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THE LIFE LOVERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY A Life on Your Terms ELIZABETH SEDA

The Life Lovers Guide to the Galaxy

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  • THE LIFE LOVERS

    GUIDE TO THE GALAXY

    A Life on Your Terms

    ELIZABETH SEDA

  • Im going to tell you the secret to life.

    Right now.

    I will give away the ULTIMATE secret to the Universe, Life, and Everything on the first page of this guide.

    Ready? Ok here we go.

    What you get out of anything you do is based on how much you give.

    Thats it.

    Its damn simple. Why do I need to tell you how to use this guide?

    Do I really need to tell you to read it and then take action? Are you that far removed from the world that you dont know that you are supposed to read this guide for it to be of any purpose to you in life?

    Must I tell you that for it to be of any purpose, you have to take this information and put it to use?

    It doesnt matter much what you use it for, as long as youre making a conscious choice.

    I want you to use and abuse the heck out of this guide until it pleads for you to put it down and have a rest.

    And even then I dont want you to put it down. This sucker is strong. It can take a lot of use.

    Do one Dirty Challenge every week.

    Pick one Dirty Challenge and commit to it for life.

    Follow all of the actions items.

    Purposely choose to follow none of the action items.

    Commit to doing the very opposite of what I tell you because you whole-heartedly disagree with my advice.

    Email me and tell me you hate me.

    Email me and tell me you love me.

    Do something for the love of the Goddess.

    Print it out and burn it or print it out and plaster it to your wall.

    Email it to a friend. Fax it to a family member. Snail mail it to a stranger. Put it inside of a bottle and throw it in the ocean.

    You may even use it as toilet paper, although I dont recom-mend that because its bad karma.

    My point is that I want you to have a response. Have a con-scious opinion and act on that opinion.

    Can you do that? Have an opinion about it and act on that opinion. If you do that, then youll be galaxies ahead of 95% of the population.

    And that, my friend, is worth everything to me.

    i

    HOW TO USE THIS GUIDE

  • Chapter 1

    I wasn't born into a unique family of individual thinkers

    and innovators.

    There were defining experiences in my life that led me to

    realize that there had to be another way. Some of these

    moments are funny. Some of them are sad. Some are

    empowering.

    The common thread between all of them is that they all

    taught me that I could decide the course of my life. They

    taught me that I didn't need anyone telling me how to

    live or what to live for.

    If you are looking for some powerful true tales that will

    get you up and motivated to live life on your own terms,

    this story is for you.

    9 DIRTY SECRETS

  • Circumstances mean little.

    I was born in the Bronx, NY in the mid-80s.

    For all intents and purposes I was a lost cause. I went to public

    school 1 (PS1) and I lived in a project called 'The Smith.'

    I used to have to walk to the laundry mat by myself because we

    didn't have any money to pay for a dryer and people would let

    me use the dryers for free because I was a kid.

    I ate Macaroni and Cheese and Spam for months straight.

    I nearly died when a brick went through the window of my

    bedroom and almost landed on my head while I was in my crib.

    3

    DIRTY SECRET #1

    I was born a poor kid in the Bronx, NY with no

    hope for the future.

  • I should be pregnant, in a gang, in jail, on welfare, or dead

    by now.

    But I'm not.

    My mother decided to take life by the balls and get us the

    hell out of there.

    One day, when walking to school with my brother, there was

    a shoot out between a criminal and the NYPD.

    We were tackled by a complete stranger. A homeless man no-

    less. At first I started fighting until I heard the bullets flying

    by my ear.

    One nearly grazed my younger brother's face.

    I told my mom about it when I got back from school. Two

    weeks later we were on a plane to Florida with absolutely

    nothing to our names other than $1000 and the will to

    survive.

    Survive we did.

    Circumstances do not define your life.

    You do not make lemonade when life hands you

    lemons. You chuck the lemons the F back and grab some

    watermelon or whatever fruit you're interested in.

    That's what we did.

    I learned much later that this was my mothers way of living a life

    on her own terms.

    Instead of accepting the environment we'd been brought

    into, we changed it. My mother has 10 brothers and

    sisters and they all still live in the same

    environment. Theyre having kids and subjecting them to

    the same neighborhoods, crime, and poor education that

    they had.

    I'm one of the only members of my family to graduate from

    high school.

    I have more than 30 second cousins.

    This is because my mother said NO. She said NO to the

    circumstances we were living in and she fought for a better

    way.

    4

  • That's why I'm not pregnant, in a gang, in jail, on welfare, or

    dead.

    Because she took control of our lives.

    She chose a better way.

    Dirty Challenge #1

    Id like you to identify one way youre letting your

    environment determine the course of your life.

    Sometimes its explicit. For example, youre poor, or

    uneducated, or you have terrible parents, and you attribute

    your inability to succeed on these external forces.

    However, sometimes its implicit in your behavior.

    This happens when a limiting belief becomes so ingrained

    into your subconscious that you hold yourself back without

    even knowing it.

    For example, can you think of the last time you didnt try

    something because you knew it to be impossible for you?

    Maybe you dont have enough money, or the economy isnt

    right, or you have responsibilities, or you live in a place non-

    conducive to whatever it is you want to do.

    You may give up there, without even trying, without even

    considering the possibility that maybe, just maybe, youre

    using your environment as an out.

    Take stock of your life and ask yourself some hard questions:

    What limiting beliefs do you hold about your environment

    that prevent you from living your best, most fulfilled life?

    Have you been blaming external influences on your failure to

    live up to the person you thought youd be?

    Are you excusing other peoples actions because of their

    environment?

    Do you take comfort in the thought that youll never be able

    to do what you want, and theres nothing you can do about

    it?

    Do you truly believe that youre the only one in your

    environment? Do you think that no one has ever been in your

    situation and has gone on to live a fulfilled life?

    5

  • Be honest. If possible, have someone close to you check your

    answers. Someone brave enough to stand up to you when

    you start deflecting or becoming defensive. Someone who

    cares enough about you to give you grief.

    If you dont have someone like that in your life, then call me.

    I may not know you, but I sure do know how to give people

    grief.

    You wont be disappointed.

    6

  • I started high school with the right intentions.

    I was accepted into a 'medical magnet' program which meant

    that when I graduated, I would be an assistant nurse or some-

    thing like that.

    I got good grades and everything seemed to be right on track un-

    til I hit sophomore year.

    I may or may not have gotten caught up with the wrong crowd,

    but regardless, I started skipping school and showing up only for

    the tests.

    7

    DIRTY SECRET #2

    I got into an elite private university without a

    high-school diploma or standardized testing.

  • Although I got an A every single time, I was kicked out of the

    program due to absences.

    They kicked me out with a 3.68 GPA over a technicality.

    That was my first warning bell. The warning bell that

    started a lifelong quest of purposeful and logical rebellion no

    matter the cause.

    It didn't make sense to me.

    Why should I waste my time there when I absorbed informa-

    tion more quickly than my classmates? Why was I being pun-

    ished for being great?

    I understand now that not all students are as passionate

    about learning as I was and I was setting a bad example.

    No one explained this to me. They said 'just because' or

    'those are the rules.' They called me willful. They sent me

    on my way.

    There was nothing I could do about it. I was sent to my

    zoned school which was in the ghetto.

    The good news was that I was born in the Bronx, NY so I

    know how to handle myself.

    The bad news is that I was born in the Bronx, NY so I know

    what happens when you have the reputation for backing

    down and being weak.

    Long story short, I got beat up nearly every week for

    one thing or another.

    Someone's boyfriend looked at me. I rolled my eyes at some-

    thing someone said. I wore a certain color on the wrong day

    of the week.

    I never backed down, but I was getting tired of getting my

    ass kicked.

    These kids didn't give a crap about their education so suspen-

    sion and expulsion meant nothing to them; and I was sent

    there because I had a tendency to get A's too easily.

    I decided that it wasn't worth spending the rest of my life as a

    punching bag.

    8

  • I decided right there and then that there was an-

    other way.

    I didn't have to go through high school like everyone else 'just

    because.' If I wasn't getting something out of it then I wasn't

    doing it. Period.

    From that day on I decided that there was always another

    way. It doesnt matter what the situation, or who you are.

    Theres always another way.

    I finished high school on my terms.

    I got my GED and I went directly to Community College at

    the age of 16.

    My life. My terms.

