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Melissa StioNews Editor

Volume 88Issue 7

So Long, Peckham Hall! Nazareth College’s renowned Peck-ham Hall opened on Sept. 27, 2012 and is home to 20 state-of-the-art laboratories, as well as numerous classrooms. The building cost about $30 million dollars to build and sup-ports unique research and learning because of the many high-tech fea-tures that are available to undergrad-uate and graduate students. As nice as Peckham Hall is, some unnamed faculty members were unimpressed and would constantly scrutinize what Peckham Hall could have been with a few more million dollars. As of March 15, 2013, the higher-ups have decided that this summer they will begin the demolition of Peckham Hall to pave the way for an even newer math and science center. Some sources say that an anonymous source will be donating $80 million for the creation of this new building, more than any previ-ous donation. B. Thomas Golisano will also be donating a few million dollars to the cause, because as any college student in Rochester knows,

Golisano has many buildings with his name on them and decided that Nazareth would need another. Yes, the new math and science building will be called the Golisano Sci-ence and Math Academic Center, abbreviated lovingly as G-SMAC. According to the head designer of the project, this building will be like nothing that has ever been built before. Standing at six floors high, G-SMAC will be the largest build-ing at Naz and house hundreds of

classrooms and labs. The labs will resemble those of movie sets, equipped with holographic projectors and three-dimensional computers. Re-portedly, all of the technology will be green and stand apart from other research facilities in all of the world. The source states “This building will essentially

radiate sheer awe to all those who pass it. We’re planning it to be dou-ble, no, triple LEED (Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design) certified. I’m not even sure what that means, but what I do know is that it will be better than that new-fangled Sustainability building at Rochester Institute of Technology. Golisano would much rather put his name here, rather than there.” While construction of the new G-

SMAC building takes place, math and science classes will be can-celled in their entirety and students will earn credit for these classes as a free pass. To some, this may seem impractical, however, the campus needs time to perfect this build-ing. There are also plans to pos-sibly revamp the entire campus to match this shining chrome beacon of a building in the next decade. There will also be a system of un-derground tunnels that will actu-ally act as an underground campus, sporting shops and restaurants. With the demolition of Peckham Hall, Nazareth is opening its arms to modernization and innovation as they re-design the archaic campus and bring our institution into the twenty-second century. This may seem a bit dramatic of a change for a small school like Nazareth to make, though as the administrators see it, this overhaul of our school is for the best and will bring more attention to Pittsford, New York.

Scuba Diving in the Pool Find some Nazareth treasure at 8pm on April 4th

Create-a-Major Want to change your major to French Dance Therapy or something else that Naz doesn’t have? Stop by Academic Advisement on April 5th between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. to declare a new major

How to LARPApril 8th at 2:00 a.m. Natpow Quad

Pat MonachinoStaff Writer

The ringing in my ears has yet to stop from the rejoicing that took place from Chartwells deciding to bring back the late night dining option at the CAB and the official death to Late Night at the Lourdes Dining Hall. Chartwells, along with Nazareth College, finally re-sponded to the students requests to bring back the late meal options at the CAB starting next week. There are rumors that the nuns, returning to campus, are going to hold a ser-vice in honor of this event. The re-sponse has been so overwhelmingly positive that the CAB is expected to make more money in one night than how much Chartwells has made this entire semester worth of Late Night. Much has been made of the death of Late Night has al-ready been covered by CNN, NBC, and Fox News, but we are here to cover the rest of it. We are here to give you the exclusive details. One of the staff members of Chart-wells, speaking anonymously of course, talked with us about the de-cision to re-open the CAB at night instead of sticking with Late Night. The staff member said, “There was clearly a negative response when

we took away the dining option at the CAB during the night. We’ve been hearing these complaints since the beginning of the year, and even-tually we had to stop just blatantly ignoring the concerns of the student body. It made zero sense for us to keep pretending that people enjoyed the Late Night option we have in the Dining Hall.” We agree and are happy that Chartwells and their staff did not display some sort of mis-guided stubbornness to try and hide behind the fact they were wrong to change from the CAB at night to Late Night in the Dining Hall.

This move by Chartwells made perfect sense. Why would students want to pay $7 for a snack late at night, as 9:00PM is usually a time col-lege students want a snack, and not a meal, when they can go to the CAB and buy the one item they actually wanted for a more reasonable price. Another factor which played into Chartwells’s deci-

sion to re-open the CAB at night, which this year at night has resem-bled an eerie deserted room you see in a Post-Apocalyptic Zombie movie, was its placement near the library. There has been many a night in the past three years where I have been working late at night in the library and left, leaving my stuff in the library, to go grab something at the CAB. I would not do that this year when I have to go all the way to the Dining Hall and sit down as if I am having a second dinner. Chart-wells realized this dilemma and wanted to accommodate the studi-

ous individuals at Nazareth, rather than those who were delaying work in their rooms, or in the Dining Hall. With this groundbreaking move-ment by Chartwells we may see other firsts from the Dining Hall service. The same Chartwells staff member said, “We have talked about the possibility of letting Naza-reth students with meal plans leave the Dining Hall with food, rather than telling them they aren’t allowed to take out the food they have paid for. Unfortunately we are not there yet. We still don’t think Nazareth students could handle the responsi-bility of eating their own food.” We are proud of the Chartwells staff. They are taking huge strides and we are there to hold their hands along the way to have a better relationship between Dining Hall staff and us students. We know it will be tough for them to trust the needs of their students and do some of the things we ask, but we believe in them. Af-ter all, Chartwells has never made a decision without first thinking about how it will affect the student body. In reality, they understand students are the ones who really matter.

Ding, Dong, Late Night is Dead! Night Options Return to CAB

Photo courtesy of Melissa Stio

Happy April Fool’s Day Nazareth!Note that none of these stories are actually true. Please enjoy our creativity!

Meggings are all the rage ColumnsPg. 2

Taylor Swift’s ex writes breakup song A&EPg. 5

Sisters move inNewsPg. 6

Naz changes mascot SportsPg. 9

Healthy habits of Mountain DewColumnsPg. 11

The Gleaner gives a voice to the student perspective. We embody the true Nazareth College spirit and are dedi-cated to the representation of the entire Nazareth student population. We are committed to working with everyone who wants to be involved and building a dynamic environ-ment for students to develop great reporting, design, and art skills. And finally, we want members of The Gleaner to be excited about working together; our meetings provide a safe space for all ideas to be openly discussed, and en-couraged. We value everyone’s individual talent and con-tribution to our paper.

