To Thine Own Self

7/30/2019 To Thine Own Self

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To Thine Own Self

Prologue

Alex paid for his ticket and tucked the wallet inside his suit jacket.

Mrs. Kenan smiled. "Thanks, Mr. Barnett. I'm sure Carmen will be glad you're home."

Alex nodded as he turned toward the auditorium door. Everyone he met tonight was

aware he had been gone for two weeks. Carmen was incredibly naïve about people.

After the stabbing, she should realize that living in the country didn't exempt them

from crime. She had been raised to believe people were basically good. Maybe most

were, but there was that percentage - no matter where you went - who were looking

for easy victims. In seven years of marriage, he had not been able to teach her how

to avoid being one of them.

He opened the door to the school auditorium. The school was sponsoring a play with

reversed roles - students playing the part of parents and vice versa. Carmen and

Jonathan were both in the play, as well as Katie's twins. His decision to stay at the

hacienda last night had nearly caused him to miss it, but that was another story

altogether.

He shut the door and straightened his suit while his eyes adjusted to the dim light.

Somewhere in that sea of people was his family - including his sister and her

husband. Katie and Bill would be watching Natalie, Matthew and Destiny.

As his eyes adjusted to the light, he started down the side isle. He spotted Katie &

Bill on the second row and waited for an opportunity to catch Katie's attention.

The audience laughed and he glanced up at the stage. Carmen was dressed in a

short pink dress and white tights. She had an oversized lollipop in her hand and her

two front teeth had been colored out. Her long curly blond hair had been pulled up

in pig tails and tied with huge bows. Jonathan was dressed in a dark suit and had a

mustache and goatee. Evidently remembering his lines wasn't near as difficult as

keeping his face straight.

As Alex made his way down to Katie, Carmen left the stage. The curtains closed and

the lights came on. He walked around the front row and squeezed down the

shortest route. Destiny spotted him first and stood on her chair, bouncing up and

down with excitement.

"Look! Daddy's here!"

The echo of little voices inspired several snickers from around them.



He plucked Natalie from her chair and sat down between Katie and Destiny.

Matthew leaned out from between Katie and Bill.

"Daee," he cooed, reaching for him. His brown eyes were intent as he tried to

navigate Katie's lap.

Katie giggled and assisted him so that he could hug his daddy, but kept him in her

lap. Alex hugged Matthew and kissed him before turning his attention to Natalie.

She was quiet and reserved for a two year old. Her gaze was fixed on him,

something obviously going on behind eyes that couldn't decide whether they were

green or blue. Mums said that was what Carmen's eyes looked like when she was a

baby. One of Natalie's fingers twisted a curly blond lock while the other hand held a

thumb firmly in her mouth.

Destiny grabbed Alex around the neck and planted a wet kiss on his cheek.

"I missed you, Daddy!"

Her auburn curls were drawn up into a decorative band at the side of her head.

Gray eyes studied him, waiting for a response.

He kissed her. "I missed you all too, sweetheart." He hugged her for a moment and

then released her. "Now sit down. They're getting ready to open the curtains again."

Katie smiled at him. "I thought you were going to miss it."

As the curtain lifted, the props had been changed so the room looked like a kitchen,

with cardboard cut-out's of stove, sink and refrigerator. A table had been placed in

the middle, and Jonathan sat at it, disguised as a man with graying hair. A studentin a gray wig and exaggerated backside was at the sink, pretending to wash dishes.

She turned to Jonathan and asked where Susie was. He replied that she was still

primping.

Carmen arrived on stage with an energy that kept her ponytail bobbing. She was

dressed in typical teenage garb and her large amethyst eyes were accentuated with

heavy makeup. She wore black leggings and a mini-skirt with a dropped waistline.

The halter top she wore exposed her trim midriff. In spite of the fact that she was

now 32, she actually looked like a teenager. Being petite helped, but she still had

the smooth lines of a young girl.

He barely noticed the others as Carmen played her part. She was still beautiful - still

had that innocent look about her. No wonder they selected her for the part. It was a

skit about the typical problems faced by both adults and students. Jonathan was

doing a surprisingly convincing job on his part.

Katie leaned toward Alex. "She's so cute, and Jonathan looks like a little man."

He nodded, not removing his attention from Carmen.



Katie lowered her voice. "Do you want me to watch the kids tonight?"

He glanced at her, his neck growing warm.

"No, I haven't seen them in two weeks."

Katie shrugged. "Well, if you change your mind ..."

"Where are Jim & Tim?" he asked.

She made a face. "You missed them. Our twins were in the first skit."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "It's alright. Carmen was a little disappointed, though. She'll be glad

you got to see the rest of it."

When the play was over, he left the children with Katie and Bill and went back

stage. He found Carmen talking to the principle. Her head was tipped back so thatshe could see his face and her excitement was personified in the dancing of her

pony tail. She looked so lovely in that garb that he simply stood and watched in

silence.

The principle glanced up and saw him and Carmen followed his gaze. At first she

looked surprised, and then her eyes lit up like two gems.

"Alex!" she exclaimed and ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck. "Oh," she

gasped. "I missed you SO much!"

He gripped her waist with his hands, preventing her from getting an inch closer orfurther away.

"You look beautiful," he said.

She smiled up at him sweetly, that tiny dimple playing at the corner of her mouth.

"How did you like the play?"

"You all did a good job," he said. "Are you ready to go home?"

Carmen turned and looked at the principle. "I need to help clean up."

The principle waived a hand. "Go on. You've done your part."

Carmen looked relieved. Every emotion she experienced used to be written on her

face. Tonight was like that. It was a pleasant reminder of the innocent bride he once

knew.

Carmen moved to his side and put an arm around his waist. Gazing up at him, she

sighed.



"I was afraid you would miss it all, but I was glad to hear you decided to spend a

little more time with your father."

He squeezed her shoulders with one arm. Let her think that was the reason for his

delay. He was sworn to secrecy anyway."I'm starving. Why don't we stop and get

pizza?"

She smiled. "I've got everything ready for supper. I just need to warm it. I'll get

Natalie, Matthew and Destiny. Can you get Jonathan? I'll have supper on the table

by the time you two get home."

It seemed an unlikely prospect, but on issues where the children were involved, she

was generally correct. She had once told him that children were her greatest dream

... next to a husband, she had amended. Her expression confessed that the first

statement was true, though. Once that fact had gnawed at him, but he had come to

terms with it. She had the children now and she was still a devoted wife. They had

been through a lot, and she had stood beside him. He was a lucky man - but not

because he had a wife who wanted him to be in control, as Katie believed.

Carmen had been raised poor by aging and conservative parents who were old time

religious. She had been protected from outside influence - partly by having no

television and partly by the fact that neither of her parents worked away from the

home. Her father farmed 80 acres and her mother worked hard. From what Mums

said, she generally did without any of the luxuries that other women took for

granted. That might explain why Carmen was content with so little, but some

people brought up in those circumstances would be even more determined not to

live that way. Carmen was one of the most selfless people he had ever met -

probably much like her mother.

Carmen was certain that her parents would have loved him, but he wasn't so sure.

More likely they would have thought he was leading their daughter astray. Maybe

he was. He had talked her into surrogacy even though she believed it was wrong.

Even now he was helping Katie push her out into the wicked world. He had spent

years encouraging her to become involved with the rest of the world. Now that she

was doing so, she was becoming more independent. That was a good thing - or so

he kept telling himself. Unfortunately, the more independent she became, the less

she listened to his advice.

Katie insisted that Carmen had been a door mat where he was concerned. To hisway of thinking, Carmen drifted his way most of the time because she either agreed

or it didn't matter. Katie had reason to know how stubborn and spirited Carmen

could be when she did care. Katie was right about one thing, though. Carmen had

withdrawn from the world outside their home and he had been enabling her.



It took nearly a half hour to find Jonathan and another fifteen minutes to separate

him from two attractive girls. Jonathan was poised to enter his teens in style and a

deformed left arm wasn't going to hold him back. No surprise there. It never had.

Still, he was a good looking boy - tall for his age and lean. Carmen said he had

learned the gift of gab from his Dad, but Jonathan had always been perceptive

about people. Maybe he had learned it from his mother, or maybe he had inheritedthe tendency.

Jonathan was silent so long on the way home that Alex prodded him for a reason.

"Are you tired?" Alex asked, keeping his eyes on the road."No ..." Jonathan

hesitated.Alex glanced at him and raised a brow.

Jonathan shrugged. "I'm just thinking." Alex said nothing. When he was ready,

Jonathan would talk.

Jonathan stared out the window for a while. Finally he spoke.

"I'm trying to get a group together for a band."

He was good enough with the violin now. The band wasn't a bad idea - as long as he

wasn't doing it to impress the girls. School was out for the summer, but by the time

they could get a band going good, it would be time to go back. Carmen would want

to encourage him in this and Katie would consider it a social achievement.

Alex rubbed the back of his neck. "Have you talked to your mom about it?"

Jonathan nodded. "She said to ask you."

He was the default for most of the decisions she felt uncomfortable about making,

but those decisions rarely included the children. Maybe he was supposed to lecture

him about girls again. A father could go only so far with things like that until the son

would cease to listen. If it were something specific, it would be one thing, but

Jonathan was a good boy and he didn't want to stifle him the way Carmen's parents

did her.

He maneuvered a turn. "Don't let your grades suffer."

Jonathan's blue eyes sparkled as he smiled with relief. "I won't."

By the time they arrived at home, Carmen had supper on the table. She had

changed her clothes and washed the makeup from her face. Katie had been helping

her select clothing and she certainly knew how to make the most of Carmen's soft

curves. The lavender striped knit top exposed soft shoulders and the beginning



swell of generous breasts as modestly as it did her smooth flat midriff. The faded

jeans circled her slender hips slightly below the naval. Every inch of her was firm

from working outside, and the tan simply put a finishing touch to all of it

When his gaze returned to hers, she was smiling - enjoying the attention. There was

a time when she would have blushed, but that time was gone. Sometimes hemissed that innocence.

Supper was the usual savory cuisine and pleasant conversation. Much as he wanted

to talk to Carmen, he opted for a ride afterward. There were things he still needed

to sort out and Carmen was a distraction - a delightful one for sure, but a distraction

all the same. It wasn't unusual for him to unwind after a trip by taking a ride and

Carmen accepted it with the usual grace.

The Appaloosa tossed his head in anticipation. He could depend on Carmen to take

good care of the stallion in his absence, but the horse missed him - or maybe it was

the other way around. Their relationship went back a long way - almost twenty

years. A gift from his Dad, Ed had always been a good friend and listener.

The evening was already casting long shadows when he leaned down from the

saddle and opened the gate to the south pasture. He breathed deeply of the early

summer air and closed his eyes, enjoying the smell of the horse and sound of

creaking leather. A whippoorwill was calling down by the creek, beginning each

chorus with a kiss. Tree frogs were chirping so abundantly that they sounded like

crickets. This was home more than any place he had ever lived.

As he rode, problems bobbed to the surface of his mind like driftwood released from

quicksand - ready to be plucked from the surface and worked into something

useable. He had intended to spend a few hours with his family in Texas while he

waited for his flight out of Houston. That was the plan, but after talking to his father

and Morino, he decided to stay the night. They had decided that their discussion

that night would stay between the three of them for a while. It would upset the girls

if they knew and there was nothing they could do about it anyway. At least for the

present, the fewer people who knew, the better.

Yesterday he had been numb with shock, but today his mind had been painfully

active. Mortality had been uppermost on his mind during the flight back - first his

own and then Carmen's. Still, a person could go only so far in planning their life.

After that, luck took over.

This was one time he wanted to talk to Carmen. Ultimately it would probably impact

their lives and she would have insight he needed. In the meantime he had been

placed in the center of a controversy he alone couldn't resolve. In fact, the two most

important people had been left out of their confidence. It wasn't forever, though. He

had promised not to tell anyone until later. Until then he could only wait and see

how things played out.



In the meantime he needed to encourage Carmen to become more careful about

her own safety. That wasn't going to be easy. From the day he met her - when she

needlessly challenged the fox in the chicken house - it had been apparent that she

needed his protection. Carmen plunged into things courageously without taking the

time to think things through. It had been so with the wild dogs - and the bear. Even

her loyal defense of Brutus against the wild dogs had included a needless risk to herlife. He couldn't protect her all the time, though. He had created her dependency on

his judgment and now it was up to him to make sure she learned to defend herself.

The phone call from Gerald yesterday provided the perfect opportunity.

Gerald and two other men wanted to rent Carmen's house for three weeks this

summer. It was the perfect excuse to teach Carmen how to handle a gun. She would

need to guide the men up into the hills. He would be at work, so she would be on

her own. In any case, the house rental was her business and she needed to gain the

confidence of running it without his direction.

By the time he returned to the barn, it was getting dark. He unsaddled Ed andrubbed him down before putting him in his stall. He tossed in some fresh alfalfa hay

and glanced around the barn. It was tidy - and empty. It seemed strange to have

only Ed in the barn. At least that was one way Carmen had shown initiative. She had

finally separated Ed from his daughters before inbreeding began. The mares were

now kept in the renovated dairy barn and they ran in a separate pasture. Ed wasn't

too crazy about the arrangement, but castrating a 23-year old stallion wasn't

something he would want to do even if it wasn't his friend. Ed was still a good stud,

throwing a majority of quality fillies.

Alex turned the light off in the barn as he left. Carmen was waiting and he was

ready to give her his full attention - as soon as they got the children to bed.

Chapter One

Carmen watched from the porch as Alex leaned down from his horse and opened thepasture gate. He looked so elegant in that suit, and yet he moved as if the horse werepart of him. Alex was an accomplished horseman – a fact she had discovered whenthey visited his father’s ranch in Texas. In the two years since, he seemed to be gettingcloser to a normal relationship with his father, so when he called to say he was stayingan extra day, it was a relief. Yet something was wrong. There was nothing unusualabout Alex riding Ed to unwind after a trip, but this was the first time he had done so

without changing his clothes.

She sighed heavily and glanced down at Matthew. His tiny fist clutched the outer seam of her jeans. His chocolate gaze was fixed on her face, exploring every inch of it.He was so much like Alex. She lifted him into her arms and opened the door to thehouse. Alex would be back when he finished working out his issues.

“Mommy’s little angel,” she whispered to Matthew, and kissed his soft dark hair.



Inside, she sat down on the window seat with him. Immediately Natalie joined them,climbing onto her lap. Natalie pushed at Matthew, struggling to find equal place inmama’s arms.

“Don’t shove Matthew, honey.”

Carmen shifted him to one arm and allowed Natalie to settle into her lap. All of thechildren missed Alex when he was gone, but it seemed that Natalie missed him themost. Maybe it was the age. Destiny was that way when she was younger. Now nothingseemed to trouble her for long. She was interested in everything and everyone. Shewas such a happy girl. Jonathan had a pleasant nature as well. Maybe it was because

Alex was such a good influence. He was so confident and seemed to always know whathe wanted. A man with a plan – that was Alex.

She picked up a book to read to them and rested her back against the wall.Matthew snuggled against her, trying to get into a position to suckle. Carmen shifted her

body, foiling his attempt. Alex had warned her against nursing him too long, but itseemed right at the time.

Natalie shoved a thumb in her mouth and stared at the book. Matthew whined alittle, but finally settled down, lulled by the sound of her voice as she read.

By the time Alex returned, the twins were asleep. Alex helped her put them in bedbefore Destiny latched on to him. When he sat down in his recliner, she brought him her favorite book. Carmen and Jonathan folded clothes while they listened to him read.

It was good to have things back to normal again. His deep voice was so muchbetter than television. Jonathan nudged Carmen’s arm with his elbow and snickered

softly. Destiny’s eyelids kept drooping and then she would open her eyes wide as if afraid she might miss something good.

When Destiny finally fell asleep, Alex carried her to her room. Jonathan picked uphis clothes and said goodnight before retiring to his room. A few minutes later the softrefrain of a violin drifted into the kitchen. Carmen listened while loading the supper dishes in the dishwasher. He was getting so good.

Alex came back into the living room and glanced at her before striding to his chair.Within seconds he was absorbed in the evening paper. He’d tell her what was on hismind eventually – when he was ready.

She sighed. Katie wouldn’t approve of that attitude. Katie accused her of allowing Alex to make decisions because she had no confidence in herself – and that Alex wastaking advantage of her because he had a controlling personality. Alex did like to be incontrol, there was no denying that, but he certainly didn’t dominate her. They discussedthings. He simply had the final say – most of the time. Alex was better educated andhad more business experience. That was fact, not lack of confidence speaking. If shefelt more comfortable with him at the helm, he could hardly be accused of controlling



her. Still, maybe Alex was tired of the responsibility. More important, she wasn’t going togain experience by leaving it all to him.

Under Katie’s tutelage, she was gaining confidence. Still, Alex was her knight inshining armor. Sure, he had faults – like being secretive. Mums always said that youhad to learn to look over their faults – forgive them as you would want them to forgiveyours. Still, in most ways Alex was the perfect husband. He was sweet and thoughtful,protective and an ardent lover. Yet from the beginning, too many important facts hadbeen shrouded in secrecy. First it had been his inability to have children; then money;and finally, a family. What next? As Katie had pointed out, if she had shown a healthyinterest, she would have detected something. Maybe so, but she didn’t want to be anosy suspicious wife. If you trusted a man, you allowed him some privacy. As it turnedout, nothing he had kept secret was actually detrimental to their relationship. She hadprotested the morality of AI until she lost her uterus, finally giving in to surrogacy a fewyears ago. Children had been a possibility after all. The wealth he had never concealed.In fact, he had repeatedly encouraged her to browse his financial records. She hadrefused because money had no part in her attraction to him – or maybe because shewas afraid he would think that was why she married him. Those things he didn’t hide,but he did hide his family. Alex was the reluctant heir to an enormous amount of landand money. Sometimes it was difficult to accept that he actually preferred this lifestyle. Ithad occurred to her that he was avoiding responsibility. Yet Alex was the mostresponsible person she had ever met. Still, people did change. He might decide toaccept that inheritance. Where would that leave her? Of course, she was his wife andshe would follow him to the end of the Earth - but what about him? Would he grow tiredof her?

Maybe that was why both he and Katie were encouraging her to change. Certainly itwas the main reason she was trying to improve – to keep him interested. At first it was

exciting, like playing dress-up, but now it felt insincere and she was afraid he would seethrough the façade. Alex always seemed to know what was on her mind. Maybe heknew and thought she would adjust. Maybe she would. Still, what was it Dad used tosay? “You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.” Was it even in her? She had totry ... for Alex.

She closed the dishwasher door and turned it on. Pouring two cups of coffee, sheheaded for the living room. She set one steaming cup on a coaster beside him andplaced hers on the window sill. Sinking to the window seat, she watched him read thepaper. She had missed their evening chats in the last two weeks. Still, these seminarshelped him stay competitive with his veterinary clinic. Alex was competitive by nature,

but being a veterinarian had always been his dream. If you loved a man, you shared hisdreams.

Alex methodically folded the paper, his gaze roving over her face. He rose from hischair and removed his jacket, carefully folding it and laying it over the back of therecliner. Next he removed the vest and placed it neatly beside the jacket. He loosenedhis tie and rolled his sleeves up, exposing weather darkened forearms.



The charcoal gray trousers made the most of his lean torso. He was a delight tobehold.

He picked up his coffee and met her gaze with a touch of humor. With feline grace,he strode across the room. Placing the coffee cup on the window sill, he ran a hand

through thick black hair that curled in all the right places. He was uncomfortable for some reason. He kicked his shoes off beside the window seat and sat down on theopposite end from her. Picking up his coffee cup, he finally settled back against the wall.His gaze drifted over her face before settling on her eyes. The smooth bronze featureswere sober as he spoke.

“They’re all asleep now except Jonathan, and he’s in bed.”

As she met that sweet chocolate gaze, her pulse did the usual dance. He was sogood looking and had such a sexy voice. He was the whole package, for sure. Onceagain she was struck by their mysterious attraction to each other. They were total

opposites in many ways.

“I missed you,” she said.

“I missed you too, sweetheart.”

She sighed and leaned back against the wall.

You must have had a lot on your mind tonight.”

He frowned. “I’m sorry. I’m afraid I lost track of time while I was riding.”

She smiled. “I meant because you didn’t change your clothes before you went for aride.”

“Oh.” He glanced down at his clothes. “Actually, the suit is comfortable enough - theoxfords, not so much.”

He was drawing the subject away. Why?”

“So how was the visit with your father? Did the two of you get along okay? Is hebugging you about the inheritance again?”

“We got along fine.”

It was hard to tell whether he was being secretive or there simply wasn’t anything totell.

“How was the seminar?”

He sipped his coffee before responding.

“Informative – worth the trip, I guess.”



She smiled. “How about the visit with your father? Did you two talk much?”

He shrugged. “For a while.”

“How are Felipa and Alondra?”

“They’re doing fine.” He sipped his coffee again. “You’re looking especially nicetonight.”

“Thank you.”

He obviously didn’t want to discuss his visit to the hacienda. It was frustrating, butthe only thing she was accomplishing with this interrogation was making their conversation stiff and formal.

She leaned forward and launched a new subject.

“While you were gone I had the sign painted on Dad’s old truck.”

His brows lifted. “AWS?”

She nodded. “And then in smaller letters below it: American Wildlife Safari. I chosesilver for the lettering. It looks so nice on that electric blue.”

He took another sip of his coffee and then absently set it on the window sill.Something was troubling him and he was trying to figure out the best way to approachit.

She sighed. “You wanted to make the arrangements yourself?”

He glanced up quickly. “No. I’m sure it looks great. In any case, it’s your truck –your business.”

Actually, technically it was their collective business, but there was no point ingetting into that right now. She nodded.

“Yes, it’s my truck, but you’re the one who had it restored.”

His smile was wry. “For you.”

She shrugged. “It was a nice birthday present. I’m sure Dad would have loved to

see his old ’65 Ford restored like that.”

He shifted his attention to the window and stared out into the moonlit night. He hadrestored the truck and the house. Was he agonizing about leaving them behind? Did hewant to tell her they were moving to Texas?

He cleared his throat and met her inquiring gaze.



“I talked to Gerald. He wants to rent your house – he and a couple of other guys. Itold him you were ready.”

So that was it. He had booked some customers for her. This wouldn’t be like their annual snowbirds who simply wanted to escape the cold winters up north, though. The

Sanders had even helped her with the chores sometimes. It wouldn’t be that way withhis friends.

“But I’m not ready,” she said.

His brows lifted and a faint smile touched the corners of his lips.

“Sure you are. All you need is a little confidence. You’ll build that as you work. I’lltake you up to the mountain to scout out a safe trail. You need to do a little targetpractice too. I’ll help you with that.

He’d help her alright. He’d show her how he wanted it done. Would it ever actuallybe her business? How would he feel if she started organizing his clinic? But that wasn’tfair. He was merely protecting his investment. If she had secured a loan to get her business started, they would have made their own stipulations. At least this way shehad no loan payments – no set business income to meet every month. And yet, her childhood dream of a horse ranch had fizzled out. He would be disappointed in her if heknew. She still wanted horses, but how could she tell him that she had stolen his dream

– that the safari was her greatest interest now? Maybe it was simply that she hadachieved her dream of a horse ranch and was moving on to the next – taking over hisdream. She forced her mind back to the current issue.

“When is he ... are they coming?

He shrugged. “That’s up to the two of you. I gave him your cell phone number.”

She sighed again and leaned back against the wall, gazing out the window at theold renovated house. The cream colored siding looked iridescent in the moonlight. Thewindows were blank. The Sanders had been gone almost two months now and she hadmade no attempt to rent the house. She should take more interest in it – if only for hissake. Then again, if she gained more confidence, maybe it would make both Alex andKatie feel that she wasn’t a lost cause. It was her responsibility now and having a jobwould give her the opportunity for a more modern approach to being a wife and mother.It would be good for the children as well. It might prevent them from feeling as out of

place as she did in her youth.

His voice startled her out of her thoughts.

“I think Jonathan really enjoyed the play tonight.”

He picked up his coffee cup and took a drink.



She smiled. “He was very good. I think right now he’d do anything to get theattention of the girls.” She made a face. “The only thing boys his age think about ispropagate, propagate.”

Alex choked on his coffee and set the cup back on the sill. His eyes sparkled with

humor and the dimple appeared under one eye.

“Carmen!” he finally exclaimed.

She grinned. “You know what I mean.”

He chuckled. “I think I speak for all men when I say that word never crossed mymind.”

She sobered. “Maybe it would be better if it crossed his.”

He nodded and sobered. “I’ll talk to him.” His voice lowered and he spoke softly.

“Now let’s forget about everything else for a while.” He sat up straight and motioned her to join him on his side of the window seat.

His sultry expression quickened her pulse. He smiled, obviously well aware of her unspoken thoughts. The rest of the night was theirs to spend as they pleased.

She slid to his side and snuggled against him. When his arms surrounded her, theworld outside them ceased to exist. He smelled of expensive cologne and felt warmagainst her chest.

His index finger lifted her chin and he softly kissed her forehead.

“Mi pequeña flor.“

She closed her eyes and sighed in contentment. “Which flower?”

He chuckled. “Es importante”

She shrugged. “I guess not.”

At the moment his French lesson was unwelcome. If she wanted to learn French or Spanish, she’d take lessons. Right now it was enough to hear his deep voice,regardless of which language he spoke. She tipped her head back, inviting his lips to

join hers. When he kissed a hot trail down her neck, she moaned with pleasure.

“Oh Alex, I love you so much.”

His reply was a soft groan as his fingers caressed their way down her back. Heguided her closer, his lips seeking hers in hungry response.



The one good thing about Alex being gone for two weeks was the way he made upfor lost time. He had always been a good lover, but maybe absence did make the heartgrow fonder.

Chapter Two

Even though her ten year class reunion was scheduled for Saturday afternoon, Alexchose that morning to start her training. Immediately after breakfast he took them all outfor a buggy ride. Ed kept looking back as if to ask how many more people they thoughthe could pull. Soon the surrey would be altered for two horses.

Alex took them to the place where he target practiced with Bill and Jonathan.Pulling her rifle from the box under the seat, he left Jonathan with the younger childrenand walked Carmen to a spot facing the target.

It wasn’t the first time Carmen had used a gun, but it was the first time Alex hadseen her use one. Dad had taught her how to shoot when she was only ten years old.She hadn’t practiced since she had met Alex, though. To her, the rifle was a method of defending herself or getting food when there would otherwise be none. Alex had beenaround to protect her for the last seven years – physically and financially. Regardless,she didn’t like to shoot with anything but a camera - and they didn’t need the food.

In spite of the time lapse between practice sessions, she did well enough to win hispraise. There had always been a loaded gun in their house when she was young. Dadhad taught her early that it was a weapon, not a toy. She had shot a few rabbits with it,and once a skunk that threatened the chickens. Other than that, she had given his gunlittle use. She had given his rifle to Josh before she met Alex. After Josh died, Lori hadgiven it back to her. Alex had taken care of it all this time.

Jonathan was eager to get his turn, so Carmen watched Matthew, Natalie andDestiny. Alex had taught Jonathan to shoot the first year after they had adopted him, buttoday he still got the same precautionary lecture that her father had given her. It wastimes like this that she realized how much they had in common. It was difficult to believethat Alex had been brought up wealthy. But then, maybe things weren’t that different for wealthy people.

Destiny covered her ears after the first shot. Matthew whined while Carmen cuddledhim, and Natalie couldn’t be consoled until Alex lifted her from the carriage. The session

was mercifully short and they decided to go to check out the renovated house and makesure it was ready for the new renters.

Once in the house, they all scattered. The children ran upstairs and Alex set out tocheck the bathroom for leaks. Carmen changed filters and turned on the air conditioner for the summer. With that done, she went to the kitchen. The refrigerator was clean andthere was no sign of mice or insects.



As she closed the cabinet door under the sink and straightened, gentle hands foundher waist. She straightened, allowing Alex to pull her back against his warm muscular body. His voice was low at her ear.

“Are you looking for something to eat?” He asked, and then chuckled.

She relaxed against him and sighed. “It looks like Jonathan has been here ahead of me.”

He laughed softly and slid his arms around her, kissing her on the neck.

“When he and Destiny go to school this fall, why don’t we take a vacation – just youand I?”

She turned her head, avoiding his lips as she spoke.

“We couldn’t do that. Jonathan and Destiny might understand, but the twins

wouldn’t.”

He sighed. “I guess not.”

She turned and captured his neck in the loop of her arms. Meeting his gaze, shesmiled.

“Though I must admit it is tempting.”

He kissed her lips briefly. “We should have gone when it was only the two of us.”

She giggled. “What was there to get away from then?”

He lifted a brow. “Get away? Am I to understand you would like to get away fromour children?”

She wrinkled her nose. “Maybe for a few days. I’d like to spend a few days in your arms - with no interruptions.”

He chuckled as he drew her close. “That shouldn’t be too difficult to arrange.”

For a moment they kissed – only a moment. Little feet pounded across the livingroom into the kitchen and Destiny interrupted them in an excited voice.

“Mama! A bird built a nest in the flower box and it has little baby birds!”

Carmen broke away from Alex.

“The flower box outside the upstairs window?”

Destiny nodded vigorously. “And the baby birds have their mouths open like this.”



She tipped her head back and opened her little mouth as wide as she could get it.Then she shut her mouth and studied Alex intently.

“Should we help them?” She asked.

Alex was successful in keeping the smile from his lips, but his eyes held a twinkle of amusement.

“Mama bird will be back to feed them.”

At that point Jonathan came into the kitchen with Matthew holding on to one handand Natalie clinging desperately to the hand on his short arm.

“A bird came and brought a great big worm. She tore it up and shoved part of itdown the throat of each of the babies. It was cool!”

Carmen glanced at Alex and he grinned at her.

“Still hungry?”

“I am!” Jonathan proclaimed. “Are we going to have pizza for lunch?”

Carmen stepped around Alex, smiling up at him.

“I thought ... maybe spaghetti?”

He laughed and slapped her playfully on the backside.

“Pizza it is,” he said to Jonathan, but his amused gaze clung to Carmen’s. “Lets

take them out for lunch and then to Katie and Bill’s house. I want to finish somepaperwork before we leave for the reunion.”

At least he was planning on attending. He wasn’t too keen on the idea when shefirst told him about it. She could hardly blame him. He wouldn’t know anyone there. Shetold him she wanted to show him off. In a way, that was true. Alex was quite a treasureand she was proud of him, but the truth was, this was the first time she had been incharge of anything so detailed and she wanted his support. Maybe he knew that. Hewas pretty intuitive.

After they dropped the children off and returned home, Alex worked in his office

while Carmen took a shower and started getting ready. Katie had helped her pick outthe dress. It was the first time she had worn a long dress, but Katie assured her it wouldmake her look taller. Carmen had selected the black sandal heels for that purpose aswell. The black dress was fitted and had off-the-shoulder sleeves. A slit ran down theside from a little above her knee. She left her hair down, brushing it until the long blondecurls shined. Surveying herself in the mirror, she decided that the hanging pearlearrings would set off a little brooch Alex had given her. She was searching in the

jewelry box for it when Alex came into the bedroom.



He stopped and whistled his appreciation.

“You look lovelier than ever tonight.”

She smiled up at him. “Thank you. I thought that little broach you gave me would

look nice on this dress.”

She continued her search and finally found it.

“Here, let me help you,” Alex said.

After pinning it on her dress, he pulled her close.

“We have almost an hour before it starts. Why don’t we take advantage of this timealone?”

She met his hopeful gaze. “It would take me that long to look like this again.”

He lifted a brow. “Well ... it would be worth it, wouldn’t it?”

She wrinkled her nose at him. “I don’t want to be late.”

He sighed and released her. “I guess so,” he said in a disappointed tone.

She giggled and turned to the dresser, closing the jewelry box lid.

Alex cleared his throat. “So what do you want me to wear?”

Carmen glanced up at his image in the mirror. Not once had he ever asked her

what he should wear. He appeared to be serious, though.

“Whatever you want to wear,” she answered as she turned. “It’s up to you. I haveno idea what other people will be wearing.”

He shrugged. “I guess I’ll wear a suit.” His gaze ran over her dress and he lifted abrow. “The black one?”

She eyed him suspiciously. Outwardly he gave no indication that he wasuncomfortable. He appeared to be relaxed. So why would he suddenly want her toselect the clothes he wore to an informal party where he knew no one. Maybe that wasit. Maybe he wanted to make sure he didn’t embarrass her. Fat chance. She was the

country bumpkin, not him.

She smiled. The black suit would be nice. You look so sophisticated in it ... andeverything else.

He favored her with a wry smile. “I’m sure you’re the only one who thinks that.”



While he showered and dressed, she went over the list to make sure nothing hadbeen forgotten. She had the key to the building in her purse. The band had set up lastnight, and the caterers weren’t supposed to be there until 6:00 pm. Everything wasready. Then why was she so nervous?

Once they were in the car, the jitters left. With Alex driving, it felt like he was incontrol again. Katie would think she was backsliding, but that was the way she felt.

They arrived thirty minutes early, but there were already people waiting to get in.She unlocked the door and stepped inside to turn the light on. It was a relief to hear people commenting on how nice the room looked.Some of the people had driven a long way to attend. It was interesting how people haddrifted away. One couple was now living in New Jersey. What was even more surprisingwas the number of people she didn’t recognize. Though, in all fairness, ten years hadchanged some people enormously. While most of the people present had actually

graduated from the same school, a few had moved away before they graduated.Candice was one of them. She had moved to Texas at the end of her junior year.

Carmen was standing at the punch bowl greeting people and Alex was behind her talking to someone when Candice stopped at the table.

“Carmen!” she gasped. “You look absolutely stunning!” She eyed Carmen’s dressappreciably and smiled. “I’ve never seen you in anything so ...” She paused, obviouslyreconsidering what she was about to say.

“Stylish?” Carmen supplied.

Candice blushed. “Flattering,” she amended. “That wasn’t very nice, I guess, butyou always tried to hide your figure – though I can’t for the life of me figure out why.”

Actually, she had never tried to hide her figure. She simply wore what her mother sewed for her. If she had cared about fashion, it might have been an issue. It still didn’tmatter unless she wanted to please Alex – or Katie.

A tall man joined Candice and she turned to him.

“This is my husband, Donald. Donald, this is Carmen Pulock ... umm, I mean ...what is your name now? I heard you got married.”

“Barnett.” Carmen glanced up as Alex joined her. “This is my husband, Alex.”

Alex glanced at Donald as he offered a hand to Candice. When his gaze shifted toCandice, he stiffened, his expression becoming wary.

Candice had started to lift her hand, but it froze as she stared at him. When shefound her voice, it fairly dripped with sarcasm.



“Well, if it isn’t the reluctant prince of Medena Castle.”

Donald’s perplexed gaze went from Candice to Alex and then finally soughtCarmen. No doubt he had no idea what his wife was talking about.

Alex continued to hold out his hand until Candice accepted it.

“I’m sorry,” she said to Alex without explaining her comment.

A few years ago Carmen wouldn’t have had a clue what Candice was talking about.Now she knew Candice was referring to the Medena hacienda and Alex’s reluctance toinherit. What she still didn’t know was how Candice knew and why it annoyed her.

At that moment the band began playing. Carmen turned to Alex.

“I think I’d like to dance now.”

Alex immediately offered an arm and escorted her to the dance floor. As he drewher into the circle of his arms, she followed his steps, wrapping her arms around hisneck. She met his bewildered gaze and wrinkled her nose.”

“Don’t pay any attention to miss snooty-face. I think she’s jealous.”

The smile came so quickly that it seemed the dimple arrived first. He shook hishead, his smile becoming wry again.

“The only thing she feels for me is distain. I’m not sure which of my sins sheconsiders worst - being a Medena offspring or refusing my heritage.”

Carmen gazed up at him as they swayed to the sound of the music.

“I can’t imagine why either would matter to her?”

When he looked uncomfortable, she smiled.

“That’s what I thought.”

“I wasn’t interested in her,” he said quickly.

Carmen lifted her brows. “Oh I know. You had eyes only for Tessa.”