    Dirty Challenge #2

    When was the last time you considered the alternative?

    Dont say that you dont have an alternative, because you do.

    You always have a choice.

    Im not asking you to tell me how hard that choice is, Im ask-

    ing you to tell me when was the last time you sucked it up

    and actually thought about the choice you were making.

    Im talking about the choice you make to not consider the al-

    ternatives.

    The choice you make to be defeated.

    The choice to stay down when you fall down.

    When was the last time you actively explored other possibili-

    ties?

    How many times have you rejected your lot in life instead of

    accepting it?

    Do you put your head down and take it, or do you stand up

    and fight?

    Why is there only one right path?

    Why is the path you were taught to take the best path for

    you?

    Why, why, why.

    9

  • Yea I went to college.

    AFTER I went to community college and got an associates in

    Humanities and Piano.

    AFTER I got my bartending license and bartended for a year.

    I applied to the University of Miami College of Engineering on

    a whim one day while I was at work (at the time I worked in a

    kennel taking care of rescued greyhounds).

    I had never taken an SAT.

    10

    DIRTY SECRET #3

    I graduated from college with a GPA of 1.99 and

    still got a job at a Fortune 500 company

    during a recession.

  • I didn't even have a high school diploma.

    Most people wouldn't have even bothered.

    But Im not most people.

    I already knew that there was something about this life we

    live in that wasn't as impenetrable as people said it was.

    I got a $25,000 scholarship into the College of Engineering

    and chose a duel degree of Mechanical and Biomedical

    Engineering.

    At the time I thought it was a gift.

    A sign of some sort that I better straighten out my

    unconventional ways if I want to succeed.

    This was my second chance for redemption!

    I went to college with the mindset of getting the best grades

    EVER so that I could go to NASA and work on epic space

    suits or something.

    That lasted about a year until I realized that college wasn't

    about getting grades at all!

    It wasn't even about learning the material.

    I decided that college was about learning how to

    think and how to lead and initiate change.

    That's what I did.

    I did just enough school work to get by and the rest of the

    time I threw myself into extracurricular activities and talking

    teachers into doing things like having pizza Fridays or getting

    the President to let us run some major event on campus that

    would shut classes down for days.

    I pushed it to the limit because I knew college was the only

    opportunity I had to do stuff like this without any real

    consequences.

    I honed my skills for bootstrapping, improvising,

    bullshitting, and leading.

    When graduation day came, I was somewhat of a campus

    legend (notoriously). I was also one out of 5 of the people in

    my entire graduating class with a job; and not just any job.

    11

  • I was offered a top notch Process Engineering job at huge

    company.

    Let me repeat that again.

    I am a puerto rican girl who was born poor, in the

    bronx, got kicked out of high school, got her GED,

    never took a standardized test, blew off college

    classes, barely scraped by with my grades and I

    STILL got offered the best job any graduate could

    possibly want.

    Did I mention it was right in the middle of the recession?

    Never think that anything in life is prescribed. It isn't.

    Every rule is negotiable. Nothing is set

    in stone.

    You shape the world that you live in.

    You are the creator of your own reality. What you see and

    what you believe is what exists for you. If you dont see

    obstacles and if you dont believe in barriers, then there

    wont be any.

    Dirty Challenge #3

    Next time you encounter a barrier, no matter how small, I

    challenge you to not accept that barrier and look for another

    way.

    I challenge you to see detours instead of barriers.

    I challenge you to exchange permanent defeat for temporary

    failure.

    Next time someone says it cant be done, make it happen.

    Im not just talking about finding other ways. Im talking

    about actually believing that the impossible is possible and

    that somehow, someway, you will succeed.

    Believe that there are no alternatives to seek because success

    is already yours.

    Do what you can with what you have, then do a little more

    with what youll earn.

    12

  • I struggled a lot with this topic. I didn't know if it was too much

    information or what.

    In the end I decided to put it in, and the response from readers

    has been incredible. My honestly has set me apart from my

    peers and has offered support and encouragement to anyone

    who things that success comes to those who arent damaged.

    Its ok to be a little damaged. As long as you refuse to be broken.

    At 15 years old I became bulimic.

    I wanted to be thin.

    I wanted to be pretty.

    13

    DIRTY SECRET #4

    I almost died from an eating disorder I

    suffered from for 5 years.

  • I wanted to be popular.

    I didnt care what the cost was. I didnt care how much it

    hurt, how tired and sick I got, whether or not I had heart

    failure or whether or not I lived past 30.

    I wanted to be wanted, and I thought that external validation

    would bring me inner peace and confidence.

    I swore that once I was thin I would stop.

    It turns out that you can't just quit being bulimic.

    I was so preoccupied with living up to some set of standards

    arbitrarily created by a mass of nameless, faceless people that

    I thought it was worth killing myself slowly to attain these

    standards.

    I have been symptom free since the age of 20(1).

    That's when I began to realize the more I disappeared on the

    outside, the less human I was on the inside.

    Imagine how much you have to hate yourself to convince

    your mind that starving was a good way to lose weight.

    The more I starved, the more I hated, until I hated my eating

    disorder so much I wanted to die.

    It was an addiction.

    When I realized that I was addicted, I was able to separate

    my sense of self from my eating disorder.

    No longer would it control me. I would control it.

    I took control of my life and started setting my own terms.

    I began to understand my motivations and why they were so

    different from everyone else's.

    I started to not care that I was unconventional, had hips, and

    was so extraverted that I scared people. I didnt need to

    contain myself.

    Although I will never not be bulimic, I know that I will

    always be symptom free because I decided to wake up and

    understand myself and my life.

    With that understanding I've been able to build a life around

    my own terms rather than rely on someone else's terms.

    14

  • Dirty Challenge #4

    Where do you get your self esteem from? Is it from external

    validation, or is it from inner confidence.

    Putting your sense of worth on external sources is dangerous.

    You have no control over many of these sources, and as they

    change, your sense of self-worth decreases.

    Do you rely on your own judgements for self-worth?

    15

  • When your job has stressed you out so much that you end up los-

    ing an organ from it, that's when you know that there is some-

    thing seriously wrong with the world in which we live in.

    The stress that came from the job wasn't about the workload or

    the difficulty (although both were very high).

    The stress came from oppression and the pressure to conform

    and I just couldn't.

    16

    DIRTY SECRET #5

    I lost an organ because my company wanted me to go against my DNA

    and conform to their way of thinking.

  • They would warn me that I wouldn't make it if I didn't con-

    form to company expectations; but it didn't matter.

    I tried so hard. I tried playing the politics game. I tried suck-

    ing up and making pretty pictures for management.

    I just didn't have it in me.

    In the end I was so stressed out from all of the negative politi-

    cal feedback I was getting that I was having stomach pains

    every day to the point where I couldn't even sleep.

    I decided to just give up. I hated it and I was glad to let it go.

    So then I did what any normal person does. I put in two

    weeks and immediately scheduled all of the doctors appoint-

    ments I could before losing my insurance.

    One of these doctors appointments led to a shock-

    ing discovery: a huge cyst on my ovary that might be

    cancerous.

    They said because of my age at the time (23) it was stress in-

    duced.

    I was floored.

    The pains in my stomach were from stress like I thought. I

    did not think, however, that I was developing a cancerous

    cyst.

    It was so bad that before surgery my doctor told me

    that she might not be able to save any of my repro-

    ductive system.

    She couldn't know for sure what they were dealing with until

    she went in there and poked around, but if it was indeed can-

    cer I would have to have a hysterectomy.

    If it wasn't cancer then she would try to remove just the cyst.

    If the cyst had already caused too much damage to my or-

    gan, she'd have to take out the entire ovary and fallopian

    tube.

    I went under the knife without knowing how it would turn

    out. When I woke up, my first thought was 'can I make ba-

    bies still?!'

    It wasn't cancer, but they did have to remove half of my re-

    productive system. That's when I asked myself whether or

    17

  • not I would have taken that job if I knew the price would be

    one of my organs.

    Chances are, I would have said no.

    I will never ever let anyone put me under that kind of stress

    ever again. I am not going to try to live according to some-

    one else's terms when it puts my health in danger. It's not

    worth it.

    That's how bad it can get if you are a free spirit and not true

    to yourself.

    I promised myself from that day forward that I would life my

    life my way. Living my life someone else's way nearly ruined

    me.