EDITING STAFF

OPINIONS EDITORCody Paul

A&E EDITORAli Sewalt

SPORTS EDITORKelsey Sweet

ETC. EDITORSamantha Strain

COLUMNS EDITORNoelle McElrath-Hart

COPY EDITORRachel Montpelier

EDITOR IN CHIEFLaura Sestito

MANAGING EDITORsAli Sewalt

Samantha Strain

Paige CulverMaggie GeboMeghan GillenHaley JohnsonElizabeth Lenz

Kate MercerGiancarlos Molina

Pat MonachinoLiz RozeskiMelissa Stio

Beth Ver Steeg

STAFF WRITERS

Liz RozeskiStaff Writer

Campo To Get Awesome New Rides

Noelle McElrath-HartColumns Editor

Meggings: The hot new trend sweeping the nation

There is a new fashion craze that is sweeping the fashion industry by storm. The biggest style statement for guys since bleached tipped hair is growing in popularity as you read this. The craze is meggings. Leggings. For men.Never heard of them? These new fashion staples have become popular in Europe, and are now gaining traction in the states/ These skin tight bottoms first hit the runway in the fall and winter 2012 lines of fashion designers, and have appeared in several reputable stores like Barney and Nordstrom. Because of this, the fashion industry has made it easier than ever to meet the target audience with their marketable product. Maybe you know someone who enjoys watching male ballet dancers and told you, “Wow, I wish I could look like that all the time.” Meggings are here for them. Have that one friend who enjoys wearing the tightest skinny jeans possible because he wishes he could

wear leggings like theladies are allowed to? Meggings are here for them. Maybe you are a guy who thinks to himself, “Hey, why can I not show how amazing my lower body is?!” Meggings are here for you, too.. Stars like Justin Bieber and Russell Brand have been flaunting the new bottoms, and it is only a matter of time before they become the norm and go-to outfit staple for guys. Jeans will be burned. Sweatpants will become a thing of the past. Jersey shorts will all end up at Goodwill. Meggings will come here. Meggings will stay. Maybe male yoga pants will also be appearing in all their glittered and branded glory at your local Pink by Victoria’s Secret store. Just imagine a world where both men and women have an equal opportunity to have the words “Love Pink” sqralled across their butts. Is that not the world we are meant to be in? Until then, meggings will surfice. Obviously, if the Biebs is taking part in the meggings world, the trend is legitimate.

I think we can all agree that the short amount of time it takes for Campus Security to get from place to place is already astounding. Those officers respond to calls in a flash and sometimes they do not even drive to the buildings, which is why we all have seen them running from place to place. The school seems small, but I think we all know that walking from Shults to GAC is not the most fun hike and I think we should make it easier for the officers to get from place to place fast and have them not be worn out by the time they trek across the campus. One word, horses. I know, it seems ridiculous. Think about it though. Canada has the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The Canadian crime rate… okay, maybe it’s not as low as I thought. However, the overall crime rate is much lower in Canada, due to the Mounted Police in my own opinion. Think of how quickly Campus Security will react to calls to unlock

doors, and while they are doing so, you can even pet the horse. Everyone loves horses, and we have a stable that the horses could stay in. President Braveman has already tracked down a place that will sell us horses and one mini pony. The Campus Security officers have met their horses and have named them. The parking lot near Shults will have a small stable for the horses to stay in during the day. A new work study position will open up to hire people to take care of the horses, so check your email for information on a sign up and other bits of information about the job. Let it be assured that the horses will be treated well and will not be harmed in anyway. There has been a device invented and fitted to the horses to make sure there are no…well, messes on the streets throughout campus and on the sidewalks.

Photos courtesy of sporthorse-data.com, and commons.wikimedia.org

Photos courtesy of guardian.co.uk and thekit.ca

FACTS. No really, this page is real. We had to include SOMETHING legit.

The four day Upper New York State Swimming and Diving Championships, referred to by all swimmers as States, showed what the Nazareth swimmers had been training for since the end of September when the men finished in 8th Place out of 14 teams, the highest the Men’s team has finished at States so far under head coach Martie Staser, and the women finished in 4th (Both teams finished 4th in the Empire 8 Finals Standings). Freshman Swimmer Dan Burke has excelled since joining the Golden Flyers this year. He has become Naz’s number one Backstroker both in relays and individual events and has impressed many throughout the year. His unique style to swim underwater off every wall to the max point combined with hard work this entire year (he often lapped me in our lane) brought him three individual records (200 IM, 100 back, and 200 back) along with four relay records (200 & 400 Medley, 400 & 800 Free). Burke placed 4th in the 200 Back, 6th in the 200 IM and 100 Back, 7th in the 200 and 400 Medley Relay, and 8th in the 800 Free Relay, earning B-cut National Qualifying times in the 100 and 200 backstroke. With this being Burke’s freshman year Nazareth has three more

exciting and successful years ahead of them with Dan Burke swimming. Junior transfer swimmer Tim Rappold has commanded a lot of attention this year. In his first season at Nazareth, after transferring from Division-I Rider University, Rappold contributed to three new school records (400 IM, 200 and 400 Medley Relays), and narrowly missed the 100 and 200 breaststroke records. Rappold’s top places at States included 4th in the 200 Breastroke, 5th in the 400 IM, and 7th in both Medley relays. He will be back next season for his Senior year with the Golden Flyers where he will surely bring success once again. Freshman diver Jeff Green gave Nazareth College the diver it had been missing and needing for years. At States he finished 6th in 1-meter diving, and in his first year diving 3-meter finished 11th. Both events resulted in records for Green and allowed him to have a chance competing at the Zones meet and a chance to qualify for Nationals. At the Zones meet he finished 6th in 1-meter and 7th in 3-meter which were not enough to get him to Nationals this year, but allowed him re-break his 3-meter record and end the season on a high note.

Nationals is in his sights and should be achieved with more of his hard work over the next three years. His shammy biting routine before every dive will not be discouraged, as we cannot mess with success. Sophomore swimmer Brittany Friedrich stepped up her game this year and walked away from this year’s State meet feeling successful. She dropped 3 seconds in her 100 Breastroke and 7 seconds in her 200 Breastroke (2:27.82) from the year before finishing 6th in both events. She was also a very important part to the Nazareth Women’s B Medley Relays. With Senior Carissa Risucci, already graduated and who will be done with swimming after Nationals this year, leaving Friedrich will once again need to step up and become a contributor on those A Relays. Through her hard work and dedication, she can definitely do it. Junior sprint freestyler Emily Sauter has dominated in the water this year. Known for swimming the 50 and 100 freestyle she did both well at States, after swimming them well all year, and added a successful finish in the 100 Backstroke (58.77) as well with a time close to almuni swimmer Cheryl Roubian’s 100 Back record

(58.14). Sauter finished the meet 4th in the 100 Free and 400 Free Relay, 5th in the 200 Free Relay, 6th in the 100 backstroke, 3rd in the 200 and 400 Medley Relays, and 9th in the 50 Freestyle. After placing in the Top 8 in all but one of the events she swam at Championships she will be looked at as a leader for next year’s Golden Flyers and we wish her the best for a just as successful Senior year to come. Already graduated swimmer, she graduated in December, Carissa Risucci has succeeded at Nazareth in what seems like the moment she stepped on campus four years ago. This year was no different. Risucci finished the meet with best times in each of her individual events and new records in both the 100 (1:03.93) and 200 Breastroke (2:16.20). She earned a National B cut Qualifying time in the 100 Breastroke and a National A cut Qualifying time in the 200 Breastroke, which was also a new Championship meet record. At the end of four days her hard work had also earned her the title as Female Swimmer of the Meet. Risucci is the only swimmer for Nazareth who is still currently swimming, as she will be competing for her fourth straight year at the National Meet in the

100 and 200 Breastroke, as well as the 200 IM, March 20-23 at the Conroe ISD Natatorium in Senandoah, Texas. She is currently seeded second in the 200 Breastroke and fourth in the 100. Risucci’s leadership and tenacity will be missed by the Golden Flyers next year, but for the time being we are wishing our last competing swimmer the best of luck and success as she goes and competes at Nationals! Other record breaking/Top 8 finishing Flyers include: Jacob Kline (records in the 200 Free and 100 fly. Top 8 finishes and records in the 200 and 400 Medley Relays and the 400 and 800 Freestyle Relays), Mike Bidwell (Top 8 finishes and records in the 200 and 400 Medley Relays, 400 and 800 Freestyle Relays),Bryan Geary (Top 8 in the 400 Free Relay), Sean Doyle (Top 8 in the 800 Free Relay), Karisa Kobel (Top 8 finishes in 200 and 400 Free Relays, 200 and 400 Medley Relays), Maura Reissig (Top 8 finishes in the 100 Back, 400 and 800 Free Relays, 200 and 400 Medley Relays), McKenna Murphy (Top 8 finishes in 200 Fly, 400 and 800 Free Relays), and Amanda Rogers (Top 8 finishes in the 200, 400, and 800 Free Relays).