His neck colored and he frowned. “I didn’t even know Tessa then.”

Carmen sighed. “And the list goes on and on.”

They stopped dancing and he gazed down at her with a solemn expression.

“You’re the only one for me, Carmen.”



“I was teasing you, Alex. You were almost thirty when we met. As sweet as you are,I knew I couldn’t be the only one who ever loved you.”

“Sweet?” The wry smile returned and they resumed dancing. “I’m sure my heritageattracted more than anything else.”

Carmen frowned. “Yes, I suppose for those who knew of it when they met you.Money means a lot to some people. But you are sweet ...” She smiled. “Andhandsome.”

He sighed. “She said I thought I was better than her – and my family.”

Carmen laid her head on his chest. Why had it never occurred to her that wealthypeople carried such a burden? When they first met, she had assumed he would bebored without the luxuries she assumed he was accustomed to. People assumed a lotabout others. Alex had endured a lot of embarrassment because of the relationship

between his mother and biological father – and now this. Small wonder he had tried tobury that part of his life.

When the dance ended, Alex got them some punch and they sat down at a table. Afew minutes later they were joined by a girl Carmen hadn’t seen since high school.

“Carmen,” Lillie gasped. “I couldn’t believe it when I saw you dancing with someonebesides Josh! Where is he now?”

Carmen glanced at Alex, but he was watching someone across the room. Surely hewouldn’t be so sensitive about that name now. She turned her attention back to Lillie.

“Josh died in a car accident about five years ago.”

The smile left Lillie’s face. “Oh, I’m sorry.” She glanced at Alex. “How long have youtwo been married?”

“Seven years in August,” Carmen said.

Lillie frowned. “Oh, then you and Josh never married?”

Carmen shook her head. “No.” It wasn’t something she wanted to discuss.

Lillie sighed. “I got married right out of high school. It lasted almost ten years.” She

made a face. “I guess we just grew away from each other.”

“I’m sorry,” Carmen said.

Alex was watching Lillie absently, clearly lost in thought.

A voice announced that the next dance would be a contest – the Cha Cha. Alexcame out of his trance and looked at Carmen, lifting a brow.



Carmen shook her head. “Not me! I barely do a good waltz, and that’s becauseyou’re a good dancer.”

He laughed. “You do fine.”

Lillie perked up. “I can Cha Cha.” She glanced from Carmen to Alex uneasily.

Carmen laughed. “Go ahead, you two. Win the contest.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Alex asked.

“Go!” she said, pushing him playfully.

Lillie was tall – maybe an inch taller than Alex. Once again Carmen was remindedof the fact that Alex wasn’t a tall man. At five-nine, he seemed tall to her – probablybecause she was so short, but possibly because he was so well proportioned.

Alex was lithe and graceful – light on his feet. He managed the attitude of the ChaCha without the usual extreme movement of the hips. Once again he was doingsomething that might be considered effeminate in another man, and yet he lookedtotally masculine. Where did he learn to dance like that?

Lillie twisted and turned, always in perfect time with him. Her dress lifted out,revealing long graceful legs. They were a lovely couple and every eye in the room wason them as they danced to a lively Latin tune.

As she watched, Carmen’s gaze found Candice. The expression on her faceindicated she disapproved. Was Candice jealous? Had there been a relationship

between them? Alex didn’t actually deny a relationship. She sighed. It didn’t matter.That was a long time ago. And yet, the old question returned. Was she holding himback? Tonight she was having fun, but it wasn’t something she would enjoy doing on aregular basis. That might not be true for Alex, though. He was certainly enjoying himself right now. Did he miss the social life he had in Houston? More importantly, would theygrow apart like Lillie and her husband? She forced the thought from her mind. It was aquestion that only time could answer. Marriage required vigilance and maintenance. Itshould never be taken for granted. If seven years with Alex had taught her nothing else,it was that.

“Carmen?”

Carmen glanced up to find a tall blonde standing beside their table.

“I’m Freda,” she said with a smile and stuck out her hand.

Carmen shook her hand. “Yes, I remember you. I think we shared a geometry classthe last year of school.”



“Yes. You helped me with my homework a lot.” She glanced around. “Where’sJosh?”

If Alex had been where he could hear that for the second time tonight, it probablywould have bothered him. Carmen explained what had happened and introduced Alex

with a point of the finger.

“Oh, so he belongs to you. I wondered …He has such kind eyes.”

Yes, Alex did have kind eyes, though she had never actually thought of it that waybefore. Carmen offered a chair at their table, but Freda had friends on the other side of the room. She visited briefly and then joined them.

Not surprising at all, Alex and Lillie won the contest. When they returned to thetable out of breath and laughing, Carmen complimented them. Lillie was glowing withexcitement.

“I just love to do the Cha Cha and Alex is a Prince!”

Carmen looked at Alex. Lillie was the second woman to call him a prince thisevening. She had never thought of him that way, but it did fit. Whether it was love or blood that made his father insist that Alex inherit the estate, Alex was as trapped as aprince.

Alex lifted his brows and shrugged.

She stared absently at her glass of punch. So much was expected of him. It mustbe difficult to live up to so many people’s expectations. Then again, many people would

enjoy the attention. He didn’t seem to mind it tonight. In fact, he appeared to be relaxed – in his element. In the last few years, since he had made peace with his father, he hadfinally brushed the chip from his shoulder. He no longer bristled at the mention of thename Medena, nor did he avoid them. He actually sought them out to spend time withthem, as he had on this last trip. Alex had changed, but had she?

A hand squeezed her shoulder and she glanced up to find Alex watching her.

“I wouldn’t have danced with her if I had known it would bother you.”

She smiled. “It didn’t bother me. It was much more fun watching you two than itwould have been having you pick me up off the floor repeatedly.”

Their conversation was interrupted briefly while a man asked Lillie to dance. Shewas off again, leaving them at the table alone.

“Don’t put yourself down like that.” Alex said. “You’re a good dancer.”

Carmen sobered. “Not like Lillie.”



His brows lifted for a moment. “I have a feeling Lilly likes to party all the time.”

She sighed. “Meaning she’s had a lot of practice?”

He didn’t answer. His gaze moved around the room as he sipped on his glass of

punch.

Carmen studied his face as she spoke.

“I suppose dancing that well would require a lot of practice. So where did youlearn?”

His gaze shot back to her and he choked on his drink, spilling it on his suit.

Carmen grabbed a napkin and began dabbing at the punch. He pushed her handaway and divided his attention between wiping his suit off and coughing. When he hadthem both under control, he finally turned to her, his brows lowered.

“My mother insisted I go to dance school.”

Carmen smiled. “I’m glad she did. Now you can teach me.”

He coughed again and frowned. “The Cha Cha?”

Carmen nodded. “Why not?”

He shook his head. “I never would have guessed you’d be interested. Why don’tyou just take dancing lessons?”

She shrugged. Fair enough. Obviously he resented having to go to dance school.Did he resent everything he was pushed into? She resisted a smile as the answer cameto her instantly. Yes. Maybe that was to be expected of a personality like his. Alex likedto be in full control. Fortunately he was also caring and compassionate.

The evening slipped by and when the band took a break, special requests wereplayed on a stereo. When hers started, she took Alex by the hand and led him to thedance floor.

“This waltz is for you and me,” she said as she turned to face him.

He lifted a brow, a faint smile on his lips. When the music began, he tookpossession of her and they danced around the room. He lead and she followed. If onlylife were that simple. She gazed up at him, softly singing along with the recording.

“I’ll always remember the song they were playing the first time we danced and Iknew. As we swayed to the music and held to each other, I fell in love with you. Could Ihave this dance for the rest of my life? Would you be my partner every night? Whenwe’re together it feels so right. Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?”



As he listened to the words, his gaze traveled over her face. Maybe he wasremembering the first time they danced – in her goat dairy. Was that when she fell inlove with him?

She closed her eyes as they glided around the room, oblivious to the other dancers.If only the rest of their lives could be as blissful as this dance.

The evening flew by and finally they came to the last dance, a waltz. Alex swept her gracefully around the room again while the band played “The Last Waltz.”

By the time they left, she was exhausted. She fell asleep in the truck and wokewhen Alex lifted her out of the vehicle in the garage. She lay in his arms, gazing up athim until he gently lowered her feet to the ground. Her pulse quickened as he drew her into his arms. She removed his tie and opened the first few buttons on his shirt. For a

moment they gazed into each other’s eyes. The feel of his body against hers wasexciting. She slid a hand up his chest and around to the back of his neck, urging hishead down. Lifting her chin for his affection, she forced his lips down to hers.

Their kiss was electrifying – the result of a tantalizing evening in each other’s arms,no doubt. His arms pressed her closer, his smooth lips seeking hers in ardent pleasure.When his lips left hers, they seared a hot trail down her neck and onto her breast.

She groaned and he released her. He unlocked the door and pushed it open beforelifting her into his arms again. This time he carried her into the house and shut the door with a foot. Pausing only long enough to lock it, he carried her to their bedroom. Theywere alone and she had him to herself for the night. For that amount of time, they wouldfall back into their old roles, with Alex in control. She sighed in contentment.

Chapter Three

Carmen woke the next morning to the sound of a rooster crowing. Alex lay against her back with an arm around her; a hand cradling one of her breasts. The soft puff of breathon her neck indicated he was still asleep. It was after six am, but still not full daylight.They were supposed to get up early so that Alex could help her scout out a trail before

church. She didn’t want to move. It was all so cozy and romantic. Alex was the perfecthusband for her. She traced the veins on his hand and caressed his arm. Every inch of him was delightful.

His breathing changed and he moved, kissing her bare shoulder before he spoke.

“We’d better get up if we’re going to scout out that trail before we go to church.”

Carmen sighed. “I suppose.”



He chuckled softly. “It is nice to have the house to ourselves, isn’t it?”

She rolled over to face him, snuggling into his arms. “No interruptions.”

When they kissed, the room lit up with a brilliant flash of lightning.

Alex drew back and lifted a brow. “Wow!”

Carmen’s giggle was drowned by a rumble of thunder.

Alex drew her back into his arms. “No interruptions.”

Their lovemaking lasted only a few minutes before his cell phone rang. He pulledaway with an exasperated sigh and answered the phone. His side of the conversationindicated there was an emergency. He closed the phone and gazed down at her for amoment.

“Apparently I was wrong,” he said in a dejected tone.

She wrinkled her nose and pulled away from him.

“Next time we decide to spend some time alone, I’m going to bury your telephone.”

He chuckled as he crawled out of bed and began dressing. He owned the clinic, sohe could tell them to send someone else, but Alex loved his work. Of course, that wasn’tall of it. Alex was conscientious and he would never ask his employees to do anythinghe wouldn’t do. It was his responsibility and, Alex being the person he was, could donothing but step up to it.

Less than a half hour later he was out the door. As she watched his truck leave theyard, she turned and headed for the shower. She might as well pick up the children.

After a shower, she was dressing when her phone rang. She resisted the urge tofinish dressing before answering it. It wasn’t as if they could see her.

“Hello?” she said as she dressed with the phone to her ear.

“Carmen?” an unfamiliar male voice asked.

“Yes.”

“This is Gerald. Remember me?”

“Oh, yes. Alex said you were going to call.”

Carmen hastily began dressing.

“Alex said you were ready to have guests. I wanted to make a reservation for June – if it’s open.”



Carmen pulled the other arm up and began buttoning her blouse.

“All of June?”

“Three weeks – starting the 30th of May, actually.”

That was less than two weeks away. She would need to take some notes. Sheheaded for Alex’s office, the fingers on her left hand still fumbling with the last button.

Gerald’s voice was concerned. “Is that alright? If you have other plans...”

“No,” she said as she climbed the stairs. “It’s fine. I’m just looking for a piece of paper and pencil.”

“Oh.”

She found a pad and pen on his desk. Slipping into his chair, she continued their

conversation.

“Alright, I’ve got it now. I think Alex said you would have two friends with you?”

“One of my friends and a co-worker of his,” he corrected. “My friend’s name is Aaron Blankenship and his co-worker’s name is Robert Sein. That’s spelled S-e-i-n. Iunderstand he goes by Rob. I haven’t met him yet.” He paused and then added, “Oh,and my last name is Wilson.”

Carmen scribbled the names on a piece of paper. What else did she need to know?She should have asked Alex.

“And you want to rent the house for the first three weeks in June - from May 30thuntil June 21st, is that right?”

“Yes. I don’t know what time we’ll be arriving because we still have to make flightarrangements.”

“Do you need someone to pick you up at the airport?”

“No, we’ll rent a car and drive from there. We will need instructions how to get toyour place, though.”

The rest of their conversation was taken up in directions to the house andinstructions about the rental contract she would fax them. Gerald was easy to talk toand his conversation generally led her in the direction she needed to go. It was a goodthing he was her first summer tenant. Had Alex encouraged him to be? It didn’t matter.

According to Alex, Gerald had expressed interest several years ago – when the summer cottage thing was only an idea.

After the phone call, she finished getting ready for church and faxed the form. Thatout of the way, she left to pick up the children.



Alex joined them at church half way through the sermon, looking handsome andsophisticated in a light gray suit. He quietly slid into the seat next to her. Natalie andMatthew were in the nursery and Jonathan and Destiny were still in Sunday schoolclasses.

After the sermon, they all stood to sing. Alex shared the hymn book with her, hisdeep rich voice strong and confident. He couldn’t carry a tune if she stapled it in a paper bag for him, but he was blissfully unaware of that fact. Each Sunday it was a reminder that there were some things at which he wasn’t accomplished.

After church they all met at Katie and Bill’s house for lunch. The morning storm hadleft a fresh beautiful day and the children were playing in the back yard. Alex, Bill andJonathan were examining a lawn mower that wouldn’t start while Carmen and Katiewere preparing the food. Carmen was telling Katie about the new customers andmentioned that the morning storm had interrupted their plans to scout out a trail.

Katie placed a bowl of mashed potatoes on the table and paused, hands on her hips as she gave Carmen an exasperated look.

“Excuse me, but isn’t that your land and don’t you know every inch of it? You’vespent your entire life there. What makes him think he needs to scout a trail for you?”

Warmth crawled up Carmen’s neck. “Yes, I know the land, but it will ease his mindto know where I’ll be.”

Katie rolled her eyes. “This is your business – literally. Tell him to butt out. Honestly,Carmen, if you don’t take a stand, he’s going to control you all your life.”

Carmen shrugged and smiled. “You’re the only one who seems to be concernedabout that.”

Katie sighed and threw her hands in the air as she turned away. As she opened therefrigerator door, her voice sounded despaired.

“Just about time I think you’re progressing, you back slide. Don’t you have anydesire to be your own person?”

“Of course I do,” Carmen answered crisply as she slid the platter of sliced meatloaf on the table. “He doesn’t question the way I run the house or argue with me about myanimals …”

Katie pulled her head out of the refrigerator, her sharp gaze falling on Carmen.“Your animals, your chores – that’s right. As long as you stick to the things he hasassigned to you, he has no reason to argue.” She pulled the margarine out of therefrigerator and shut the door. “I’ll make you a bet. Let him select a route for you andthen suggest an alternate route. I’ll bet you he gets mad.”



Carmen grinned. “Somehow I think I’ll wind up on the losing side no matter whathappens.” She sobered. “If I don’t care which route I use and he does, why should Icontest him? That’s just inviting problems – stirring up conflict where it doesn’t exist.”

Katie methodically placed the margarine on the table. “Alright, I see your point, but

what about the things you do care about? What about this cell phone thing withJonathan?”

Carmen shrugged. “I said no and Alex is beside me on it. That only proves mypoint.”

Katie’s smile was wry. “He isn’t arguing the point, but is he really supporting your decision?”

Carmen shrugged again. “He has a right to his opinion just like I do. I don’t alwaysagree with his views on how to raise children either, but we don’t contest each other in

front of the children. If we disagree, we do so privately.”

Katie sighed. “Sometimes you’re so naïve. Do you honestly think the kids don’tknow you disagree about it? Did you know Jonathan told our twins that Alex wants toget him a cell phone but you’re being a … unreasonable about it?”

Carmen pushed away the anger her words aroused. Jonathan had reached pubertyin full rebellion, which was one of the reasons she didn’t think he should have a cellphone. He didn’t need a constant source of ideas from friends who were having thesame identity crisis. Lately she had to stay after him to get his chores done. It had allstarted after they came back from their visit to Texas. At first she had thought it wasonly a stage. Maybe it was the continued contact with Alfonso. Some children were

simply bad combinations. Alfonso wasn’t a bad boy, but when he and Jonathan got their heads together, they made some poor choices. The money making scam last summer was a good example. Neither boy had ever been deprived of anything they actuallyneeded. Certainly neither had been taught to misrepresent for their own profit.Fortunately Morino saw the ad for Apple Hors Devours in the local paper andrecognized Alfonso’s cell phone number before they made their first sale. They actuallyhad some horse manure boxed up and ready to ship. Apparently the idea came upwhen the boys heard it called road apples. Alex had been embarrassed, but Morino’sresponse was basically “boys will be boys.” Surprisingly, Senor Medena reprimandedboth Morino and Alfonso. Alfonso lost the use of his cell phone for a month and Alexgrounded Jonathan for the same amount of time.

“I’m sorry,” Katie said. “I guess I shouldn’t have said anything, but don’t you realizethat the way Alex treats you gives Jonathan reason to question your authority?”

Carmen stared at her. Was that possible? Her father had been the final authority,but never had she questioned her mother’s authority. If she had, her father would haveset her straight. Alex would do the same – wouldn’t he?



That evening at home they were eating supper when Jonathan again asked Alex if he could get a cell phone. Alex frowned at him.

“Your mother said no, didn’t she?”

Later, when they were alone, Carmen challenged Alex about his response. Alexlooked surprised.

“I was backing you up,” he said indignantly.

“No,” Carmen said firmly. “You were blaming me – making me responsible for hisdilemma.”

His gaze became distant in thought for a few moments. Finally he rubbed the backof his neck and gave her a chagrined smile.

“Maybe you’re right. I’ll choose my words more carefully next time.”

Katie was wrong about Alex. He made mistakes, but he was willing to takeownership and responsible enough to take corrective action.

Chapter Four

The weekend before her guests were scheduled to arrive, they finally found the time toscout out a trail. They left Natalie, Mathew and Destiny with a sitter. Jonathan waspracticing with some friends for a band they were forming. Maybe the band would helpsettle him down. Jonathan said Alex had told him to ask her for permission. If her

answer had been no, he would have again put her in a position where she would be toblame for Jonathan’s state of unhappiness. Why didn’t Alex make the decision? Hadtheir discussion been for nothing?

They rode double on Ed from the house to the stable. There, Carmen saddledPrincess while Alex waited.

“Today is Ed’s birthday,” she told him as she tightened the cinch. “He’s 23 yearsold.”

Alex nodded, his gaze drifting over her body. “He’s in good condition,” he saidabsently.

Normally she would have welcomed the attention, but his expression was notpleased. She had specifically selected her clothing today to please him. Maybe hethought the weather was too cool for bare shoulders and midriff. It was overcast, butwarm. The knit pants hugged her figure, but they were comfortable and stretched whenshe did.



His gaze lifted to her face. “You’re not going to wear that when you take the guyson a tour, are you?”

Warmth flooded her cheeks as she met his gaze.

“If you didn’t trust me with other men, why did you encourage it?”

He frowned. “I didn’t say that. I didn’t think that.”

She mounted Princess and gazed down at him. “You didn’t say those words, butyou implied I would lead them on.”

The furrows between his brows deepened. “I did not. I only wanted to know …” Hepaused and the furrows vanished as his brows lifted.

“If I would dress this way when I took them on a tour.” She concluded. “No. Idressed this way because I thought you would like it.”

His gaze drifted over her body again and then lifted to her face. “I like it.”

For a moment they looked into each other’s eyes, and then he turned to Ed. He puta foot into the stirrup and mounted in one lithe movement. Turning Ed toward the gate,he leaned over, lifted the latch and pushed it open. Pulling Ed to the side, he allowedCarmen to go through the gate first. As she passed, he grinned.

She smiled and nudged Princess into a lope, leaving him to shut the gate and catchup. It still rankled that he thought she had to be reminded to dress in a professional way.It wasn’t the first time he had made a remark that indicated he was less than pleased

about the way she dressed. Did it embarrass him? While the clothes she wore todaywere comfortable, they certainly wouldn’t have been her choice. Katie chose them, buthe thought they were suggestive. When she selected her clothing, he thought it was oldfashioned. Before the guests arrived, she’d do some shopping on her own. Maybe Alexwouldn’t like that either, but she would.

Alex rode ahead of her. Obviously he had a trail in mind. He’d probably beenthinking about it all week. The trail they followed led around the base of a bluff. Therewas a shorter way up the side of the bluff. She had shown it to him years ago when theyvisited her parent’s graves. He didn’t want her to take that route, though, because it wastoo dangerous. They weren’t in a race, though, and the longer route would give her guests more time to explore.

A few small stones clattered down the bluff and they glanced up in time to see abighorn sheep. Two lambs followed their mother as the ewe leaped from one ledge toanother. This was why their guests would enjoy the route. Alex knew the sheep likedthis area. There were three of them … well, six now. Three lambs had been born thisspring.



Alex glanced back at her and grinned. “Gerald should find this route rewarding.”The smile faded. “If I can find a good way up to those ruins.” He glanced around. “Ithought the creek was close, but I don’t hear it.”

Carmen urged Princess up beside Ed and pointed. “It’s over there. I suppose the

rain this week has it flowing faster.”

They paused at the creek while Ed and Princess drank. The water moved silentlyover moss and lichen covered slabs of rocks, forming small pools in the low spots. Asudden breeze whistled through the trees over them, startling the horses. Their heads

jerked up, water dripping from their muzzles as they looked around, their ears perkedforward searching for any sound that might indicate danger. Leather creaked as Alexshifted in the saddle. Honeysuckle blossoms sent a sweet invitation and a bee buzzedby them in answer. Ed snorted and returned to drinking. Princess nickered and steppedforward. She was ready to move on.

Alex urged Ed into a walk and they continued their mission. They found the ruinsabout a mile further where the creek followed a gorge between two high cliffs. Her father had discovered the rock cluster shortly after he bought the land. He thought it might bea shelter that Civil War soldiers had built. Large rocks had been stacked, forming anoutside wall that made a room under an overhanging cliff. It was close to water but highenough to escape floods. How long had they lived there? Was it in the winter or summer? Her gaze lifted to the top of the cliff on her right.

High above them were the graves of her parents. She and her father had buriedMom’s ashes there, and then after he died, Josh had helped her bury his ashes theretoo. She shivered. This place always gave her the creeps. It was different standing

beside what was left of her parents and looking down. Down here it was as if the ghostsof soldiers wandered. Did they die here – from hunger?

She sighed. “I hope no one wants to spend too much time here.”

Alex turned quickly and studied her face. “Why?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I just don’t like it here.”

His gaze lifted to the cliff top. “I suppose it would be a sad memory.”

He used to be able to read her every thought, but lately he seemed to do more

misreading than anything else. In this case, it didn’t matter, though. Better he shouldthink it was a sad memory than to think she was afraid of ghosts.

The route Alex chose meandered through the gorge and then up a steep deer trailto the top of the mountain. They stopped at the spring where they had found the deadlonghorn bull years ago and dismounted to let the horses rest. This was where they haddiscovered the mother bear that Alex had to kill. That was the summer he learned athird language – sign language. That was the summer he had been stabbed and lost hisvoice – nearly lost his life. In seven years they had made more memories on her place



than she had in the previous twenty-five. This was her land in name only. It was a partof both of them. She glanced up to find Alex watching her in a strange way.

“Are you nervous?”

She frowned. “Nervous? About what?”

“About your guests.”

She smiled. “If you’re wondering if I’m concerned about being up here alone withthree strange men, the answer is no. You wouldn’t have allowed them to come here if you didn’t trust them.”

His brows shot up. “I haven’t even met two of them.”

She met his gaze. “Then you must have a lot of confidence in Gerald.”

He nodded soberly. “That I do, but I’m not going to know all of your guests. You’ll

have to develop some skill in reading people if you want to make this a business.”

Actually, she wasn’t that interested in making a business out of it, but she felt theneed to make some monetary contribution to their marriage. He had left the farm in her name and it was up to her to see that it was productive.

Alex was trying his best to teach her to be independent. Why, after years of insistence on domination? Katie was probably the cause for this latest change. Maybethey were both putting too much faith in Katie. Who was Katie to teach her independence anyway? Seven years ago Katie had insisted Carmen was tooindependent. Of course, that was before she met Alex and surrendered everything in

marriage.

She leaned against a pine tree, her gaze falling on a little green snake with stripeson it. She looked away, trying not to bring his attention to it. Alex had a phobia aboutserpents.

Alex sucked in a quick breath and grabbed her arm, jerking her toward him. “Lookout!”

She smiled and spoke in a calm voice. ”It’s only a garden snake.”

His brows furrowed. “It’s a snake and you almost stepped on it. What if it had been

a rattler?”

She grinned. “I guess it would have died after it bit me. I should take better care of our wildlife.”

He rolled his eyes. “You see, this is what I mean. You’re careful about everyoneelse, but careless about your own safety.”



She frowned. “Is that what’s been in your craw lately? I saw it and I knew it wasn’tpoisonous. Anyway, danger is all around us. You can’t live inside a bubble, you know.”

“I know that, but you set yourself up for it.”

She frowned. “How?”

He eyed her for a moment, as though he couldn’t understand why she didn’t know.Finally he shrugged. “Like telling everyone I was gone for two weeks. You should knowhow dangerous that could be.”

She stared at him for a moment. “I didn’t tell anyone that you were gone.”

Arms folded over his chest, his expression indicated he thought he had trapped her in a lie.

“Then how did they know?”

She exhaled in a silent snort. “Let me guess,” she said sarcastically. “Someonecalled the office and asked for you?”

“His gaze drifted over her face and then color started up his neck. His armsdropped to his side and he rubbed the back of his neck again.

“I suppose that could have happened.”

She sighed. “I appreciate your concern, but I can take care of myself.”

His gaze shot back to her face and he shook his head, groaning. “That phrase

usually comes out of your mouth right before you do something really st…” He cut thesentence short and turned to Ed. “Let’s get back to the house.

She mounted Princess and followed him. Something stupid? Certainly she haddone her share of stupid things. Okay, maybe more than her share, but he wasn’texactly immune.

They rode out of the forest on the hillside above the guest house and rested thehorses again. She planned to leave Princess at the stable and ride with him the rest of the way to the house.

His gaze settled on her. “Do you think you can remember that route?”

She choked down a sharp response and met his gaze. “Is that the route yourecommend?”

A wry smile twisted his lips and the dark eyes reflected humor. “That’s the route I’dlike you to take.”

She nodded. “I’ll take it under advisement.”



Actually, there was nothing wrong with the route and normally she would haveaccepted his request without comment. This time Katie’s words hung between them. Hewas demeaning her. She was more familiar with the land than he was. His wasn’t theonly route and despite his opinion, she was as capable of finding a safe route as hewas. Furthermore, she wasn’t stupid.

She nudged Princess forward. “I’ll meet you at the house. I want to work in the barnfor a while.”

She left him there and didn’t look back until she reached the barn. He was stillwatching her – probably wondering what he had done to irritate her – maybe evenwondering if she was upset or merely busy. It was amazing how someone could be soperceptive at one moment and clueless the next.

She led Princess into a stall and removed the saddle and bridle. Then she threw aleaf of alfalfa hay into her stall. Grabbing a bucket, she headed for what used to be her

goat dairy. It had been converted to a tack room but the faucet was handy for wateringthe horses. Alex had helped her with the conversion

She sighed. Katie had her questioning his every motive. She didn’t need his help.She could hire someone for that. What she wanted was his direction. What she neededwas his companionship. Already she missed him. It wasn’t often that they had time tothemselves. Why was she allowing Katie to influence her thoughts and actions?

Still, Katie was right to a degree. Unless she stood up to him, she would never learnto run the business. He wanted her to be more independent, but when she tried, hehung on to her. He’d get over these butterflies about letting her run the business whenhe discovered she could do it without his direction. Until then she would have to run itthe way she saw fit.

She carried the water to Princess and then crossed the tack room to the other section of the barn. She left the tack room door open while she stacked the newestdelivery of hay. The smell of alfalfa and leather soothed her nerves. Nerves? Maybe

Alex was right. Maybe she was letting the stress of the new responsibilities get her down.

Music drifted in from the tack room. Alex must have turned it on. She glanced up ashe came to the doorway. He watched her lift a bale of hay and step up on the pile. In aninstant he was beside her, trying to take the bale from her hands.

“Here, let me do that. You shouldn’t be lifting things that heavy. Why don’t you hiresomeone to help you with all this stuff?”

She surrendered the bale to him and watched him toss it on top of the pile. Shesighed.

“Is this another thing I can’t do by myself? I wonder if you fret all day about thingsbeing done right.



Her question caught him as he lifted another bale. He stopped, his gaze searchingher face. Finally he gave her a wry smile.

“This is a hauntingly familiar conversation to have in this barn. I thought we hadsettled that question seven years ago, but I guess not.”

“No, I just got rid of the goats and started doing the work you thought I was suitedto.”

He winced. “I didn’t realize I was keeping you from what you wanted to do. I thoughtthe dairy was nothing more than an income.”

She lifted her brows. “And you replaced that.”

He dropped the bale, his eyes flashing and his lips thinning. “My mistake.”

Great, now she had stepped all over his ego. She took a step toward him and

smiled.

“I married a wonderful person, not a bankroll.”

He eyed her warily and then leaned over to retrieve the bale. Lifting it, he steppedup on the pile of hay and tossed the bale on top, straightening it before stepping down.”

“I know you want to protect me,” she said. “But you’re smothering me.”

He paused, his gaze traveling over her face. Finally he brushed the hay from hisshirt and jeans, his gaze downcast as he spoke.

“I’m sorry. I’ll step back and give you room.” His gaze lifted and fixed on hers. “Butthink about your own safety, will you?”

It was true that she was more concerned about the safety of others than her own,but wasn’t everyone? Still, even though he was willing to compromise, he had a right tovoice his concerns.

She sighed and lifted her palms in surrender. “I’ll try to be more careful.”

He smiled in relief. “That’s my girl.” He glanced at the hay. “Shall we do thistogether?”

They worked for a while and finally Carmen looked up at him and made a face.

“I enjoy our time alone, but I miss the children. Am I crazy?”

His expression was solemn as he studied her face. When he spoke, his voice wasquiet.

“How would you feel about another child?”



She had come to terms with her part in the surrogacy, but still wasn’t sure it wasmoral. A part of her still believed it was playing god, though obviously God blessed thetwins. God might not be so forgiving if they did it again. She shook her head.

“No Alex, once was enough.”

He smiled. “No, I mean adopt one.”

She eyed him warily. If he had been scouting around, he had given no indication.She had always said she wanted five children. Maybe he felt the need to provide thefifth. She sighed.

“I know I said I wanted five children, but that was two adopted children and a set of twins ago. I had no idea how much energy five children would require.”

He nodded, reaching for another bale of hay. “I suppose that’s true enough.”

“Did you want another child?” She said, assisting him with the bale.

Together they tossed the bale to the top of the pile and he climbed up to position it.He didn’t answer until he had it placed. As he climbed back down, he wiped perspirationfrom his forehead with the back of his hand.

“I thought maybe a boy about Jonathan’s age would be nice.”

She gazed up at him, trying to read his expression. It was impossible. She shookher head.

”Don’t you think Jonathan has enough competition for attention as it is? Besides, Idon’t know if I could handle two teen-aged boys. Think how difficult it would be for theboy to adjust with all this going on.”

He frowned. “All of what? Every family has issues to work out. Jonathan is a goodboy.”

She turned away and nodded as she pulled her gloves off.

“He’s a good boy, but now he’s going through a difficult stage. Another child mightbe a bad influence. There’s no telling what another child might have gone through atthis point. He could have been abused, or …”

“Maybe he would be an orphan. Why do you always look for the worst?”

Carmen swung around and stared at him. “I didn’t think I was being negative, butthere’s a lot to think about, Alex.”

He tugged his gloves off and avoided her eyes. “I know. I’m sorry. Of course youwould need time to think about it – and more facts.”



He said nothing more about it, but it stayed in her mind. Did Alex think that adoptinganother child would resolve Jonathan’s issues? She wasn’t being negative. From whatshe had read and gleaned from conversations with mothers of teen boys, Jonathan wastypical for his age. Actually he was much better than some. Frankly, the idea of doublingtheir problems was downright frightening.

Chapter Five

Carmen arranged for the twins and Destiny to stay with Grandma Reynolds so that shewouldn’t be distracted when her guests arrived. Jonathan had band practice with hisfriends and Alex was in his recliner, reading a letter from a wildlife management area inColorado. He had been quiet all week, obviously resigned to the fact that she was goingto run things her way. When his friend knocked on the door, he waited for Carmen toanswer it and when Gerald made the introductions, Alex said nothing – not even whenRob made a comment that would normally have raised an eyebrow.

Aaron offered a hand to Carmen, his gaze meeting hers in a shy way and thenslipping away as he gave a canned salutation. Rob boldly looked her up and down, hishandshake firm and lingering. His auburn brows lifted in surprise as he whistled.

“Wow! Gerald. Why didn’t you tell us she was a looker?”

Gerald’s gaze shifted briefly to Alex, who continued reading as if he hadn’t heardtheir conversation. When his gaze returned to Carmen, it held a brief warning. Thiswasn’t his friend and he wasn’t going to defend or reprimand him. That was fine withher. Rob wasn’t the first man to make that kind of remark and he probably wouldn’t bethe last. Like the others, he would stop when it didn’t get the results he wanted.

Rob was taller than Alex, but not as tall as Gerald. He had an athletic build,muscular and well proportioned. Hazel eyes held a hint of humor all the time, and hisauburn hair had a stylish cut. The way he dressed and acted indicated he was used tofeminine attention.

Aaron was the opposite of Rob. He was short, thin and if not homely, certainly nothandsome. He had black hair and dark brown eyes that never seemed to look directly atanyone. What he did have was a shy smile that warmed the heart. Carmen liked himinstantly.

Gerald stood a head taller than all of them. Yet, unlike so many tall people Carmenhad met, Gerald didn’t slouch. He stood with his back straight, as if proud of every inch.His complexion was dark for a blonde man, as if he spent a lot of time outside. He hadput on a few pounds since she last saw him and it looked good on him. His thin lips slidinto that familiar wry smile as he shook her hand.

“At first I thought you had a white buffalo out there and then I realized it was a dog.”

She smiled. “That was Brutus. I hope he didn’t give you any trouble.”



Gerald shook his head. “No, he was just lying on the porch.”

Carmen glanced at Alex and he immediately headed for the door. Brutus didn’tnormally hang around the house, and he always barked at strangers.

Gerald looked concerned. “I hope nothing is wrong.”

Carmen withdrew her hand from his and watched anxiously as Alex walked out thedoor.

“He’s getting old. I guess he thinks he should be retired. God knows he deserves it.”

They talked for a few minutes and then all eyes turned to Alex when he came backin the house.

“I’m going to walk him out to the barn and fix him a place to stay. I’ll lock him inthere for the night. I’ll get my bag.”

He went upstairs to get his things and then out to the barn. Carmen followed her guests to the rent house and gave them a tour. They all seemed happy with thearrangements. Rob latched on to the largest bedroom – the one she had used. Geraldand Aaron discussed the other two bedrooms and Aaron decided on the small roomupstairs. Whether he actually wanted that one was debatable, but he certainly actedpleased with it. Before Carmen left, she invited them all to breakfast and orientationbefore the first ride in the morning.

When she returned to the house, Alex was sitting at the kitchen table, sippingcoffee.

“How is Brutus?” Carmen asked.

For a moment he didn’t respond. Finally he placed the cup carefully on the table.

“I think it’s time to seriously consider putting him down.”

Carmen sank into the chair opposite him. “Why? Is he in pain?”

“He doesn’t appear to be, but I had to stop and let him rest several times before hegot to the barn. He’s having trouble breathing.”

Carmen sighed. “Maybe he’ll feel better in the morning.”

