TREATING TRAUMA FROM SEXUAL BETRAYAL WEEK 1: GROUP … · 2018-04-19 · TREATING TRAUMA FROM SEXUAL BETRAYAL WEEK 1: GROUP WELCOME AND INTRODUCTION OBJECTIVE The objectives of this

TREATING TRAUMA FROM SEXUAL BETRAYAL

WEEK 1: GROUP WELCOME AND INTRODUCTION

OBJECTIVE

The objectives of this week’s group are to get to know the others in your group, help you

understand yourself and what your trauma looks like, and review the treatment model for

addressing trauma from sexual betrayal.

COMPLETE:

‣ Welcome to Group

‣ Review a Model to Address Sexual Betrayal: The Essential Tools for Healing

© 2017, Addo Recovery, LLC of 1 33 FEEL CONNECTED AGAIN

Betrayal trauma is a condition that literally parallels PTSD (post-

traumatic stress disorder). PTSD can occur anytime the mind

attempts to process a traumatic event that surpasses the customary

or natural human experience. When trust and safety are broken, the

betrayed spouse naturally calls into question the bond they have

with their partner, and the reaction is manifested in characteristics

aligned with PTSD; namely depression, anxiety, flashbacks, recurrent

nightmares, and avoidance of reminders of the event.

WELCOME TO GROUP

Where are you from?

What is something a lot of people don’t know about you?

What is the most fun thing you’ve ever done?

If you had an hour to yourself, what would you do?

What do you hope to accomplish in this group?


A MODEL TO ADDRESS SEXUAL BETRAYAL: THE ESSENTIAL TOOLS FOR

HEALING

CORE SOLUTION #1: SEEK GENUINE UNDERSTANDING AND CREATE A SAFE AND TRUSTING ENVIRONMENT

CORE SOLUTION #2: INTERNAL EXPLORATION: RESOLVE DIFFICULT EMOTIONS AND HURTFUL BELIEFS

CORE SOLUTION #3: CREATING A POSITIVE SUPPORT NETWORK WHILE REDUCING NEGATIVE INTERACTIONS

CORE SOLUTION #4: STRENGTHENING YOUR INNER SELF

COMPONENT #1

Model Compassion

Explore new and old wounds (Key Life Events Inventory)

Boundaries Self-trust

COMPONENT #2

Understand client/help them feel felt

Identify triggers Establish close connections

Self-care

COMPONENT #3

Provide education and clear guidance

Find core beliefs about self and others

Build a support team

Mindfulness/Yoga

COMPONENT #4

Help client listen to their inner voice

Process painful memories and difficult emotions

Inner circle (identify who’s where)

Resiliency

COMPONENT #5

Establish working goals to help client feel hope

Treat PTSD symptoms

Understand spiritual connections

Create genuine happiness



WEEK 2: EXPLORING NEW AND OLD WOUNDS

OBJECTIVE

The objective this week is to learn more of your story and background. Through a deep

understanding of early life traumas, you will learn how your current relationship triggers

add to your trauma.

Our goal this week is that you leave with a deeper understanding about self, see the link

between past and present, and gain a deeper appreciation for the feelings you are having.

OOCW

READ:

‣ Chapter One: The Creation of Post Traumatic Stress

‣ Chapter Two: Assessing Trauma from Sexual Betrayal

‣ Chapter Three: Adding Trauma to Trauma

‣ Chapter Four: Stuck in Fight, Flight or Freeze

WATCH (LINK IS CASE SENSITIVE):

‣ Why Do I Feel like I’m Going Crazy? bit.ly/ADDOBT

‣ What, This is Normal? bit.ly/ADDOBT


“

”

Memories are the key not to the past, but

to the future.

CORRIE TEN BOOM

COMPLETE:

‣ Key Life Events Timeline

KEY LIFE EVENTS TIMELINE

All of us have key life events that alter our lives for good or bad. In this assignment, your

task is to identify the significant events that have changed your life. Take into account big

events such as the death of a loved one, moving, your first sexual experiences, etc. Other

things you might include: parents fighting or divorcing, a parent with mental health

challenges or substance abuse problems, being bullied on a playground, difficult school or

team experiences. Some of these events may have also happened in your adult years (e.g.

Health problems, job loss, etc.). Don’t think too much about it, just write down as many

experiences as you can think of for the next few minutes. Once you are done, place your

experience on the timeline.

Once you are done, place your experiences on the timeline.


