What Every Single Men and Woman Should Know About Marriage

7/27/2019 What Every Single Men and Woman Should Know About Marriage

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MARRIAGE

What Everybody Ought to Know Before They Committo Marriage

By

Bernard R. Branson

Copyright 2013 Bernard R. Branson

All rights reserved.


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Contents

Introduction

Intention of a Marriage

Leadership and Vision

Submission and Servant hood

A Need for Maturity

Integrity and Trustworthiness

Resolving of Conflicts

Financial StatusConclusion

Introduction


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Why did I write this book? I have witnessed so many

marriage relationships of those close to me and those

around me. In all the marriage relationships I have

witnessed, the greatest percentage has similar or common

challenges. Please bear in mind that a marriage

relationship can be likened to a project. There should be

always room for growth and improvements. Nevertheless,

there are basic foundations that are required and

necessary to be understood to have a solid and strong

marriage relationship. I want you to know that you can

never do what you dont know. In as much as you desire

to do what is right, if you do not know what is right, you

will never be able to execute it. The majority of singles

approach a marriage relationship with blind eyes.

Some have never read even a single book on marriage

relationships. Others dont even know the roles of both

men and women in a marriage relationship. They have no

understanding of the emotional needs for both men and

women.

All they know is that they are feeling lonely and need

someone to show up to take away their loneliness.

Loneliness is the absence of purpose.


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I have seen women pursuing men who have no idea

where they are going with their lives. If you come into

agreement or join someone who has no clearly defineddestination, you are going nowhere fast.

Your sexual appetite should never be the pursuit for

desiring a marriage relationship. Purpose should be the

driving force. Please dont get me wrong here, sex is very

important. In fact a man cannot function without it.

Sex to a man is like gasoline to a car. It is his need. I can

prove this to you. Within the premises of a marriage

relationship, if a woman closes her legs to the husband,

the man will go and find somewhere else where they are

opened. It could be a secretary at the workplace or some

mistress in town. This then becomes dangerous. So we

understand that sex should not be a primary drive,

purpose is.

What is purpose? Purpose can be defined as the

original intent of a thing. If the original intent is not

known, abuse becomes inevitable. This book is a must

read not only for men but also women. A woman has to

have a thorough understanding of the purpose of a man.

This book has been written to challenge the men to rise

to another level of understanding in the area of marriage

relationships. Man, can I ask you a question just for a


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moment, what should make a woman to leave her family

and the environment of protection provided by her family

to follow you and call you her husband? There has to be astrong reason for a woman to do that. If I were a father, I

would never allow my daughter to leave her place of

comfort to follow a man who has not proven his

productivity or the capability of taking care of my

daughter. I would give a thorough examination of his

past, what is important to him and where is he going with

his life.

What is his focus? His vision is what will sustain him.

That is why it is so critical that a man discovers who he is

and what he is about before committing to a marriage

relationship. I hope that this book will be an eye opener to

many. To the men already in a marriage relationship, I

hope that you will be challenged to live above mediocrity

in your marriage relationship.

Intention of a Marriage


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What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how

compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.

Leo Tolstoy

It is quite intriguing that many would approach a

marriage relationship without the understanding of its

intention or purpose. If the purpose is not known, abuse

becomes inevitable.

Why is there so much divorce around the world? It has

also begun to creep into the so-called third world nations.

There is such a loud cry for help for many marriage

relationships. Something must be wrong.

There should be an ingredient that is missing. Many

attribute marriage failures to incompatibilities. It is

impossible to find a person you will ever be compatible

with. Marriage has nothing to do with compatibility; it is

about adaptability.

Many do not know what it takes to make relationships

work. A successful or good marriage relationship does not

happen by accident or chance. It requires a lot of work.


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Marriages are built. It takes some time to build. The

deeper the foundation, the stronger the marriage will be.

What is a marriage? Marriage is two people joined orcoming together to become one. It is a commitment to

meet the needs of another for life.

It involves two different people with different

backgrounds, worldviews or perspectives and

personalities. It is important that these two people share

the same or common values. Please do bear in mind that

a marriage is a process. It becomes better as you grow

together as a couple. Some people take pride that they

have been married for 20 or 30 years.

Long marriages are not the proof of happy or healthy

marriages. You could have been enduring each other for

30 years. The majority of people just endure their

spouses.

Others are afraid of going separate ways because of the

children and other commitments involved in their

relationship. A marriage relationship was not designed to

be endured. It was designed to bring joy and fulfillment.

A happy marriage relationship is possible. It comes

with a thorough preparation. Many people never take

time to prepare themselves. They just jump into it hoping

it will work out.


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Everything was designed with a purpose or intention in

the mind of the designer. A woman has a unique purpose

in a life of a man. The purpose of a marriage relationshipis not to have another who will complete you as some say,

but to share your completeness with them.

She is a helpmeet. She is not the chef of the house, as

many men know her to be. She was never designed or

made to be controlled and dominated.

Someone recently told me a very moving story that nearly

brought me to tears. The mother suffers from mental

disorder because of the husbands abuse. The husband

always beat her up.

Listen, you are not a man if you beat women. You are a

disgrace. You need help. You have a lot of insecurities.

Why would you now beat a woman that you took from the

comfort of her home to make her your wife?

You made many vows to honour, cherish and protect

her. Be a man, dont be a child. Grow up! There are lots of

good men who could have loved and protected that

woman you are abusing.

May I be frank with you? All women are made of the

same material anyway. If you think there is a woman out

there who can bring you more joy, you are mistaken.


