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Wonderful Wedding
Jewish News of Greater Phoenix
S8 – Wonderful Wedding/JEWISH NEWS OF GREATER PHOENIX – June 7, 2013
1625 E. Northern Ave., Suite 106, Phoenix, AZ 85020
Phone: 602-870-9470Fax: 602-870-0426
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Wonderful Wedding is a special section of Jewish News of Greater Phoenix. Ed-ited by Jennifer Goldberg, designed by Becky Globokar. For additional copies and advertising information, contact Jaime Stern, 602-870-9470.
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From its beginning in 1929, the resort was a playground for the rich and famous, but when Clark Gable and Carole Lombard honeymooned there it also became Arizona’s favorite spot for nuptials and honeymoons. More than half a century later, the Arizona Biltmore is still the state’s most popular place to say “I do.” Whether you’re planning a small, intimate affair or a grand celebration, every wedding held at the Arizona Biltmore combines a singular sense of exclusivity, time and place — with the romance of an ageless Grande Dame.
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2014 Original Jewish Community DirectoryPublishing: September 3, 2013 Deadline: June 27
AN N IVERSARY
June 7, 2013 – JEWISH NEWS OF GREATER PHOENIX/Wonderful Wedding – S9
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S10 – Wonderful Wedding/JEWISH NEWS OF GREATER PHOENIX – June 7, 2013
How about a Jewish gift?
MArilyN HAwkESStaff writer
I f you’re looking for a unique wedding gift for a Jewish couple, why not give them
something Jewish? They could prob-ably use some Shabbat candlesticks or maybe a tzedakah box. They might even need a mezuzah for the door post of their new home. To help you shop, Jewish News has rounded up a few gift ideas.
When you enter a Jewish home, many times you will see a mezuzah affixed to the door post. It’s not just a decoration, it’s a public declara-tion of Jewish faith and identity. A mezuzah contains a kosher parch-ment scroll inscribed with the first two paragraphs of the Shema, which contains these words from Deuter-onomy: “And you shall inscribe these words upon the door posts of your house and upon your gates.” Don’t worry about duplicating this gift; the couple can put a mezuzah on any door post in their house except the bathroom.
If the newlyweds plan on con-ducting Havdalah services in their home to say goodbye to Shabbat and welcome the new week, they’ll need a havdalah set, which includes a braided candle to separate light from darkness; a kiddush cup for wine; and a spice box to smell the sweetness of Shabbat.
Most of us remember the Hanuk-kah menorah we grew up with. Mine had a little ark with metal doors that opened. Why not give the new-lyweds a menorah to help them start their own tradition? And don’t forget to throw in a package of candles. There are many options, including the traditional
This woven copper mezuzah with pa-tina is available for $90 at garyrosenthal.com. Gary rosen-thal’s work is fea-tured at the Jewish Collection in Scotts- dale. Photo courtesy of Gary Rosenthal Collection
Havdalah set on triangular base by Gary rosenthal retails for $110 at garyrosenthal.com. Photo courtesy of Gary Rosenthal Collection
It’s a day you’ll never forget. Make it memorable.
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June 7, 2013 – JEWISH NEWS OF GREATER PHOENIX/Wonderful Wedding – S11
multicolored box of twisted candles or you can splurge and get some handmade beeswax candles.
A seder plate is another holiday-themed gift that can help a couple start their own traditions. Every plate holds the same ingredients, but that’s where the similarity ends. Passover plates come in all shapes, sizes and materials.
A gift of a tzedakah box is literally the gift that keeps on giving. The word tzedakah has its roots in the word, tzedek, which means justice. In Judaism, giving is an act of justice and righteousness. The tzedakah box is a tangible reminder of this important Jewish principle.
Shabbat candlesticks are a gift the newlyweds can use year-round and they just might be the kind of gift that will get passed down through the generations.
These Shabbat candle-sticks and holders, above, are hand-painted by yair Emanuel and retail on ama zon.com for around $29. A jeweled tzedakah box with blue and green flowers by karshi international can be found for $100 at amazon.com. Photos courtesy of amazon.com
This 12-inch sed-er plate, which is dishwasher- and microwave-safe, is from the Juda-ica Collection by Spode and can be found for $97 at amazon.com. Photo courtesy of amazon.
com
Gary rosenthal’s Presidential Star Menorah, which retails for $140 at garyrosenthal.com, is a copy of the menorah that was once presented to President Bill Clinton.
THE PERFECT WEDDING STARTSWITH THE PERFECT SETTING.
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Located in the heart of beautiful Gainey Ranch at one of TripAdvisor’s top-ranked Scottsdale hotels, you’ll find just what you want for your perfect day. A wedding ceremony on the Terrace Lawn, reception on the Hearth Room Patio, dinner and dancing under the stars or in the stylishly remodeled ballroom. A culinary team to create the magic you’ve always dreamed of. And Gainey Suites’ creative consultants and designers to take care of every thoughtful detail.
