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My very first academic paper.
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Analyze the Importance of the Parent-Child Relationship
By Billiana Alexandrova
The relationship between a child and its parent is one of the most important
relationships that an individual can establish in its lifetime. The quality of that
relationship can be affected by the parent’s age, self-confidence and marital status.
What I find most interesting in this particular subject is that, because of the
uniqueness of each individual, every parent-child interaction is different in itself
because of the education of the individual, the way they were raised and the
experience of both parties. It is always interesting to analyze those relationships not
only in real life but also the way they are described in literature, portrayed in films
and even the way they are mentioned in art and music. The parent-child relationship
can affect the child’s future experiences and relationships.
I discovered in an article that the personality of the parent and the child can
affect that relationship and this was only proof for my personal experience: “Parental self-confidence is an important indicator of parental
competence. Mothers who believe that they are effective parents are
more competent than mothers who feel incompetent. Also, mothers who
see themselves as effective also tend to believe their infants are
less difficult to handle. Characteristics that may affect the parent-
child relationship in a family include the child’s physical
appearance, sex and temperament. Children who are loved thrive better
than those who are not.” – Healthofchildren.com
I also read that things like impact of birth order, cultural impact and the different
approaches to parenting (i.e. Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive and Disengaged
parenting) can also affect the interaction between the child and each of the parents: “In some countries, childrearing is considered protective
nurturing. Children are not rushed into new experiences like toilet
training or being in school. In other countries, children are
commonly treated in a harsh, strict manner, using shame or corporal
punishment for discipline. Childhood in the United States stretches
across many years. In other countries, children are expected to enter
the adult world of work when they are still quite young.
The position of a child in the family, whether a firstborn,
a middle child, the youngest, an only child, or one within a large
family, has some bearing on the child’s growth and development. An
only child or the oldest child in a family excels in language
development because conversations are mainly with adults. Children
learn by watching other children; however, a firstborn or an only
child, who has no example to watch, may not excel in other skills,
such as toilet training, at an early age.
Parenting has four main styles: authoritarian,
authoritative, permissive and detached. Parenting style is shaped by
the parent’ developmental history, education, and personality; the
child’s behaviour; and the immediate and broader context of the
parent’s life. Also, the parent’s behaviour is influenced by the
parent’s work, the parents’ marriage, finances, and other conditions
likely to affect the parent’s behaviour and psychological well being.
In addition, parents in different cultures, from different social
classes, and from different ethnic groups rear their children
differently. In any event, children’s behaviour and psychological
development are linked to the parenting style in which they are
raised.” – Healthofchildren.com
In my opinion, there are people in the world who do not know how to be parents
and who give up too easily on their offspring. Some people do not know how to
approach their children and since the relationship between the parent and the child is
one of the most important relationships in life, those who lack that interaction and
feeling can affect the child’s other relationships later on life. I have seen this in people
I know – some that have had great relationships with their parents are still thriving in
life (much easier than many others) because they knew they had the full support of
their parents; and those who’ve lacked parental figures have had a tougher time while
making their way in the world because of insecurity and most often – the lack of
emotional support from a parental figure.
In the very early stages of infancy the child starts developing attachments to the
person that’s taking care of him or her (could be a parent or a caregiver). That
attachment starts forming from the first days after the baby is born and continue
developing from that moment on. The attachment will form even if the parent is harsh
or abusive. According to research done in Duke University:“It is important to understand the attachment theory for us
to understand early child-parent relationships as it lays the
foundation for children’s later social, emotional and school
functioning.”
The attachment between the parent and the child are lasting emotional ties. The
only children that cannot form an attachment are those that do not have parents or a
specific caregiver (like the children in orphanages). There is a primary parent that the
child grows more attached to, and that parent turns into ‘the primary attachment
figure.’
Besides analyzing the primary attachment figure, it is important to analyze the
quality of the attachment which comes down to two basic types – secure and insecure.
In 2000, The Committee on Integrating the Science of Early Childhood Development
published a report, identifying the importance of the attachment in the development of
the child. “A secure attachment will ensure that the child will be calm, understood, secure and this will impact its nervous system for
the better and provide the best foundation in life – the child will
grow up wanting to learn, and will have trust and healthy self-
awareness.” According to Psychology About, when the child feels secure, it is able
to live separately, it seeks comfort from the parent when it’s frightened, and it prefers
parents to strangers. “Parents of securely attached children are more likely to respond quickly to the children’s needs. An important
factor for the formation of a secure relationship is the mother’s
responsiveness to the baby’s needs in its first year of life.”
As reported by Help Guide “when an insecure attachment bond is formed it means that the bond failed to meet the child’s need for
security and safety feeling thus preventing the child’s developing
brain for organizing itself in the best ways. An insecure attachment
bond can affect the emotional, mental and physical development and
can cause damage in the learning process and the relationships
forming later on in life.”
Both types of attachments have their consequences in adolescence and adult life.
