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Analyze the Importance of the Parent-Child Relationship By Billiana Alexandrova The relationship between a child and its parent is one of the most important relationships that an individual can establish in its lifetime. The quality of that relationship can be affected by the parent’s age, self-confidence and marital status. What I find most interesting in this particular subject is that, because of the uniqueness of each individual, every parent-child interaction is different in itself because of the education of the individual, the way they were raised and the experience of both parties. It is always interesting to analyze those relationships not only in real life but also the way they are described in literature, portrayed in films and even the way they are mentioned in art and music. The parent-child relationship can affect the child’s future experiences and relationships. I discovered in an article that the personality of the parent and the child can affect that relationship and this was only proof for my personal experience: “Parental self-confidence is an important indicator of parental competence. Mothers who believe that they are effective parents are more competent than mothers who feel incompetent. Also, mothers who see themselves as effective also tend to believe their infants are less

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Page 1: The Importance of Parent-Child Relationships

Analyze the Importance of the Parent-Child Relationship

By Billiana Alexandrova

The relationship between a child and its parent is one of the most important

relationships that an individual can establish in its lifetime. The quality of that

relationship can be affected by the parent’s age, self-confidence and marital status.

What I find most interesting in this particular subject is that, because of the

uniqueness of each individual, every parent-child interaction is different in itself

because of the education of the individual, the way they were raised and the

experience of both parties. It is always interesting to analyze those relationships not

only in real life but also the way they are described in literature, portrayed in films

and even the way they are mentioned in art and music. The parent-child relationship

can affect the child’s future experiences and relationships.

I discovered in an article that the personality of the parent and the child can

affect that relationship and this was only proof for my personal experience: “Parental self-confidence is an important indicator of parental

competence. Mothers who believe that they are effective parents are

more competent than mothers who feel incompetent. Also, mothers who

see themselves as effective also tend to believe their infants are

less difficult to handle. Characteristics that may affect the parent-

child relationship in a family include the child’s physical

appearance, sex and temperament. Children who are loved thrive better

than those who are not.” – Healthofchildren.com

I also read that things like impact of birth order, cultural impact and the different

approaches to parenting (i.e. Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive and Disengaged

parenting) can also affect the interaction between the child and each of the parents: “In some countries, childrearing is considered protective

nurturing. Children are not rushed into new experiences like toilet

training or being in school. In other countries, children are

commonly treated in a harsh, strict manner, using shame or corporal

punishment for discipline. Childhood in the United States stretches

across many years. In other countries, children are expected to enter

the adult world of work when they are still quite young.

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The position of a child in the family, whether a firstborn,

a middle child, the youngest, an only child, or one within a large

family, has some bearing on the child’s growth and development. An

only child or the oldest child in a family excels in language

development because conversations are mainly with adults. Children

learn by watching other children; however, a firstborn or an only

child, who has no example to watch, may not excel in other skills,

such as toilet training, at an early age.

Parenting has four main styles: authoritarian,

authoritative, permissive and detached. Parenting style is shaped by

the parent’ developmental history, education, and personality; the

child’s behaviour; and the immediate and broader context of the

parent’s life. Also, the parent’s behaviour is influenced by the

parent’s work, the parents’ marriage, finances, and other conditions

likely to affect the parent’s behaviour and psychological well being.

In addition, parents in different cultures, from different social

classes, and from different ethnic groups rear their children

differently. In any event, children’s behaviour and psychological

development are linked to the parenting style in which they are

raised.” – Healthofchildren.com

In my opinion, there are people in the world who do not know how to be parents

and who give up too easily on their offspring. Some people do not know how to

approach their children and since the relationship between the parent and the child is

one of the most important relationships in life, those who lack that interaction and

feeling can affect the child’s other relationships later on life. I have seen this in people

I know – some that have had great relationships with their parents are still thriving in

life (much easier than many others) because they knew they had the full support of

their parents; and those who’ve lacked parental figures have had a tougher time while

making their way in the world because of insecurity and most often – the lack of

emotional support from a parental figure.

