The Gongfarmer’s Almanac - Rem RPG/Magazine/The Gongfarmer's Almanac/The... · The Gongfarmer’s Almanac: ... Written, Illustrated, and Produced by the DCC RPG G+ Community RULES

The Gongfarmer’s Almanac:

A Dungeon Crawl Classics RPG Zine

Written, Illustrated, and Produced by

the DCC RPG G+ Community

RULES & CAMPAIGN MISCELLANY – PART 1

VOLUME 4 OF FIVE BOOKLETS

Printer:__________________

Copy ______ of ______

2

Table of Contents

Volume 1: Men & Magic

PC Classes

Assassin. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4

Dervish. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

Gold & Glory from Beyond the Grave. . . . . . . . . . . 13

Luchador. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23

Martial Grandmaster. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30

Sword Monger. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31

Rituals & Spells

Blood Splash. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37

Healing Spellburn. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .40

Sacrifice. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .45

Temporary Creation. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49

Vacuity. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .53

0-Level Player Character Record Sheet. . . . . . . . . . . 58

Volume 2: Monsters, Treasure & Patrons

Monsters

Antimater Man. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4

Blight Serpent. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5

Ghosts. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6

Grub Knight. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

Snakion. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

Vaechral. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

Treasure

Items to Die For. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

Objects of Wonder. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14

Pelagian Equipment. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

Wall of Kovacs. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19

Patrons

Ghrelin. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21

Great Ebon Hand (GEH) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36

Hecate. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43

The Will of Obitu-Que (The Eye of Obitu-Que). . . . . . 54


Volume 3: Adventures

Hemlock Bones Mystery Adventure #1: The Coal Snoot (level 1). 4

The Marvelous Myriad Myconid Caverns (levels 3-4). . . . . 16

May Flowers (0-Level Funnel). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32

Tomb of the Thrice-Damned War Witch (level 4). . . . . . . 42

The Worm Cult of Laserskull Mountain (scale-able). . . . . 55

3

Volume 4: Rules & Campaign Miscellany – Part 1

Black Blood Pass - a mini-campaign setting. . . . . . . . . 4

Chirumancy - NPC Class. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19

Crawling Castle of Grumblethorn. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25

The Grove. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33

Killtackleball. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .39

Mighty Deeds of Arms: Spear. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47

Tales of Travels, Trials & Chance Meetings. . . . . . . . .50

The Dryad’s Tree (fiction) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52


Volume 5: Rules & Campaign Miscellany – Part 2

The Gongfarmer’s Almanac. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4

Master Zine Index. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20

This product is based on the Dungeon Crawl Classics Role Playing

Game, published by Goodman Games. Dungeon Crawl Classics and DCC RPG

are trademarks of Goodman Games. All rights reserved. For additional

information, contact [email protected].

Each article, art & associated material, belongs to their respective

artists & authors. If you would like to include, copy or use a

derivative of the work, please contact the original creator.

-- Black Blood Pass --

A Mini-Gazetteer

By Roy Snyder

5

As taken from the accounts of the privateer Luukas

the Madd; mentioning’s, notes, and words of caution

regarding the region. Documented in concurrence to

Municipal Code 7b-z.004 - Queens Brow Archival

Bureau, Cartography Division, Office of Geographic

Statistics.

Overview –

BEST KNOWN FOR THE ONLY PASSABLE TERRAIN TO CROSS

THE DIVIDE OF THE PERILOUS GROL-NAC AND NYLETAK

MOUNTAIN RANGES; LIES A 247 LEAGUE HIGHWAY THAT

TWISTS AND TURNS THROUGH WHAT AT SOME POINTS ARE 4

MILE HIGH SHEER CLIFF FACES, AND 2 HORSE WIDE GAPS.

STILL AN INVALUABLE STRATEGIC POINT OF CONTROL;

THE GREATER REGION HAS BECOME RENOWN SINCE THE

DREAD LORD, THE DEMI-LICH RJ’NIMAJNEB~YOR* TOOK

CONTROL OF THE ANCIENT FORTRESS THAT CONTROLS THE

PASS: THE FANG. NOW, FOR THE PAST SEVERAL HUNDRED

YEARS, LITTLE OF THE COLOR SPECTRUM IS SAID TO COME

TO THE REGION. FEW WITH LIFE-FORCE TAKE BREATH

WITHOUT THE PERMISSION OF THE DEMI-LICH; IN THESE

SHEER PEAKS, SYSTEM OF SHATTERED GORGES, AND THE

TWISTED CHASM GRAND ARMIES MARCH AROUND FOR WEEKS

ON END TO AVOID... A REALM OF CERTAIN DOOM.

* REF TO APPENDIX 9

6

Geographic Points of Interest –

The Fang: Originally constructed as an impenetrable

fortress to guard the pass, it was designed to house

the loyal officers to control the original pass from

above and below. Now occupied by the Demi-Lich, the

tower above hangs from the rock formations, while

the over-reaching butte keep lies below.

Once known for their devout beliefs of aid and acts

of bravery, the loyal officers rode wyverns from

dens in fortress above; and tremendous armored

steeds below. Now, hundreds remain in skeletal

unlife; still prepared to ride in command of the

Dread Lord. Over the hundreds of years this

fortress has born home to the unspeakable acts its

un-living tenant has performed; bearing the fortress

itself to transmogrify more so to resemble a massive

fang, bathed in ultraviolet energy... draining life to

fuel the focal point of the Dread Lord.

Forever Peak: The highest peak of the region, this

jutting rock towers far over the rest. For endless

generations in the past, it was sojourn to many

aspiring wizard able to gaze into the aether from it’s

formidable peak. Now adjacent to the rock formations

that form the foundation of The Fang; deep within

was the original fall back point for the loyal

officers garrisoned there. Within, the Peak is said to

house The Zeilgever, a device designed to destroy

the pass by the loyal officers if all was lost... an

unthinkable, scorched earth, last strike, in which

none survive. Hidden from the view of evil, this

rumored device is said to come from the stars

themselves.

The Monitor: 190 leagues above, this massive

clockwork platform station was placed in

geosynchronous orbit by act of ritual magicks and

precise engineering during the construction of The

Fang. Therein, the various lenses and antenna receive

instructions from the complicated enchanted

clockwork systems located in the heart of the

fortress.

7

While once a benign creation meant to alert

travelers in need and where reinforcements may be

needed; it is now a twisted system of scrying and

transport for the Greys, agent spies of the Demi-

Lich.

Markers: The original engineers of the highway

placed these megalithic league markers to assist in

travel. For every 10 leagues, lies a hostel (randomly

determined condition, roll 1d100 to determine %

grade of hospitableness). If the structure is above a

76% grade, it shelters travelers from being noticed

during the night. Hostels between 22 & 75% incur

random encounter table as listed below. Those

hostels rated 21% and worse incur a randomly

determined encounter comprising 3d14 HD total of

undead in the night if utilized. Undead tables may be

created by the judge, or chosen from the table

below.

Organizations and Personalities of Note –

Bellod: Pop 1,457: Formerly the commune village of a

lost order of monks, built into the side of the

chasm wall. Once, the village supplied all the needs

of the loyal officers garrisoned at The Fang. Known

for their skill in the crafting of blades and armor,

their presence was key. Now only the specters,

phantoms and shades of the monks remain; continuing

their trades in un-life in service to the Demi-Lich.

Occasionally, a ghostly armed caravan can be seen

delivering supplies to the thralls and allies of the

Dread Lord.

Caverns of Byek`Gtt: Pop 5,666: Stretching beneath in

incalculable directions is this troglodyte

settlement. The Byek`Gtt claim all they find in their

under-domain, and guard the under-passes from

intruders into the overland. Lead by Gomd the Black,

a ruthless despot bound in contract to the Demi-

Lich. It is said the droning chants can be heard in

all directions, as the witches of the clan

ceaselessly attempt to resurrect the living avatar

of the troglodyte god.

8

Tales of Concern –

When making the completely unadvised journey

through this horrible realm, one may expect to

encounter (Roll 1d7/5 hours of travel, if a “1”, Roll

1d16 on table below):

1. Greys: Agents of the Dread Lord lay in wait,

who have prepared an ambush to observe the

intentions of trespassers; while they stay out

of sight (DC 14 Int to spot) 2d5 hide, and

attack if approached. (Roll 1d4: 1. A doll lays

across a paralytic mine, range 30’ DC 13 Fort

save to resist 2d5 rounds of paralyzation 2. A

leper begs for help, whom explodes in a shower

blood if touched, blinding all in 30’ for 2d5

rounds 3. A shining knight pledges fealty, only

to turn on the party when guard is dropped 4.

Zombified versions of the parents of each

party member shamble forth, attempting to hug

and bite their children)

2. Magnetic Waves: For the next 2d5 leagues, rare

earth deposits make it difficult to pass.

Movement reduced by 5 times if attempting to

possess any metallic items, representing the

time taken to avail. 20% chance per hour in this

zone that a random item is permanently affixed

to chasm wall.

3. Wyverns: Striking out from their pens in The

Fang; 2d3 of the winged beasts patrol

overhead, striking spotted trespassers from

above.

9

4. Lord Olar Dougal: This 7hd champion cavalier

makes his way attempting to assist travelers

who prove worthy; by use of his ring of un-life

and phase armor.

5. Troglodyte patrol: 3d14 heavily armed

troglodytes appear from hidden caves, lead by

a clan lieutenant.

6. Radiation Zone: This 5 league zone is affected

by the monitoring station in orbit. All living

matter must make DC 14 Fort save or take 1d5

Sta damage per day remaining in zone.

7. Loyal Officers: These undead remnants of the

former cavaliers of The Fang arrest the living,

killing those who resist. Mounted upon armored

skeletal steeds, 5d7 of these 5hd skeletons

(Pg. 426 DCCRPG, +5 to all stats) don plate mail

and tattered banners from their former calling.

8. Wights: Un-holy statues rest in dozens of

alcoves along this stretch; the favorite haunt

of 2d7 Wights.

9. Lost: The party lead must make 4 successive,

successful DC 15 Int checks to navigate this seemingly

endless system of twists and turns. Each failure

costs the travelers 2 hours in illogical wrong turns

and perilously perched dead ends.

