WordPlay Cafe Kids' Game

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A Note to the AfflictedFrom the first emails to the last piece of this wordplay puzzle (this

dedication), I’ve watched my friends and colleagues become infectedwith this verbal disease I have, the disease of wordplay. It’s everywhere,affects everyone, and always leaves its victims changed (for the better!).Here are some casualties:

Many thanks to Susan Williamson, Kara Pekar, and especially EmilyStetson for their keen eyes and open minds, as well as their innateability to make sense of this mess. My heart and medicine go out to my friend Joseph Lee for all he’s put up with while designing thisfabulous book (I owe you one, but you know that). To my boys, Steveand Jon, who rank among the top Dominoes on Broadway players onthe planet and who inspire me constantly. And Baxter, I’ll play with youin a minute if you’ll just let me finish this. Last, but by far not least, to my wonderful wife, Vickie, who has the unenviable job of noddingin agreement and saying, “Yes, dear. That is very funny” whenever Ichance to level another pun at her. I love you bunny.

AcknowledgmentsThe author wishes to thank the following for their contributions toWORDPLAY CAFÉ, whether through inspiration or careful notation: Will Shortz, Richard Lederer, Philip Furia, Bob Levey, Dave Morice,Anu Garg, Wiley Miller, and (posthumously) George Herriman.

Text and illustrations copyright © 2005 by Michael Kline

All rights reserved.

No portion of this book may be reproduced mechanically, electronically,or by any other means including photocopying or on the Internet withoutwritten permission of the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Kline, Michael P.WordPlay café : cool codes, priceless punzles & phantastic phonetic

phun / written and illustrated by Michael Kline.p. cm.

“A Williamson kids can! book.”Includes index.ISBN 0-8249-6753-4 (softcover)ISBN 0-8249-6773-9 (hardcover)

1. Word games. I. Title.GV1507.W8K54 2005793.73’4—dc22

2005002761

Kids Can! ® series editor: Susan WilliamsonProject editor: Emily StetsonInterior design: Joseph Lee Illustrations: Michael KlineCover design and illustration: Michael Kline

Printed and bound in Italy by LEGO

Published by Williamson BooksAn imprint of Ideals PublicationsA division of Guideposts535 Metroplex Drive, Suite 250Nashville, Tennessee 37211800-586-2572

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Kids Can! ®, Little Hands®, Quick Starts for Kids!®, KaleidoscopeKids®, and Tales Alive!® are registered trademarks of IdealsPublications, a division of Guideposts.

Good Times Books™, Little Hands Story Corners™, and Quick StartsTips™ are trademarks of Ideals Publications, a division ofGuideposts.

Notice: The information contained in this book is true, complete,and accurate to the best of our knowledge. All recommendationsand suggestions are made without any guarantees on the part of theauthor or Ideals Publications. The author and publisher disclaim allliability incurred in conjunction with the use of this information.

Credits & permissions: page 19: “How Language Began: 5 Theories,” Kids Discover (Vol. 10, Issue 3), www.kidsdiscover.com; pages 20and 22: Permission is granted by Williamson Books to use language origin word roots previously published in Ancient Greece! and AncientRome!; page 23: American playwright George Bernard Shaw coined the term “ghoti fillets” to demonstrate the difficulty of the English lan-guage; page 29: Scrabble and Monopoly are registered trademarks of Hasbro, Inc.; page 32: “A man, a plan, a canal: Panama” was writtenby Leigh Mercer, and is considered by many authorities to be one of the finest palindromes ever written; page 36: Thanks to Sam Taggarand Susan Williamson for their rendition of this game in Great Games! (Williamson Books); pages 38-39: Balderdash is a registered trade-mark of Gameworks Creations, Inc.; page 42: “The Night Before Christmas” (or “Account of a Visit from St. Nicholas”); page 47:“Jabberwocky,” from Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There by Lewis Carroll (London: Macmillan and Co., 1872); page51: NON-SEQUITUR © 2003 Wiley Miller. Dist. By UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE. Reprinted with permission. All rights reserved.; Krazy Kat image, 1918 (public domain); page 78: “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General,” from Gilbert and Sullivan’s operettaThe Pirates of Penzance, which premiered December 31, 1879, in New York; page 99: photigue neologism contributed by Jennifer Lutz andpublished in the May 2000 online column (www.fun-with-words.com/neologisms_competition.html); page 119: Thanks to Amanda Hargisand her mnemonics website (Amanda’s Mnemonics Page, http://users.frii.com/geomanda/mnemonics.html).


