay in school RQO\�DV�D�UHVXOW�RI�WKH�ÀQDQFLDO�VXSSRUW�they receive through FAWE. FAWE’s

philosophy is to keep all students in school until they complete secondary school; in order for this to happen, FAWE offers ÀQDQFLDO�VXSSRUW�WR�VRPH�RI�WKH�VWXGHQWV��This is done through a scholarship scheme whose support is solicited from Individuals, national and international organizations.

)$:(�²�*LVR]L)$:(�*LUOV·�6FKRRO�*LVR]L�ZDV�WKH�ÀUVW�FHQWUH�RI�excellence established. The school presently has a student population of about 806 girls from Form One to Form Six. Classes are offered in English.

Six of the top ten students in the country in 2003 were from FAWE. In 2004, the best performing students in Mathematics and Science and in 2005, the top two girls were from FAWE. The school focuses on empowerment of girls and the girls are encouraged to participate in activities targeted at building self-esteem and developing leadership skills. In addition, the girls are given an opportunity to sharpen their leadership skills by taking up leadership positions in school.

Empowerment of the girls and development of life skills is a special focus. For example, all students are member of the TUSEME (let us speak out) club, which is an avenue through which they identify and solve problems they face. This helps them develop decision PDNLQJ�VNLOOV�DQG�EXLOGV�WKHLU�VHOI�FRQÀGHQFH��

FAWE – Gahini FAWE Girls’ School Gahini in Kayonza District is the most recent Centre of Excellence established; construction of which was partly sponsored by the World Bank. The school opened FAWE in February 2010 with 162 students and offers both O and A level Secondary school with three Science combinations.

Facilities stand at 12 classes, 3 science labs (for Chemistry, Biology and Physics), a library, computer lab, dining hall, 3 dormitory blocks and 8 staff housing units. Students are encouraged to participate in sports; with a choice of Volleyball, Basketball and football and to belong to the Environment, Writers, Music Dance and Drama, Entrepreneurship, or the Anti-Aids clubs, TUSEME, Debating and Scouts Clubs.

The vision of FAWE Gahini is to be the leading school of excellence in promoting Girls’ Education both academically and socially.

7KLV�LV�EHLQJ�UHDOL]HG�WKURXJK�WKH�YDULRXV�VWDII�WUDLQLQJ�LQ�JHQGHU�UHVSRQVLYH�WHDFKLQJ�WKDW�enhances understanding of the vision of FAWE in order to attain the goals collectively.

“�7KH�UHVXOWV�KDYH�EHHQ�LPPLQHQW��'XULQJ�WKH�(DVW�$IULFDQ�(GXFDWLRQ�([KLELWLRQ��)$:(�VFKRROV�HPHUJHG�WKH�EHVW�LQ�HVVD\�ZULWLQJ�DQG�VHFRQG�EHVW�LQ�WKH�VFLHQFH�H[KLELWLRQ�LQ�WKH�VHFRQGDU\�VFKRRO�FDWHJRU\��$V�HGXFDWRUV�ZH�FDQ�RQO\�EH�SURXG�RI�RXU�VWXGHQWV�” says 'RQDWKD�*LKDQD��)$:(�FRRUGLQDWRU�

Making teaching and OHDUQLQJ�SURFHVV�

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FAWE schools have a dedicated staff team and programmes for their professional development are a major concern of the management. Local and International Workshops and facilities to enable them perform exceptionally are a priority.


CAREER

SKY IS THE LIMIT FOR

JOSEPHINE KAIRABA MUDENGE,AN ARCHITECT By Lillian Nakayima

Want to dream higher? Meet Josephine Kairaba Mudenge, one ambitious young woman who has explored great heights. She holds a Master’s Degree in architecture, a course, usually recommended for men.

Judging from her charming smile, the FRQÀGHQFH�DQG�FRQWURO�ZKLOH�VSHDNLQJ��.DLUDED�LV�GHÀQLWHO\�D�GLYD��6HOÁHVV��intelligent, hardworking, social would be an underestimated description.

Josephine Kairaba Mudenge is one of Rwanda’s two registered architects; she has a story to tell.

“I got lucky to get admitted to a good high school on merit. This exposed me to career guidance and competition,” says Kairaba. Apart from attending Namagunga which was the best school in Uganda then, Kairaba owes her success to family and God.

“My dad always said I could be as good as the boys, at anything,”Kairaba states.

gave up. I never wanted to disappoint my dad,” she says.

In South Africa, meeting international people was a challenge. The University suggested bridging classes, but Kairaba’s intellect and hard work revealed they were unnecessary. She was good at Maths and Physics, what else did she need?

Kairaba came home with a Master’s Degree in Architecture, after six and a half years, of toiling.

“It was challenging and a lesson of self discipline, staying up all night reading for all those years was not easy,” recalls Kairaba.

Her next destination after school was Rwanda, the home she had never resided LQ�EHIRUH��+HU�ÀUVW�MRE�LQ�D�UHDO�HVWDWH�company exposed Kairaba to the reality in Rwanda’s building Industry and got her closer to her entrepreneurship dreams. Three years later, she took the bold decision to create her own architecture company.

“I prayed about it. All young people should be bold and trust in God, in all the decisions they make,” advises Kairaba.

At 32, Kairaba owns archinnova creations, her company, passion and calling.

“God calls Christians for not only prayer, but to operate in the world and bring Christian principles,” she says.

Two year old Archinnova has taught Kairaba to think ahead, make relations, manage resources and manage people. In 2010, Kairaba represented Rwanda in a Fortune USA Department Mentorship Program, something that exposed her to global thinking.

Her achievements range from big partnerships to positions on Architecture boards in Rwanda. Kairaba recently ÀQLVKHG�D�FRXUVH�LQ�PDQDJHPHQW��Mentorship and career guidance to women and young girls is her other passion.She guides girls into taking up courses that they love.

“Something done without passion can’t be done excellently. Passion is essential and the road to excellence,” states Kairaba.To give back to society, Kairaba is launching a high school soon.

Kairaba’s leisure is spent with family, youth activities at church, coffee with friends and events management incase of friends’ weddings and church functions.

Speaking of family, Kairaba is third among eight children. Five boys and three girls. She also has a son.

Meeting Kairaba would inspire any woman to dream big.

“There is this saying that I love so much, by Mahatma Ghandhi. It says, Be the change you want to see,” says Kairaba.

To Kairaba, failure isn’t such a threat.

“Mediocrity doesn’t exist in my world. Even if I fail, at the back of my mind I know that I am called for great things,” she says.

As she shoots for the stars, Kairaba calls women and girls to dream big and utilize their potential to malt task.

Kairaba took her dad’s encouraging words with both hands, she chose the architecture, not because she knew a thing about it, she wanted to diversify and stand out as a girl. She needed something different from electrical engineering, a speciality for her dad and brothers.

Since the architecture course was non-existent in Rwandan Universities then, Kairaba’s next destination was The Natal University of Durban, yet another test.

“My ambition and hate for failure kept me going. Many quit the course but I never

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WHAT AM I DOING HERE?By Lisa Martilotta

CAREER

My name is Lisa.,·P�D�1HZ�<RUNHU�

my whole family still OLYHV�WKHUH��)RU�QRZ��

it’s just me who has a ELW�RI«�ZHOO�

what is it actually?Why am I in Rwanda?