10. Illusory Oasis: DC 18 Will save to resist being

drawn into an inviting road house; where

illusions rob you of your secrets. Hourly saves

to break illusion, where a mad-house of terror

unwinds upon you.

11. Will-O-Wisps: The path ahead is blocked by 2d7

of these orbs, moving between peaks.

12. Swirling Portal: An ivory-ebon striped,

spiraling portal offers to bring the party to

The Fang to challenge the Demi-Lich. An agent

of opposition, if denied, steps forth to attack:

Qoxoq, Type IV Demon (Pg. 401 DCCRPG)

10

13. Crash site: This partially burning non-

functional metallic craft is filled with 4d5

alien ghouls (Pg. 414 DCCRPG, +1HD & +3 AC due

to alien genome/tech).

14. Ghostly Arms Shipment: Guarded by 4d7 Loyal

Officers, and lead by the phantoms and shades

bearing the pride of Bellod; this caravan

contains weapons and armor intended for The

Bone Crusher Goblins of Gorl-Nac.

15. Eerie silence: A maddening, deafening silence

exists here for 1d5 leagues. For every hour

within this zone, reduce action die by one for

2d3 hours per failure (DC 14 Fort save to resist).

16. Avalanche: reveals burial entrance in chasm

wall containing 1d5 mummies (Pg. 422 DCCRPG).

Leaving burial chamber unsanctified creates a

Stalker of the Doomed (visit

spellburn.com/dungeon-denizens for details and

statistics).

Thrall’s Curse: If a living, sentient being finds its

way out of the pass with their own breath; they take

with them the seeds of a curse. A silent knowing

choice enters the mind of the victim: Submit to will

of the Demi-Lich as an agent abroad, or resist. Those

who submit, change alignment to Chaos; and are

compelled at random choice moments to lead others

back to the pass. Those who resist must succeed in 3

successive challenges in as many days (Day 1 DC13

Will to resist, Day 2 DC14, Day 3 DC15) or

permanently lose a piece of their soul. This lost

piece becomes a new Grey within the pass, the victim

now losing all color; taking 1d3 permanent Stamina

damage. The victim always knows the location of the

Grey, and may quest to destroy it; or have the curse

removed by a Law aligned cleric of 6HD or higher. A

removed curse destroys the Grey copy in the pass.

11

Denizens of Caution –

It is rumored that the Dread Lord of the chasm has

eyes everywhere:

Grey: Init +4; Atk +6 chromatic drain; AC 13; HD 4d7;

MV fly 60’; Act 1d24; SP un-dead traits, immune to non-magical

weapons, mitosis, fade; SV Fort +4, Ref +3, Will +7; AL C.

Agents of the Demi-Lich, these un-living forms

comprise that sliver of a soul each has to give up

to be able to leave the pass un-cursed. Incorporeal,

Greys can pass through solid matter, are unharmed

by non-magical weapons and may fly. While flying,

they must be within 15’ of a solid surface. If the

monitoring station is operational, they may fade to

The Fang by use of an action die. Ever un-living they

are immune to any mental effects, cold damage,

sleep, charm, and paralysis spells.

These grey forms resemble those who have left the

realm, still breathing elsewhere. Chiefly spies, and

zealously subservient, they seek to draw the life-

force from the living if so pressed into combat.

Those unfortunate enough to be subject to it, silver

eyes flash to the face as it seeks to drain the

“color” from its victim (Will save to resist, else

loose 1d3 luck permanently for every 3 points the

saving throw was missed, rounded down: 3d3 luck if

save missed by 10).

Greys who gather 5 luck points may duplicate

themselves by mitosis as a free action, creating a

duplicate Grey at full health. If one is able to

destroy all forms resembling a survivor, that

survivor where they may exist must make a DC14 Fort

save to regain what is lost, else remain color-less

and suffer 1d3 Sta damage.

12

Appendix 9 –

the Dread Lord:

It is said that

within the inner

sanctum of this

unholy place,

Rj’Nimajneb~Yor’s

center of power

exists in its own

space-time,

accessible only

from within The

Fang. There, his

focal point of

controlling this

domain lies

within a platinum

pentagram: A

pillar of skulls

from everyone

who defied him in

the future, past

and present. The

pillar glows an

ultraviolet

light, and the

eyes of every

skull the vision

of potential

tomorrows.

Rj’Nimajneb~Yor, Demilich: Init +7; Atk Claw +8 melee

(1d8+1) and/or Nawa-ta, Soul Phylactery Medallion +12

Ranged and/or Wand of a Thousand Punishments +12

Ranged Special and/or SP; AC 15; HD 12d10; hp 108; MV

35; Act 2d24, 1d16; SP un-dead traits, spells,

animate/command un-dead, dimensional portal,

ethereal visage, control familiar; SV Fort +6, Ref +7,

Will +8; AL C.

13

Special Abilities -

Spells: Rj’Nimajneb~Yor’s repertoire of spells is

renown. The Judge can select any spell known to

exist for your encounter to a count of 21 unique

spells memorized by the Demilich that day. His spell

check is +12, and CL is 10 for purposes of

counterspell, etc. Consider him to have a pool of 35

points Spellburn, for every 5 points used, reduce his

Fort & Ref saves by 1 each.

Animate, Command Un-dead: Rj’Nimajneb~Yor can create,

command, and enslave un-dead beings at a range of

500’. With the use of his focal point, this power can

be extended elsewhere indirectly. Living creatures

that die within this range can be animated and

turned into an un-dead creature depending on its

hit dice. Creatures created may be temporary or

permanent contingent on the results. Creatures or

Sentient un-dead can be controlled, or potentially

permanently dominated. Use the turn un-dead table

and invert the results to determine the permanence

of the creation, command, or control of sentient

un-dead creatures with an action die of 1d24+12.

Dimensional Portal: Plane-walking in his mortal

living days has extended to new doors, as

Rj’Nimajneb~Yor can create a portal and step

through it to a random location within 200’. The

random location is determined on an X, Y, Z

coordinate dependent on the closest open location

with a solid floor, using 2 sets of percentile dice

per coordinate from a constant to determine

location. A DC15 on a 1d24+12 action die check can

permit him to create the portal anywhere he knows

within that distance. Fumble causes the ability to

be lost for the day, requiring 3 points Spellburn

to use again post-fumble. This ability acts as both

a Spellcasting action, and a movement action.

14

Ethereal Visage: With one action or as a reaction

when his physical form is close to death; the

Demilich may transmute himself into an Ethereal Form

for 15 rounds. While in this form, he can only be

harmed by spell damaging effects, and restrained by

clearly typed constraints effecting incorporeal

beings. While in this form, he may cast spells but at

only on a 1d16+8 action die; and cannot use objects

such as his wand. He has a fly 40’ move, can pass

through any solid and is only blocked by lead and

silver substances. This is a DC 15 ability, action die

1d24+12. For every 5 points above 15 cleared, this

ability lasts another 15 rounds (e.g. 26 Spell check

= 45 rounds). If attacked with Law based holy water

in this form, a DC20 will save is required or he

reverts to physical form.

Control Familiar: In addition to normal familiar

abilities listed per the typed spell; On a free

action, the Demilich may psychically control Rekyr

the Nahtanoj. He can control him, and utilize his

senses within 5 miles; or anywhere through his focal

point as long as he remains within the pentagram.

Nawa-ta, Soul Phylactery Medallion: Devoting two DC

15 spellchecks in one round, Rj’Nimajneb~Yor may

attempt to snatch the soul away from a sentient

being, storing it within his soul phylactery

medallion: Nawa-Ta. The effect takes place the next

round, or on the 3rd action die if available. Within

70’, a cone of thick white smoke fires from the

center of the medallion at the intended target. The

thick smoke makes limited visibility only possible to

adjacent targets within the cone effect. The target

must make two successive will saves, one at DC 12,

then one at DC 15. If you fail the first or both, you

have lost your soul. The victim’s body fails to wish

to live after 1d4 rounds unless released from Nawa-

ta. If a sentient being dies within the presence of

him, he may only need one action to attempt to

snatch the soul, requiring a DC15 spellcheck. With

each soul the medallion stores, he gains +2 to his

spellcheck, and a magical bonus to his armor class.

15

If he happens to capture the soul of a wizard, this

bonus is doubled. With a DC13 spellcheck, he can

consume all the souls in his medallion and heal to

full health.

Wand of a Thousand Punishments: This wand, crafted

by Rj’Nimajneb~Yor himself was created from the

spine of the offspring of a daemon and a unicorn –

an experiment that was disastrous, and successful in

its own right. Use of the wand requires a successful

classic intelligence check of a 5th level or higher

Wizard, or DC15 Thief “Use Scroll” to activate each

round. Failure to activate the wand renders it

inoperable for 1d9 days, and a critical fumble

destroys the wand – causing a phlogiston disturbance

(caster is forced to cast a spell vs. a spell on

chart below, Judge rolls for wand’s Spell

check+CL7+5) then explodes for 5d7 points of damage

creating a rip in space time. The wand itself has a

Spell check of 19, plus the Caster’s Level, and Int

Bonus. If the bearer has a 15 or higher Intelligence,

he can choose the spell below, otherwise roll 1d5

per use:

1. Flaming Hands

2. Magic Missile

3. Scorching Ray

4. Fireball

5. Lightning Bolt

A critical success in activating the wand bestows

un-dead henchmen permanently loyal to the bearer in

addition to the Spellcasting, Roll 1d3:

1. 1d7 Juju Zombies

2. 1d5 Ghast

3. 1d3 Wights

The un-dead are either created from nearby remains,

or are the closest convenient creature teleported

to the bearers location. They appear and act the

next round, surrounding the caster if possible, with

elite morale.

16

While the bearer has the wand in his possession, the

un-dead can be psychically commanded as a free

action. If the wand is held by another, or is more

than 5’ away from the bearer for more than 2 rounds,

roll 1d100:

1-20 The un-dead suddenly vanish, leaving

behind permanently burned shadows from

where they stood.

21-25 The un-dead are destroyed in an

explosion of positive energy. Adjacent

targets take 3d6 damage: Law characters

no damage, Neutral Half, Chaos Full; DC15

Will for half, post alignment determination.