ARE YOU HUNGRY? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5Who Is This Guy? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6The Rules You Do & Don’t Need to Follow

(& other daily specials) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7Conjugate Two Verbs & Call Me in the Morning

(a word or two on word indigestion) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8Play with Your Food! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

Chapter WonWORD NUTRITION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12A Brief History (& not a story about underwear) . . . . . . . . . . 1326 Main Ingredients (a.k.a. the alphabet). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14Why Words? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15Wordless Waffles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16Word Power Pizza. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17Slanguage Slaw . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18How Language Began: Five Theories. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19Orange Origin Juice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 Play Greektionary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22Panfried Problems (ghoti fillets) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23Spelling Bee Brownies (or what the buzz is all about) . . . . . . 24

Chapter TooCOMFORT FOOD: A BITE OF TRADITIONAL WORD GAMES . . . . . . 27Wall-Nut Words . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28Add a Gram of Anagrams . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30Palindrome Potluck . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32Acrostic Appetizers. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34

Word Lightning Lemonade . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35A My Name Is Alice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36Hangman Hash . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37Add a Dash of Balderdash! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38Word Square Snack . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40

Chapter FreeDINNER FOR ONE: SINGLE-SERVING SYLLABLE SILLINESS. . . . . . 41Homonym Grits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42Verbal Tea (& other code remedies) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44Code Talkers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45Smervitz & Gatoosh (serve up your own words!) . . . . . . . . . 46Jabberwock Soup Stock . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47Cook Up Your Own Language . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48Tolkien Talk & Klingon Chatter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49Spaced-Out Spread . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50Famous Misspeller Mush . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51Spell the Beans! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52Crepes of Wrath (words baked in words) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54Kangaroo Word Waffles. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55Get Out of the Kitchen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56Film Flambé (movie title acronym madness) . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58Synonym Rolls (or why Mother Goose is upset with me) . . . 59High-Carb Word Pop-Ups . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60Low-F@ Symbol S&wich . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61License Pl8 Pie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62Mirror Word Macaroni & Cheese (& how it reflects on you) . 63Finely Chop One Newspaper Page … . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64Remote-Control Coleslaw . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65Portrait Pickles (jar your friends) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66

Contents


Undergrounder Upside-Down Cake . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67Tabloid Turkey Tapioca (a.k.a. headline herrings) . . . . . . . . . . 68 Zeugma Zest . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69A Pair of Paradox Pears . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70Jigsaw Jam. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72

Chapter ForeDEEP-FRIED DICTION FOR TWO (OR MORE!) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73Soda Pop Swap . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 74Knock, Knockwurst (hot dog!). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75Pun-ishing Prune Pastry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76 Tongue Twister Taffy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 78Baxter Borscht (it’s hard to beet!). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80Initial Ingredients (who will win?). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81Book Bag Barbecue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82Bizz Buzz Biscuits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83Limerick Lasagna . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84Word Chain Casserole . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86Liar, Liar, Pans on Fire (20 questions with a twist) . . . . . . . . . 87Cooking School Recess . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88Ad Slogan Swap Slop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 90Do the Ads Have Your Attention? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91Refried Reverse Writing (& reading). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92Oxymoron Tail Soup . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93Reversed Spelling Bee Brownies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94 Brain Bran with Rotated Reading Relish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96How Do You Really See Words? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97Nutty Neologisms. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98Spoonerisms You Can Eat with a Fork . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 100Nifty Swifty Stew (for Toms and Sarahs). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102

You-Don’t-Say Buffet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 104Pigs-Latin in a Blanket . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105Hink-Pink Think Drink. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 106

Chapter 5ivePC PANCAKES: WORD GAMES WITH A COMPUTER. . . . . . . . . . . 107Computer Cabbage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108Salt & Pepper Search Engines (the basics) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 109Enter Internet Ingredients . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 110Translation Toast . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112Online Word Game Goulash . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 113Typo Tea & Biscuits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 114Pun-Hunting Punch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 116

Chapter SicksPUT WORDS TO WORK IN YOUR KITCHEN . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 117Mnemonic Nutrition . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 118Phonetic Alphabet Soup . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 120Whip Up Your Imagination!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121

ResourcesThesauri, Dictionaries, Idioms, Word Origins Books, SlangDictionaries & Other Cookbooks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .123

Ant Sirs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 124

N Decks. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 125

Contents (continued)


Are You Hungry? 5

All of us at the WORDPLAY CAFÉ

want to welcome you. Here youwill find food of every kind:

soups and stews, pastries and pies,cookies and casseroles. Sound familiar?You many think so, but wait! The mealswe serve are Food for the Brain!