One October day in 2010, a distant colleague sent a message to my Department of Homeland Security email

account with the link to the Akilah Institute for Women (www.akilahinstitute.org) – a college for Rwandan women pursuing an education and career in the country’s blooming hospitality and tourism sector. Never one to over-think things, I quickly applied for an Akilah job having realized that the last several months left much to be desired. I was at a “dead end” in many respects. I knew things had to change – I needed to answer that old friend inside that had been nagging me to do something tangible and meaningful rather than what I had been doing: earning good money, keeping a decent job and living the good life in the USA. It sounds great, I know, but it can actually be completely meaningless if one is not careful.

At 31 years-old, how could I refresh my career and focus? How could I get back in the driver’s seat of my own life? International economic development had always been my area of study, work and love. After several years though, I felt lost in its broad scope. I had always felt a strong passion for helping other women and I could never ignore how children absolutely captivate me. So, I decided to humbly spend one year in Rwanda, beginning with the Akilah Institute for Women – as an intern (did you catch how old I am?).

After just 4 weeks in Rwanda, the country famous for its thousands of hills felt strangely familiar to me – ok, well, not the endless inclines during my short and oxygen-intensive runs. Working at Akilah on the weekdays to build an English language service and a culinary arts training program for Rwandans, I also started spending the weekends visiting the Urukundo Foundation children’s home. After one visit, the wise founder of the home gave me a job to do – volunteer my English as a Second Language (ESL) teaching services to her Kinyarwanda-speaking staff. Mama is American and is passionate about education. So every Saturday, I catch the bus down to Gitarama to my English class. Visiting Mama and as many of her 45 Rwandan children as

possible are weekend highlights. The Urukundo children are vestibules of endless love and potential.

Meanwhile at Akilah, I spent several months building the two new external programs, English To-Go and the women’s basic culinary arts training course (the latter in partnership with Women for Women International). Both of these tasks ZHUH�HQMR\DEOH�DQG�IXOÀOOLQJ��SHUVRQDOO\�and professionally. I met many Rwandan EXVLQHVV�SHRSOH��SXEOLF�VHFWRU�RIÀFLDOV�DQG�international organizations doing business in Kigali. One day, Akilah’s co-founders asked me to take on a new role – executive director. I thought about how intense that could be – after all, Akilah has a lot in common with other 2-year olds: it runs faster and faster every day, has really big eyes and an unusually strong grip. It only took me a minute to realize that Rwanda wasn’t backing down from any challenges, so why would I? I accepted the position and a second year in Rwanda.

I get the opportunity to spend every weekday with the 65 herculean women studying toward a Diploma in Hospitality Management – not a day goes by without a million smiles and laughs. Is this real? Can life really be so rewarding? Who is helping who?! The answer is easy – we are in this together – we are helping one another. These Rwandan young women are learning about themselves and their potential, and they are building both every single day, inside and outside of the classroom. And so am I. It is always a proud moment when I see them in action LQ�VRPH�RI�.LJDOL·V�ÀQHVW�HVWDEOLVKPHQWV��like Heaven Restaurant or the Serena Hotel. They want to be Rwanda’s future leaders and are not shy about it. At Akilah, we strive to empower them with WKH�FRQÀGHQFH��VNLOOV�DQG�NQRZOHGJH�WKH\�need to attain any and all of their dreams.

I don’t think it is random or merely coincidental that a near mid-life crisis was answered in this voyage to Rwanda. Our priorities are aligned in many ways and we have much in common: (1) Rwanda believes in empowering women and youth as a means to local, national and global advancement – so do I; (2) Rwanda is all about action now, and not just talk – so

am I; (3) Rwanda is mindful of its past, but visionary about its future – so am I; (4) Rwanda celebrates is natural skill sets and focuses on its inherent strengths rather than dwell on what it lacks – I, as well as the Akilah Institute for Women, aim to do this, too; (5) Rwanda treasures its national identity and encourages strong communities – this is a page that I am earmarking in Rwanda’s book for the USA to read. On this point, I believe that each country is at a different stage in its own history and that no two should be compared…much like people. I simply observe that Rwanda understands its role in its region, continent and time better than most other countries in the world at the present moment.

Living and working in a country like Rwanda is extraordinarily rewarding. Its openness to global professionals, volunteers and visitors enables a very rich society and one in which the exchange of ideas for forward progress is not only welcomed, but most often solicited & then implemented. Another thing I have noticed is that Rwandans give each other a chance. This is no small thing. This illustrates how clear and united in their goal of building a strong, prosperous country they truly are. But make no mistake: competition is healthy and alive – healthy, being the operative word here. Nothing in life is perfect. But I like these hills and their people very much. I have reaped much more than I will likely be able to return – peace of mind, purpose, re-direction and an abundance of love. I GR�QRW�ÀQG�LW�LURQLF�WKDW�WKLV�OXVK�FRXQWU\�specializes in the production of tea, and that after 10 months of drinking in all that it has to offer, my cup runneth over. I am just happy to have the privilege of working side-by-side with Rwanda during its historical moment.


up spontaneously, Isabelle wanted to make sure from the beginning that this would not be a one day wonder. From then on she and her friends went out every Sunday to help the homeless.

While visiting her family in Rwanda for a short holiday and planning to return to Belgium, Isabelle met Mama Zuzu, and that was the second turning point in her life. “I was praying for the homeless, when this amazing woman who used to pray with my mum, said to me: Your prayers are empty.” First of all Isabelle was shocked and did not really understand what this woman wanted to tell her. “Praying is easy”, she continued, “but have you ever been at a hospital or an orphanage and talked to the people there? Jobless Mama Zuzu used to visit hospitals everyday and share her food with the poor after feeding her eight children. She took the 24 year old Isabelle along with her. What Isabelle experienced there made her sure: “We have to do something.”

As the founder of Solid Africa talks about the beginning of her organization you can feel the SDVVLRQ�ÁRZLQJ�WKURXJK�KHU�YHLQV��6KH�GRHVQ·W�talk about a job; she is talking about her mission, her passion. For Isabelle, Solid Africa is more than an organization where people ÀQG� KHOS�� 6KH� FDOOV� LW� PRYHPHQW�� WR� SODFH�emphasis on the idea involving the whole Rwandan community. “I have some helpers who spend their lunchtime distributing food in the hospitals. They come directly from their RIÀFHV��SXW�RQ�WKHLU�6ROLG�$IULFD�7�6KLUWV�DQG�turn into social workers.” After helping, they return to their jobs. “We are helping people to help others,” Isabelle explains.

One of the problems patients in Rwandan public hospitals face is getting food every day. “Our hospitals aren’t providing food. I met people who hadn’t eaten for three days because their relatives who usually care for them are living far away in the villages.” At the

beginning Isabelle and Mama Zuzu mainly visited the people who had nobody to spend time with them. “But I was getting more and more aware of the problems the patients are facing,” says Isabelle. With the help of Ariane Inesha, former President of the Rotaract Club in Kigali and now Vice President of Solid Africa, Isabelle wanted to give her work a structure. 32 active members, all volunteers and working for Solid Africa in their free time, make sure that Isabelle’s ideas, and they seem endless, have the possibility to grow.