26-37 The un-dead explode, causing 2d6 damage

to all adjacent targets. DC10 Sta check

for half.

38-40 The un-dead implode, pulling anyone

adjacent to each creature into the 9

hells. DC15 Agi check or be pulled in.

41-58 The un-dead remain, unloyal to anyone,

acting next round per Judge’s determination.

58-69 The un-dead remain, loyal to the original

bearer of the wand at time of bestowment.

70-73 The un-dead remain, loyal to whoever

bears the wand.

74-80 The un-dead remain, turned to stone.

Bearer gains corruption; roll 1d3: 1.

Minor, 2. Major, 3. Greater.

81-84 Arrival. The un-dead remain, and an angel

arrives and starts to fight the

creatures. Party must choose sides. If

the angel wins, it bestows the party

boons per Judge’s discretion. If the un-

dead win, they become loyal to the

original bearer of the wand and those

17

present at the time of bestowment. A

Wraith appears, pledging fealty to the

champion of the un-dead.

85-90 Contest. A demon arrives and offers the

bearer 50 smoldering gold coins per

remaining un-dead. The demon is true to

his word and pays if accepted, if denied

he fights the bearer and allies for the

un-dead disappearing before the final

death blow if defeated, cursing the

party. The bearer and allies make a

mortal enemy.

91-98 If the original bearer of the wand

bestowed un-dead is still of mortal life,

he must make a DC 15 Will save or be

transmogrified into a Wraith. All objects

at time of fail turn into ethereal

variants and are subject to those

effects per Judge’s discretion.

99-100 Special, The Judge’s discretion on the event.

In the end days of the now Demilich’s research for

eternal unlife, he followed some of the research set

out in one of Sezrekan’s laboratories, deep in the

Dark Jungle of Hajzot. There as fate would have it,

he crossed paths with the king of the realm, the lion

of lions: Rekyr the Nahtanoj. On the day of his birth

of his 666th year, the king of the dark jungle may

feel it was contested who sought out whom. However,

on that day, the pair were bonded by familiar

magicks sealing the bond the lion quested for,

bonding them to his eternal master: Rj’Nimajneb~Yor.

The lion will fight to the death to defend his

master, and uses cunning and guile to defend him

using guerilla tactics if possible.

Rekyr the Nahtanoj, Corrupted Lion Familiar: Init +7;

Atk Bite +8 melee (2d5+2) and/or Claw +8 melee

(1d8+2) and/or SP; AC; HD 6d8; hp 42; MV 60; Act 2d20;

SP edritch roar, countenance of the dark jungle; SV

Fort +7, Ref +9, Will +6; AL C.

18

Special Abilities -

Eldritch Roar: This menacing, deafening roar that

discombobulates the senses in the presence of this

mighty lion. All non-allies within 100’ radius DC 15

Fort save or be subject to the intense blast of

sound. Failure results in -4 to all rolls, causing

deafness for 1d4 hours.

Countenance of the Dark Jungle: Meeting the gaze of

the dark king has always been a legend well heeded.

If Rekyr the Nahtanoj is able to lock eyes with an

opponent within 40’, he can attempt psychic

domination. The opponent must make a DC 13 Will save

or become dominated, unable to act, frozen in fear.

For every point that the victim misses his check, is

how many rounds this domination remains in effect. If

missed by more than 5 points, he can command you to

do a simple action (drop your weapon, lie down, etc).

THANKS TO

KEVIN WOJCIECHOWSKI

DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF

ERICK WUJCIK

1951 - 2008

19

Chirumancy

By James MacGeorge

Sometimes, the Gods cannot save you.

Even Clerics, despite their best efforts, cannot always

put back what man has torn asunder. Even the best of

men can be left bleeding and dying, crying for someone

to save them. It is times like these when those who

don’t know better call upon the dark art of Chirumancy.

Damned souls all, Chirurgeons can be found haunting the

back alleys of fallen cities and tumbledown shacks in

cursed woods, offering their services for a pittance.

Their services come cheap because each patient

represents an opportunity for them to expand their

weird knowledge of life, and push the boundaries of

both the possible and ethical. Masters of the arts of

dark surgery and carcinogen injection, limb

transplants, and skinshaping, they'll put an adventurer

back together, but the cost often goes beyond the coin.

20

Their methods are terrifying - wounds sealed with

carcinomas, lost limbs replaced with the spare parts

from corpses, with no guarantee that the donor was

willing, or even human. Their patients will be healed,

but over time, they become unrecognizable.

Many realize too late that the Chirurgeon’s cure can

prove just as fatal as the wounds they heal.

When visiting a Chirurgeon, the patient will be healed

1d6 hit points for every level they possess (1d4 for

zero level characters). However, they also roll 1d3

per hit point healed on the following chart, with a +1

for every time they have previously used a Chirurgeon's

services. If the result of this second roll is equal

to or greater than double the first roll, add another

d3 to the total.

1 Chronic incontinence - in any stressful

situation, such as combat, there is a 1 in 10

chance that the character will lose control of

their bladder.

2 Persistent Cough, -1 Stamina for 1d3 weeks.

3 Persistent hoarseness, -1 to any check involving

social interaction for 1d2 weeks.

4 Fever, -1 Strength and Stamina for 1d4 days.

21

5 Jaundice, -1 to to any check involving social

interaction and -1 to Stamina for 1d3 weeks.

6 Fatigue, -2 Stamina for 2d4 days.

7 Chronic headaches -2 to Intelligence for 1d6 hours.

8 Easy bruising - the blood vessels have been damaged.

Take an extra 1d3 points of damage from blunt attacks.

9 Tooth loss - every time the character rests,

there is a 1 in 10 chance they will lose a tooth.

After 6 teeth are lost, there is a cumulative -1

penalty to social interaction checks for each

additional tooth lost.

10 Bleeding Gums - character's gums bleed

constantly, causing automatic failure of any

social interaction checks.

11 Bleeding sores - sores last for 1d4 days, and

reduce hit points by 1.

12 Cyst Outbreak - numerous cysts form, causing

permanent 1d6 loss of Personality.

13 Periodic Blindness - Any critical failure has the

added effect of blindness for 1d6 turns.

14 Vomiting Blood - Any critical failure has the added effect

of vomiting blood, loss of 1d4 Stamina for 1d6 turns.

15 Brittle Bones - any attack that hits for maximum

damage breaks a bone, causing loss of 1d4 points

of Strength and Agility.

16 Hemiparesis - In stressful situations, such as combat,

there is a 1 in 10 chance that one half of the body becomes

paralyzed - 1/2 Agility for 1d4 rounds (rounded down).

22

17 Ataxia - In stressful situations, such as combat,

there is a 1 in 10 chance that balance is severely

disrupted along with severe incoordination – 1/4

Agility for 1d4 rounds (rounded down).

18 Dementia - in any situation where a character is

required to remember something, there is a

cumulative 1 in 100 chance that the character

will not be able to recall the information.

19 Seizures - A roll of Natural 2 on any skill or

attribute roll results in seizures - immobilized

for 1d2 turns.

20 Macrocephaly - head swells with fluid -1 Agility,

Intelligence and social interaction checks.

21 Squamous cell carcinoma - skin becomes red, scaly

and inflexible: -1 Agility, -3 to social

interaction checks.

22 Bone tumor - lose 1d3 points per month from

Strength, see Tumor Chart below.

23 Lung Tumor - lose 1d3 points per month from

Stamina, see Tumor Chart below.

24 Brain Tumor - lose 1d3 points per month from each

attribute, see Tumor Chart below.

25 Tumor Outbreak - 1d3 tumors, see Tumor Chart below.

26 Roll 1d4 on random body part chart.




23

30+ Roll 2d6 on random body part chart, major

infection - 1/2 Strength and Stamina permanently.

Random Body Part Replacement Chart:

1 Human Arm.

2 Human Leg.

3 Human Arm, wrong side (2nd left arm, etc) -1

Agility.

4 Dwarven Arm - +1 Strength, -1 Agility (if

character is a dwarf, it is replaced with a human

arm -1 Strength).

5 Dwarven Leg -2 Agility (if the character is a

human, it is replaced with a human leg - same

result).

6 Lizardman Arm -1 Personality, +1 Agility.

7 Lizardman Leg -1 Agility, + 1 Strength.

8 Insectoid Limb - roll 1d4, that limb is replaced,

+ 1 Agility, -4 Personality.

9 Antennae replace eyes -4 Personality, + 1 Agility

10 Tail, -2 Agility for 1d6 weeks, then +1 Agility

thereafter.

11 Transplant rejection - 1 randomly determined limb

is gone, permanently.

24

12 Brain transplant, character is now 1 Human 2. Elf

3 Dwarf 4 Lizardman 5 Insectoid 6 Brain Damage -

reroll, Intelligence reduced by half. Reroll all

stats except Intelligence using 3d5 instead of

3d6. Other than that, this change is cosmetic in

nature, and does not affect any racial attributes

the character possessed before the transplant.

Tumor Chart - for each tumor received, there is a

cumulative chance of death, resolved once per

game session. Roll for each tumor upon discovery

to determine its size:

1 T1 - 1% chance of death per session;




At the end of each session, total up the percentages

for all tumors, and roll percentile dice to see

if the tumor is ultimately fatal.

The Crawling Castle of Grumblethorn

and Other Architectural Horrors

By Tim Callahan

Perhaps the manor house is under attack by deranged

beasts, or maybe the tower is haunted by the ghosts of

extradimensional wizards, or the dungeon – surely the

dungeon – is riddled with speaking bones and troubled

oozes. But when you’re pulling together your Dungeon

Crawl Classics campaign or improvising your one-shot,

sometimes you need more than those traditional

locations to terrorize the PCs. Sometimes you need a

Crawling Castle of Grumblethorn. Or a Defiling Dome of

Blacksmere. Or a Weeping Hut of Hexageddon. As you see

fit.

Judges who throw caution (and funky dice) to the wind

will want to roll randomly for each column of Table

TCCoG-AH to discover what unique architectural horror

emerges from the landscape just over the next ridge.