Most people enjoy when the circus comes to town because of the out of the ordinary antics that are associated with them. When the Bobby Valentine circus show comes to town, sane people run away. His controversial antics have been well documented over his career in baseball and ESPN. He brings more stress than Congress fighting over healthcare or gun control. The sheer mention of his name ruins any Red Sox fan’s day. Even though he has left a negative mark on so many people, here he stands today with yet another job. Sacred Heart University, located in Fairfield, Connecticut, is taking what seems like a bigger risk than betting all your money on the first game you see in Vegas. Starting July 1, 2013, Bobby Valentine will be the new athletic director for the Pioneers. Now I’m not saying this is a bad idea, but that’s what everyone thought when they took all the extra lifeboats off of the Titanic. Bobby Valentine walked into the Red Sox clubhouse for the first time and immediately began to tear apart relationships

Foreseeable Headaches for Sacred Heart University Athletics

among players, coaches, and management. The 2012 Red Sox team had an all-star cast and was built for success in their 100th season at Fenway Park. They ended up trading away six players (Youkilis, Crawford, Beckett, Gonzalez, Shoppach and Punto) who were supposed to play a big factor into a successful year and finishing last place in the AL East with a 69-93 record. The media ate him alive and he seemed inept at tying his shoes, let alone leading a Major League baseball club. The Red Sox management did not want to be viewed as making a mistake of firing Terry Francona and then hiring Valentine, so they left him as manager for the entire year and effectively threw away an entire season. The arrogant former manager, and former owner of a fake mustache in the Mets dugout of the 2000 World Series after being ejected from the game, showed the media and all who cared to watch, there weren’t many, how his disillusioned mind really thinks he was not to blame at all for the 2012 season catastrophe. Talking about the 2012 campaign, Valentine was quoted to say, “And I thought I did a hell of a job in Boston. I

thought what had to be done there was done, except for winning a pennant.” I don’t think anybody who has a 69 win season can say that they achieved “what had to be done,” especially from a team that had won 90 games the year before. He had inherited a great team and was the cause for a fire sale half way during the year. Had the Red Sox management admitted that they made a mistake and fired him early in the year, or halfway through, they may have been able to salvage a year, but chose to throw it out instead. The old school, hard-nosed manager is an extinct concept in baseball. It is also a concept that has never been heard of, and for good reason, or wanted as the athletic director of a University. At his introductory press conference, Valentine still talking about the Red Sox said, “Wasn’t the first time I was fired and it probably won’t be the last.” For once I agree with Bobby Valentine. He will be fired again. He will be fired from this Catholic University. There truly should no longer be a place in athletics, let alone baseball, for Bobby Valentine.

Nazareth College’s Equestrian Team finished up their regular season February 24th at Alfred by being crowned highpoint team of the horse show. The team won with 38 points, one point over reserve champions Binghamton and Alfred. Many of Nazareth’s riders took home first place ribbons during their two days of showing at Alfred; Tiffany Wendt, Cara Czechowski, Leslie Johnson, Meghan Christopher, Victoria Green, Katie Serron, Caitlin Lefton, Claire Willey, and Kelly Parnell were among the class winners. Victoria Green was also named reserve high-point rider of Sunday’s show with her two first place ribbons. Seniors Megan Christopher, Kara Snyder and Tiffany Wendt, juniors Julie Breed, Cara Czechowski, Kyli Knickerbocker and Katie Serron and sophomore Claire Willey returned to Alfred to represent the Golden Flyers on Saturday March 9 in the regional horseshow which riders must qualify for. Megan Christopher

won the intermediate over fences class and Kyli Knickerbocker received a fifth place. In intermediate on the flat Knickerbocker took home the top prize and Christopher received an eighth. Because each rider placed in the top two spots of a class they will both represent Nazareth at the Zone 2 Finals in their respective classes on April 7th at Long Island University in hopes of qualifying for Nationals. Unfortunately all the other qualified riders for Nazareth had their seasons end on March 9th. Tiffany Wendt, Kara Snyder, Julie Breed, Cara Czechowski, Katie Serron, and Claire Willey all competed in the advanced walk trot canter class which had 23 riders and did an outstanding job. Willey took home the fourth place ribbon and Breed took home eighth. Nazareth’s team received fifth place overall in regular season standings out of all the teams that compete in their region which is excellent.

Nazareth’s equestrian team ends regular season on high note

Swim Season Championships Finished in Record Setting Fashion

Pat MonochinoStaff Writer

Pat MonochinoStaff Writer

Bailey BloughStaff Writer

Elizabeth LenzStaff Writer

Andy HeinleinStaff Writer

With the end of the semester approaching, just about every-one is excited for spring, and with spring comes SPRING-FEST. The most exciting part of Springfest is, of course, the concert, and there has been a lot of speculation over who the performers this year will be. The headliner has been chosen, and we are pleased to announce that Insane Clown Posse will be preforming at Nazareth for our spring celebration this year! Naz really wanted to bring a bigger act to the stage this year, and ICP has not only a huge fan base, but also one of the most enthusiastic. The duo, proudly hailing from Detroit, Mich., has paved their way into their own branch of hardcore hip hop known as horrorcore. They are well known for their personas as “wicked clowns,” and are easily recognized by their face makeup. They’ve been selling out arenas for a good portion of their 20+ years of performing, and are known for putting on an incredibly theatrical perfor-mance. This bad is infamous for their references to the “Dark Carni-val,” and even more so, for their loyal fanbase of Juggalos. A

Juggalo is an ICP fan who often paints their face as a wicked clown, like the band members, believes that the Dark Carnival is the limbo that they will en-counter after life, and identifies deeply with the rest of the Jug-galo brotherhood. Many of their songs include

topics relatable to college students such as partying, hang-ing with friends (see the song “Homies”), and their thoughts on life and music and miracles. They also write numerous songs and lyrics covering the topics of cannibalism, living in the ghetto, necrophilia, being

clowns, murder, and hell. Their music is full of insightful lyrics, such as the line from their song Miracles: “Music is all magic/ you can’t even hold it/ it’s just there in the air.” We’re hoping for a great turnout at Springfest this year, and despite terrible weather the

past couple of years, fingers are crossed that the performance will be held at the stadium to accommodate a large crowd. Coordinat-ing a musi-cal event is always a buzz of excite-ment, and it is hoped that such a big concert will bring together the campus one last time before the stress of finals sets in. We’ve chosen an act that believes in brother-hood, encom-passes a lot of variety in their music,

and stands up proudly for being different. The performance will take place on April 20.