    Dirty Challenge #5

    Do you have a job that puts you under an inordinate amount

    of stress? What about a family member, or a friend?

    Dont think for a second that there is no connection between

    the mind and the body. I know first hand how close that con-

    nection really is.

    When your mind continues to put the body under so much

    stress, and you ignore the warning signs (such as anxiety, in-

    somnia, irritability, fatigue, etc) it takes matters into its own

    hands.

    You will pay the price for disowning the needs of your body.

    It may not be in the form of an ovarian cyst. It may not even

    be identifiable.

    It may just come in the shortening of your life, or the pres-

    ence of a disease later in life.

    Nothing that youre doing right now is worth sacrificing your

    health.

    Ask yourself if you would be willing to give a part of a major

    organ for what youre doing right now.

    Ask yourself if youd be willing to give a few years of your

    life. Bargain with yourself and sound how ridiculous it is.

    Which organ? How many years, give or take?

    Would you entertain such a discussion with an employer or

    with a person?

    18

  • If you've read the previous points, you will know that I do not

    come from a family of prestige.

    I come from a very humble background. Most of my family

    can't fathom leaving NYC, let alone the country.

    Nevertheless I was determined to travel the world.

    19

    DIRTY SECRET #6

    I went to Europe when I was 18 without any money, without any exposure to travel,

    without any idea of what I was doing.

  • I had just finished my freshman year of college and all of my

    friends were going on trips and leaving the country and I

    thought, "If only I had the means to do that.

    Well I won't go into details, just in case, BUT I managed to

    do a little bit of hocus pocus with my student loans (again, I

    will not divulge the details just in case it was not 100% legit)

    and all of a sudden I had an extra $2000.

    That wasn't enough to do what I wanted to do, but it was

    enough to buy a plane ticket and make some hostel reserva-

    tions. I knew that if I bought the ticket, there would be no go-

    ing back.

    So what did I do?

    I bought the damn ticket!

    Once it became a reality, I did some more hocus pocus with

    my student loans and managed to travel in Europe for two

    weeks on my own.

    No borrowing money from my parents.

    All me.

    Dirty Challenge #6

    Who says you have to have a lot of money to go to Europe?

    Who says you can't go to europe by yourself when you are 18

    years old and broke and know nothing about the world yet?

    Im not saying to get yourself in debt. Thats the last thing

    Im advocating.

    What Im saying is that you should never be afraid to do

    something just because you dont know.

    Be spontaneous. Figure it out on the way.

    Dont try to know everything. Planning is great and every-

    thing, but theres nothing more fun than winging it.

    When was the last time you did something spontaneous with

    no real plan?

    Do it and let me know how it goes. Whats the worst that can

    happen?

    Anything short of financial destruction or death is a victory.

    Because everything else because just a great story to tell.

    20

  • Ever since I can remember I've been extremely resentful of any-

    one telling me to do anything.

    The minute something is demanded of me I will instinctively try

    to avoid doing it. There's something about it that's always made

    me extremely anxious.

    That's probably why I've had so many jobs. I've never held a job

    for more than a year.

    Whether it was working at Quiznos when I was 15 or working at

    Fortune 500 company when I was 23, I could never last more

    than a year.

    21

    DIRTY SECRET #7

    I was born with an intense adverse reaction whenever I am told to do

    something.

  • It's because I have an intense desire to be able to do what I

    want to do, when I want to do it.

    I resent anything that restrains me from that.

    I can't tell you how many times I've quit jobs because it inter-

    fered with something important to me.

    I just didn't show up ever again.

    I stopped showing up to high school when I started getting

    nothing out of it and it turned into just a mindless obligation.

    All of these irresponsible acts stem from the fact that I abso-

    lutely hate being told what to do and when to do it without a

    really good reason that I believe in.

    I dont follow laws that I reason to be ridiculous.

    I dont obey rules that have no meaning.

    Even when it is a task that I enjoy, I'm still resistant to do it

    when someone mandates it.

    I think this is the primary characteristic that drove me to

    where I am.

    I would never have stood a chance in the corporate world.

    I'm a terrible employee. I don't do anything unless I believe

    in it fully.

    I've tried to change that but it's fundamental to who I am.

    I've learned to accept it and appreciate it.

    Dirty Challenge #7

    Is there something about you thats been getting you into

    trouble your whole life?

    Have you been trying, and failing, to resist it and change your-

    self so that you can adapt into the adult world?

    When theres something fundamental to our nature, that liter-

    ally defines who we are as an individual, theres no point in

    fighting it (unless you truly dont want to be that way).

    What you resist will persist. The best way to handle it is to

    stop resisting it and adapt. Either the problem will go away,

    or youll live a more stress-free life now that youre not chal-

    lenging yourself.

    22

  • It's one thing to know that you don't like to be bossed around by

    the manager of a children's shoe store.

    It's quite another thing to not want to be bossed around by the

    company you've committed yourself to for life. I thought that I

    would get over it.

    When I was in college and I got the job, I thought 'Well I guess

    I'll just have to wise up and stop being so impulsive.'

    I found out that you don't just quit your DNA.

    I thought it would be different with a 'real job' because of the

    implications.

    23

    DIRTY SECRET #8

    I've never held a job for more than a year. Not

    even a 'real' job.

  • It didn't take long for me to realize that when I say I don't

    like anyone bossing me around, that includes the person that

    is determining my raises, promotions, and future within the

    company.

    I don't give shit who you are. If you are asking me to believe

    in something I don't buy into, I just won't listen to you.

    At first I thought that I was a crazy, self-sabotaging psycho-

    path who wanted to live a life of fear and uncertainty until I

    died of a nervous breakdown.

    I wasn't any of those things. I was a free spirited, uncontrolla-

    ble force of nature that demanded a life on her own terms.

    I was so anxious and afraid that I was going to fail at life until

    I found out that you can't fail at a life you don't believe in.

    Failing at life means failing at what you have de-

    fined to be the purpose of your life, not what others

    have defined to be the purpose of everyone else's

    life.

    This was huge for me. This meant that instead of failing at

    life, I was an impostor in someone else's life!

    It took me two corporate jobs to figure this out.

    It wasn't that Fortune 500 company was just too big and op-

    pressive. The last company I worked for was small and gave

    me a ton of freedom but the same thing happened.

    I couldn't live the life of an impostor, so I quit for good.

    I promised myself I would never let anyone lure me back into

    the false sense of security that working for someone else gives

    you. I'm not cut out for it and I never will be.

    Now that I've come to terms with that, I am no longer anx-

    ious or worried or afraid of failing. I feel liberated and happy

    and free and finally in my element. I'm living my life on my

    terms and I can't fail at that.

    Dirty Challenge #8

    If youre anxious and worried all of the time, ask yourself if

    youre living your own life, or if youre trying to live someone

    elses life.

    24

  • A lot of people who've heard of Ayn Rand either really love her

    or really really hate her.

    I really love her.

    25

    DIRTY SECRET #9

    Ive entered the $10,000 Atlas Shrugged essay contest once. I've read Atlas Shrugged twice. I've listened to it on

    audio once. I use her it as inspiration for my

    writing.

  • I love her so much because she is directly responsible for

    teaching me that my life is about me and I should

    never apologize for it.

    She answered questions for me that I never knew that I had.

    She interpreted emotions that I could feel but not name.

    Before reading Atlas Shrugged, I always felt cold and insensi-

    tive while also being super emotional and empathetic. I

    couldn't reconcile these two distinguished parts of myself.

    After reading Atlas Shrugged I found out that the cold and

    insensitive part of me was the part that was screaming for me

    to be able to live a life of my own.

    A life where I didn't have to love a father that never loved me

    back.

    A life where everything that I did and earned was mine and I

    could be proud of it.

    The emotional and empathetic part was my love for the indi-

    vidual.

    I hated to see anyone suffer or lose because I always feel the

    burning rage of injustice when bad stuff happens to good

    people; when things are taken away from good people for no

    reason.

    I respected that persons individual rights and I wanted them

    to be able to express those rights without fearing repercus-

    sions.

    I highly recommend that you read Atlas Shrugged.

    I promise that it will help you solidify your belief that you

    have the right to your own life and you're worth it.

    No matter what anyone tells you.

    Dirty Challenge #9

    Consume (read/listen) Atlas Shrugged.

    Consume it once to get the idea.