Other Judges may want to craft their own structures out

of the options below. Depending on how evocative the

result, additional development may or may not be

needed. Some Judges will, of course, want to map

everything out. Others may want to let the structure

emerge more organically from play. Whatever the result,

you may warn your players: this ain’t the borderlands,

and that’s no humble keep. They won’t heed your

warnings anyway.

What’s

another

Unusual

Thing

about

It?

ThethirdroomthePCsenter

iscoveredwithmagical

writings,allacrossthe

walls,floor,andceiling.If

readmagiciscast,the

spellcastercanusethe

writingsintheroomasifit

wereascrollwith1d3random

level1wizardspells,1d3

randomlevel2wizardspells,

and1randomlevel3wizard

spell.Thespellscanonlybe

castfrominsidetheroom.Any

attempttocopythespells

intoaspellbook(orthe

equivalent)willresultinthe

spellbeingcastagainstthe

scribingspellcasterinany

waytheJudgedeems

appropriate,withtheJudge

rollingasifwitha+8spell

check.

What’s

one

Unusual

Thing

about

It?

Occasionallythisstructure

transforms,themaindoorwayturns

intoamouth,itsfront-facing

windowsturnintoeyes,andthe

structuretransformsintoamassive

giantcoveredwitharchitectural

detailandthirstsforthebloodof

wizards.Itsmellsthemfrommiles

awayandstridestowardthelargest

spellcastingcontingentinthe

area.Duetothemagicalgyroscopic

natureofitsinterior,noone

insideanyofitsroomscanfeel

themovementofthestructure.Note

thatthereisa20%chancethe

structurewilltransforminthis

waybeforethePCsapproach,anda

50%chanceifthePCsareinside.

Increasethisnumberby10%for

eachwizardorcleric(or

equivalentspellcaster)inthe

party.

Where?

of

Grumblethorn

What?

Castle

What?

Crawling

Table

TCCoG-AH

Roll

1d7

on

each

column

1

What’s

another

Unusual

Thing

about

It?

Onthewalloppositethe

entryway,alargeovalframe

hangs,coveredbyaratty

blanket.Iftheblanketis

removed,abloodshoteyeball

beginstoprotrudefromthe

ovalframe,andanyonelooking

towarditmustmakeaDC16

Willsaveorbecomeaffected

inoneofthefollowingways

(determinedrandomlyviaad4

rollforeachvictim):(1)

paralyzedfor2d8turns,(2)

permanentlyturnedintoan

ivorystatue,(3)permanently

shrunkto50%ofnormalsize

(allequipmentincluded),and

allphysicalattributes

reducedbyhalf–roundeddown

–aswell,(4)rainbow-hued

bat-wingsemergefromthe

character’sback,offeringno

flyingabilitybutpermanently

increasingWillsavesby+2

andpermanentlydecreasingAC

by-2.

What’s

one

Unusual

Thing

about

It?

Theancientmagicksthatcraftedthis

structureimbueditwithademonicdefense

system,withsigilsinthewallsthatactas

demonspawningportals.Each

roomentered

hasa25%chanceofcontainingoneofthese

portals,regardlessofwhateverelseisin

theroom.Ifaportalispresent,2d5

glimmeringspiderdemons(thatappear

encrustedwithgemstones)emergeatthe

startofeveryturnthatalivingpresence

isdetectedintheroom.

Gemstone

Spider

Demon:

Init

+2;Atkbite+2

(1d5plusspecial)orwebspinning+1

(special);AC13;HD3d8;MV

30’;Actd20;

SPbiteattackdrainsanadditional1d5HP

and1d5Strengthpointsfrom

victimunlessa

DC10Fortsaveismade,webspinningattack

turnsthevictimintoamarionetteunderthe

controlofthedemonunlessaWillsavevs.

theattackrollismade;SVFort+4,Ref+1,

Will-1;ALL.Note:the“gemstones”ofthe

spiderdemonskinturntodustiftheyare

takenoutofthestructure,andthespider

demonsdieinstantlyiftransportedoutside

ofthestructure.

Where?

of

Slitherstone

What?

Keep

What?

Growing

Table

TCCoG-AH

(con’t)

Roll

1d7

on

each

column

2

What’s

another

Unusual

Thing

about

It?

Thefirsttimeacharactertouchesan

interiorwall(whilesearchingfor

secretdoors,ortraps,orotherwise)

aloosestoneblockorwoodpanel

fallsaway,revealinga2’tallred-

and-orange-stripedcoralimp,curled

intoafetalposition.Theimpis

extremelylazyandnarcissisticbut

willbecometheloyalguardian

familiarofanyPCwhoshowsany

kindnesstowardsit.Itwillattack

anyPCorcreaturewhoattemptsto

harmit,oritsmaster.

Coral

Imp:

Init+2(orasmaster);

Atkclaws+1(1d6);AC12;HD2d6;HP

11;MV40’;Actd20;SVFort-1,Ref

+2,Will-1;ALC.Note:any“master”

itadoptsgains11HPwhenitbecomes

afamiliar,butiftheimpdies,the

masterloses22HP.

What’s

one

Unusual

Thing

about

It?

WhenthefirstPCinaparty

makescontactwiththe

exteriorofthestructureor

entersthroughanyopen

portal,thesentient

structureimmediately

contactsthatPC–andonly

thatPC–toaskfor

assistance.Thestructure

feastsonnecroticenergy

andifadozenundeadare

“fed”intoitsopendoor,

thePCwillberewardedwith

aboonwithacost:whenever

thePCtouchesamagical

item,itwilldoublein

power,buttheitemcan

neverleavethePCshand

againunlessthemagicin

theitemisdispelled.

Where?

of

Hexageddon

What?

Tower

What?

Defiling

Table

TCCoG-AH

(con’t)

Roll

1d7

on

each

column

3

What’s

another

Unusual

Thing

about

It?

Vinesdottedwithblue-green

barbedleavescovertheinterior

wallsofthisstructure.Some

roomsneartheentrancesand

exits

appearovergrown,whilethevine

densityislessintenseinrooms

deeperinsidethestructure.

The

vinesareillusory,remnants

of

enchantmentsthatactasakindof

nervoussystemforthisstructure.

Incidentalcontactwiththevines

willyieldnoeffect,butif

any

characterintentionallyinteracts

withthevinesbytouch(evenif

wearinggloves)thecharacterwill

take1d8damageandgainaGreater

Corruption:Roll1d10onthe

GreaterCorruptionTableonpage

119oftheDCC

Core

Rulebook.In

addition,thecontactwithits

enchantednervoussystemwill

causethestructuretoshake

violently,andanyonestanding

mustmakeaDC10Reflexsaveto

avoidfallingtotheground.

What’s

one

Unusual

Thing

about

It?

ThisstructureisaconstructofAzi

Dahaka,mimickingthedivine

being’s

presenceonthematerialplane.In

additiontowhateverfeaturesthe

structurehas,thepowerofAziDahaka

manifestsinthisway:ineachroomthe

PCsenter,thestructureattacksthe

PCswiththenextsuccessive

invoke

patronresultfromtheAziDahaka

listingonpage330oftheDCC

Core

Rulebook.Thus,thefirstroomthat’s

enteredwouldattackthePCs

withthe

12-13result,andthenextroomwould

attackwiththe14-17result,etc.The

“caster”isthestructureitself,and

theJudgemakesalldecisionsabout

targets,etc.Thestructure’s

motivationistorepelintruders,and

ifanycharacterssurvivepastthe32+

roomresultontheinvokepatrontable,

thePCwiththehighestcombined

Intelligence+currentHitPointsgains

PatronBond(andInvokePatron)with

AziDahaka,evenifthePCisnota

spellcaster.

Where?

of

Crystalgrim

What?

Hut

What?

Tunneling

Table

TCCoG-AH

(con’t)

Roll

1d7

on

each

column

4

What’s

another

Unusual

Thing

about

It?

Insidethe“belly”ofthestructure

hangsarustedmetalcage.Insidethe

cagerestsaunicorn.Abeautiful

whiteunicornwithasparklinggolden

horn.Thetearsoftheunicorndrip

liketinyrainbowsontothecoldstone

floorbelowitscage.Ifsetfree(DC

20lockpickingcheckor12ormore

damagetothelockwithasingle

blow),theunicornwillattackthe

characterwhofreeditwithunyielding

ferocity.Thenitwillattempttoflee

toreturntoitsbelovedqueenand

attackanyonethatstandsinitsway.

Savage

Unicorn:

Init+5;Atkhorn+5

(2d12pluscurseoflostlove);AC14;

HD6d8;HP32;MV60’;Actd20;SP

CurseofLostLove–page438inthe

DCC

Core

Rulebook

–impartsany

survivingvictimofahornattackwith

acompulsiontoreturntheunicorn,

livingordead,tothequeenofthe

adjacentkingdom;SVFort+4,Ref

+3,Will+3;ALC.

What’s

one

Unusual

Thing

about

It?

Thisstructurewasbuiltwith

corrupteddivinemagic,andthe

soulsofgreatwarriorsofthe

pastenchantthebeamsand

stonesthatholdupthewalls.

Thesoulscannotcommunicate,

butanywarriorordwarf(or

fighting-typeclass)willfeel

immediatelyenergizedasthey

walkinside.Theyimmediately

gainoneadditionallevel

(increasetheirXPtothe

minimumtoreachthenext

level),butatacost.Forevery

turntheyspendinsidethe

structure,theymustmakeaWill

savevs.DC10orlose1d16HP.

Iftheyreach0HPwithinthis

structure,thereisnochance

formagicalhealingorrolling

thebodyafterthat.Instead,

theirsoulsmergewiththoseof

thegreatwarriorsofthepast,

trappedintheseverywalls.

Where?

of

Penitence

What?

Pyramid

What?

Hovering

Table

TCCoG-AH

(con’t)

Roll

1d7

on

each

column

5

What’s

another

Unusual

Thing

about

It?

Eachroomofthestructureseems

toactasaconduittothespirit

realm,wherepreviouslyslain

enemiesofthePCscan

communicate,one-per-room.This

manifestsasstatementsthatecho

throughtheroom–statements

thatrevealinformationtheslain

enemiesmayhavehadthatthePCs

didnotorperhapsstatementsof

howtheenemiesmettheirdemise.