By now you’re probably asking,“What is this guy talking about?” Theanswer is quite simple. There is an oldproverb, or saying, that goes somethinglike this: “If you give a person a fish,you will feed him for a day. But if youteach a person how to fish, you will feed

her for the rest of her life.” And that isexactly what this book is about. You’llfind no crossword puzzles here for youto fill in and no word searches to circle.In short, there should be no reason foryou to take a pencil (or an eraser, forthat matter) to this book anywhere.

A Menu for Me ’N’ UWhat you will find in this book are

instructions, or “recipes,” as I like tocall them, that will show you not only

ARE YOU HUNGRY?

how to play word games but how tomake up word games of your own aswell. Yikes! Sound like school? Nah,don’t worry. It’s way more fun thanthat.

I will teach you games that you canplay many different times, in many dif-ferent ways, with many different wordsand with many friends for many years.

So if you’re hungry and you want tohave some fun (not to mention impressa few friends), just grab your oven mitts,dust off your soup ladle, and let’s getcooking, at the WORDPLAY CAFÉ!


Who This Guy?

6

Boy, that’s a good question. Well,for starters, my name is MichaelKline and I’ve been illustrating

Williamson books for about 10 years.Some of my “hyper-doodling” appearsin Kids Discover magazine as well, arelationship that has spanned (so far)nearly 14 years.

I live and work in Wichita, Kansas,but largely because of the Internet, I am able to work with publishers allover the country. Pretty cool, eh? Butwhy did I choose to write and illustrate a book on wordplay?

It’s because I am a wordplay freak!There’s really no other way to put it. Iam fascinated by the way that wordswork, the way they don’t work some-times, the manner in which they fittogether, their relationships with oneanother, and above all, the way theysound!

Wherever I go, whatever I’m doing —watching TV, playing dominoes withfriends, or whatever — I am always lis-tening. I’m listening for those timeswhen words don’t always do whatthey’re supposed to do. And I am here(hear?) to encourage you to do thesame.

Ear We Go!I could go on and on about how

important it is to have a good vocabu-lary, how invaluable good grammar is,or why you should know how to spellcorrectly. Teachers and parents couldtalk for days (and sometimes do!) onproper sentence structure and writingskills. But as far as wordplay goes, thereis one thing you need more than any-

thing else. This one thing (well, two,really) will guide you further into theworld of noun-trouncing than you couldever imagine. Know what it is?

It’s what keeps your glasses up, pre-vents your hat from falling downaround your head, and gives you a placeto hang your headphones. Of course, it’syour ears!

What Did He Say?Nearly every person who ever flung a

phrase or penned a pun will tell youthat the most important tool to have inyour wordplay cupboard is a good setof ears. Why? Because most wordplayoriginates from listening to things thatpeople say (and write). Just listen. Listenwith your phonetic radar turned toHIGH! And if you hear (or read) some-thing funny, write it down. With a little“kitchen” practice, you, too, can start tohave a sense of how wordplay worksand how much fun it can be.

Oh, and about my spelling: You maycome across what appear at first glanceto be misspelled words in this book.


Are You Hungry? 7

Trust me, no words that I use are acci-dents. If I spell something a little differ-ently than you are used to seeing it, Ihave a good reason for doing so (even ifthat reason is “just for the fun of it”).

Also, you need to know that I am notalone in this effort.

I am often in the company of my catBaxter (okay, my wife’s cat). He comesinto my office on a regular basis, checksup on what I am doing, offers anyadvice that he feels is needed, then pro-ceeds to stretch out in the closest patchof sunlight.

I think he does this to remind me ofhis consultation-only status. He is a catand I am merely a human. At any rate, Ihave chosen to let him speak on a vari-ety of subjects, as you will see.

The Rules You Do & Don’tNeed to Follow

(& other daily specials)

W henever you go into arestaurant, there’s usually

a sign on the door that sayssomething like No Shoes, NoShirt, No Service. Well, this is arule, and there is a reason for it.Your local health department istrying to watch out for yoursafety and the safety of others.

Seeing as how the WORDPLAY

CAFÉ is in the business ofpreparing food, we have somerules, too, as follows:

Never, never, ever use words

that would cause anyone harm

or that would make fun of

someone. Words were inventedto open communicationbetween people, not to shut itdown.