    Consume it again to understand it.

    Consume it a third time because you love it.

    26

  • I told you that it wasn't going to be your ordinary ebook. I have some tricks of the trade when it comes to business, but that's not

    what A Life on Your Terms is really all about.

    It's about waking up and smelling the tacos.

    It's about choosing who you want to be.

    It's about waking up and making volitional choices on how to act and what to believe.

    It's about understanding what you believe and holding those beliefs without guilt or apologies.

    It's about understanding the value of your life and how important it is that you spend the finite time that you have on this planet do-

    ing what you love.

    It's about realizing that if you spend your time here doing what makes you smile, it will result in making everyone around you smile.

    People who are happy like to give.

    It's about walking a path down a road of your choosing with a conscious understanding of what every footstep means to you and

    your life.

    xxvii

    Final Words

  • Chapter 2

    The 7 Laws For Living a Life on Your Terms are the

    seven lifestyle commitments I believe need to be made in

    order to fully live a life on your terms.

    I believe that if you leave out even one of them, your

    chances for happiness and fulfillment plummet.

    As you read, I encourage you to identify the laws you

    need the most work in, and start there. Notice how the

    quality of your life increases.

    It is a lifelong journey, but its an attainable one and I

    hope youll be brave enough to make the leap.

    7 LAWS

  • You are alive for an average of 674,968 hours.

    If you dont mind, Id like to do some math here. Lets say that

    youre thirty years old.

    That means that youve already lived 262,974 hours.

    By the end of this section youll have 411,993 hours left

    until youre dead.

    On average, you will spend a third of your life sleeping. If you

    are thirty now, you will only have 274,662 hours left to be awake

    and alive and living.

    I assume that youll also be pooping and showering and things

    of that nature, so for the sake of argument, lets just round this

    number down to an even 250,000 hours of good life.

    From now until the end of your existence, you have 250,000

    waking hours. I know this doesnt sound like we have a shortage

    2

    THE FIRST LAW

    Do Work You Love

  • in time, but just think that youve already spent more

    hours on this earth than you have left to really live.

    You will spend most of this time working or doing something

    related to work. Whether its doing work, talking about work,

    traveling for work, thinking about work, commuting for work,

    buying clothes for work, buying supplies for work, planning

    for work, etc.

    If you had to spend the majority of the rest of your waking

    hours doing one thing, would it be something you absolutely

    hate to do?

    Question withdrawn. Dont answer that.

    Why in the world would you not make the effort to spend the

    majority of the rest of your life doing something you love?

    By the way, you are now at least 30 seconds more dead than

    you were before you got here. Times-a-tickin.

    Why is so it important?

    Its a Matter of Life or Death

    When you graduate college, or high school, or graduate

    school, looking for a job is not just one of your choices, its

    mandatory.

    Not finding a job after college is a social and physical death

    sentence. How will you eat? How will you pay back those

    student loans. What will everyone think?

    Creating a job for yourself isnt even given any thought

    because its literally unthinkable. That is because the risk is

    believed to be too great.

    Working for a large company means security, safety, and a

    lifelong guarantee of health benefits for yourself and your

    family.

    Working for a large company used to mean that, yes.

    I think that, to our parents, that may have been a reality.

    Today, for us, its naive and dangerous to think that

    finding a job in a corporation will keep us safe.

    That means that everyone who sacrificed their dreams and

    passions to secure a job in a corporation in hopes of locking

    down lifetime security are just living on borrowed time.

    3

  • Theyre skating on thin ice covered by two feet of beautiful

    white snow. They cant tell that just under their feet is a

    platform made up of just one quarter of an inch of ice and,

    underneath that, miles of freezing water. That platform can

    crack at any moment. They probably will never see it

    coming.

    You will never see it coming.

    And when you find yourself treading water and freezing to

    death you wont be able to figure out what to do next because

    your entire life was tied up in a cause that abandoned you.

    The life you built doesnt exist anymore and you have to start

    from square one.

    This is why doing work that you love is so

    important.

    Because even if you decide to take the chance and walk on

    thin ice, when it breaks you will know what to do because

    youve identified what drove you to walk on that ice in the

    first place. It wasnt security. It wasnt safety. It was passion.

    You knew it wasnt secure and it wasnt safe. so you tied

    yourself to a rock on the surface just in case your investment

    fell through. If it does, you can use that rope to get back to

    the surface and use another medium to fulfill your passion.

    It is possible to find a job that you can deal with for the

    majority of your life and not suffer any major trauma. Its

    also possible to find a job that you love and you stick with for

    your whole life because all of your passion is wrapped up in

    your daily work.

    The point is to do it by choice. Im not saying that in order

    to do work you love you have to work for yourself. Im saying

    that you have to be fully aware that no matter where you

    work, youre not safe. So you might as well find something

    that you love early rather than later. This way your path is

    always clear, and when the ice breaks, you wont drown.

    Winners and Losers in the Game of

    Life

    Remember that horrible feeling of waking up to a screaming

    alarm telling you to get your butt out of bed so that you can

    4

  • get to work or school on time? Do you remember that

    amazing feeling of realizing that it was Saturday? You told

    that alarm where it could put its whining and went straight

    back to bed.

    On average, you experience more of the first feeling than the

    second feeling. Which is why the second feeling is so

    incredibly awesome.

    What if you could have the second feeling more than the first

    feeling? Then the first feeling wouldnt be so bad because it

    would be so rare.

    Its possible you know. I do it every day.

    Every day I wake up with more energy than I ever did when

    I had to do work that I didnt love. Im happier, my

    relationships are healthier, Im healthier, my overall quality

    of life is better.

    I have less to complain about. I have more love for life than I

    ever thought possible.

    Its important because living is more than just being

    alive.

    The people who succeed at being more than just alive are

    the people whove found a deeply rooted passion or love for

    something. No, not someone. Something. The someone plays

    a different role.

    They are the people who have found something that drives

    them so hard that they can and will endure months or even

    years of uncertainty, loneliness, and financial scares.

    They never give up. They may slow down, but they

    never stop. These are the people who are really alive. They

    arent coasting through life or waiting to be called for a job

    interview. They are actively creating their own future.

    Maybe they are working as a file organizer for the assistant

    of the President of a company that they are in love with and

    want to be a part of. Maybe they do that for years and slowly

    move up to fill roles they are passionate about.

    Maybe they are working as unknown writers and artists and

    mathematicians in their bedrooms, putting their name out as

    much as possible and creating a community of other writers

    5

  • and artists and mathematicians in order to create a

    movement.

    Maybe they are bloggers trying to start a revolution in the

    world.

    It doesnt matter who they are and what they do. You know

    them when you hear them talk about their work.

    If youre not one of them, you know them because inside

    you envy them for that extra energy and life in their eyes

    that you dont have.

    If youre not one of them, you know them because they

    make the world a more colorful place full of human

    beings that have come alive in ways that just being conscious

    could ever be mistaken for.

    If youre not one of them, you know them because they

    inspire you, or they inspire people that you know.

    If youre not one of them, you may wonder why its such a

    big deal and how work can be anything more than a way to

    put food on the table.

    Its a big deal, because the difference between

    someone who is doing work that they love, and

    someone who is doing work they hate, is the

    difference between someone who is in a coma, and

    someone who is walking along the Great Wall of

    China.

    If you are one of them, you know why doing work that you

    love is so important. You know, because if it was taken away

    from you, youd only be half alive.

    Whether you are one of them or not, you know them

    because they are the ones winning at life.

    Thats why its so important. Because its the

    difference between coming in second or third, or

    winning at life.

    If its so great, then why isnt everyone

    doing it?

    Conditioning

    6

  • Weve been separating work and play since we were children.

    The stuff that you had to do, the stuff that you never

    wanted to do was work, and the stuff that you wanted to do

    was playing or free time.

    This is why subjects such as Art, Theater, and Music arent

    considered real majors. No one goes to college to major in 15th

    Century French Poetry because of all of the wonderful job opportunities.

    They did it because they loved it.

    Posturing

    Everyone around us pretended like they loved their job.

    We get lectures in 2nd grade from parents about what they

    do at their job and how awesome it is.

    When was the last time you heard of a parent walking into a

    grade school class and looking all of the wide-eyed children

    in the face and saying Work will suck your soul dry and

    leave you cynical, clinically depressed, and forever in denial

    about your condition. But dont let that get you down! It

    must be done so get to it!