Thespiritchannelisone-way

only,withthePCsabletohear

theramblingsoftheirenemies,

buttheycannotaskquestions

thatwillbeanswered,exceptby

coincidence.Forthefirst

statementthatthePCshearina

room,aDC5Willsaveis

requiredorthePCtake1d6

psychicdamage.

What’s

one

Unusual

Thing

about

It?

Thereareonlythreeexterior

doorsonthisstructure.Three

entrances.WhenanyPCor

creatureentersthroughoneof

thedoors,heimmediately

teleportsoutoftheexterior

doortohisleft.Theonlywayto

enterthestructureisfortwo

livingthingstoenteratleast

twodoorssimultaneously.The

teleportingenchantmentwill

continuetoworkasnormal,and

mayonlybebypassedbytwoor

moreentrancesactivating

simultaneously.Theeffectalso

workswhenattemptingtoleave

thestructure,teleportingany

charactersbackinsidethe

entrancetohisleftunlesstwo

ormoreexitsareactivated

simultaneously.

Where?

of

Tomesworthy

What?

Barracks

What?

Weeping

Table

TCCoG-AH

(con’t)

Roll

1d7

on

each

column

6

What’s

another

Unusual

Thing

about

It?

Thematerialsofthis

structureflakeawaylike

chunksoffist-sizeddandruff

–itmaybebitsofwood,or

brick,orstoneorwhatever

seemsappropriateforits

construction–andanyonewho

takesabiteofoneofthe

chunksgains1d8additionalHP

fortherestoftheday.A

secondbiteofoneofthe

chunksthatdaycauses

terriblevomitingwithoutany

HPgainandunlessaDC15

Fortsaveismade,the

characterloses2d10HP.

What’s

one

Unusual

Thing

about

It?

Inthecenteroftheinteriorof

thestructure,inwhateverthe

Judgedeemsthe“heart”ofthe

construction,amosaicdecorates

thefloor.Themosaicdepictsan

enormousgaping,sharp-toothed

mouth.Anycharacterstandingin

thecenterofthemosaiccan

mentallytransformtheshapeof

theexteriorstructureintoany

formhewishesbymakingaDC10

Willsave.FailureontheWill

saveresultsinthecharacter

gaining1d4MinorCorruption

effectsandpermanentlylosing1d6

Staminapoints.

Where?

of

Blacksmere

What?

Dome

What?

Screaming

Table

TCCoG-AH

(con’t)

Roll

1d7

on

each

column

7

The Grove

By Gabriel Meister and Jonathan Perkel

The dim light up ahead barely filters through the thick

forest growth, but it’s better than nothing, so you

hack away at the last of the stubborn branches and

choking vines. You emerge into a roughly circular

clearing, wiping the sweat and grime from your face,

and you think to yourself: can this be real?

34

The clearing is approximately 100 feet in diameter,

felted with manicured grass. At its center is a small

cluster of what appear to be fruit-bearing trees.

Sunlight beams down and birds chirp softly as a gentle

breeze rustles through the clearing. This seems

strange, as you could have sworn it was pissing rain

just a moment ago. Suddenly, you feel very, very

hungry, and you walk toward…The Grove.

Care for a piece of strange fruit? (Roll 1d24)

Roll Result

1 Snake-eyes. This tree bears firm, cuboidal,

ivory-colored fruit, with one black dot in the

center of each side. There are 3d6 fruit on

any given tree. When picked, the picker

painfully loses one point of Strength,

Agility, Stamina, Personality, or Intelligence

(roll 1d5 to determine). If the picker eats

the fruit, he falls into a deep slumber for

1d5 turns and regains the lost point upon

awakening. If someone else eats the picked

fruit, he (instead of the picker) gains the

point that the picker lost. No more than 3

total ability score points can be gained (or

regained) by any individual, regardless of the

number of fruits picked or eaten.

2 Acmefruit. A spherical, jet black fruit about

the size of a volleyball, with a long white

stem. Each fruit has runes on its side that

dimly glow “TNT” in white letters. When dried,

the stem can be lit and the fruit tossed at a target,

causing damage equal to that of a fireball (3d6). If

the lit fruit isn’t tossed within 1 round...

3 Metsus. Mirrored spherical “seeds,” roughly 1

inch in diameter, with a fragile shell. Each

sphere is filled with a sticky, powdery pollen

that clings to flesh and causes 1 hit point of

damage per round until washed off with water.

Useful as projectile weapons if kept intact.

35

4 Durians. A spiky, incredibly tough outer

shell protects a creamy flesh that tastes as

close to putrescent human flesh as imaginable.

Ah, durians… revolting, but harmless.

5 Tastyfruit. The fruit on each of these trees

is different: a peach here, a plum there, a

pomegranate, an orange, a pineapple, a kiwi,

etc. Every fruit tastes twice as good as the

last one consumed. Each piece restores 1d3 hit

points, up to a maximum of 5 restored hit

points. Any roll that would restore 6 or more

cumulative hit points causes a debilitating

bout of diarrhea that lasts for 1d6 turns.

6 Stickyplums. Round, indigo-colored fruit that

fits nicely in the palm of the picker’s hand…

and does not come off. At least, not without a

successful DC 15 Strength check (although now

it’s probably stuck to the other hand, or the

hand of a would-be rescuer). While the fruit

is in hand, the picker cannot do anything else

with said hand.

7 Fortunefruit. Each fruit resembles a flat,

folded beige seed pouch that can be cracked

open by hand. Inside is a tiny folded

parchment with a prescient message for the

character on the front and a string of two-

digit numbers on the back. The message on the

front has a 50% chance of accurately

predicting something important that will

happen to the character within the next 24

hours.

8 Cherries. Ruby red, juicy, delicious. Why are

they here? Who cares?

9 Ropefruit. Yellow, spherical fruit that, upon

close inspection, appears to be a tightly-

wound ball of thick, golden thread. Once

picked, the fruit can be unraveled by its stem

into a slender 50’ cord with twice the tensile

strength of normal rope.

36

10 Dragonfruit. With its funky skin of prickly

vermillion dragon scales, this mildly sweet

fruit bears a creamy pulp peppered with

crunchy, sesame-sized black seeds and with a

strong cinnamon aftertaste. Tasting the flesh

enables the picker to breathe flame at an

opponent as if casting Scorching Ray with a

spell check of 16. If the picker does not

breathe flame within 1d3 rounds after tasting this

fruit, the flame manifests internally (and gouts

from all upper orifices) for 1d8 damage.

11 Critterberries. Small, lumpy, brownish-green

berries with fur reminiscent of kiwifruit.

Each one feels a little bit squirmy. Trying to

bite into one causes it to transform (with an

audible “pop!”) into one of five miniscule

mammals. Roll 1d5: 1, pygmy possum; 2, shrew

mole; 3, tiny jerboa; 4, Etruscan shrew; 5,

bumblebee bat. They make great pets (or rations).

12 Grapefruit. Just regular ol’ ruby red grapefruit.

13 Chameleonges. These fruit are the same size,

weight, texture, and flavor as ordinary juice

oranges, but each one is a different color

than all the others, seeds, skin, and all.

Consuming a chameleonge changes the color of

certain body parts to the fruit’s color for

1d4 days. Roll 1d12: 1-2, hair, fingernails,

and toenails; 3, irises; 4-5, hands and feet;

6-8, face, neck, and scalp; 9-10, genitals;

11-12, buttocks. Where face, neck, and scalp,

genitals, or buttocks are affected, the char-

acter loses 1 point of Personality but gains 1

point of Luck for the duration of the change.

14 Edisons. Tough, transparent, nearly colorless

globes with black squiggles threaded

throughout. Inedible; biting into one is like

munching on a beholder’s eyeball. When

darkness falls, each fruit glows with a

ghostly, white light that illuminates

37

everything faintly within a 5’ radius. The

effect lasts until the fruit begins to spoil,

about 2 or 3 days.

15 Burnies. Elongated, fleshy fruit with a tough

purple rind similar to miniature eggplants.

Sweet but intolerably spicy, reminiscent of

the hottest ghost pepper. Good in very small

doses for seasoning stew, or dried and ground

into powder. Otherwise innocuous.

16 Raspberries. The only strange thing about

these raspberries is that they are the size of

apples.

17 Galarums. Red, bell-shaped fruit with white

streaks. Touching a single fruit causes it to

ring like a dinner bell. Touching two of them

induces a clamorous chain reaction: they both

ring, then another, and another, until every

fruit on the tree is clanging cacophonously.

Each character in the Grove must make a DC 12

Fort save or suffer disorientation and severe

tinnitus (ringing in the ears), and lose 1

point of Agility, for 1d8 turns. This noise

may also attract unwanted attention...

18 Tomatoes. Ripe and tasty. (For the record,

tomatoes are a fruit.)

19 Pusberries. Small clusters of cherry-sized

yellow berries, firm to the touch, that smell

as sweet as spun sugar but taste like a soiled

bandage from inside a costermonger’s boot.

After one bite, the picker is unable to

consume or even smell food for 24 hours

without vomiting (consequent risk of

dehydration), and is no longer a big fan of

fruit in general.

20 Pears. Just regular pears.

38

21 Fruitloops. Firm, doughnut-shaped fruit with

waxy blue skin and flesh the texture and color

of bananas. Incredibly nourishing and

restorative; however, there is absolutely no

way to leave the Grove with this fruit. Any of

it. Including if it’s still in the character’s

digestive tract.

22 Cronenberries. Each branch of these trees is

covered with tough thorns and ends in peach-

colored globules, hanging loosely. The

globules smell like recently soured milk.

Tugging one causes the tree to rustle and

sigh. Trying to pluck one elicits a piercing

shriek, as the tree swats at the character

with two enormous thorny branches for 1d4

damage. The “fruit” cannot be removed from the

tree without a fight.

23 Fapples. The fruit of this tree has the

appearance of delicious, ripe, red apples.

Upon closer examination, the “fruit” is made

of the same tough bark that covers the tree’s

trunk, with deceptively misleading

pigmentation. Inedible.

24 Necktarings. Looks and tastes like

nectarines, but when one of these fruits is

picked, somewhere, somehow, someone’s neck is

broken. This fact remains unknown to the

picker until later that night, when the

gruesome image of each death he caused haunts

him vividly in his dreams.