The relationship between the parent and the child changes when the child
reaches adolescence. As the child grows up, it starts learning to express and defend its
own opinion and find out more and more about the world. That, of course, for a parent
who has spent numerous years protecting and doing his or her best to take care of the
child and prevent it from seeing the horrors of the world can be terrifying. I asked
some questions about puberty – I asked my mom what did she feel when I entered
puberty (me, being the oldest child of two) and she said that I wasn’t the quiet child
anymore and I started to rebel a lot. From my point of view I can say that everything
irritated me and I craved independence. Many parents say that they feel like at one
horrific moment puberty hits and children start ‘evolving’ into adolescents. They
think they are immune to the world’s horrors and they, more often than not, consider
problems as things that can rarely happen to them. “The child’s desire to express and act on its opinions becomes a
solid ground for conflict, especially for parents that lack patience.
The adolescents start seeing their parents as controlling or
irritating and start rebelling against them. The parents think that
their child is bitter and sometimes they can feel like they do not
know their own child.” According to research done by the ACT for Youth Center
of Excellence “many parents and adolescents report a decrease in closeness during puberty. Family conflict is brewed by minor things
such as choices of clothing, leisure time, music, dating or bigger
themes like drug use and religion. Research shows that adolescents
tend to be quite sensitive to a casual remark done by the parent.
Changes in environment can also cause stress situations and shifts in
the relationship between the parent and the child.”
As reported by a study, “40 percent of parents of adolescent children reported two or more difficulties during a child’s transition to
adolescence: lowered self-esteem, decreased life satisfaction,
increased depression and anxiety.” (Steinberg, 2001).
Baumrind, in a paper from 1991 advises parents to “obtain basic information about the developmental changes of adolescence and also
learn effective parenting tips during the adolescent years”.
But what happens to the children that lack good attachments and relationship
with the parent or caregiver in early childhood or adolescence?
Psychologytoday reports of a study, titled ‘Childhood Abuse, Parental Warmth
and Adult multisystem Biological Risk in the Coronary Artery Risk Development in
Young Adults study’, published by the Proceedings of the National Academy of
Sciences. The researches have studied the effects of the lack of parental warmth and
care, as well as abuse in the growing child’s body. They report back: “If the child has love from parental figures, they may be more protected from the
impact of abuse on biological risk for health problems than those who
don’t have that loving adult in their life.” (Judith E. Caroll, UCLA)
The book series ‘Heroes of Olympus’ draws multiple examples of the versatility
of parent-child relationships and how that relationship affects the child in the different
stages of life and what consequences it has on the life of the individual. The series
tells the story of seven demigods going on a quest to stop the awakening of the Earth
Mother Gaia in order to save the Earth. Each of those demigods has different
parentage and some of the demigods are Roman and others are Greek. Their heritage,
of course, affects the way they are raised and their beliefs and education.
Jason Grace is a Roman demigod and son of Jupiter. When he was 2 years old,
he was kidnapped by Juno and he was initiated in the Roman ways by Lupa in the
Wolf House. He later on joined the Roman Legion. For a very long time he didn’t
know what had happened to his family and he didn’t know who his father was. That
brought a lot of insecurity and self-doubt but once his father, Jupiter acknowledged
him, he made sure to make him proud. Throughout the series, Jason sometimes feels
uncomfortable with attention that is given to him due to being the son of Jupiter and
people expecting that he will not fail.
Piper McLean is a Greek demigod, daughter of Aphrodite. She has a wonderful
relationship with her human parent and not so smooth relationship with her divine
parent – Aphrodite. And while her secure attachment has given her confidence and
has encouraged her to learn as much as she could from her Cherokee ancestor (which
comes in useful in life and death situations: ‘You would learn all the Cherokee songs,
even the song of the snakes’) , her insecure attachment to her mother, Aphrodite, who
has failed to acknowledge her existence for most of her life, has caused Piper’s
insecurity in her looks and abilities in the beginning of the series. Aphrodite and Piper
don’t grow close, but Piper uses wisely the abilities she has inherited from her mother
and while Aphrodite does everything to interfere with Piper’s relationship with Jason
and tries to make her daughter fit the stereotype of all of her other children, Piper
manages to escape it and still work her magic. (Aphrodite children are known to be
vain, self-obsessed and like to mess with other people’s relationships.)
Leo Valdez is another one of the main demigods, a son of Hephaestus. He was
raised by his mother Esperanza with whom he had a wonderful relationship with until
her death when he was only eight years old. The death of his mother haunted Leo for
years because it was his pyrokinetic abilities that triggered the fire that burned the
mechanic shop and caused his mother’s death. After his mother’s death he was sent to
several foster homes. He gets acknowledged by his father the second he enters Camp
Half Blood and his father meets him at one point and they bond over mechanics. Still,
that father was never there for Leo when he was growing up and he didn’t help him
get out of the foster system which resulted to Leo running away six times before he
got to the Greek Camp.