The activities of Solid Africa cover food and special diet, social welfare -providing hygienic articles like soap, toothbrushes and so on. The third part takes care of patients who need special medication which is usually costly. Another activity is to pay hospital releases and transport fares for patients to go back to their homes. “Once I saw a patient who had been released from hospital three days later near the hospital and asked him what he was doing there.” ”I have not even 100 Franc with me. I am not able to buy a bus ticket home” was his answer. Solid Africa now takes care of such cases. To make sure, that money and help goes to the right persons, Isabelle and her team are working hand in hand with the social workers who give them the names of the people who need the help most.

The last two activities of the organization can be summarized as “further plans and ideas”. “One of these ideas is to build a public kitchen,” explains Isabelle. Isabelle talks so fast it is sometimes hard to follow; it seems as if she has so many things to say, so many stories to tell that she has to hurry to place all her productivity. “We are so happy because we got free land from the Gasabo District” adds Isabelle. Her plan is to open the kitchen by the end of this year. The public kitchen will provide food for 1.000 people, which will be

delivered to four different hospitals in Kigali twice a day. Isabelle’s vision is to involve the care takers of the patients to make this happen.

The daily problems Isabelle has to face require a lot from her. It is a permanent tightrope walk between compassion and necessary objectivity. “At the beginning I made a lot of mistakes”, says Isabelle. “I tend to be very emotional. Maybe I am too close to the patients sometimes.” Isabelle explains a situation where she gave patients 10.000 Rwandan Franc to pay the insurance for them and their families. Instead of doing so they spent the money on food. “Nowadays I go to the bank and pay the insurance myself.” Isabelle learnt her lesson but still has tears in her eyes when she talks about the hard times.

And Isabelle does go out at the weekends. But instead of spending 3.500 Franc for a Heineken, she arranges her Solid Africa stand in f r o n t of bars and collects

money for the help less.”

I live, I dream, I

breath Solid

Africa“– that’s Isabelle.

CHARITY

What would you expect when you visit a 26 year old Rwandan woman in her house on a 6DWXUGD\� QLJKW"� � 7R� ÀQG� KHU�

dressed up to go dancing with her friends, or ready to go for dinner with her boyfriend? Maybe something like that. But surely not that \RX�ZLOO�ÀQG�KHU� LQ�WKH�NLWFKHQ�FRRNLQJ�NLORV�of rice and beans. But that’s exactly what Isabelle Kamariza does on Saturday nights since she founded Solid Africa, one and a half years ago. Weekends turned into cooking sessions, because one of the activities of the QRQSURÀW� RUJDQL]DWLRQ� LV� WR� SURYLGH� IRRG� IRU�300 patients in public hospitals in Kigali.

GIVING FROMTHE HEART

3URÀOH��,VDEHOOH�.DPDUL]D- SOLID AFRICABy Sabrina Gab

The idea to help those, who need it most, came up in Belgium where Isabelle studied law. Isabelle was born in Burundi but has moved between Rwanda and Belgium since. “After a while it was getting boring. I had the feeling there was something missing in my life“, says Isabelle. And in fact, you can hardly imagine this highly energetic woman who seems to get a new idea every minute, sitting in a quiet university library studying papers.

In her mid-twenties, like many young adults, Isabelle was searching for something to give her life a deeper impact. She went to church. Although she was brought up in a Catholic

family, up to this point she was not practicing her religion at all. But starting to pray seems to be the initial point of her journey towards ÀQGLQJ�KHU�SURIHVVLRQ�LQ�KHOSLQJ�WKH�SRRU�

There was this one day in the Belgian subway when Isabelle suddenly recognized the homeless. “They had been there all the time before,” says Isabelle. “But on this particular day, it seemed as if somebody opened my eyes.” With the help of a friend who gave her �� (XUR� IURP� KLV� ÀUVW� FKHFN� SD\�� ,VDEHOOH�went to a cheap discount supermarket, bought bread, tuna, mayonnaise and juice and prepared sandwiches at her home to hand out to the street people. Although set


Rwanda Youth Campaign for Somalia is an initiative conceived by young Rwandans to raise funds from the Rwandan Community for the starving Somalis. The campaign was started through one of the famous social networks - Facebook where many people showed interest in doing something to help fellow Africans dying of hunger in Somalia. The Campaign was launched in September with a deadline of raising funds by early December 2011.

After following the news on the drought, hunger and loss of lives in the countries in the Horn of Africa, the youth were shocked to see pictures of starving, weak and vulnerable men, women and children in

CHARITY

S O M A L I AR W A N D A Y O U T H C A M P A I G N F O R

these countries especially Somalia. This group decided not to keep quiet in the face of such a tragedy, with the vivid memory of their own history where over 1M people were slaughtered while the world was watching, they decided to do something.

So far, a number of people have been reached and awareness has been created through the Media (radio & TV shows and newspapers articles). A positive response from schools and associations has brought in a number of donations. People have also made pledges. The group considers their effort successful since their main target was to create awareness on the issue among the people of Rwanda. People

were touched by what they saw happening in Somalia and were willing to give their hand. A positive feedback was received not only from Kigali but also elsewhere even outside the city.

The Government of Rwanda has endorsed this initiative and is supporting it through the Ministry of Youth, Sports and Culture and the Rwanda National Youth Council. Stakeholders include the Rwanda Diaspora Global Network in order to mobilize the Rwandan Community outside Rwanda. Other organizations such as Nopa Charity Organization are also supporting the initiative.

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the details about

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numbers, the swift

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There is still a lot to do to get people of all walks of life involved and give to save fellow Africans. This campaign will be considered successful when the donations reach the famine victims in Somalia. The organizers believe that even if they are not able to feed a hundred people, at least one person will be fed and a generation will be saved. After this campaign, the organizers plan to continue working on charity activities targeting the most vulnerable local communities.

There might be similar campaigns in other African Countries, the call of Rwanda Youth Campaign is to all Africans to join this noble cause, give what they can and

together save the vulnerable people. ´:H�VKRXOG�OHDUQ�WR�ÀQG�VROXWLRQV�WR�RXU�problems and I believe we want to,” the organizers say.

To make a donation to this worthy cause, please visit www.rwandayouthcampaign4somalia.org for details of bank account numbers, swift code and MTN Mobile money account number.

www.rwandayouthcampaign4somalia.org


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love?TREND

What is

It has been one of the most difficult questions for mankind. Centuries have gone by, relationships have bloomed and so has love. This very question has challenged and perplexed many thinkers, lovers, writers, film makers, biologists, psychologists and sociologists. Many singers have expressed this concern in their hits Haddways’ “What is love?”, Lucy Dude’s “I want to know what love is” Tina Tanner’s “What’s love got to do with it?” “How deep is your love” by Take that, Diana Ross and Lionel Richie’s’ “Endless Love”, Michael Bolton’s “How Am I Supposed to Love without you”, Janet Jackson’s “That’s the Way Love Goes”, Celine Dion’s “The Power of Love”, Peter and Gordon’s “A World without Love” to mention but a few. Indeed, many have tried to answer the question of what love might be and have come up with different definitions depending on their cultures, backgrounds, understanding as well as age like. “Love is stronger than a man’s convictions.” - Isaac Bashevis “Love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it.” - Robert Mitchum “Love has no awareness of merit or demerit; it has no scale... Love loves; this is its nature.” - Howard Thurman “Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end.” – “True love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations: it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart.” - Honore de Balzac. “Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.” - Nicholas Sparks “Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.” - Erich Fromm “To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness” - Woody Allen “In the final analysis, love is the only reflection of man’s worth.” - Bill Wundram, Iowa Quad.

