The Juggling Act – Drs. Ollie & Toni Barnes · Heart of Marriage Retreat: “The Juggling Act” Drs. Ollie & Toni Barnes Click to edit Master title styleA Little About Our Story

The Juggling Act

Drs. Ollie & Toni Barnes

The Heart Of Marriage Retreat“Contains Confidential, Proprietary, or Privileged Information Exempt from Public Disclosure.”

Heart of Marriage Retreat: “The Juggling Act” Drs. Ollie & Toni Barnes

Click to edit Master title style

This document and any attached materials are the sole property of Drs. Ollie and Toni Barnes and are not to be disseminated, distributed, or otherwise reproduced without the express written permission to do so.

PROPRIETARY STATEMENT



Individually Record Your Reaction To Each Clip

Please don’t share your reaction with your partner

“We Are On Our Way”Notes

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Video Ice Breaker Page 3

“Contains Confidential, Proprietary, or Privileged Information Exempt from Public Disclosure.”


Click to edit Master title styleMovie Clip Debrief





“We’re on Vacation”Notes

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Click to edit Master title styleWorkshop Description

In this workshop the facilitators will give couples tools, tips, and strategies to juggle the seemingly infinite

demands of marriage, family, career and ministry in the finite amount of time available.



Click to edit Master title styleA Little About Our Story

BiographyDr. Toni Woolfork-Barnes

▪ Attended Western Michigan University▪ BA in Applied Behavior Analysis Psychology▪ MA Industrial/Organizational Psychology▪ Doctorate in in Educational Leadership▪ Director of Osher Lifelong learning Western

Michigan University▪ Member of Delta Sigma Theta, Sorority Inc.

BiographyDr. Ollie G. Barnes

▪ Attended Western Michigan University▪ BA in Applied Behavior Analysis Psychology▪ MA Clinical Psychology▪ Doctorate Clinical/Organizational Psychology▪ Sr. Director of Global Learning and Development (Retired

Pfizer Inc.)▪ Member of Kappa Alpha Psi, Fraternity Inc.

▪ Married 28 Years▪ Son Ollie G. Barnes IV ▪ Graduate of Morehouse College

▪ Members of Mt. Zion Baptist Church▪ Ministries Include:▪ Christian Education & Photography

Ministry



Click to edit Master title styleToday’s Objectives

Assess how well couples are juggling their life demands while building/maintaining a strong martial relationship

Share and discuss with other couples some of the challenges and ways to address them

Learn about healthy tips and strategies that support God’s plan for marriages

Establish personal plans that can be used to ensure the marriage is on the front burner and not the back burner



Click to edit Master title styleMaximizing Your Experience

▪ Actively participate, “LEAN IN”

▪ Have an open mindset

▪ As much as possible, openly share

experiences that might help other couples

▪ Honor confidentiality

▪ Turn off electronics

How to maximize your experience over the next 90 minutes



Click to edit Master title styleRelationship Engagement Survey Page 10

▪Please take 7 minutes to complete the following Relationship Engagement Survey

▪Complete the survey independently

▪Once completed we will share the scoring scale

▪Take 5 minutes to discuss your results with your partner

▪Group Debrief to follow“Contains Confidential, Proprietary, or Privileged Information Exempt from Public Disclosure.”


Click to edit Master title styleSample Survey Questions



How many hours are you spending per week as a couple?

1-5 hours as a couple

AHHHHH. Marriages, like everything else in life take time to grow and blossom and thrive. Yours isn't getting the time it

needs!!! How can you shift around your schedules and priorities to give your marriage a fighting chance?

Really, we mean it. Give your marriage a boost by finding some way to spend 10 hours together next week and see what

happens.

6 - 9 hours

Hmm. Well, your marriage may be able to limp along like this for a while. However, this isn’t enough time for a marriage to

really thrive. It’s time to re-think your priorities.

Really, we mean it. Give your marriage a boost by finding a way to spend 10 hours together next week and see what happens.

10 or more hours

YES! YAY! You’ve got it. Marriages do best with at least 10 hours of consistent time together as a couple. Folding laundry

together counts. Enjoying a sit-com or two counts. Taking a walk counts. Sitting together and watching the kids play (as long as

you're not the one playing with the kids) counts. Dinner or tea or a nice glass of wine together all count. Keep up the great

work!