Photo courtesy of: http://www.bandswallpapers.com/data/me-dia/9/Insane_Clown_Posse.jpg

With the recent popularity of the 50 Shades series, as well as the continuing love affair with Stephe-nie Meyers Twilight series, the English department here at Nazareth has decided to incorporate these fine works into the curriculum. After much deliberation, the professors have established that these series demonstrate great writing and character development. Teachers plan on using these books to look at the relationships displayed in them. And now that there is word of a “50 Shades of Grey” film, both of these series and their film counterparts can be used to look at how the book transfers to the film, and if their messages of love and devotion seem to be the same as they are in the book. If you are not familiar with these books, let me introduce you to them. Stephenie Meyer wrote “Twilight” after being inspired by a dream. The series revolves around Edward, a vampire, and Bella, a human, and their love for each other and the obstacles their relationship must tackle. The series is very popular with the 12-15 year-old girls’ crowd. Though that doesn’t mean that your average Nazareth stu-dent will not enjoy the book. “50 Shades of Grey,” written by E L James, is about a woman, Ana, who meets a man, Christian, at an interview and the two end up having a intense sexual relationship. The story originated as a form of “Twilight” fan fiction, a genre of writing where fans write stories involv-ing characters of a book, film, or television show.

We’re still unsure of how the students will react, but the members of “The Gleaner” are very excited that Naz is giving students the op-portunity to read these books.

Photo courtesy of: http://www.rotten-ecards.com/ecards/Rot-tenecards_2635117_mzrch6f34w.png

Naz literature department to take on 50 Shades of Grey and Twilight VOTE NOW!

Like our poll on The Gleaner Face-book page and YOU can choose the

title of Nazareth Theater Departments adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey - The Musical!

OR

Springfest performnace announced: ICP to be the most suprising and talent filled show to hit the Arts Center

Paige CulverStaff Writer

Back by popular demand!

You listened and popular telev-sion networks heard! In a year filled with disappointing TV cancelations, viewers will be pleasantly surprised to find that TV networks are bringing back a few, select fan favorites. These occurrences are becoming more prevalent as fans become more

adamant to be in control. In recent news, fans of television show Veronica Mars enlisted the help of Kickstarter, a website used to raise money and aware-ness for goals of individuals or groups, to draw attention to the desire of having a Veronica Mars made into a movie. The 30 Rock fan base blogged and FanFictioned heavily has the end of the show was an-nounced. Fans are currently demanding more on the Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy storyline and of course more of the hilarious humor from Tracy Jordan, Jenna Maroney, and the adorably-strange Kenneth Parcell. Stay tuned folks! You can be sure you won’t be disap-pointed by Tina Fey’s wit and the laughs that are sure to come from the rest of the cast. In further exciting news from NBC, The Office will not be ending after all. Initially fans requested an extended series finale but were soon taking it to the next level. Fans, producers, creators and other important roles agreed that the show could go at least two more seasons. To

gain back the original following, Steve Carell will return to lead his fellow Dunder Mifflin fam-ily. There are rumors of a baby Michael Scott born to Michael and Holly as well as a possible third on the way for Jim and Pam. Speaking of Jam, (Jim and Pam combined for nonfans) fans

of these two lovebirds couldn’t be more excited. Who doesn’t love a good, simple love story that gives everyone home for something of the very same? As if there aren’t enough

Law and Order’s and CSI’s to keep track of CSI: Miami’s cancelation went surprisingly noticed and now will return af-ter fan uproar. Despite the series drop off as the last few seasons progressed, fans still seem to want more and their hopes have been answered. Prepare for more glitzy themed violence as writers tackle never before seen crime stories that will ensure the usual fan paranoia intense mo-ments and adrenaline filled fears that never fail at bringing you back for another episode. Stay tuned for more news of revived television shows and remember your opinions can be heard if you demand enough.

Photos courtesy of: http://www.universalchannel.asia/sites/uni-versalchannel.asia/files/styles/show_keyart_642x280/public/the_office_s8_show.jpghttp://images5.fanpop.com/

image/photos/24900000/CSI-Miami-csi-mi-ami-24962860-800-600.jpghttp://wvuafm.ua.edu/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/tv_30_rock07.jpg

Ex-boyfriends of Taylor Swift colloborate on a song

Ali SewaltA&E Editor America’s sweetheart, Taylor Swift, was recently dissed by a song collabora-tion from former ex-boyfriends including Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner, John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal, Conor Kennedy, and Harry Styles. This mostly musically talented group surprisingly stayed away from a vengeful theme and praised swift for her sweet nature but all concurred that there were some definite commit-ment issues. The gentleman (except for you Joe Jonas, and you too John Mayer, and while we’re at it – Jake Gyllenhaal), okay half gentleman, half jerks, recommended that maybe Swift shouldn’t run to her guitar and lyric book first after a break-up. The suggested instead that she phone a friend or go find a certain Ben or Jerry to console her. In Joe Jonas’ verse, he apologized for the ten second phone break-up and the quick bounce back to his then new girlfriend. However, he did chide her for the slightly immature and hurtful song, “Better Than Revenge” from her Speak Now album. He felt it was unneces-sary and put his then girlfriend in a bad light. Taylor Lautner was his typical kind self and simply stated that he accepted Swift’s apology in “Back to December” but that he does not feel the need to get back together and feels they are headed in busy, different directions. Not being much of a singer, Lautner showed his sensitive side by playing guitar and providing mostly backing vocals. John Mayer declined to comment on “Dear John” and its power-ful message. He too apologized for his actions and said in hind-sight that he felt “their age difference was too drastic and that they had different intentions in mind and he apologizes for the pain he caused.” Jake Gyllenhaal is seen in the video wearing the scarf Taylor fre-quently mentioned in the multiple songs she penned about him on her last album, a real slap in the face to Swift. He appeared the least apologetic, perhaps because he was the one she divulged the most information on. Conor Kennedy appeared nonchalant and gave the impression that he and Swift remained good friends as she had also grown to befriend and become close to his family. He sang of their summer memories and times that he would never forget. Finally, coming off the most recent

break up, Harry Styles seemed quite bitter still. It doesn’t help that Swift poked jabs at his accent in a televised award show and insinuated that they were in fact never ever, ever getting back together, like ever. Despite that burn, Harry seemed to agree and stated that he was onto better things and wouldn’t hold it against her forever.

Critics and other anti-Swift fans hope that this teaches Taylor to not be so quick to produce a song that inflicts revenge on others.

-Photos courtesy of: http://i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/up-loads/2012/11/taylor-swift-lies-boyfriend__oPt.jpg

New horror movie Eerie Canal to be filmed on Nazareth Campus

The films writers and producers will be hold-ing auditions the first week of May in the

Nazareth College Arts Center. Look for posters for specific times and locations and be sure to spread the word to fellow theater majors and

anyone else who might be interested!

Liz RozeskiStaff Writer

After Naz Compliments started and became a hit, a new page was created and has had just as much success. Naz Confessions opened their account at the end of February of this year, and has given students a place to tell this anonymous administra-tor their secrets to be anony-mously shared with anyone that is friends with this page. The thing that has attracted most people to this page is that you can tell everyone your biggest secret with-out revealing your identity. Some of the things on there were jokes at first, like quot-ing the recent film “Pitch

Perfect”: “My real name is Fat Patricia (March 7).” However, after a while, the secrets got more personal and, for example, some peo-ple got their roommate com-plaints off their chest. It was interesting to see not only the confessions, but how many people confessed to this page administrator they didn’t know the identity of. I think everyone had some interest in who was actually running the page, and then someone brought up our worst night-mare: Is President Braveman running Naz Confessions? The creator claimed he was not the president, but the worried sentiment still was in the air. Less and less con-fessions seemed to come in

and actually get posted. Was it because the Nazareth com-munity was out of things to confess? Or did a little part of us still think that it was Braveman behind this page? After some investigative journalism, it has been re-ported from an anonymous source that on the presi-dent’s browse history on his computer, the Naz Con-fessions page has been ac-cessed multiple times over the last 30 days. Will the president be able to deny his administration of this page any longer or will he come clean one of these days?

