8/3/2019 Vampires vs Zombies: Who will be the Deadliest?
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For centuries there existed two iconic enemies on a ghoulish and
archaicbattlefield: the vampire and the zombie. And as sheer
happenstance wouldhave it, the two would oppose forces once again
on none other than SpikeTVs Deadliest Warrior. With battle merits
in agility, endurance, andoverall combative tactics, the two
archenemies wait on Deadliest Warrior
to crown the victor based on the data they have collected. But
arent wegetting ahead of ourselves here? Allow me to carry you into
a tale thatcunningly enough brings FUTEK into the mix of this
haunting skirmish.
Behind the woodworks of Spike TVs Deadliest Warrior lay an
esteemedgroup of engineers and analytical experts who use their
knowledge toconjure up combative scenarios between two likeminded
enemies (i.e.vampires and zombies). Through experimental studies of
weaponry, man-to-man combat, and comprehensive battle strategy,
this team allots eachcompetitor a numerical value for their
expertise in the abovementioned. Withthese numerical values, the
analytics team runs a series of simulations
leading to the answer of: Who will be the deadliest? But never
wouldFUTEK think that their industrial manufacturing company would
find itselfperforming alongside Hollywood, let alone the
possibility of vampires andzombies. But it happened, all on the
silver screen.
The matchup begins with honored veterans in both vampire and
zombieknowhow joining the Deadliest Warrior crew. After intense
debate on theskill sets these two barbaric scavengers posses, it is
settled that thepredominant tactical values should be based on: the
bite delivered by bothzombie and vampire, the brute strength of
man-to-man combat and theendurance to survive the attack. And thus,
the testing began.
(Might I mention that outside assistance will be utilized to
provide as closeto real life results for fantasy scenarios such as
this.)
To simulate the ruthless bite of a feverish zombie, Joey, a
hefty Rottweiler,was coyly provoked to attack an armor arm
oblivious to the fact that FUTEKsload cell laid amidst his trainers
arm protection. And so, with a count downof three, two, one, Joey
assaulted his padded ally. As hundreds of pounds offorce pressed
down upon the load cell, FUTEKs USB SensIT Softwaredetected Joeys
maximum force exerted to be 255 lbs. Thats quite a bite.But how
will it compare to that of Sir Dracula?
In the attempt to bring in a source seemingly comparable to that
of this apexpredator, it only seemed appropriate that another
four-legged friendsassistance be utilized. Yes, an alligator
famously known as Ripper was coinedwith a striking jaw resemblance
to that of a vampire. Unlike the tail-waggingRottweiler, Ripper
knew he was at the Deadliest Warrior facilities on officialjaw
dropping business. And thus, he didnt hold back as he delivered
1,723lbs. of force onto a 5,000 lbs. Load Button.
8/3/2019 Vampires vs Zombies: Who will be the Deadliest?
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It seems, by comparison, that this duel was an easy feat for the
fangedvampire. But there lie other avenues for the zombie to
perhaps excel in.
The combative strength of a zombie is fueled by the virus he
carries. He is
voided of any regard to danger, pain, or weakness, and simply
possesses theneed to savagely spread the virus to which he was
exposed. However,though his physical prowess may be impeccable, is
he fast enough to makean efficient kill? This very question was
answered by an assembled team ofstrong men. With the use of their
bare hands, they were timed as theyravenously dug through faux
vampire flesh, bone, and inners in the hopes ofreaching this vamps
heart. And within two minutes they did. Yet, thisretrieval was
still no match to the vampires gruesome clawed handthrashing the
skull of the zombie and puncturing the brain in less than
twoseconds time.
Now I will leave some detailing out of this rendition, hoping
that you will findyourself eager enough to manage your way into
watching this episode in itsentirety. But I will say this, FUTEK
does not consider themselves a member ofthe screen actors guild.
But Im sure they would take a small applause fortheir performance
alongside Joey, Ripper, and the Deadliest.
Written By: Natasha NiezgodaPublication Under the Name: FUTEK
Advanced Sensor Technology, Inc.