In the very early stages of infancy the child starts developing attachments to the

person that’s taking care of him or her (could be a parent or a caregiver). That

attachment starts forming from the first days after the baby is born and continue

developing from that moment on. The attachment will form even if the parent is harsh

or abusive. According to research done in Duke University:“It is important to understand the attachment theory for us

to understand early child-parent relationships as it lays the

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foundation for children’s later social, emotional and school

functioning.”

The attachment between the parent and the child are lasting emotional ties. The

only children that cannot form an attachment are those that do not have parents or a

specific caregiver (like the children in orphanages). There is a primary parent that the

child grows more attached to, and that parent turns into ‘the primary attachment

figure.’

Besides analyzing the primary attachment figure, it is important to analyze the

quality of the attachment which comes down to two basic types – secure and insecure.

In 2000, The Committee on Integrating the Science of Early Childhood Development

published a report, identifying the importance of the attachment in the development of

the child. “A secure attachment will ensure that the child will be calm, understood, secure and this will impact its nervous system for

the better and provide the best foundation in life – the child will

grow up wanting to learn, and will have trust and healthy self-

awareness.” According to Psychology About, when the child feels secure, it is able

to live separately, it seeks comfort from the parent when it’s frightened, and it prefers

parents to strangers. “Parents of securely attached children are more likely to respond quickly to the children’s needs. An important

factor for the formation of a secure relationship is the mother’s

responsiveness to the baby’s needs in its first year of life.”

As reported by Help Guide “when an insecure attachment bond is formed it means that the bond failed to meet the child’s need for

security and safety feeling thus preventing the child’s developing

brain for organizing itself in the best ways. An insecure attachment

bond can affect the emotional, mental and physical development and

can cause damage in the learning process and the relationships

forming later on in life.”

Both types of attachments have their consequences in adolescence and adult life.

The relationship between the parent and the child changes when the child

reaches adolescence. As the child grows up, it starts learning to express and defend its

own opinion and find out more and more about the world. That, of course, for a parent

who has spent numerous years protecting and doing his or her best to take care of the

child and prevent it from seeing the horrors of the world can be terrifying. I asked

some questions about puberty – I asked my mom what did she feel when I entered

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puberty (me, being the oldest child of two) and she said that I wasn’t the quiet child

anymore and I started to rebel a lot. From my point of view I can say that everything

irritated me and I craved independence. Many parents say that they feel like at one

horrific moment puberty hits and children start ‘evolving’ into adolescents. They

think they are immune to the world’s horrors and they, more often than not, consider

problems as things that can rarely happen to them. “The child’s desire to express and act on its opinions becomes a

solid ground for conflict, especially for parents that lack patience.

The adolescents start seeing their parents as controlling or

irritating and start rebelling against them. The parents think that

their child is bitter and sometimes they can feel like they do not

know their own child.” According to research done by the ACT for Youth Center

of Excellence “many parents and adolescents report a decrease in closeness during puberty. Family conflict is brewed by minor things

such as choices of clothing, leisure time, music, dating or bigger

themes like drug use and religion. Research shows that adolescents

tend to be quite sensitive to a casual remark done by the parent.

Changes in environment can also cause stress situations and shifts in

the relationship between the parent and the child.”

As reported by a study, “40 percent of parents of adolescent children reported two or more difficulties during a child’s transition to

adolescence: lowered self-esteem, decreased life satisfaction,

increased depression and anxiety.” (Steinberg, 2001).

Baumrind, in a paper from 1991 advises parents to “obtain basic information about the developmental changes of adolescence and also

learn effective parenting tips during the adolescent years”.

But what happens to the children that lack good attachments and relationship

with the parent or caregiver in early childhood or adolescence?

