The Kindness of Mothers: Ideals and Practice of Buddhist Filial Piety

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Journal of Aging and Identity [jai] PH067-345382 August 9, 2001 13:35 Style file version Nov. 19th, 1999

Journal of Aging and Identity, Vol. 6, No. 3, September 2001 (c© 2001)

The Kindness of Mothers: Ideals and Practiceof Buddhist Filial Piety

Kyu-taik Sung1,2

This article introduces a Buddhist Sutra about filial piety. The Sutra has been widelyrecited, upheld, and endeared by East Asian people for centuries. It teaches theimportance of understanding parents’ kindnesses, particularly the mother’s, andrepaying their kindnesses. It explains the difficulty of repaying parents’ kindnesses,unfilial behaviors of children, the mystical hell into which unfilial children aredoomed to fall, and the way in which they can repay their parents’ kindnesses. Themother (woman), aging, and related issues in Buddhism are discussed.

KEY WORDS: mother’s kindnesses; filial piety; Buddhist Sutra of Filial Piety; aging in Buddhism.

INTRODUCTION

The people of East Asia have a notable tradition of filial piety. The Chinese,Japanese, and Koreans have shared this tradition for generations (Kong, 1995;Takahashi, 1995; Lew, 1995). Filial piety essentially directs offspring to rec-ognize the care and aid received from their parents and, in return, to respectand care for them. Thus, repayment is an important part of filial piety (Sung,1995).

Buddhism is a major system of religious practice that has greatly influencedthe moral aspect of parent and child relationships in East Asia (de Bary & Bloom,1999; Singhal, 1984). Along with Confucianism, Buddhism has taught the Asianpeople to practice filial piety by stressing the importance of the kindness of parents,particularly that of a mother (Michihata, 1994).

Parents are likened to Brahma, Buddhist monks, and teachers of old. Buddhistliterature gives the following reason why parents are given such respectful titles

1Kyu-taik Sung, School of Social Work, University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA.2Correspondence should be directed to Kyu-taik Sung, School of Social Work & E.P. AndrusGerontology Center, University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA 90089-0411.

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(Coomaraswamy & Horner, 1982).

Parents are called “Brahma,” “teachers of old.” Worthy of gifts are they, compassionate untotheir tribe of children. Thus the wise should worship them and pay them honors due, servethem with food and drink, clothing and beds, anoint their bodies, bathe and wash their feet.For service such as this to parents given in this life sages praise a man, and he hereafter hasreward of joy in heaven. (p. 113)

In Buddhism, by practicing filial piety for parents, one can repay the graceof the Buddha (Michihata, 1994; Chung, 1988). Thus, the understanding of thekindness of parents is the start of learning Buddhism.

The importance of repaying parents’ kindnesses is prescribed inThe Sutraabout the Deep Kindness of Parents and the Difficulty of Repaying It, commonlycalled Filial Piety Sutra, hereafter called the Sutra, a discourse of the Buddha(Nicholson, 2000).

The Sutra extols the mother’s profound and boundless kindnesses. It describesthe sacrifice the mother makes for her child until the end of her life. The Sutrapresents probably the most touching descriptions of the mother’s kindnesses thatone can find in literature.

The Sutra has existed since the Sui and T’ang dynasties (589–906) in China(Zuerchuer, 1987). It has been treasured in much of the Far East, including Koreaand Japan, with an obvious emphasis on the importance of filial piety.

The purpose of this article is to introduce the Sutra—the discourses about themother’s kindnesses and the difficulty of repaying it, the unfiliality of children,the mythical scene of a hell into which unfilial children are to fall, and the wayof repaying her kindnesses. It discusses the issue of mothers (women) and thegerontological implications of the discourses.

THE MOTHER (WOMAN) IN THE SUTRA

In Buddhism, the mother is treated with the status of wisdom and practice(Tsomo, 1988) and characterized by archetypal traits such as devotion, compassion,and self-sacrifice. In the Buddhist culture motherhood remains the most honoredphase of a woman’s life (Murcott, 1991). The discourses in the Sutra reflect thisstatus and honor given to mothers.