There is absolutely no place

for foul language or swear

words at the WORDPLAY CAFÉ, nomatter what you might hear on

the playground or on TV.People who use offensivelanguage are doing so becausethey are not smart enough toget their points across anyother way, so they are takingthe easy way out and going forthe “shock” value of a word.Don’t you fall into that trap.

Ask questions! Whenever Ivisit schools and talk to kidsabout wordplay and art, Ialways try to sneak in a wordthat no one knows. After a fewseconds, I ask someone whatthat word meant, and rarelydoes anyone have the correctanswer. So I say, “Why didn’tyou stop me and ask what thatword meant?” If there’s everanything you don’t understand,take the time to ask thequestion.


8

We all use words. Whether wethink them, say them, seethem, or write them, words

are a very important part of how wecommunicate.

We sing them and shout them, andsometimes actions speak louder thanthey do. Sometimes we’re at a loss forthem and they are beyond us. We havethem with someone, and they stick inour mouths.

Every now and then we’ll get them inedgewise, and sometimes we may evengo back on them, but above everythingelse, we use them.

Take a Word from MeMy best friends know that I love

words and wordplay. But I have onerule that I live by, over anything else:

Nobody is a bigger fool than I am.

I make mistakes all of the time. Screwup, mess up, goof up; whatever youwant to call it, I’m usually in the middleof it. I never take things very seriously,and without fail, the first person I laughat is me!

I would ask that as you experimentwith playing with words as I have hereat the WORDPLAY CAFÉ, keep my atti-tude in mind. It will be your choice tochoose and use words in ways that arefun as well as expressive, but do so withcare, keeping in mind the rules on page7. If people around you know that youhave only good intentions with word-play, they’ll join in, too!

Happy cooking!

Conjugate Two Verbs & Call Me in the Morning (a word or two on word indigestion)


Are You Hungry? 9

Okay, now that we’ve gone over the basic rules for theWORDPLAY CAFÉ, let’s spend

a few minutes on the rules that youdon’t have to follow.

When I talk about a game and how itis played, I am giving you guidelines asto how the game could be played. Buthonestly, most wordplay has come frompeople who ignore the rules and haveextraordinary eyesight. You may see abetter way to play the game or you maysee how some words relate to others inways not yet thought of.

Wordplay is a rather dynamic pastime,one that changes all the time. There are

now many websitesdevoted to wordplayand word games, andpeople are alwaysthinking up new waysto play with their

words. I want to encourage you to dothe same. Here at the WORDPLAY CAFÉ,we want you to play with your food!

Huh?Is the author a few sandwiches short

of a picnic? Did he just suggest playingwith your food? You bet! Except in this

case, your food is words. Twist words,turn them, flip them and flop them,rearrange them, and whip them into afrenzy! In short, look at words in waysyou’ve never done before. If your wordsrefuse to move, then move yourself, asin standing on your head, for instance.

Take a look at my recipes for eachgame, give them a try, and then perhapsbe thinking about another way to playthem. Who knows? In five or ten years,you may be writing your own book ofwordplay recipes!

Which brings us to …

Play with Your Food!

THE RECIPESWith most games at the WORDPLAY

CAFÉ, you’ll see a recipe that includes alist of ingredients and a short descrip-tion on how the game is prepared. I’llalso list how many each recipe “serves,”plus how much skill is required, indi-cated by the oven temperature setting:LOW, MEDIUM, or HIGH.

Some recipes include CHEF’S TIPS

for explaining variations or helpfulpointers. If you can think of a betterway to play, simply add your owningredients, serving suggestions, andtemperature setting.

UNFORTUNATE COOKIESThese will pop up from

time to time because I havejust thought of a word thatsounds like, or means,something else. Like fortunecookies, they dispense bitsof “wisdom.”Unfortunately, they arecompletely made up.UNFORTUNATE COOKIES are aperfect example of playingwith your food. First I’llgive the word, then mymade-up definition.

If you can think of anyUNFORTUNATE COOKIES, byall means write them down!

understudy: why you get yelled at in school.

stopwatch:w

hen a person stares at a red light.


10

Every now and then I will ask you tostop and ponder a certain question, orI’ll give you a definition for a word orterm, or maybe I’ll just relate someinteresting word history. I call it BRAIN

CANDY because it’s food for thought,just in case your bucket of gray mattermissed breakfast this morning!

