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Things to Expect on Halloween
Top 5 Adult Costumes
1) 9.6% 2) 5.4% 3) 5.0% 4) 4.4% 5) 3.8% 1) 8.2% 2) 6.1% 3) 5.4% 4) 5.1% 5) 3.9%
44% of Americans will wear a costume
A father and son will fight over who gets to be Batman. The
mother, going as a witch, will settle the dispute by telling the
son he can be Spiderman or some other nondescript superhero.
A Batman will go home with a witch. The
sexual theatrics will be unprecedented.
1) 7.9%2) 6.9%
3) 4.8%4) 4.2% 5) 3.4%
3) 4.8%
Top 5 Pet CostumesI’m a cat! 14% of Americans will
dress their pets in costumes
I represent all animals. The guy in the red represents general
superheroes.
Top 5 Children’s Costumes
Dogs will be dressed as cats. Consequently, dog fights will ensue. Cats will of course go as
themselves—devils incarnate. Only on Halloween are they revealed for what they truly are.
Not infrequently will parents, after consuming too much liquor, confuse their children with
the family pet. Dogs will go trick-or-treating, and kids will be locked away in laundry rooms.
The remaining 56% must be Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Alcohol sales for Halloween will be 2nd only to the Super Bowl
Studies suggest that alcohol consumption
will increase about 20% around the Halloween season. Something about wearing a costume makes people drink more
Alongside the purchase of alcohol, there will be an increase in drunk driving
In fact, in 2011 38% of fatalities on Halloween night occurred in a crash involving a driver or a motorcycle operator with a BAC of .08 or higher, so expect cops to be in full force
Avoid a Cold Cell;
Stay In and Party
A drunk pirate will attempt
to carve a dog dressed as a
pumpkin.
That same pirate will incessantly
attempt to use “booty” as a pick up line.
A vampire will have
neck-to-mouth contact.
Fluid exchange is uncertain but likely.
An uninvited vagabond will wander into the
party for snacks and free booze, and he
will be mistaken for a pirate or zombie. He
is neither of course. Halloween or not, he’s
still just a vagabond. Kick him out.
Since 9.6% of people and 7.9% of dogs will be dressed as witches, it is highly likely that there will be a dog dressed as
witch alongside the various human witches at the party. As alcohol intake reaches its optimum level, it is equally as
likely that a Batman will mistake the dog witch for the pretty little thing he has been eyeballing all night.
If Batman avoids all the DUI checkpoints and makes it home safely with the dog he believes to be his crush, the result might be appalling.
Happy Halloween!
• Sources: http://www.dailyfinance.com/2012/10/31/alcohol-sales-halloween-adult-party/ http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/13/us/halloween-fastfacts/
http://www.thefix.com/content/halloween-alcohol-drinking-rise90830 http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/773028
http:// www.edgarsnyder.com/seasonal/halloween/halloween-drunk-driving.html