    Confusion

    The intersection of the above two points led people to

    believe that if you are having fun, you arent working.

    Boss sees you laughing? You must be watching distasteful

    comics.

    You walk around smiling? Youre getting it on with a co-

    worker in the conference room.

    You come to work early? Youve got your eye on a promotion

    and a raise.

    You do more than required? Youre sucking up.

    None of these behaviors are attributed to work, but they are

    what I do every day.

    Why is it that work, by definition, has to be unpleasant?

    When I tell people that I love what I do, they cant seem to

    fathom that I spend all of my time doing something that I

    like. They wait anxiously for me to tell them about some part

    of the job that sucks; sometimes by pushing and prodding

    7

  • and asking leading questions to get me to fess-up and tell the

    truth about all of the horrible things that I must have to do.

    Only when I confirm that there are periods of

    unpleasantness do they calm down. They sigh in relief and

    think everyone has to suffer for work. What they refuse to

    think (what they blank out) is that they dont want it to

    be possible. They dont want to find out that its possible to

    do work that you love, because then it means that theyve

    wasted their whole life.

    This worries me.

    Im worried about my fellow humans.

    Im worried that they think that work is something that they

    have to do and not something that they want to do.

    Im worried that when they find something they only kind of

    dislike they think theyve hit the jackpot.

    Im worried that most people will spend the majority of their

    entire life doing something they hate.

    This worries me because the longer it goes on, the harder its

    going to be for me to convince people that work is not

    something you do out of necessity, its something you do

    because you need to do productive work as a human

    to have self esteem.

    You do it because you want to live, and idleness is

    the opposite of life.

    You do it because producing makes you proud to be

    you.

    You continue to get better at it because it gives you a

    sense of efficacy and self-worth.

    You try harder every day because it makes you

    happy to leave behind a legacy worth working for.

    You push through the hard days because you know that, in

    the end, you will have created something to be admired.

    Admired by you and by others.

    Prestige

    8

  • Gaining prestige is exactly like doing something out of

    character to gain popularity in high school. Its dangerous to

    your health both physically and mentally its artificial, it

    doesnt last, and its detrimental to your self-esteem.

    When you seek to gain prestige, you are looking to gain

    admiration from society, which has inflated the importance

    of specific titles or types of work.

    Im not saying that these professions arent important. Im

    asking why you think that becoming a doctor is more

    important than becoming a dog trainer?

    Most people would automatically say that the doctor is more

    important without even thinking about what kind of doctor

    they are, or asking if they are even a good doctor.

    My point is that doing something just because you want

    others to look up to you, and not because you like it, is a

    surefire way to end up an insecure and unhappy human

    being.

    Dont become a doctor if you hate medicine.

    Dont become a lawyer if you hate to read.

    Dont become an engineer if you hate math.

    Dont become a novelist if youre not interested in telling

    stories.

    If your goal is to become prestigious, then you need to live

    your own personal legend. You dont need to fight for a

    title, award, or recognition from people youve never met,

    whose lives are insignificant to you and who dont really care

    about you anyway.

    Money

    Dont get me wrong. I do not think that money is the root of

    all evil.

    I think that money is the root of all good when its earned

    honestly by doing good work that you love which just ends up

    contributing to the overall well being of the universe. I think

    that people who do great work should be so rich that they

    could never spend all of their money no matter how hard

    they tried.

    9

  • On the other hand, people who will do anything for money

    are on a path to self-destruction.

    Money does not bring happiness. Financial security doesnt

    bring happiness either. That doesnt stop people from using it

    as the ultimate solution to life and all of its problems.Tweet

    This

    The importance given to money is so great that even loved

    ones will encourage you to do something you dont really like

    so that you can have a financially secure future. This is

    supposed to translate into safe but it doesnt. It translates

    into late onset reality check.

    How to Find it

    Ok so thats all great but how do you find this elusive work

    you love?

    How to find work you love

    The first thing I tell people when they ask this question is to

    look at the verb in the sentence how to find work you love.

    In case youre rusty on your grammar, the verb is find and

    its a verb for a reason.

    It requires action.

    You literally have to go out and find it. You have to actively

    look for it like you would look for a lost dog.

    Start by asking yourself these questions:

    What comes easily to you? What are things that you do

    that you dont have to force yourself to do? Dont limit

    yourself to things that you think make sense for work.

    If you like getting shitfaced drunk, then write it. Im

    not making any promises about the business

    opportunities in shitfaced drunkenness, but Im not

    writing it off either.

    What are you good at? What have people told you that

    youre good at? What comes effortlessly to you?

    What do you read about? Whether it be books,

    magazines, the internet, sidewalk chalk? What topics

    do you find fascinating? Are there times when you cant

    flick past the History Channel? Does Shark Week on

    10

  • the Discovery Channel make you go all warm and

    fuzzy inside? Write it all down.

    What pisses you off ? What topic could I bring up that

    would get your panties in a ruffle? Is it abortion? Is it

    government, taxes, beached whales, peeing in

    swimming pools, people talking on the phone in

    libraries?

    What is a major problem in todays world that, if

    solved, would make you happier than the Cookie

    Monster at the arrival of Girls Scouts at his door?

    Maybe its homelessness, hunger, lack of drinking

    water, or the fact that there arent enough people in the

    USA that know how to parallel park.

    Look around your house. Tell me the one thing that

    you would consider murdering me for if I took it away

    from you. Is it your MacBook? Maybe its your 1980s

    overalls or your collection of exercise pole dancing

    videos.

    After you are done fleshing out the answers to these questions

    (and dont forget not to hold back!) sift through your answers

    and see if you find any potential business ideas or already

    existing jobs.

    Try combining them. For example, say that you really love

    the Apple brand, youre pissed that they dont have a 17

    MacBook Air, and youre a bad ass programmer. Sounds like

    a job opportunity there. Thats obvious of course but you get

    the point.

    You might not find anything. You may have to just start

    trying things.

    For example, if you really love fashion, but you know youre

    not cut out to be a model, then try designing clothes, even if

    you think you have no skill at it at all. Maybe all it takes is a

    few months of drawing lessons on YouTube to bring out your

    inner designer. You may not know that you love it until you

    really try it.

    Answer the questions I listed out a second time. Once you

    start to broaden your knowledge of what is possible in the

    world and what you know, the answers above will change.

    They wont remain the same. This is an iterative process.

    11

  • It goes something like this:

    1. Answer questions.

    2. Pick something and pursue it will all of your heart and

    soul.

    3. Test the waters. How do you feel about it? Lukewarm?

    Drop it or, if its making money already somehow,

    keep doing it on the side.

    4. Look at your answers to the questions. Has anything

    changed?

    5. If not, pick something else and repeat 1-3.

    6. Once you find something you love, see if its a viable

    business. It could be something you can start yourself,

    or perhaps its a job that already exists.

    7. If its not, think about what you can modify/change/

    remove so that you can monetize it. If its impossible

    to monetize, and youve really given it your all, start

    the process over again.

    See a summary of the process on the next page.

    Notice that in the diagram I imply that there is nothing that

    cant become a viable business as long as you put in the work.

    I imply this because I believe Im speaking to reasonable and

    rational people.

    It is obvious that no one is going to pay you to get shitfaced

    drunk. No matter how you spin it, its probably not going to

    work. What might work, however, is becoming a club

    promoter/DJ/bartender or whatever job that allows you to

    be drunk a lot.

    Please note that I think this is a terrible idea and Im not

    condoning it. Im only trying to make an extreme point. If

    your passion is to get wasted every day, you have problems

    and I suggest that you seek professional help.

    You may not even find anything on your second try.

    It doesnt matter. Keep looking. Its there. It exists.

    I promise you, that unless you are a corpse there is

    something that you are passionate about.

    Dont give up. Dont settle. Dont stop.

    For the time being, try to keep the ideas of prestige and

    money out of the equation.

    12

  • Just dont think about the potential to monetize. If you really

    love it that much, youll find a way. Even if that means

    adding something to the business to make it monetizable.

    If you find something that excites you at first and you find

    that it has great market potential, but after a while you begin

    to lose interest, then you need to drop that thing like a hot

    potato!

    Dont go into the light!

    Drop it and start over. Or keep doing it but also keep looking

    for your passion. Dont settle just because it looks like it will

    make money.