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S12 – Wonderful Wedding/JEWISH NEWS OF GREATER PHOENIX – June 7, 2013
Married for life
JENNiFEr GoldBErGSpecial Sections Editor
Most couples don’t walk down the aisle intending to split up someday, but the statistics don’t lie — about 40 to 50 percent of first marriages will end
in divorce. Chana Levitan, an American-born sociologist living in Jerusa-
lem, had taught on marriage for years and counseled thousands of people, and had come up with 10 questions for people to use to evaluate their relationships.
“I saw that the questions were really working,” she says, but it took the prompting of a colleague to get Levitan to turn them into a book for everyone.
“I Only Want to Get Married Once: The 10 Essential Ques-tions for Getting It Right the First Time” (Grand Central, $20 hardcover) is a slim volume packed with practical suggestions for evaluating and improving relationships at all stages — dat-ing, engaged and married.
“The book itself is a reality check,” Levitan says. If couples evaluate their relationship based on the 10 questions, and “they pass the test, they are guaran-teed that there’s a solid, healthy basis” for a relationship.
The first question is the most important: Do you share the same basic goals and values? Levitan sees relationships as an onion in which the deepest and most important layer is values.
“If you choose someone with different values, it’s going to be a lot of work,” she says.
She provides a list of values, including things like religious commitment, gratitude, com-munity service, hard work and honesty, and invites couples to determine which values they each possess individually and which values they have in com-mon.
“Endless studies have proven that value conflict is one of the most destructive elements in a relationship,” Levitan writes in the book.
If a couple’s values match up, the next most important layer is goals, whether it’s having children, starting a business or moving to Israel. The most superficial layer, interests, includes things like a shared affinity for tennis, reading or Italian food.
“People often make the mistake of thinking that if they have a few common interests and a couple of common goals, that’s enough,” Levitan writes.
The other questions are:2. Are you relating to the person you are dating or an image? 3. Can you admit that the person you are dating has faults?
Are you realistic about your own faults?4. Does your relationship have healthy boundaries?5. What do people you are close to have to say about the person
you are dating?6. Do you respect the person you are dating? Is there mutual
respect?7. Can you be open and honest with the person you are dating?
Do you trust him or her?8. How well do you get along with the person you are dating?
How is your communication?9. Does the person you are dating bring out the best in you?10. If the person you are dating never changes, would you still
want to get married?Each question is its own chapter, with examples and advice
pulled from Levitan’s years of counseling experience.Though the book provides a lot of advice for people trying to
evaluate a dating partner in the beginning stages of a relation-ship, Levitan says she also has a lot of engaged couples use the 10 questions as well.
“I’ve had a lot of engaged couples come to me and make sure they’re doing everything right. [The questions are] a very good
Chana levitan
From engagement to reception
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guide. In terms of engaged couples, it can work as a very good checklist, but they have to know that things will come up and they’re going to have to deal with them. It takes a certain amount of honesty and courage.”
She also says that married couples can use the book to “fine-tune” their relationship.
It’s “an excellent tool to check and see how you’re doing, and it provides so much practical information on how to work on each of these things.”
The final chapter of the book, “The Case for Marriage,” is “the most important chap-ter,” Levitan says, “because it’s talking about our ability to take control into our hands and make things work.”
“Love is a choice,” she writes. “No matter how great your ini-tial connection is with some-one, those feelings will never just continue if you don’t even-tually choose loving actions.”
Levitan says that in general, all people struggle with simi-lar things in relationships, but that “my main intention in writing the book was that people should be able to trust their ability to love, to choose right and to make it work.
“Marriage is not about find-ing the right person — it’s about being the right person, and being the right person has to do with choosing love, because if we don’t choose love — which means acting lovingly, giving, supporting, encouraging — then the love is going to die.”
For more information, visit chanalevitan.com.
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S14 – Wonderful Wedding/JEWISH NEWS OF GREATER PHOENIX – June 7, 2013
Jewish by designHenna ceremonies have not faded from Mizrahi tradition
EriCA MorriSEditorial intern
W hat does a small ink-producing flowering plant have to do with Jewish culture? A whole lot, actually.
For Mizrahi Jews (Jews of Middle Eastern, North African and Asian descent), the henna ceremony is an essential part of the wedding festivities. It is a celebration with family, the closest of friends, and neighbors, filled with dancing, music, food and at its climax, the adornment of bride and groom with henna.
In “The Everything Jewish Wedding Book,” Rabbi Hyim Shafner relates that the word henna might be connected to the Hebrew word chen, which means grace or charm.