How did you do? Survey Outcome

11

Heart of Marriage Retreat: “The Juggling Act”Drs. Ollie and Toni Barnes 11





“Happy Birthday”Notes

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Click to edit Master title styleVideo Debrief

Type KAHOOTS In your internet browser

Click on Play KahootsEnter Game Pin Here 1

1

2

3INSERT



Click to edit Master title styleRelationship Rule Book

Relationship rules are a set of principles, guidelines and

standards of behavior based on the couple's beliefs. Relationship Rules are created to help married

couples govern and navigate challenges that occur in the

relationship.Barnes 1991



Click to edit Master title styleRelationship Engagement Rules 1

Potential Impact:o Helps the couples to be evenly yoked

RULE: Set rules based on God’s command – maintain consistent

times to pray together

❑Attend Church Together

❑Set time to pray together

❑Consult the Bible for all issues




Potential Impact:o By obeying your own rules, mistrust does

not get introduced into the relationship

RULE: Obey your rules

❑Don’t change rules based on convenience

❑Don’t ignore rules that you set as a couple




Potential Impact:The message you send your partner is that nothing or no one comes before you!

RULE: Be intentional about making time for each other

❑Don’t make spending time together an afterthought

❑Don’t JUST squeeze in a minute or two

❑Make your time nonnegotiable




Potential Impact:▪ Your partner feels loved and cared for▪ May motivate your partner to be thoughtful

RULE: Be thoughtful

❑Make time to do small favors for each other

❑Leave notes for each other in fun places (mirror, coat pocket, suitcase)




Potential Impact:Reminds you that your partner is more than just your roommate, but still your lover… Hey!

RULE: Schedule weekly dates

❑Carve out time to do fun activities without children…i.e. Movies, Workout, Overnight get-aways, Concerts, Try new activities




Potential Impact:Simple check in allows your partner to remain in touch with day to day emotional ups and down

RULE: Schedule time to connect and visit daily

❑Don’t let a day go by without connecting

❑Leverage technology, phone, facetime, Skype, watching a television show




Potential Impact:Things get done and no one partner feels overloaded or overwhelmed

RULE: Share the workload

❑Share household chores❑Don’t subscribe to traditional roles

unless agreed on




Potential Impact:Couples are more likely to continue to build a deeper relationship without a third party

RULE: Set rules about how to use technology

❑Don’t allow mobile devices to replace conversation with your partner

❑Set real parameters regarding the use of all technology in your home




Potential Impact:Avoids confusion and frustrationEnsures couples are on the same page

RULE: Actively overly communicate

❑Use a simple technology, Outlook, wall calendars, white boards etc…

❑Track all dates, travel and activities




Potential Impact:By not over burdening your family calendar, allows you to honor your rules

RULE: Learn how to say no

❑ Your family/relationship is your first ministry

❑Don’t allow others to overuse your time




Potential Impact:Laughter reduces stress and will allow the couple to continue to enjoy the relationship

RULE: Don’t forget how to have fun as a couple.

❑Remember to laugh daily! ❑Make time to be a little silly!❑Don’t allow the outside world to steal

the JOY God has given us!

Psalms 126:2 Then our mouths were filled with laughter..




RULE: Establish fight fair rules

❑ Set rules that govern out of bound behaviors (Swearing, Violence, Name calling)

❑ Be sure to include timeout and cool down times

❑ No warehousing of issues or passive aggressive behaviors!

Potential Impact:Fair fighting rules ensures respect is maintained “Contains Confidential, Proprietary, or Privileged Information Exempt from Public Disclosure.”


Click to edit Master title styleLet’s Get Personal

7. Have rules about using technology

▪ STEP 1: Each couple locate a flipchart on the wall…using your survey results from earlier – discuss with your partner any scheduling challenges you are facing.

▪ STEP 2: On your flip chart create a plan for working through your own relationship challenges add any additional relationship rules that need to be added to your rule book.

▪ STEP 3: Partner with another couple to share your challenge and plan

Exercise:



Click to edit Master title styleActivity Debrief

▪ Share your plan!▪ What did you learn?





Thank You

Documents

The Juggling Act – Drs. Ollie & Toni Barnes · Heart of Marriage Retreat: “The Juggling Act” Drs. Ollie & Toni Barnes Click to edit Master title styleA Little About Our Story