Naz Confessions run by our President?

Meet Your New Neighbors: The Sisters of St. Joseph

As most of the Nazareth College community knows, our fine institution was origi-nally founded by the Sisters of Saint Joseph in 1924. For the longest time, Nazareth was known to be a Catho-lic school. It was not until the 1970s when the school was declared to be co-edu-cational as well as no longer affiliated with the Catho-lic Church. A few decades have since passed with rela-tively no issues concerning this switch, until recently. It started as a piece of gossip that was brought to my attention by a student here. Rhonda Golden Flyer emailed me one afternoon saying the following “I’m not exactly sure if this is the sort of thing that I would send in to ‘The Gleaner’ but I saw the nuns at the Sisters of Saint Joseph picketing our school. You can’t miss it, they’re right off cam-pus on French Road. Those nuns look pissed.” I was clearly alarmed and decided to walk over to the Mother-house and sure enough, the entirety of the Sisters were proposing the re-affiliation of Nazareth College as it would “help ensure a godly education” of my generation. On the following day, it was reported to “The Glean-er” that the Sisters had

stormed the campus in an an-gry huff and forced their way into the empty dorm rooms where they will remain un-til the school returns to its roots of Catholicism. Presi-dent Braveman declined to comment at this time, say-ing that, “We have no idea where this came from, but we need time to figure this out with the Sisters.” Students are advised to go about their normal routine and if a nun is seen on campus, they are to treat them with the utmost respect even though this con-troversial time may bring about some unkind feelings. No one has gotten any in-side information from the nuns on why they feel the need to storm our campus. Since this is a developing story, there is probably still more to come from news sources in the coming days. No student should be alarmed at the presence of the nuns, however. They should be un-derstanding and cooperative of this protest and not let it affect day to day activities. Nazareth is doing its best to control the sudden influx of nuns but also preserve the liberal integrity of our in-stitution, as this is the most effective way to ensure that graduates are as well-round-ed as they absolutely can be.

Hockey team to switch to figure skatingElizabeth LenzStaff Writer

After Nazareth’s first year with a hockey team, the sea-son did not go as well as the team had hoped. With this, the players decided to take the team in a different direction: figure skating. The idea came about after a few members had watched “Blades of Glory” and thought that they could do it too! They had noticed through the season that the team had a certain grace on the ice. This led to them rehearsing routines during their scheduled practic-

es instead of practicing for the upcoming game. The routines are set to songs like “Call Me Maybe” and “We are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” in hopes of creating a fun, up-beat atmosphere. They said they find the sport to be very therapeutic and helps them get in touch with their femi-nine side. While the team has been practicing their singles and group routine, they are in-terested in having some of the ladies on campus join them to

Photos courtesy of www.csjkan-sas.org and erdmananthony.com

Courtesy of Naz Confessions Facebook

help them with their doubles. The guys are considered to be older in the sport, however they are confident that they will definitely be able to jump right in and start bringing back some titles! They realize that the change is sudden and it’s strange for a hockey team to switch, but they believe it’s for the best. We are sure they will be phenomenal and that they will be able to make the transition from hockey team to amateur figure skating team very smooth. They really hope that the students will support their decision to switch and come and watch their perfor-mances, and maybe even come and see them at competitions.

Photo courtesy of www.naz.edu, www.symbolclinic.com, and Melissa Stio

Melissa Stio News Editor

Nazareth adds latest development: a petting zooAndrea HeinleinStaff Writer

Nazareth has been consider-ing different ways to develop the area around the horse barn for quite some time now, and it has been widely debated over what that land should be used for. A lot of people have been speculating that the unused area will be turned into a field house once the horses are no longer around, but the college has an even better and more im-mediate plan. This summer, a pet-ting zoo will be added to campus and it will be full of friendly fuzzy animals when we return in the fall!

The ideas for a petting zoo arose when the college began brain-storming ways to develop the open land without needing to relocate the horses (which are supposed to live out their lives on campus, according to an agreement the college made with the Sisters of Saint Joseph when Nazareth was purchased). A petting zoo is fitting because the land won’t need to be developed and there won’t need to be too much loud and damaging construction to disrupt the horses. A barn already exists to keep food and supplies in, so all that will need to be built are fences and shelters for our new four-legged school-mates. A petting zoo is expected to raise student morale, especially during stressful times like finals

week. Recall the pet therapy work-shop put on in the forum every year? Imagine being able to de-stress with cuddly little farm ani-mals whenever you need! It will also be a great way to tie Nazareth to the surrounding community. Moving onto campus and leav-ing your pets at home is just one of the many adjustments that incom-ing freshman need to make when coming to school, and sometimes you just crave the company of someone who will let you scratch their ears while you talk about your day. Though no pets are al-lowed in the residence halls, a petting zoo will provide students with some cuddly companions to play with during the semester.

Goats and sheep are common petting zoo pets, and we will defi-nitely have a handful of each next semester. You can also expect to see bunnies running around in their own enclosure behind the pre-existing horse barn. Minia-ture ponies are to be expected as well, as there is plenty of grazing land for them to roam and play.

Construction of these new liv-ing quarters won’t begin until af-ter school lets out for the summer so that construction vehicles and supplies can be kept in the GAC commuter lot without interfering with commuter parking. The zoo should be full of furry friends when we return for fall semester 2013.

Tunnels being extended to the

Arts Center so more students and faculty can benefit from the

annual warmth

Naz golf carts to be available for hourly and daily rental to

make transportation around campus that

much more easy!

Naz Delivery to deliver food directly to dorm rooms as an

added convenience for students who are too

focused on homework to leave their rooms

Happy Easter! The Albino Squirrel has been reportedly seen alive on campus this semester, meaning

only one thing: Squirrel Ressurection!

Complimentary therapy is now available strictly for music majors so the mass

amounts of anxiety that they experience can be effectivley treated while here at

Nazareth!

Pat MonachinoStaff Writer

Francis I Leaves in the Middle of the Night: Catholics Without a Pope Again

Apparently these first few weeks were too much for newly elected Pope Francis I. Francis, formerly Cardi-nal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, left one cold Italian night in the Pope Mobile and left a note in his unmade bed announcing his resignation as the head of the Catholic Church, effective immedi-ately. Where he has gone we can only speculate, but a mis-placed ticket to Vegas sug-gests he may have still found his way to “Sin City.” If he does, in fact, make it to Vegas and the Pope mobile is found, the Italian authorities plan to call off the man hunt to find Francis, as we all know everything stays in Vegas.

Rumors of the new Pope-to-Be have also been put on hold, it seems, as one Cardi-nal, speaking anonymously, said, “I mean we were all just there. Do you have any idea how hard it is getting a

plane ticket to Italy on a life of poverty?” Asking Italians if they would be back outside the Vatican, again, to wait to hear the news and see the new Pope once again, there also seemed to be a less than stellar response. Italian resi-dent Vito Corleone was quot-ed to say, “I mean I was out there last time, and I really can’t spend any more time away from work.” Resident Vittorio Orlando added, “I’ll just watch it on television or listen to the radio to find out.”