BAXTER SAYS WHAT?Actually, my cat Baxter never says

anything except for meow, which canmean “I’m hungry,” “I’m hungry,” or“I’m hungry.” But sometimes, just bythe look in his eyes, I know he’s tryingto tell me other things. He is only acasual observer in my office, but his dis-tance from anything that even resembleswork gives him wisdom well beyond hisactual height.

Occasionally, I will let him have hissay in this book, because some of hisinsights make sense; that is, if I amtranslating them correctly.

KEYWORD KABOBSA lot of kids use the Internet to look

up things for fun and for homework.Instead of giving you website addressesthat often change over time, I’m givingyou some keywords to use with a searchengine. That’s not a real engine, butrather a website or program that

heteronym, homograph,

homonym, homophone

searches a database of information and reports the most meaningful results.See page 109 for more fun with searchengines, plus some very important rulesto follow when you add Internetingredients!

All good chefs taste theirfood before giving it tosomeone else to eat, and forgood reason! It’s a way to check theflavor of something while it’s on thestove. I’m going to ask you to check my cooking, too.

Look for the TASTE TEST icon everynow and then with questions like “Canyou find two palindromes in the poemon this page?” (You’ll find the answersto these puzzlers printed on page 124, if you need them.)

Baxter Says:What inspires you? When you havea lot of homework to do, is there afavorite place that you can workwithout being disturbed? Is there afavorite kind of music that you liketo listen to?

Take the advice of someone whohas worked at home (okay, watchedmy human work) for many years:When you have a lot of work to do,be nice to yourself. Find a comfort-able, well-lit place (make sure all ofthe materials you need are withineasy reach) with perhaps juice, milk,or some kind of refreshment nearby,and put on some good (not distract-ing) music. Then, dive into yourwork. Trust me, it will go muchfaster than you can imagine, and theresults will be spectacular!


Are You Hungry? 11

NOODLE BOOKWhat? A Noodle Book? Have birds

been building a nest in the author’ssatellite dish? Quite likely (as my momwould say), but that’s another book! I’dlike you to consider finding and usingsome kind of journal, book, log, ordiary to help you remember some ofthose fantastic word games you’re goingto come up with. I refer to mine as aNOODLE BOOK (noodle as in my“brain”), and I have several.

Why write your ideas down? If you’reanything like me, you’ll tend to forgetthings in five minutes, so a NOODLE

BOOK helps to keep track of yourthoughts. Maybe it will help to keepyour noodle from roaming off (NoodlesRomanoff!). And just for the fun of it,be sure to doodle in your NOODLE

BOOK, too!

PUNZLES®?As I mentioned earlier, it’s a lot of fun

to sit around and listen to the thingspeople say. When I do, I listen for whatpeople are saying phonetically. That is,when I hear someone use the wordchalkboard, of course I know what ismeant, but what I hear is “chalk bored.”Then I ask myself, “Why is the chalkbored? Isn’t there anything to do?”

Out of this unusual manner of listen-ing to people, I began to createPUNZLES®, short for “pun puzzles.”Instead of a pun being spoken or writtenout as a joke, I thought it would bemore fun to draw a pun, and then letthe viewer try to guess the familiar-sounding word or phrase that the imagerepresents.

I began doing pun puzzles just for myown amusement, but when I showedthem at schools, kids really got a kickout of them. So I began to draw themfor magazines, and even turned a fewinto electronic greeting cards!

Try This!To play PUNZLES® is simple. Just look

at what’s going on in the picture, startsaying some keywords to yourself overand over, and after a while the phrase orword will come to you. If you need

help, you’ll find the answer printedsomewhere else, most likely upsidedown or backward (I don’t want tomake it too easy).

If you read the answer and groan, orif you show the PUNZLES® to someoneelse and they say, “Oh, that is reallybad!”, then congratulations! You’ve juststumbled on the number one reason topun. In short, the best puns are usuallythe worst (or should I say “wurst”!).

Above all else, have fun! And remem-ber to keep those ears open.

PUNZLES®answer: Your wurst (as in”knockwurst“) nightmare!


From Aardvark to Zoologist,

We find words everywhere,

In planes, on plains, and when it rains,

And even in our hair!

With alphabets and origins

And history to spare,

We’ll sling some slang and fling a phrase,

So Know-It-Alls, beware!

Chapter Won

WORD NUTRITION001

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Word Nutrition 13

Words have been around for along, long time. More than5,000 years ago people in

ancient Mesopotamia (where the MiddleEast is today) kept records by carvingsmall symbols into flat, wet clay tablets.And the origins of that writing may goback thousands of years earlier, whenpeople made different shapes and sym-bols on clay tokens to keep track ofwhat they were trading.