EVENT AGE


Now, place each of the events above on the timeline below:


To finish, respond to the following prompt here or in your journal:

Now that you have identified key life events from the past, what sticks out to you

the most? Identify any common themes throughout the timeline as well as the

events that had the biggest impact on your life.



WEEK 3: DISCOVERY, THE PAINFUL BEGINNING

OBJECTIVE

The objective of this week is to understand how discovery influenced you and how your

initial response may be part of unlocking your trauma. We will help you recognize the

physical manifestations of your trauma in order to begin working on overcoming the

symptoms.

Our goal is that you leave with an understanding of the importance of how Discovery Day

(D-Day) has influenced you. In addition, we want you to understand what healthy

disclosures and unhealthy disclosures can do for your relationship.

OOCW

READ:

‣ Chapter Five: Discovery, the Painful Beginning


‣ How to Make Sense of Your Trauma bit.ly/ADDOBT

COMPLETE:

‣ Appendix B: Sharing Your Story

‣ Appendix C: Support Resources for Couples Disclosures


“

”

When we share our stories, what it does is it opens up our hearts for other people to

share their stories. And it gives us the sense that we are not alone on this journey.

JANINE SHEPHERD


WEEK 4: THE SECRET TO HEALING — IT STARTS WITH SAFETY

OBJECTIVE

If you don’t feel safe, overcoming trauma will be difficult. In this week’s group we will guide

you in learning about the safety of your current environment.

We hope that you leave this group with an increased understanding of the importance of

safety in your healing. We also want you to begin establishing a plan so that you can

create more safety in your life.

OOCW

READ:

‣ Chapter Six: The Secret to Healing — It Starts with Safety

WATCH:

‣ No video this week!

COMPLETE:

‣ Page 84: List of Support Checklist

‣ Your Relationship with Others

‣ Finding a Safe, Calm Space


“

”

When we share our stories, what it does is it opens up

our hearts for other people to share their stories. And it

gives us the sense that we are not alone on this journey.

JANINE SHEPHERD

YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS

OVERVIEW

In this lesson we will help you identify how open you are with others and help you create

more meaningful relationships.

INSTRUCTIONS

On a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being “I already do this” and 1 being “I don’t do this at all,”

how would you score yourself in these five areas? 1. Openness, 2. Honesty, 3. Integrity, 4.

Faith & Hope, 5. Understanding of Love.

Once you have the score written, create a game plan to improve each area.

STEP #1

On a scale of 1 - 10, rate the following:

STEP #2

How am I going to improve in the areas that need improvement?

EVENT RATE FROM 1-10 (10 = ALREADY DO IT)

OPENNESS

HONESTY

INTEGRITY

FAITH & HOPE

UNDERSTANDING OF LOVE


STEP #3

What did you learn?


FINDING A SAFE, CALM PLACE

INSTRUCTIONS

Answer the following questions:

Am I safe?


“

”

Only in a safe environment is it adaptive and appropriate

to simultaneously inhibit defense systems and exhibit

positive social engagement behavior.

DR. STEPHEN PORGES

Where am I safe?

If I have a safe place, can I inhibit my defense systems and exhibit positive social

engagement behavior?



WEEK 5: GETTING UNSTUCK. LEARN TO TAKE ACTION.

OBJECTIVE

In this week we will empower you to begin taking action so that you so don't stay in fight,

flight, or freeze..

Our goal for this week is that you leave feeling confident in your ability to take control of

your healing.

OOCW

READ:

‣ Chapter Seven: Getting Unstuck. Learn to take action.

LISTEN (LINK IS CASE SENSITIVE):

‣ NEW LINK: Radio Interview of Dr. LeDoux bit.ly/DRLEDOUX

COMPLETE:

‣ Appendix F: Questions to Prepare for Change

‣ Page 98: Answer questions found in Section Three, Prepare to Take Action.


“

”

One starts an action simply because one

must do something.

T.S. ELLIOT


WEEK 6: SEXUAL BETRAYAL AND SEXUAL TRAUMA

OBJECTIVE

In this week we will address if the trauma you are experiencing is potentially life

threatening. We explore the difficult topic of sexual trauma within the relationship and the

possibility of health related problems due to your spouse's behaviors (e.g. STD's,

threatened violence).

Our goal is to help you establish boundaries to help you feel more secure. After this class

we want you to feel empowered so that you don't stay in the fight, flight, or freeze mode.

OOCW

READ:

‣ Chapter Eight: Sexual Betrayal and Sexual Trauma


‣ Is this life threatening? bit.ly/ADDOBT

COMPLETE:

‣ Creating a Boundary


“

”

Boundaries are not something you “set on”

another person. Boundaries are about yourself.