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Now, is there a difference in people? Yes, there is a

difference in people. The difference in people is:

What they are willing to pursue. Who they have chosen to believe.

The weakness they have decided to ignore.

It is always interesting that the grass always looks

greener on the other side. You must understand that the

reason it looks greener, is because someone is putting

efforts in maintaining it.

Part of the marriage is to perfect each other. Man, you

can bring the best out of the woman that you have

decided to spend your entire life with. If you choose or

decide not to do anything, there can never be any

improvement in your relationship.

You must be ready and prepared to work in your

relationship to make it what you desire it to be. No one

can ever do this for you. It is your duty and responsibility.

You made a choice and you need to live with your choice.

I want you to know man that if you will effectively meet

the needs of your woman; you are guaranteed to have a

happy marriage relationship. Do bear in mind that the

needs of a single woman and the needs of a married

woman are not different. They are the same.


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The needs of a woman do not change when she walks

along the aisle to the altar. You must take time to educate

yourself about her needs. You do not choose or decidewhat her needs are. She came to this earth with them

packaged.

I challenge you man to start reading books that will

educate you about the needs of a woman. There is

countless number of books out there that have been

written on this subject.

If you want to lead, you must read. Leaders are readers.

You must also take time to educate yourself about your

own needs as a man. The more understanding of each

others needs the greater the chances of you having a

successful and fulfilling marriage relationship.

Leadership & Vision

A big man is one who makes us feel bigger when we are with him.

John C. Maxwell


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Helen Keller who was born blind and deaf, said, The

greatest tragedy to befall a person is to have sight but lack

vision. There are many men who travel through the

journey of life with no clear direction of their destination.

A destination not defined is the destination not

reached. I submit to you that the greatest source or root

cause of many challenges in a marriage relationship can

be attributed to a lack of vision; a lack of vision regarding

the direction of the marriage, a lack of vision regarding

money matters in a relationship, a lack of vision as to

what kind of a home you desire.

The list can go on and on. What is a vision? A vision is a

preferred picture of the future. It is a clear mental picture

of what could be. As a man, where do you see yourself in 5

years, 10 years, and 20 years from now?

What do you see yourself doing? What do you want to

do with your life? A man without a vision is a man

without a future; a man without a future will always go

back to his past.


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If you do not have a clear picture of the future, you will

always become a slave to the immediate. Where there is

no vision, the people cast off restraint. It is imperativethat your vision is written down. When you write down

your vision it forces you to clarify it.

Your vision was never meant to stay in your head. If it

is in your head, nobody knows about it. Your vision must

be written down so that those who see it should run with

it. A man of vision is unstoppable.

I challenge you to dream big. Begin to elevate the

picture of your future. If you can imagine it, you can

achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it.

No one can help you until you discover and develop

your own vision. I strongly believe that every man should

have a vision for his life before even thinking about

considering marriage.

It is not the titles behind your name that matters.

Ladies should know that the degrees are not the key

deciding factor in choosing a man that they want to spend

their entire life with.

Some men have more degrees than a thermometer.

They are degree collectors. They have no focus in mind.

Please, dont get me wrong, I love knowledge. I have a

couple of degrees. I earned them with a focus in mind and


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I am still under continuous learning. You should never

stop learning.

The moment you stop learning you stop growing. Allthe degrees BA, BB, BC, MA, MB, MC, PhD etc, without a

vision, they are of no benefit or value to your future.

Having said all this, I must say that the greatest challenge

a woman can ever have is to be around a man who is dull.

It is vital that you develop your intellectual capacity as a

man. Invest time and energy to better you. Increase the

value of your life. The woman should be proud that she

married you.

Remember that women tend to security and

significance. They find their significance from what their

husbands do. That is why they drop their second name

and take yours after marriage.

It will be worth talking briefly about leadership in a

context of a marriage relationship. An area that is so

misunderstood like nothing on the face of the earth is

leadership. Leadership is not synonymous with titles. Just

because there are people under your supervision doesnt

make you a leader.

Some even take pride that they are managing directors

of such and such corporation. Who knows, they might

just be damaging directors. Titles do not confer


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leadership. Leadership comes with such a huge

responsibility.

There is such a great void of visionary leadership in thehomes. What is leadership? There are many management

books that talk about the subject of leadership.

Management gurus have come up with various

descriptions and definitions of what leadership is. The

greatest definition of leadership I have ever come across

is that of Dr Myles Munroe.

He describes leadership as the capacity to influence or

inspire others through inspiration ignited by pursuit

generated by a passion that is produced by a vision, which

is motivated by purpose. The key to leadership

development is: purpose, vision, passion, pursuit,

inspiration and influence.

Leadership is a very crucial ingredient in any home. As

the leadership goes, so goes the home. Leadership

becomes the radar, which provides the direction towards

the vision that has been cast.

Good leadership is essential in a home. The most

crucial element in a definition of leadership is influence.

Man is never meant to control and dominate a woman.

The role of a man is to influence her. You influence her

by your lifestyle not just only your words. The woman has


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to see you walking the talk. You are supposed to be an

example to her. You are supposed to be someone that she

looks up to. A vast majority of men have abdicated theirroles as husbands in their homes. I challenge you to

become a visionary leader as a man.

Discover, develop and refine your leadership

capabilities so that you can be the best husband to your

woman in the future. The more refined you are as a man,

the better are the chances of getting a refined woman.

Remember that you were not born qualified to be the best

husband, you must become qualified.

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What Every Single Men and Woman Should Know About Marriage