It wasn’t something she wanted to think about right now. A year ago Alex had gentlyinformed her that Brutus was getting old and his heart was not working well. He had baddays, but Alex always gave him something to make him feel better.

Alex leaned back in his chair, his gaze roving over her face. Finally he spoke softly.

“Carmen, he’s suffering.”



“Can’t you give him something?”

He nodded. “I did, but there’s only so much I can do.”

Tears threatened and she tried to swallow a lump in her throat.

“Can’t we wait until the morning to see if he’s better?”

He nodded again. “We can wait, but he isn’t going to get better. I know you lovehim, but you can’t keep putting this off. It isn’t fair to him.”

She met his gaze. “If it was me, you wouldn’t put me down.”

He sat up and leaned toward her with a heavy sigh. “Don’t do this to me, Carmen.We have a responsibility to him.”

He was right, of course, and he didn’t like putting Brutus down any more than she

did. She nodded.

“Alright, but let me go say goodbye to him first.”

Alex stayed in the house while she walked out to the barn. With no one looking on,she allowed the tears to flow freely. Brutus had never been a pet, but he had servedthem selflessly for years. He had risked his own life to protect her from the wild dogs,and chased the man who smashed her windshield. Somehow he always managed toget between her and the bison – even when she didn’t know they were close.

She found Brutus in the stall next to Ed where Alex had put him. He lay on his sideagainst the wall and didn’t move when she kneeled beside him. His eye followed her,but he never lifted his head.

“Poor Brutus,” she said as she stroked his head. “You’ve been a good dog and weall love you.”

Brutus whined and his tail lifted once in recognition of her voice. Alex was right. Hewas suffering. Even so, it was hard to let him go. She had been unable to make thatdecision, leaving it to Alex. It wasn’t fair to him. No wonder he was upset with her. It wasbad enough that she left all the decisions for him, but then she argued with him. Thiswas an area where he undoubtedly knew best.

She leaned down and laid her head on Brutus’ chest. His heart beat slowly twiceand then stopped. She sat up straight.

“Brutus?”

She stared at him for a moment, unconsciously holding her breath. His eye glazedover. Brutus was gone.



A tear slid down her cheek unnoticed until it dropped on Brutus. She was suddenlylost in the unhappy never after. Never again would he come running up to meet her, hisbig tongue hanging out as he gave her a huge doggie smile. Never again would she bestartled by his sudden appearance in the garden, nor laugh at his gentle frolicking withthe twins. Brutus was gone forever.

.She covered her face and started to cry. That was the way Alex found her. Hechecked Brutus for a pulse and then put an arm around her.

“I’m sorry sweetheart.”

There was nothing to say. It was over. She laid her head on Alex’s shoulder as heheld her close. Tears coursed down her cheeks. Finally she took a deep breath andpulled away from him, wiping her eyes.

“I want to bury him up on the hill under that dogwood tree where he used to lay

during the summer. That way he can still watch over the farm.”

Alex patted her shoulder. “I’ll get someone…”

“No,” she interrupted him. “I want to bury him.”

He hesitated, probably not liking the idea of leaving that chore to her. He wasscheduled to work tomorrow, though and she didn’t want to wait another day. Finally hesighed in resignation.

“Alright.”

It was Alex who informed the children of the death. Whether it was the way he did itor they simply didn’t understand, there was no wailing as she had anticipated. Natalieand Matthew were probably too young to understand, but Jonathan did. He said hewanted to help with the burial. Thinking he needed to say goodbye to an old friend, sheagreed.

The next morning she had breakfast ready at seven. The entire family was at thetable when her guests arrived for breakfast. Natalie and Mathew were in their highchairs, Destiny and Jonathan sat on either side of her and Alex was at the end of thetable. Gerald took a seat closest to Alex and Aaron sat down opposite her, leaving thelast chair for Rob. With nine people in the dining room, there was too much distractionto start the orientation. Gerald talked to the twins for a few minutes and then turned to

Alex.

“How old are they now?”

“They’ll be two on July 26th. Destiny will be five in October and Jonathan will bethirteen in November.”



It was a good way to introduce them, and leave it to Alex to take care of it all in onesentence.

Rob glanced around the table and whistled, his gaze coming back to Carmen.

“You don’t look old enough to have four children, let alone a teenager.”

Alex eyed Rob, his expression unreadable. For a moment she thought he wasgoing to say something to Rob, but his attention returned to the food on his plate.

It was probably best to ignore the remark, and she was able to do so without beingrude when the doorbell rang. It was the sitter. Carmen invited her to join them but Jennysaid she had already eaten. She turned her attention to the twins. Carmen glanced at

Alex, who was watching Rob with a concerned expression. Following his gaze, shefound Rob’s attention was riveted on Jenny.

At seventeen, Jenny would easily have passed for twenty-one. Even so, she wasprobably a good ten years his junior. Jenny wasn’t particularly attractive, but she didhave a mature figure.

Alex pushed away from the table and stood.

“Well, it was nice to meet all of you, but I’ll have to leave now. I promised to work ahalf day today.”

He walked around the table purposefully and leaned down, kissing Carmen on thelips. “I’ll see you at lunch, sweetheart.”

There was nothing unusual about him kissing her goodbye or calling her sweetheart, but he had never done so in front of guests. It struck her that he did so nowto make a statement to Rob.

Carmen smiled up at him. “I’ll see you then.”

Rob shifted his attention to the twins “Nat and Matt. Those are good names for twins.

Actually, she had never thought of that. Their names were Natalie and Matthew,which didn’t sound much alike. She wouldn’t have named them sound-alike names andshe didn’t dress them alike. They were individuals.

“My middle name is Natalie and Alex’s middle name is Matthew.” Carmen stated.

Rob nodded. “I didn’t mean to offend. I’ll be sure to remember that.”

After Alex left, Carmen took the men to Alex’s office upstairs.



“I really don’t have a lot to say,” she began as she sat down at the desk. “I do wantto tell you a few things for your safety and enjoyment, though.”

When they were all seated and attentive, she began with the orientation she hadbeen memorizing for the last two weeks.”

“Welcome to our American Wildlife Safari,” she said with a smile, handing each of the men a flyer. “I have given you a little information on the wildlife you might see duringyour stay here. I want to remind you that wildlife is just that. It can be dangerous – evendeadly. It isn’t safe to be out there alone or on foot. The gates have locks on them sothat they won’t be accidentally left open.”

It also prevented unauthorized entry, but the other sounded better. Extra keys werekept near the gate so that they were accessible from either side, but they didn’t need toknow that right now. She folded her arms on the desk.

“You will be offered Elk and Bison meat while you’re here. We buy that and stock itin the freezer. We don’t eat the wildlife raised here. They are all either breeding stock or are recovering from injury and intended to be reintroduced into the wild. We try to keepthe terrain as natural as possible, though we do seed for specific animals. I’ll take youon tours into the areas where we most often see the animals, but they are not kept incages, so I can’t guarantee you will see any specific animal on every tour. With a fewexceptions, all the animals are in one big enclosure, living together as they would in thewild. In addition to the animals we have purchased, there is native wildlife. We don’talways know what will be out there. I can tell you that we have seen a black bear and amountain lion on this land, so don’t wander far from the house at night.”

Rob cleared his throat and leaned toward her, grinning.

“Doesn’t the wildlife eat your wildlife?”

She laughed. “Well, they haven’t yet. Mostly they stick with the original wildlife.”

Aaron glanced at Rob and then back to Carmen. “I read that there aren’t anymountain lions in Arkansas.”

Carmen nodded. “It seems I read that somewhere too. I think someone forgot to tellthe mountain lions where the borders were. They have them in Oklahoma andMissouri.” She smiled. “I think what they are actually saying is that there have been no

confirmed sightings of animals other than feral ones.”

Rob laughed. “That’s a relief. If I get attacked, I’ll be 90% sure it’s someone’s longlost pet.”

Gerald’s smile was wry. “Or a foreigner.”

“Will we be safe on horseback?” Aaron asked, his expression sober.



“The animals are used to seeing us, and the horses often graze with them, so Idon’t think we will have any problems with the safari animals or the natural wildlife.However, I do carry a rifle for emergencies.”

He nodded. “What’s the most dangerous animal out there?”

Gerald gave him a sour look. “Man, I think.”

Carmen laughed. “I do believe you’re right about that, although I hope not on thisplace.”

Rob snorted and looked at Aaron. “She says that, but who’s carrying the rifle?”

Aaron smiled, but was obviously waiting for a serious answer. She sobered.

“Normally I might say the Bison. They are the biggest thing out there, but actually,under the right circumstances, any animal can be dangerous. We have a few peccary

out there and they can be pretty scrappy. Then again, look at the number of people inthe world who are killed every year by mosquitoes. If we narrow it down to the US, themost people are killed by bees and wasps. If we get into mammals, the biggest killer of humans is dogs – and horses. You can’t really measure which is most dangerous. Evendeer have killed people. The thing to remember is that the potential to kill is alwaysthere.”

Aaron quietly digested the information and then nodded. “That’s true.” His gazerested on her face, still sober. “Is it bison or buffalo? What’s the difference?”

“Bison,” Rob interjected. “Buffalo are a different species – like the water buffalo.”

Carmen nodded. “Right. I think the consensus is that they were called buffs byEuropeans because of the color of cured hides and that evolved to buffalo. I don’t thinkanyone really knows, but bison is the correct term. I have to admit that I called themBuffalo for a long time – still do when I forget.”

They talked for a little while longer and then she announced that she had to buryBrutus, but she would meet them at the stable in a couple hours for the first ride. Theyleft and she headed for the barn.

The orientation did more than inform her guests. It gave her a snapshot of their interests and personalities as well. Aaron seemed to be a little wary of the bison, which

wasn’t altogether a bad thing. His personality was quiet and sober. He’d be the carefulone. Rob was an entertainer, but it was hard to tell how he would react to danger.Gerald was hard to read. It was strange that the one she had met twice would be theone she knew the least

Jonathan helped her get Brutus in a wheelbarrow and pushed it up to the tree for her. He offered to dig the grave but his friend was supposed to pick him up for an



overnight, so she told him to go back to the house so he wouldn’t get dirty. That was thereason she gave, but truthfully she didn’t want him to see her cry.

Working with a mattock and shovel, she began digging a hole. She had the holeabout a foot deep when Gerald joined her. He spelled her for a while, digging twice asmuch in half the time. Together they lifted Brutus from the wheelbarrow and placed himin the hole. For a moment they stood awkwardly over the grave. Finally Carmengrabbed the shovel and jabbed it into the pile of dirt. She hesitated a moment beforedumping it on Brutus. The dirt hit his body with a hollow thud. That was when the water works started.

Gerald took the shovel from her and put a comforting arm around her shoulders.

“Why don’t you let me do this?”

She glanced down at her shaking hands and nodded. Stepping back, she watchedtearfully as he shoveled dirt over Brutus. Gerald was solemn and respectful as he

worked. If he thought it was childish to cry over a dog, he gave no indication. When hewas done, he placed the mattock and shovel in the wheelbarrow and wheeled themdown to the barn for her. She remained beside the grave for a while, silently praying.Finally she dried her eyes and headed for the house. She needed to shower andchange clothes before taking her guests out on the first tour. In any case, she wassupposed to be taking care of the guests, not the other way around.

Chapter Six

Carmen had four horses saddled and ready when the men arrived in the barn. She wastightening the cinch on the last one when Gerald eyed the horse doubtfully.

“I hope they’re gentle. I’ve never straddled one before.”

Carmen laughed at his wording. “You can ride Casper. She has the mostexperience and she’s gentle.”

“Which one has the most spirit,” Rob said with a wink. “I like my fillies spirited.”

“That’s a shame,” Carmen said with a smile, “Because you’re riding the gelding.

Aaron glanced up and met her gaze. His eyes reflected humor that never reachedhis mouth.

Gerald chuckled as he reached for the white Appaloosa mare.

“This must be Casper.”

She handed Dandy to Rob and Random to Aaron, introducing the horses by name.Why hadn’t it occurred to her that this might be their first experience on a horse? They



led the horses into the corral. Slowly and deliberately, she mounted, knowing they werewatching. When she turned to the others, Gerald smiled.

“That didn’t look so difficult.”

He put a foot in the stirrup and grabbed the saddle horn. It took him two attempts,

but he managed a clumsy mount and sat uneasily in the saddle for a moment beforeturning his attention to the other two.

“Go ahead,” Rob said to Aaron. “Let’s see how many times it takes you.”

Aaron shrugged and turned to his horse. He placed a foot in the stirrup andgrabbed the saddle horn. In one smooth movement he swung up into the saddle.

Rob eyed him uneasily. “I’d say you’ve done that a time or two.”

He turned to his horse and put his foot in the stirrup. Grabbing the saddle horn, hepulled himself up, but didn’t get his other foot high enough. For a moment he tottered,half on and half off the horse, his eyes large. Finally he retrieved his balance and got hisfoot over the back of the horse and down the other side into the stirrup.

He let out a long breath and grinned. “For a minute there I wasn’t sure which one of us was the Dandy.”

Carmen leaned over to open the gate. “This gate isn’t locked because the stable isa buffer.”

When the three men rode through, she shut the gate and turned Princes toward thetrail that Alex had chosen. Did he know the men were inexperienced riders? Surely he

was aware that Gerald was inexperienced. It didn’t take long to realize that Aaron wasnot only experienced, but as graceful as Alex.

The day was sunny and mild – a perfect day for riding. The bison were grazing inthe distance. That was best until the men gained a little confidence riding. The bisonwere accustomed to having the horses graze around them, but the scent of strangersmight make them nervous.

“They were up by the fence last night,” Rob said, watching the bison nervously. “Inever realized they were so big.”

Jared into action by his words, she launched into her narration about the safari

animals they were observing.

“A mature bull weighs over a ton and can be six feet or more at the hump. You maynotice the fences are high here. Bison can jump six feet high.”

Gerald whistled. “You wouldn’t think something that big would be agile.”



She nodded. “They are, though. They can run up to 35 mph and they have morestamina than a horse.”

Rob gave her a sour look. “That’s a fine thing to be telling us while we’re riding outin the open like this.”

Carmen grinned. “Would it make you feel any better to know they can out-maneuver the horses in the forest?”

Her gaze brushed past him and rested on Aaron, who was eyeing the bison withobvious concern. It wasn’t her intent to scare them. When he glanced up at her, shesmiled.

“They’re used to seeing horses out here. Besides, their eyesight is pretty bad. Idoubt if they can even see us this far away.”

Gerald glanced at her. “How fast can a horse run?”

She winked at him. “Oh, about 30 miles per hour.”

He grinned. “Really?”

She laughed. “It depends on the horse. These could probably run around 45 milesper hour in a sprint. A fast race horse about 55 miles per hour. Of course, they can’tmaintain that for a long stretch.”

Aaron smiled his relief and Rob laughed.

“Are you thinking about running from the bison, Gerald?”

Gerald laughed. “I’m just planning ahead.”

They reached the tree line and descended to the creek. They paused briefly, lettingthe horses drink while Rob took some pictures of the creek. Then they waded thehorses across and headed for the ruins. They were riding slower than she had with

Alex, so it took them longer to get there, but the men were impressed with the attraction.

“Can we go up there?” Rob asked.

Carmen nodded, pulling her horse to a halt. “Watch for snakes. I see copperheads

a lot around these bluffs.”

She dismounted and watched the men walk up to the ruins. They were an oddassortment. Gerald was tall and lean, his gait casual. Aaron took quick steps, the way

Alex did, and Rob had a tireless power walk. He’d be a force to recon with if he ever gotmiffed. He seemed a genial sort though, if not a bit of a show-off. Of the three, he wasthe clown. Aaron was the serious one, probably the most dependable. And Gerald …



what was Gerald? Maybe he was simply so average that he didn’t stand out – except for his height.

While the men took pictures, she waited and drank from her canteen. If it hadn’tbeen for tilting her head back that way, she might not have seen the movement. Shecaught her breath and called to the men.

“Look,” she said in a voice intended for them only, and pointed at the ledge.

Perched on a ledge, its gray-brown coat camouflaged against the bluff, stood abighorn sheep. He was watching them, probably knowing they couldn’t reach him. Heposed for their cameras and finally leaped from one ledge to another along the face of the cliff until he disappeared over the lip and into the forest above them.

Gerald was the first to her side, his expression clearly awed.

“How many are there?”

“Six. There are two ewes and three lambs somewhere up there.”

He shook his head slowly in wonder. “It must be nice to be able to come out hereand see them anytime you want.”

She nodded. “It would be if I could, but I can’t – not alone, anyway, and Alex is atwork most of the time.”

He frowned. “Surely you have friends that would enjoy this.”

She smiled up at him. “Alex would be doubly concerned if two women were out

here alone.”

Rob spoke as he passed them on the way to his horse. “I don’t know why he’d beless concerned if you were out here with three men.”

Gerald lifted his brows and looked away. Without another word, he turned to hishorse. This time he was able to mount on the first attempt, as did the other two.

Carmen led them toward the trail to the high ground. It hadn’t occurred to her before, but she didn’t much like the idea of traveling this trail alone with Rob. What didGerald know about him? For that matter, what did Aaron know? They were co-workers,not friends. Why did Rob come here? Gerald was here because Alex was his friend. He

obviously had an interest in the safari as well. Other than a healthy concern for hissafety, Aaron fit her idea of a typical client. Rob didn’t. But then, what did she knowabout it? These were her first customers. This was one time she would have to work itout for herself and not involve Alex. He would be watching to see if she stumbled.Maybe she would, but not without trying to do it on her own.

Rob rode up beside her. “I’m sorry about your dog. Did you have him long?”



She nodded. “About eight years.”

He frowned. “Did your husband give him something to put him down?”

She shook her head. “No, he was going to …”

Alex said he had given Brutus something before she came home. Had he alreadymade the decision to put him down? Had he given Brutus something for that purpose?

She shook her head again. “I don’t think so … probably not.”

Rob gave her a strange look and then shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, andthen dropped back behind her.

If Alex had given Brutus something to put him down, it was because he was afraidshe didn’t have the courage to make that decision. She had put it off for a year and shetried to put it off for another day. How could she blame him? Someone had to act in

Brutus’ interest.

They rode the narrow trail up the side of the mountain single file and stopped at thespring to rest and water the horses.

Aaron glanced around the clearing and examined the forest beyond. Finally hisgaze came back to Carmen.

“This is wild country.”

She nodded. “Yes, we have 80 acres fenced in now. On the next ride, I’ll take youfurther from the house.”

Gerald groaned. “I hope it gets easier.”

Carmen smiled at him. “It won’t be as steep, but it will be easier as you becomemore accustomed to the gait of the horse. Maybe we’ll just take a buggy ride tomorrowinstead.

“That sounds good,” Gerald said, and the other two agreed.

When they returned to the stable, Gerald dismounted and staggered. Hisexpression indicated pain, but he managed a wry smile.

“Next time I think I’d rather walk.”

Carmen smiled. “Take a nice warm bath and relax for a while. You’ll feel better tomorrow.”

Aaron dismounted and nodded toward the pond. “Do you allow your guests to fish?”



She nodded. “Sure, but the only thing in there is mud cats. I’ll lock the bison out. Doyou have a pole?”

“I brought a pole, but I don’t have any bait for catfish.”

“There are crawdads in the creek. I’ll even help you catch some.”

Rob dismounted slowly and stretched. “I’ll help. I haven’t caught crawdads or catfish since I was a kid.”

Gerald groaned. “I’ll forego the pleasure and take Carmen’s advice.” He eyedCasper. “Do you want me to unsaddle my horse?”

“No,” Carmen said with a smile. “I’ll take care of it. Why don’t you relax?

He limped away, speaking over his shoulder. “I’ll see you after a while.”

Aaron and Rob helped her unsaddle the horses and get them into stalls with hayand water. Carmen grabbed a jar and the three of them headed for the creek. Shelocked the bison out of the pasture surrounding the pond and joined the men by thefootbridge. They all removed their shoes and socks and rolled up their pants legs beforewading into the cold water.

Aaron immediately spotted a crawdad and went after it. Rob walked gingerly acrossthe rocks, wincing. The water was so cold that it made the rocks seem sharper.

“Here’s one,” Rob said, leaning over and reaching down. After a couple grabs, hefinally pulled a large crawdad from the creek. Carmen started toward him with the jar

and the crawdad flipped in his fingers. He yelled and dropped it.

Carmen laughed. “What’s the matter, Rob? Did it kiss you?”

It was a term that they had used as children, and it took her back to a simpler time.Josh and Lori had helped her search for crawdads back then, but they weren’t usingthem for fish bait.

I used to catch crawdads in this creek with my friends when I was a kid. We used tofry them for supper.”

Her gaze shifted to Aaron and she found him grinning. “I’ve never eaten crawdads.

What do they taste like?”

She considered that for a moment and then shrugged. “Crawdads.”

“What are you doing?” A voice said from the footbridge.

Carmen glanced up to find Alex watching her with a perturbed expression.



A quick glance at her watch confirmed it was lunch time. She handed the jar to Roband grinned. “Put them in here next time. I’ve got to fix lunch.”

She waded to the bank and picked up her shoes and stockings. Padding barefootacross the footbridge, she joined Alex.

“I’m sorry,” she said as she followed him toward the house. “I didn’t realize it wasthat close to lunch time. I have some cold cuts for sandwiches.”

“I can make my own sandwich,” he said, “and they can catch their own crawdads.”

She glanced up to find him watching her. He reached for her shoes and shesurrendered them.

“I know they can and I’m not required to do that, but I was enjoying myself. I felt likea kid again.”

His gaze traveled up and down her body and came back to her face. His expressionwas solemn.

“You don’t look like a kid.”

So that was it. She sighed. “I’m sure you’re the only one who noticed.”

He stopped and gazed down at her. “Don’t encourage him, Carmen.”

She caught her breath. “I wasn’t …” She stared at him. “You’re jealous.”

He shook his head. “I have no reason to be jealous. I know that.” He reached out

and took her arm. “Some people don’t know the difference between being friendly andindicating personal interest.”

Warmth crawled up her neck. She knew the difference. She wasn’t as naïve as hethought she was. Still, maybe she should be more professional around her guests. Hewas right about one thing. Rob didn’t need encouragement.

She stopped at the gravel drive and reached for her shoes.

“Do you think what I’m wearing is … proper?”

He looked startled, his gaze fixed on her eyes. “You look nice – casual, butprofessional.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean you should go out and buynew clothes. It wasn’t my intent to make you feel uncomfortable.

She lifted her brows. “So now you’re saying I shouldn’t have spent the money onnew clothes?”

He stared at her a moment and then smiled. “You know better than that.”



He leaned down and swooped her into his arms. She giggled and put her armsaround his neck.

“I missed you today,” she said as she gazed up at him.

He kissed her. “I’m surprised you found the time. Did you have a nice ride?”

“Yes, but I think Gerald is a little worse for wear. I didn’t realize he’d never been ona horse before. I assumed you two rode together.”

He said nothing as he walked across the gravel and set her down on the porch. Hisgaze searched her face.

“Why would you think that?”

Taking her shoes from him, she met his puzzled gaze and shrugged.

“I guess because you’re friends.”

He frowned. “Yes, but we’re not joined at the hip. We have different interests.”

Her stomach tensed at his expression and tone. Did he resent the way she wastaking over his dream? Surely he didn’t think her interest in the safari was feigned. Theywere friends, but they were so much more. Maybe that was because they shared somany interests. His interest in the goat dairy had brought him to her in the beginning. Or was it something else? It didn’t matter. The veterinary clinic was a lifelong dream he hadattained. Without a doubt they shared an interest in animals. Even so, shared interestdidn’t define their relationship. There had been sparks from the beginning. Of course,

that was physical attraction. Did he feel stifled in this relationship? Did he regret leavingthat lifestyle? People change … had he changed again? He said he had differentinterests than Gerald, and yet … She met his troubled gaze.

“But Gerald is here now.” Her gaze left him and drifted over the land that held all hisanimals. When she met his gaze again, she smiled. “It appears you have some likeinterests as well.”

For a moment his gaze ran over her face in that searching way she had grownaccustomed to. He was searching her mind and coming up short again. Finally henodded.

“Apparently.” He sighed. “Sometimes I wonder which ones.”

She stared at him. Surely he didn’t think Gerald had an interest in her. No, he saidhe trusted Gerald. He had no reason to be concerned about Gerald. If he had anyconcern at all, it was Rob. But then, he knew that. He told her not to encourage him.She didn’t need to. He probably couldn’t be discouraged. It was going to be aninteresting visit, to say the least.



Chapter Seven

Alex continued to be troubled by something. It was in the way he stood, gazing absentlyout the window for long periods of time. If Gerald was his problem, he gave noindication when they were together. Gerald obviously admired Alex, and Alex talked tohim in a way she had only heard him talk to Bill. There wasn’t anything in particular thatshe could say was different. It was an overall combination of respect and interest.

Trying to balance her time between the children, Alex and her guests proved moredifficult than she imagined. It certainly helped to have Jenny watch the children, buteven that created a problem. Destiny cried every time Carmen left. When Carmen or

Alex dropped by unexpectedly, she was happy – until she saw them. Alex reasoned thatshe simply didn’t want to be left behind. That might be so, but it was still worrisome. If

Destiny had been a few years older, she could have gone with them. Jonathan hadhis own agenda. His friends had always been older, probably because he was somature for his age. There were five boys in their band – two of them a rebellious age of

fifteen. They had badgered the parents of their thirteen year old member into gettinghim a cell phone and then had started on Carmen. Alex had walked in on them whenthey were trying to pressure Carmen and put a sudden and decisive end to theargument. Later Carmen and Alex had explained to Jonathan that he was too young for the responsibility of a cell phone. That didn’t set well with him, but he accepted it withreservation. He intended to prove he was responsible. Hopefully that would convert tochores done on time without prompting.

The safari tours were going well. So far, on their daily rides, they had managed tosee at least one of every species – even a mountain goat. Rains had been cooperative,only coming in the night, and gentle at that. The mornings while they rode were mild. It

couldn’t have been better, but entertaining three men on a daily basis was a mentalworkout.

Maybe that was why Alex considered Felipa’s request. One evening after thechildren were all in bed, Carmen climbed the stairs to see if Alex was done with his workyet.

He glanced up from his computer when she came into his office.

“Felipa just called.” He said. “She wanted to know if you could use some help.”

Carmen hesitated. “Does she want to visit us?”

He nodded. “That was the general idea.”

Remembering the way Felipa looked at Gerald during the party at the hacienda,she frowned.

Did you tell her Gerald was here?

“Not specifically, but I think she knows, why?”



Carmen sighed. “I think Gerald is the draw.”

He eyed her for a moment, his expression unreadable. “Not as far as I know,” hefinally said, and then shrugged. “But, if you think she’ll harass your guests …”

“Harass?” She parroted. It hadn’t occurred to her, but Gerald might feel trapped. Onthe other hand, maybe he would enjoy her company – certainly Rob would and thatwould take his attention off Jenny. In fact, a young single girl might be exactly what theyneeded to inject more interest in the tour – and Felipa was an excellent rider.

She shrugged. “Well, I don’t think anyone would consider her a nuisance. In anycase, I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of romance.”

His brows lifted, but he said nothing. He copied something off the computer screeninto a journal.

Carmen sighed. “Actually, I could use more help.”

He glanced up at her, closing the journal.

“Do you want me to make arrangements?”

She hesitated, unsure of his intent. “Do you mean flight arrangements?”

He smiled, his eyes twinkling. “Yes. I’ll let you handle the rest.”

She laughed. “I think I’ll let that part happen or not happen naturally.”

He chuckled, turning back to his computer and shutting it down. He stood and

stepped around the desk, reaching for her. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her on the lips. Then he whispered against her neck.

“I think it’s bed time.”

She circled her arms around his neck and released a sigh of contentment.

“Thank goodness.”

He chuckled. “Are they all running you ragged?”

She drew back and looked at his face. “I think I’m allergic to you.”

His brows lifted. “How’s that?”

She grinned. “Every time I get close to you, my heart beats faster.”

He chuckled again. “Well then, we must be delightfully allergic to each other.”



Felipa arrived on Friday, which was a relief for Carmen because she was beginningto realize three weeks was a long time to entertain guests. They had planned abarbeque for entertainment, but as it turned out, Felipa provided all the entertainmentthey needed. Friday night the weather was warm and clear. Felipa was her usual bubblyself and everyone from the twins to the guests was enjoying her antics. Still, Carmenwas surprised when Felipa, Aaron and Rob decided to go for a moonlight walk. Evenmore surprising was the fact that Gerald didn’t seem to mind being left behind. Maybeshe had imagined a relationship that night in Texas.

With Rob and Aaron otherwise occupied, it left Gerald free to enjoy the evening with Alex, Carmen and the children. That was when Carmen saw a side of him she didn’tknow existed. Alex and Gerald talked around and over the bobbing heads of children ontheir laps as if it were an everyday occurrence. As it turned out, it was. Gerald had twomarried sisters and a passel of nieces and nephews – all of whom he was openly proud.Gerald had not yet married, but he was as much a family man as Alex. Gerald didn’tshare the desire to control with Alex, though. He seemed perfectly happy to follow

wherever Alex led the conversation. It was pleasant simply listening to them talk.

When the trio came back from their walk, the men said their goodbyes and left.Felipa helped Carmen clean up the mess and get the children in bed while Alex wentupstairs to finish some paperwork. With the house quiet, the two women retired to thekitchen for a cup of coffee and conversation.

Carmen placed a cup of coffee in front of Felipa and then settled into a chair opposite her. For a few moments they sipped in silent reflection. Finally Felipa glancedup at Carmen.

“Rob is a bit of a show-off, is he not?”

Carmen smiled. “Yes, I believe he is a bit of a clown.”

Felipa rolled her eyes. “Aaron says Rob invited himself to come here.”

Somehow that was no surprise. “Did Aaron object?”

Felipa shrugged a shoulder. “I do not know. He is a quiet man. I like him.”

Carmen nodded. “I do too.”

“This Rob, he is a good man?”

Carmen shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s a guest.”

Felipa held the coffee cup between her hands and stared into it. “I would not trusthim very much.”

“Did he say something to make you feel uncomfortable?”



Felipa glanced up at Carmen and smiled. “Everything he says makes me feeluncomfortable. He is … too much.”

Carmen laughed. “He does flow over the top with flattery.”

Felipa giggled. “I like when men tell me I am pretty – but I want to believe it.”

Carmen sipped her coffee. Generally it made her feel uncomfortable when menremarked on her beauty, but doubly so when they were insincere. They say that beautyis in the eyes of the beholder. The mirror confirmed she was attractive. Even so, howdid a person respond to that kind of praise? She always said thank you, but it wasnothing to be proud of. It wasn’t an achievement. She had done nothing to create it –most of the time she didn’t even wear makeup. Basically, it was unearned praise. Sheworked hard at taking care of her husband and children, yet how often had someonetold her she was a good wife and mother - or even a nice person? That kind of praisewas reserved for the less attractive, it seemed.

They talked until Alex returned and then all retired for the evening. The house wasquiet and happy again.

The next morning Katie arrived early to collect Destiny and the twins. She and Billwere taking them to a birthday party at church. That left Alex, Jonathan and Felipa toaccompany Carmen and her guests on a ride. Felipa fell in love with Dawn, whoappeared to be equally smitten. Alex rode Ed and Jonathan rode Random, so Carmenlet Aaron ride princess. That gave her a chance to work with the newest horse she hadbought. It was a sorrel gelding named Red.

They left Eureka and Adora with the younger horses. Both were two-year-olds intraining. Eureka belonged to Random and Jonathan, equally – heart and soul. Shewhinnied the loudest when the group left them.

Six people left the corral that morning. It was more like a professional tour,especially with Alex directing. At first he expected Carmen to lead the tour, but shereminded him that he was equally responsible for the business. He looked surprised, asif that thought had never occurred to him before. Even so he agreed without argument.That left her to relax and enjoy the ride. Today they would be back in their element –

Alex in control.

Alex led them on a different route – through the wild country they rarely explored.There they saw the tracks of peccary. That was when Carmen realized Alex was anatural tour guide. Maybe it was his years as a salesman, or maybe his personality wasattracted to the salesman job. Whatever the case, he seemed thoroughly at ease in therole.

“Peccary?” Aaron asked, glancing around. “I thought that was a South Americananimal.”



Alex nodded. “Their natural habitat is from Argentina on north through Central America and into parts of Texas, New Mexico and Arizona. These are Collared Peccary.Sometimes they’re called Javelina, Tayaussa or Musk hogs.”

Rob grinned. “I’ve heard of Musk Ox, but Musk hogs?” He laughed. “Only in

Arkansas.”

Alex glanced at him, his expression bland. “They have a musk gland on top of their rump that produces a smell when they get upset.”

Gerald lifted a brow. “Are you sure it isn’t a skunk?”

Alex shifted his attention to Gerald and his face melted into a smile. “Pretty sure.Skunks are black and white, aren’t they?”

Gerald grimaced. “Not always.”

Alex chuckled.

Were they talking about Rob? Probably not. Having worked together, they probablyshared an unpleasant experience with a difficult customer. Still, it was obvious to her that Alex didn’t like Rob. Hopefully, it was obvious only to her. Did people often respondthat way to Rob? Was that why he felt it necessary to invite himself?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a pungent odor. Without warning, a peccary andher two babies burst from the brush and darted immediately in front of Ed.

Ed snorted and side-stepped as the peccaries raced ahead of them, squealing a

protest at being interrupted. Alex was momentarily taken by surprise, but appeared tohave no problem maintaining his erect status in the saddle. He patted Ed on the neckand spoke in a soothing manner. Ed immediately settled down.

Rob whistled. “That would have sent me to the ground. Are stallions always skittishlike that?”

Alex glanced up at him. “Not necessarily and Ed never has been until recently.”

He made no attempt to explain. He urged Ed ahead with a gentle nudge of theknees, and followed the peccary.

Aaron fell in behind him. “I thought Arkansas had its own wild hogs. Isn’t arazorback a wild hog?”

Alex answered without looking back at Aaron. “If you’re talking about the two-legged ones, that’s debatable. As for the four-legged ones, they’re actually feral hogs –descendents of early livestock that went wild. The peccary is the only native wild pig inthe United States.”



Felipa giggled. “Alex,” she chided. “You shouldn’t talk that way about your footballteam.”

He glanced back at her and grinned. “They’re not my team. I’m a feral Texan.”

They all had their laugh, but to Carmen it wasn’t that funny. That was the first time Alex had ever referred to himself as a Texan in her presence. It left her feeling insecure.

Felipa gave Carmen a comforting smile. “He jokes.”

Carmen nodded and smiled in return. Yes, he was joking, and she had referred tohim as a Texan many times. He was born and raised in Texas. Did he want to go back?

Felipa and the others had drifted ahead of her when she glanced up to see Geraldwatching her. He pulled his horse close and patted her on the back.

“He’s an Arkie now.”

Carmen forced a smile. “I know.”

It wasn’t her intent to solicit sympathy from anyone, much less her paying guests.Yet no one other than Felipa seemed to have noticed. Maybe Gerald was intuitive – or maybe only he and Felipa were looking her way when Alex spoke. She’d have to bemore careful in the future. It wouldn’t hurt to adopt a more positive outlook. Alex haddone nothing to indicate he was unhappy with things the way they were now – and yet,he was definitely troubled about something.

Chapter Eight

Carmen sat on the edge of the bed as she pulled her boots on. Having Felipa at thehouse allowed her to spend more time with the children. Felipa entertained the guests inthe morning and Carmen joined them after lunch. Apparently the arrangement pleasedDestiny because she stopped crying when Carmen left her. On the other hand, maybe itwas simply the arrival of Felipa that made her happier. Felipa couldn’t stay forever,though. Maybe a different sitter? Some personalities simply didn’t work together.

Carmen sighed. Eventually she would have to hire someone to help with the tours –assuming they became more frequent. That would necessitate raising the cost of thetours for guests. Still, this was supposed to be a business, not a hobby. They were

making money on it, but there was so much debt to begin with. Alex said not to worryabout it, but that hardly seemed like a good business attitude.