With the lack of enthusi-asm, the Vatican City has re-vealed that they plan on spic-ing up the selection process. Whoever decides to show up by April 1, 2013 at 2:00 PM local time, who holds an of-ficial position in the church (Cardinals, Bishops, Priests, and even Deacons and Nuns) will be locked in the Vatican and all have an opportunity to be voted in as the next Pope. We could be witness-ing history with the first Pope who has been elected

from a position other than Cardinal, and we also have the opportunity to see the first female Pope in history.

It is really fascinating history which nobody seems to really care about, but we do here at the Gleaner. The Gleaner will be sending field reporter and Asian corre-spondent Trisha Takanawa to cover the happenings in Vatican City from now un-til the new Pope is elected.

Check back at our next issue for the follow up sto-ry. Second Pope Watch of the year is upon us, who do you want to lead your re-ligion?

Follow us online at www.TheNazGleaner/Pope-Wa t c h 2 / A p r i l F o o l s I s s u e .gov to follow live reports from Vatican City and fill out your Next Pope Brack-et. March Madness has nothing on the decision of the Catholic Religion.

Photo courtesy of www.post-gazette.com

Naz News in a Minute

Buffalo Sabres with a chance?

Pat MonachinoStaff Writer

SPORTS8

Our nation’s pastime: Baseball to be played at Nazareth starting spring 2014

Nazareth College has decided that we will no longer be ex-cluded from the ranks of those colleges that get to engage in our Nation’s Pastime. Start-ing spring of 2014, Nazareth College will welcome a colle-giate baseball team to the list of competitive varsity sports. The Nazareth Sports faculty and staff are really excited to be able to add baseball, especially with the news that lacrosse will be cut next year. Plans to add a baseball team have been in place since be-fore plans to add a hockey team, but there was just this extreme push for a winning hockey team, and we were all glad to see them have a win-ning season. The plans to make a proper baseball field on Nazareth College campus are in the plans. Where the current softball field is they are going to move the field closer to the turf field and re-design it so there will be the correct dimensions for the base paths, distance between the pitcher’s mound and home plate, and of course the field will need to be larger to keep there from being a homerun at every hit. The field will also be turned so that the hit-ter will be hitting towards the hill. The structure that will house the field will be just like a major or minor league base-ball stadium modeled off of a

combination of Wrigley Field and Fenway Park. There will be seating on both sides of the diamond, and in the outfield as well. The seats will also be individual seat bleachers like in professional parks. The softball field will be, at least temporarily, moved over to the horse fields. There are plans to move the field either towards the Smyth lawn, or leave it near where the horses currently are. It would be next to the Field House when that is completed. Many stu-dents are excited by the news. Junior Psychology major and Nazareth Swimmer Bryan Geary expressed his excite-ment saying, “I never even go over to that area now un-

less there’s snow for sled-ding. With a baseball team I see many people going out in the Spring for games there than go out to sit on those cold, metal benches when the lacrosse games are on the turf field.” He plans on try-ing to walk on to the baseball team his Senior year. It is true there is something about a baseball game and the envi-ronment it brings that makes you feel like it is a nice sum-mer day, even during a spring in Rochester. The coaching staff has al-ready been named and Naza-reth somehow managed to hire former major leaguer Barry Bonds as the first base-ball manager in what will

hopefully be many years of a successful baseball program. When asked about the hire Nazareth Athletic director Pete Bothner said, “We think that Barry Bonds’s long his-tory of moral behavior and his stand to always play the game fairly will translate into a suc-cessful baseball team. He is a good and honest man who has always had the greatest respect of the game and his teammates. His easy going attitude, we believe, will cre-ate an enjoyable and relaxed environment, which has been proven to yield better success in this sport. The Nazareth coaches are also very pleased with this newest addition.” He has put together a staff

comprised of former Major League all-stars like Roger Clemens (Pitching/First Base Coach), Mark McGuire (Hit-ting/Third Base Coach), and Manny Ramirez (Bench Coach/Athletic Mentor on Professionalism). Trainer Brian McNamee is also plan-ning on coming to work ex-clusively with the baseball team. Spring 2014 will come about 90 years after Nazareth College was formed and the Nation’s Pastime will finally have its spot on campus. The kinks have not been fully worked out, but there will be progress next year towards diversifying the campus a little more and reducing the gap between the ratio of men who decide to come to Naza-reth. With the sad news that the lacrosse team is getting cut there seems to be a silver lining with the introduction of the baseball team. After next spring we will, most likely, have a follow up is-sue on the team, the season, and how Nazareth is coping with no more lacrosse team. But until then we shall enjoy our last lacrosse season until next year when we hear those words, “Let’s play ball Naza-reth!”

-Photo courtesy of www.rudyproject.com

Liz RozeskiStaff Writer

After the recent news of head coach Lindy Ruff getting fired, it is rumored that the Sabres are coming back and going to clinch one of the spots in the Stanley Cup 2013 playoffs. The shortened season gave fans everywhere a sense of nerves that their team would not reach the playoffs. Some teams had a slow start but finished strong enough to take a spot in the playoffs and prove themselves. In the case of the Sabres, they tend to fall into that category and start to play strong close enough to the end of the season to get into the playoffs. They haven’t won the Cup…well they have never won the Cup. That’s all about to change though. They are saving their strength for the coming games and it’s said that if they win all of their games, give or take a few, that they will be in the playoffs. It’s also rumored that if they do make it to the playoffs, they will at least make it to the final game to battle for the cup. They have

made it to the Eastern Conference final before, and they are surely capable of doing it again, and

making it to the finals. Pegula said the Cup was going to come to Buffalo, and they fired Ruff to further push this dream, so it has to be coming soon. The Sabres have a chance to clinch the title, and if they do Lindy Ruff will come back to win Coach of the Year for the second time. If the Sa-bres make it to the playoffs this year, which they are favored to do so, they will prove many people in the country wrong, as well. It is also unavoid-able that if Ruff comes back, Regier goes. So let us hope these predictions are correct so that these things will happen and Buffalo will be more than “A drinking city with a sports problem.”

-Photo courtesy of www.sportslogos.net

The Golden Flyers name was just not doing it anymore. Last year at this same time Nazareth President Daan Braveman, Athletic Director Pete Bothner and the head coaches here at Nazareth were all debating on whether they should change the name and mascot, or whether to keep it the same. Some of the poten-tial ideas were: The Golden/Purple Squirrels, the Fight-ing Butterflies, the Magenta Aardvarks, and the Mauve Snuggly Bunnies. In the end, the group consensus was to change it to a name previ-ously used on the campus, but with the Ultimate Frisbee team. Next year the Naza-reth Golden Flyers will be the Nazareth Twisted Sisters. With the Nuns moving back on campus next year and having a more involved role in what will be required of students here at Nazareth, the staff and panel of coaches agreed that there was no bet-ter way of honoring these women of God than to have a name that is tasteful and

entertaining. Noth-ing strikes fear into people more than the image of a ruler being swung at you. The wrath of God will be seen in those innocent faces as the nuns section fills up. Extra security is al-ready being request-ed to try and keep out as much “Blood of Christ” as pos-sible. The response from the Rochester Diocese and the Sis-ters has been great. There will be a mass this coming summer to pray for a great season and to com-memorate Nazareth’s reacquired commit-ment to Catholicism. The Nazareth col-ors will now be black and white (like nun vestments) and the mascot will be, you guessed it, a nun. When the Nazareth Twisted Sisters take the fields and courts, swim in the pool, run around the

tracks, our opponents will be fearful knowing that God is on our side and will smite them down. Even the Naza-reth Dance Team will be don-ning a nun inspired uniform for all of their performances. Nothing says inspiring your

team like a bunch of college girls dressed in what looks like a dirty nun’s costume for Halloween, dancing to music that nuns clearly do not listen to, I hope. The Dance Team coach said, “I really wish all of our girls were going to be here next year and dancing with my girls for the Twist-ed Sisters. The nuns outfits are extremely cute. I know some of our Seniors would have loved them.” I’m sure we all are excited to see the mascots and an

entire nun and priest section cheering their most horrific Bible verses at our God fear-ing opponents. The amount of John 3:16 signs may break a world record in the first game of the season.