39

Killtackleball

DCC Rules for Pell-Mell Teamball Sports

By Marc Bruner

Each year on the high desert plains of Urearth, the

Centaurs pause in their ever-war with the savage

Vulturemen and meet at the sacred oasis to sing of

their victories, mourn their lost companions, and clash

in the ancient game of “Bolo”. This is the origin of

Killtackleball, a sport of prowess, determination, and

luck, often with dangerous results.

40

Overview

Killtackleball is a bruising game of physical mayhem

played between two teams that usually ends with drunken

song and bitter toasts made over the corpses of slain

friends. The rules are simple: two sides face off on a

wide, flat pitch - typically composed of grass, rocks,

trees, creeks, or giant mushroom forests - and attempt

to move the ball to the opposite end of the field and

score. Score is kept by whatever method is agreed upon,

but is abstracted in these rules and represented by the

current momentum die controlled by each team. The

momentum die is a new tool inspired by the core

rulebook spellduel rules using the dice chain to track

the relative strength of each team, and ultimately

deciding the winner.

The match is played in a series of turns, the start of

each turn being marked by a scrum for initial control

of the ball. During play, opposing teams use whatever

they can to carry, kick, or punch the ball across their

opponent's goal line, thereby winning the turn and

resetting the field. Play continues until one team has

dominated the game and claims victory!

Rules of Play

Play starts with the ball placed in the middle of

the pitch with opposing teams lined up on either

side. The ball can be any agreed upon generally

easily carried object. Traditional balls include:

inflated animal bladders, coconut husks, and the

dried and cured head of a Vultureman - beak optional.

Teams can be composed of any number of players,

evenly matched or otherwise, and they can use any

part of their bodies to move the ball. Weapons

are not allowed; however, each team rolls on the

random equipment table to see what gear they

managed to scrounge up after a night of

preparatory carousing.

41

Each team is given a momentum die to determine

possession after the scrum. The default starting

die is a d20.

At the start of the scrum, each team rolls the

momentum die and compares the results on the

scrum table. It is the Judge’s discretion on who

makes the rolls for the team. The roll is for

initial possession only, after the scrum, the

ball will likely change hands multiple times

during the course of the turn!

Play during the turn proceeds with initiative

rolls and follow normal DCC combat rules. Players

can take actions, cast spells, declare mighty

deeds, etc., to do whatever it takes to move, or

block movement of the ball to the other side of

the field. Special note: obvious spellcasting and

outright killing of other players is generally

frowned upon, and may turn players from both

teams against the offending player if discovered.

Ghostly possession is, of course, allowed.

The turn ends once the ball has crossed a goal

line in the possession of a player from the

opposing team. The scoring team automatically

moves their momentum die one die up the dice

chain for the next turn, whereas the losing side

has to make a Will SV (DC decided by the Judge

based on the results of the play) to avoid moving

down one die. For example, after the first turn,

the winning team will have a d24 momentum die for

the next scrum, whereas the losing team will

either retain the d20 or move down to a d16,

depending on whether they made their save.

42

The game ends when the difference in the rolled

momentum die result is so large that one team

dominates the other completely, as indicated on

the scrum table result. Alternatively, other

methods can be used at the Judge’s discretion,

e.g. assigning and keeping track of an actual

score, a time limit, when the ball is removed

from play by ferrets, etc.

Random Equipment Table

Each side should roll a d30 for starting equipment and

reference the table below. If desired, each individual

player can be rolled for, though this is only

recommended for smaller teams. Players are free to get

creative with the actual use of the equipment during

play, with the Judge making the final ruling on the

result in game-play terms:

d30 Equipment d30 Equipment

1 A leg of cooked meat

(as club)

16 Fly-whisks

2 Zorro-style masks 17 Buckets

3 Hockey sticks 18 Nothing - team

always goes “skins”

4 Flags 19 Chalk

5 Sacks 20 Small tube of

vultureman-grease

paint

6 Conch 21 Treasure map with

an “X” on the

opponent’s goal line

7 Small pouch of sand 22 Painted gourd filled

with olive oil

8 Brooms 23 1 lb cheese

9 Necklaces made of

shells

24 Leather shoes

w/nails driven

through the soles

10 A sheaf of poems 25 Bottle of fireflies

11 Small hand mirror 26 Flasks of dyed

43

sugar-water

12 Centaurs 27 Reliquary filled

with bones

13 Klezmer instruments 28 Slightly deflated

ball

14 Cheering squad 29 Picnic lunch

15 Shuttlecock 30 Roll on the table

twice, taking both

results

Scrum Table

At the start of each turn, teams roll the momentum die

and the Judge references the table below, comparing the

result of the higher roll to the lower roll. The

difference between the results determines which row of

results applies to each team, the team with the higher

roll using the second column and the team with the

lower roll using the last column.

A result of “1” on the momentum die is an

automatic fumble. In addition to the result on

the scrum table, the team’s momentum die is

reduced by one on the dice chain with no save.

A result of “20” on the momentum die is a

critical hit. In addition to the result on the

scrum table, the team automatically wins

initiative during the subsequent turn. This

also applies to achieving the maximum result

on dice higher on the dice chain, i.e. a “24”

on a d24 and a “30” on a d30. There are no

critical results for momentum die lower than

d20.

44

Team

with

Low

Roll

Noteamcanwrestcontroloftheballoutofthe

tangledheavingmass.RollontheFace-offtable

below.

Theballwasinchesaway,butsnatchedupbythe

otherteambeforeyoucouldsecureit!Startthe

turnwiththeotherteaminpossessionofthe

ball;rollinitiativeasnormal.

Starttheturnwiththeotherteaminpossession

oftheball;rollinitiativeasnormal.

Theotherteamisclearlyplayingdirtywithsome

belowthebeltkicks.Nexttimeyouseeareferee…

Starttheturnwiththeotherteaminpossession

oftheball;rollinitiativeasnormal;each

playermakesaDC10RefSVortakes1d3bruising

damage.

Sotired,so,sotired.maybeyou’lljustreston

thisnicespotofsoftgrasshereforabit.Start

theturnwiththeotherteaminpossessionofthe

ball;rollinitiativeasnormal;eachplayermakes

aDC10FortSVorisknockedunconsciousforthis

turn

Theywonthismatch,butbythegodstherewillbe

others.Buythefirstroundofdrinks,graba

drippingsliceofroastedVultureman,andplot

yourrevenge...

Team

with

High

Roll

Noteamcanwrestcontroloftheballoutof

thetangledheavingmass.RollontheFace-

offtablebelow.

Strainingforcontroloftheball,yourteam

managestograbitoffthegroundbeforethe

otherteamcanreachit.Starttheturnwith

possession;rollinitiativeasnormal.

Astrongperformance!Startwithpossession;

+2toyourplayer’sinitiativerollsfor

thisturn.

Yourteammanagestogettheupperhandon

theotherteamandeasilyseizestheball.

Startwithpossession;+4toyourplayer’s

initiativerollsforthisturn.

Withahugesurge,yourteameasilypushes

theotherteamback,tramplingonthe

unluckyoneswhocouldn’tgetoutofthe

way.Startwithpossession;+4toyour

player’sinitiativerollsforthisturn.

Theteamdominatesthescrumutterlyand

completely,winningtheballandbrushing

asidetheirpanting,exhaustedopponentsto

claimafinalgoal!Gameends.

Diff.

Tie

<5

<10

<15

<20

20+

45

Face-off Table

If the scrum results in a Face-off, roll d11 and

reference the table below.

d11 What happens?

1 Play is interrupted by a piercing cry as 2d4

Vulturemen swoop in to attack!

2 A champion stands forth from one side and bellows

out a challenge to the other team to single

combat.

3 A pair of ferrets sneaks out of the scrum

attempting to steal the ball.

4 Blood frenzy. The game is forgotten by hot-

tempered players who immediately attack the

nearest opponent. DC 12 Will SV to resist.

5 With a sudden “POP!” a Type III demon appears out

of thin air wearing a striped uniform and

carrying a whistle.

6 Another team shows up and charges into the match.

Roll again for a three-way scrum (one high and

two low results).

7 The ground opens up and swallows the ball,

revealing a network of subterranean caverns below

the pitch.

8 Opposing gods have taken an interest in the

result, and secretly possess a player from each

side.

9 A line of small forest animals stare unnervingly

from the sidelines, each gripping a small

sharpened stick.

10 A nude dwarf with an ankle-length beard

interrupts play by running out onto the pitch.

11 As the teams heave and push to wrest control, the

ball cracks open, revealing a small fuzzy

dinosaur.

46

Vulturemen: Init +2; Atk claw +3 melee (1d6) or beak

+1 melee (1d4) or grab +0 melee (see below); AC 12; HD

1d8; MV 20’ or fly 40’; Act 1d20; SP grab (with a

successful grapple, carry off opponent, has to be

smaller than human-sized; up to three vultureman can

attempt to grab the same opponent to carry off larger

creatures - up to horse-sized); SV Fort +0, Ref +2,Will

+1; AL N.

Acknowledgements

Tim Callahan, for coming up with the

Killtackleball name suggestion.

The Metal Gods, for coming up with a die (d11)

so awesome, it needed to be included somehow.

47

Mighty Deeds of Arms - Spear

By R.S. Tilton

(An excerpt from the upcoming Clearspring Gazette by

R.S. Tilton)

Mighty Deeds of Arms: The Spear (melee)

In combat, the spear is a versatile weapon, able to

perform in many surprising ways, in addition to being

able to impale a target. When using a spear, a

character that hasn’t declared a Deed may automatically

roll on the spear table.

Die Roll Result

3 The spear’s length plays a role in keeping

the opponent at a distance. He receives a

+1 bonus to AC for the next round.

4 The spear impales the target in a non-vital

organ; this causes exceptional pain and

will cause an additional 1d3 damage when

the weapon is removed. While the weapon is

impaling the target, they suffer a -1d

penalty to attack the spear holder, and a

-2d penalty to attack his allies.

5 The spear impales the target in a vital

organ, causing exceptional pain and will

cause an additional 1d6 damage when the

weapon is removed. While the weapon is

impaling the target. they suffer a -1d

penalty to attack the spear holder; and a

-2d penalty to attack others.