The Bible also adds to the many definitions and says ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast and it is never proud. It does not rejoice over evil and is the truth seeker.

Love protects; preserves and hopes for the positive aspect of life.

Children have also tried to understand love, “Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don’t yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings.”– Chrissy (age 6) “Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” –Terri (age 4) “Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” –Danny (age 7) “Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” -Mary Ann (age 4).

To me, love shares some characteristics with death; it gets you at any time, age, anywhere, in any situation, and above all, it does not ask why! What do you think about it? A bit puzzled? But anyway, no one can give a proper definition of love.

The way we look at love enables us to account for it in all its different forms; good and bad, gentle and tough, limited and unlimited. Love is as unique as we are individual. But as with anything, love is not quite as simple as that. I mean, the feelings and qualities which make up love are shaped by society and its laws and values, at least to some degree – so that although love can be seen theoretically as a truly individual thing, it is impossible in practice to fully separate it from the influence of the wider views of humanity. Though to some, Love is friendship set on fire and for others love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it. No matter how you define it or feel it, love is the eternal truth in the history of mankind.

Depending on the context, love can be of different varieties. Romantic love is deep, intense and unending. It is shared on a very intimate, interpersonal and sexual relationship. The term Platonic love, familial love and religious love are also a matter of great affection. It is more of desire, preference and feelings. The meaning of love will change with each different relationship and depends more on its concept of depth, versatility, and complexity. But at times the very existence of love is questioned. Some say it is false and meaningless. Others say it never exists.

This is all because there have been many instances of hatred and brutality

in relationships. The history of our world has witnessed many such cruel events. There has been hatred between brothers and siblings, parents and children, neighbors, countries, rivalry and spouses have failed each other. Friends have betrayed each other; the son has killed his parents for the throne, the count is endless. Even the modern generation is also facing such dilemmas every day. But love is not responsible for that. It is us, the people, who have forgotten the meaning of love and have undertaken such gruesome apathy.

On the contrary, we should be together, share our joy and sorrow, understand each other, provide space to each other and always be there for each other’s need. And surely love will blossom to strengthen a relationship with any matter of affection.


Elemis Sp@homeis in Town!

Residents and visitors to Rwanda who consider their healthDQG�RYHUDOO�ZHOO�EHLQJ�SDUDPRXQW�VKRXOG�EH�GHOLJKWHG�(OHPLV�VS#KRPH�KDV�FRPH�WR�URRVW�

BEAUTY

By Chika Ezeanya

Elemis, for the uninformed, is the No. 1 British Spa and Skincare brand and has “led the way in innovative professional therapies,

and superior formulations for over 20 years.” The launch of the product line in Rwanda was held at Serena Hotels on Saturday 13th August. Attendees were treated to a serene atmosphere where peace and tranquillity wafted through the various tester products on elegant display.

Elemis is a natural based product, derived from essential oils, minerals, and sea marines. All the products are formulated IUHH�RI�FKHPLFDOV��SUHVHUYDWLYHV�RU�DUWLÀFLDO�colourings. The successful fusion of natural active ingredients and cutting-edge technology makes Elemis range of luxurious, result driven products, the choice of over 1500 elite salons, spas, cruise ships, and departmental stores worldwide.

Maria Otiso, Regional Spa Manager for East and Southern Africa makes it clear that for the formulators of the products, Elemis is not about sales, but about results: “You have to take care of your skin EHFDXVH�LW�LV�WKH�ÀUVW�WKLQJ�WKDW�VSHDNV�about you before your clothes, your speech or your personality.” Maria advised those interested in taking care of their skin not to shy away from good products like Elemis, due to the slightly higher costs. “You are careful to eat right and dress right, so why not treat your skin right, too?” One can start slowly with a cleanser, for instance, and gradually move up to use other products, she says.

Felicity Leahy, a trained beauty therapist and International Business Manager for Elemis who was visiting Rwanda for WKH�ÀUVW�WLPH��H[SUHVVHG�GHOLJKW�DW�WKH�encouraging response to the products, so far received. She refers to the Elemis collection as a Lifestyle Brand; it adapts to individuals skin types, work schedule, diet, exercise regimen or whatever disposition one might have. Felicity states that Elemis has been in business for the past 21 years in Europe, Asia, and the Americas. She refers to Elemis as an “affordable luxury brand.”

There are products for both men and women; for cleansing, shaving, exfoliating, protecting, moisturizing, anti-ageing, oily, dry and normal skin types, and for problem skins. There are several products IRU�UHOD[LQJ�DQG�GHWR[LÀFDWLRQ�RI�WURXEOHG�or stressed out mind and body, to ensure optimum performance.

Other products include muscle warming treatments to ease aches and pains, fatigue and muscle spasm; and specialised pregnancy massage designed to relieve tension in the back and alleviate swelling in the hands and feet. Treatments for Face, eyes, feet, hands are not left out, including deep tissue massage therapies.

Maisha Spa at the Serena Hotels uses Elemis products. It is the only Spa where the products can be purchased in East Africa. Alex Kigondu, Maisha Kigali Spa Manager, encourages people to come and try out the products and other services available at the Spa, as they are not meant only for “hotel guests.” Maisha Spa is affordable, and offers a wide variety of aerobic classes and treatments for head, feet and UHÁH[RORJ\��´5ZDQGDQV�ZRUN�KDUG�DQG�should rest well,” Alex Kigondu advises.


Your relationship is not the same as when you first met. You are biting your lips on how to make it work. At this point, it’s obvious that the man of your life distastes you with a passion. Your fear is that, the once heaven-sent love is doomed to be quits, any minute.

Scratch not your head, just look at those little things that made your world a paradise when your love just begun. Little things matter. In fact, little things are everything that keeps the love and passion burning.

Dorris (not her real name) was in a long distance relationship. Dorris sent a phone text to her Kenya based husband every day before she left for work. She would also give him a wake up beep, as routine, every morning. Two days without the routine communication was enough to change Dorris’ husband’s mind, he felt less cared for. Simple as it seems, a good morning or ‘I love you phone’ call is a little thing that matters to him.

Another little thing sparked your last heated argument; he never turned down the toilet seat or it was a forgotten goodnight hug! These seemingly insignificant things really matter; ignoring them can drive a wedge between the loveliest couple.

Intimacy is enemy to exaggeration and a great friend to simplicity. He won’t mind you buying a whole lot of suits on his birthday, BUT, when was the last time you scrubbed his back or held his hand? When did you last compliment his eyes?