Open auditions for the mas-cot, to be named Sister Stella, are open to all returning stu-dents and will take place April 1 of this year and it is not even required to be a woman, men are encouraged to try out and don the vestments and old woman mask. Pre-vious experience with dance and chanting of bible verses is preferred to all who try out and it you would be required to supply and bring your own ruler. Sister Mary Clarence will be in charge of the audi-tions. When talking about the mascot she said, “Sister Stel-la will be the main event on the sidelines and during half time. I bet many of you have never seen a nun dunk a bas-ketball, but you are about to.” Her signature chant, “Begone Satan,” will be sold on cloth-ing options in the Nazareth Bookstore starting this sum-mer. Preorder your Twisted Sisters t-shirts and hoodies at www.NazNunsSports/Twist-edSisters/AprilFoolsIssue.god. Not even the rapture can stop us now.

Despite offers from ESPN, Fox Sports and BBC World News, the Gleaner is proud to an-nounce they have won exclusive rights to a behind the scenes look at the Nazareth Men’s Soccer program. From now on the Gleaner will have a new column each issue in the sports section with the new trend started by the Nazareth Men’s Soccer team. Junior Vice-Captain Luke Elston started using the hashtag #thegleaner before The Gleaner even had an official Twitter account. Luke said, “I was captivated by the April Fool’s is-sue of The Gleaner April of 2012.” Tweets are about life on the Naz Soccer team and has now expanded to aspects of college life. “All tweets have some element of truth, but they are mostly just for entertainment of fel-low tweeters,” said Elston. Nazareth Men’s Soccer team has always been huge support-ers of the Gleaner. Elston said, “I have been reading the Gleaner since before I kicked my first soccer ball at the age of four.” Before the game many players read the gleaner to relax. Freshman midfield maestro Kieran McCoy

molded himself on reading MLAAF and at-tributes his social mediocrity to MLAAF col-umn of the Gleaner. “Ryan Foley and I dream that one day one of our “Horrors of Pittsford Village” episodes will be reviewed in the Gleaner’s A & E section.” Simon Moundson cuts out his favorite arti-cles from the Gleaner and compiles them in a scrapbook. Roommate Luke Elston (creator of the hashtag #thegleaner) found the scrap-book under his pillow. This scandal has since been denied by Moundson, the English center midfielder. In the coming issues, we will include the best hashtag #thegleaner tweets. Elston says, “Naz Men’s Soccer are training very hard and are determined to be successful in the upcoming 2013 season and would like to use #TheGleaner after a long day of studying and training hard.” The Nazareth Men’s Soccer team encourages all new Gleaner tweets to use the hashtag. Naz Men’s soccer would like to thank the fans for their ongoing sup-port.

#TheGleaner

ESPN-0, The Gleaner-1 #TheGleaner

@LukeElston15Junior Ryan Foley future uncertain after falling back in love with the Irish culture #TheGleaner

@LukeElston15Part-time blogger Ryan Foley admits after being fully americanized, July 4th is more important to him than St. Patricks Day. #TheGleaner

@KieranMcCoy08Freshman Kieran McCoy honored with front page after being voted sexiest male on campus. #TheGleaner pic.twitter.com/M8JrwL0z

@jimboslicerT. Rocco after spotted wearing rival club gear : "All my shirts were shrunk in the wash by Luke Elston" #TheGleaner pic.twitter.com/uMvAgtLr

@LukeElston15Pandora offer 3 Naz soccer players 7 year sponsorship deals said to be worth $70,000 each #TheGleaner

Pat MonachinoStaff Writer

SPORTS9

Nazareth to officially change mascot name

I take to my segment here in the Gleaner as the expert in all things healthy when it comes to our diets to inform you on my healthy drinking option of the month: Mountain Dew. There are many out there who would like you to think that this green beverage, given to us directly by a higher power, is unhealthy for you. I am here to defend

this sweet nectar and tell you the positives of Mountain Dew.

In 1965, part of Mountain Dew’s slogan was, “It’ll tickle your innards.” What it should say is it tickles your innards with satisfaction and awesomeness. There are no worse effects from Mountain Dew to your insides than any other soda or acidic drink you can buy out there.

In fact, it is my expert opinion that this drink, whose taste can only be explained by “green,” is as close to what the Fountain of Youth will taste like. It is a fine complement to any meal. Breakfast, lunch, or dinner; they all could use a little Dew. Much of what people complain about is the pH of Mountain Dew, because the pH is fairly acidic. A further examination of the ingredients of Mountain Dew reveals that there is orange juice in it. The orange juice is clearly affecting the acidity, but what we should focus on is that there is orange juice in it. Last time I checked, people want you to drink your orange juice. If anything, we should be thanking Mountain Dew for the Vitamin C we are getting.

People will give you the arguments about any soda (espe-cially Mountain Dew) will cor-rode and destroy your teeth. In my opinion, this is a superstitious rumor. If anything, the out-of-this-world elixir, with its acidic, delicious consistency, will assist in the removal of plaque from your teeth. I have been drinking Mountain Dew for years, and if anybody should have a problem

with their teeth, it would be me. Last summer at the dentist, the doctor only told me one thing: “Keep brushing your teeth, and keep up the good work.” I do not even need to get my wisdom teeth removed, which is what majority of my non-Mountain Dew drinking friends have to do. Based on my expert experience with Mountain Dew, the soda clearly has no negative effects on teeth.

No longer shall you live your life fearing the bias of those who do not want you to enjoy life to the absolute fullest that you can. Go out now, take a sip of that substance. Know now that you will no longer be a vic-tim due to lack of knowledge. For more information on Moun-tain Dew and other health bene-fits that you may experience, you may visit www.HealthyHabits/Gleaner/MountainD/April1Is-sue.bad. Make sure to pick up our next issue of the Gleaner where we look at the health ben-efits of Captain Morgan.

Photo courtesy of mountain-dew.com

Pat’s Healthy Habits: The Benefits of Mountain DewPat MonachinoStaff Writer

As the zombie apocalypse will inevitably fall upon us, it’s important for you to be prepared. You have to remember that you need a variety of weapons, as they all serve different functions. So let’s get hunting!

Here’s what you need:A gun/rifle (it can be any

type: hand, hunting, semi-auto-matic, automatic)

A knife (preferably of the hunting variety)

A large macheteA cross bow Now do you need all of

these? No, especially if you’re on your own. Too many weap-ons can weigh you down. I’d recommend one or two weapons a person. And to keep the vari-ety, something sharp that doesn’t require ammunition (a knife) and one that does (cross bow or gun.) That way you can protect your-self in different situations.

Knives can be used in for a small flock of zombies. Just stab them in the brain and your job is done! They’re also very quiet so they won’t attract any other zombies to your area. Now the gun is good for larger groups, because you won’t really want to get close to them in case they can overrun you. You’re not go-ing to be the best shot at first, unless you’re trained, because

then lucky you! The guns are re-ally loud, so unless you have a silencer, I suggest that once you use your gun, you relocate and fast. The cross bow is a great mix of the two in the way that it’s quiet and it can be used at long distances.

