When Your Child Stays Home Alone - Action foractionforchildren.org/...Chidren_When_Child_can_Stay_Home_Alone.pdf · can stay home alone. 2 When Your Child Stays Home Alone...issues

When YourChild StaysHome Alone

...issues for familieswith school-age

children

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Why?A generation ago most families didn't need ahandbook to help decide whether children shouldbe home alone. Mothers of school-age childrenwere home, or if they weren't, neighbors or anear-by family member could be called. Today,77% of Ohio mothers of school-age children workoutside the home, and the number of single-parent families has grown to one in four. Parentsalso are choosing to continue their education. Inaddition, neighborhood mothers work away fromhome and family members often live in anothercity.

Some parents allow school-age children to stayhome alone, but even after the decision is made,they worry. Is it okay? And at what age? Whatare the dangers? What are the benefits? Theanswers aren't easy. This booklet can helpparents make good choices for their children.The following questions are addressed:

• What is legal?• What do we know about children and their

needs?• Is your child ready?• Are you ready?• How can you and your child develop a plan for

self-care?Only you as the parent know your child, yourneighborhood and your own feelings, and onlyyou can make the decision whether he or shecan stay home alone.

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When Your ChildStays Home Alone...issues for families with

school-age children

Published by:

Action for Children78 Jefferson Avenue

Columbus, Ohio 43215

614-224-0222

Funded in part through the Statewide Child CareResource and Referral Grant, Ohio Departmentof Human Services.

First Edition 1987

Second Edition 1994

Third Edition 1999© Action for Children


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What do we know aboutchildren and their needs

for supervision?Studies suggest that children who are homealone may be bored, lonely and afraid. In fact,the number of children who list “being afraid” astheir first complaint has risen dramatically since1991 according to information gathered byPhoneFriend, a “warm line” operated by Actionfor Children during after-school hours. Break-insand physical violence are their majorconcerns...events supported by activities theysee in their own neighborhoods and ontelevision. Because fear can be harmful to achild’s emotional development, self-care shouldnot be regularly used for children who say theyare afraid.

Is your child ready?As your child matures, you must decide when itis appropriate for him or her to be home alone.Often this begins as a brief time when parents godown the street to talk with a neighbor, thenexpands to a longer time when parents areworking or are in school themselves.

You must evaluate your child’s readiness—physical, intellectual and social/emotionalmaturity—and apply them to your specificsituation. For example, if you’re thinking aboutleaving your child alone each day from 3:30

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What’s Legal?There’s a reason why parents are puzzled aboutthe question of when children may be left alone.It’s because the law is open to interpretation. Thelaw allows courts and social service agencies tointervene in situations where parents fail to dothis.

What is proper care and supervision? Eachparent wrestles with this question, and again,there is no absolute answer. Ordinarily, childrenin self care with good planning would not cometo the attention of authorities, but in some cases,neighbors or other concerned adults may reportsuspected neglect to the police or a childrenservices agency.

Columbus police and Franklin County ChildrenServices’ workers report that when they receivecomplaints about children left alone, theyinvestigate to determine if there is a case ofneglect. Because Ohio law does not cite aspecific age, they look carefully at the individualsituation, including:

• Age of the child• Maturity level• Time of day child is alone• Length of time• Whether an emergency arose while the parent

was away

Bor

ed

• Afraid • Lonely

Conf

ident • Secure


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rehearse situations to find out about how yourchild would react. However, this does notguarantee your child will be able to rememberand do what you practice.

Can your child assess a situation and decide ifhelp is needed? Discuss possible emergencieswith your child with concrete examples of whenand how to seek help, but be fully aware thatyour child may forget what you practiced.

Social/emotional readiness. Perhaps themost critical question to ask is how your childfeels about it. No matter what your child says,only you can make the decision as to your child’sability and readiness. Consider:

• How your child deals with angry feelings• How strong is his or her need to be with

friends• Does the child want to talk with adult or parentAt the end of a school day, often children want totalk with a parent or other adult. When your childneeds reassurance, arrange for a brief routinetelephone call with you or another adult. Thiscontact gives your child a feeling of support eventhough you are not home.

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(when school is out) until 5:30, imagine whatmight occur during this period each day andwhether your child is prepared to meet thesedemands.

Physical readiness. Can your child performtasks such as:

• Unlocking and re-locking door?• Dialing a telephone?• Opening a can or jar?Additional skills are needed if you expect yourchild to do chores like laundry or dinnerpreparation.

Intellectual readiness. Being home alonerequires some very specific thinking skills. Canyour child:

• Understand time—what it means to say thatyou will be home in half an hour?

• Take messages?• Give appropriate information over the

telephone?• Read a written note or instructions that you

have left?• Understand concepts such as “stranger” or

“emergency”?Can your child know when to open the door for aspecial delivery letter carrier? The gas or electricmeter reader? The telephone repairman? Apoliceman? Other persons? A child can not beexpected to make these decisions. Unless youare secure and sure that your child understandsyour family’s rules about strangers, always


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Are you ready?After you've thought about your child’s readinessto be home alone, consider your own feelingsand attitudes; and consider some commonissues that will affect your perceptions about self-care. For example:

• Why are you entertaining the idea of self-care?• What are your feelings about working outside

the home?• Are you comfortable with the idea of self-care

for your child?• Are you ready for your child to be more

independent?• Are you satisfied everyone is prepared for self-

care?