Jacky Sebag, a member of Ahavas Torah in Scottsdale, explains the centrality of the henna ceremony in Moroccan weddings: “You’re not going to hear about the Moroccan wedding without the henna. It’s not going to happen. It’s a must.”
Everything about the ceremony is beautiful, from the presentation of traditional Moroccan foods carried to the bride and groom sitting beneath a canopy by a long line of women holding the plat-ters above their heads, to the music and hand-sewn costumes. According to Sebag, “Some of the dresses that the bride uses for the henna are saved for gen-erations and generations. They are special hand-made dresses not worn for any other occasion.”
Sebag remembers the heavy preparations for his daughter’s henna.
“We cooked for weeks! Part of the community was invited. Everybody came in kaftans [traditional Mo-roccan gowns]. The whole environment was like in Morocco. And we made a beautiful throne — special chairs — for the both of them [the bride and groom].”
In Moroccan henna, the parents give their gifts and presents of jewelry to the bride at the same moment that the henna is being put on. After the bride and groom are hennaed, henna is put on every attendant.
Henna, a plant that produces a reddish-brown stain, has been used by the Mizrahi Jewish community for thousands of years to mark lifecycle events, such as weddings. Photo courtesy of Noam Sienna
“This is the pinnacle of the ceremony,” explains Sebag. “Each person gets henna on the palm of his hand.”
Although many traditional designs have been lost through time and an initial desire to assimilate into the largely Ashkenazic (and therefore, European) population of Is-rael as Mizrahi Jews made aliyah, the hen-na traditions of the Moroccan and Yemenite Jewish communities in particular remain strong. Today, a modified henna ceremony is gaining popularity in Israel even beyond the Mizrahi community.
For Tali Gross, a Hebrew teacher at Pardes Jewish Day School, participating in the henna ceremony was an important way to connect with her Yemenite heritage. Even before she was married, Gross was excited about showing her future children pictures from the ceremony, “I’m very proud of my roots, and it was one way to show where I’m coming from and the beautiful and rich tradition that my ancestors had.”
After being dressed in a special room, the bride and groom begin a parade through the house surrounded by family and neighbors carrying candles and flowers. Throughout the whole ceremony the dancing never stops and traditional Yemenite music — singing and drums — plays. After the bride and groom are hennaed, Gross explains, each guest is allowed to adorn him or herself with henna in exchange for a gift to the couple. This custom varies from community to community even within the Yemenite tradition.
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Orit Feinberg, the art teacher at Pardes Jewish Day School, recalls blessings in place of gifts at her henna ceremony in 1986, “I still remember the beautiful things people said. It brought everyone together.” For her, the henna ceremony was even “more personal than the wedding.”
“Looking back,” she says, “I’m very happy I had it. Everybody came together. It was very sincere. It wasn’t about the food or the decorations. It really was about the groom and the bride.”
Mentioned several times in the Song of Songs (a beautiful and erotic poem attributed to King Solomon describing the love between God and the Jewish people), the henna plant has held a place in Jewish culture for thousands of years, although no one quite knows exactly why. Noam Sienna, a graduate student at the University of Toronto’s Department of Religion researching Jewish henna traditions, describes in an email a potential reason henna is used in Jewish wedding preparations:
“Part of why henna appears at passage ceremonies, I think, is because of its own transformation: how it changes from a green plant to a red stain and then fades away. Watching henna stain and fade [on] your skin, you are essentially watching yourself travel through time; and just like the passage of time, it can neither be rushed nor slowed. Once it’s stained, you can’t wash it off or remove it no matter how much you want to [henna stains can last from as little as a few days to a month with proper care], but on the other hand, no matter how much you want it to stay, it will eventually fade. So it is the perfect symbol for how we are ourselves transformed as we pass significant milestones, and learn to celebrate being in the moment, and then let it go.”
For more information about henna ceremonies, visit Noam Sienna’s website, www.hennabysienna.com.
orit and Mark Feinberg of Scottsdale had their henna cer-emony in israel, days before their 1986 wedding. orit is wearing a traditional yemenite headdress worn only for this special occasion. Photo courtesy of Orit Feinberg
Steven Ziegler and Arielle duve-Berghammer of Sierra Vista had a Moroccan henna ceremony in 2012. The cel-ebration took place in the home of Arielle’s grandmother, Jacqueline Jackson. Photo courtesy of Jacky Sebag
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JOB #: 6447-6_TSR_PIS_PhxJwshNws · Client: Talking Stick Resort · Agency: RIESTER · Trim: 5.75" x 5.33" · Color: BWPub: Phoenix Jewish News · Insertion Date: 06/07/13 · Contact: Bill Robbins · [email protected]
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S16 – Wonderful Wedding/JEWISH NEWS OF GREATER PHOENIX – June 7, 2013
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