All of the different types guns have their pros and cons. Let’s start with the hand gun. It’s compact and easier to handle. But, it’s loud and can run out of ammunition fast. Then with the hunting rifle, that too is easy to handle. It runs out of ammuni-

tion fast, even faster than the hand gun. But, the rifle is heavy, and strong enough where it can be turned around and you can use the butt of the gun to subdue any on coming zombies. Then you reach the semi-automatic and the automatic guns. These are some gems if you ever get ahold of them in the apocalypse. Filled to the brim with ammo, these will not let you down. The only thing that must be tackled is control-ling them. They have quite the kick and they can be frightening when you first use them. When

you’re able to handle them, they can be very useful.

You aren’t limited to just the items I’ve named. You can use any item that can cause dam-age to the head. A baseball bat, an axe, even a frying pan (caste iron is preferable though) are options! Get creative and have some fun with your zombie hunting. I hope these tips were helpful! I wish you all the best in the upcoming apocalypse.

Photo courtesy of flinttin-derwood.blogspot

Elizabeth LenzStaff Writer

The Art of... Zombie Hunting

Pinterest Done Right

Photos courtesy of meme.com and craftfail.com

Likes Dislikes&Everything at ChartwellsBy far, it is the best reason to be on campus.

Endless winterWe are too good for vitamin C. The World Ending in 2012Obviously, we are all dead right now.

GAC Elevator being DestroyedEveryone takes the stairs, anyways.

Wi-FiThe slow connection allows us more time to contemplate those enduring questions in life.

Getting rid of Late NightWe all love only having one place to eat at night.

The end of the lax teamThey were such a vital part of the Naz culture and diversity.

Too many awesome eventsThere is just so many to chose from.

Teachers who don’t give finalsStaying on campus that extra week really makes you appreciate your coursework.

Too much parkingAs stated before, we do not do well with too many options. Our minds implode.

Find the five differences in the picture.

Photos courtesy of collegeapps.about.com

Laura’s Advice Column: Telling you like it isLaura SestitoEditor-in-Chief

Dear Advice Girl,I’m graduating this May and I’m having a hard time figuring out what I want to do. The real world just seems so scary and I wish I could just stay at Naz for the rest of my life. What do you think that I should do?-Lost in Translation

Dear “Lost,” First, let me address your idea that you want to stay at Naz for the rest of your life. What, exactly do you expect to find here for the rest of your life? Some squirrels to keep you company? Creepy solo walks through the tunnels? A new batch of bros coming in every year? I think you can see where I’m going. You’ve spent your four years here making friends and memories and blah, blah, blah and now your time has come to and end and there’s really nothing you can do about it. Would you rather be the 25-year-old cougar sitting in the Cab preying on young freshman while all of your friends have,

you know, lives at their jobs or in grad school? If you answered yes to that then you have more problems than I can help you with but if you’re a normal human being who said no then may i be so bold as to say get off your sentimental rant and move on already. Life goes on whether you like it or not so I suggest you keep up with it. As far as what you want to do after you graduate, you’re a little late in the game on that one. May I suggest practicing the phrase “would you like fries with that?” as you figure out what job you could actually hold because that’s about all you’re going to get when you step into the real world so unprepared. While this may sound like a not-so-ideal situation, just think of all the free milkshakes you might get. It’s really a win-win all around.

Dear Advice Girl,I’m a math major and my boyfriend keeps complaining that I’m too smart for him. Should I start acting dumber

when I’m around him? I dont want him to leave me.-Smartie Pants

Dear “Smartie,” As I sit here, trying to come up with a possible response to say to this horrifying question you just asked me, I have to question the state of your smartness in its entirety if you could even have the capacity to come up with a statement like this. Here’s your answer: Never. Ever. Act. Stupid. For. Someone. Else. Can I make this anymore clear? I don’t care if this guy is freaking Ryan Gosling or Chritian Grey in the flesh, if anyone, boyfriend or not, wants you to act “dumber” than you are, you run in the other direction. Every. Time. Now here’s what you do to drop this loser like a hot potato: first, start speaking in algorithms at every available opportunity. He’ll probably think you’re speaking in Korean or something so use this to your advantage to make him think you’re insulting

him. If this fails, start quoting Jane Austen or Harry Potter or some sort of literature that you know this idiot won’t know. Make sure you find something that will subtly insult his character but will do so in a way he won’t understand. (This shouldn’t be too hard). Finally, publically humiliate him in some way that compromises his intelligence and shows off yours. It is after this final step that you will finally earn your title of Smartie Pants. Good luck!

Dear Advice Girl,My roommate and I are constantly getting into arguments, especially now that finals are coming up. I have a lot that I need to study for but she’s always playing loud music or having “guests” over that I never have a minute to myself! What should I do?-Frustrated in FoundersDear “Frustrated,” Your roommate sounds like a real winner. Congratulations on picking that one. Other than

suggesting that you find alternate means of living next semester, let me suggest on what you should do right now to make sure that you get the space that you need. If your roommate wants to have “guests” over (and I’m assuming I know the kind) that’s your cue to make the room as unwelcome as possible. Examples: leave your bras hanging out, talk about your fungal problem or, if you’re feeling extreme, just stop showering. Your unwelcome guests will likely be running for the door. As far as the loud music, there’s really not much you can do unless you want to break her computer or something which I really don’t suggest, lawsuit-wise. Instead, get your revenge by setting your alarm for whenever she’s asleep and kindly mention how sorry you are for having to get up so early to finish the homework you couldn’t do after she kept you up half the night before. Nothing will make people do what you want faster than interfering with their sleep schedules. Trust me.

Naz goes greekAfter much deliberation, debate, and discussion, Residential Life has

decided to establish “Greek Life” at Nazareth College. Portka, a seniors suite-style living residence, will now be divided up into separate sororities and fraternities (eight sororities, two fraternities, in order with the break-down of gender popularion at the school). Administration aims for the activites of these organizations to be aimed at academic achievement, com-munity building, and service to the greater Rochester Community. In ad-dition to the ten official greek organizations, clubs, sports teams, and other campus organizations may elect to petition to found their own Greek com-munity (a community may be co-ed). Those interested may stop by the of-fice of Residential Life for a petition form!

Upcoming Lecture series

How To Be A Naz GirlWant to learn about the importance of Uggs

and leggings? Are you constantly confused by the myriad patterns offered by Vera Brad-ley? Not sure which Pinterest Craft to make next? This Wednesday in the Forum, stop by for an illuminating panel discussion on all as-pects of being a classic “Naz Girl.” Starbucks drinks will be served, along with some of our most favorite recipes from Pinterest (our cup-cakes have only 18 calories! And are made with edible glitter! So adorable!). The panel is free, open to the public, and is BYOP (bring your own playlist of country and/or pop and/or indie music). See you there!

APRIL CAMPUS EVENTSDyngus Day!

Guys - watch your backs. Seriously.

Squirell Appre-ciation Day

All classes will be can-celed.

Chartwells Protest

Bro Spirit EventCome to the gym in your best bro attire for a prize.

Standardized Testing Week

All students must pass*

*or will be expelled

Albino Squirell Funeral

will be held in the cha-pel. :’(

Honesty DayAll students required to say how they really feel.

Chartwells Protest

Chartwells Protest

Chartwells Protest

Chartwells Protest

Chartwells Protest

Chartwells Protest