The Sutra is unique in that it teaches the importance of parents’ kindnesses,particularly a mother’s. It prescribes in detail ten types of kindnesses that a motherbestows upon her children. The kindnesses are explained in terms of the mother’sundergoing physical and mental suffering (fear and anxiety while the child is inher womb and pain and exhaustion during and after the delivery of the baby),her joy at having the baby, her deep and indescribable love and affection towardher baby, her incessant desire for the child to feel full and to be healthy, herconcern over the child’s safety and well-being from dawn to dusk, and a kindness

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that doesn’t even begin to dissipate until after her life is over. The ten types ofkindnesses reflect the boundless, unconditional, and selfless love a mother feelsfor her child.

The background of the discourses reflects the life of a common, poor motherwho possesses minimal things for her daily living. It depicts clearly maternalkindness that is universal and unchanging regardless of the mother’s social statusor walk of life.

Mother needs to be understood in relation to the place accorded to women inthe Buddhist religion. The Brahman Vaisista shows the regard the woman shouldachieve as a mother: “The teacher is ten times more venerable than the assistantteacher, the father is a hundred times more than the teacher, and the mother athousand times more than the father” (Murcott, 1991, p. 74).

Throughout its history, Buddhism has rejected any distinction between menand women in regard to the attainment of enlightenment (Scovill, 1995; de Silva,1988)—a fundamental change in one’s conscious perception of the world throughwhich one attains liberation from the continuous cycle of birth, death, and rebirth(Nakasone, 1990; Tsomo, 1988).

Central to Buddhism is the insistence that all humans regardless of genderor social status are capable of attaining enlightenment (Scovill, 1995; Plesbish,1993). The Mahayana, to which the majority of Buddhist schools in East Asiabelong, entertained a positive attitude toward the role of women (de Silva, 1988;Tsomo, 1988). Mahayana texts include stories of married men and women whoare highly advanced in their attempts to reach enlightenment as well as stories offemale bodhisattva, one who has reached enlightenment (Scovill, 1995).

This is in contrast to Confucianism’s central theme of the father-son relation-ship. It is not surprising that women were relegated to a secondary place and weredenied full access to Confucian rituals.

The relation between the sexes that emerges in the Buddhist writings isbased on the principle of reciprocity and non-dominance. The egalitarian coreof Buddhism extends to social roles (de Silva, 1988; Scovill, 1995). The Sutrareflects spiritual humanity and social equality with which women are treated inBuddhism.

THE SUTRA ABOUT FILIAL PIETY

The Sutra consists of five parts. The first explains the kindnesses of a mother,the second describes the difficulty of repaying her kindness, the third is a discourseon unfilial children, the fourth explains the hell into which unfilial children willfall, and the fifth teaches the Buddhist way of repaying the mother’s kindnesses.The discourses proceed in the form of dyadic communication between the Buddhaand Ananda, his chief disciple.

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The following are excerpts from the five parts of the Sutra:

The Kindness of the Mother

The Buddha explained to Ananda that there are ten types of kindnesses be-stowed by a mother on her child. The following are discourses about the ten typesof her kindnesses.

TheFirst Kindness[italics added] is providing protection and care while the childis in the womb.The human birth is not easy to attain in the many countless lives of rebirth. Itis easy that the child ends up in its mother’s womb, with karmic connectionwith its parents. As the months pass, the five vital organs gradually develop.Within seven weeks, the six sense organs start to grow. The mother’s burdenbecomes greater as the child grows. The movements of the fetus are likefrightening earthquakes and hurricanes in the mother. With her mind onlyon her child, the mother is too tired to make up. Her fine clothes are leftuntouched while her mirror gathers dust.

TheSecond Kindness[italics added] is bearing suffering during birth.The pregnancy lasts for ten months and culminates in difficult labor at theapproach of the birth. Meanwhile every morning, the mother feels ill, and sheis constantly drowsy and sluggish. Her fear and anxiety are beyond descrip-tion. Grief and tears fill her heart. She painfully tells her family that she isonly afraid that death will befall her baby.

TheThird Kindness[italics added] is forgetting all the pain once the child has beenborn.The day of the birth, the mother’s five organs all open wide, leaving her to-tally exhausted both physically and mentally. She faints several times andbleeds profusely, like a slaughtered lamb. Yet, after the ordeal, upon regain-ing consciousness, her first concern is the well-being of the child. Uponknowing the child’s well-being, she is overcome by redoubling joy. But afterthe initial joy, the physical pain returns and the agony wrenches her veryinsides.