Men become robust when showered with attention. When taken care of, they become inspired hence returning the care. This is why a woman should take time to revive those little things that perfected the match. You took a soccer addict for a husband, why the long face when he is watching a prime game? Tuning from his favourite TV channel, may taint you selfish.

By Lillian Nakayima

Little Things Are Everything

Men are secured by knowing how important they are in their woman’s life. Naturally, men love being recognized for who they are. The next little thing is definitely reminding him of his part in your life. The coldest of all men would be moved with a genuine, “I love you,” for example. Feeling loved in one thing and hearing someone mention it is another. ‘Thank you’ and ‘I am Sorry’ are small but too important to be ignored.

Celebrate the special days in your life together. Is his birthday or the day he got promoted at work jotted in your diary? Women misperceived men for serious people who have no significant days in life. Meanwhile, acknowledgement would remind him of the caring beauty besides him.

Don’t pack your bags, just scratch your head for the little things that made your love a living world.

TREND

%LEOH�YHUVH1 Corinthians 11:8-9, 11-12

For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man..... In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes fromGod.

Extraordinary womenin the Bible

Mary was the wife of Joseph and mother of Jesus Christ. She was a woman of rare strength and obedience. (Book of Luke)

Sarah was Abraham’s wife and mother to Isaac. Sarah had weak faith but it to become great faith, is among the ancestors of all Israelites and Jesus Christ (Book of Genesis)

Ruth was a Moabite woman who demonstrated uncommon royalty to her mother in law. (Book of Ruth)

Deborah was a prophetess and judge (Book of Judges)

Hannah was the wife of Elkanah and mother to Samuel. She endured great provocation and ridicule from Peninnah (the other wife who had children) for her barrenness. Due to her great faith and powerful prayers the Lord removed her reproach and gave her a male child. (Book of Samuel).

Esther was a heroine to the Jewish people. She was devoted and had great courage for her people. She defeated the Prime Minister Haman in his plan to exterminate her people. She was a wife to king Xerxes (Book of Esther).

Miriam a sister to Moses and Aaron, she was a courageous woman. The survival of Moses depended on her, his mother and two midwives and the daughter of pharaoh who adopted him. (Book of Exodus)

Martha and Mary were friends of Jesus, they were sisters to Lazarus. Martha was more of a home maker while Mary was a spiritual woman. They were courageous and bold followers of Jesus.(Book of Luke) Mary Magdalene was a friend and disciple of Jesus; she was present at KLV�FUXFLÀ[LRQ�DQG�DPRQJ�WKH�ÀUVW�ZLWQHVVHV�RI�Jesus’ resurrection (Book of Luke)

Dorcas was a great woman, a tailor who spent all her life helping the poor and doing good. When she fell ill and died Peter prayed for her and she miraculously rose from the dead (Book of Acts)

Elizabeth was a wife to Zachariah. They were committed to God. God gave them a son at an old age and they named him John Baptist.



By Lillian Nakayima

The single colour trend

Too much of anything is bad, even in style. Wearing the same colour, from head to toe is exaggeration. Go for matching colours instead, ones that compliment others. For example; Blue with silver, dark purple by red, Yellow with purple, White with hot pink, the list is endless.

Exaggerated accessories

Owning countless accessories grants no green light to dressing like a witch. Many become moving exhibitions owing to overstressed jewellery. With jewellery, one colour is enough for an outfit; a necklace with a pair of matching earrings and a wristlet is enough to make a fashion statement.

Mislaid dressing

For crying out loud, it’s a casual dinner but you are clad in an office suit instead of a simple dress! Even the bible talks of seasons for everything! Different outfits for different occasions, that’s it. Like you can’t wear a bikini to the office, church attire to the beach is a fashion disaster.

Paying no attention to physical features

I once had a friend who kept it skimpy all the time, underrating the fact that she had such thin legs. She won nicknames like toothpick, pencil legs. One can’t modify her natural shape but the right outfit can makes a difference, that’s the importance of variety anyway. Like flaring pants, Isabelle skirts flatter those with thin legs; empire waist outfits compliment those with a big burst while mid-knee outfits are hyper for short chubby people.

Terrible shoes

If a woman has to spend on anything, it’s the shoes. Big wardrobes with one pair of shoes make style harder than it could ever be. Investing in shoes widen selection and smartness, depending on various occasions. The ‘Hair doesn’t matter’ belief.

Last but not least, your hairstyle of course matters. Hair speaks volumes about one’s style and social status. Before heading for the saloon, consider what your new hairstyle will illustrate.

Not valuing days

Today, we dress for the day. Monday to Wednesday, strict office wear, Thusday- casual office attire, Friday-Sartuday should be weekend outfit. Office suits, Linen pants, office dresses come in the category of strict office wear. Tucked in jeans with long sleeved shirts or round dresses are options for casual office wear.You don’t need to dress for the office like you are heading to the disco.

Ignoring feminine colours.

Hot pink, yellow, green, white and purple are feminine stylish colours though they are often ignored. Meanwhile, the brighter the colour, the more feminine it gets. On the contrary, dull colours ruin it all.

It’s expensive

Blame it on competition but some ladies will defy all odds to purchase an extremely expensive outfit because a workmate or neighbour has it. Cloths only be bought if they compliment the owner, not the cost.

Is it not ironical never to dress up elegantly, even a closet full of right accessories and outfits? Several get smashingly dressed, but lots of ladies are famous for fashion blunders. No rocket scientist shouldn’t fix your style, avoid the following mistakes and elegance will be part of you.

Commonfashion crimes.

FASHION

1. Do dress for the occasion

I am a huge fan of getting dressed up. I love it and will use any and all excuses to get glammed up. But if you’re meeting a guy for the first time, you don’t want to make him (and you) uncomfortable by being over (or under) dressed.

2. Don’t wear anything too trendy

Although that dress or top may be red carpet worthy in your mind, your new guy isn’t going to recognize the beauty of it. Take my well earned advice on this one – it may seem like a hip, cool outfit, but there’s a good chance he won’t see the cool factor. I have 4 words for you: zebra printed strapless dress (no, not zebra pattern, an actual graphic of a zebra). Let’s just say he wasn’t nearly as impressed as I had anticipated.

3. Don’t wear anything strapless/low cut/spaghetti straps

This one may not seem like a don’t but it actually is. Guys are simple creatures and they have a difficult enough time focusing without your bare skin distracting them. This is an important one especially if you are going out to dinner because he’ll only be looking at your upper half for most of your time. (While you’re seated.) You want to focus on your date and vice versa and bare skin doesn’t help the situation.

4. Don’t go overboard on the makeup

I’ll spare you the details about the time I got a makeover at the MAC counter just before a date. Let’s just say it included me cowering in the wedge behind the John Hancock hastily wiping my face with baby wipes I bribed from a young mom on the steps outside a Church, hoping against hope my date didn’t catch me acting like a homeless person trying to ‘bathe’. Too much makeup scares dudes. If your face looks too perfect, they’re going to be afraid to touch it, never mind kiss you on the cheek at the end of the evening.

5. Don’t wear something you don’t feel comfortable in!

Confidence is owning who you are inside and out. Even if you have the most gorgeous dress for the night, if it doesn’t fit right or it just isn’t ‘you’ then it won’t work. Find pieces that fit well, are comfortable, and speak to who you are and you’ll be a knockout.There you have it. I hope these tips help you and when in doubt, cinch a belt around your robe and walk around in your heels – anything you put on after that will look fabulous!