Psychologytoday reports of a study, titled ‘Childhood Abuse, Parental Warmth

and Adult multisystem Biological Risk in the Coronary Artery Risk Development in

Young Adults study’, published by the Proceedings of the National Academy of

Sciences. The researches have studied the effects of the lack of parental warmth and

care, as well as abuse in the growing child’s body. They report back: “If the child has love from parental figures, they may be more protected from the

impact of abuse on biological risk for health problems than those who

don’t have that loving adult in their life.” (Judith E. Caroll, UCLA)

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The book series ‘Heroes of Olympus’ draws multiple examples of the versatility

of parent-child relationships and how that relationship affects the child in the different

stages of life and what consequences it has on the life of the individual. The series

tells the story of seven demigods going on a quest to stop the awakening of the Earth

Mother Gaia in order to save the Earth. Each of those demigods has different

parentage and some of the demigods are Roman and others are Greek. Their heritage,

of course, affects the way they are raised and their beliefs and education.

Jason Grace is a Roman demigod and son of Jupiter. When he was 2 years old,

he was kidnapped by Juno and he was initiated in the Roman ways by Lupa in the

Wolf House. He later on joined the Roman Legion. For a very long time he didn’t

know what had happened to his family and he didn’t know who his father was. That

brought a lot of insecurity and self-doubt but once his father, Jupiter acknowledged

him, he made sure to make him proud. Throughout the series, Jason sometimes feels

uncomfortable with attention that is given to him due to being the son of Jupiter and

people expecting that he will not fail.

Piper McLean is a Greek demigod, daughter of Aphrodite. She has a wonderful

relationship with her human parent and not so smooth relationship with her divine

parent – Aphrodite. And while her secure attachment has given her confidence and

has encouraged her to learn as much as she could from her Cherokee ancestor (which

comes in useful in life and death situations: ‘You would learn all the Cherokee songs,

even the song of the snakes’) , her insecure attachment to her mother, Aphrodite, who

has failed to acknowledge her existence for most of her life, has caused Piper’s

insecurity in her looks and abilities in the beginning of the series. Aphrodite and Piper

don’t grow close, but Piper uses wisely the abilities she has inherited from her mother

and while Aphrodite does everything to interfere with Piper’s relationship with Jason

and tries to make her daughter fit the stereotype of all of her other children, Piper

manages to escape it and still work her magic. (Aphrodite children are known to be

vain, self-obsessed and like to mess with other people’s relationships.)

Leo Valdez is another one of the main demigods, a son of Hephaestus. He was

raised by his mother Esperanza with whom he had a wonderful relationship with until

her death when he was only eight years old. The death of his mother haunted Leo for

years because it was his pyrokinetic abilities that triggered the fire that burned the

mechanic shop and caused his mother’s death. After his mother’s death he was sent to

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several foster homes. He gets acknowledged by his father the second he enters Camp

Half Blood and his father meets him at one point and they bond over mechanics. Still,

that father was never there for Leo when he was growing up and he didn’t help him

get out of the foster system which resulted to Leo running away six times before he

got to the Greek Camp.

Percy Jackson is a Greek demigod and son of Poseidon. He is raised by his

mother Sally and does everything to protect her son from the monsters that haunt the

demigods. Percy has a wonderful relationship with her and he thinks that his father

has died, until he gets to Camp and later on gets acknowledged by Poseidon. While

Poseidon hasn’t really been there for Percy in the beginning of his life, later on he

makes up for it and really puts effort to be there for his son – even shows up for his

birthday which is very untypical for the gods. Percy’s relationship with Poseidon

evolves and from hostility and insecurity in the beginning, grows to trust and love

towards the end.

Annabeth Chase is also a Greek demigod and she is the daughter of Athena.

Annabeth was raised by her mortal father and she had a complicated relationship with

him and definitely an insecure attachment to him and she ran away from home and

eventually joined Camp Half-Blood. Lacking a relationship with one of her parents

and having a very insecure attachment to the other forced her to choose to leave home

and look for a safe place where she would be appreciated for what she is – an

intelligent, wise young woman with a burning love for architecture and ambition to

become the greatest architect there is.