TheFourth Kindness[italics added] is eating the bitter herself and saving the sweetfor the child.The kindness of parents is the most profound, deeper than the sea. Theircare and devotion never cease. Never resting or complaining, parental loveis indeed deep and indescribable. As long as their children get their fill,parents will rather go cold and hungry. As long as they are happy, parents aresatisfied.

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TheFifth Kindness[italics added] is moving the child to a dry place and lying inthe wet herself.Only wanting the child to feel full, the mother doesn’t speak of her own hunger.The mother is willing to be wet, so that the child can be dry. With her twobreasts she satisfies the child’s hunger and thirst, bringing it health. Coveringthe baby with her sleeve, she protects it from the wind and cold. So long as thechild is comfortable and happy, the kind mother seeks no solace for herself.

TheSixth Kindness[italics added] is suckling the child at her breast and nourishingand bringing up the child.The mother is like the great earth, supporting and nourishing the child’s life.The stern father is like the encompassing heaven that covers from above,while the mother supports from below. The kindnesses of all parents is thesame, which despises no offspring even when it is born ugly. It knows no ha-tred or anger. And they are not displeased, even if the child is born crippled.The parents care for and protect their children together until the end of theirdays, simply because they are their offspring. Such is the greatest of parentallove.

TheSeventh Kindness[italics added] is washing away the unclean.Originally, she had a pretty face and a beautiful body. Her spirit was strongand vibrant. Her eyebrows were like fresh green willows. And her complexionwould have put a red rose to shame. But her kindness is so deep she will forgoher beauty. Although constant washing away the filth of her children and tak-ing care of them injures her constitution, the kind mother acts solely for thesake of her sons and daughters without conditions, and willingly allows herbeauty to fade.

TheEighth Kindness[italics added] is always thinking of the child when she/hehas traveled afar.The death of loved ones is difficult to endure. But separation is painful as well,like when the child travels afar. The mother worries at home. From dawn tilldusk, her heart is always with her child, praying for an early return. Somechildren leave for years without a message while their aged parents wait dayand night, shedding a thousand tears. Like an old monkey, weeping silentlyin love for her child, bit by bit her heart is broken.

TheNinth Kindness[italics added] is deep care and devotion.How heavy is parental kindness and their emotional concern! Their kindnessis deep and difficult to repay just a fraction. Willingly, they wish to undergosuffering on their children’s behalf. If the child toils, the parents feel uncom-fortable. If they hear that he has traveled afar, they worry that at night hemight have to lie in the cold. Even a moment’s pain suffered by the childrenwill cause the parents sustained distress.

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TheTenth Kindness[italics added] is ultimate pity and sympathy.The kindness of parents is profound and important. Their tender concernnever ceases. From the moment they wake up each day, their thoughts arewith their children. Even if a mother has lived for a hundred years, she willstill worry about her eighty-year-old child! Do you wish to know when suchkindness and love ends? It doesn’t even begin to dissipate until her life isover (Nicholson, 2000, pp. 2–60).

The Mother’s Sacrifice for Her Child

The Sutra stresses the importance of a mother’s kindnesses by reiteratingthe care and aid the mother provided to her child and the sacrifice the motherpaid on behalf of her child during pregnancy and after delivery. The following arediscourses that clearly explain these aspects of the mother’s kindnesses.

The Buddha told Anada, “When I contemplate living beings, I see that although they areborn as human beings, nonetheless, they are stupid and dull in their thoughts and actions.They don’t consider their parents’ kindness and virtue. they are disrespectful and turn theirbacks on kindness and what is right. they lack humanness and are neither filial nor compliant.

For ten months while the mother is with child, she feels discomfort each time she rises,as if she were lifting a heavy burden.. . .Once the child is born, she saves what is sweetfor him and swallows what is bitter herself.. . .Parents continually instruct and guide theirchildren in the ways of propriety and morality as the youngsters mature into adults. Theyarrange marriages for them and provide them with property and wealth or devise ways toget it for them.. . .When a son or daughter becomes ill, parents are worried and afraid tothe point that they may even grow ill themselves. They remain by the child’s side providingconstant care, and only when the child gets well are the parents happy once again. In thisway, they care for and raise their children with the sustained hope that their off-spring willsoon grow to be mature adults (Nicholson, 2000, pp. 6–8).