    How to Find Out if Your Passion Can Be Monetized

    Unless you can find a job that youre passionate about,

    monetization is the deal breaker when it comes to pursing

    one of your ideas.

    Im going to refer you to some of my favorite resources on

    this subject. Ill write about this topic in future books, but I

    dont want you to wait that long. I want you to act now.

    13

  • After sifting through all of the knowledge that Ive gathered

    over the years, Ive picked these resources as the best to

    follow if you want actionable, reliable, and practical results.

    The $100 Startup

    This book was only recently published this book, but its one

    of the most important business books Ive ever read.

    The $100 Startup,by Chris Guillebeau,takes you from

    knowing nothing about business, to making a living on your

    own, regardless of your skills, how much money you have, or

    how old you are.

    He makes business something that anyone can do if they

    really wanted to. He takes away all thoughts of venture

    capitalists, ties, huge investments, and MBAs and instead

    focuses on teaching you how you can use what you have

    today to create a life for yourself.

    The book doesnt leave room for excuses. Although Chris

    isnt all about giving tough love, youll be hard pressed to find

    a reason why your situation is different. He interviewed

    thousands of everyday people just like you and me. All of

    them are making a living doing what they love.

    If you want something that will show you the way to making

    a living off of your passion, step by step, then you need to

    buy, borrow, or beg for this book right now.

    Escape From Cubicle Nation

    Pamela Slims book, Escape From Cubical Nation, has had

    the most influence over me and my career.

    Its a bit more dense than Chriss book, but its also chock full

    of information, resources, and exercises for your business and

    your personal life.

    Chriss book is perfect for someone whos pretty much

    decided that they are ready to take the next step.

    Pams book is perfect for someone whos on the fence.

    She spends a lot of time talking you through the psychology

    of why you feel miserable at your job, why you dont want to

    leave, and how to make the move from being an employee to

    being self-employed.

    14

  • Her section on entrepreneurship is very real and down to

    earth. Possibly a little more conservative than Chris, but not

    in a bad way. The $100 Startup talks mostly about businesses

    that you can start for very cheap (hence the $100 part), while

    Pam covers the spectrum.

    I cant recommend this book enough. Its the book that gave

    me the courage to quit my first job, and its taken me through

    years ofentrepreneurialbattles.

    The Four Hour Workweek

    This book has gotten a lot ofcriticismover the years, and I

    understand why, but this is why I love this book:

    Tim doesnt see barriers. He doesnt find them

    important. He makes things absolutely simple and his

    confidence is contagious.

    The book is structured so that you are learning how to

    build a business by using passive income techniques &

    automation while also learning to get out of your

    comfort zone and live a little.

    There are a lot of great ideas in this book that arent

    developed that thoroughly in Chris or Pams books.

    For example he talks a lot more about negotiating flex-

    time with your boss, outsourcing your work overseas,

    and Lifestyle design.

    Tims book is perfect for the person who wants to learn about

    lifestyle design and a completely different way of living.This

    is the book that got passive income and online business on

    my radar.

    A word of caution about this book. The point is to get

    you to think about how you can run a business and manage

    your life differently. There are some exaggerations so you

    have to be careful to pick out the real useful stuff and not pay

    attention to the four hour work week promise.

    Crush It

    If you need something to get you motivated to get up and get

    moving, look no further.

    I listened to Crush It and decided that I no longer needed to

    listen to anymore motivational speeches. Gary Vaynerchuk is

    enough.

    15

  • This book is about working your face off for your dream. Its

    about hustle and determination and energy.

    Its also about how to do business in the world we live in

    today. Gary covers a lot of social media topics and novel

    ways to spread your message.

    This book is perfect for anyone who needs a kick in the ass.

    Gary doesnt want to hear your excuses about how your

    passion is different. He was born in Belarus and is the

    product of the real American Dream. Dont even think about

    complaining because you just dont know if you can live

    without your soy lattes.

    Making It to the End

    Living a life on your own terms is not possible if you do not

    take control of the one thing that you will be spending the

    most of your time on.

    You have a choice to either work really hard and do what you

    love, or take it easy and float through life like a fat man in a

    raft on the lazy river.

    You are not a victim of circumstance and you are not a

    helpless bystander in your life. You have no master and you

    are not at the mercy of your instincts like a common dog.

    You are a person.You are a human being with potential and

    intellect and the wonderful ability to use your mind to make

    choices.

    You have the right to live the kind of life that will leave you

    proud and peaceful in your deathbed.

    Now its up to you to make the decision.

    16

  • I want to talk about one theory of happiness, my theory of

    happiness, and I think it will change your life.

    I want to make a fundamental shift to your psyche that will have

    a permanent and lasting impact on how you view

    happiness.

    And Im not talking about touchy-feely abstract principles.

    Im talking about concrete definitions and actions that

    you can use to actively create a happier life,

    guaranteed.

    Before you read this section, take a second to consider these

    questions:

    1. Are you happy?

    2. Do you consider happiness to be the normal state of life?

    17

    THE SECOND LAW

    Happiness is Your Expectation

  • 3. How do you think people achieve happiness?

    At the end of the section, Id like you to answer these

    questions again and let me know if your perspective changed

    in any way.

    Isnt Happiness Relative?

    Im not saying that the definitionof an individuals

    happiness isnt subjective. It is. Thats why Im not going to

    go into whats the definition of happiness because I believe

    that the answer to that question is subjective.

    Its exactly like asking someone what it feels like to

    be tickled.

    All anyone knows is that it makes you laugh and you freak

    out. Other than that, people use all kinds of metaphorical

    expressions to explain it.

    The important point is that we know what tickling is and

    how to go about achieve it.

    By the end of this post, you should know what happiness is

    and how to go about achieving it. Exactly how you achieve it,

    and what happiness feels like is entirely up to you.

    Expect a Happy Life

    Before you can even begin to achieve any state of happiness,

    you have to expect happiness. You cant go around all doom

    and gloom expecting for the happy fairy to sprinkle happy

    dust on your head.

    It doesnt work that way for two reasons. One the happy

    fairy is a fictional character I just made up right now, and

    18

  • two happiness comes from inside of you and no amount of

    happy dust is going to change how you feel on the inside.

    Just like most expectations, if you believe that you are

    destined to have a life of suffering, supposed to have a life of

    suffering, or that happiness isnt possible, then you are right.

    Believe that you can and should be happy. Expect that you

    will be happy.

    Expect happiness like you expect the sun to rise in the

    morning and to set at night.

    Do you ever think about what you would do if the sun

    decided not to go down today? No? Then why do you keep

    thinking about suffering?

    A less dramatic metaphor is driving to the store to get milk.

    Do you get into your car and immediately worry that youre

    going to get into a car crash and suffer horrible injuries, or

    do you get into the car, turn on the radio, and go get some

    damn milk?

    You go get the damn milk, right?

    Because sitting in the car shaking and sweating

    from fear of death before you have even left the

    driveway is fucking insane.

    We all know that a car accident can happen. We know that it

    happens every day. We probably know at least one person

    whos been in one.

    But you drive so often, that it doesnt occur to you until it

    happens (or almost happens).

    So you just get into the car subconsciously aware that

    accidents happen every day but you arent dwelling on it

    because youre too busy driving to get the damn milk.

    Thats how you need to treat suffering like an unexpected

    car accident that may happen one day but you cant be

    bothered to worry about it because youre too busy pursuing

    happiness.

    Just changing your mindset about suffering will take you a

    long way.

    19

  • What is Happiness?

    Happiness is not a combination of satisfaction and having

    more positive emotions than negative emotions. Those are

    symptoms of happiness.

    Just like that horrible suffocating feeling you get when being

    ticked is not the actual tickle itself, its a symptom of it.

    There are all kinds of symptoms of happiness, but there is

    only one answer to what is happiness.

    Happiness is the ultimate goal of a persons life.

    Just like making someone freak out is the goal of tickling.

    That is really it. Happiness is the ultimate goal of your life.

    Where happiness comes from, how happiness feels,

    how happy you are, and how you actively achieve

    your happiness are all up for grabs. All of those topics are

    non-absolute. Not surprisingly, those are all the topics being

    studied and explored.

    Before you jump to the comments section with your

    exclamations of outrage, read the rest of the post.

    Achieving Your Own Personal HappinessEveryone is using the symptoms, sources, and achievement of

    happiness as the answer to what is happiness.