She yanked her other boot on. Jenny had arrived earlier and the three youngestchildren were napping. Jonathan was gone again to band practice. It seemed that theyrarely saw him anymore and those boys weren’t the best influence. Was she beingoverprotective?



Pushing the thought from her mind, she headed down to the barn. She was lookingforward to an afternoon of riding with Felipa and the others. She found them all at thebarn. Aaron was saddling a horse for Felipa, his saddled and standing to one side. Roband Gerald were standing beside their saddled mounts, looking proud. No doubt theyhad saddled their own as well. For a moment the idea that the guests had to saddletheir own horses troubled her, but on the other hand, maybe it was a good thing. Theyhad learned a lot since they came, and they were obviously proud of it. Was sheoverprotective of everyone?

Carmen saddled Princess and they all left the corral. A half-hour later, at the creek,Gerald decided he wanted to walk a while. Carmen decided to stay with him whileFelipa took Aaron and Rob up the trail. They were supposed to meet at the spring. Thatwas the plan.

As the trio disappeared into the forest, Carmen spoke to Gerald.

“I think Felipa and Aaron are getting along well.”

Gerald glanced after them and nodded. “Rob appears to be struck with her.”

Carmen glanced at him. “She’s a very special person.”

He nodded again, glancing down at Carmen, his expression solemn.

“So are you.”

She grinned. “Would you put that in writing?”

He chuckled. “I don’t think that’s necessary – especially not for Alex.”

She made a face. “I don’t know. Lately he doesn’t seem so pleased.” Realizing toolate how it sounded, her face warmed. “I mean he seems preoccupied with something.”

Blond brows lifted briefly and then he shrugged. “Alex has always been a littlereserved.”

Of course, he wasn’t telling her anything she wasn’t already painfully aware of. Still,this was different. She sighed involuntarily.

“I think secretive is the word.”

Gerald’s eyes reflected humor and his breath came out in a sudden rush that barelyresembled a laugh. His mouth twisted into a wry smile.

“Yeah, that would probably be a better word. Still, we all have our secrets, don’twe?”

Carmen glanced up at the mountain and smiled. “I suppose we do. Sometimes it’shard to broach a subject – especially when you’ve avoided it for a while.”



His gaze followed hers and he lifted a brow in inquiry.

She grinned. “How would you like to take a treacherous ride?”

His gaze became wary. “Oh, that’s why I came out here,” he responded in a dry

tone.

She giggled. “Alex doesn’t want me to ride up there alone.”

Both brows shot up and he employed the lopsided smile again.

“Then by all means, lead the way. I love a mystery.”

Carmen let Princess move forward and stopped her only long enough to mount.She smiled down at Gerald.

“Follow me. It isn’t far.”

Gerald mounted in his usual awkward style and followed her.

She led the way up the side of the mountain, following a switchback trail above atwenty-foot bluff. He kept looking over the edge, his complexion paling when a rockleaped over the edge and bounced its way to the bottom.

“Don’t look down,” she instructed. “Casper is sure footed and knows the way up.”

He glanced up at her, his expression and tone sarcastic.

“It isn’t going up that worries me. It’s going down. You know what they say. It isn’t

the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the bottom.”

She grinned. Leading him over the last rise and onto the open plateau, shedismounted.

“We’ll leave the horses here and walk the rest of the way.”

He followed her up a steep trail between two boulders and then to the top. Thegraves lay before them near the edge of a cliff. He frowned as he read the headstones.

“Husband and wife? Who are they?”

Of course, he wouldn’t know her maiden name was Poluck. She smiled.

“My mother and father - actually, their ashes.”

He nodded and turned, catching his breath as he gazed down at the ruins. Hewhistled between his teeth.

“Now that’s a view worth the ride.”



For a moment they both gazed in silence at the scene beyond. Multicolored fields of grain and soy beans lay like a patchwork quilt for miles. Beyond them mountain rangesfaded into shades of blue in the humid air.

He shook his head in awe. “That’s a resting place to die for.” His head jerked

around, expression startled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful.”

Carmen smiled. “I didn’t take it that way, and Dad would have been the first to enjoya touch of humor.”

She glanced at her watch. “Oh, I’d better call Felipa and tell her we’ll meet them atthe barn instead.”

Pulling the cell phone from the holster on her side, she called Felipa.

“Felipa, change of plan,” she said when Felipa answered. “We took a detour. Whereare you now?”

“We’re almost to the spring,” Felipa said.

“Okay, we’ll meet you at the barn instead – in about thirty minutes?”

“Good deal. We’ll see you then.”

She laid the phone on the tombstone and knelt beside her mother’s grave, closingher eyes. After a brief prayer, she opened her eyes and glanced up. Gerald stood withhis head down, eyes closed.

He opened his eyes and met her gaze.

“I can see why Alex wouldn’t want you to come up here alone – and why you wouldwant to visit. How long has it been?”

“Dad and I buried Mom here about ten years ago, and I buried Dad here about ayear later. Yes, I understand why Alex doesn’t want me to come up here alone.”

He helped her to her feet with a hand on each elbow. “Does he bring you up hereoften?”

She came up too close to him and took a step back.

“Not too often,” she said, her face growing warm. “By the time we could eat supper,saddle the horses and ride up here, it would be getting dark. I appreciate the fact thatyou were willing to ride up here with me.

“It was my pleasure,” he said as they turned to go back to the horses.



Gerald was a decent sort. She was certain it wasn’t his intent to be familiar. In fact,he didn’t seem to notice that it embarrassed her. She was making too much of something innocent. That was something she needed to get over.

They followed the trail back to the horses, mounted and started down the trail.

At the bottom of the trail they dismounted and walked their horses for a while.

Gerald fell into stride with her. “I was surprised when Alex resigned and moved uphere.” His gaze took in the scenery around them. “But seeing all this, I can understand.I’ll bet old man Medena was upset.”

“I don’t know,” Carmen said. “I didn’t even know about him until Alex was stabbed.”

She glanced up at Gerald and grinned. “Secrets.”

Gerald smiled sympathetically. “I guess that could get to be a problem with a

spouse.”

Carmen nodded. “Sometimes, but I admire his fortitude. I think part of the appealwhen I first met him was the mystery – and his confidence. He always seemed to knowwhat he wanted and how to go after it. I don’t know why, but it made me feel bothsecure and frightened at the same time.” She smiled. “Maybe because I was afraid he’dgo away.”

Gerald chuckled. “He was hooked before he came up here that first time. Heprotected your picture as if it was his personal property.” His expression becamedistant. “I figured he’d bring you back to Texas.” He shrugged. “I wondered if he’d regret

leaving his job and family, but he seems to have adjusted well.”

Carmen walked a little further before responding. It wasn’t something she wouldnormally say to a stranger, let alone a customer.

“Sometimes I’m afraid he’ll grow tired of this - and me.”

Gerald didn’t respond. Maybe he wondered as well - maybe he considered it aloaded subject.

Carmen let out a long audible breath. “I don’t understand the tension between himand his father.”

“It wasn’t always that way,” Gerald said. “Alex and Morino were as close asbrothers. He was never close to his father, but I guess they had a guarded relationshipuntil his Mom and Dad were killed in the plane crash. He’s been wounded pretty badly. Ithink he blamed his father for some reason. He’s never explained that to me.”



Carmen nodded. “He’s been through a lot and I haven’t been the best influence. I’mtrying to change. Katie has been helping me crawl out of yesteryear and Alex is trying tomake me less dependent.”

Gerald frowned. “I thought you liked having him make the decisions.” He shrugged

again. ”But I guess that would get old too – for both of you.”

“That’s what Katie said. I know Alex likes to be in control, but there’s a differencebetween being in control and constantly being responsible. I’m trying to relieve him of some responsibility.” She sighed. “Katie says he is too controlling. Maybe so, but I likehim being in control, and I think he likes it too.”

Gerald was silent for a few moments. Finally his gaze locked on her.

“It seems to me that Katie has a lot of influence on both of you. It’s nice to havesomeone to bounce things off of, but don’t lose yourself in her identity. In the time that

I’ve been here, it looks to me like you carry your share of the load – sometimes more.Your relationship doesn’t have to be the same as Katie’s – or anyone else’s.”

He was right, of course, but people change. And yet, Alex still wanted to be incontrol. Why else would he want to select the trail she followed - even the clothes shewore? Yet something was bothering him. Lately he wasn’t content – or maybe she wasletting Katie stir that thought. No, something was bothering him. Of that she was certain.

She turned to her horse. “I think they’re rested enough.”

Of course, the horses didn’t need the rest as much as Gerald needed the relief fromriding. It was taking his muscles a long time to stretch. Still, he was managing it better

every day. They mounted again and rode to the barn, where Felipa and the two other guests were waiting for them.

Felipa glanced around at the group. “Aaron and I are going into town for an icecream sundae. Who wants to go along?”

“Count me in,” Gerald said. “How about you, Carmen?”

Carmen shook her head, glancing at a bank of building clouds. “I’d better not. Itlooks like a storm is building and I need to get some work done in the garden.”

Rob followed Carmen’s gaze and shrugged. “I think I’ll take a shower and rest for a

while.” He slapped his stomach. “I don’t need the calories anyway.”

Aaron, Felipa and Gerald headed into town and Rob headed for the house. Carmenstabled the horses and fed them. Then she walked across the field to the house. Thebison were drifting through the gate as she got to the footbridge. Good timing.

At the house she grabbed the hoe and started for the garden. Touching the case ather side, she froze. She had left her phone on top of the headstone. Alex would be



upset, but even worse; it would give Jonathan ammunition in his battle for a cell phone.How could she say he was irresponsible when she had left hers out in a storm? Of course, he didn’t have to know …

She started for the path to the stable and then stopped. She couldn’t walk throughthere. The bison were grazing all around the pond. She could drive her car over there,but she’d have to leave it there and Rob would see it. He’d probably want to go with her.

Alex might think that was better than going alone, but she and Felipa knew better. Alexthought she was encouraging him. She glanced at the barn where Ed was stabled. Of course, she could ride Ed. It wouldn’t take long to saddle him and ride up there and shecould ride around the house so Rob wouldn’t know. She’d be back before the storm.

Alex wouldn’t approve, but it was her land and her phone. He shouldn’t try to controlevery facet of her life. After all, if she were running any other business and had to take atrip, he’d think she was capable of doing it on her own.

It took her less than ten minutes to saddle Ed and ride him out of the corral. Skirtingaround the guest house, she put Ed to a run until they reached the tree line. Ed climbed

the hill and sure-footed it through the switchbacks to the point where she had tocontinue on foot. Thunder was rumbling in the distance as she grabbed her phone off the headstone and started back to Ed. Things were going as she had planned. Shewould be back at the house in another 45 minutes, ahead of the storm and with no onethe wiser.

Ed started back down the trail slowly, carefully picking his way. When he stoppedand reached for a tasty looking batch of grass, she pulled his head away and nudgedhim forward with her knees. Any other time she probably would have let him grab amouthful to munch on his way down, but the storm was getting closer faster than sheanticipated.

Ed continued down the trail, walking faster. Lightning flashed and Ed’s head cameup, his eyes showing white. Several things passed through Carmen’s mind at thatmoment. One was the fact that Ed had never been afraid of lightning before. Thesecond impression was the large Copperhead beside the trail. In a nanosecond sherealized that the snake was going to strike Ed. Even so, she was ill-prepared for Ed’sresponse. His sudden leap to the side unseated her, sending her out of the saddle androlling off the trail. As her body flew over it, she saw the snake’s fangs sink into Ed’supper leg – and then she was tumbling down the hill, grabbing at anything available andhoping it wasn’t a snake. She slid, bounced and screamed her way to the edge of thecliff, finally stopping her descent by grabbing the base of a bush. The angle was too

steep, though and the roots of the bush too shallow. With a sickening sound, the bushripped from the ground, allowing her to slide again. She released the bush and clawedat the ground as she slid over the cliff. She screamed as weightlessness gripped her body, making a final grab at a limb. The limb held, but her shoulder didn’t. Shescreamed again in agony as pain seared through her shoulder. The last thing she sawbefore she lost consciousness was a rock ledge coming at her.



Carmen woke to the feel of water pounding on her legs. She was soaking wet andshivering, yet somehow alive. How long had she been unconscious? Above her, water shot over the edge of the bluff, falling maybe ten feet before bouncing off her legs andonto a rock ledge. She squinted up through the rain drops. The bluff must be lower righthere. She tried to sit up, but the motion created a nauseating pain in her shoulder. Shesqueezed her eyes shut and suppressed a scream. Obviously she couldn’t climb up, butmaybe she could slide down. She opened her eyes to investigate the land on the other side. She caught her breath, drawing back. It was a good 15 feet to the bottom from theledge she was on.

“Ed!” she yelled. The stallion didn’t answer. He probably ran back to the barn.Someone would see him and come looking for her. In fact, they were probably alreadysearching. In the rain, could they find a trail?

“Alex!” she screamed.

Remembering her cell phone, she reached for it. It wasn’t in the case on her side.Glancing around, she spotted it, poised at the edge of the ledge.

At least she could call and tell them where she was. She leaned forward, reachingfor the phone. A stabbing pain shot through her shoulder. Her fingers slid off the phone,pushing it closer to the edge. She leaned back against the bluff for a moment, gatheringstrength to stretch farther. She closed her eyes, praying for strength and deliverance.Finally she opened her eyes and leaned forward, screaming when the pain hit her again. Refusing to give up, she stretched until her fingers closed over the phone.Leaning back against the bluff, she rested for a moment. She lifted the phone andsearched the contact list, pausing on Alex’s name. He’d be at work. Gerald would be

back by now and he’d remember the bluff. She scrolled down to Gerald’s name andpressed send. The phone rang four times before he answered.

“Gerald? It’s Carmen. I fell off Ed and I’m stuck on the side of a bluff where we wereriding earlier.”

There was an audible gasp. “Are you alright?”

“I think I broke something. I can’t get up ...”

“Where are you?” he interrupted.

She glanced around. That was a good question. Exactly where was she? Shethought she knew every inch of her place, but she’d never examined it from this anglebefore.

“Carmen?” His voice was urgent.

“I’m not sure. I fell off on the way down the trail from Mom & Dad’s graves. I forgotmy phone there today and wanted to get it before the storm.”



“I’ll call Alex,” he said. “Hang in there.”

Shifting her position to relieve a cramp in her hip, she twisted the injured shoulder and cried out in pain. Her grip tightened on the phone involuntarily and it shot out of her wet hand, bouncing once on the ledge before plunging over the bluff. Moments later it

clattered on the rocks below. She leaned back against the bluff, shivering. She might aswell figure on getting that cell phone for Jonathan.

At first she was confident someone would find her soon, but after what felt like anhour, she wondered if they would find her alive. As her shoulder began to swell, the painwas nauseating. She drifted in and out of consciousness – which was probably why shethought she was dreaming when she heard the voice calling her name. For a momentshe lay silent, and then the voice called again. It was Alex! She scrambled to sit upright,forcing the pain in her shoulder to the back of her mind.

“Alex!” she screamed.

“Carmen?” he called again, closer this time.

“I’m down here,” she called.

Two shots rang out – one right after the other. Apparently that was a signal that hehad found her. In the distance, the rumble of engines suggested other searchers. Alex’shead appeared over the edge of the bluff.

“Carmen? Are you injured?”

“I think I broke something. I can’t sit up.”

“Over here,“ Alex said to someone. “Tie that rope to my saddle and hold my horse.I’m going down. She’s injured.”

In a moment Alex slid over the edge of the bluff, hanging on to a rope. His rain coatflipped in the breeze, exposing rippling muscles in his thighs as the square toed bootssought and found solid footholds in the wet rock. Even now it was a pleasure to watchhim. He was so lithe and sure-footed – her knight in shining armor.

Gerald’s head bobbed above, watching him descend.

Reaching the ledge, Alex released the rope and knelt beside Carmen, frowning.

“You can’t sit up? Can you feel your legs?”

“Yes. It’s my shoulder. Every time I try to sit up, it hurts so bad that I pass out.”

He examined her, apologizing briefly when he caused pain. He wasn’t rough, but hecertainly wasn’t gentle. Under the circumstances, maybe it was impossible to be gentle.

“How long have you been down here?”



He didn’t look at her when he spoke and his voice was controlled. Maybe she washurt worse than she thought.

“I’m not sure – probably a couple of hours.”

He grimaced and stood, calling to Gerald.

“Is the ambulance on the way?

Gerald nodded. “It should be at the house in a few minutes. How is she?”

Alex shook his head. “I think she has a dislocated shoulder. I can’t see anythingelse except some scrapes and bruises. It’s hard to tell, though. Send one of those

ATV’s to the house to bring them up here.”

For a few moments he stood looking over the edge at the rocks below. He didn’tlook particularly concerned. And then it hit her. He was angry with her for going up into

the mountains alone. He had warned her how dangerous it was, but she had disobeyedhim. Now she was costing him time at the clinic, an ambulance bill and who knew whatkind of medical bills?

She gazed up at him until he finally looked at her. For a moment they gazed intoeach other’s eyes. The hard chocolate gaze melted.

“Did Ed come to the house?” she asked.

The hardness came back into his eyes and he looked away.

“We found him.”

He turned and leaned his back against the bluff as he looked up at Gerald.

“Toss a bottle of water down here.”

Gerald’s head disappeared. A few minutes later he leaned back over the bluff anddropped a bottle of water into Alex’s waiting hands.

“They’re on their way up here.”

Alex nodded as he knelt beside Carmen.

“Here, drink some of this so you don’t get dehydrated. We’ll have you out of herepretty quickly.”

It crossed her mind that she couldn’t get dehydrated in this rain, but she obedientlydowned some of the water. Immediately she started to shiver.

Alex removed his rain coat and put it around her shoulders.



“They’ll be here in a minute,” he said.

Dark specks in her eyes gave her a short warning and she glanced up at Alex,feeling the faint coming on.

“Alex …” she gasped as she leaned towards him.

His fingers bit into her arms as darkness took the pain away.

When she woke again, her body was in motion. Opening her eyes, she saw Alexstanding on the ledge below her. Behind him, the bluff fell away to rocks far below. Shefelt nauseous.

As the stretcher was lifted over the edge, Gerald leaned over her, his expressionconcerned.

“Don’t worry. You’re going to be fine. The ambulance is waiting at the guest house.”

“Where’s Alex? Will he ride with me?”

“I’m right here,” his deep voice answered. “I’ll be behind the ambulance in the car.”

“Go ahead and ride with her,” Gerald said. “I’ll follow you in so you have a ridehome.”

Unconsciousness took her away again. If Alex rode in the ambulance with her, shewas unaware. She woke in the hospital, Alex standing beside her, his expressionanything but pleased. In fact, it lay somewhere between concerned and annoyed.

“How do you feel,” he asked.

“Sick,” she said through lips that felt thick and unresponsive.

He nodded. “It’s probably the pain medication. Try to rest.”

It wasn’t a suggestion and there was nothing sympathetic about his tone. He wasstill upset because she disobeyed him. At this point, so was she. Why couldn’t he bewrong – just once?

She glanced down at her arm, which was in a sling, and then back at Alex.

“Was it broken? Did they already set it?”

“You had a dislocated shoulder – and yes, they already put it back into place. Youwere lucky and there was no torn tissue or fractures. The biggest problem was somehypothermia.”



A big clock on the wall behind him indicated it was almost nine. She focused on hisface again.

“Where are the children? Did they eat supper?”

“Felipa is with them right now. I’m sure she fed them supper. They’re probably inbed.”

“When do I get to go home?”

He shrugged. We’re still waiting on the doctor to tell us if they’re going to keep youovernight.

She frowned, glancing around the empty emergency room. “We?”

Alex glanced up as a tall figure stepped through the door. Gerald nodded anacknowledgment to Alex and then his troubled gaze fell on Carmen.

“Oh, you’re awake now. Are you feeling a little better?”

Carmen nodded. “At least I don’t hurt … much.” She forced a smile. “Why are youhere? You’re supposed to be a guest.

His smile was wry. “I’m also a friend.”

She nodded, “True.” A quick glance at Alex caught him watching them warily. Helooked tired. No wonder. He worked all day, climbed the hills looking for her – not tomention the worry she had cost him today. She sighed.

“I’m sure having you close was a big comfort to Alex. He’s had quite a bad day.”

Alex looked surprised and then frowned. “Me? You’re the one who has had the badday.”

Gerald shifted his attention to Alex. “Why don’t you go down and have a cup of coffee. I’ll stay here and keep her out of trouble.”

Alex ran fingers through his hair and then rubbed the back of his neck.

“Well, I could use a break.” He eyed Gerald a moment. “Are you sure you wouldn’tmind?”

Gerald jerked a thumb at the door. “Get out of here,” he said with a smile.

Alex needed no more encouragement. The door was barely closed behind himbefore Gerald moved to the side of the bed. He gazed down at her with a puzzledexpression.

“Why did you go back up there?”



“I forgot my phone and a storm was coming up.”

He frowned. “So? Why go up there alone? Rob was at the house. I’m sure he wouldhave been glad to go up there with you.”

Carmen grimaced. “I’m sure,” she said in a sour tone.

Gerald stared at her for a moment. “Are you afraid of him?”

She bit her lip. She wasn’t exactly afraid of him, but she didn’t want to be out therein the woods alone with him either.

“I guess it was a stupid thing to do, but I didn’t want Jonathan to know I left it upthere.” She sighed and shrugged, wincing at the pain caused by the motion. “Now Alexis furious with me.”

Gerald grunted. “He’s just scared and upset about Ed.”

Carmen nodded. “He said he found him. How is he?”

Gerald frowned again. “He’s dead. Didn’t he tell you?”

Carmen caught her breath. “Dead? From the snake bite?”

“What snake bite?” Gerald shook his head slowly. “We had to shoot him. I’m notsure which bothered Alex more, having someone else shoot him or knowing he hadsuffered for a long time. He was pretty torn up about that, but mostly he was sick withworry about you.”

Carmen stared at him in horror, remembering the two shots she heard. Her stomach twisted into a knot. Ed had suffered miserably for hours because she haddisobeyed Alex. The phone could have been replaced and she could have swallowedher pride. No wonder Alex was so upset with her. She finally found her voice.

“Oh my gosh!” He’ll never forgive me for this.”

“He’ll get over it,” Gerald said, placing a hand on her uninjured arm. “You’re aliveand going to fully recover. That’s what is most important.”

The tears came suddenly without warning. “I broke his heart,” she sobbed. “I

betrayed him.”

“Shhh,” he said, leaning down and putting a comforting arm around her. “He’llforgive you. Just give him a little time.”

He didn’t know Alex. Not really. If Ed had died of natural causes, he would havebeen saddened, but this was different. Ed had suffered needlessly for hours becauseshe had done something careless – after promising she wouldn’t. What was it Alex hadsaid? She usually did something stupid after saying she could take care of herself. It



was stupid alright – stupid and selfish. This was exactly what he was talking about. Her stupidity had cost a life this time – the life of a dear friend. Forgive her? Not likely – nor could she forgive herself. Her stomach lurched.

“I’m going to be sick,” she warned.

Gerald barely had time to retreat before she unloaded on herself and the bed. Hepushed the call button as she retched again.

His voice was stern. “Calm down.”

Wet, sick and horrified, she wept and retched in turns until the nurse arrived. After one glance, the nurse called for reinforcements. Within minutes Carmen wassurrounded by people cleaning up the mess she had made.

A deep voice interrupted them briefly as Alex inquired.

“What’s going on here?”

“It’s my fault,” Gerald said. “I didn’t realize she didn’t know what happened to Ed.”

The nurses chased them from the room so they would have room to work and thensomeone gave her a shot. It didn’t take long for it to work and she began to feel better.She lay back on the clean bed, drained of strength. They probably wouldn’t let her gohome now.

A few minutes later Alex returned without Gerald. Carmen gazed up at Alex.

“I’m so sorry about Ed.”

He avoided her eyes. “Get some rest. They want to keep you overnight, so Geraldis going to take me back home. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Without so much as a goodbye kiss, he left the room. She couldn’t blame him for being upset with her. At home he would have Gerald and Felipa for support. Maybe hewould feel different in the morning.

Chapter Nine

Alex arrived the next morning alone to take her home from the hospital. He was not

feeling better. In fact, their conversation was restricted to necessities. He didn’t kiss her or even touch her except when he helped her out of the car at home. On the up side,her shoulder didn’t hurt. Maybe it was the pain meds – or whatever they were giving her to keep calm. That was working pretty well.

Felipa met them at the door, her face uncharacteristically sober.

“Lunch is almost ready. It is not much. I do not have much cooking experience.”



“Thank you Felipa, but I think I’ll be able to cook,” Carmen said.

Alex broke in with a stern response. “The doctor said you were to rest for two or three days.”

Felipa glanced at Alex, clearly uncertain if it was safe for her to say anything. Histone was a firm statement that instructions would be followed henceforth. Carmenwasn’t about to argue and it wasn’t likely that Felipa would either.

For the first three days, Carmen endured the indignity of his chagrin. On the fourthday he came home from work to find her at the stove, cooking supper. He paused amoment, the mail in one hand as he watching her. She smiled.

“It’s the fourth day and I feel fine. Anyway, I’m using my right arm, not the left.”

He nodded. “Where’s Felipa?”

“She took the children outside for a while.”

He tossed the mail on the counter and walked out the back door – evidently insearch of someone he wanted to talk to.

Tears burned her eyes. She had no right to feel sorry for herself. She was the onewho caused this disaster. That’s what their marriage was right now – a disaster. EvenFelipa was sober under his critical eye. Felipa had done nothing to deserve his wrath.

And yet, he had not spoken a word of disapproval. Most of the time his tone was devoidof any emotion. They didn’t fight – they didn’t communicate their feelings. They didn’tmake love. It was strange, but she missed him terribly.

The door closed behind her and his quick step clipped across the floor. As hestopped beside her, a tear slid down her cheek and dropped to her shirt.

His hand captured her chin and turned her face toward him. For a moment his gazewandered over her face.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, her voice faltering.

He wiped a tear from her face with a thumb as he gazed into her eyes.

“It’s just a horse,” he said.

She started to cry. “No. He was your friend. You could talk to him when you couldn’ttalk to me.”

“Ed was a horse,” he repeated. “I’m glad it wasn’t you.”

She leaned toward him, leading with her right shoulder. He drew her close, takingcare not to touch her left shoulder.



“Crying isn’t going to bring him back.

No, it wouldn’t for a fact, but then, neither would sulking. Maybe he was ready toforgive her now. She drew a deep breath and let it out slowly until it no longer faltered.Finally she drew back and gazed up at him.

“I’m sorry I disobeyed you.”

His brows shot up in surprise. “Disobeyed?” The brows came down crouching over brooding dark eyes. “This is a marriage, Carmen, not a dictatorship. You promised meyou wouldn’t go up there alone and you broke your promise. Don’t act like I’m somekind of control freak.”

She caught her breath and took a step back.

“I didn’t mean to … I know I broke my promise, but … sometimes things happenand we change our minds.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and frowned down at her.

“So what was this important situation that forced you to break that promise?”

“I left my phone up there and it was going to rain. It would have ruined the phone.”

His brows shot up again. “The phone was insured.”

She met his gaze. “I know that, but what would Jonathan say? He’d use that for anexcuse and …”

Alex rolled his eyes and interrupted. “That’s lame, Carmen. Who’s the adult here?So, if you left your phone up there it would have been ruined. Would that have beenmore irresponsible than what actually happened? We told him he couldn’t have aphone. That’s all we needed to say. You’re the one who tacked on the reasoning that hehad become irresponsible.”

She frowned at him. “He hasn’t been taking care of his horse and …”

“No, he’s been absorbed with the band. It isn’t that he’s irresponsible. The problemis that he is making poor choices. Do you think your example is going to correct thatproblem?”

She stared at him, squelched by the truth. A person never got old enough or matureenough that they were no longer capable of making a poor choice.

Alex continued. “What I don’t understand is why you didn’t get Rob to go up therewith you. I understand the rest of them were gone, but he was there at the house. Andwhy didn’t you at least tell Felipa where you were going so someone would have knownto look when you didn’t get back on time. What were you thinking?”



She stared at her feet, gnawing on her lower lip. The reason all revolved around thefact that she felt uncomfortable around Rob – and the fact that Alex had said she wasencouraging him. He hadn’t actually done anything and he was a customer. It wouldhave been wrong to talk badly about him to Felipa. Still, she should have told Felipawhere she was going. There was only one reason why she didn’t, and that was becauseshe was embarrassed that she had forgotten the phone in the first place.

She lifted her head to find Alex watching her. He was waiting for an answer. Shesighed heavily and turned toward the stove.

“I should have told Felipa where I was going.” She lifted a lid and checked thebroccoli.

“And Rob? Why didn’t you ask him to go with you?”

He had a right to know. He probably already suspected. She shrugged and then

winced.

“I felt uncomfortable around him. He was always saying things that … I didn’t wantto be alone with him.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

She lifted her head and frowned at him. “I did, but you said I was encouraging him.”

His frown deepened. “I only knew what I saw. Did he touch you or threaten you inany way?”

She shook her head. “No. I can’t explain it. I just don’t feel safe around him.”

He studied her face for a moment and then nodded. “Woman’s intuition.” He gazedabsently at the wall for a few minutes. Finally he nodded again. “That makes me feelbetter about part of it, anyway. His eyes focused on her face again. “But why didn’t youcall me?

“You were at work. I thought I’d be back within an hour – and I didn’t have myphone.”

He nodded, still frowning. “Why didn’t you call me when you fell – instead of Gerald?”

Of course, his pride was injured. She met his gaze.

“You were at work,” she repeated. “I thought Gerald would be back by then and Icould direct him to where I was.”



He ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily. He looked weary – more so thanshe had ever seen him. She had done this to him. And yet, he had been troubled bysomething before all this happened.

Supper was quiet. Even the children sensed his mood. Even so, his tone wascasual when he did speak. After supper the twins and Destiny crawled into his lap andlistened quietly as he read them a story. Felipa excused herself and left the house. If

Alex knew she had a date with Aaron, he said nothing about it. Jonathan ghosted to hisroom for the evening, as though escaping the tension.

That night Carmen stayed up after Alex went to bed. She was in the office workingon the computer when Felipa came home. Apparently she saw the light and came upthe stairs to talk. Carmen looked up and smiled when she came into the office.

“How was your date?”

Felipa dropped into a chair, her expression dreamy.

“Wonderful. I think I am in love.”

Carmen laughed and Felipa giggled.

“We had a lovely evening, though.”

“Where did you go?”

“Do you know that topless bar in Fayetteville?”

Carmen stared at her and nodded mutely.

“Well, it was not that place.” She ducked her head and giggled again. “Actually,there is not so much to do here. We ate ice cream at the mall. Then we went for a rideand talked. It was nice being with each other.”

“I’m sorry,” Carmen said. “I’ve pretty much left you with all the responsibility for our business. I feel better now. I think I’ll get back into the saddle a little – figurativelyspeaking.”

Felipa caught her breath. “Do you think you should? What does the doctor say?”

“Well, I’m not supposed to be riding a horse yet, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t geta hay ride together – maybe a Barbecue too.”

Felipa favored her with a bright smile. “That does sound like fun!” The smilevanished. “But what would Alex say?”

Carmen shrugged her right shoulder. “Maybe he would enjoy it.”



Felipa made a face. “He has been a drag lately, has he not?”

“He’s had a lot on his mind lately.” Carmen said as she turned to shut off thecomputer. “I’ll tell you what. Why don’t we take the buggy out for a ride tomorrow?

“That sounds wonderful!”

Felipa stood and headed for the door. “I am exhausted. I think I will go to bed. Shepaused at the door and turned back, smiling at Carmen. “I hope Alex gets in a better mood. You have had much on your mind too, but you still try to be happy.”

She bounced down the stairs, leaving Carmen staring after her. It was a nice thingfor Felipa to say.

Carmen turned out the light and descended the stairs. Felipa wasn’t the only onewho was exhausted. Maybe Alex was as well. At least he was talking now.

She undressed and climbed into bed, pulling the covers up. Alex lay still beside her.It took a moment for her to realize he wasn’t asleep. She rolled over and faced his back.

“Alex, are you awake?”

“Yes.”

He didn’t move.

Carmen sat up and leaned her back against the headboard, drawing her knees upto her chest.

“Do you think you can ever forgive me?”

He turned the light on and rolled over to face her, resting on one elbow.

“For what?”

She made a face. “For killing Ed.”

His gaze roved over her face. Finally he sighed.

“I forgive you for breaking your promise.”

She studied his stoic features. “But not for killing Ed.”

For a moment he was silent. Finally he lay on his back and stared at the ceiling.

“You didn’t kill Ed.”

No, she didn’t. Maybe that was what was eating at him – that she let Ed suffer.

“I’m sorry he suffered like that.”



He was silent for a moment and when he answered, his voice was controlled.

“So did you.”

Maybe he wished someone had shot her. It reminded her of their conversation

about Brutus. He said Ed was only a horse – and Brutus was only a dog. It wasn’t like Alex to talk like that about animals. Maybe it was the way he accepted the loss –categorize and prioritize species. He was upset that she didn’t do something aboutBrutus so that he didn’t suffer. Maybe in a way he blamed her for letting Ed suffer aswell. Of course, logically he knew there was nothing she could do about it. Then again,she had neglected Ed when she took him up a dangerous trail in bad weather. He saidshe had acted irresponsibly. Well, maybe she had.

She let out a long sigh. “I wish I could go back and change what I did, but I can’t.I’m ashamed that I caused so much harm to everyone. I was only thinking aboutmyself.”

He turned his head and frowned at her. “That doesn’t sound like you at all.”

Did he think she had no conscience about what happened? She slid down to thebed and sighed again. “It’s true though. I am ashamed of myself.”

He smiled for the first time since the accident.

“I meant thinking only about yourself didn’t sound like you.”

He rolled over and put an arm around her waist, drawing her toward him gently.Slowly he bent his head and touched her lips with his in a soft caress.

She leaned into his kiss, instantly consumed by desire. “I love you,” she whisperedagainst his lips. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

Without another word, he pulled her close, kissing her passionately. Then, gentlyand careful not to injure her shoulder, he made love to her.

Chapter Ten

Saturday morning Alex was lounging against the kitchen counter nursing a cup of coffeewhile she fixed breakfast. They were alone so she announced her plans for the hay ride

and barbeque.

For a few minutes he stared into the cup, absently swirling it around. Finally hespoke.

“Maybe you should hold off awhile until your shoulder gets better.”

“It doesn’t even hurt any more,” she said, glancing at him.



He met her gaze and his neck turned red. “I thought last night …”

Warmth flooded her face and she smiled. “It didn’t hurt, but I appreciated your gentle touch.”

He moved away from the counter and set his coffee cup on the table. Pulling a chair out, he sat down and put one foot across his knee. His gaze lifted to her.

“I’d feel better if you’d hire someone to help you.”

“I have Felipa right now and I’ll be able to do it in a few days.”

He frowned. “Or months.”

She sighed. “It isn’t like anything I do is all that strenuous.”

He shook his head and lowered his foot. “Let me rephrase that. I insist that you hire

someone to help. You hire a man to trim their hooves, why is having a handler anydifferent?”

For a moment she stared at him stupidly. He had never insisted she do anything.Sure, she brought a farrier in, but that wasn’t every day. She had considered hiringsomeone – and tossed the idea out. Finding someone qualified and dependable wouldbe difficult and time consuming. In any case, hiring a handler would eat up her profits.Finally she shrugged.

“Well, if it makes you feel better, but I like taking care of the horses.”

He nodded, eyeing her sourly. “You’re afraid no one else will do it right.”

She caught her breath. “That isn’t so,” she denied instantly.

His smile was wry. “Isn’t it?”

She frowned. “No. It’s just that I can’t afford it.”

His brows shot up. “Then I’ll hire someone.”

She frowned. “That’s just taking it out of one pocket and putting it into the other. I’mtrying to make this a profitable business.”

He groaned and rubbed his head. “Carmen, why do you have to be so difficult? If you’re so concerned about losing money, why don’t you just give it up?”