Unfiliality and Consequence

The following excerpts explicate unfiliality of some children and the sceneof the hell into which unfilial children are doomed to fall after death.

How sad that all too often the children are unfilial in return! In speaking with relatives whomthey should honor, the children display no compliance. When they ought to be polite, theyhave no manners. They glare at those whom they should venerate, and insult their uncles andaunts. They scold their siblings and destroy any family feeling that might have existed amongthem. Children like that have no respect or sense of propriety.. . .As such children growup, they become more and more obstinate and uncontrollable.. . .The parents may growblind from weeping or become sick from extreme grief and despair. Constantly dwellingon the memory of their children, they may pass away, but even when they become ghosts,their souls still cling to this attachment and are unable to let it go.. . .The virtue of one’sparents’ kindness is boundless and limitless. If one has made the mistake of being unfilial,how diffiult it is to repay that kindness!

The Buddha told Ananda, “If a person is not filial, when his life ends and his bodydecays, he will fall in the Spaceless, Avici Hell. This great hell is eight thousand yojanas incircumference and is surrounded on all four sides by iron walls. Above, it is covered over

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by nets, and the ground is also made of iron. A mass of fire burns fiercely, while thunderroars and bright bolts of lightning set things afire. Molten brass and iron fluids are pouredover the offenders’ bodies. Brass dogs and iron snakes constantly spew out fire and smokewhich burns the offenders and broils their flesh and fat to a pulp.

Oh, such suffering! Difficult to take, difficult to bear! There are poles, hooks, spears,and lances, iron halberds and iron hammers, and iron awls. Wheels of iron knives raindown from the air. The offender is chopped, hacked, or stabbed, and undergoes these cruelpunishments for kalpas (rounds) without respite.

Then they enter the remaining hells, where their heads are capped with fiery basins,while iron wheels roll over their bodies, passing both horizontally and vertically until theirguts are ripped open and their bones and flesh are squashed to a pulp. Within a single day,they experience myriad births and myriad deaths. Such sufferings are a result of committingthe five rebellious acts and of being unfilial when one was alive (Nicholson, 2000, p. 9).

Difficulty of Repayment and Buddhist Way of Repayment

The following is one of several citations of difficulty in making repayment forthe kindnesses and an explanation of the Buddhist way of repaying the kindness.

If there were a person who carried his father on his left shoulder and his mother on hisright shoulder until his bones were ground to powder by their weight as they bore throughto the marrow, and if that person were to circumambulate Mount Sumeru for a hundredthousand kalpas until the blood that flowed out from his feet covered his ankles, that personwould still not have repayed the kindness of his parents. The Buddha said, “Disciples of theBuddha, if you wish to repay your parents’ kindness, write out this Sutra on their behalf.Recite this Sutra on their behalf. Repent of transgressions and offenses on their behalf. Forthe sake of our parents, make offerings to the Triple Jewel [The Buddha, Dharma (the bodyof knowledge), and The Sangha (the monastic community)]. For the sake of your parents,hold the precept of pure eating. For the sake of your parents, practice giving and cultivateblessings. If you are able to do these things, you are being a filial child. If you do not dothese things, you are a person destined for the hells (Nicholson, 2000, p. 9).

DISCUSSION

The Sutra extols the mother’s profound and boundless grace and stressesthe obligation of children to repay her kindnesses. The Buddha explains suffer-ings, agonies, and sacrifices that a mother endures in the course of her pregnancy,delivery, and raising a child. Her kindnesses range from providing the baby inher womb with protection and care to deep devotion and ultimate pity and sym-pathy for the child until her life ends. He said that the virtue of parents’ kind-nesses is boundless and limitless. A profound feeling of gratitude lies at the veryheart of the Buddha’s discourse. It makes people understand the importance ofparents’ kindnesses and enlightens them about their boundless and fathomlesskindnesses.