    Just like there are many different ways to tickle someone

    (stomach, knees, feet), there are many different ways to

    achieve your happiness.

    Just like there are many different symptoms of tickling

    (laughing, crying, limb spasms), there are many symptoms of

    happiness.

    Just like there are many different sources a tickler can come

    from (people, objects, etc?), there are many sources of

    happiness.

    However, unlike tickling, there is one way to determine how

    you should go about achieving your own personal happiness.

    20

  • How you decide to achieve your happiness is

    completely dependent upon what you value in your

    life.

    By value I mean something, anything, that you have to do

    something to get or hold onto.

    If you value the love of a family, you will achieve your own

    happiness by working to raise a happy family.

    If you value charity, then you will achieve your own

    happiness by working for charitable causes.

    If you value having a purpose, then you will achieve your

    happiness by doingproductive work that will fulfill your

    purpose.

    If you value having satisfaction in your work, they you

    willachieveyour happiness by doing work you love.

    If you value education, then you willachievehappiness by

    continuing to educate yourself.

    You may value all of these things. I know that I do.

    I measure my success in life, my happiness, by seeing how I

    am doing in terms of achieving my values. If my family is

    happy, and Im giving to causes that I care about, and Im

    producing work that makes me proud, Im going to be happy.

    Some of you are going to say Well if a murderer likes

    murdering, then does that make it ok for him to murder?

    No its not.

    Because you cant have a truly happy life without

    benevolence and justice towards others.

    What he thinks is happiness is actually only a brief moment

    of respite from the state of chronic misery he lives in.

    There are those of you who are going to say Some people

    just choose to be happy and then they are just happy?

    It doesnt work that way.

    Because you cant have a truly happy life without

    rationality.

    21

  • Some of you might thing that youll be happy if you just win

    the lottery. Then you can sit on the beach sipping Pina

    Coladas all day. Thats also not true.

    Because you cant be truly happy without

    independence, productivity, and pride.

    There really isnt any right or wrong way to achieve your

    happiness. The only rules are that you do it as a human

    being and you do it with your long term happiness in

    mind.

    What I mean by doing it as a human being is doing it by

    your own effort.

    You have to act with your long term happiness in mind,

    because if you dont you are basically saying you dont plan

    on living very long. Since happiness is your lifes GOAL, you

    have to think about it as the most long term goal youve ever

    had.

    That means that just because having promiscuous sex makes

    you happy right now, it doesnt mean that its going to align

    with your long-term values and goal of happiness.

    This is precisely why most people are miserable.

    This is Why You Are Unhappy

    The primary reason for your misery is that you hold certain

    values, but you act a different way.

    In other words, you have no integrity.

    Here are some common everyday examples of situations

    people put themselves in that make them unhappy:

    You value satisfaction in work, but you work in a job

    that is not satisfying.

    You value self-esteem, but you dont treat yourself with

    respect.

    You value productivity, but you are forced to be idle.

    You value love, but you are in a relationship that brings

    you pain

    You value artistic inspiration but you go to school for

    Engineering because it makes you more money.

    You value pride, but you take the wealth of others

    anyway.

    22

  • Similarly, sometimes you hold two values, but one is higher

    than the other and you are forced to choose the lower value

    because its more socially acceptable:

    You value the opinion and support of your parents, but

    you really want to be a poet and they want you to be a

    lawyer. You become a lawyer.

    You value wealth more than you value charity, but you

    choose charity so you dont look greedy.

    You value your marriage but you value honesty more.

    You arent in love with your wife anymore, but you

    choose to stay and lie to yourself.

    Do you see the problem?

    You are constantly in a fight with yourself ! How can you

    expect to be happy when you are, literally, your own worst

    enemy?

    A lot of the time you dont even know that you value

    something, so you cant do anything about it.

    Im here to remedy that.

    How To Identify Your Personal Values and

    Live a Happy Life

    Its not going to be easy for you to discover your true values.

    Youve spent so much time caring about the things you think

    you should care about and not enough time discovering what

    really moves you inside.

    Have no fear! I have come up with a way for you to discover

    your values.

    Luckily for us, we are guided to a successful state in life by a

    simple pleasure/pain mechanism. That which causes long

    term pain is the wrong path, and that which causes long term

    pleasure is the right path.

    This is true for both physical, and emotional success.

    If something is causing you to suffer for a substantial amount

    of time, its working against your life goal of happiness and

    you need to stop interacting with it as soon as possible.

    23

  • If something is causing you to feel pleasure for a long period

    of time, it is working towards your life goal of happiness and

    you need to do more of that.

    This is the compass we are going to use to find our values.

    Note: This is not a license to just follow your emotions wherever they

    take you regardless of consequences. Unlike the physical pleasure/pain

    mechanism, your emotional pleasure/pain mechanism is not automatic.

    Your emotions are a measuring tool that needs calibration. You calibrate

    it with your mind. If your emotions are saying shoot the guy who just

    slept with my girlfriend your mind needs to step in andre-calibrateyour

    emotions to long term success and not short term satisfaction.

    Stop Doing List

    The first thing we need to do is cleanse ourselves of the

    things in our life not contributing to our life goal of

    happiness.

    This is where Jim Collins idea of a Stop Doing List comes

    in. We need to use our compass to make a list of all things we

    need to stop doing.

    Again, this is harder than it sounds.

    How do you know if something is just sort of unpleasant, or

    if its really detrimental to my lifelong goal of happiness?

    Does it have to be an actual action or can it be an emotion?

    Anything that has been a chronic source of anxiety,

    guilt, or suffering needs to be on your Stop Doing

    List.

    Here are some questions to help you with your list:

    What have you been doing for a long time that makes

    you feel guilty?

    What do you do because you feel like you have to and

    not because you want to?

    Is there anything that you do that completely zaps your

    energy?

    Identify any chronic negative feelings that you have,

    and try to pinpoint when you have them (i.e. feeling

    self-conscious or worried)

    Identify the things in your life that make you anxious.

    Name the people in your life that make you anxious,

    guilty, or sad.

    24

  • What do you dread doing?

    Start with the things that you can stop right now. Eliminate

    them from your life all together.

    For example, if makes you angry to always clean up after

    someone, whether it be your roommate, strangers, friends,

    spouse, or kids, just stop doing it. Make the decision,

    announce it, and stop doing it.

    Sometimes you cant just immediately stop doing something

    so you need to make a Stop Doing Plan.

    For example, if you want to stop working at your current job,

    you probably need a stop plan.

    This also goes with feelings that you want to stop having. For

    example, if you are always self-conscious in a swim suit, you

    need a plan that will help you stop feeling that way.

    The plan includes

    1. What you want to stop doing,

    2. Why you want to stop doing it (so that you know how

    to stop)

    3. How you intend to stop

    It doesnt matter what the answer to #2 is. If the reason is

    because I fucking hate doing it then thats great.

    But sometimes its more complicated than that. Sometimes

    its not the feeling you want to stop, its the cause of the

    feeling. Other times, its not the cause of the feeling you want

    to stop, its the feeling itself.

    For example, if you feel guilty when you are in a certain

    situation or around a certain person, you have to decide

    whether or not you have something to feel guilty

    about first before you make a plan to eliminate that feeling.

    Remember that our emotions are great tools, but they need

    calibration from time-to-time.

    If you feel that you do deserve the guilt, you need to do

    something (or stop doing something) to eliminate the feeling.

    If you feel that you dont deserve the guilt, you need to

    remove the person, belief, or situation thats causing your

    guilt from your life.

    25

  • On the other hand, if you know for a fact that you just hate

    your job with a fiery passion unmatched by anything thats

    ever existed in the universe, you probably want to stop the

    job, not the fiery passionate hate you feel for the job.

    Keep Doing List

    After youve determined what you want to stop doing, use the

    same process to decide what you want to keep doing. Identify

    all of the things in your life that contribute to your lifelong

    goal of happiness.

    Here are some questions to help you with this exercise.

    What do you do that gets you excited?

    Who makes you feel like the energizer bunny?

    What do you do that makes you feel like the energizer

    bunny?

    What do you do that makes you proud?

    When do you have the most confidence?

    What things in your life leave you feeling peaceful?

    When do you feel the most giving?

    When do you feel like you are glowing with so much

    joy you might burst?