What To Wear On

A First Date?One thing to do and four to avoid when choosing what to wear on a first date:


Stay home or working mum? Not an easy choice to make as both have advantages and inconveniences. Poor mums, why can’t we have both advantages… life would be better and easier!

Every mother desires to give her baby the very best. The ideal option however is the balance between staying at home and working. Unfortunately, the “perfect” balance can’t be in our hands. Sniff sniff… but maybe we could just about balance, let’s see.

Money

A working mum has a salary at the end of the month which allows her to satisfy the needs of her baby. In our world, everything has a price. The stay at home struggles in this case.

Baby care

The stay home mum has plenty of time to look after her baby and knows how the baby reacts to each situation. She is able to take care of her family since she is not too tired from work outside the home. A working mum does not have enough time at home and she is tired after work and her baby spends the day with a nanny.

Breast feeding

The baby of a stay home mum will get the advantage of being breast fed

longer while the one of a working mom will need to take other milk earlier.

Independence

The baby of a working mom will learn how to be independent which will strengthen his /her personality. Likewise a mum who works will feel more independent and can also feel she is improving even outside of her home while the freedom of a stay home mum is limited.

Making the decision to stay home with your kids or join the workforce can be a difficult process. There is no right or wrong answer. Each woman should make the choice that brings her closest to fulfilling her hopes and dreams.

It is so wonderful to stay with your children and care for your family, but sometimes we need to be away and do something and get paid for it. It is said money isn’t happiness. True. But we all know it contributes to it. And it is so nice to feel you did something that brought it.

If you choose to be a stay home mum, develop your God-given skill, we all have one and earn some money from it. Let it contribute to the happiness of your family.

You could also learn something you would enjoy doing at home and make

WE ALL WANT TO

BE GOOD MUMS!

PARENTS CORNER

it happen but… don’t let your project take all your time and you end up becoming a busy working person even when you claim to be a stay home mum. Instead learn how to dispatch work and plan your time so that you are able to stick to your chosen status: a happy stay home mum.

Many women work because providing for one’s children is an important aspect of parenting. As a mother however, remember your other responsibilities and do not rely completely on a nanny; direct her, delegate to her but try your best to allocate all your free time to your baby and your family. Be 99% if not 100% sure that the baby and your family got the best care they could ever get. You will need to forget your tiredness and be a super human being but isn’t that what a mum is? A SUPER WOMAN. This is not easy at all.

You may hope to be a mum as well as pursue your career, but you don’t want to be working 10 hours a day and miss your family life. It is a difficult choice but sit down with your husband – the father of those children and together decide on what is best for you and the children and then support one another to do just that. Remember to ask yourself what will my kids remember? What will they tell their kids about me? Was I a good mum?

Good luck to all Mums!

By Ariane Karegire

Many times parents fail to notice the signals their children show them. When engrossed in different businesses or playing the host/hostess at home parties many don’t see the tantrums kids throw; eye rubbing, being cranky and the like. No wonder they become irritable.

We have also witnessed screaming children in churches, parties or in the supermarket, we rush to say oh that stubborn child, doesn’t the mother see feel the destruction being caused. The parents in most cases or baby sitters are to blame for missing the clues the child shows. Kids everywhere act the same way when they are hungry, sleepy, fed up, un easy and tired, it’s up to the parents and baby sitters to look out for these and fix them. Ignoring them makes the whole parenting experience unnecessarily harder.

is not always true, you cant be on the perfect or right side always so parents need to learn to apologize when they do or say something they consider wrong enough for their kids to do. So the do as I say and not as I do must not prevail in parenting.

Parents also need to learn to exercise watchful waiting, where there are no safety concerns. Shouting at kids doesn’t help, what helps is to watch but try as possible to ignore and pretend like nothing is happening, and they will stop. Sometimes it is just attention they want.

Lastly what works for one child doesn’t for another. Parents need to have open minds and respond to their children’s needs differently. Where a parent is firm or tough with one child and maybe delicate or sensitive with another then the parent is responding and reacting to the children depending on their learning and adaptation styles.

PARENTS CORNER

PARENTS KNOW YOUR KIDSAND HOW THEY BEHAVE:

Other mishaps parents do are; Saying no to almost everything a child does makes them deaf to it, it loses its meaning. Moreover, “we often tell kids not to do something without letting them know what they should be doing,” notes Linda Sonna, Ph.D., author of The Everything Toddler Book.

Parents have high expectations of their children, many times its assumed that kids know how to behave around elders, in public spaces, church but NO they are not trying to be nuts with you, they just don’t know how to do it.

So Focus on telling kids how you would like them to behave it may take time but they will learn.

As much as we want to tell our kids that mum or dad is always right this

By Lillian M Ndirima


you spank, and he feels, “I must be bad.”

However note that physical hitting is not the only way to cross the line into abuse. Everything we say about physical punishment pertains to emotional/verbal punishment as well. Tongue-lashing and name-calling tirades can actually harm a child more psychologically. Emotional abuse can be very subtle and even self-righteous. Threats to coerce a child to cooperate can touch on his worst fear—abandonment. (“I’m leaving if you don’t behave.”) Often threats of abandonment are implied giving the child the message that you can’t stand being with her or a smack of emotional abandonment (by letting her know you are withdrawing your love, refusing to speak to her or saying you don’t like her if she continues to displease you). Scars on the mind may last longer than scars on the body.

Parents who spank or otherwise abusively punish their children often feel devalued themselves because deep down they don’t feel right about their way of discipline. Often they spank (or yell) in desperation because they don’t know what else to do, but afterward feel more powerless when they find it doesn’t work. Spanking is a classic example of a parent winning the battle, losing the war given it is not effective.

Spanking also devalues the role of a parent. Being an authority figure means you are trusted and respected, but not feared. Lasting authority cannot be based on fear. Parents or other caregivers who repeatedly use spanking to control children enter into a lose-lose situation. Not only does the child lose respect for the parent, but the parents also lose out because they develop a spanking mindset and have fewer alternatives to spanking. The parent has fewer preplanned, experience-tested strategies to divert potential behavior, so the child misbehaves more, which calls for more spanking. This child is not being taught to develop inner control.

Hitting also devalues the parent-child relationship. Corporal punishment puts a distance between the spanker and the spankee. This distance is especially troubling in home situations where the parent-child relationship may already be strained, such as single-parent homes or blended families. While some children

are forgivingly resilient and bounce back without a negative impression on mind or body, for others it’s hard to love the hand that hits them.

Hitting a child can also lead to abuse as punishment escalates. Once you begin punishing a child “a little bit,” where do you stop? A toddler reaches for a forbidden glass. You tap the hand as a reminder not to touch. He reaches again, you swat the hand. After withdrawing his hand briefly, he once again grabs grandmother’s valuable vase. You hit the hand harder. You’ve begun a game that cannot be won. The issue then becomes who is stronger—your child’s will or your hand. The danger of beginning corporal punishment in the first place is that you may feel you have to bring out bigger guns: your hand becomes a fist, the switch becomes a belt, the folded newspaper becomes a wooden spoon, and now what began as seemingly innocent escalates into child abuse. Henceforth punishment sets the stage for child abuse. Parents who are programmed to punish set themselves up for punishing harder, mainly because they have not learned alternatives and click immediately into the punishment mode when their child misbehaves.