She wasn’t the one being difficult, and her reasoning was sound. The problem was;he didn’t take the business seriously. To him it was something to occupy her mind, notsomething important - like his work.

“I’m not going to just give up. It’s important to me – even if it isn’t important to you.”



He met her gaze. “It’s like the goat dairy, isn’t it? You’re going to make it work if itkills you – and it almost did. You’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.”

“Maybe you should look in the mirror,” she ground out as she turned away fromhim.

She turned back to the stove in time to see Felipa hesitating at the door. Carmensmiled and motioned to her.

“It’s alright. Come on in. We won’t come to blows.”

Felipa walked into the kitchen and eyed Alex warily.

“Is this about the hay ride and barbeque? I planned on helping her, you know.”

Alex stood. “I’m not sure we’re even talking about the same thing.” He walked over and poured the rest of his coffee in the sink, glancing at Carmen as he set the cup

down.

“Hire some help or I will,” he said quietly. He turned and strode into the living room.There he sat in his chair and picked up the morning paper, dismissing the womenfolk.

When Carmen glanced at Felipa, she rolled her eyes and turned her palms up insubmission.

Now they were arguing in front of family as well as guests. Maybe she was being asdifficult as he was. She didn’t have to hire a man full time. In fact, it didn’t even need tobe a man. It would be nice to have a woman around to talk to. She might not have

thought about that if Felipa hadn’t come to visit. Felipa was so much help, and theythought alike – pretty much. Maybe it was their love of horses. But then, Alex lovedhorses too – until she killed his. Yes, she was being unreasonable under thecircumstances. Alex probably figured that if she had a hired hand the accident wouldn’thave happened. She owed him something for what she had taken away from him.

The guests arrived at the prescheduled time for the buggy ride. Alex didn’t have togo to the clinic, but he wanted to complete some paperwork at home so he declined thebuggy ride. It would be the first time they took a buggy ride that Ed wasn’t pulling thebuggy. Likely he was feeling emotional about it and using work as an excuse. It wouldhave been a first anyway, because the buggy had been altered so two horses could pullit. Another first would be the fact that the children wouldn’t be with them. They were atchurch camp with Katie today.

Alex was reading some papers in the family room when the guests came in. Hepretended not to be listening when Carmen announced a barbeque and hay ride for Sunday evening.

“I won’t be able to do much,” she confessed, “but I’ll get it organized.”



Rob put an arm around her shoulders. “Don’t worry your pretty head about it. We’lldo all the grunt work.”

Alex glanced up from the paperwork, giving Rob a withering look. When Robdropped his arm and stepped back, Alex glanced at Gerald, who looked uncomfortable.

None of them said a word and Alex never looked at her.

Carmen gave Rob a level look. “If I didn’t think I could handle it, I wouldn’t haveplanned it.”

Rob lifted his hands, palm out in surrender. “Sorry. I was just trying to help.”

Carmen turned to the door, fighting off a feeling of disappointment that Alex didn’tdo more. He could have said something to Rob, though at the moment anything hecould have said to make the situation better eluded her. Still, his silence made her feellike he was chastising her as well. Maybe he was. Maybe he thought she was

encouraging Rob again.

When Felipa came through the back door, Aaron fixed his attention on her. Shesmiled at him as she spoke to Carmen.

“The horses are hitched to the buggy and waiting outside.”

Alex turned his head and looked at her. “I would have helped you …”

Felipa shrugged as she interrupted him. “It is a simple thing. I did not need help.”

Carmen opened the front door and glanced at Alex.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?”

He nodded. “I’ve got to finish this stuff.” He lifted the paper. “I’m a week latealready.”

Her accident had thrown him off schedule. He was so busy all the time – soobsessed with something.

“Could I help you?” Carmen asked.

He shook his head, not giving an explanation. Feeling rejected again, she turned

and walked out the door. He didn’t need her help, but he insisted that she get help.What was good for the goose wasn’t necessarily good for the gander, it seemed.

As she paused at the buggy, from the corner of her eye she saw Rob approachingher. Pretending she didn’t see him, she tried to scramble quickly into the wagon so thathe wouldn’t have an excuse to touch her. In her haste, her foot slipped on the runningboard causing her to fall. A strong hand gripped her arm, stopping the fall. A warm deepvoice spoke behind her.



“Take it easy, Carmen.”

Alex assisted with hands on her waist as she climbed into the buggy. She smileddown at him coyly.

“Maybe you should come along in case I need help.”

His smile was wry. “I’m sure you’ll do fine without my help.”

Her smile faded and for a moment she gazed down at him. Had she offended him?It hurt to think he didn’t want to help her.

He turned to assist Felipa into the buggy and then stepped away, watching as themen boarded.

Carmen looked up to find Rob turned around in the front seat, watching her with astrange expression. He glanced at Alex and then turned around to face the team as

Aaron settled down beside Felipa. Gerald sat down in the seat next to Carmen, his gazesearching her face.

She smiled. “I guess we’ll have plenty of room back here.”

Felipa started the team of horses forward and Carmen watched Alex all the way upthe stairs and through the door. He never looked back. She blinked back tears and triedto swallow a lump in her throat.

Gerald patted her on the hand. “Give him time,” he whispered.

Of course the buggy ride would remind Alex of Ed, but there was more. Somethingelse was troubling him. Deep inside she had a gnawing fear that he regretted moving to

Arkansas – maybe even marrying her. He was disappointed in her. It was in his toneand his eyes. Well, why wouldn’t he be? She killed his best friend. Maybe Gerald wasright. Maybe he simply needed time to get over it.

Chapter Eleven

At Felipa’s suggestion, Carmen had the Sunday night barbeque catered. At first shethought that wouldn’t be possible on such short notice, but since the place specialized inbarbeque and the need was small, they were able to fit them in. Carmen had invited

Katie, Bill and a few friends from church that morning. Jonathan and his new band weregoing to play for them. Sometimes spontaneous events worked out better than well-planned ones.

Even Alex participated in the last-minute planning, finding a wagon and harnesses.He bought some battery powered lights to hang on the wagon and Gerald helped himpile hay on the wagon.



Aaron and Felipa went to town for some ice cream, so Rob helped Carmen set uptable and chairs outside for the barbeque. Jonathan was playing with the three smaller children, directing them as Alex would. For a moment it was a disturbing thought that

Alex was influencing him that way. Then the idea morphed into goodness. Jonathanwas accepting the responsibility of his younger siblings – without being directed to doso. He often did that. He could and probably should be enjoying time doing what hewanted to do. She’d pay more attention to that in the future.

As she unfolded a chair, Carmen glanced down the drive.

“I thought Aaron & Felipa would be back by now.”

Rob followed her gaze as he finished pulling the last leg out on the table. He liftedthe table from its side and sat it up.

“Maybe Aaron needs a little more time to dig his gold.”

Carmen frowned. “Dig his gold? Was he going to the bank?”

Rob grinned. “Gold digging.”

She stared at him. “Gold digging?”

It took a moment to sink in and then her face grew warm. Did he think that Aaron’sonly interest in Felipa was monetary? Was it? That didn’t seem likely. Felipa wasbeautiful and had a great personality. Aaron didn’t strike her as being that shallow.

Another thought came to mind. She eyed Rob thoughtfully. How did Rob know Felipahad a wealthy father? Maybe Aaron had told him. Somehow that seemed unlikely. Did

Aaron even know? Did Gerald tell him?

Rob shrugged. “Forget I mentioned it. I was only joking.” He glanced around at thetables and chairs. “If you don’t need me for anything else, I need to go home andshower.”

Carmen nodded. “Of course. Thank you for all your help.”

He looked fine the way he was. Maybe he was looking for a reason to get awayfrom her.

As Rob crossed the foot bridge across the creek, Alex and Gerald emerged from

the barn and started for the house. They met in the field and talked for a few minutesand then separated – Rob continuing toward the guest house and Alex and Geraldangled toward the footbridge. By the time Carmen retrieved the table cloths from thehouse, Gerald and Alex had crossed the footbridge and were on the path up the hill tothe house. Gerald offered to help Carmen with the table cloths and Alex went inside towork in his office until the guests arrived.



Gerald shook the table cloth out and held it down in the breeze while Carmenclipped it to the table one-handed.

“How’s the shoulder,” he asked as she fastened a clip.

“It’s getting better all the time. The doctor says I can take it out of the sling when I’mresting. He wants me to wear it while I’m working, though. He says it will remind me notto use it. Actually, it reminds me that I can’t use it.”

Gerald chuckled. “Isn’t that the same thing?”

Carmen wrinkled her nose at him. “Probably, but what good does it do me to takethe sling off if I can’t use the shoulder?”

They moved to the next table and Carmen concentrated on the clips, contemplatinghow to bring up the subject and finally deciding there was no best way, so she simplyasked.

“Does Aaron know that Felipa’s father has money?”

When Gerald didn’t respond, she looked up to see why. He was leaning on thetable, watching her. He shook his head.

“I’m not sure where you’re going with this, but yes, he knows she’s a Medena. A lotof people from the Huston area have reason to know the Medena’s – some even havereason to dislike them.”

Warmth raced up her neck. Was he talking about Alex? But then, Candice didn’t

like them either. She placed another clip and came to the point.

“Rob suggested Aaron was gold digging.”

For a moment he studied her face, and then he shrugged.

“I doubt that. Aaron isn’t loaded, but he isn’t hurting, either. Besides that, he doesn’texhibit any of the typical signals of one. He’s responsible about how he saves andspends his money and I’ve never known him to be influenced by money or power.Felipa is a nice girl. Why wouldn’t he be interested in her?”

It was a good point. She smiled. “That was my observation.”

She placed another clip and then glanced up to find Gerald watching her. His coolgaze settled on her face.

“Why would Rob care about Aaron’s intentions toward Felipa?”

Why indeed? She shrugged. “Maybe he doesn’t like the competition.”



He stared at the table reflectively. Something was troubling him. Had she been rightabout a relationship between him and Felipa? Was he worried about Felipa?

She sighed. “Maybe he was only joking – or trying to see how I would react.”

His troubled gaze lifted to her face. The pupils contracted in the sunlight, leavinglarge pools of blue iris. He was a good looking man. Why hadn’t she ever noticed thatbefore?

“Maybe,” he said, and then hesitated. “Then again, maybe he isn’t interested inFelipa at all. Maybe you’re the one who has his attention.”

Carmen caught her breath. “But I’m married.”

He nodded. “To a Medena heir who is wealthy in his own right.”

Carmen laughed. “Well, he’d be barking up the wrong tree. I’m just a poor hillbilly.

Alex is the one with the money.”

Gerald gave her a level look. “When you married him, you became vulnerable aswell.”

Carmen sobered and stared at him. Why hadn’t that occurred to her before? Sheconsidered the money still his, but the courts wouldn’t. Was that why Alex was soconcerned about her safety lately? Was that what had been troubling him? Why didn’the simply say so? Then again, maybe he didn’t want her to think about that possibility.Surely he knew she didn’t marry him for his money – and that no one else could turn her head. When they met she was living a simple life and she had done nothing to make

him think she wanted anything more. The old question returned. Was she holding himback?

Gerald’s mouth slipped into a wry smile. “It’s a scary thought, isn’t it – havingsomeone look at what you have instead of the person you are?”

Her laugh sounded nervous. “I’m afraid I don’t have much to offer either way.”

Gerald chuckled. “I’m afraid Alex wouldn’t agree.”

She shrugged. “Alex doesn’t have anything to worry about. The only way he’s goingto get rid of me is with a foot on my backside pushing me out the door – and then I’ll

leave fingernail marks in the door jamb.”

She placed the last clip and stood back, surveying the outdoor dining area.

“There. We’re ready for the other guests - and the caterers.”

Gerald spoke as he turned away. “I think that’s my cue to go clean up. I’ll see youlater.”



He strode off toward the guest house. Carmen watched him until he reached thefootbridge. Had Alex confided in him? If he needed someone to talk to, he could havetalked to her. She frowned. Actually, he had talked to her, but she hadn’t taken himseriously. He told her not to encourage Rob. And yet she was the one who feltuncomfortable about him. It was all beginning to make sense. She’d have to be morecareful in Rob’s presence. Maybe Gerald was trying to warn her of that as well.

As she turned toward the house, a cloud of dust caught her attention. Finally Aaronand Felipa were returning. At the porch she paused, watching the car coming up thedrive. Katie and Bill would be arriving soon with the children. She had an idea about away to put Alex back in his own element. If she wanted to catch him alone, she’d better get it done now.

Alex glanced up from his computer when she walked into his office.

“Are the guests arriving?”

She shook her head as she shut the door. “Aaron and Felipa just got back.”

He turned away from the computer, glancing at the door with a wary expression.

“Is something wrong?”

She smiled. “No, I just wanted to discuss business with you.”

His gaze was fixed on her, so she continued.

“I thought maybe you could hire someone to help me. You have experience with

that sort of thing and I really don’t know where to start.”

He frowned. “I don’t have any more experience hiring people than you. Call theemployment office. You know what you want.”

Actually, she did know what she wanted – no one. He was the one who insisted thatshe hire help. He said if she didn’t he would. Obviously that was merely a ploy.

He leaned back and ran fingers through his hair.

“Look, I have enough on my plate right now. You can do this. I know you can – andyou will too after you’ve done it once.”

Her initial reaction was an urge to crawl under the table. He was treating her like achild. But then, maybe he felt she was acting like a child. If he was feelingoverwhelmed, the last thing he wanted to do was take on her problems. That idea fellflat. What was overwhelming him?

“If there’s something I can help you with, I’d be glad to.”



He turned back to his computer. “Thanks, but there’s nothing you can do. I’ve got tofinish this. I’ll be down in a little while.”

Carmen stood and walked to the door. She glanced back to find him watching her.She smiled.

“I’m sorry I interrupted you. You’re right. I can do this on my own.”

When she closed the door, he was still watching her. He was probably wonderingwhat she was up to. Whatever was bothering him, it was clear that he didn’t want tocontinue his role as protector and director. She could probably help him best byconducting business without consulting him for every detail. Hiring help so that he wasrelived of that worry was a good start. It couldn’t be much different than hiring a sitter.She descended the stairs with a new sense of purpose. Alex needed her help and shewasn’t going to let him down. He would tell her about his problem in his own timeframe

– and maybe that would be when he felt she was less of a burden.

In the kitchen she paused, remembering a previous conversation with Alex. Whywould he want to adopt a child if he was feeling overwhelmed?

“Did you forget something?”

Felipa was standing at the sink, watching her.

Carmen sighed. “No, I was just wondering.”

Felipa raised her brows. “What?”

Carmen shook her had. “It doesn’t matter. Has the caterer arrived yet?”

Felipa nodded and smiled. “They are setting it up as we speak. Shall I call Alex?”

“No, he’s working on something and doesn’t want to be interrupted. Is Katie hereyet?”

“I do not think so. Shall I check?”

Carmen smiled. “I think I can handle that.” She turned toward the door and thenstopped. “Did you get the ice cream?”

Felipa laughed. “We were gone so long, yes? We brought the ice cream. I put it inthe freezer. We also bought some disposable bowls. This is good, yes?”

Carmen formed the OK sign with her fingers and winked.

“This is good.”





“This is Sam,” a distinctively feminine voice replied. “I got your message. Are youstill looking for someone?”

“Yes.” Carmen described the help she needed and where they lived.

“That’s awesome! I live about five miles from you. I’ve heard of American WildlifeSafari. That sounds very interesting. I’m only home for the summer, though. I’mstudying to be a veterinarian, so I’ll be going back to college this fall.”

They talked for a little while and then Carmen set up an interview time for thatafternoon. Hopefully she wouldn’t be a disappointment.

Felipa returned a few minutes later, eyes shining and a contented smile on her face.

“The guys wanted me to tell you that they really had a good time last night. So did I”

Felipa helped with the beverages while Carmen gathered the children and got theminto their chairs.

“Where did you go today?” Carmen asked as they sat down at the table.

“They wanted to see the ruins again, so I took them on that route. They wanted toknow if we could go into the south hills tomorrow. I told them I did not know who ownedthat area.”

They paused for a few minutes to say grace and then Carmen responded.

“We do – well, actually it’s part of the land Alex had when we got married,” Carmenanswered, cutting a sandwich in fourths for the twins. “There are no established trails,but I’ve been in that area before.” She hesitated, unsure if Alex would approve. Heprobably didn’t want to be interrupted again for something she could do withoutassistance, though. “I suppose it would be alright – if you don’t think you’ll get lost.”

Felipa waved a hand in dismissal. “Oh, we would not get lost.”

“You know,” Carmen began as she handed a sandwich to Destiny. “I’ve beenthinking about making more trails – maybe putting some markers up so people can rideon their own.”

“Oh, this would be an excellent idea!” Felipa said.

They ate in silence for a few minutes and then Carmen announced her good news.

“I have a girl coming out here this afternoon for an interview. She sounds like shemight be exactly what we need.”

Felipa frowned. “This is for help with the horses? Alex will not mind that you hire agirl?”



“Why would he care whether it’s a male or a female – as long as they’re qualified?”

Felipa looked uncertain and then shrugged. “You would know how he likes it.”

At 3:00 pm on the dot, Sam arrived at the door for her interview. Sam was a tall

redhead with large blue eyes and a sprinkle of freckles over an upturned nose. She wasan attractive girl with a quick smile and a perpetual twinkle in her eyes. It didn’t look likethere was an ounce of fat on her muscular frame. She was dressed in indigo jeans anda white cotton shirt with turquoise piping. Her western ensemble was complete withboots and a black Stetson hat.

Felipa watched the children while Carmen took Sam to the office. Carmen shut thedoor and crossed the room, sitting at the desk and indicating a chair for Sam. She hadmade a list of questions, but after asking half of them, she wound up setting them asideand letting instinct guide her. Sam was an interesting person. Her accomplishmentsincluded farrier skills and equine care.

About time she was thinking Sam might be the one she wanted to hire, Sam threwa kink into the process. She picked up a picture of Carmen & Alex and pointed to Alex.

“Is this your husband?”

Carmen nodded, thinking Sam was going to comment on his past.

Sam whistled and spoke softly. “Wow! He’s really good looking!”

Carmen was instantly relieved and then equally concerned. It wasn’t something shehad often heard. To her, Alex was the best looking man she had ever seen, but so far

no one had agreed. Watching Sam drool over him – especially during a job interview –left Carmen feeling uncertain about the girl. If she openly admired him in front of her prospective employer, what would she do when she was alone with him?

Carmen cleared her throat. “He’s my husband,” she reaffirmed.

Sam glanced up in surprise and blushed. “I didn’t mean to be disrespectful.”

Maybe Sam was merely being spontaneous or maybe her intent was flattery.Whatever the case, her response was reassuring. Carmen stood and pushed thepapers aside.

“Would you like to take a tour?”

Sam stood and smiled. “I’d love to.”

They left Felipa with the children and Carmen drove Sam to the stables. Sam askedwhich horse Carmen wanted and then began saddling it.

“If you don’t mind my asking,” Sam began cautiously, “How did you hurt your arm?”



“I dislocated the shoulder in a fall.”

Sam glanced at her. “A fall from a horse?”

Carmen grimaced. “That’s part of the story.”

“I didn’t mean to pry,” Sam said. She glanced around the stable. “Which one?”

If Sam was going to take care of the horses, it was important that she know whichones to be cautious with. In this case it was irrelevant, but Sam wouldn’t have any wayof knowing that.

“It was Ed,” Carmen said. “We kept him separate because he was a stallion.”

Sam eyed her with a fair amount of discomfort, which wasn’t surprising becauseCarmen was close to tears.

“He died in the fall … or afterward.” Carmen continued. “He suffered …”

Her voice broke and without warning she began to cry. It was embarrassing, butshe couldn’t stop.

At first Sam didn’t seem to know what to do. She shouldn’t have needed to doanything. And yet she did. She put an arm around Carmen’s shoulders and spoke in asoothing, completely calm voice.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

Carmen wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and regained some composure.

“It’s alright. I thought I was over it.”

“Why don’t you tell me about it while I saddle my horse?”

As suddenly as she lost control, Carmen regained it. Maybe that was what sheneeded to do – tell the entire story to an unbiased audience. She told Sam whathappened, including the part where she disobeyed Alex and rode up into the hills alone.

At that point Sam got an amused look in her eyes and looked away.

“It must have been quite an ordeal for both of you … all three of you.” Sam finallysaid.

Carmen frowned. “All three of us? You mean Ed?”

Sam smiled. “And Gerald - that would be all four of you, I guess.”

Of course, it must have been difficult for Gerald. Like Sam, he had no part in it, yetshe had drug him into it with a phone call. No wonder Alex was so upset with her for calling him. It was totally unprofessional – as it was right now discussing their problems



with Sam. If only she could reverse this day and start over. Of course, if she couldreverse today, she could go back and reverse the accident.

“Well, that’s all water under the bridge now,” Carmen said.

Sam helped her into the saddle and then mounted her horse.

“Where to?” she asked cheerfully.

They rode the lower trail. One thing was certain. Sam was an excellent horseman -possibly as good as Alex. She knew a lot about the safari animals, mentioning a fewthings that even Carmen didn’t know. Finally she turned an excited face to Carmen.

“This is even better than I had imagined. You must be really proud to haveaccomplished all this. How many acres do you have?”

“We have a little over 160 acres, but we aren’t using all of it right now. I’m thinkingabout starting some trails on the south side. It’s pretty much untouched right now – andunfenced.”

It was nice having someone who could talk knowledgably about the animals –someone who not only understood their interest, but shared it. She lost all track of timeuntil she looked up and saw Alex riding toward them. She caught her breath andglanced at her watch.

“Oh my gosh! It’s almost 5:30. I’ve kept you longer than I intended.”

Sam smiled. “I’ve enjoyed it immensely.”

Alex caught up with them and dropped a stern gaze on Carmen.

“Are you supposed to be riding?”

“I can ride. I’m just not supposed to be pulling myself up with my left arm.” Sheindicated Sam. “This is Sam Collins. She’s applying for the job.”

Alex leaned sideways and stretched a hand out to Sam,

“It’s nice to meet you, Sam. Are you from around here?”

Sam accepted his hand and laughed. “Well, not technically. I’m from Arizona, but

I’ve spent the last three summers within 5 miles of this place.”

Carmen smiled. “Sam is studying to be a veterinarian. She’s also a farrier.”

Alex had turned his attention to Carmen when she spoke, but her words sent itscurrying back to Sam.

“That’s interesting. Where are you attending college?



With those words, Carmen lost both of them. She turned her horse back toward thehouse and they followed, deep in conversation. Between veterinary school and theanimal safari that had been Alex’s dream, it should have been no surprise that they hadcommon interest. Still, she felt excluded. It was childish and she should get over it.

With all that in mind, she was shocked when Alex expressed his impression after Sam left. They were alone in his office at the time.

“I think you should continue looking for help,” he said in a casual tone.

She stared at him. “Why? She seems perfect for the job.”

He shrugged. “Possibly, but a man would probably be a better fit.”

If he had hit her, it wouldn’t have been a bigger shock. She gave him a hard look.

“That’s just the kind of thing your father would say. It’s discrimination – and here I

thought you were above that.”

His brows came down and his voice rose. His eyes flashed fire.

“It isn’t discrimination. Sam is qualified to take care of the horses, but she isn’t ableto take care of you.”

Carmen matched his frown. “Now what is that supposed to mean? I’m supposed tobe hiring someone to help me with the work, not wipe my nose.”

His jaw worked and he lowered his voice. “Weren’t you listening to her? Shedoesn’t believe in guns. She couldn’t defend herself, let alone you.”

Carmen lifted her chin, challenging him. “When was the last time you had to use agun to defend yourself on our land? And that isn’t exactly a woman’s viewpoint, youknow. I could hire a man with the same attitude.”

He folded his hands over his chest and gave her a smug smile.

“I believe the last time I used a gun on this place was to defend you – from a bear.If you’d been out there with a gun like I told you to do, you wouldn’t have neededanyone to defend you. And yes, you could find a man who felt the same way Sam does,but around here it’s unlikely.”

“Alright, so you defended me. I appreciate that. If you hadn’t been there the bear probably would have caught me. I carry a rifle now – like you told me to,” she concludedwith a final snipe.

He dropped his arms to his sides and shook his head.

“When we got married, you wanted me to protect you. You had faith in my judgmentthen. Now all you do is argue with me.”



His words blasted through her thin armor and she fired in defense.

“If I remember correctly, when I asked you to hire someone, you didn’t have time.Now all of a sudden you have time to criticize my judgment. You’re the one who insistedthat I hire someone. Make up your mind.”

His tone became controlled. “Is that what this is all about – pay me back by hiringsomeone you know doesn’t qualify?”

No, actually what this was all about was control. And yet, if she truly wanted him incontrol, why wasn’t she doing what he recommended? A little voice deep inside criedthat if he couldn’t be in control, he would leave her. Of course, that wasn’t so … was it?She always wanted a man who would wear the pants – until now. Why was it suddenlyso important to do this her way?

She sighed and shook her head.

“I don’t know, Alex. It was so nice having someone to talk to – someone whounderstood how I felt. I wasn’t thinking about protection. I don’t know what I wasthinking about.”

For a moment his gaze ran over her face like it used to, and then his expressionsoftened.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you lately. I’ve been so wrapped up in …”

He paused, obviously realizing who he was confiding in, and then continued. “I’msorry. I swore I wouldn’t tell anyone right now. I wish I could, but …”

He looked like he wanted to cry. He wouldn’t do that, though, so she did it for him.What was it about the uncontrolled emotions lately? And why would he promisesomeone he wouldn’t talk to her? What was the secret this time? She wiped tears fromher eyes and stepped into his waiting arms.

“I miss you.”

The words slipped out unbidden. It was true, though. Alex hadn’t been around sincethe accident - only this person who looked tantalizingly like him.

He didn’t respond verbally but his hands caressed her back - as though that would

solve anything. Yet for some reason she felt better. She surrendered to a long unevensigh.

“If it’s so important to you, I’ll interview more people. I suppose I should …”

“No. I pawned this job off on you. The least I can do is support your decision. Asyou pointed out, you carry a gun. At least there would be another person with you incase something happened – and she seems the capable type otherwise. If you feel



comfortable with her …” He paused briefly and then continued. “I suppose it would besafer than sending you out in the woods with a strange man.”

She pushed away from him, lifting her chin to look him in the eye. But the wordsshe intended died on her lips when she saw the twinkle in his eyes. She gave him a wrysmile.

“Safer for me, or the man?”

He chuckled – the first time he had done so since the accident.

“Either way, I’m sure Sam would be the better choice.”

Maybe he thought she was discriminating against a man. Whatever he thought, hesaid nothing more. She hired Sam.

Chapter Thirteen

In another week, their guests would be going home. Felipa would be leaving as well andthings would get back to normal – whatever that was. Alex was still preoccupied with hissecret. In fact, he was spending more and more time in his office, working on hiscomputer. It crossed her mind that she might find the answer there when he was goneto work. It also crossed her mind that pilfering through his things to get informationabout something for which he had sworn to be silent would be a great invasion of hisprivacy. People did have a right to privacy, even if they were husband and wife, contraryto what Katie thought.

If Alex was a big question mark right now, Jonathan was an exclamation point. The

issue of a phone had virtually disappeared, but in its place was a fashion problem. If hehad simply wanted different clothes, she might have complied, but what he wanted to dowas slice his clothing up with a razor blade and get jeans so long that they shreddedfrom being walked on – like the other band members.

“You want me to dress like old people,” he told her one day.

“No, I want you to respect the clothing you are given and not destroy them.”

“I’ll get me a job and buy my own, then.”

Carmen gave him a level look as she stirred the pot of fresh green beans.

“It isn’t about money, Jonathan. I don’t want you running around in tattered clothes.Your friends will like you for who you are, not what you wear. Friends don’t try to changeyou.”

He eyed her clothing and spoke hesitantly, as if not certain whether he would bepunished for his words.



“Then how come you dress like Katie tells you to?”

Warmth crawled up her neck and spread into her cheeks. As Dad used to say, a hitdog always hollers. She turned on him.

“Go to your room!”

That’s what her parents would have said if she had sassed them that way and itslipped out of her mouth before she had time to think about it. He was right, though. Shehad been dressing the way Katie told her to – acting the way Katie said she should.

Jonathan ghosted out of the kitchen and when he passed through the living roomshe stopped him.

“Jonathan?”

He looked up at her, obviously afraid she would further chastise him.

“Don’t go to your room. You’re right. I shouldn’t let anyone tell me how I shoulddress so that I will look like someone I’m not. It’s one thing to buy clothes that are infashion because you like them. It’s quite another to do so only because they are thecurrent trend. I still don’t want you to cut up your clothes, but if what I buy you to wear isn’t what you want, you’re old enough to select your own clothing.”

He eyed her with a wary expression, probably not sure if he should quit while hewas ahead.

She smiled. “Why don’t we go shopping tomorrow and we’ll both get what we want

instead of what other people want us to wear?”

He looked uncomfortable. “You mean just you and me?”

Of course. What teenage boy wanted mommy taking him around to buy clothes?She shook her head.

“I’ll give you the money and you can shop in a men’s store while I shop for mythings. I’ll pick you up when you’re done.”

He nodded, apparently still waiting to hear the rest of the story. “If I had a cellphone, I could call you when I was ready.”

She tapped the counter with her fingernails and counted to ten before responding.

“Don’t push it, Jonathan.”

His smile was reminiscent of earlier years when he was more pliable. For a momentshe felt sad. Those years were gone forever. Jonathan was growing up fast. He neededroom to grow into a man. He needed the influence of a man. Was Alex shuttingJonathan out the way he was with her?



That evening as they prepared for bed, she talked to Alex about it.

“How would you like to take Jonathan shopping?”

He glanced up as he pulled the covers back.

“Why? Don’t you have time?” he asked with the same wary look Jonathan gave her.

“I have time,” she responded, pulling the covers back and fluffing her pillow. “I justthink he needs the influence of a man.”

He eyed her a moment longer and then sat down on the edge of the bed, kickinghis slippers off.

“At least you consider me a man.”

Carmen caught her breath. “You know I consider you a man. You’re more of a manthan any man I’ve ever known.”

He crawled into bed and pulled the covers up without responding.

Why would you say a thing like that?” she persisted.

He lay on his back, hands folded on the blankets, eyeing her skeptically.

“If you think I’m more man than Gerald, then why did you call him instead of me?”

She stared at him, digesting the idea that they were back to square one. Obviously

the answer she had given him in the beginning hadn’t satisfied his need. She hadconsidered calling him first, but he was at work. Gerald was at the guest house – closer.But Gerald must have immediately called Alex. Of course he would. Why didn’t shethink about that at the time? She was injured and in peril. Alex had the right to know.She should have called Alex first. Of course, there was the other thing. She would havehad to tell Alex that she had gone up to the graves alone.

She crawled into bed and pulled up the covers, scooting back and leaning againstthe headboard. She drew her knees up to her chest and gnawed on her lower lip as sheconsidered the rest of that story.

Alex rolled over and watched her. He was waiting for the answer she didn’t want togive him. There was no point in putting it off. She might as well admit it and get it off her chest. She gazed down at him.

“I thought maybe Gerald could help me out of that fix and you’d never know I wentup there alone.”

He came up on one elbow, his expression wavering between annoyed and hurt.



“Why? Did you think I’d spank you?”

It was a fair question. It was a childish thing for her to do. It wasn’t fear of disappointing him that had made her act in such a cowardly manner. She was trying toavoid his wrath. It was something she might have expected of Jonathan – someone

immature. She sighed.

“Maybe I deserved a spanking for acting like a child.”

Alex groaned. “Carmen,” he shook his head. “Why do you do these things? I can’tprotect you if you disregard my advice like a ch….”

“Like a child? I’m not a child, Alex.” She interrupted forcefully. “I’m your wife. I had aright to ride up there – alone if I chose to. I wish I hadn’t taken Ed. He was your horse,but if I’d been riding any other horse, that snake would have scared them. It wouldn’thave mattered if there were seventeen capable people with me – or just you. I still

would have fallen down that hill and over the edge. Having a gun wouldn’t have made adifference, either.”

He frowned. “What snake?”

Talk about avoiding an issue. “The Copperhead that bit Ed,” she hissed.

“You never said anything about a snake before.”

Actually she had. She told Gerald, but he didn’t need to know that either. She sliddown under the covers, muttering under her breath.

“We weren’t talking, remember? I disobeyed you and killed your horse.”

She shut off her lamp and turned on her side with her back to him. What differencedid it make whether there was a snake or Ed got nervous and threw her? She shouldn’thave been up there on him. It was a poor decision. That was the end of it.

Alex was quiet for a few minutes and then shut his light off. He lay still with his backto her. Maybe he was angry, or hurt. Either way, her intended conversation aboutJonathan certainly got derailed. It was probably just as well. Apparently Alex didn’t haveany more time for Jonathan than he had for her. What was going on with him and whenwould he be at liberty to discuss his secret with her? Wasn’t that a little childish? Grownmen didn’t promise not to tell, did they?

The next morning when she woke he was already gone. She dressed in a pinkcotton T-shirt, jeans and western boots - because that was what she wanted to wear.When Sam arrived, Felipa invited her to ride with the guests. Sam looked to Carmen for guidance.



“Go ahead,” Carmen said. “It will give you a chance to work with the horses and getto know them as well as the land. I’m taking the children shopping this morning.”

After they all left for their ride, Carmen put all the children in the car and went totown for the day. She dropped Jonathan off and told him to meet her at a specific time

and place. She watched him go in and then left with a certain amount of concern.Jonathan was big enough and responsible enough to take care of himself, but he lackedthe experience to recognize a potential threat. Sometime she would have to let go.She’d best begin now so it wasn’t such a shock later. She took Destiny and the Twins toanother store to shop. Destiny selected a few light dresses and Carmen bought someclothes for the twins. She bought a couple sundresses and some feminine T-shirts for herself.

When she returned to pick up Jonathan, she barely recognized him. He wasdressed western from the tip of his boots to the top of his hat. The indigo jeans huggedhis lean build, making him look taller.

“Jonathan,” Destiny gasped. “You look beautiful!”

Carmen laughed. “He does look handsome, doesn’t he?”

Jonathan beamed. “I like this hat, don’t you?”

They all agreed that the new look was cool and then decided on pizza for lunch. Itwas nice simply being with the children and having no other commitments. She shouldthank Alex for insisting she hire help.

There was one other thing she wanted to do before they started back home. She

went to a farm supply store and purchased enough supplies to fence in a large area inthe south part of their land. She would put her goats in there and let them clear out thebrush. Several days ago she had ordered a goat stanchion to put in the barn. Shemissed the goat milk and making cheese as much as she did the scheduled milking. Itwas time to stop burdening Alex with every decision and make a few of her own.

The materials were scheduled to be delivered the day after tomorrow. Stopping bythe employment office, she contracted for temporary help to put up the fence. Themoney was what she had set aside for the business and the fenced area would becomeanother route for tours. She would bring Princess up to the pasture where Ed used tobe. That way she could ride down to the stables.

When they returned to the house, she made a peach pie and put a chicken on tobake. Then she tossed her new clothes into the washer and sat down at the table to dosome figuring. Before Katie started teaching her how to be a modern wife and mother,what were her expectations? Was that what she wanted now? No wonder she had feltso harried for the last few months. Somewhere along the line she had left herself behind. People changed and grew, but she hadn’t been growing. A person couldn’tgrow when they were living up to the expectations of others. Alex married an



independent woman who loved to cook and take care of her family. What he had nowwas a woman who turned to him for every decision – a woman who wore clothesbecause they were in fashion. Unless he had changed, that wasn’t what he wanted. Of course, he could have changed - in which case they would drift further apart if shereverted. It was a chance she had to take unless she wanted to spend the rest of her life

being what everyone else wanted. The only way she could be sure she was what hewanted was to stop pretending. Socializing didn’t require a person to look or act likeeveryone else.

Chapter Fourteen

The resolution to be herself didn’t go unnoticed. Reverting to jeans and T-shirt for working was an obvious change, but the change inside gave her a peace she hadforgotten existed. Apparently it did nothing for Alex except make him wonder what shewas up to.