This Sutra became an important method of teaching common people in EastAsia and its teaching on the mother’s kindnesses in particular became deeply en-grained in their hearts. The Sutra (in the sixth kindness) says that the kindnesses of

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all parents—both mothers and fathers—are the same, although only the kindnessesof the mother is extolled. Both mother and father care for and protect their childrenuntil the end of their lives.

Requital of the kindnesses of parents is filial piety. The Sutra incisively pre-scribed that it is only right that children should provide aging parents with foodand drink of delicious flavors. Furthermore, as part of the requital of the parents’kindnesses, one has to protect the helpless parents of others as well. Thus, the issueof care and support for all parents—all elderly persons—is frontally addressed.

However, the Sutra explains how diffcult it is to repay the kindnesses by say-ing: “If a person were to circumambulate Mount Sumeru for a hundred thousandkalpas, that person would still not have repaid the kindness of his parents”(Nicholson, 2000, p. 8). In East Asia, people often quote this saying when theytalk about the greatness of parent’s grace.

In Confucian teachings, unfiliality is the worst crime a child could commit.In the Sutra, the gravity and severity of the consequences of unfiliality are evenmore sternly and punitively described in terms of a mystic hell where unfilialchildren would face torture, suffering, and the eventual karma in which they wouldbe transformed into beasts. This verson of unfiliality corresponds well with theConfucian ideal of filial piety.

The Buddha said, “If you wish to repay your parents’ kindness, write out thisSutra on their behalf. Repent of transgressions and offenses on their behalf. Forthe sake of your parents, practice giving and cultivate blessings. If you are able todo these things, you are a filial child” (Nicholson, 2000, pp. 8–9). Writing out theSutra means reading or reciting the Sutra, thereby having a better understandingof the parents’ kindnesses and the duty of repayment of that kindness.

According to Buddhist tradition (Pye, 1979; Schumann, 1989), Gautama issaid to have set out on the search for realization that led him to become the Buddha,the Enlightened One, after seeing four disturbing sights. The first of them was anold man in a decrepit condition from old age. That sight, which revealed to theinnocent Gautama the consequences of aging, was crucial. The next two, of asick man and a dead man, further developed the awareness of suffering that hadbeen awakened by the first sight. Then the fourth sight was the appearance of amonk that was received by Gautama as an alternative way to engage the limitedresources and possibilities of a human lifetime (Rinpoche, 1993; Kapleau, 1989).From that decisive experience of enlightenment (Robinson & Johnson, 1997), theBuddha set out to teach his new Dharma and to enlist disciples into a new monasticcommunity that was open to all who would follow its rules of discipleship (Dutt,1957; Nakasone, 1990). The incisive images of old age in terms of its most painfulprospects led the Buddha to the enlightenment and the liberation of all sentientbeings. Thus, aging became a fundamental issue in Buddhist tradition.

In Buddhism, the ways are oriented toward awakening persons to understandparents’ kindnesses and leading them to practice Dharma (Rinpoche, 1993). With

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material objects, one cannot repay all sentient beings. The objects will benefitsome of them for a short time in his life. In order to attain an enlightened state andthus be able to help all sentient beings, one needs to practice Dharma and meditate.It is to be done not only for relatives, but also for all other parents in this life andthe next life (Lancaster, 1995). Awareness of parents’ kindness is treated as onefacet of the larger issue of universal liberation.

This practice is based on the Buddhist understanding of karma. According tokarma, each person has been reborn an infinite number of times and each lifetimehas been determined and conditioned by past actions. Because past and futurerebirths are also numberless, a Buddhist can conclude that he/she has been in everypossible relationship with every other sentient being, and that every sentient beinghas been his/her mother, father, and best friend (Curtin & Curtin, 1994). The nextstep is to realize that one owes each sentient being a great debt of gratitude for pastkindnesses and, thinking in this way, one resolves to repay everyone (Nakasone,1990). Buddhists believe that the person best able to help others is a Buddha, afully enlightened being who has perfected wisdom and compassion to the highestdegree and who then uses his or her wisdom and supernatural powers to help others.

The Sutra is a graceful vehicle that awakens children to understand parents’kindnesses and benefits all mothers and all parents with the wisdom, compassion,and power of the Buddha.

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The Kindness of Mothers: Ideals and Practice of Buddhist Filial Piety