6 The spear is used in a flurry of rapid

strikes, driving the target back 10 feet,

and causing 2d4 additional damage.

7 The spear impales the target’s head or

chest, causing 2d10 additional damage as

well as double the penalties from result

#5. The spear is lodged deeply in the

target and takes 1d4 rounds to remove.

48

Mighty Deeds of Arms: The Spear (thrown)

When thrown, the spear can cause heavy damage as it

comes down from the heavens gaining speed and momentum.

Die Roll Result

3 The spear hits with a metal rending power;

armor and shields lose 1 point of protection

(-1 AC) from the damage caused.

4 The spear pins the target in place as it

impales a leg or foot to the earth.

5 The spear drives through the target’s torso

pinning it to the ground, nearby structure or

tree, causing an additional 1d6 damage.

6 The spear drives through the target and

strikes another behind it. This causes normal

damage to both targets and an additional 1d6

damage to the initial target.

7 As above however the targets are pinned to

each other, and both take the additional 1d6

damage.

49

Mighty Deeds of Arms: The Harpoon

The harpoon comes with 50 feet of light but durable

rope. The weapon features a wickedly barbed spearhead,

allowing the weapon to sink into the target and to pull

them toward the thrower. Typically used in hunting

whales, the harpoon is attached to a longboat via a

stout metal ring at the butt end of the spear.

Die Roll Result

3 The harpoon hits, but the barb tears out

of the wound, leaving the target bleeding.

Lose 1 additional hit point for 1d4

rounds.

4 The harpoon impales the target, causing an

additional 1d4 points of damage when

reeled in. The target may attempt to tear

free with an opposed STR test.

5 The harpoon impales the target, causing an

additional 1d4 points of damage when

reeled in. The target may attempt to tear

free with an opposed STR test at -1d.

6 The harpoon impales the target lodging in

a bone, causing an additional 1d6 points

of damage when reeled in and knocking the

target to the ground. The target may

attempt to tear free with an opposed STR

test at -2d.

7 The harpoon impales the target lodging in

a bone, causing an additional 1d6 points

of damage when reeled in and knocking the

target to the ground. The target may

attempt to tear free with an opposed STR

test at -3d.

(These tables have not been extensively playtested and

feedback would be great. Contact me at [email protected]

with comments and suggestions.)

Tales of Travels, Trials, & Chance Meetings

These tales operate as a storytelling interlude in between adventures. The purpose is to inject some additional flavor for each character with some direction by both the player and the Judge. The Judge should have their players roll on the Chance Meetings table and then on the Travels & Trials table. The players will need to weave a story using elements from both of their results. The Judge should inter-rupt the tale to provide one boon and one detriment that fits into the story the player is telling. There are no limits to where the story goes or what form a boon or detriment takes, though a Judge should take care to limit the power of these things and dial back any features that could derail future storylines.

Step 1. Each player rolls on the Chance Meetings table

1 Wizard afflicted with terrible corruption

2 Halfling merchant with an interesting offer

3 Constable of lazy demeanor but high born connections

4 Elven sailor with a nearly mutinous crew

5 Ogre of unusually high intelligence and benevolent nature

6 Child possessed by a demon7 Cleric who has fallen and is

searching for a new faith8 Dwarf minstrel possessing a

mystical third eye9 Warrior who will not die though

covered in wounds that will not heal

10 Dog that communicates with its voice in your head

11 Bartender who is a long-dead walking skeleton performing his job for eternity

12 Halfling alchemist who always lacks the proper ingredient to finish his mix

13 Elf whose feet never touch the ground

14 Blacksmith who fashions replacement body parts

15 Someone who is reportedly present at the scene of every major calamity in the realm

16 Metal statue that moves and speaks as a human and claims to be from the stars

17 Wizard who is constantly out of focus for all who gaze upon him

18 Thief who will only talk to puppets

19 Giant that ceaselessly weeps and is consoled only by your voice

20. Fortune teller who divines from severed heads

Step 2. Each player rolls on the Travels & Trials table

1 Round trip passage on a ship that sails to a forgotten land

2 Journey to your home village3 Unwarranted banishment from a

region in which you travel4 Long period of sensory depriva-

tion in a deep dark cave5 Rise to the highest ranks of the

gladiator class6 Stumble upon an unfamiliar race

in a barren landscape7 Deep study of the fringe practices

of your art8 Hired to find a very important

missing person9 Sleep so deep you travel across

dimensional planes10 Assist farmers in a region where

sentient plants make seasonal harvests deadly

11 Become first mate on a ship that sails off the edge of the horizon and into the stars

12 Descend into the hollowed out trunk of a giant tree that grew into the earth instead of above it

13 Fall into a cavernous wasp hive and then brought to the queen

14 Take up residence in a tomb to convince people that it’s haunted

15 Hide a dangerous artifact that cannot be destroyed

16 Find your way out of a loop in time that has you live the same day over and over

17 Get rid of the ghost of one of your slain opponents that is haunting you

18 Rejoin your other self after being split into multiple existences

19 Return to your body after being trapped in an animal form

20 Banish a being made of pure light

Step 3. The player weaves a story using the results of the previous rolls

The players should take time to figure out a way to combine these elements into a story that fits the personality and actions of their character. No rolls need to be made during this process and the Judge is allowed to negate any aspect of the nar-rative that could upset the power balance or derail the campaign. Set a reasonable time limit and each player takes turns putting their character through a story of their creation.

Step 4. The Judge provides a boon and a detriment based on the story being told

A boon might be an item they receive, an ally, or a skill that they pick up and can call upon any time it’s appropriate in the future. A detriment might be a curse, an enemy, or a bad reputation that follows them.A Judge should throw boons and detriments in as they appear in the story as an interruption or complication for the player to work out in their narrative. Boons and detriments can also be revealed at the end of the story or even saved for a surprise in their next adventure. .

DCC house rules by Kane Cathain | illustration by Carly Onofrio

The Dryad's Tree

In which the Cautious Marauders seek

to fulfill the commandments of

The Portal Under the Stars

By Mike Loew

In the shadows of the ancient trees, the band

ranked up in precise martial formation: warriors Old

Huffy and Lars in the first rank; clerics Rabelais and

Porkins in the second, centered to support all those

who would believe in them; and finally fragile Tyson

and Donal at the rear, giving full range to their

hostile elven magic. Halfling Drek hid behind the

warriors, the counterpuncher, while thieving Cheeem

skulked far behind, the backstabber. They advanced

through the moonlit forest.

At the tip of the spear, their runty guide

Queebo flitted through the foliage. The branches grew

lower as the path narrowed, and the spear struggled to

keep its edge. The band straggled after their gnoblin

trailblazer into a tight labyrinth of turns, through a

dizzying bend, and then…

They broke free from the thickets into the

moonshade of a most colossal oak, soaring high above

all others in its own vast glade. The dark vault of its

foliage filled the night sky. At its mighty base the

tree radiated six great roots that arched overhead like

the buttresses of a cathedral, then descended into the

earth. Each root-bridge was at least a hundred feet

long and thick enough for two men to walk abreast.

Queebo and his burglars crept to a gnarled fence

of living wood that encircled the majestic tree. The

tendrils of the fence had grown into ornamental shapes

and were festooned with floral bouquets. They crouched

for cover behind the dainty perimeter.

Lars the woodcutter clicked his tongue. "Those

old roots are slick with moss and hard as stone.

There's no wood to be taken from them that would burn,"

he whispered.

"If you wish to steal kindling from the Dryad's

tree, you must hurry up a root, then climb the trunk.

There drier branches grow plentifully twenty feet up,"

said Queebo. He tugged a finely-crafted archery glove

onto his hand, emblazoned with golden thread, and

gripped his shortbow. "I hope you have a plan,"

grumbled the yellow-skinned forest-stalker.

"Time to get high," said Lars, producing a plump

shrooman steak from his sack. "Anybody else?"

"I am with you, generous lumberman!” exclaimed

Rabelais Rotundus. “My only regret is that I have no

wine to share, as I have quaffed it all in my

devotions.” Lars passed his portly comrade a

shroomsteak. The warrior of the woods and the cleric of

Borrach wolfed down the rubbery, fungoid flesh.

"Hm, not getting anything yet," Rabelais

muttered. Lars didn't hear him, as he was fascinated by

a similar sensation of the infinite calm he had felt

after inhaling the shrooman’s spore-mist. However, this

time his ribs were not being crushed. It felt amazing.

Lars took one more mental step beyond his sea of

calm into an infinite field of living information. He

had reached the peak of shrooman evolution. The

crystalline lattice of geometric gemstones that

underlay the universe unfurled before his eyes as his

highest self was revealed!

"Bah," snorted Cheeem at the grinning woodcutter

and Rabelais, sucking disconsolately at his teeth.

"While you degenerates stuff your swollen cheeks, eet

eez Cheeem who will gain our prize!" he boasted.

The jester removed his black silk pajamas, folded

them neatly, and hung them on the decorative fence. He

smeared mud over his pale, nude body, then attached

clumps of moss to his head and nethers. Two bent twigs

he tucked behind his ears, protruding like horns

through his moss-wig. Cheeem hunched his back and

contorted his knees repulsively, and his satyr's

disguise was complete.

"Watch and learn, baboons! Ha-HA." Strange, bold

Cheeem hopped the fence and snuck through the shadows,

simultaneously mimicking the crook-legged gait of a

satyr with startling verisimilitude.

"This is not maintaining proper formation!"

hissed Queebo.

Cheeem's comrades held their breath as the thief

silently pranced from shadow to shadow, slowly making

his way up a gnarled root. All was quiet but for a

gentle song in the air—a pretty melody by a feminine

voice that seemed to trill from the tree itself.

Watching and waiting with the others, Rabelais felt a

tingle in his toes.

Cheeem's satyrical charade through the shadows

carried him all the way up the root and to the trunk,

only a short climb to their goal. Nothing moved but for

the masquerading Cheeem. The thin-armed thief began to

climb the mighty oak… but crashed down in a tumble,

unable to pull himself up.

Rabelais felt his toe-tingle growing into warmth,

a red glow rising through his feet and up his calves.