When he came home to supper and found peach pie, baked chicken and all thetrimmings, he might have been pleased, but his expression was more displeased whenhe saw her in a sundress. The children were all seated, so he sat in his chair at thetable. He frowned.

“Have you abandoned your guests?”

“No, why?”

“You’re not going to go over there in that, are you?”

She placed the carved chicken on the table and looked him in the eye.

“Do you think it’s indecent?”

The furrows between his eyes deepened as his brows drew down further.

“No, but you look …” He grimaced and looked down at his plate, muttering. “Wear what you want. You will anyway.”

“Unprofessional?” she persisted as she sank into her chair and pulled it up to thetable without his assistance.

His troubled gaze came back to her face. “I didn’t say that.”

“No, you didn’t. I’m only trying to understand why you think it’s inappropriate.”

“I didn’t say it was inappropriate.”

“I think she looks cool,” Jonathan submitted, cutting his eyes to Carmen and givingher an encouraging smile.



Whether he meant she looked good or literally cool was unclear, but his smile wasdefinitely supportive.

Alex swung a gaze on him that was clearly intended to bring silence to the table –and it did. What had got into him lately? Now he was even being abrupt with the

children.

“Take your hat off at the table.” He said in an even tone. “Where’d you get that thinganyway?”

It was one thing to have him bark at and disapprove of her, but she wasn’t going totolerate him being short with the children.

“Jonathan is going for a new look. I think it looks nice.” She smiled at Jonathan.“But do take your hat off when you set down at the table, Jonathan. That’s thegentlemanly thing to do.”

Jonathan removed the hat and set it on the counter, his injured gaze swinging backto Alex for approval.

When Alex didn’t respond, Carmen nudged his foot under the table with hers. Heglanced up at her and she sighed.

“I’m sorry you had such a bad day.”

“I didn’t …” he glanced at Jonathan and then back at Carmen. Finally he shrugged.“Maybe I did at that.” He lowered his head to give thanks for the food and everyonefollowed his example. After grace he looked at Jonathan.

“You look nice, Jonathan.” His gaze shifted to a bowl of food. “Now, would you passme those mashed potatoes?”

Jonathan grinned and handed him the potatoes. “Mom took us shopping today andgot a bunch of stuff.”

Alex turned an innocent gaze on Carmen. “Oh? What brought that on?”

Carmen shrugged. “We all needed some clothes and I had a few errands I neededto run. It was nice spending the day with the children.”

His gaze wandered over her face for a moment and then her attire. Finally hesmiled, his attention coming back to her eyes.

“You look very nice.”

Destiny sat up straight and eyed Alex. “I think she looks like a princess with her hair up like that, don’t you, Daddy? I picked some yellow flowers to go in her hair, but shesaid they looked better in a vase.”



Alex glanced at the vase of dandelions on the counter and nodded. “I’m sure they’llstay pretty longer in the vase.”

His gaze returned Carmen, following the line of the bodice and caressing her neck.He absently swirled the iced tea in his glass as his gaze finally met hers. He lifted a

brow and spoke softly.

“Maybe some pearls around a lovely neck?”

The words were innocent enough, but the look in his eyes increased her pulse.Maybe he thought she looked too good to be gallivanting around in front of the guests –particularly Rob. Why didn’t he simply tell her that instead of leaving the impression thatthe clothes were improper? Then again, maybe he thought she was trying to encourageRob. What made a man act jealous when he had no cause to be? Hadn’t she causedenough trouble trying to avoid Rob, and hadn’t she told Alex that the man made her feeluncomfortable? He needn’t worry. She had no intention of wearing sundresses when

she was with the guests – and it had nothing to do with being concerned about how sheappeared to them. A dress would be unhandy for riding.

After supper Alex went upstairs to work in his office. She cleaned the table and thenwent out to the porch to remove an empty bird nest from the eve. Every year birds builta nest there. Alex suggested she fill it with spray foam to keep them out, but baby birdswere one of the things she looked forward to every year. It was no trouble to pull thenest down after they were gone. This was the first year she had tried to remove it withher arm in a sling, though. It would probably be easier to go back and get a stool, but itwas only a few more inches. She put a foot on the bottom rail, between the bars andgave herself a boost. She stretched as far as she could. Her fingers felt the rough edge

of the nest, and then she was falling. Strong hands caught her by the waist and sheturned, dropping the arm from its sling and around his neck. She started to laugh andthen realized it wasn’t Alex who had caught her.

She gasped and released Gerald. If he hadn’t grabbed her, she would have fallenfor sure.

“Careful!” he warned as his hands secured her by the waist.

“I’m fine,” she said as she regained her balance and stepped away from him.

He grinned. “What were you trying to do, little yellow butterfly … fly?”

She smiled up at him. “I was trying to remove that bird’s nest. I’ve done it everyyear but for some reason when I tried to do it with the sling on, I lost my balance.”

He leaned forward and plucked the nest from the corner, and that was when shesaw Alex.

His expression was clearly bewildered. Had he seen enough to know Gerald hadstopped her from falling? He took a step closer and his brows came down.



“Aren’t you supposed to keep your arm in that sling?”

She slipped her arm back into the sling. “Only when I’m working. The therapist saidI should take it out otherwise, so the joint doesn’t freeze.”

His brows resumed their natural position as he turned to Gerald. Maybe he cameout after Gerald released her – or maybe he saw what happened. Whatever the case,he didn’t appear upset with Gerald.

“Are you ready?” he asked as Gerald handed her the nest. His gaze went from thenest to Carmen. “Why didn’t you tell me you needed help?”

She shrugged. “You were working in your office and I’ve done this before.”

His gaze held hers for a moment, and when he spoke, his tone was injured.

“I was busy again.”

Gerald cleared his throat. “I’m ready.”

Alex tore his gaze from her and nodded to Gerald. As he turned to go, he spoke toCarmen over his shoulder. “We’re going down to get some…” his voice was drownedout by the opening of the garage door behind her. He glanced up at her as they walkedpast the porch. “We’ll be back as soon as we’re done.”

Apparently he had called Gerald and he had walked over – catching her before shefell. Good timing, but it would have been better timing if Alex had caught her – more funtoo. Warmth flooded her cheeks as she remembered that she was going to kiss Alex.

Wouldn’t that have been a shock? Of course, it could have been worse. She could havekissed Gerald by mistake as Alex walked out on the porch.

She glanced down at the bird nest in her hand. Well, no harm done. From now onshe’d use the step-stool instead of doing it the lazy way.

As she stepped inside, the telephone was ringing. It was the lumber yard sayingthey had rescheduled and would be delivering the supplies at ten in the morning. Shecalled the employment office and they rescheduled the three men they were going tosend to help put up the fence. Alex might be unhappy that she hadn’t asked him to help

– because he was working – but he’d probably be glad to know she hadn’t calledGerald.

Wherever Alex and Gerald went, they didn’t get back until after dark. Felipa, Aaronand Rob had gone to town with Sam and the three youngest children were asleep.Jonathan was in his room, practicing the violin and she was folding towels on their bedwhen Alex returned.

“Where is everyone,” he asked.



“Natalie, Matthew and Destiny are all in bed asleep and Jonathan is practicing hisviolin.”

He nodded. “Where are Rob and Aaron?” He glanced around, “And Felipa. Is sheout with Aaron again?”

Carmen smiled as she folded a towel. “Well, actually Sam and Ron went with them,so it’s a foursome. I think they went to a movie.”

He nodded again. “Which leaves Gerald at home alone.”

“Where did you guys go?”

She placed the folded towels in the basket and set it on the floor, turning back toface Alex as he answered.

“I told you. We went down to Mr. Getson’s place to deliver a calf. Gerald wanted to

go with me so I had him meet me here.” He paused, eyeing her suspiciously. “Thatreminds me. What were you doing in his arms when I came out on the porch?”

She caught her breath. “I wasn’t in his arms … well, I was, but only because hecaught me when I fell.”

His gaze dropped to her arm as he walked over to her. “Where’s your sling?”

She glanced down at her arm. “I took it off so I could fold these towels. I’m notdoing that much and …” she paused as he stopped in front of her and looked up at him.“It gets in the way,” she finished as she gazed into his eyes.

The hunger in his eyes increased her pulse. He touched her neck, softly tracing afinger from below her ear all the way down to the swell of her breasts.

“Carmen,” he groaned as he pulled her to him and kissed her neck. “You’re sobeautiful,” he whispered.

She circled his neck with both arms – the first time she had done so since theaccident. She snuggled close to him, delighting in the way his hands caressed her waistand hips. This was the way it used to be. She surrendered to his lovemaking, brieflydisappointed when he stopped to shut their bedroom door. Then he lifted her into hisarms and carried her to the bed. Life was good.

Chapter Fifteen

The next morning she slipped into a yellow T-shirt and jeans. Catching her hair up in apony tail, she tugged on her boots and joined Alex in the kitchen.

He lifted his brows. “Working this morning?”



She kissed him. “Yes. Felipa is going to take the children to town this morning whileI work for a change.”

He gave her a wry smile. “You work hard every day.”

She smiled. “I meant that we’ll switch, for a change.”

He poured the rest of his coffee in the sink and pointed at her arm.

“You’d better put the sling on so you won’t forget and use it too much.”

“I will.”

It was nice to have him back to his old self again. She poured a cup of coffee.

He slapped her playfully on the backside. “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you later.”

She walked him to the garage and waited while he backed out of the garage - thenwatched as his truck bounced down the drive. He was always going to work, it seemed.She sighed and returned to the kitchen. She’d better get breakfast ready.

The three men arrived shortly before the truckload of supplies. Felipa watched thechildren while Carmen showed the men where she wanted the fence and explained howshe wanted the gate in the existing fence. They spoke in broken English, but theyappeared to understand what she wanted. She’d have to keep an eye on them to besure. She could always get Felipa to talk to them if she needed to.

While the men were working on the fence, a delivery truck brought the stanchion.She was considering getting one of the men to carry it to the barn when Gerald andSam arrived on horseback.

“What’s going on?” Gerald asked.

Carmen shaded her eyes from the sun as she looked up at him.

“I’m having an area fenced in so I can let the goats run in there and eat the brush.Then I’m going to make some tour trails.” She indicated the box. “This is a stanchion.I’m going to start milking a few goats and making some cheese. I was thinking aboutgoing out there and getting someone to carry it to the barn.”

Gerald dismounted. “I’ll take it out there for you.”

Sam offered to help but Gerald declined, saying it wasn’t that heavy. He carried it tothe barn and set it down where she indicated. Gerald and Sam watched as Carmenopened the box and started putting it together. The three of them were laughing and

joking while they put the stanchion together when Alex came into the barn. His puzzledexpression turned dark when he noticed Carmen wasn’t wearing her sling.



“What’s going on in here – and out there?”

“We’re trying to put a goat stanchion I ordered together – and not having muchluck,” Carmen said.

He paused beside them and turned a stern look on Carmen. “Where’s your sling?”

“I took it off for a while. I’m not doing much, anyway.”

“What’s going on outside? Do you know there are men out there putting up afence?”

Carmen nodded. “I hired them. They’re fencing off an area for the goats to run.They’ll clean up the brush and …”

“You hired them?” He demanded in a controlled voice. “Without discussing it withme?”

Oops. Maybe she should have troubled him with it. She glanced at Gerald, who waslooking uncomfortable, and then Sam, who appeared more amused than concerned.Carmen turned her attention to Alex.

“Actually, I thought you’d be glad I didn’t trouble you with it. I hired someone insteadof trying to do it myself. I thought you’d be happy I was handling it.”

“Do you know they’re tearing up the fence behind the barn? Did you tell them whatyou wanted them to do?”

“Yes, I …”

“Did they understand?” he interrupted.

“I think so. I told them to …”

He swung around and walked out the door, leaving her to chase after him. Sheglanced back at Gerald and Sam before she stepped through the door. Gerald lookedworried and Sam was shaking her head. There wasn’t time to contemplate why.

Alex rounded the corner of the barn and addressed the man working on the areawhere the gate was going to be.

“Qué estás haciendo con ese muro?“

Jose stopped working and threw Carmen a questioning look.

“La señora me dijo que pusiera la puerta aquí.” He responded.

Alex turned to Carmen. “What do you want a gate there for?”



She scowled up at him. “First of all, he can speak English. Second, I prefer notlifting the goats over the fence to get them into the barn, and third, if you’d let me finish…”

“You can’t just put up a fence, Carmen. You have to get a survey.”

This was getting out of control. She smiled at Jose.

“It’s alright. Go ahead.”

Without another word to Alex, she turned and strode toward the barn. There was nopoint talking to him while he was in this mood. He wasn’t listening anyway. Whathappened between this morning and now?

He followed her into the barn. Fortunately, Gerald and Sam had escaped. Sheswung around and faced him.

“We have a survey, Alex. I showed them the pegs and I have been watching them.They are doing exactly what I instructed them to do. I’m sorry I didn’t discuss this withyou first.”

He scowled down at her. “Why are you always trying to humiliate me?”

She caught her breath. “Humiliate you?”

He turned and stalked out of the barn without waiting for an answer. If he had beenhumiliated today, he gave no indication. Actually, he had done a pretty good job of humiliating her in front of her guest and hired help. Why would he act like that? This

morning he seemed to be back to normal. Was he humiliated because she had madethe decision without asking him – and why was he home at this time of the day? Itwasn’t even noon yet.

She closed the barn door and headed for the house. She wasn’t ready to face hiswrath, but neither was anyone else and they had less reason to do so.

She found him in the kitchen, brooding over a cup of coffee. He didn’t give her timeto say anything before he started talking.

“I think we both need some space, Carmen. I’ve decided to take an extendedvacation. I’ve arranged for someone to take my place at the clinic until I return.”

Without waiting for a response, he turned and walked away, leaving Carmen staringafter him. Finally she revived from the shock of his words and followed him to thebedroom.

“You’re leaving me?”



Without looking at her, he pulled a suitcase from the closet and opened it on thebed. Going to the dresser, he pulled out some clothing.

“I don’t want to fight over this. We fight about everything now. I don’t want to livelike this.”

Her stomach felt tight and she licked dry lips.

“I love you.”

He paused only briefly at the dresser with his hands on the drawer. He respondedin a controlled tone without looking at her.

“I know, but that isn’t enough.”

He continued packing.

Her stomach rolled a warning as nausea gripped her middle. Turning, she headedfor the other bathroom. She leaned over the stool, expecting to lose the little she hadeaten for breakfast. Nothing happened, though.

Grabbing a wash cloth, she moistened it with cold water. The cool rag on her facehelped to master the nausea. Her face in the mirror was almost devoid of color exceptfor the eyes that looked large and round. She had dark circles under her eyes. Nowonder he wanted to leave. She looked a mess. No, that wasn’t it. What was shethinking?

She put an arm against the door jam and rested her forehead on her arm. This

couldn’t be happening. Sure, they were fighting a lot, but they always worked things out.Where had she gone wrong? What fatal threshold had she unknowingly crossed? Hesaid he wanted her to be independent and run her own business, but that wasn’t whathe actually wanted. If she knew what he wanted, she’d do it in a heartbeat.

As she heard the door to the garage close, a voice passed over her – a ghost fromthe past.

“He’ll leave you. I won’t.” But Josh was wrong. They both left her and now she wasalone with what they both thought she treasured most – the children.

Where would he go? Instantly she knew. He would go to his father’s house in

Texas. Where else would he take an extended vacation? Did the clinic know why hewas going? Not that it mattered. They would know where to contact him. Maybe it wasbest to let him go and get this out of his system. If he was so upset that he would leavethe clinic and his children, he needed time to himself. He’d come back. After all, he saidthey needed some space. He didn’t say he was leaving forever. But then, he didn’t denyit either – and he wouldn’t say he loved her.



The nausea returned suddenly and she leaned over the sink with a dry heave. Thehouse was silent – dead.

When Felipa returned a few hours later with the children, she stared at Carmen.

“What is the matter? You are sick?”

Carmen nodded and started to cry again.

Felipa ushered the gaping children down the hall to their rooms.

“Go play for a little while. Mommy is not feeling well. I will care for her.”

She returned and sat on the window seat beside Carmen, putting an arm aroundher shoulders.

“What happened?”

She might as well tell her. It would be difficult to hide. She daubed her eyes with atissue and swallowed a sob - if she could speak the words.

“He left me,” she finally managed.

Felipa gasped. “Alex?”

Carmen nodded.

Felipa shook her head. “He would not do this. Why would he do this?”

Carmen blew her nose and grabbed another tissue.

“He said I humiliated him and we fight too much.”

Felipa shook her head again. “He is full of this pride. He does not mean it. He willcome back.”

Chapter Sixteen

But Alex didn’t come back – not that night or the next three. He didn’t call to say wherehe was and when she tried to call, he didn’t answer his phone. At first she cried almost

non-stop. She avoided church because she was too embarrassed to face everyone.They all thought she was sick and she let them believe that. As far as she knew, Felipasaid nothing to anyone, but Gerald and Sam probably suspected.

To make matters worse, today was the fifth anniversary of the day Alexia was born – and died. Alex had stayed with her even when he thought she had betrayed him. Theyhad worked through what she thought at the time was her darkest hour. It was, but thiscame in as a close second.



Katie visited after church to check on her and demanded to know the entire story.There was little point in trying to hide it, so Carmen confessed. Katie shook her headand sighed.

“I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I know one thing. He would be

devastated without you. He’ll be back, and when he does come back, I hope you reallygive him what-for.”

“Something is troubling him,” Carmen said. “He told me he promised he wouldn’t tellanyone. It’s eating him alive.”

Felipa joined them. “Alondra called. She says Morino is not well.” She turned toCarmen. “She also says Alex is there and he does not look well.”

Katie rolled her eyes. “Neither does Carmen. Small wonder. I hope they give him atough time.”

“Katie!” Carmen gasped.

Katie looked chagrined. “Well …” She shook her head and waved a hand indismissal. “How are the kids taking it?”

Carmen glanced at Felipa and then sighed. “Destiny and the twins think he’s on abusiness trip. Jonathan hasn’t said anything, but I think he knows.”

“Probably,” Katie said. “I thought your guests were supposed to leave Sunday.”

“They decided to stay another week. Sam, Felipa and I have been running the

safari business. The men finished the fence and the goats are running in the south hills.We’ve taken the men up there a few times.”

Katie eyed her suspiciously. “Do they know?”

Carmen nodded. “I think so. I don’t know how Gerald could help but know. He andSam were standing there when Alex blew up at me. I’ve been a mess ever since.”

Katie sighed. “Well, try to pull yourself together. He’ll be back.”

“Maybe,” Carmen said as she walked to the kitchen. “I’m not sure I even care at thispoint.”

Katie grimaced. “I can’t blame you. Now you see what I mean about how he canbe.”

It was impossible to say what dragons Alex might be fighting at this point. He wasobviously at the end of his endurance. Maybe he had decided being in control of theestate was better than having no control in his home. At first she would have donealmost anything to get him back, but now that idea seemed full of holes. If he came



back, he’d only leave again. She had crossed the point of no return. She no longer wanted a taskmaster – especially one who would leave his wife and children whenthings didn’t suit him. How could they hope to have a normal relationship shrouded insecrecy? Still, she had to accept some of the blame. She was the one who insisted onhaving a man who would wear the pants – even if she didn’t fully understand what that

encompassed. To some degree, Katie had been right. She had been raised to acceptthe domination of Dad over Mom. They had a good relationship – most of the time. Shehad never known anything else. Maybe her mother hadn’t either. No doubt her father would have approved of Alex – the undisputed king of the castle. But she wasn’t like her mother – or maybe she was. How did she know how her mother felt? It didn’t matter. If all this had never happened, she might have gone on for years living the life she thoughtbest for everyone. But it did happen and now she knew the truth. Alex was a good manand she still loved him, but she no longer wanted him or anyone else in charge of her life. It wasn’t fair to either of them. It was one thing to love and protect, but quite another to blindly accept total domination. Alex couldn’t be expected to handle everything andshe couldn’t be expected to consult him on everything.

Katie left with the promise of calling every day to see if she needed help. That wasenough to make Carmen try harder. It wasn’t the first time Alex had been gone for over a week, leaving her to manage the farm and the children. But this time it was different.The twins and even Destiny cried about every small thing that didn’t go their way.Jonathan was solemn and, for the most part, silent. Felipa watched the childrensometimes to give Carmen a break. It was on one of those days that Carmen decided toride down to the stable on Princess and see how things looked. Sam had the day off, soCarmen fed the horses and watered them. They had been out to pasture all day, sothey were looking for attention. Sam was keeping them in excellent condition. Carmenreleased them and returned to the barn. She forked some hay to Princes and leaned thepitchfork against the wall near the door. Gazing out at the hills, she waited for Princes tofinish. She was standing there when Rob walked in.

“I thought I saw you come over here,” he said. “I thought you might need somehelp.”

Carmen tensed as she faced him. “No. I was getting ready to go back to the house.”

He nodded, his gaze traveling up and down her body in a way that made her feelnaked. He smiled. “I thought you might be ready for some company.”

“Like I said, I was just getting ready to leave.”

The smile faded from his lips. “You don’t like me very much, do you?”

She gave him a level look. “I don’t think about it much one way or another. You’re aclient. That’s it.”

He poked thumbs into his pockets and challenged her.

“You like Gerald … and Aaron.”



“Gerald is Alex’s friend.” She spoke against better judgment.

“And that makes him trustworthy?”

There was no point in responding to that statement. If he didn’t understand the

difference, it wasn’t going to do any good to explain it.

His laugh was short and humorless.

“Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter much now, does it?”

Whether he was referring to the fact that they were leaving or that Alex had left her was unclear. She remained silent and gazed out at the hills.

He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.”

She glanced at him, unsure of what he was sorry about. His gaze was solemn.

“You’re better off without him, you know. You deserve to be treated better.”

Whether she did or not was none of his concern. What did he know about her or their problems?

Princess lifted her head and nickered. Carmen started for the stall, but Rob grabbedher left arm.

“Maybe you think you’re too good for me,” he said in voice that was low and tense.

His grip bit into her arm and the sudden jerk caused pain in her shoulder. She

looked up at his face, trying to remain calm.

“You’re hurting my shoulder.”

His smile was ugly. “It won’t hurt if you’d stand still.”

Fear increased her pulse. This was hauntingly familiar to another episode where aman got too familiar. She might have screamed, but memory of what happened to Alexfroze her vocal cords. No one else was going to get hurt trying to protect her. She methis angry gaze and mustered all the courage she could find.

“Let go of my arm,” she said evenly.

He looked uncertain and released her arm. For a moment he searched her face.

“You’re the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen. I don’t know how he could leave you.”

He seemed sincere. But then, not being married, how could he understand whatwas required to sustain a marriage? How could she, for that matter? Hers wasn’tworking out all that well right now.



She tried to step around him, but he stepped into her path again.

“I can make you forget him. I’ll show you what love-making should be like.”

The situation was out of control and reasoning with him wasn’t going to work. Did

he actually think she would enjoy brute force, or was that merely an excuse? It didn’tmatter. It was clear he was going to do something. She darted for the pitchfork and hecaught her mid-stride, lifting her off her feet. She kicked at him, but he dodged. In aninstant he had her down and pinned to the floor.

“Get off me!” she demanded in a voice loud enough to wake the dead.

He chuckled as he straddled her at the waist. He didn’t sit on her and when heleaned forward to trap her wrists, he was gentle but firm about it. Maybe he consideredthis frolicking, but to her it was frightening. He smiled down at her.

“Not until you’re nice to me.”

“It’s all about power, isn’t it?” she ranted. “You’re bigger than me so you can dowhat you want. You’re nothing but a rapist!”

He grinned. “Oh, you misunderstand. I’m not going to rape you. You can’t rape awilling soul. I know what you’re missing. He’s been gone a long time.

He leaned down to kiss her lips and she bared clenched teeth.

He laughed and released her left hand long enough to pull the tail of her T-shirt outof her jeans.

There was little she could do at the moment with only one hand free – and that onthe injured side - so she waited for a better opportunity. So far he hadn’t done anythingto make her think he would actually physically harm her. He caressed her stomach,gradually moving his hand up under her shirt until he reached the bottom of her bra. Atthat point it was obvious that this was no longer play. His fingers searched under theelastic of her bra, finding and grasping the breast. His expression changed and hegroaned his desire.

That was when she jabbed him in the nose as hard as she could with her free hand.Pain ripped through her shoulder and she cried out.

He yelped and grabbed his nose with both hands. At that point she put all her strength into a punch with her right fist. She aimed and hit him in the stomach. Hegrunted and dodged, giving her time to roll out from under him. She lunged to her feetand grabbed the pitchfork. Jabbing it at him, she turned the tables, threatening him untilhe lay flat on the floor. His nose was bleeding profusely. She shoved the tines againsthis neck until they made indentations.



“You get out of here and off my land and don’t ever come back!” She spoke throughclenched teeth and her tone must have been convincing because he looked scared.

“Take it easy,” he said. “I wasn’t going to hurt you. I was just having a little fun.”

“I wasn’t,” she snarled.

She stepped back and held the pitchfork ready as he scrambled to his feet andheaded for the door. He silently left the barn and she watched him go to the house. Howhe would explain that bloody nose to his co-inhabitants would be interesting to see.

She leaned the pitchfork against the wall and breathed a sigh of relief. It was a nicefeeling to know she could handle that situation on her own. Who needed a gun anyway?Of course, there was a difference here. He intended her no physical harm. He didn’t getphysical until he decided she thought she was too good for him. He probably felthumiliated. She must be pretty good at humiliating people.

Rob had one thing right, though. She definitely missed Alex – and it had nothing todo with sex – well, not much anyway.

She called Alex again, before she left the barn, but it went to his answering service.This time she left a message.

“Alex, this is Carmen. Call me. We need to talk.”

She was through fretting and crying. Either he could come home or he could packthe rest of his things. She mounted Princess and left the barn. As she crossed the yard,Rob and Aaron came out on their way to the car. Rob was holding a bloody cloth over

his nose.

Aaron glanced up at Carmen.

“I’m taking him to the doctor. I think his nose is broken.”

She met his gaze. “Good.”

Without another word, she nudged Princess into a lope. It would take him a while towhip that nose into shape. Maybe from now on he’d keep it out of other people’sbusiness.

Carmen stabled Princess before going into the house. This time she informedFelipa about what had happened. The chances were slim that he would try it again, butFelipa needed to be forewarned.

Felipa gasped. “You should tell Alex.”

Carmen shrugged. “He’d probably just say I encouraged him.”

Felipa looked startled. “He would want to know.”



She was probably right about that. In the past he would have been livid. What hewould do about any given situation at this point was a mystery. He wasn’t likely to travelhundreds of miles to address the issue, though. She might as well get used to the factthat she was on her own.

Chapter Seventeen

The next morning dawned with two issues. The first was her shoulder. She woke withpain in the shoulder and her back. No doubt the attack yesterday had strained both. Theother issue manifested in a loud wail from Destiny’s room. She had a nightmare about

Alex being stabbed. Both of the twins were soon awake and crying. They too wereasking for Alex.

Carmen, Felipa and even Jonathan worked for almost two hours before theyestablished something close to a normal atmosphere. Carmen put her arm back in the

sling. It helped the shoulder, but it wasn’t doing her headache any good. Neither did thetwo Aspirin. By noon it would have been a close contest to say who was the crankiestperson in the house. As if that weren’t enough, the guests were supposed to leavetomorrow and wanted to go on a final ride. Leaving the children with Carmen, Felipa

joined Sam and the men on the last ride. Rob was still with them, but kept a low profile.There was no point in making an issue of it. Like the others, he had paid throughtomorrow. A broken nose was fitting punishment. In any case, how would she enforce it

– chase him off at gunpoint? Obviously a pitchfork wasn’t sufficient.

After lunch the twins wanted to take a bath. It was best to wait until Felipa returned,but they didn’t think so. In no time they were crying for Alex again. That was when Alex

finally returned her call. Her cell phone rang at the exact time she was certain that her head would burst. Both twins were crying and destiny was pouting.

“Alex?” Carmen answered.

“Yes. I got your message.” His voice sounded tired. “What’s the problem?”

The problem was that she hadn’t been able to reach him, but she didn’t want tostart out nagging at him.

“I wondered how you were doing, and when you were coming home.”

After a long silence, she sighed.

“Look, I understand why you want to hurt me right now, but how can you do this toyour own children?”

“They’ll get over it, Carmen. It’s not the first time I’ve been away. Don’t be sodramatic. They’re being influenced by your reactions.”



What did he know about how she was reacting – or what was happening, for thatmatter? He hadn’t even bothered to check on them.

“Me?” she gasped. “What about you?”

No doubt it wasn’t what he wanted to hear and there was another uncomfortablesilence. Something snapped inside of her and he was no longer Alex – and she wascertainly no longer herself. Losing him was no longer a possibility. It was a reality. Allthe piled up stress and remorse bubbled up and she was suddenly and thoroughlyconsumed with seething rage.

“Alright, I accept responsibility for killing your horse, but it was an accident. Get over it! I didn’t ask to be attacked by Rob yesterday.” The volume and intensity of her voicerose with every word. “I did nothing to encourage him and you did absolutely nothing toprevent it. You promised to protect me, but instead you ran off and left me to take careof myself.” Her voice reached a high plateau for the grand finale. “I thought you were

responsible enough to wear the pants, but you’re not even responsible enough to stayhome and take care of your family!”

If he had a response, it was lost when she threw the phone. It bounced off the walland hit the floor, parts flying off as it slid across the hardwood floor. In total loss of her temper, she marched over and stomped on the phone, grinding it under her boot heel.

“Mommy?” a small voice whimpered.

Natalie stood at the end of the hall, half hidden behind the wall, her eyes large andimploring.

Temper abandoned her then, leaving nothing but weakness and shame.

Natalie cringed when Carmen ran to her. Carmen gathered her gently into her armsand held her close.

“I’m sorry sweetie. I lost my temper. Will you forgive me?”

Natalie gazed up at her wide-eyed. “Mommy bad?”

Carmen hugged her. “Yes, mommy was very bad.”

“It okay mommy.” Natalie patted her on the shoulder.

Children were so forgiving and compassionate. The tears came suddenly andunbidden. Carmen shook with the intensity of the sobs. Nothing was ever going to beokay again. Alex was gone from their lives, leaving a void no one could fill. From now onshe wouldn’t live. She would simply exist.

“Momma?” Another timid voice came from the hallway. “Is Daddy ever going tocome home?”



Carmen shifted Natalie to one hip and gulped a sob as she tried to divert the flow of tears so that she could see. It was Destiny this time, and Jonathan stood beside her,holding Matthew.

In a way Alex was right. Although he started this by leaving, the children would

follow her lead in reacting to the situation. Right now they were frightened and lost –which was pretty much the way she felt. What they needed was a smiling and carefreeface. That was a little more than she could do at the moment, but she could besupportive.

“Mommy isn’t feeling well right now,” she explained. It wasn’t untrue. There hadbeen few times in her life when she felt as bad as she did now. “How would you like togo out for ice cream with Felipa when she gets back?”

“When is Daddy coming home?” Destiny persisted.

“Daddy,” Natalie echoed, and started to cry.

The shoulder protested when she put an arm around Destiny, but right now Destinywas more important.

“I don’t know sweetie. He said a couple of weeks.”

Felipa returned a few minutes later and Carmen told her about the call.

“Did you tell him about Rob?” Felipa asked.

Carmen shook her head. “No – well, kind of. I did mention that Rob had attacked

me, but I didn’t say what he did. I didn’t have time.” She sighed. “Yes I did, but I didn’ttake time.” She pointed to the destroyed telephone. “I’m afraid I lost my temper withhim.”

Felipa looked back and forth at the telephone and Carmen, obviously at a loss for words.

“That’s how I hung up on him,” Carmen explained.

Felipa’s brows shot up. “He will be home soon.”

“Not likely,” Carmen said. “That’s a long way to drive just to tell me off. Besides, we

have a land line if he really wants to talk to me – and he obviously doesn’t.”

They dropped the subject and Carmen suggested Felipa take the children out for ice cream. They were all for that and within minutes Carmen was alone with her thoughts. She left the phone on the floor as a reminder to control her temper. Thechildren needed structure and direction in their lives. That display gave them neither.



As she put the clean dishes from the dishwasher into the cabinet, she consideredthe situation. Alex might come back after the way she chastised him, and then again, hemight not. It hurt to think he no longer cared about what happened to her.

She put the last of the dishes in the dishwasher and ran water in the sink to wash

the iron skillet and wooden handled spatula. She was rinsing the pan when a vehicleentered the garage. Her stomach lurched. Alex? Who else could it be? If it was, hehadn’t been in Texas when she called him.

She was wiping the skillet with a paper towel when he entered the living room. Hisattention was instantly drawn to the shattered cellular phone. He picked the pieces upand laid them on the counter in front of her.

She met his accusing gaze with a cold stare and continued wiping the skillet.

“I’ve been trying to call you,” He said. “I can see why you didn’t answer.”

It didn’t require a response so she gave her attention to the skillet and said nothing.

He continued. “What’s this about Rob attacking you?”

She glanced up. “Don’t you think it’s a little late to come to my rescue now – or isthere some other reason you’re asking?”

He flinched at her words and his tone became harsh.

“Apparently you thought I should do something now or you wouldn’t have thrown itin my face.”

She placed the skillet on the stove and turned the burner on to dry it thoroughly.

“It wasn’t my intent to throw it in your face.” She lifted her gaze to his.” He molestedme yesterday.”

His eyes flashed and his jaw worked. “What did he do?”

She hesitated. He might go running over there or he might do nothing. She wasn’tsure which idea bothered her worst.

“He caught me in the barn alone and told me that …” She hesitated again. His

exact words weren’t important – especially because they weren’t true. The fact that hestood before her now was proof. “He said improper things to me. When I tried to get outof the barn he pushed me to the floor and …. felt my stomach and breast … under myT-shirt.”

For a moment he stared at her, his expression difficult to read, but obviously he wasupset.

“I didn’t encourage him.” She added, searching his face.



“Did you call the police?”

She shook her head. “No, I broke his nose.”

His brows shot up and a smile lurked in his eyes and on his lips.

“Carmen, when a man touches and talks to you in an inappropriate matter, you sethim straight. When he holds you down to do it, that indicates a potential for rape.”

She nodded. “I was afraid that he would.”

She shut the stove off and moved the frying pan.

“I warned Felipa and Sam. I threatened him with a pitch fork and told him to get outand not come back.”

His gaze was intense. “Did he?”

She shook her head. “No, but he’s supposed to leave in the morning anyway.”

“Does Gerald know what happened?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Aaron told me he was taking him to the doctor because he had a broken nose.”

His gaze scoured her face. “Are you alright?”

“My shoulder hurts from hitting him.”

He nodded and his gaze dropped to the broken phone.

Warmth ran up her neck. “I lost my temper.”

He glanced up. “Evidently,” he said evenly.

“I thought you were in Texas.”

His gaze came back to her face. “I was. I just got back this morning.”

“I’ve been trying to call you.” She said in an accusing tone.

“My phone has been off.”

“Because you didn’t want to talk to me.”

When he didn’t respond, she added. “So the only reason you’re here now is toreprimand me.”

He looked startled.



“I left because I wanted you to learn to take care of things yourself. Obviously thatdidn’t work.”

She stared at him. As his words soaked in, blood pumped in her temples. Shewasn’t about to lose her temper again. Still, he deserved a scalding.

“How dare you?” she said in a constrained voice. “I have been taking care of thechildren and this house for years – not to mention the time I’ve spent taking care of you!. You left me with a sling on one arm and four children to take care of. You left meand our children in order to teach ME a lesson?”

His face went pale and then turned crimson from the neck up. He licked his lips andran a hand through his hair. He started to speak once and then swallowed.

She met his guilty gaze. “You never thought about it that way, did you? You wereso busy directing my life that it never occurred to you that you were being disrespectful

of me. You were in full control and my feelings didn’t matter. While you weremasterminding this manipulative plot, did you lose sight of your promise to protect me -or was that something else you planned on ditching?”