HENRY CLOUD AND JOHN TOWNSEND

CREATING A BOUNDARY

OVERVIEW

Setting boundaries is an essential skill in life, especially for people striving for recovery.

Many grow up in dysfunctional homes, where boundaries were either too rigid (leading to

suppressed emotions or distant relationships) or too enmeshed (depriving them of a sense

of personal identity). Later in life, their interpersonal relationships may continue to be

defined by old roles and patterns.

Creating and setting boundaries will give you an opportunity to define your truths, values,

motives and what you can control.

With boundaries you can break old roles and patterns in order to live more freely.

INSTRUCTIONS

This assignment is pretty simple. Answer these five questions with complete honesty.

Remember, honesty with self is key.


QUESTION #1

What are my truths, rights and values?


QUESTION #2

How are these truths, rights and values taken from me?


QUESTION #3

What is in my control and what can I do?


QUESTION #4

What are my motives?


QUESTION #5

If I set and hold a boundary, what could be the consequences?

What will I not want to face or feel?

What fears do I have?



WEEK 7: HEALING PAINFUL MEMORIES

OBJECTIVE

With trauma, the mind is constantly replaying what happened. The purpose of this week is

to help you break the pattern of reliving what has occurred.

Our goal is for you to learn to slow down your mind and replace overwhelming thoughts

with new thoughts of hope for the future.

OOCW

READ:

‣ Chapter Nine: Healing Painful Memories


‣ I Keep Reliving It. How Do I Get it to Stop? bit.ly/ADDOBT

COMPLETE:

‣ Appendix H: The Five Whys


“

”

Ultimately, healing is an

inside job.

MARK WOLYNN


WEEK 8: START LIVING AGAIN! STRATEGIES FOR FACING YOUR FEARS

OBJECTIVE

After the discovery of betrayal, avoidance of people, places, and activities that you used to

enjoy is very common. Our focus this week is to help you develop new strategies to face

your fears.

Since trust in others has been lost, our goal is that you begin developing meaningful

connections and safety with people close around you.

OOCW

READ:

‣ Chapter Ten: Start Living Again! Strategies for Facing Your Fears


‣ I’m Avoiding Life: How to Feel Alive Again bit.ly/ADDOBT

COMPLETE:

‣ Page 142: Complete the Section Avoidance: How We Hide Our Unmet Needs

‣ Page 144: Complete the Assignment Found on Page 144


“

”

Persistent effortful avoidance of distressing

trauma-related stimuli after the event.

DSM-5 CRITERIA C FOR PTSD


WEEK 9: FACING NEGATIVE SELF-BELIEFS AND MENTAL HEALTH

CHALLENGES

OBJECTIVE

In the DSM-5, Negative Mood and Cognitions was included as a criteria for PTSD. This

week's focus is to identify the negative beliefs participants have adopted due to their

spouse’s behaviors.

Since beliefs guide behaviors, our goal is to help you identify the beliefs that are holding

you back (e.g. I’m not enough) and replace them without positive alternatives.

OOCW

READ:

‣ Chapter 11: Facing Negative Self-Beliefs and Mental Health Challenges


‣ It’s My Fault, Right? How to Overcome the Great Lie bit.ly/ADDOBT

COMPLETE:

‣ How to Understand and Combat Negative Self-Talk


If I was prettier, taller, thinner, or sexier, he

wouldn’t act out in the way he does.

THE GREAT LIE

HOW TO UNDERSTAND AND COMBAT NEGATIVE SELF-TALK

If you often feel negative about yourself, you probably have negative self-talk tapes

running through your mind. Why does this happen? It is most likely the beliefs that you

have accepted about yourself. If indeed our beliefs are what guide negative self-talk, then

it is important to understand your beliefs and attempt to alter the beliefs that are guiding

your negative thought patterns.

UNDERSTANDING YOUR BELIEFS

Your beliefs are what guide you through life. You can think of your beliefs as a computer's

operating system. When you boot up your computer the operating system tells you what

to do and what to think. An operating system that has a lot of negative self-beliefs often

sees self and possibly others in a negative light.

Generally speaking, these negative self-beliefs come from somewhere. Sometimes they

come from a current relationship where betrayal reactivates previous issues. At other

times, unresolved issues from the past like neglect, hurt, betrayal, abandonment, or abuse

are the driving force behind negative beliefs. Ultimately, whether it is current betrayal or

negative experiences from the past, if you have negative self-beliefs, they are hurting you

and will prevent you from finding what is good about you and others.