Percy Jackson is a Greek demigod and son of Poseidon. He is raised by his
mother Sally and does everything to protect her son from the monsters that haunt the
demigods. Percy has a wonderful relationship with her and he thinks that his father
has died, until he gets to Camp and later on gets acknowledged by Poseidon. While
Poseidon hasn’t really been there for Percy in the beginning of his life, later on he
makes up for it and really puts effort to be there for his son – even shows up for his
birthday which is very untypical for the gods. Percy’s relationship with Poseidon
evolves and from hostility and insecurity in the beginning, grows to trust and love
towards the end.
Annabeth Chase is also a Greek demigod and she is the daughter of Athena.
Annabeth was raised by her mortal father and she had a complicated relationship with
him and definitely an insecure attachment to him and she ran away from home and
eventually joined Camp Half-Blood. Lacking a relationship with one of her parents
and having a very insecure attachment to the other forced her to choose to leave home
and look for a safe place where she would be appreciated for what she is – an
intelligent, wise young woman with a burning love for architecture and ambition to
become the greatest architect there is.
Frank Zhang is a Roman demigod, son of Mars and legacy of Poseidon. His
heritage is not only Greek but also Chinese and Canadian and with that he feels great
pressure to fulfill his destiny. Frank has two adult figures in his life – his mother and
his grandmother. His mother dies in a military accident in Afghanistan and after that
his grandmother helped to raise him. Frank is considered to be dangerously powerful
because of the powers that he inherited from his divine parent and also because of the
blessing of Poseidon – the ability to shift into any kind of animal from human form.
Frank isn’t acknowledged while he is in Camp Jupiter and for a very long while he
thinks he is the son of Apollo, without being acknowledged. He meets his father Mars
in Italy and gets his blessing after completing a task. Frank is usually shy, cynical and
pessimistic due to personal clumsiness and low self-esteem (which can all be
explained because of the way he was raised with his grandmother always forcing him
to do his best and never quite rewarding him when he did so, the death of his mother
and the absence of his father.) After he gets the Blessing of Mars, Frank becomes
much more decisive, confident and straightforward.
Hazel Levesque is a Roman demigod, daughter of Pluto who is brought back to
life. She meets Pluto only once before her death and he doesn’t act very fatherly to
her. Her mother is very greedy and asks of Pluto all the riches of the earth which
backfires because all of the riches and jewels that Hazels finds are cursed. Hazel feels
that she represents the wealth power of Pluto, while her half-brother Nico represents
the death power of Hades. Her complicated relationship with both of her parents
affect her but despite that she is bright and outgoing with a love for creativity and
horseback riding. She is extremely loyal to her friends and treats them as family.
To conclude, I would like to say that I agree with the importance of the parent
child relationship and I have experience both secure and insecure attachments which
have had their consequences and impact on my life. I’ve met people with different
stories and experiences with their parents or caregivers and that has affected their life.
I've learnt that there the parent-child relationship is a complicated bond that requires a
lot of work like any other relationship. Parental self-confidence is important for the
way the child is raised. Cultural impact and the position of the child in the family
affect the life of the child from very early on in its life. The quality of the attachment
between the child and the parent/caregiver also can affect the child's life and the
children that have secure attachments grow up to be more healthy and they are calm,
understood and secure, and that gives the 'secure' children the best foundation in life.
An insecure attachment fails to meet the child's needs and that affects the emotional,
mental and physical development of the child as well as the relationships formed later
on life. It is also natural for a relationship to change and evolve, and the parent-child
bond changes when the child reaches adolescence which is a very stressful experience
for both parties because of the changes that happen with the child - how it grows, the
decisions it starts to make and the life he or she chooses to live.
The book series 'The Heroes of Olympus' gives a wide variety of different
parent-child relationships and shows the outcomes from those relationships. If we
look beneath the surface we can see that the very bond between the parent/caregiver
and the child can define the outcome of life and death situations.
Works Cited
Baumrind, D., Effective parenting during the early adolescent
transition. In P.A Cowan & Em. Hetherington
Laurson, B., Conflict and social interaction in adolescent
relationships. Journal of research on adolescence, 11(1) , 1-19
Riordan, R., The Heroes of Olympus
Riordan, R. , The Blood of Olympus
Steinberg, L & Morris, A.S. , Adolescent development. Annual
Review of Psychology 52, 83-110
http://www.actforyouth.net/resources/rf/rf_parent_0302.cfm http://camphalfblood.wikia.com/wiki/Jason_Grace http://camphalfblood.wikia.com/wiki/Hazel_Levesque http://camphalfblood.wikia.com/wiki/Piper_McLean http://camphalfblood.wikia.com/wiki/Leo_Valdez http://camphalfblood.wikia.com/wiki/Percy_Jackson http://camphalfblood.wikia.com/wiki/Frank_Zhang http://camphalfblood.wikia.com/wiki/Annabeth_Chase https://childandfamilypolicy.duke.edu/pdfs/pubpres/
SupportingHealthyRelationships.pdf http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/
attachment01.htm