How can you and yourchild develop a plan of

self-care?If you've decided to try self-care with your child,you must design a plan. You can begin with afamily meeting to discuss procedures andexpectations, then continue meeting regularly toplan activities and schedules, and to evaluatehow self-care is working for your family. Here aresome issues to consider:

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As you know, your child’s social and emotionalneeds will change. As he or she matures, theidea of being able to stay home alone may bemore appealing, and your child will enjoy theprivileges and responsibilities that go withadditional freedom. You must assess your child-care arrangements.

Flexibility and continuingreassessment are the keys

to success.Anything you can do to show you are thinkingabout your child will help him or her feel morecomfortable during self-care. You can plan after-school activities with your child, prepare a smallsnack as a surprise, or mail your child a letterthat will be there at the end of the day. These aresome simple ways to let your child know you areproud of him or her for being so responsible andthat you are thinking ofhim or her, even thoughyou are away.


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Safety RulesComing home after school. Establishing aregular route and time for coming home fromschool is important. This is a basic safetyprecaution for all children, even if they’re not inself-care. Should doors and windows be locked ifno one is home? When your child arrives and thedoors are unlocked, should there be a procedureestablished to go to a neighbor’s to get help or touse the phone? Should your child not enter anunlocked house until it is checked? Should youteach your child to re-lock the door once inside?

Checking in. Establish a check-in procedure sochildren have an adult to talk with when they gethome. Phone calls provide a reassuring link andalso let parents know that children have arrivedhome safely.

Pets. Consider pets asproviders of security andcompanionship for the child whois home alone. A dog who barks

at strangers provides awarning that someone isnearby. Pets can also providecomfort to a lonely child.

Answering the door or telephone.Establishing procedures for visitors and calls isone of the most basic safety rules for childrenhome alone. Police officials agree that childrenshould never tell a stranger when they are homealone; and when someone comes to the door,the door should not be opened. Phone calls areeasier to handle. Give your child a phrase to usewhen strangers call. “I’m sorry, my parent is busyand cannot come to the phone. May I take amessage?” Rehearse with your child so he orshe is more comfortable.

Code word. Establish a simple “code word”with your child. This is important when anemergency or unexpected delay on your partoccurs and you are unable to speak directly toyour child. If the message needs to be deliveredby another adult, share the code word with thatperson. Your child knows the message is

legitimate and coming directly from you when thecode word is used.

First aid and emergencies. When you decidea child is old enough to stay home alone and hasenough skill to handle the cuts and scrapes thatinevitably occur, put together a small kit of first-

First

Aid


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aid cream, band-aids and an ice-bag. Establish aprocedure in case the injury is more severe.

Fire and tornado safety. Practice and discussroutines to help your child act calmly andsensibly if a fire occurs, including written escaperoutes. Help your child to know and recognizethe neighborhood tornado siren and where to goin the house incase of atornado warning.Flashlights andbattery-operatedradios are alsoneeded in casepower is out,helping yourchild feel moresecure (andprovide safetyinformation)when theweather is scary.

Safety people.Post a list ofnames andtelephone numbers for your child in case of anemergency or if the child needs reassurance.

Planning things to doBoredom and loneliness may be problems forchildren home alone. A little planning will helpestablish the best activities and routines for yourchild.

Play rules. Decide where, when and with whomyour child may play. Indoors? Outdoors? In his orher own yard? On the block? What about goingto a friend’s house? What about having friends atyour house? How many? What activities are “offlimits?” Naturally, the neighborhood and child’s

maturitywill help provide answers. These rules need tobe reviewed and revised as friends andsituations change.

Homework. There is also homework toconsider. Some parents expect homework to bedone in the afternoon so families have timetogether in the evenings...others want to behome to help. Decide what works for you andmake the expectations clear.

Snacks and television. Good snacks andrelaxation are things a child looks forward to aftera day at school. Decide whether your child mayuse the stove or oven, and what snacks areallowed. If you can plan snacks ahead of time, itwill help with the grocery shopping, too.Television is something you'll have troublemonitoring when you’re not home. State yourpreferences for programming and amount oftime, but don’t make rules you can’t enforce.

Other activities. When possible, makearrangements for children to participate in schoolactivities and recreation programs. This is animportant part of your child’s growth and withpre-planning these activities can relieve theboredom of a self-care arrangement. Otherfamilies have household chores expected ofolder children—laundry, dusting, feeding the pet,


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straightening their rooms. These are good after-school activities and when done well, childrendeserve an occasional reward.

Regular maintenance.If self-care is working well for you and yourfamily, keep meeting and talking. If it’s notworking well, keep meeting and talking. Plan theactivities, plan the snacks, and practice thesafety procedures. As your child grows andbecomes more responsible, rules should changeand more and more privileges given. This is partof the routine communication that makes asuccessful family—and a successful self-carearrangement.

Referral Services & Resources

• Child Care Action for Children 614/224-0222

In Delaware County:Action for Children 740/369-0649at Andrews House 740/548-0649

Publicly-Funded Child-Care InformationFranklin CountyDept. of HumanServices 614/462-3375

• Community Services FIRSTLINK 614/221-6841

• After-School Warmline PhoneFriend 614/566-4044

Additional ReadingBergstrom, Joan M. School’s Out! Afternoons,Weekends, Vacation.Berkeley CA: Ten Speed Press, 1990. Practical information and guidelines to helpplan a child’s time out of school.

© Action for Children


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When Your Child Stays Home Alone - Action foractionforchildren.org/...Chidren_When_Child_can_Stay_Home_Alone.pdf · can stay home alone. 2 When Your Child Stays Home Alone...issues