Many times you hear parents say, “The more we spank the more he misbehaves.” Spanking makes a child’s behavior worse, not better. A child who is hit feels wrong inside and this shows up in his behavior. The more he misbehaves, the more he gets spanked and the worse he feels and doesn’t see why he/she should change since the parent according to the child has condemned him/her as bad. This serves to create a cycle of misbehavior because how we feel motivates how we act and this applies to children.

Effective Alternatives to Physical Punishment

So what are the alternative ways to punish a child in a corrective manner and in a way that will nurture a child-parent relationship?

One of the most useful ways to achieve healthy child development is to promote words instead of actions. Talking and using words instead of actions – and therefore talking rather than hitting

will help the child know what behaviors are acceptable or not, what is safe or dangerous, and why.

Listen to the child - find out why he/she did or did not do something and explain your reasoning - this will enhance the child’s decision-making capacities. The word “discipline” comes from the Latin word for “teaching” or “learning.” Children’s behaviors have meaning, and behaviors are directly connected to inner feelings. Thus, discipline is a process which addresses behaviors and the feelings which cause them.

Be sure your expectations are reasonable. It’s easy for parents to expect too much from their children, especially from their first children. No one would expect a nine-month-old baby to show self-control about what goes into her mouth; a child that young obviously needs total and constant protection from the environment.

Be sure not to overreact to misbehavior. It’s easy to get into the habit of scolding and punishing with the same intensity for a minor offense as for a serious one to get your child’s instant attention and obedience. But save your sharpest tone of voice for real emergencies and your most severe punishments for actions dangerous to your child or someone else.

Be brief, be clear. Keep your rules simple and repeat them often. Speak plainly in words of one syllable. Look into your child’s eyes, and hold her hands as you give a command. Be sure not to make rules that can’t be enforced.

Reward good behavior, not misbehavior. Give a well-behaved child more attention than one who misbehaves. When your toddler pats the dog gently, reward with praise and a hug. When he throws a tantrum because you save the dog from mistreatment by letting it go outside, step over the screaming child and pay no attention. For a small child, love and praise are better than material rewards of food, toys, or money.

Other ways to discipline kids effectively include using timeouts, withholding privileges, modelling appropriate behavior, and helping kids understand the connection between actions and consequences.

There are so many theories and opinions on ways to discipline children but one thing that people seem to fail to agree on is whether it is appropriate to spank or hit children. Some Christians even consider it biblical to hit children given the ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ proverb and many other references to using the rod to straighten out children but given the impact the manner in which we discipline our children has on them, we need to give more thought to this.

Child upbringing and discipline is considered to be a private matter, one that only gets people’s attention when things get grossly out of hand and many parents feel that they are within their rights to punish their children whichever way they want without being questioned or judged. However let us consider what the impact spanking has on these little and defenceless members of the community.

Consider a classic story given by Dr. Jim Sears about a mother who believed in spanking as a necessary part of discipline until one day she observed her three- year-old daughter hitting her one-year-old son. When confronted, her daughter said, “I’m just playing mummy.” This mother never spanked another child. Children love to imitate,

especially people whom they love and respect. They perceive that it’s okay for them to do whatever you do. Parents therefore should always remember that they are bringing up someone else’s mother or father, and wife or husband. The same discipline techniques you employ with your children are the ones they are most likely to carry on in their own parenting. The family is a training camp for teaching children how to handle conflicts. Studies show that children from spanking families are more likely to use aggression to handle conflicts when they become adults.

Spanking demonstrates that it’s alright for people to hit people, and especially for big people to hit little people, and stronger people to hit weaker people. Children learn that when you have a problem you solve it with a good swat. A child whose behavior is controlled by spanking is likely to carry on this mode of interaction into other relationships with siblings and peers, and eventually a spouse and offspring.

But, you say, “I don’t spank my child that often or that hard. Most of the time I show him lots of love and gentleness. An occasional swat on the bottom won’t bother him.” This rationalization holds true for some children, but other children remember spanking messages more

than nurturing ones. You may have a hug-hit ratio of 100:1 in your home, but you run the risk of your child remembering and being influenced more by the one hit than the 100 hugs, especially if that hit was delivered in anger or unjustly, which happens all too often.

Physical punishment shows that it’s all right to vent your anger or right a wrong by hitting other people. This is why the parent’s attitude during the spanking leaves as great an impression as the swat itself. How to control one’s angry impulses (swat control) is one of the things you are trying to teach your children. Spanking sabotages this teaching. Spanking guidelines usually give the warning to never spank in anger. If this guideline were to be faithfully observed 99 percent of spanking wouldn’t occur, because once the parent has calmed down he or she can come up with a more appropriate method of correction.

Also the child’s self-image begins with how he perceives that others – especially his parents – perceive him. Even in the most loving homes, spanking gives a confusing message, especially to a child too young to understand the reason for the whack. Parents spend a lot of time building up their baby or child’s sense of being valued, helping the child feel “good.” Then the child breaks a glass,

SHOULD WE

OUR CHILDREN?SPANK/HIT

PARENTS CORNER

By Felista Kimanuka


Girls, we run this motha (yeah!) x4GIRLS!

Who run the world? Girls! x4Who run this motha? Girls! x4Who run the world? Girls! x4

[Beyonce - Verse 1]Some of them men think they freak this like we doBut no they don’tMake your cheques come at they neck,Disrespect us no they won’t

Boy don’t even try to touch thisBoy this beat is crazyThis is how they made meHouston, Texas babyThis goes out to all mmy girlsThat’s in the club rocking the latestWho will buy it for themselves and get more money later

I think I need a barberNone of these ** can fade meIm so good with this,I remind you im so hood with this

Boy im just playing, come here babyHope you still like me, ** pay meMy persuasion can build a nationEndless power, our love we can devourYou’ll do anything for me

[Chorus]Who run the world? Girls! x4Who run this motha? Girls! x4Who run the world? Girls! x4

[Beyonce - Verse 2]

It’s hot up in hereDJ don’t be scared to run this, run this backI’m repping for the girls who taking over the worldHave me raise a glass for the college grads

Anyone rolling I’ll let you know what time it isYou can’t hold meI broke my 9 to 5 and copped my

chequeThis goes out to all the women getting it in,Get on your grindTo the other men that respect what I doPlease accept my shine

Boy you know you love itHow we’re smart enough to make these millionsStrong enough to bare the childrenThen get back to businessSee, you better not play meDon’t come here babyHope you still like me** pay me!

[Bridge]

My persuasion can build a nationEndless powerOur love we can devourYou’ll do anything for me

[Chorus]

Who run the world? Girls! x4Who run this motha? Girls! x4Who run the world? Girls! x4

Who are we?What we run?The world!

(Who run this motha?)

Who are we?What we run?The world!


Who are we?What do we run?We run the world!


Who are we?What we run?We run the world!