She turned and marched away from him. This wasn’t the man she married. Howcould he act that way and claim to love her?

When Felipa returned with the children, he was in his chair, reading the paper andCarmen was in the kitchen fixing supper. It looked innocent enough, and the childrenwere instantly smothering him with love and kisses. Jonathan quietly went to his room.That part hurt as much as anything else. Right now Jonathan needed their undividedsupport.

Felipa left her charge to Alex and joined Carmen in the Kitchen. She glanced atCarmen and then began setting the table without comment.

It was an inhospitable way to treat a guest – especially one who had volunteered somuch help. They had both taken her for granted. Alex wouldn’t have treated Katie thatway. She wouldn’t have let him get away with it. It was something to think about. Katieleft him in Texas and went on to make a life of her own. Felipa had been raised with adominant male, though. Continuing to let Alex treat her and others this way could causetheir children to be intimidated by others the way Felipa was. Maybe Katie was right.

That night Carmen went to bed first. After a while Alex came in and lay down on thebed. When he reached for her, she turned away from him. In spite of everything thathad happened, she longed to be in his arms – to leave this fighting behind. Theycouldn’t love this thing away, though. They had to work it out, and if she made love tohim tonight, she’d cave in for sure.

Chapter Eighteen



The next morning when the men were getting ready to leave, they dropped the key byand thanked Carmen and Felipa for their help. Rob was silent, a large white patchacross his nose. He didn’t look at Carmen.

Alex said nothing, his brooding gaze mostly on Rob, studying him, maybe sizinghim up. Rob finally gave him a scorching look.

“What do you want?”

Alex eyed him distastefully, every muscle in his body tense, as if ready to pounceon Rob. Yet when he spoke, his tone was conversational.

“I’d like to black both your eyes.”

Carmen and Felipa both caught their breath. Gerald and Aaron looked suddenlyalert.

Rob’s eyes flashed fire, but his tone was cold. “Just bring it on - any time.”

Gerald eyed the two of them and then spoke to Alex.

“Take it easy, buddy. We’re leaving.” His stern gaze turned to Rob. “You mightdiscover you bit off more than you could chew.”

Whether he meant Alex was a formidable opponent or he would side with Alexwasn’t evident. Size alone would give Rob second thoughts about tangling with Gerald.Carmen had reason to know Alex could and would defend himself admirably.

Rob eyed Alex skeptically and shrugged, turning an accusing gaze on Carmen.

“Yes,” Alex said. “She told me. You’re lucky she didn’t file charges.”

Rob’s attention shot back to him. “For what, telling her the truth about you?”

Alex glanced at Carmen and then focused on Rob, his voice calm as the air beforea tornado.

“You molested and terrorized my wife.”

Gerald and Aaron both turned a startled look on Rob.

Rob turned red. “I didn’t hurt her.”

“You humiliated her,” Alex said, his voice still cool.

“So did you,” Rob shot back.

Alex nodded. “Possibly – probably. But I didn’t do anything illegal. You did.”

Rob stared at him a moment. “Battery is illegal too.”



Alex looked amused. “Are you trying to say my wife beat you up?”

When Rob’s gaze came back to Carmen, it had lost the arrogance. For a momenthe actually looked remorseful. His attention dropped to the floor.

Aaron finally spoke, as his focus shifted from Rob to Carmen.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I thought you were saying it was good that I was taking himto the hospital. I thought you acted a little strange, but …”

“It’s alright,” Carmen said. “It isn’t your job to control him.”

Rob’s head jerked up and his eyes narrowed. “I didn’t hurt you.” He repeated. “Iwasn’t going to hurt you.”

Aaron headed for the door. “Come on Rob.”

The two of them walked out the door, but Gerald stood still, watching after them.

Alex eyed Gerald. “What are you looking so glum about? It wasn’t your wife.”

Gerald glanced at Alex. “No.” He stuck a hand out to Carmen and then Felipa.“Thanks again for everything.” He turned back to Alex. “I don’t know what to say. I wasright here and I didn’t know a thing was going on.”

Alex eyed him doubtfully. “She didn’t act upset?”

Gerald didn’t respond for a moment, but when he did, his tone and expressionwould have melted steel.

“Well Alex, she was upset all the time you were gone. What did you expect?”

Alex looked away, his neck growing red. He looked at the floor and shifted his feet.Finally his attention returned to Gerald.

“I’m glad you got to come.” He stuck out his hand. “You’re welcome any time.”

Gerald shook his hand and turned to the door, speaking over his shoulder.

“If I come back, you can be sure I won’t bring Rob.”

Carmen watched him walk out the door. What a mess this had been. He probablywouldn’t ever return. Still, she had the feeling it wasn’t over yet for Rob. She’d hate tobe in his shoes. Finally she turned and went to the kitchen. There were tomatoes toprocess.

Felipa followed her and when Alex left the house, she turned to Carmen with a grin.I think Gerald put Alex in his place.”



Actually, Gerald’s intent was probably to ward off an attack, rather than chastise Alex. Obviously Alex expected him to take care of Carmen in his absence. Whether thatwas a result of friendship or direct request would probably never pass their lips.Whatever the case, Gerald had certainly held his own against Alex. No doubt that wasone reason Alex respected him. It was no surprise that Felipa enjoyed the exchange.Senor Medena not only favored Alex, but allowed him to order Alondra and Felipaaround. They might accept and even expect such behavior, but it had to be humiliating.It must have been comforting to watch Gerald remind Alex who he was talking to. Itreminded Carmen of what Katie said about her response to Alex making an impressionon the children. So far they had seen her blow up at him and obediently follow hiscommands. What they hadn’t observed was how she could quietly and respectfullymaintain her importance in the spousal role. She’d have to remedy that. She smiled atFelipa.

“He certainly retained his dignity.”

Later, when Felipa was outside with the children and Carmen was cooking lunch, Alex wandered into the kitchen. He poured a cup of coffee and leaned against thecounter sipping it. Obviously he had something on his mind.

“What did Rob tell you about me?” he finally asked.

Carmen looked at him and then shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me,” he insisted.

Therefore, it mattered. She put a lid on the pan of potatoes and turned to him.

“He said I deserved better than you and I’d be better off without you.” Sheshrugged. “But then, he also said I thought I was too good for him.” She met his steadygaze. “Apparently Rob didn’t think I’d been encouraging him.”

He flinched as if he’d been hit, and she continued.

“As a matter of fact, he had the idea that I didn’t much like him. Not that it matters,though. None of that stopped him.” She hesitated. She had made her point. There wasno point rubbing his nose in it.

His gaze wandered over her face and came back to her eyes. “What else?”

The rest she didn’t want to repeat, but he knew there was more. His imaginationwould be worse than what Rob actually said. It was ludicrous anyway. She shruggedagain.

“He said he’d show me what love-making should be like.”

His gaze dropped reflectively to the coffee cup and he swirled the coffee around init absently. Finally he looked up, searching her face.



“Was all that the truth?”

She turned back to the stove. “Well, I didn’t much like him. That part was true.”

He was silent a moment. “And the sex?”

Wasn’t it like a man? He had been challenged in nearly every way, but the idea thathe might not be the best lover troubled him the most. There was no point talking aboutwhat was right in their marriage right now. She spoke as she turned the potatoes.

“The first few days after you left, I cried all the time. I couldn’t believe you actuallyleft me – us. I didn’t go to church because I was ashamed and didn’t want anyone toknow I ran you off. Then I pulled myself together. I had to – for the children. I tried to getover you and I succeeded to the point of being numb. I refused to think about you at all.”

She replaced the lid and looked at him. He was watching her, his expression clearlyshocked. When he finally spoke, is voice was strained.

“I didn’t leave you Carmen. I told you I was only going to be gone two weeks.”

She met his bittersweet chocolate gaze. If only she believed that.

“You said you needed to get away from me – that you couldn’t live like this. Yousaid you were taking an extended vacation from work. You ran off and left me becauseyou were sick of having me argue with you. What was I supposed to think, Alex? Whatam I supposed to think now?”

He dumped the remains of the coffee in the sink and set the cup on the counter.

Then he reached for her.

“I’m sorry Carmen. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have left.”

She took a step back, avoiding his hands. Their conversation was going someplaceright now and she didn’t want to be sidetracked. Once she was in his arms, she wouldforgive him. If she was ever going to stand up for herself, it had to start right now. Shegathered all the courage she could find and looked him in the eye.

“Sorry isn’t a magic wand, Alex. After all that’s happened, do you think a simple ‘I’msorry, I was wrong’ heals the wounds?”

He stopped, looking confused as he lowered his hands. “I suppose not, but I don’tknow what else I can say.”

Leave or stay. Somehow it always seemed to be his choice. He could have said hewas angry and said things he didn’t mean. He could have said he loved her, or she wasthe only one for him. The fact that he didn’t think of those things was indication enoughthat he took her forgiveness for granted. Was his love genuine?



A tear escaped her eye and his troubled gaze followed it down her cheek. Once hewould have wiped it away and consoled her. Maybe she should forgive him and leavethe fighting behind.

She sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe there isn’t anything you can say or do at this

point.”

His gaze jerked back to her eyes. He looked disappointed.

“Well,” he said. “I guess he was right, then.”

He turned toward the door, dismissing her. Obviously he didn’t consider their relationship worth the effort. Rob wasn’t right. She would never find a better man than

Alex. Her heart cried out to him as he walked away. What good was there in calling himback to something he would simply walk away from again? Better to let him go now.

When she finally spoke, her voice was strained.

“Lunch will be ready in a few minutes.”

Felipa returned with the children as she was putting lunch on the table. Once againmealtime was silent. Felipa kept watching Alex, as if she expected him to make anannouncement. Fortunately, he didn’t. In fact, it was Felipa who made theannouncement – that she was taking an early flight back home. She would be missed,both for her help and her personality, but it was time for the household to get back tosome semblance of normal. What had started off with an adventure had turned into anightmare.

The next morning after Alex left for work, Carmen took Felipa to the airport. Thechildren all hugged her and begged her to come back soon. Felipa turned to Carmen,hugging her.

“I am glad he came back to you. I knew he would.”

It was tempting to tell her that he wasn’t really back – to talk to her about the fear that lay in her heart. In the end she let Felipa leave thinking all was well.

Katie called before Carmen left the airport and said she wanted to take the childrento Silver Dollar City with her. Maybe it was a good idea. She agreed and dropped them

off at Katie’s on the way home. She told Katie that Alex was back, but said nothingabout their current situation. They didn’t need anything to worry about.

On the way home she decided to stop at the clinic and see if Alex wanted to go outto lunch. He’d be getting off at noon anyway. Maybe it would help if they spent a littletime alone. Alex was talking to a man in his office. He glanced up and for a momentthey gazed at each other. Then his attention was back on the man. The office was busy.Saundra beeped him and said his flight to Texas was booked for 3 pm. Carmen walked



out of the office without talking to anyone. So he was going back to Texas. Well, shecouldn’t blame him. She hadn’t exactly welcomed him home. Still, he could have toldher what he planned to do.

She hadn’t been home more than fifteen minutes when he drove into the garage.He came in and glanced around.

“Where are the kids?”

“They’re with Katie and Bill. They’re going to take them to Branson for a few days.”

He nodded, motioning for her to follow him. “Come here, I need to talk to you.”

Carmen’s stomach twisted into a knot as she followed him upstairs to his office.This was it. He was going to ask for a divorce.

He shuffled through the desk drawer, obviously looking for something. Finally hepulled out an envelope and shut the drawer. He leaned on his desk, gazing absently outthe window. Finally he cleared his throat. His troubled gaze rested on her face.

“When I came back from Texas in May, I had something on my mind. I wanted totalk to you about it, but I couldn’t. Then this thing with Ed ...” His voice faltered and helooked away. “I’ve been making all this about you, but it isn’t. It isn’t your fault.

She tried to moisten her lips with a dry tongue. It wasn’t his fault either. It hurt towatch him struggle this way. There was no point in dragging this out. She’d rather get itout in the open and face it.

She caught him as he started to sit in his chair.

“Alex,” she said in a voice that was surprisingly calm. “If you want a divorce, I won’tfight you. I knew from the start this wouldn’t work. We’re too different.”

He froze halfway down to the chair and stared at her, his startled gaze roving over her face.

Finally he sank into his chair, a long sigh escaping his lips.

“I can’t blame you. I’ve been too hard on you.”

She caught her breath. He couldn’t blame her? Of course, he wouldn’t want to look

bad in the eyes of his family by dumping her.

“Don’t turn this on me,” she said forcefully. “This is one time I’m not going to frontfor you.”

He stared at her, his mouth hanging open for a moment. He regained hiscomposure and lowered brows over flashing eyes.



“I never asked you to front for me – and I wasn’t the one who brought up divorce,”he shot back.

If it had to be, it didn’t have to be ugly. She shook her head and stood.

“I used the D word first. So sue me,” she said caustically. “It’s not like I haveanything you could take. I won’t sue you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I have myhouse and thanks to you it’s in good condition. I know you’ll be responsible toward thechildren. Let’s not quarrel about this too.

He blinked and his neck turned red. He shifted in his chair, obviously giving hisresponse full consideration. Finally he cleared his throat again.

“This probably isn’t the best time to discuss our issues.”

She stood. Then why did he start it, and was there ever a good time for Alex todiscuss things? Tears stung her eyes. Looking away so he wouldn’t see her tears, shestood and headed for the door.

“I left something in the dryer.”

She escaped before he could respond. It was true. She did leave something in thedryer and it should be removed before the wrinkles set in it. What she needed most wasa chance to cry. The tears started in earnest as she reached the laundry room. Shepulled Destiny’s dress out and hung it while tears coursed down her cheeks. Grabbing arag, she exited the laundry into the courtyard. There she sank to a bench and releasedher emotions. Covering her face with shaking hands, she sobbed her heart out. Shewas thus occupied when Alex joined her. He sat down beside her and put a comforting

arm around her shoulders.

“Carmen,” he said softly, his voice unsteady. “I’m sorry. It’s just that ... I havesomething pressing ...”

What could be more important than their marriage? She swallowed a sob, wipingher face with the rag.

“What?” she finally managed to say.

“I was trying to tell you that when I was in Texas, Morino told Father and me that hehas cancer.”

Carmen dropped the rag and stared at him.

“Cancer? How bad?”

He started to speak and then cleared his throat.

“Terminal,” he finally said.



Carmen continued to stare at him. So this was what he had been struggling with.Morino was his lifetime friend.

He cleared his throat again. “He didn’t want us to tell anyone. He wanted to spendthe last ... all the quality time he could with Alfonso. He didn’t want him to know about

it.”

“How awful,” Carmen finally managed. “How long does he have?”

Again he started to speak and then stopped. He finally shook his head, his voicebreaking as he answered.”

“He died this morning.”

He covered his mouth with a shaking hand, blinking back tears. Nothing she hadgone through in the last month had been more painful than watching him struggle toregain composure now. Alex was hurting, and even though she wasn’t the cause, therewas nothing she could do to help.

Of course he had been acting strange lately. His friend was dying and instead of getting the support he needed from his family, he had been sworn to silence. It wasunderstandable on Morino’s part, but it must have been miserable for everyone elseconcerned.

Carmen put an arm around him. “I’m so sorry.”

For a moment he clung to her. Finally he continued in a constricted voice.

“At first I thought Alfonso would have an opportunity to prepare for this – I mean, itwouldn’t be like waking him up to tell him his parents had died in a plane crash.”

He paused again, clearing his throat and wiping tears from his cheeks.

He had never discussed the death of his parents before. Katie had told her beforeshe met him. Obviously he still wasn’t over that shock. Carmen removed her arm andtook his hand. It was cool and clammy. Poor Alex.

He squeezed her hand and continued.

“They gave him six months, but ...” He shook his head. “Alfonso found him ...” He

looked away and swallowed hard. “I can’t even imagine how bad he felt. He had noidea.”

His voice broke with the last word. He shook his head again and wiped moisturefrom his eyes with the thumb and forefinger of his other hand. Letting out a long shakingsigh, he continued.

Morino wanted us to take Alfonso but my father wanted to raise him.”



His tortured gaze came back to her, imploring her to help. “I don’t know what to do.”

Carmen felt sick to her stomach. She knew Alex was strong, but up to this momentshe didn’t know how strong. No wonder he wanted out of the marriage. He must beoverwhelmed by responsibility at this point and she had done nothing to help. To her

credit, she wasn’t clairvoyant, but she should have had more faith in him.

He spoke again, riveting her attention on his face.

“I have tickets – two of them if you want to go. The flight is this afternoon.”

“Of course I want to go,” she said instantly. “I’ll go pack some clothes for us.”

It was the least she could do at this point. They stood and he followed her into thehouse. Their personal problems seemed small at this point. Hopefully no one else knewabout them yet.

She called Katie and advised her of the situation. Katie said she would watch thechildren and not to worry. She sent Alex her condolences.

Chapter Nineteen

The flight to Texas was emotional. She held his hand most of the way and he said verylittle. It was a somber Felipa who met them at the airport with the driver. She must havebarely got home before she had to turn around and come back to the airport.

“How is Alondra holding up?” Alex asked Felipa as soon as they were seated.

“I suppose as well as could be expected,” Felipa replied.

Carmen looked at Alex and Felipa in turn. Why would Alex ask about Alondraspecifically? What about Felipa?

Felipa addressed Carmen. “You did not know? Alondra and Morino loved oneanother very much. They wanted to get married but Father was against it. He told her he did not raise her to marry small.”

How cruel – and typical of him. Carmen rolled her eyes. “That man wants to be incontrol of everything, doesn’t he?”

Alex was watching her with an intensity that indicated deep emotion. Maybe he

thought her remark was inappropriate. It probably was, under the circumstances.“I’m sorry,” She said. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It is true,” Felipa interjected. “It is because of his disapproval that Alondra is in thissituation now. She is afraid to tell father. She looks for a place to go.”



Carmen and Alex looked at each other.

Alex turned his attention to Felipa. “What situation? She’s not leaving because heexpressed disapproval, is she?”

Felipa slowly shook her head, obviously contemplating whether it was wise toconfide in them. Finally she leaned forward and whispered.

“Alondra carries his child.” She put a finger to her lips. “We must not speak of this tofather.”

Alex sat up straight, his brows lowered and eyes flashing.

“Why not? He’s going to find out eventually.”

“Shhh!” Felipa said with a finger to her lips again. She leaned forward andwhispered. “She wants to keep the baby. Father would not let this happen.”

“Oh for …He has a lot of room to talk.” Alex growled. “He could kick her out, but itsounds like she’s planning to leave anyway. I’ll talk to her.”

Felipa looked doubtful, but she didn’t contest him. He was probably the best friendthe girls had. If anyone had a chance of getting Senor Medena to listen, it was Alex. Inany case, this was something Alex could do. There was nothing he could do aboutMorino.

At the hacienda a teary Alondra met them at the door. Her eyes were swollen andred. When she welcomed them with a hug, she burst into tears.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Carmen said.

Senor Medena watched Alondra with troubled eyes. Like Alex, he tried to mask hisemotions, but he wasn’t near as good at it. Underneath that distant façade was abeating heart. It disturbed him deeply that one of his children was so distressed. Maybethere was a chance the situation could be resolved.

Carmen and Alex were given a room upstairs. It was nice to be near Alex with theair cleared of secrets. It would be nice to be at his side when he talked to Alondra, but atthis point he probably felt she wasn’t part of the family. Fair enough. What did a countryhick know about proprieties anyway? Alondra would probably be more comfortable with

someone sophisticated like Alex.

Carmen showered and donned a simple sheath dress and didn’t ask Alex what theyshould wear. It didn’t matter at this point anyway. Pulling the hair off her neck into aFrench roll, she used a few bejeweled clips and let it go at that. Makeup had alwaysbeen more of a bother to her than anything else, so she didn’t wear any.



Alex looked up from his paper when she came out of the bathroom. His scrutinycame back to her face and he smiled.

“You look very nice.”

He stood and reached for her arm. “Shall we go down to dinner?”

He opened the door for her and they walked down the hall side by side, as if nothing had come between them. Of course, there was no reason to act hostile towardeach other. No doubt he would rather his family didn’t know about the rift in their relationship at this point. They had enough to worry about between Morino and Alondra.

At the table, when he pushed her chair in, Alex leaned over her and spoke softly.

“You smell heavenly.”

It had to be the shampoo or soap, because she wasn’t wearing perfume. Maybe it

wasn’t anything at all. He’d never tried to impress his family before, but that might be hispurpose at this point. Whatever his reason, the attention was welcome.

She smiled at him over her shoulder. “Thank you.”

After dinner, Alex told Alondra he wanted to talk to her privately. Felipa shot anervous look at Senor Medena and then Carmen. As Alondra and Alex passed her, Alexdropped a hand to Carmen’s shoulder.

“Would you like to come with us?”

Carmen glanced up at him to see if he was actually talking to her. His expressionwas barely short of pleading. She touched his hand and nodded.

Alex took them to the library and shut the door. Mahogany shelves full of dust freebooks surrounded them with the wisdom of many years. This was a place she’d like tospend a little time alone.

They sat down at a highly polished wooden table and Alex pushed their chairs in.When he was seated, he turned to an apprehensive Alondra and put a hand over hers.

“I want you to know that we’re here for you, no matter what.”

Alondra started to cry and he slid closer to her, putting an arm around her andtalking to her softly.

“He isn’t suffering now. It’s over. You don’t have to be strong for him or anyoneelse.”

This must have been quite an ordeal for her. Did Morino know they had a baby onthe way?



“Father will be ashamed of me when he finds out,” Alondra sobbed.

Carmen scooted her chair over so she could console Alondra as well. She pattedher on the back.

“Your father loves you.”

Alondra shook her head. “He loves only Alex.”

Alex flinched, apparently shamed speechless.

“I don’t think that’s true, Alondra.” Carmen said. “I think it hurts him to see you sounhappy.”

Alex found his voice. “Why do you think he will be ashamed of you?”

Alondra lifted her head and looked at him, tears streaming down her face.

“I have shamed him. I carry Morino’s child. Father did not wish for us to marry, andnow he will hate me for what I did.”

Alex looked into her eyes. “I don’t think so. Will you let me talk to him?”

She shook her head vigorously. “He must not know.”

Alex looked bewildered. “How do you hope to achieve that?”

“I will go away – far away, and he will never know. He will not have the shame.”

Alex leaned back and watched her until she looked up at him. His voice was quietand even.

“Do you think he was shamed by me?”

She shook her head. “No, not you. It is different with you.”

“Why?”

“You did nothing. It was your mother.”

Alex nodded, his expression solemn, his dark gaze locked on hers.

“Do you think he was ashamed of my mother?” He shook his head. “No he wasn’t.”

“But it is different with you. I am his daughter. He has raised me to obey … to begood.”

Alex took her hand in his. “You are good, Alondra.”

She shook her head. “I disobeyed him.”



Alex was quiet a moment, his expression absent as he watched Alondra. Finally hisgaze shifted to Carmen. For a moment they looked into each other’s eyes. He wasprobably thinking of Ed and how she had disobeyed him. Finally his gaze came back to

Alondra. He lifted her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes.

“Do you trust me?”

She nodded.

“Let me bring father in to talk to us. What do you have to lose?”

Her lip trembled and a tear ran down her face. “It is not what I have to lose. It iswhat he has to lose – his honor.”

He nodded. “Maybe. Do you think honor is more important to him than an heir?”

Alex was living proof that an heir was more important to Senor Medena than honor.

Alondra stopped crying and stared at him, obviously considering that for the firsttime. She shook her head again.

“But it is a girl.”

Even Alex had to know that was a major obstacle. And yet, he smiled.

“So is Destiny, and she isn’t even a blood relation. He loves her very much.”

Alondra gazed at him, hope seeping into her eyes.

“Let me bring him in here to talk.” Alex said. “I know you have the courage to talk tohim.”

Alondra drew a long deep breath. “But his honor.”

Alex patted her hand. “I know you love him. Then give him a choice. Don’t take hisgrandchild away without giving him a chance.”

Alondra wiped her eyes and looked into his. Finally she silently nodded. Alex gaveher hand another pat as he stood.

“I’ll be back in a minute.” He glanced at Carmen. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t

want to.”

Alondra shot a startled look at Carmen, but she said nothing.

Carmen smiled. “You said we were here for her. Do you have a frog in your pocket?”

His eyes reflected humor that didn’t reach his mouth. “Thanks.”



Alex left the room and returned a few minutes later with his father. Senor Medena’sdubious gaze touched on Carmen, Alondra and Alex – and then went back to Alondra.

“Have a seat,” Alex said, indicating a chair beside him. “We have a problem and Ithought you would like to help solve it.”

Senor Medena pulled out the chair and sat down, giving Alex a wary look.

Carmen suppressed a smile. Any time Alex put someone else in charge, it wasbound to arouse suspicion. It would be interesting to see how he planned to managesomeone equally cagy.

Carmen sought and found Alondra’s hand under the table and gave it a gentlesqueeze. Alondra glanced at her and then returned her attention to Alex. Her griptightened on Carmen’s hand.

“What is this problem you speak of?” Senor asked, his forehead furrowed withapprehension.

Alex glanced at Alondra and lifted his brows.

Alondra looked startled and gave Alex a pleading look. When he continued to watchher expectantly, she turned to Carmen. Carmen gave her hand another squeeze.

“Go ahead,” she said confidently.

If Alondra was going to stay, sooner or later she would have to talk to her father about it. She might as well do so when she had support. Apparently Alondra came to

the same conclusion. She took a deep breath and let it out before addressing her father in a determined voice.

“I have carried Morino’s child for two months.”

Her fingers gripped Carmen’s hand. So that was how a lady announced she waspregnant under such indelicate circumstances.

For a moment Senor Medena stared at his daughter while her words soaked in. Hisdark gaze scoured her face as Alex would have. Finally gray brows lowered over eyesthat flashed. His voice was cold.

“How many times do I tell you this man is not for you?”

Alondra shrank back and her eyes implored Alex for support.

He had told her he was with her all the way, and he didn’t let her down. He put hiselbows on the table and folded his hands, leaning slightly toward Senor Medena. Hisvoice was gentle, coaxing.

“Dad, it isn’t for you to say. She’s a grown woman. Her heart belonged to him.”



Senor turned a startled gaze on Alex. The tone combined with the much covetedendearment of ‘Dad’ caught him totally off guard. No doubt, it defanged him to somedegree as well.

Alex didn’t give him time to recover.

“You said this house wasn’t the same without children. Would you throw thatchance away? Would you trade it for pride?”

The gray brows shot up. “I would not trade a child for pride. Did I trade you? No, Iwished to have you here. I wish to give everything to you.”

Carmen glanced from Senor Medena to Alex. They were back to the originalargument. Hopefully it wouldn’t get ugly.

Alex stiffened. “Because you want an heir – isn’t that pride.”

Senor shook his head, his expression sad. “It is not pride. You are all I have left of her.”

Alex looked befuddled. Evidently it wasn’t at all the response he expected and hisplanned route was foiled. Carmen might be the only one in the room who was notsurprised by his answer. She smiled at Senor Medena.

“Then you’re saying that you would welcome your grandchild simply because it ispart of the daughter you love?”

He looked comically trapped. It wasn’t fair. They hadn’t given him the opportunity to

adjust to the idea before they were bombarding him with life altering decisions. Senor Medena was a proud man, but unless she missed her guess, he loved his children.

Alex recovered quickly and looked at Carmen, a glint of humor and approval in hiseyes.

Senor turned his attention to Alex. “It is a sad thing to lose a friend of so manyyears.” He shifted his attention to Alondra. “You have lost a love. Perhaps I was wrongto make such decisions for you only because you live in my house. I wanted much morefor you.” He shook his head and looked down. “And now this.”

Alondra finally found her voice. Her hand gripped Carmen’s as she faced him.

“I did not mean to bring shame on you papa. I will go away so no one will know.”

Senor Medena jerked his head up and stared at her as if he couldn’t believe whatshe was saying.

“You did not bring shame upon me. It is you who will bear this shame. You will notdo so far away where I will never see my grandchild.”



Alondra looked down at the table and her hand released Carmen’s.

“Yes papa,” she said in a meek voice.

Senor Medena frowned. “Perhaps I am the cause of this. Love makes us do things

…” He glanced at Alex and shrugged.

Finally he pointed a finger at Carmen.

“This is a sad time to see you. Next time my son visits, I would like to see you also.”

Things were going well until he said that. Carmen looked at Alex, who suddenlyfound the wood grain on the table interesting. Papa was fixing to be disappointed in hislittle prince.

Senor Medena stood. “There is one more thing. Alfonso has told me he wants tostay with me. It will be so.”

Alex looked up at him and Senor gave him a stern look.

“You would do best to take care of your own problem now.”

He turned and left the room without saying another word. As far as he wasconcerned, the matter was settled. Like Alex, he was most comfortable when he was incomplete control.

Alex stood and helped Alondra to her feet. She hugged him and then Carmen.

“Thank you.”

She left the room, sniffing, but with determination in her stride. She still had a lot tosettle with her father, and hopefully she wouldn’t feel the need to hide in shame. Shewould have family to support her through this.

Alex watched her walk out and then turned to Carmen. His brows lifted.

“Touché” he said.

Carmen smiled. “It was a kind and courageous thing to do. If you hadn’t donesomething, she would have walked out of his life and they would both have been veryunhappy.”

He let out a long breath of relief. “It is so,” he said, mocking his father’s accent.

They walked around the table and Alex guided her through the door with a hand onher waist. Had he said something to his father about their issue, or had Senor Medenamerely picked up on the tension between them? It seemed unlikely that Alex would tellhis father his intent. More likely he would do as he wished and then tell his father howthings stood.



She glanced up to find Alex watching her. He gave her waist a squeeze.

“Thanks for your help. I stumbled into a quagmire of my own making.”

He paused, looking down at her, his hand still on her waist. Was that regret she

saw in his eyes? His features were dark and his lips smooth. The feel of his warm handon her waist increased her pulse. Oh, how she would love to be taken in his arms. Butthat would simply complicate things for him. She tore her gaze from his and movedaway from him.

“I think I’ll go to our room now. My shoulder is hurting and I’d like to put the sling onfor a while.”

Without waiting for a response, she turned and headed to their room. The funeralwasn’t until Tuesday, so it would be Wednesday before they flew back home. It wasgoing to be another tense stay at the hacienda. When they returned home, Alex would

start making arrangements for the divorce. It wasn’t something she wanted to thinkabout, but she’d best get used to it.

Chapter Twenty

If Senor Medina had determined on his own that there was something amiss betweenhis son and his wife, it would have to have been because Alex was treating her so well.

Alex was the perfect gentleman, whether with his family or away from them. He treatedher with total respect. In fact, the casual observer might think he was actually courtingher. He took her to church on Sunday, complimented her attire and fussed over her as if her injured shoulder was a disabling factor. If he hadn’t done it with such apparent

sincerity, it would have been downright embarrassing.

If the days were filled with flattery, the nights were filled with emptiness. Alex kept tohis side of the bed. When they went to bed at night, they slept. It was amazing howamiable two people could be when their time together was going to be short.

Gerald visited the family Monday evening to express condolences. He was leavingthe country the next morning for a sales trip, so he didn’t stay long and wasn’t going tobe there for the funeral.

He hugged Alondra and then Felipa. He held Felipa longer and then kissed her onthe forehead when he released her. Maybe there was more to their relationship –maybe strong friendship?

When Alex went outside to see Gerald off, Felipa took the opportunity to talk toCarmen alone.

“Alex is happy now, yes? He has forgiven you.” Her dark gaze searched Carmen’s,and when she didn’t get an answer, she sighed. “You have not forgiven him.”



“I have forgiven him,” Carmen answered. “He had a lot on his mind. I didn’t know.”

Felipa eyed her doubtfully. “He tells you he is sorry.”

Carmen smiled. “Yes, he did.”

Felipa frowned. “He tells you all the days he is here.”

Carmen nodded. “Yes, he tells me every day in the way he treats me.”

Felipa smiled and glanced up to see Alex approaching them. She patted Carmen’sarm and walked away.

Alex watched her walk away and then lifted a brow to Carmen.

“What did she want?”

The old Alex was bound to emerge at some point. Carmen shrugged.

“Probably the same thing you wanted from Gerald – a few moments of companionship with a friend.”

A wry smile touched his lips as his gaze traveled over her face, but he said nothingmore about it. Who would they turn to when they no longer had each other?

Tuesday dawned a dreary overcast day. Alex was quiet and withdrawn. During thefuneral, Carmen stayed by his side. At one point, when he appeared to be close totears, she slipped her hand in his. He gazed down at her for a moment, squeezing her

hand, and then returned his attention to the eulogy. A single tear slid unchecked downhis cheek, but his expression remained stoic.

It was a simple funeral, with a banquet afterward. It was a solemn affair and theyspent most of the afternoon talking to people she had never met. Many of them wereMorino’s relatives.

They returned to the hacienda that evening exhausted. Dinner was soup andcrackers and then they all retired for the evening. Carmen undressed and put on her nightgown while Alex went down to get a book from the library. She was sitting at thevanity table brushing her hair when he returned. He handed her a book.

“I thought you might enjoy that.”

She picked the book up and read the title.

“The Incredibly Versatile Goat.” She glanced up at Alex. “That’s a strange book for your father to have in his library.”

His gaze skipped over her face and settled on her eyes.



“Is it? I thought it said volumes about his interest in you.”

She lay the book down. “Alex, I don’t want to start this thing about him and meagain. It’s disrespectful to both of us.”

He retrieved the book and sat on the edge of the bed.

“I didn’t mean it that way. I meant he thinks so much of you that he even bought abook so he could be knowledgeable about the subject when he talked to you.”

She looked at him in the mirror. Did he actually believe that or was it a quick save?Hearing that she once had a goat dairy might have piqued his interest, though.

Alex stood and placed the book on her nightstand. He removed his jacket and laid itcarefully over the back of the chair. Long brown fingers loosened and removed the tieand then unbuttoned his shirt. His expression was reflective as he removed the shirt,folded it and laid it on top of the jacket. Bronzed skin contrasted in an attractive way withthe white muscle shirt. His arms and chest were more muscular than they used to be.Did men get that way as they matured? He was still lean, though, with that flat stomach.

She looked away. What was she doing? When they got back home, he would leaveagain. There was no point working herself up to something she couldn’t have. Shestood and retrieved the book.

“I guess I’ll read this for a little while before I go to bed.”

She focused on the book while Alex dressed in his pajamas. The book was aboutall the different goat breeds and uses of the goat, beginning with a history of the goat.

Alex sat on the bed, scooting back against the headboard. He opened his book andbegan reading. It looked like a comfortable position, so Carmen did the same.

They read for about an hour before Carmen decided to turn in. She turned off her light and slid under the covers. Tomorrow they would fly back to Arkansas and for onceshe wasn’t ready to go.

Alex turned off his light and lay down in bed. Carmen lay awake, staring at theceiling. His presence beside her was disturbing. Did all people feel this way when theygot a divorce? But then, she wasn’t the one who wanted a divorce. It was hard tobelieve that only a month ago their relationship sizzled. Would she always feel that way

about him? Even now, after everything that had happened, she still desired him. Wasthere something wrong with her? Would she ever fall out of love with him? Should shefight for him – and how? There had always been a physical attraction between them andunless she had misinterpreted his expression, there still was. But their marriage hadalways been so much more – or did she only think so?

“Carmen?”



His deep voice had the usual effect on her pulse.

“What?”

He rolled over and switched on his light. Turning back to her, he propped up on an

elbow and gazed down at her.

“Do you think Alondra will make a good mother?”

Carmen shrugged. “I suppose she has the potential to be a good mother.” Shefrowned. “Even a good father, I guess.”

His expression became distant for a moment and finally he nodded, his attentionreturning to her.

“I suppose you’re right. Sometimes a woman has to be both mother and father.”

Carmen gazed up at his smooth features. He had always been responsible towardthe children. They would share their responsibilities after … she didn’t want to thinkabout that right now.

His sober regard moved over her face, settling on her lips. He started to lean downand then hesitated, his gaze searching her eyes. Apparently he saw the longing there,because he slowly leaned down and kissed her lips.