The disembodied voice still sang her lullaby. Cheeem

attempted to climb the trunk once more, placing his

hands more carefully… but lost his grip and fell again,

smashing down in a tangle of disappointment!

Now the warmth climbed from Rabelais' calves into

his thighs, and from there into the fundament of his

spine, where a spiral energy began to generate.

Weakling Cheeem once more struggled to climb the trunk,

scrabbling at its knobby handholds… but tumbled down a

third time, a portrait of abject failure!

"Enough!" roared Rabelais. The burgeoning cleric

in his burgundy toga stood tall. The shrooman flesh had

finally metabolized in Rabelais' capacious gut,

unleashing the courage of generations of rogues. The

ecstatic madness of Borrach coursed through his veins.

Rabelais sprang over the fence, spine a-spiral, both

arms held aloft. "I wait for no man! Borrach has set me

free!"

To the horror of all present, especially Cheeem,

Rabelais stomped forward to explode the mantle of

silence, bellowing praise to his drunken god. Drek dove

at his knees to stop him, but was rebuffed. Porkins

lunged at his waist, but was shaken off with a spin.

Old Huffy tried to tackle Rabelais, but was rudely

stiff-armed away. The cleric of Borrach could not be

stopped! With his comrades sprawled behind him in the

leaves, Rabelais trundled up a root-bridge, oblivious

to Cheeem's frantic pantomimes for him to retreat.

"GO BACK," mouthed Cheeem in a silent howl. The

lilting song stopped in mid-melody, then warped into a

piercing shriek. The Dryad emerged from her elder oak,

her sapling limbs ripping free from the bark. The pale

green body of the sylvan guardian stretched forth,

eight feet long, her sinewy musculature barbed with

thorns. She writhed in fury high above them, black eyes

slitted with hate for the men gripping swords and axes.

Cheeem, a muddy, mossy, near-naked wretch,

cowered at the base of her tree. Rabelais galumphed up

a root-bridge, ululating in ecstasy. Behind him, Lars

leapt onto the same root, his great axe glittering on

his back. The Dryad's semi-human face twisted in

contempt. Then she saw Queebo, attempting to hide

behind the fence.

"Queeeeeeee-bo!" Her voice creaked with rage from

her wooden lungs. "Foul, hunchbacked, dismal-dreaming

bandit! You will… not steal… from me… again!" The Dryad

threw forth her claw-branched hands. A cloud of buzzing

pixies with dragonfly wings flew out from the soft glow

behind her tree, drawing back tiny needles on miniature

bows.

From the root-bridge, Lars tossed a chunk of

shrooman down to Porkins. “Munch that!” barked Lars at

his sober comrade. Brimming with psychedelic vitality,

Lars zoomed up the root with startling speed, running

right past Rabelais. The Dryad twisted her hands into

an eldritch gesture. A whip of wood curled down from

the branches and lashed at Lars, but the sharp tendril

glanced off the woodcutter's armored chest. Laughing

with manic glee, Lars hurled his hand-axe at a floating

pixie, obliterating it.

Under his vow of humility to obey any command,

Porkins dutifully chewed the shroomsteak that Lars had

tossed him. However, he did not experience the ecstasy

of Lars and Rabelais. His mind grew dark and cloudy,

and his focus shifted downward. The uplifting earth

magic of the shroomen could not break Porkins'

meditations on the abyssal horror of his sunken god.

Lars dipped and dodged through the Dryad's

slashing branches. More pixie archers emerged. Cringing

Cheeem tried to secrete himself into a fold in the

trunk, but the hovering pixies saw all. They peppered

his muddy skin with white needles, and Cheeem collapsed

into slumber.

Back by the dainty fence, Tyson Ballywicke

attempted several spells to aid his comrades, but

failed utterly at each one. Wobbling under the weight

of his own inadequacy, the milquetoast house-elf felt

his strength leave him. A thunderclap resounded inside

Tyson's flap-ears, and the dark countenance of his

master Sezrekan filled his inner vision.

"Atrocious technique! It is time to prove your

questionable worth to me, chandler!” scowled the Old

Master. "Retrieve my lost relic, the other half of the

Rulership Rod! Reunite it, and offer it up to my

glory!” Sezrekan set Tyson's mind ablaze with a view of

a crumbling castle atop a burning sea, where lay the

occult object of his desire.

The Dryad wove her bristling hands, bewitching

more branches to flay the marauders. Unperturbed,

Rabelais pulled out his shortbow, licked an arrow for

luck, and fired. With shocking accuracy, the shaft

pierced both of the Dryad's hands in mid-conjuration!

She screeched in pain and vexation. With her palms

pinned together by the iron-tipped arrow, the Dryad

could no longer weave arcane gestures, crippling the

use of her branch-mastery.

Slow and quiet, Drek the halfling had snuck up

along a back root. There he found a bulbous, glowing

hive growing from the rear of the trunk. Its papery

shell split open, spilling more light, and a pixie

emerged through the glistening aperture. It pulled

itself free with tiny arms, thrummed its wings, then

broke off a curved, vestigial bone from its coccyx. The

pixie strung a tendon on its bone-bow and buzzed at

Drek, producing a needle from its quivered forearms.

Drek stomped through a spritz of bony needles,

prickling his leathery face and arms. Their soporific

effect had flattened syphilitic Cheeem, but the pixie

venom was easily absorbed by the hardy vagrant. With

great stamina and without mercy, Drek gashed open the

bulging hive with his twin short swords. Larval pixies

tumbled out, their insectoid wings coated with amniotic

sap.

Lars reached the trunk, stepped over sleeping

Cheeem, and shroomanically climbed toward their

precious wood. He clambered into the lowest branches

and began to snap them off. Fuming above him, the

desperate root-witch tried to charm his mind. The Dryad

sang her enchantments, hoping to seduce the dynamic

woodcutter against his allies, but could not find a

grip on Lars' roiling brain. The mind of Rabelais was

equally on fire, and she found no love in the heart of

Drek.

Watching from afar with eagle eyes, Old Huffy

coolly raised his longbow. A moonbeam glimmered off his

arrowhead. He shot the Dryad through the neck, stifling

her song. She looked down coldly, her hands clasped

together by Rabelais’ arrow, as if in prayer. Her

slender green body tumbled to the forest floor, silent

forevermore.

Lars looked down upon the fallen nymph. For a

wide-eyed moment that pierced the frenzy of his

intoxication, he felt pity, and shame, and that a great

mistake had been made. Then he was enthralled by the

sight of thousands of leaves falling all around him

like a rain of green teardrops.

Through the whispering downfall Lars slid down

the trunk, clutching an armful of the Dryad's wood. He

could almost feel the bark trembling with misery.

Behind the fence, Donal Frolanger sent in a conjured

hawk to steal a few twigs of his own, after all of that

trouble. "That's so Donal," thought Tyson.

The grieving boughs overhead swayed and shook,

shedding masses of foliage. Drek slapped Cheeem awake.

The creaking wood and rustling leaves melded into a

thunderous voice that spoke from all around them.

"YOU. KILLED. MY. BRIDE."

The gargantuan tree awoke. Dozens of knotty

eyeballs blinked open across its crusty bark. A jagged

black hole spread across its trunk like a mournful

mouth, exhaling a bitter stench of anguish. Its titanic

roots quivered, one ripping free from the sod.

Lars, Rabelais, and Cheeem fled for their lives

down another root, stomping upon furious wooden eyes.

Queebo burst up from behind the ornamental fence, where

the rest of the band hunched in dread.

"Jump the fence! Escape the bounding circle!"

hollered Queebo.

The wood-burglars vaulted over the fence, kicking

aside its bouquets, now blackened and withered. Only

halfling Drek lagged behind, half-numb from pixie

venom, pumping his stumpy legs as fast as he could.

“Haul your hindquarters, halfling!” shouted

Rabelais.

Drek leapt off the root-bridge and rolled across

the leaves. The moonlight faded swiftly around him.

Drek looked up—the freed root descended like a gigantic

clawed foot, drowning him in its swiftly growing

shadow.

Drek scuttled to the fence, coiled his thick

legs, and leapt with all his might. It wasn't enough.

There was no way he could have cleared the fence—if

Lars hadn't tossed his stolen wood into Porkins' arms,

drawn his battleaxe, and chopped through the fence at

waist-height, a moment before Drek sailed over his

hacking steel and through the splintered gap.

The huge foot of the arboreal giant slammed down

just behind the charmed halfling, dealing massive

damage to naught but an unlucky anthill. Bursting with

avaricious joy, the band of thieves scattered into the

night.

An excerpt from a novel in progress,

"The Cautious Marauders."

0-Level Character Sheet – Created by Billy Longino



Credits

Contributing Authors – VOLUME 4

Marc Bruner Tim Callahan, Kane Cathain,

Billy Longino, Mike Lowe, James MacGeorge,

Gabriel Meister, Jonathan Perkel, Roy Snyder,

R.S. Tilton

Editors

Marc Bruner, Chris Fassano, Paul Go,

Jon Hershberger, Gilbert Isla, Edgar Johnson,

Justin Kowalski, Paul LoCasto, David Pier, Tim Snider,

Noah Stevens, Harley Stroh, Doyle Wayne Ramos-Tavener,

Kyle Turner, Dak Ultimak, Laura Rose Williams,

Paul Wolfe, Christopher Wood

Proofreaders

Daniel J. Bishop, Jen Brinkman, Marc Bruner,

Reece Carter, Scott Dexter, Eric Hoffman,

Aielo Jimenez, Aaron Koelman, Paul LoCasto,

Jim Skach, Tim Snider, Nita Snyder, Kyle Turner,

Dak Ultimak, David VC, Matthias Weeks,

Christopher Wood

Editorial Staff

Paul Go, Tim Snider, Paul Wolfe

Cover Illustrator – VOLUME 4

Doug Kovacs

Title Page Illustrator – VOLUME 4

Marc Radle

Contributing Illustrators – VOLUME 4

Doug Kovacs, Mike Loew, William McAusland,

Sean Poppe, Aileen Snyder, Carla Stroh, Mario Torres

Creative Vision & Direction, Layout and Graphic Design

Doug Kovacs, Harley Stroh,

Doyle Wayne Ramos-Tavener, and Jon Hershberger

Documents

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