Who run the world? Girls!****End****

MUZIC

BEYONCE KNOWLESGirls Who Run the World

African women in general need to know that it’s OK for them to be the way they are -- to see the way they are as a strength, and to be liberated from fear and from silence. Wangari Maathai

It may be the cock that crows, but it is the hen that lays the eggs. Margaret Thatcher

A woman is like a tea bag: you cannot tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. Eleanor Roosevelt

Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weaknesses. Marie de Vichy-Chamrond

Men look at themselves in mirrors. Women look for themselves. Elissa Melamed

I hate women because they always know where things are. Voltaire

Don’t settle for average. Bring your best to the moment. Then, whether it fails or succeeds, at least you know you gave all you had. We need to live the best that’s in us. Angela Bassett

You don’t become what you want; you become what you believe. Oprah Winfrey

QUOTATIONS


POEM

My sisters, my mothers, my elders, my childDo you know what you have?Do you know who you are?

You ARE beautiful.

So beautiful,so blessed,

so specifically created

So lovingly perfected by the greatest painter to be knownEvery stoke put on with love, in every line his love is shown

Why do you take your painting, into the fire of disgrace?Why do you drizzle the poison of alcohol over its lovely face?

The lines get blurry,The highlights begin to fade,

Yet more and more, you pour some more

Do you know when my friends, we are at our most beautiful?Do you not see the wonder in those simple times,

when the faded painting still begins shinesWhen you see a snapshot of time of girls sitting in the grass,

SmilingLaughingTalking

Innocent joy at last

And then we flip to the next shot,And sadness fills my soul and mind...

What are you in,Clothes that cause others to sin...daring to bare, not giving a care...

Ripping away the worth of your painting,Tired of waiting for that perfect buyer,

You flaunt yourself to the multitude of the roomSome say flirt, others say liar

Do you see what you open up? Do you not see the door!Its open when you do this, and then begins the scorn

Scorn and painLoss not gain,Fear and hurt

Respect like dirt

Oh how my soul does pain,I tell you, my soul does pain

The drizzle, the pourThe ripping, the door

I know it all to be true,I’ve been and felt it too

But wait, don’t cry or don’t cry yet too muchFor I have an answer, I have a new crutchA crutch that went under my broken wings

A crutch that made me whole again

My crutch is named Jesus, and he rescued my heartI was about to hit the ground but he scoped me right up

Love in the face of distressLove in the face of a messLove regardless of cheatLove regardless of deceit

He loved me, and loved me, and loved me some moreUntil I was so off the ground and I began to soar

To soar on wings like eaglesTo run with endless breathTo walk with new integrityA new creation at its best

Hope in the lord,for in Isaiah he does promise

He will give you this new strength,He will not forget his daughters

You are beautiful my sisters,My mothers and my friendsBut your beauty is in Christ,

Formed in sculpting lovers hands

Don’t destroy your beauty,Don’t let your flesh prevail,

Connect to your creatorLet his spirit take the wheel

In him you shall find your happiness,In him you shall find your Joy

In him you shall find all you’ve been searching forIts in him you’ll be made whole.

You are beautiful, women of God.

A WOMAN’S BEAUTY

Joanna Gara, Poetry&Songs4God,

POEM

My daughter of a broken world,

You’ve reached that tender age

Where suns have rose and moons have shone

Though many seemed the same

Young spirit of a once lost girl,

Its time you take your flight

No more do you fit her new frame

Its time to heed the night

*******************************

Arise all you who know this girl

Bear witness in her sight

For you declare her growth and change

You testify her plight

See them now my rising girl

See them stand and speak of you

Its time you face the next new stage

Its time you face new truth

********************************

Yes, womanhood awaits you now

She is hear, she knocks for you

Reach out your hand, so soft yet firm

Take hold of what is new

Breathe from in to out my child,

Let that inner woman grow

Build up the strength inside your heart

Stand tall my child, stand tall

*********************************

Life will get hard, I promise this

There will be times to cry

But with each tear my tender child

Learn also how to dry

To dry your tears, and mend your wounds

To refuse to stay knocked down

To grow a tenacity deep within

That you CAN make it and stay strong

***********************************

Yes, learn your heart and mind and soul

Discover what is good

Allow that might within you girl

To light the darkened rooms

Courage child, Hope and Love,

Let them take their rightful place

Inside your heart and spirit they

Shall help to guide the way

*************************************

The God Jehovah made you fair

The sweetness of divine

Step now in all pure joy and smiles

To Womanhood and Life

This is all I have to say to you,

Though it is far from a goodbye

For I will always watch out for you

After all, you are but I

FINDING WOMANHOOD

Joanna Gara, Poetry&Songs4God


END PIECE

who really shouldn’t be looking my direction anyway – and so its safe to crush from afar.

Then there’s the all-stars! Those guys who two-thirds the female population swoon at the sight of (the other third keep oxygen masks handy): charming, funny (or at least I think so – I giggle at practically anything they say) with killer looks and a disturbingly good sense of style. I would never want to date one of these guys, because: one, I don’t think my self-confidence could last very long with a guy whose hair looks better than mine; and two, I’m not that competitive. I don’t want to fight for an autograph! I would rather spend my lunch break imagining how he’ll one day stop his limo because he saw me across the street, drop to his knees in front of me and pledge his undying love… sigh… right, moving on!

Another great contender is the just-a-little-bit-too-young-for-me guy (and for me, if you’re born a day before me, you are way too young) – there was a whole line up of these guys at university, who were a year or two below, plus there were friends of

my younger brother, or my friends’ younger brothers… always very good looking, far too mature for their age and like to treat me like I’m the coolest thing since Bourbon ice cream. It is so flattering to be around these guys – they make me feel pretty and clever and cool – but not quite enough to forget that I was born before them.

Oh, and I can’t forget the taken guys – often someone who’s name I had always struggled to remember, until I found out he got a girlfriend, and now, I suddenly realise what a cute laugh he has – but its too late! This item is no longer in stock.

What makes these always-a-crush-and-never-a-boyfriend’s extra fun is they remain a secret – I never gush about them to my girlfriends, because, well, I know they’ll drag me back to reality, either by using cold hard logic or deep dark shame, neither of which have a place in the world of crushes!

I love crushes. I remember when I was around 13, my friends used to call me ‘boy-crazy’ because I used to have a crush on about three (or four, or five) different boys at the same time. There was Yorick because he was tall, athletic and had that goofy grin; and Kim because if he said hi to me I would be left in an enchanted daze for the rest of the afternoon trying to remember how to reply to ‘hi’; and of course, Ryan… probably because he was the only black guy in my year. I loved crushing on the boys, and I still do – I love the confusion, the ludicrous daydreams, the flustered self-consciousness when they walk in to the room! It reminds me that I’m a girl… and not some drone that punches instructions into a computer. But my favourite crushes of all, are the ones which I know will never lead to anything. The guys who will remain forever preserved in crush history as unobtainable and unavailable.

There’s the old-enough-to-be-my-father guy: intelligent, confident, sympathetic, decisive and very knowledgeable – usually school teachers, politicians, bosses – men

By Akaliza Gara

Photography by Allur Studio

PICTORIAL

EYE 2 EYEPARTY

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the diva magazine issue 2