SELF BELIEFS

The statements above are just a few things that you have beliefs about. Other common

beliefs that we have include:

• whether we are spiritual or not

BELIEF FINISH THE STATEMENT OUTCOME OF YOUR BELIEF

I feel I am…

In close relationships I…

People are…

I see myself as…


• if we are worthy of love or not

• if we are smart or not

• if people like us or not

• if we are social or not

• if we can be successful or not

Below you can journal about additional beliefs you have that are guiding your day to day

life.

If negative thoughts dominate your mind, it is critical to take time to understand your

beliefs. One additional way to better understand your beliefs is to write them down as you

think about them.

Record what additional beliefs you have about yourself or others:



WEEK 10: DISCOVER HOW TO REGULATE DIFFICULT EMOTIONS

OBJECTIVE

An inability to regulate difficult emotions can feel overwhelming. Hyperarousal, anxiety,

hypervigilence, and suicidal ideation can be associated with sexual betrayal. The primary

focus of this week is to help you understand emotional regulation.

Our goal is for you to regain a sense of control over your life through the implementation

of two specific methods for emotional regulation: yoga and meditation.

OOCW

READ:

‣ Chapter 12: Discover How to Regulate Difficult Emotions


‣ Please Stop My Racing Mind: The Essentials of Slowing Down bit.ly/ADDOBT

‣ OPTIONAL: Sleep bit.ly/ADDOBT

‣ OPTIONAL: Exercise bit.ly/ADDOBT

‣ OPTIONAL: Eating bit.ly/ADDOBT

‣ OPTIONAL: Yoga (14 SESSIONS) bit.ly/ADDOYOGA

‣ OPTIONAL: Mindfulness (8 SESSIONS) bit.ly/MINDFULNESSADDO


“

”

Sleep was elusive. I couldn’t eat. Day and night my heart felt like it was

going to jump out of my body. The slightest change in my husband’s

demeanor or would set me off. I felt like at any moment I would explode.

ADDO CLIENT

http://bit.ly/ADDOBT




http://bit.ly/ADDOYOGA

COMPLETE:

‣ Journal Prompts

JOURNAL PROMPTS

Try and write for 10 minutes in your response to each question.

What did I believe about myself before discovery?


What do I believe about myself after discovery?



WEEK 11: SELF-COMPASSION: A HALLMARK OF HEALING

OBJECTIVE

As we consider what really creates change, changing your negative self-beliefs has a

tremendous impact! One of the most powerful ways for you to do this is to have

compassion for self. This week we focus on helping you develop a deeper sense of

compassion for self.

Our goal is to arm you with strategies to assess your level of self-compassion and help

you implement self-care.

OOCW

READ:

‣ Chapter 13: Self Compassion: A Hallmark of Healing


‣ The Secret Sauce to Long-Term Healing bit.ly/ADDOBT

COMPLETE:

‣ Page 188: Complete Assessing Your Level of Self-Compassion Section


“

”

If we can find ourselves in the midst of suffering and acknowledge the

depth of our struggle, the heart begins to soften automatically. We stop

trying to feel better and instead discover sympathy for ourselves. We start

caring for ourselves because we’re suffering.

CHRISTOPHER GERMER



WEEK 12: A CASE STUDY: FOUR KEY ELEMENTS TO HEALING

OBJECTIVE

As we conclude the foundational content of our group program, our goal is to help you

prepare for the next steps. We will review what you have learned and teach you the last

concept: self-trust.

Our goal is that you leave with a realization of how far you have come and then help you

look toward the future.

OOCW

READ:

‣ Chapter 14: Self Compassion: A Hallmark of Healing


‣ Being the Real You bit.ly/ADDOBT

COMPLETE:

‣ Being the Real You


“

”

New Patterns are hard to establish and old patterns are hard to break, but

those who pay the price to create lasting change simply act no matter how

difficult the journey may be.

DR. KEVIN SKINNER


BEING THE REAL YOU

Watch Being the Real You (bit.ly/ADDOBT) and write down your personal areas of self-

trust you want to work on.

Come prepared to discuss with the class.



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TREATING TRAUMA FROM SEXUAL BETRAYAL WEEK 1: GROUP … · 2018-04-19 · TREATING TRAUMA FROM SEXUAL BETRAYAL WEEK 1: GROUP WELCOME AND INTRODUCTION OBJECTIVE The objectives of this