Two by Two by Misery - Ali Al Yousifi

7/23/2019 Two by Two by Misery - Ali Al Yousifi

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Ali Al Yousif

TWO BY TWO BY MISERY

PART 1 / WHAT IS A BEDROOM

A bedroom is a room with enough space or a bed, a closet, a table,

and a chair; or any equivalent pieces o urniture respective o the

occupant’s culture and liestyle. These pieces must be comortably distanced

so as to not impede the occupant’s inroom circulation. A bedroom has an

operable window with natural lighting and ventilation. Any room not

satisying these basic requirements is not a bedroom, regardless o whether

it’s being used as a bedroom or not.

PART 2 / WHAT IS A BATHROOM

A bathroom is a room with enough space or a toilet, a sin!, and

bathing space; or any equivalent bathroom f"tures respective o the user’s

culture and liestyle. These f"tures must be comortably distanced so as to

not impede the occupant’s inroom circulation. Any room not satisying these

basic requirements is not a bathroom, regardless o whether it’s being used

as a bathroom or not.

PART 3 / AN ARCHITECTURAL RIGHT

#very human being has the right to a bedroom and a bathroom. They

can be shared or personal, owned or rented, and they can be creatively



Ali Al Yousif

ad$usted to ft an infnite o possible conte"ts, but they must be provided

without compromising any o their basic components.

PART 4 / AN ARCHITECTURAL CRIME

To purposeully deprive a human being o their right to a bedroom and

a bathroom, when there is ample opportunity to provide this right is a crime.

Apathy, la%iness, cost cutting, proft ma"imi%ation, or ignorance o the

importance o providing the aorementioned architectural right is not an

e"cuse or committing this architectural crime. Any architect who helps his

client commit this crime has equally committed the crime, and is a traitor to

the proession.

PART 5 / A LETTER TO A CRIMINAL ARCHITECT

&ear Architect,

> #ven though we have never met, and ' don’t !now your name or how you

loo! li!e( ' still hate you.

> This is because ' don’t need to meet you to !now who you are. This room

that ' live in, a room in a building that you designed, tells me all ' need to

!now about who you are.

> )et me tell you what ' thin! about this room that you have designed or

me( ' hate it.

> 't’s too small, and too dar!. The air is still and stale. There’s no window. '

can’t tell day rom night.



Ali Al Yousif

> There’s not even space to permanently ft my tiny bed. ' have to old it in

the morning to ma!e space or the ironing board. *y closet is too shallow

to ft anything other than tightly olded clothes.

> And that’s it. There is no space or anything else.> 's this all you thin! ' need+ hat i ' wanted to read a boo!+ -r write in my

noteboo!+ hat i ' bought something slightly bigger than what your tiny

closet can hold, where do you propose ' put it+ hat i ' wanted to stretch

both my arms at the same time without hitting the walls+ 's that too

much+

> A bed is or lying down, but what i ' didn’t want to lie down+ hat i '

wanted to sit in my room+ There’s no chair, nor any space to place a chair.

The room is even too small or an imaginary chair. ' can stand in my room.

' can lie down in my room. ut ' can’t sit. &o you have something against

me sitting+ hy can’t ' sit+

> Actually there is one place ' can sit, the toilet seat in my bathroom. ut '

try to avoid that as much as possible. *y bathroom is smaller, dar!er and

damper than my room.

> ' hate my bathroom too.

> ut ' don’t only hate you because you have decided to give me a bedroom

and a bathroom that ' hate. ' hate you more because the rest o the

apartment is actually quite beautiul.

> This tells me that you are not an incompetent architect, but a la%y and

cruel architect. You gave me this room even though you could have done

better. You $ust decided not to.

> The bedroom ne"t to mine is currently empty. 't has a big window

overloo!ing the sea. 't has its own bathroom too. The /ooring is lovely

dar! wood, and the walls are covered with sot vegetal patterns. 't’s being



Ali Al Yousif

!ept empty because they’re e"pecting the baby to arrive anytime now. '

love that room.

> As ' said, even though we have never met, ' !now you.

> ' !now that you don’t care about me.

> ' !now that you thin! '’m not important enough or you to put some e0ort

into designing something nice or me.

> You have built my current misery rom bloc!s and concrete.

> And because o that dear architect, and even though ' have never met

you( ' hate you.

PART 6 / A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A CLIENT AND A CRIMINAL

ARCHITECT

Clie!" 1The !itchen seems a bit small, can you ma!e it a little bit bigger.2

A#$%i!e$!" 1' made the !itchen as large as possible given the available

space; the only way to ma!e it bigger is to ta!e some space rom

one o the rooms around it. And that is not advisable.2

Clie!" 1hat i you too! a meter rom the maid’s room+2

A#$%i!e$!" 1That might wor!; '’ll give it a try.2

PART & / A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A CLIENT AND A GOOD

ARCHITECT

Clie!" 1The !itchen seems a bit small, can you ma!e it a little bit bigger.2

A#$%i!e$!" 1' made the !itchen as large as possible given the available

space; the only way to ma!e it bigger is to ta!e some space rom

one o the rooms around it. And that is not advisable.2



Ali Al Yousif

Clie!" 1hat i you too! a meter rom the maid’s room+2

A#$%i!e$!" 1That won’t wor!, the maid’s bedroom would become too small.2

Clie!" 1' don’t mind her bedroom becoming a bit smaller, ' thin! it’s

currently too big anyway.2

A#$%i!e$!" 1The e"tra meter that will be added to the !itchen won’t have a

large e0ect on the room, since it’s already a spacious room; while

removing this meter rom the maid’s bedroom will substantially

decrease its livability. ' say we !eep things as they are, or maybe '

can ta!e the e"tra meter rom the living room.2

Clie!" 1Are you serious+3 You want to ma!e the living room smaller+ Tenants

choose which apartment to rent sometimes solely based on the si%e

o the living room, and defnitely not on the si%e o the maid’s room.2

A#$%i!e$!" 14egardless o whether that’s true or not, ma!ing the maid’s

bedroom smaller than what it currently is would ma!e it

uncomortable or human occupation, thereore architecturally

unacceptable.2

Clie!" 1' don’t care, ma!e it smaller.2

A#$%i!e$!" 1' can’t do that.2

Clie!" 1this is not a request, it’s an order. &o it or '’ll fnd someone who

will32



Ali Al Yousif

A#$%i!e$!" 1' still can’t do it.2

Clie!" 1You’re fred32

PART ' / END

The ending o any te"t is the fnal surrender o the writer, an acceptance that

his words will now be in the hands o others, and that he has no more control

over their uture. This is the ending o this te"t, and my fnal surrender. ' am

ull o hope and ull o doubt.

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Two by Two by Misery - Ali Al Yousifi