    All of these questions are basic symptoms of happiness. So

    when youre feeling one of these things, keep doing it!

    These are your values.

    I repeat, anything on your Keep Doing List can be stripped

    down to core values.

    For example, writing this blog gives me energy. It makes me

    want to give all that Ive got and Im incredibly proud of it. I

    also know from experience that idleness makes me feel like

    crap.

    From knowing that, I know that I like doing productive work

    that helps people in any way because it makes me feel like

    Im really contributing to the world.

    Going further, I know that I value productivity that makes a

    difference and self-worth.

    I need to keep doing things that make me feel truly

    productive (not busy), and things that make me feel useful.

    Here is a second example I feel at peace and full of love

    and joy when Im spending time with my family.

    26

  • I know that I value family bonds and I will keep doing things

    that make those bonds as strong as possible.

    Start Doing List

    The last step is to write your Start Doing List part of which

    comes from your Stop Doing Plan.

    In your Stop Doing Plan, you outlined how you were going

    to stop doing things that dont contribute to your life goal of

    happiness. All of these actions go on your start doing list.

    Its important to clean up whats going on in your life right

    now first before you begin adding things to your Start

    Doing list. Get good at identifying what your values are,

    achieving them, and then feeling the pure happiness that

    comes with it.

    If youve done that, you can start totally new things that you

    believe align with your values and, therefore, will make you

    happy.

    Its not guaranteed, which is why we always stop and evaluate

    how things are going along the way.

    Here are some questions to help you with your Start Doing

    List:

    Name some things on your keep-doing list. Is there any

    way you can expand on those things?

    Is there anything you used to do that you stopped

    doing because of responsibilities?

    Do you have a bucket list? If not, make one.

    Do something youre not sure you even really want to

    do but youve always been fascinated by it (learn to

    play a sport, learn to knit, etc.

    Try things you dont think youll like, but you dont

    necessarily know why (i.e. be a vegetarian for two

    months, stop washing your hair, etc)

    Volunteer (maybe you dont know it yet, but you really

    value the lives of animals)

    All of the possibilities are impossible to capture, but I hope

    that you get the point.

    If youre really into processes like I am, you can also make a

    plan for your Start Doing List points. It might go something

    like this.

    27

  • 1. Identify what you want to start doing.

    2. Decide approximately how long you are going to do

    this thing before you decide that it doesnt add to your

    overall happiness or, in the case that the item comes

    from your Stop Doing Plan, its not working.

    3. Choose a new item from your Start Doing List or

    come at the current item from a different direction.

    See a summary of the process on the right.

    This is, of course, a lifelong process. You can never be

    finished achieving your values, because they all take upkeep.

    All values need to be maintained.

    Just because youve finally found a job that is satisfying,

    doesnt mean it will stay that way. You will always need to

    challenge yourself.

    Then there are those really dark days when you completely

    fall off of the bandwagon.

    Youve forgotten what your values are. You dont remember

    why you were doing this in the first place. You lapse into

    unhappiness again.

    28

  • Dont worry about it.

    It took me five years to develop my theory of happiness and

    how to achieve it. It took all of that time to really be happy

    and true to myself.

    And I still mess up. Im still unhappy sometimes. When that

    happens I just stop and dig around to try to find where the

    conflict is.

    Its always a conflict of personal values or interests. You need

    to find the conflict and eliminate it. Thats what the Stop

    Doing, Start Doing, and Keep Doing lists are for.

    So when you find that youre lost again just go back to the

    list.

    Youll find your way back here, and when you do Ill be

    waiting.

    29

  • Where do you spend the most time looking for self-respect,

    within yourself, or outside of yourself ?

    Dont lie! Really think about it. Really think about the last time

    you were by yourself and you did something, or you thought

    something that made you look yourself in the mirror and say,

    Youre awesome.

    Its so rare that we look inside of ourselves for self-confidence.

    Were always looking every where else.

    We want people to tell us that were good, we want them to

    validate our feelings and ourexistence.

    When they dont, our self esteem suffers, when they do, we feel

    like Gods. Its a temporary highequivalentto that of a meth-

    head feeling invincibleuntil the high wears off and you have

    to go out looking for your next fix or boost of self-esteem.

    30

    THE THIRD LAW

    Respect Yourself

  • It sounds something like this:

    If only I could get a promotion

    If only I were more attractive then

    If only I could get a biggerapartmentthen

    If only I had 2340456 MILLION subscribers to my

    blog, then

    Does that sound familiar? I know that it does. I know that, at

    some point, youve felt this way.

    Well lets put an end to that shit shall we?

    To letanyoneoranythingelse have an effect on how

    you feel about your self is a god damn crime against

    humanity.

    And by humanity I mean yourself.

    Because thats what Im talking about.

    It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks about you except

    for you. You have to live with yourself every single day. You

    have to love yourself.

    You have to take responsibility for yourself.

    And that means that you have to find value inside of yourself,

    because depending on things that are outside of your control

    is not only stupid, its dangerous.

    Its dangerous to your mental health. If it gets bad enough,

    its dangerous to your physical health.

    I cant have my readers dropping like flies because they

    decided they would put their entire self-worth into someone

    elses hands. Its bad for business.

    So were going to fix this, right here, right now.

    To do this, I have to start at the beginning.

    You ready?

    Groovy. Lets do it.

    What is self-esteem?

    The answer to the question what is self-esteem is completely

    different from the answer to the question what does self

    esteem look like?.

    31

  • Self-esteem is made up of your self-confidence and

    your self-respect.

    Self-confidence, meaning that youre confident in your ability

    to think, learn, decide, and respond to change.

    Self-respect, meaning that you think success, achievement,

    fulfillment, and happiness are what you naturally deserve.

    The judgment you make on yourself, which manifests itself

    as your self-esteem, has everything to do with what you value,

    what your goals will be, who youll sleep with, and who your

    friends are.

    Self-esteem isnt a juvenile concept people came up with to

    help kids and teenagers make it through public school and

    puberty.

    Its critical to having a happy and successful life.

    What do I mean by a successful life?

    Well, for example, the more resilient you are (the more self-

    esteem you have), the more you fight through adversity, the

    more creative the work you produce, the better relationships

    you have, the more respectful you are, the more self-respect

    you have, the more joy you experience in the simple fact of

    just being alive, and the more successful you are in life.

    In my opinion, your self esteem is the most important asset

    you have, and it should be treated that way. It should be

    strengthened and nurtured constantly.

    If youve struggled with self-esteem and self-confidence like I

    have, youre going to want to hear this.

    You are an intelligent and competent human being.

    You are worthy of a happy life. You deserve good

    things. You have the ability to succeed. And if you

    32

  • dont believe in every single one of those

    statements, I beg you to stay with me to the end.

    In short, self-esteem is the reflection of how we feel

    about our competence and worth as a person.

    IMPORTANT: Having self-esteem doesnt mean just feeling great about

    yourself at the moment. Those feelings are temporary. You may continue

    to feel great about yourself until something bad happens.How you

    handle adversity tells you much more about your self-esteem than how

    you feel on a day-to-day basis in average situations.The more solid your

    self-esteem is, the better you are at coping with adversity; the faster you

    recover; and the more energy you have when you start over. Setbacks dont

    stop people with high self-esteem.

    Do you have high self-esteem? Are you sure?

    Before you walk away brushing dirt off of your shoulders,

    lets make sure that your self-esteem is grounded in reality and

    its not invested in any false values. Lets also make sure that

    youre not in denial or delusional.

    You may not know that you have low self-esteem. I know it

    sounds weird, but Ive found MANY people who werent

    aware that they had low self-esteem.

    Questions to ask yourself:

    Do you have a history of being in destructive

    relationships? Men/Women with high self-esteem

    do not want to be with Women/Men that have low

    self-esteem (dependence, jealousy, etc.)

    Do confident people threaten you? Confident

    people make less confident people feel as if the

    confident person is personally insulting them.

    Do you treat others well? People with low self-

    esteem sometimes try to make themselves feel better by

    putting others down.

    Do you expect others to treat you well? If you

    have high self-esteem, you expect to be treated with

    respect and you wont tolerate anything less.

    Do you seek demanding goals, or do you prefer

    the comfort of the known? -People with low self-

    esteem are weaker, less resilient, unable to cope, and

    33

  • unable to handle lifes problems, and they remain

    convinced of the fact that they just cant ha