It was a long lingering kiss that brought her to full passion. She lay still, afraid tomove. Only her lips responded. It would have been impossible not to. He was the oneperson on earth who could send her heart into a frenzy with one kiss. When he lifted his

head and looked into her eyes, it was all she could do to keep from declaring her lovefor him.

As he gazed down at her, it crossed her mind that they should probably sleep inseparate beds. He brushed a lock of hair back from her face and then traced her jawwith a finger. When he leaned down to kiss her again, she eagerly returned hisaffection. His fingers softly traced down her neck – to her breast and then down until hishand rested on her waist. An inconsequential little voice said she should stop thisbecause it was nothing more than lust on his part. He hesitantly pulled her toward himand the voice became silent as she moved to meet him. She needed him more than sheneeded air to breath. Slipping her arms around his neck, she boldly molded her body tohis lean frame.

His lips left hers briefly and then he whispered softly against her neck.

“Let’s not jump into this thing – this divorce. Let’s think about it.”

She pulled back and studied his face. What caused his second thoughts – amoment of passion? Sure, she was willing enough to forget the idea, but then, she washopelessly in love with him. Was there a chance to salvage their marriage?



She snuggled against him. “I love you so much.”

He stiffened and didn’t respond. Maybe she shouldn’t have said it, but it wassomething he should know if they had a chance. He slowly relaxed and kissed her neckagain.

They made love then, as if nothing had ever come between them. All was forgottenin her mind, but apparently not his.

She woke in the morning to discover she was alone. She showered and dressed industy blue slacks and a lacy tunic. Pulling her hair into a pony tail, she secured it with ablue ribbon. Alex hadn’t returned yet, so she began packing.

Last night was as good as it had ever been with them. It wasn’t simply sex. It was aconnection – a joining of spirit. More than a declaration of love, it was a statement of

commitment – or was she merely fooling herself about that? What made him change hismind? There was no need to ask her to reconsider. Even when she was angry with himand numb with shock, she didn’t consider asking for a divorce. They would make it.They always had. He was the one who bolted. Was it merely all the stress?

She closed the suitcase lid and snapped it shut, staring into empty space. Amemory bloomed into a realization. He had asked if she would consider adopting. Hewas talking about Alfonso. He was sworn to secrecy, but he was still asking for her inputin the only way he could. Was that what triggered his decision to leave? Probably not.He said he was tired of the fighting. In actuality, he was tired of not being in full control.He was overwhelmed, but he wasn’t ready to delegate – not to her, anyway. That wassomething they needed to talk about. When they were first married she said she wantedhim to wear the pants, but that wasn’t the truth. She thought it was at the time, but anindependent person never actually wanted someone else to make all the decisions.When Mom & Dad died, she had been plunged into responsibility up to her neck. Like

Alex, she had been overwhelmed by grief and burden of finances. Unlike Alex, she hadbeen willing to delegate. No, actually she had been willing to dump it all in his lap. Nowonder he felt the need to teach her to be independent. In her eagerness to feed hisdesire to control, she had been willing to give up the independent spirit he foundattractive. Neither of them had been being true to themselves. Katie must have noticedthey were not satisfied with their relationship, but how could she know why they wereunhappy when even they didn’t know?

Her attention was brought to the present when Alex returned.

She smiled at him. “I wondered where you got off to.”

“I wanted to talk to Da … my father.” He glanced at the suitcase. “You must beready to go.”

It was impossible to tell if that idea was troubling. She shrugged.



“There’s no point in waiting until the last minute.”

Without responding, he walked over to the window and stood. Hands in pockets, hissuit jacket was pulled back and he was staring absently outside. Had he changed hismind again now that passion wasn’t ruling his mind? What did he need to discuss with

his father that required him to go while she was asleep? An uneasy feeling began in her stomach. Maybe the need to placate his father had spawned the decision to call off thedivorce. Maybe he did want the inheritance after all. The idea that Alondra might have ason might never have occurred to him. It could have been Felipa – with the man of hisfather’s choice. But he didn’t want the inheritance - or was he merely reluctant? Did hewant to be coaxed or cajoled? Maybe he wasn’t as sure of himself as he pretended.Maybe money meant more to him than he confessed.

Something inside snapped and she felt sick with another thought. Maybe he wasafraid she would take half of what he had taken a lifetime to acquire. That mightconvince him to reconsider divorce. If so, that would leave her with an unhappy

husband.

He turned from the window, focusing on her. Instantly he looked concerned.

“Are you feeling ill?”

She nodded, sitting down on the bed. That was exactly how she felt.

He sat down beside her and put an arm around her.

“Is it your shoulder? Is there anything I can do? Maybe lifting that suitcase …”

“It’s not my shoulder,” she interrupted and then sighed. “I just feel sad.”

Comprehension unknotted his brows. “Oh. I suppose the atmosphere is a littledepressing around here right now.”

Of course it was depressing, and he must be feeling pretty bad right now. Sheshould be supporting him, not moping around imagining the worst. Did it actually matter why he had changed his mind? She had the opportunity to make that changepermanent. Her world revolved around him. Why not demonstrate that adoration? Hecould use it right now.

She took a deep breath and let it out. “Well, I’m the one who decides whether I let

darkness control me or I overcome it.” She smiled up at him. “I’ve got the best lookingman in the world by my side. Why should I be unhappy?”

His gaze charted her face, taking in every detail. She had told him often enoughthat he was the best looking man she had ever seen. The doubt in his eyes would havenothing to do with her declaration now.



She tugged at his tie and gave him a sultry look. “What have you got planned for the next couple of hours?”

His brows shot up and a twinkle came into his eyes.

“How about a little strip poker?”

She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know how to play poker.”

He chuckled as he pulled her down to the bed. “This is sounding more promising allthe time.”

She giggled as his fingers worked at the buttons on her tunic.

“I’m starting to think you don’t much like the clothes I wear.”

He leaned down and kissed her exposed breast.

“Not true. The clothes look good both on and off you.”

He kissed her below the earlobe and then left a hot trail of kisses all the way to thecrevice between her breasts.

She moaned with pleasure. “Alex.”

That was when some inconsiderate soul decided to knock on their door.

They sat up immediately and she buttoned her tunic as he walked to the door. Hestopped at the door, hand on the doorknob and lifted a brow. She nodded and he

opened the door.

The caller spoke in Spanish and Alex answered likewise. He closed the door andstraightened his tie.

“Senor Medena wants us all down in the den in five minutes.” He grimaced. “Iwonder what this is all about.”

Carmen stood, straightening her clothes. “Does that mean me too?”

He nodded. “Of course – unless you don’t want to go.”

She smiled. “I wouldn’t want to miss anything important.”

He looked uncomfortable. “I don’t know how important it is, but at least this time youhaven’t been excluded.”

Warmth shot up her neck. “I wasn’t referring to that. It must have been terrible for you – having to make a promise to a dying friend like that. What else could you do?”



He blinked and started to say something – then stopped and cleared his throat.

Carmen took his hand. “I’m sorry I reminded you.”

He squeezed her hand and drew her close, hugging her. “I needed you.”

He needed her and she had done nothing but argue with him and make his lifemore complicated. It was going to be different now.

Together they went downstairs to face Senor Medena and whatever he had cookedup for them all next.

Chapter twenty-one

The den was crowded with relatives – Morino’s and Senor Medena’s. Alex drewCarmen into a corner and stood with an arm around her waist. Two more people came

into the room and Alex gently pulled her in front of him to make room for them. His armsslipped around her waist, hands capturing hers. Thus they stood and waited for whatappeared to be the reading of a will. If so, it was strange that so much fuss would bemade over the reading of a foreman’s will. Would it be read in Spanish or English?

Senor Medena sat beside his desk and a heavy Spanish looking man with amustache sat in Senor Medena’s big chair. Alondra and Alfonso were sitting in the frontrow. When everyone had settled down, he began reading in Spanish. Alex leaned downand whispered softly in her ear. If it had not been for the fact that he was speaking sodistinctly, she probably wouldn’t have been able to hear the translation. Most of it meantnothing to her and there was no reason for him to translate, but it was thoughtful of him

to include her that way. In his arms, with his warm breath on her cheek and the smell of his cologne surrounding them, it was actually an exciting experience. Senor Medenaglanced at them once and frowned. Then he obviously realized what Alex was doingand a smile played at the corners of his mouth. Was he pleased that Alex was makingan effort to get along with her?

Alex stiffened and stopped translating. When she looked up at him, his attentionwas fixed on Senor Medena. Senor Medena was staring at the man. Something wasn’tgoing as he had wished. The atmosphere in the room was tense, though apparently nothostile. Most of them were watching Senor Medena, but some were watching Alfonso.

Alfonso looked confused. The man began reading again and all eyes went to Alondra.

She looked startled and then started to cry.

Alex leaned down and whispered.

“He left everything else to Alondra.” He paused and then continued. “It is his wishthat his brother raise Alfonso.”

So that was why Senor Medena looked so upset. How much could Morino have leftto Alondra? Surely it wasn’t enough to make a difference for the daughter of such a



wealthy man. Alondra had everything a young lady could want – with the exception of the man she loved.

Carmen caressed Alex’s hand and looked up at his handsome bronzed features.How many times had she almost lost him already? The possibility was frightening.

Alex released her. “Excuse me a minute.”

He worked his way across the crowded room and knelt beside Alondra, putting acomforting arm around her shoulders. He kissed her forehead and spoke to her. It wasimpossible to hear what he was saying with so many people speaking. Carmen steppedback into the corner, out of the way as people began leaving the room. Finally the onlyones left in the room were Alex, Alondra, Senor Medena and Carmen. Unsure whether she was welcome in their conversation, she remained in the corner. Alex glanced upand motioned for her to join them. He was talking to his father as she joined them.

“Of course he can’t will Alfonso like he did his property, but he does have the right

to express his wishes. Ernesto has a nice little ranch.”

His attention shifted to Alfonso. “I think it would be best if you would go stay withyour uncle – at least for a while. Your father had a reason for his wish. I think youshould honor it.”

Alfonso hung his head. “Yes sir.”

Alex stood and helped Alondra to her feet. She put an arm around Alfonso and ledhim to the door. Alex turned to his father.

“Don’t take it personally. He felt that Alfonso would learn to be more responsible if

he lived a simpler life. That was why he wanted me to raise Alfonso.”

Senor contemplated the idea. “Do you think this is true?”

Alex shrugged. “Possibly.”

Senor sighed heavily. “Then it will be so.”

They left Senor Medena in his den and headed back to their room. Carmen slippedher hand in his and looked up at his somber features.

“Did Morino have a lot of money?”

Alex looked down at her. “I suppose so.”

“Is he as wealthy as you?”

Alex stopped and frowned down at her. “When are you going to stop doing that?”

She searched his face but found no clue as to what she had done wrong.



“Stop doing what?”

“You don’t even know, do you?”

She slowly shook her head.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “It isn’t just my money any more.”

She eyed him doubtfully. “Legally, maybe, but you’re the one who earned it. Iwouldn’t take it from you - if that’s what you’re worried about.”

He studied her face. “The only thing I’m worried about is losing you.”

That was a strange thing for a man to say after leaving like he had. He was the onewho wanted a divorce. Why would he be worried about losing her? But then, he hadchanged his mind about divorce, hadn’t he?

She smiled and took his hand tugging him toward their room.

“Come on. We’ve still got an hour before we’re supposed to leave.”

He laughed and followed her.

The Medena chauffeur took them to the airport alone. Alex declined his help withtheir luggage and he left them to their own devices. The trip back to Arkansas wasuneventful with the exception of the fact that Alex was more gallant than usual. Theypicked the children up at Katie’s house and went straight home. It was great to be homeagain as a family unit. With the air cleared of all the secrets, and both of them making aconcentrated effort to get along, even the children appeared to be happier.

The next morning, Sam caught Carmen up with the safari events. Another longhornhad been born in their absence. Princess was getting along in her new pasture and theother horses were all doing well.

“I have something for you,” Sam said. “If you don’t want it, don’t feel obligated totake it.”

Sam opened her truck door and made a kissing sound. “Come on girl.” She lifted apuppy and turned, handing it to Carmen. “It’s half Collie and half Golden Lab.”

Carmen took the puppy from her and fell in love instantly. “She’s beautiful. What’sher name?”

“I’ve just been calling her puppy. She was one of a litter of six and they didn’t wantthe puppies because they were mixed breed. Apparently their Collie had a secret lover.”She looked uncomfortable. “I hope you don’t mind. I noticed you didn’t have a dog and Ithought since you liked animals …”



Carmen smiled. “We had a Great Pyrenees, but he died about a month ago. Hewas getting old. I’d love to have this puppy, and thank you for thinking about us. Thechildren will be delighted.” The puppy snuggled against her. “She’s so loving.”

Sam nodded. “She is, isn’t she? I hope you’ll all enjoy her. I hope your husband

doesn’t get upset.”

Carmen laughed. “I’m sure one more animal isn’t going to upset him.

“I’m glad things are working out well for you now.”

Carmen’s first instinct was not to say anything, but too much had been said alreadyand Alex deserved some defense.

“He promised a dying friend that he wouldn’t reveal his health status. It was prettytough on him – and so was I.”

“I’m sure it was difficult for both of you,” Sam said. “Have you been up in the newpasture since you came back?”

“No,” Carmen said, happy to change the subject. “Are the goats cleaning it up prettygood?”

“Yes. It’s amazing how fast they can work on that brush. You’ve already got newgrass coming up in some areas.

“We’ll have to ride up there this weekend. I was reading a book in Texas and it gaveme an idea. I know goats aren’t native to the United States, but neither are Longhorns.

They both have a long history here, though. Still, I never realized how many ways theycan be used. Did you know they can be used as pack animals?”

Sam laughed. “Are they better than a horse?”

Carmen grinned. “I don’t know, but hikers can use them to haul their things. Ithought maybe we could have guided tours and maybe camp out at night.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Sam said.

Sam climbed into her truck. “Well, whatever you do, don’t push yourself too hard.”

It was nice to have someone concerned about her without taking over. Of course, tobe fair, Sam was an employee and Alex would have to live with the results of whatever she did … like killing his horse.

Carmen watched Sam’s truck disappear behind the brush that lined the road. Thesituation with Alex wasn’t totally resolved. Things were working well now, but if she gotdistracted, he could feel as excluded as she had. From now on she intended to talkthings over with him before she leaped into it.



That said, she was ill prepared for the reaction she got from Alex when he saw thepuppy. She was in the floor with Jonathan, Destiny, Matthew and Natalie playing withthe puppy when Alex came home. Matthew was laughing uncontrollably over the anticsof the puppy. Alex walked over to them and knelt beside Carmen.

“Who does this belong to?”

Carmen smiled up at him. “Us. Sam brought her by this morning. Isn’t she cute?”

“She?” he said, his attention focused on the puppy. “Part Collie?”

“She,” Carmen confirmed. “Half Collie and half Golden Labrador. We haven’tnamed her yet.”

Alex looked disappointed. “I was going to get you a dog, but I thought maybe it wastoo early. I guess not.”

Maybe she should have asked him before accepting the puppy. Was there adecision so small that he need not be consulted?

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I should have asked you. The truth is, if someone had askedme if I was ready for another dog yet, I probably would have said no. There’s justsomething about this one.”

He laid a hand on her shoulder and smiled. “There’s no need to apologize. If thisdog is what you want, it isn’t important who gave it to you – and you don’t need to askme before you put another animal on this place.”

The puppy licked her hand. “I’ll put her outside as soon as she’s old enough.”

He nodded. “I’d appreciate that.”

“How about an inside cat?” she asked.

He frowned. “That’s even worse than an inside dog. They climb all over thecounters. At least the dog is confined to the floor. Either way you’d have hair everywhere.”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” she confessed. “We never had an inside cat. Every animalhad to earn its keep. The only cat we had was a stray and it was allowed to stay around

because it killed mice. A dog just ate up food.”

Alex stood and helped her to her feet. “I never knew you wanted a cat.”

She shrugged. “It would be nice. I could fix a place for it to get out of the cold andrain without coming inside.” She giggled. “Listen to me. If you gave me free rein I’d haveevery kind of animal there was.”

His expression remained solemn. “What kind of cat did you want?”



She laughed. “I don’t know - one with a tail and four feet - a cat, but not a tom cat or a polecat.”

His eyes suddenly twinkled and his mouth slid into a lopsided smile. “I would hopenot a polecat.”

Actually, she had never considered having a cat – or a dog, for that matter – not asa pet. The idea certainly had its appeal, especially so after seeing how Matthewresponded to the puppy. As a child she had wanted a bird. Dad’s response had beenthat they had lots of birds outside and they had chickens. If she had filled the need for apet back then, would children have been as indispensable for her? She had been sofocused on having children – even as a child. What made people the way they were?Why was Alex so absorbed with things being tidy? Why did he hide his feelings? Whydid she want him in control – and then not?

“Carmen?”

His voice brought her back to the present. He frowned.

“If you want a cat, that’s fine and if you don’t want one, that’s fine too.”

“I’m sorry. I was in free flight there. Let me get supper on the table.”

He followed her into the kitchen. “Can I help?”

She started to say no, but he didn’t normally ask. She smiled.

“I already set the table. Maybe you could fill the glasses with tea? It’s in the

refrigerator.”

They worked together getting supper on the table. Alex was handy in the kitchen.That probably came from being a bachelor so long. Still, it wasn’t something he normallydid. He enjoyed coming home and sitting in his chair, relaxing and reading thenewspaper while she put supper on the table. He was trying so hard to please her.Why? Why was he so concerned about losing her? If he kept this up, he’d burn out andthen he’d really be ready to leave. One thing was sure. The more he stepped out of thenorm to please her, the more uneasy she became.

Chapter Twenty-Two

As she suspected he would, Alex presented her with a fluffy white kitten with brightgreen eyes less than two weeks after Sam gave her the puppy. There was no reason topretend she liked the choice. It was absolutely adorable. She hugged the cat and thenhugged Alex.

“Where on earth did you find such a beautiful kitten?”



He looked uncomfortable and then shrugged.

Being a veterinarian gives you connections other people might not have.”

In other words, he bought it. Of course, it probably had a pedigree longer than her

arm and a name she’d never be able to pronounce. Why was he so obsessed withpedigrees? Unless you were breeding them, what difference did it make?

His gaze penetrated hers. “Are you sure you like it?”

She smiled and said with the utmost sincerity, “I love it.” Never had she seen such abeautiful cat. “Does she have a name?”

He opened his mouth to answer and then hesitated. “Why don’t you name her?”

Carmen eyed the cat. “I suppose Snowball would be a common name, and she’scertainly an uncommon cat.

Destiny reached up and touched the cat. “Why don’t we call her Ghost?”

Alex laughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a cat named Ghost.”

Carmen lowered the kitten so that Destiny could reach her. “No, but we do have ahorse named Casper, don’t we? How about Jewel, or Emerald? Her eyes do look likegreen gems.”

The kitten pushed her head into Destiny’s hand and began a loud purr.

Destiny giggled. “She sounds like one of those motorcycles with four wheels.”

Alex winked at Carmen and shifted his attention to Destiny. “A Yamaha, or aHonda.”

“A Polaris!” Jonathan said.

Carmen tipped her head to the side, contemplating the name. “Polaris – that kind of rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? It sounds kind of noble.”

Destiny hopped up and down. “Polaris! Let’s name her Polaris.”

It was only fair that she let the children name the kitten, since Alex had named the

puppy for them. He named it Sentinel, which was probably a good indication of hisexpectations.

Later, after the children had gone to bed and they were enjoying a little timereading, he closed his book and looked at her.

“Do you mind that everyone else named your animals?” he asked.



“Of course not,” she said, closing her book and placing it on the table beside her chair. “I think it’s great that the entire family is together with this new experience.”

“New experience?” he repeated, looking perplexed. “We’ve all participated innaming the animals in the past.”

She nodded. “True, but we’ve never had a pet before.”

He contemplated that thought for a moment and then met her gaze.

“You must have had a very lonely childhood.”

Actually, it had been, but it wasn’t an unhappy one. Josh had a dog – but then, hewouldn’t want to hear about Josh. She smiled.

In many ways I was very fortunate. Mom and Dad let me be a child. It seems like somany children grow up so quickly now.”

For a moment he studied her face. “You thought a lot of your parents, didn’t you?”

That was a strange question. Didn’t everyone think their parents were wonderfulpeople? How did he feel about his parents?

“Sure, didn’t you?” She finally asked.

He glanced up at their picture over the mantle, and then at the painting he hadgiven her of her parents. He nodded and his gaze returned to her.

“Yes, but I didn’t idolize them the way you do yours.”

She stared at him. Did she idolize them? Sure, they were fallible people, but …when did they fail? She couldn’t remember a single time when they were wrong. Of course, they had to have been wrong sometime. She sighed.

“My parents were extraordinary people.”

He was watching her with a strange expression. “I don’t doubt that. So is their daughter, but she’s human and so were they.”

She frowned. “So what’s your point?”

His gaze bore into her eyes. “Do you think they were perfect parents?”

She shook her head slowly. “No, but they were good parents.”

“Didn’t you ever question things they did … like not letting you have a pet?”

She shrugged. “Probably, but doesn’t everyone?”



He nodded. “I did, and I remember it. I don’t try to live like they did, though.”

She leaned forward in her chair and fixed her attention on him. What did her parents do that he didn’t want her to do? Was that why he wanted to leave? Was heready to leave again?

“What am I doing wrong, Alex?” her voice sounded timid.

His smile was sweet. He did have kind eyes.

“It isn’t a matter of doing something wrong, sweetheart. I just hate to see yourestrict yourself because that’s the way your parents lived. All this time you haven’tallowed yourself to have a pet simply because your father thought every animal on theplace should earn its keep. Didn’t he realize that your happiness had value too? Didn’the notice you were lonely?”

She hadn’t ever thought about it. Was that what drew her to Alex? From the daythey met, he had been focused on what she wanted. When he discovered a horse ranchhad been her dream, he made it come true. When she wanted children, he made thathappen. He had considered her feelings about replacing Brutus and when she killed hishorse, he had tried to console her by saying it was only a horse. He had honored her parents – more than he had honored his natural father. Not once had he ever saidanything bad about her parents. Of course, he didn’t know them, but their conversationright now indicated he harbored doubts. Alex had been attuned to her silent wants andneeds because it was important to him. Even when he was upset with her, it wasbecause he wanted more for her. Maybe his methods were wrong, but his heart wascertainly in the right place. And yet, like an unruly child, she had rebelled, causing himendless worry and stress.

“No wonder you wanted a divorce,” she finally said in a gush of air. “I’ve caused youso much stress – and at a time when I should have been supporting you.”

He looked startled and then bewildered. “What?” he finally said. “I wasn’t the onewho wanted a divorce. You were.”

She caught her breath. “No I didn’t. You were the one who left.”

He stood and walked over to her, staring down at her in dismay. He pointed to hisoffice.

“Excuse me? We sat right up there in my office the day Morino died and you werethe one who mentioned divorce, not me.”

She stood and faced him. “Sure, I said the D word first, but I wasn’t the one whosaid I wanted to get away from all the arguing. I didn’t want you to think I was going tofight you on it and …”

“Do you mean to tell me you didn’t want a divorce?” His eyes flashed.



She lifted her chin. “Of course not. You were the one who was so unhappy abouteverything.”

He rubbed his jaw and eyed her reflectively for a few moments. Finally he ran ahand through his hair. “I guess I was, but I didn’t want a divorce. I never thought about it

until you said the word. Then I thought you wanted it. I could hardly blame you.”

Carmen sank to her chair feeling lightheaded with relief. And yet … She lifted her face to find him standing over her, watching her with a concerned look on his face. Shesighed.

“You wouldn’t speak to me for two days after I killed Ed. You didn’t like the way Idressed or the way I ran the business. I thought you were tired of me. Then in Texaswhen you said we should think about it - and then the next morning you went down tosee your father … what was that all about?”

His gaze wandered over her face. Finally he kneeled in front of her so that their eyes were on the level.

“I don’t even know where to start. Obviously we have misinterpreted each other tothe point of total confusion.”

He looked away and ran a hand through his hair as he gazed absently at the floor.Finally his gaze returned to hers. His solemn expression made a chill go up her spine.He hadn’t been considering divorce before, but now she had put it in his mind.

“I can’t begin to describe to you what was going through my mind after you fell off that cliff. I was angry because you went up there alone – scared half out of my mind

with the thought that you could have been killed. You were dressing different and actingdifferent – honestly Carmen, I didn’t know what to expect next.”

She looked into his eyes and spoke softly. “So you left me.”

He stood and rubbed the back of his neck.

“I told you why I left – and I don’t want to get into that conversation again. Youmade it clear enough what I did wrong and I’ve apologized. It won’t happen again. Ithought I needed to get away for a while so I could think clearly. I felt like everythingwas closing in around me. I wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t want to betray Morino. I’msorry I betrayed you instead.”

Yes, she’d made it clear enough alright. She’d accused him of ditching hisresponsibilities and being a poor husband and father. She stood and met his gaze.

“I was angry and hurt, Alex. You’re a wonderful father and husband. I shouldn’thave said what I did when I talked to you on the phone. I lost my temper and said thingsI didn’t mean.”



“You meant it,” he said.

She nodded. “Maybe, but I didn’t know what I was talking about. I was scared and jumping to conclusions. You were right. The children were picking up on my fears.”

He sighed audibly and rubbed the back of his neck again.

“What were you to think? Gerald warned me, but I thought he didn’t have enoughexperience to know. If I hadn’t left, you wouldn’t have been molested.”

She put her hands over his. “No harm done, Alex. He said he wasn’t going to hurtme and I don’t think he intended to. I think he wanted to put me in my place because Iwasn’t responding to him the way other women did. He wanted to humiliate me becausehe felt humiliated. It wasn’t right, but I don’t think he came into the barn with the intent of doing me harm. He insulted you to hurt me.”

He squeezed her hands. “You wanted a man who would wear the pants – someoneto protect you. I failed you – again.”

She put an index finger on his lips. “Stop it, Alex. I thought I wanted a man to wear the pants and make the decisions, but I didn’t. What I wanted is who you really are, notthe person I’ve guilted you into becoming. I didn’t even know who I was until Katiestarted trying to make me over. Then I only knew that wasn’t me. With all that going on,and your loyalty to a dying friend, you were so overwhelmed that you didn’t know whichway to turn. I was strangling you with demands. Of course you wanted to get away fromme.”

He pulled her close. “It wasn’t you that I wanted to get away from, sweetheart.”

“Did you talk to your father about it too?”

He gripped her shoulders and pulled her back so he could look at her face.

“What do you mean, too?”

“You said you talked to Gerald.”

“No, I said Gerald warned me. I didn’t go to Gerald or Senor Medena to talk aboutwhat was going on between us. My father would know less than Gerald about what ittook to make a woman happy.”

His father knew a lot more than Alex was giving him credit for, and likely so didGerald. Still, if he wasn’t talking to his father about their situation, why had he left her before she woke? What was so urgent that it couldn’t wait?

His gaze traveled over her face, detecting something that touched his mouth with aslight smile.



“I went down that morning to talk to father about Felipa before she came down for breakfast. I told him about how she had helped us with the tours and suggested that hetrain her to take over the estate.”

Once again she had let her imagination carry her into misery. Far from changing his

mind about the inheritance or feeling competitive with a possible new heir, he was busygiving Felipa a boost into the position his father had coveted for his only son.

She smiled up at him. “And what did he say?”

He grimaced. “He said he’d take it under consideration.” He shook his head. “Youdidn’t have much faith in me, did you?”

Heat crawled up her neck. How could she answer that without hurting his feelings?No, she didn’t have much faith in him, but that wasn’t his fault. She snuggled close tohim and when his arms comforted her, she sighed in contentment.

“I was a fool,” she finally said. “I’d like to say it will never happen again, but …” Shelifted her head. “I think you’d know better than that. I’ll just say I’m sorry and I’ll try not tobe so hysterical in the future.”

He chuckled. “I don’t know about hysterical, but you do get emotional. Maybepassionate would be a better word. You care deeply about things, Carmen. I’m thankfulthat one of those things is me.”

She hugged him. “I love you more than I can describe. I don’t want you to ever beunhappy. I love the way you take charge; your confidence and the way you’re sofastidious about everything. I don’t understand what such a wonderful person sees in a

hick like me. I’m afraid you’ll grow tired of me or this place.

For a few moments he simply held her. When he spoke again, it was with the oldconfidence.

“The future is frightening if you dwell on it. It’s good to have hopes and dreams, butwe need to live today to its fullest because it’s only going to happen once.” He was quietfor a few moments and then he stroked her arms as he spoke.

“I fell head over heals with the little goat lady who had the courage to get right upinto my face and give me what-for about a hen I threw to the fox. Remember that? Itwasn’t important whether you were right or wrong. I’ve seen you knocked to your kneeswith pneumonia, grief and a sick husband, but you always come right back up fighting.Life might get stressful at times with you Carmen, but I’ll never be bored.”

His fingers tightened around her upper arms and he pulled her away from him.Looking down at her, he continued.



“I don’t want to run your life. I never did. I thought that was what you wanted. I wantto protect and cherish you. If you think I’m getting paternal about it, just tell me and I’llback off.”

She nodded. “It makes me feel secure to know you’re there and I can depend on

you. I trust your judgment better than I do my own.”

“I know, and you shouldn’t. Don’t patronize me, Carmen. It makes me feel small.When you called Gerald instead of me because you thought I would be upset, do youhave any idea how that made me feel?”

She gazed up at him. “Paternal?”

He frowned down at her for a minute. “I guess that pretty much sums it up.”

She unbuttoned the first buttons on his shirt and slipped her hands inside, slidingthem around to the back of his neck. Pulling his head down, she whispered with her lipsclose to his.

“The way I feel about you has nothing to do with father-daughter relationships.You’re still the sexiest man alive to me.”

She stretched up and pressed her lips to his. When his arms surrounded her, sheslid her arms up and around his neck, pulling his lips down on hers.

They were embarking on a new phase in their lives together, leaning on each other without becoming a burden. They were two individuals joined in marriage because theywanted to be lifetime companions. There would be no more doubt or fear that he would

one day leave her. They would enjoy each day that had been given them as a gift.Fretting about the future was futile. They would take each challenge and know the joyand pride of working through it together. That was what marriage was about.

Epilogue

Alex leaned on the shovel and watched as Sam rode up the hill toward them. She wasabout the best equestrian he had ever seen. She moved with the horse as if it were anextension of her body. He turned to Carmen.

“Here comes Sam.”

“Carmen glanced up from the rock she had placed and nodded.

“I’m sure going to miss her when she goes back to school.”

“Are you going to hire someone while she’s gone?”



Carmen sighed. “I think I’m going to need someone all year long. In the summer months, it would be nice to have her here as well, but I have to face the fact thateventually she’ll be getting a job and moving away.”

Alex straightened and set the shovel aside. “We’re going to need another doctor at

the clinic before long. I thought she’d be a great addition.”

Carmen didn’t respond. It was hard to tell how she felt about it. As she pointed out,Sam would eventually be leaving for a better job anyway. He hadn’t said anything toSam about it yet.

Sam halted Red and dismounted gracefully. She went straight to Carmen. Onething about Sam, she never forgot who she was working for.

“I finished everything a little early. Would you like me to help you up here?”

Carmen nodded. “We’re building a fire pit here for a campsite. You could get thewheelbarrow and go with Alex to get some more rocks.” Her gaze shifted to Alex. “Isthat alright?”

He shrugged and grinned. “You’re the boss.”

Carmen met his gaze, a twinkle in hers, but said nothing.

Sam silently followed him with the wheelbarrow. There was no shortage of rocks onthe mountain. He stopped at a pile where they had picked them out of the trail. Alexpicked up a large flat rock and put it in the wheelbarrow. Sam started to grab one and

Alex stopped her.

“Be sure to wear your gloves, and be careful about snakes. Lift the far side of therock toward you. If there is a snake under it, that puts a rock between you and thesnake.”

Sam pulled gloves from her waistline and put them on. Then she carefully pulledthe rock toward her as he had instructed. She lifted it and carried it to the wheelbarrowwhile he picked up another one. They worked quietly for a few minutes until they hearda sound in the brush. Something big was headed their way.

Alex exclaimed in surprise. He’d left his riffle in the boot with his horse, back whereCarmen was. Hopefully it wasn’t a bear. He hadn’t seen any bear sign in a long time. He

stepped between Sam and the animal.

“Get behind a tree,” he ordered as he turned to face the animal.

An elk cow burst out of the brush and skidded to a stop when she saw Alex. It wasa dangerous situation, but he lifted his arms to make himself look as big as possible andshouted.





Carmen had forgiven Rob, but he hadn’t. Thinking about what he did to Carmenbrought his mind to a boil. Sometimes he imagined meeting Rob in a secluded spot andbeating him to a pulp. If Carmen hadn’t felt so threatened by him, she would have askedhim to ride up to the mountain with her. What happened was an accident, and asCarmen had pointed out, it could have happened regardless of who was with her, butshe wouldn’t have been trapped for hours on a ledge. His stomach cramped at thememory of that cliff. If the ledge hadn’t been there, Carmen would have been killed. Ashe had pointed out to Carmen, they could lose each other in an accident any time. Itwas something he expected her to accept, but he hadn’t. This was wild country, but shehad a right to ride it, with or without a companion, as he was now.

Back-tracking the elk through the brush wasn’t so difficult, but trying to movethrough the brush on horseback wasn’t a simple thing. It would be easier to walk, but hewanted the advantage of height and bulk to work on his side. Anything big enough tomake a mature elk bolt was enough to concern him – including a bull elk. He finallybroke into a clearing and began searching for tracks.

When he finally found a print, it made the hair on the back of his neck stand up –dogs. Where were they now? He tracked them back to the fence and found where theyhad dug under it. He’d have to get help and search for them. He could block the hole,but there was no way of knowing if he would be trapping them inside. It didn’t look likethere were more than two. Hopefully they weren’t wild. Two dogs that size didn’t presentmuch of a threat to an Elk, or the wild sheep, for that matter. They did pose a threat toCarmen’s goats, though. He’d have to alert her to the danger.

He followed the tracks until he lost them across some rocks. He turned Randomback and headed for the camp. Too bad Sentinel was still a puppy. Of course, she was

going to be a pet, but a pet that size would also provide protection to a degree. He’d liketo get a stock dog like the Great Pyrenees Carmen had. Maybe he could do that soon.She could use one if she was going to run goats again. Surprisingly enough, he waslooking forward to the fresh milk and cheese. If Carmen didn’t hire someone soon, he’dhire someone to take care of the wildlife. It was too much for her and she knew it at thispoint. The safari was his dream, not hers. He had never thought of it as a money-making investment. It was more like a hobby – or maybe a collection. Obviously sheenjoyed the business part of it. He had every intent of supporting her – emotionally,physically and financially.

He rode into the camp and shoved the rifle into the boot. Carmen looked up with asilent question in her eyes. He dismounted.

“A couple of dogs,” he said. “They might belong to neighbors. I lost their trail. I’llhave to get Bill to come here with me.

“I’ll be glad to help,” Sam interjected.

Alex lifted his brows to Carmen. She didn’t appear to have any reservations aboutSam, but he wasn’t taking any chances.



Carmen smiled. “No thanks. I’d rather feed the animals than hunt them.”

He grinned. It hadn’t even occurred to her. He nodded to Sam. “You’re welcome toride along, but if the dogs are wild, we’ll shoot them.”

Sam frowned. “How will you know if they’re wild?”

He shrugged. “If they’re on our property, they don’t have collars and they arechasing the wildlife, then they’re wild.”

Sam shifted a startled gaze to Carmen.

Carmen smiled at him and then turned to Sam. “My sentiments exactly.”

It was good to be back in sync again.

Sam looked uneasy. “I think I’ll pass too.”

It was just as well with him. He turned to Carmen.

I think I’ll hire an extra hand – for things like this and for my part of this business.”

She glanced at Sam and then nodded. “That’s probably a good idea.”

Without another word, he began shoveling dirt around the outside base of the firepit Sam started helping Carmen place rocks

Documents

To Thine Own Self