Frank Zhang is a Roman demigod, son of Mars and legacy of Poseidon. His

heritage is not only Greek but also Chinese and Canadian and with that he feels great

pressure to fulfill his destiny. Frank has two adult figures in his life – his mother and

his grandmother. His mother dies in a military accident in Afghanistan and after that

his grandmother helped to raise him. Frank is considered to be dangerously powerful

because of the powers that he inherited from his divine parent and also because of the

blessing of Poseidon – the ability to shift into any kind of animal from human form.

Frank isn’t acknowledged while he is in Camp Jupiter and for a very long while he

thinks he is the son of Apollo, without being acknowledged. He meets his father Mars

in Italy and gets his blessing after completing a task. Frank is usually shy, cynical and

pessimistic due to personal clumsiness and low self-esteem (which can all be

explained because of the way he was raised with his grandmother always forcing him

Page 7: The Importance of Parent-Child Relationships

to do his best and never quite rewarding him when he did so, the death of his mother

and the absence of his father.) After he gets the Blessing of Mars, Frank becomes

much more decisive, confident and straightforward.

Hazel Levesque is a Roman demigod, daughter of Pluto who is brought back to

life. She meets Pluto only once before her death and he doesn’t act very fatherly to

her. Her mother is very greedy and asks of Pluto all the riches of the earth which

backfires because all of the riches and jewels that Hazels finds are cursed. Hazel feels

that she represents the wealth power of Pluto, while her half-brother Nico represents

the death power of Hades. Her complicated relationship with both of her parents

affect her but despite that she is bright and outgoing with a love for creativity and

horseback riding. She is extremely loyal to her friends and treats them as family.

To conclude, I would like to say that I agree with the importance of the parent

child relationship and I have experience both secure and insecure attachments which

have had their consequences and impact on my life. I’ve met people with different

stories and experiences with their parents or caregivers and that has affected their life.

I've learnt that there the parent-child relationship is a complicated bond that requires a

lot of work like any other relationship. Parental self-confidence is important for the

way the child is raised. Cultural impact and the position of the child in the family

affect the life of the child from very early on in its life. The quality of the attachment

between the child and the parent/caregiver also can affect the child's life and the

children that have secure attachments grow up to be more healthy and they are calm,

understood and secure, and that gives the 'secure' children the best foundation in life.

An insecure attachment fails to meet the child's needs and that affects the emotional,

mental and physical development of the child as well as the relationships formed later

on life. It is also natural for a relationship to change and evolve, and the parent-child

bond changes when the child reaches adolescence which is a very stressful experience

for both parties because of the changes that happen with the child - how it grows, the

decisions it starts to make and the life he or she chooses to live.

The book series 'The Heroes of Olympus' gives a wide variety of different

parent-child relationships and shows the outcomes from those relationships. If we

look beneath the surface we can see that the very bond between the parent/caregiver

and the child can define the outcome of life and death situations.

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Works Cited

Baumrind, D., Effective parenting during the early adolescent

transition. In P.A Cowan & Em. Hetherington

Laurson, B., Conflict and social interaction in adolescent

relationships. Journal of research on adolescence, 11(1) , 1-19

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Riordan, R., The Heroes of Olympus

Riordan, R. , The Blood of Olympus

Steinberg, L & Morris, A.S. , Adolescent development. Annual

Review of Psychology 52, 83-110

http://www.actforyouth.net/resources/rf/rf_parent_0302.cfm http://camphalfblood.wikia.com/wiki/Jason_Grace http://camphalfblood.wikia.com/wiki/Hazel_Levesque http://camphalfblood.wikia.com/wiki/Piper_McLean http://camphalfblood.wikia.com/wiki/Leo_Valdez http://camphalfblood.wikia.com/wiki/Percy_Jackson http://camphalfblood.wikia.com/wiki/Frank_Zhang http://camphalfblood.wikia.com/wiki/Annabeth_Chase https://childandfamilypolicy.duke.edu/pdfs/pubpres/

SupportingHealthyRelationships.pdf http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/

attachment01.htm