Since then, humans have tried to com-municate by carving symbols on bonesand stones, by painting on leaves andpapyrus (a material made by the ancientEgyptians from a water plant), by writ-ing on paper, and eventually by typingwords into a word processor and watch-ing them magically appear on a com-puter screen, just as you do when youemail your friends. Pretty cool, isn’t it, given all that history? (Whew! Writing

really is an antediluvian art!)Today there are about 5 billion people

(around 85 percent of the earth’spopulation) who can read and write.Are you one of those? Oh, I guess youare, or you wouldn’t be reading this,would you?

Can you find a word onthis page that means“ancient”? (Answer onpage 124.)hieroglyph, ideograph,

morpheme, paleography,

phonemes, pictograph,

runes, syllabary

Words: A Brief History(& not a story about underwear)


14

Think for a moment abouthow many ways words impactyour life every day. Withoutwords, would you know whenand where you are beingpicked up at school today?

What about famous wordsand phrases used throughouthistory, such as the “I Have aDream” speech of Dr. MartinLuther King Jr. or PresidentJohn F. Kennedy’s famouswords “Ask not what yourcountry can do for you; askwhat you can do for yourcountry.”

Or even something as sim-ple and entertaining as thewords and rhymes from TheCat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss?What about two of the mostimportant words you’ll likelyever hear: yes and no?

26 Main Ingredients(a.k.a. the alphabet)

Did you ever stop to think thatevery letter in the alphabet isactually like a little sign, telling

you where to go, what to do next? Each letter has its own specific place,

its own sound, and its own special char-acteristics. Even though the typefacemay change (like this), a letter has thesame purpose: to make words.

Imagine having 26 very good friends.They will play with you as long as youwant, they can produce hilarious results,and they never get tired. If you add 10

Check out LICENSE PL8 PIE (page 62), PORTRAIT PICKLES (page 66), and INITIAL INGREDIENTS (page 81), for more alphabet fun.

numbers to that equation (which isoften handy), you have 36 great bud-dies. And hey, let’s not leave out thepunctuation pals! They can be a greatsource of inspiration and fun, too.

You may be surprised to learn thatmost pocket dictionaries list more than40,000 words, and some of the schol-arly dictionaries boast over 470,000!And those are just the English languagedictionaries. You can’t tell me thatthere’s nothing to do with that manypossibilities!

Baxter Says:Aliens listening in on Mother Earthmight be confused by the more than6,000 languages in use today!


Word Nutrition 15

Why Words?

This may sound like a no-brainer,but have you ever tried to buy amovie ticket without using

words? How about answering a ques-tion? It may be easy for the yes and noanswers, but try to give three examplesof a chemical reaction or explaindifferent kinds of clouds, without theuse of words.

Let’s face it, words are very importantto know! In many cultures, your overallintelligence is based largely on the num-ber of words in your vocabulary. I hateto nitpick here, but how many words doyou suppose are in your vocabulary? Ifyou really want to know, begin with the

letter A and write down all the A wordsyou can think of while your friends dothe same. (No fair just adding an S oradding ING or similar endings. Eachword has to be different!) Then count’em up and see who makes the A-List!

Signed, Sealed, and DeliveredEven people without the ability to

speak or to hear have a large vocabu-lary. American Sign Language (ASL) is avisual-spatial language of the deaf orhearing impaired that consists of notonly the 26 letters of the alphabet, butmore than 1,200 unique terms as well.Signing Exact English (SEE), which is

closer to the actual English language,has more than 4,520 different illustra-tions, with a total word potential ofabout 60,000 words!

When people who can hear tradewords, they use inflections, or stresseson a certain syllable of a word. Thehearing impaired also stress certainwords or phrases, by raising or furrow-ing their eyebrows.

The word nitpicker origi-nally meant someone whopicked the tiny eggs of lice(nits) from someone’s hair!Today, it is used to describesomeone who looks for andfinds small errors! Are youa nitpicker?

ASL, body language,

gesticulation, kinesics, mime,

pantomime, sign language

account:what a Dracula is.


16

Wordless WafflesSome people tend to take the ability

to speak for granted, especiallythose who shout or use four-letter

words (a no-no, as I know you know).But you can whip up something fun anddelicious without using any words at all!

Let’s Cook! Make a list of 10 common phrases

that you would use on a daily basis,such as What time will dinner be ready?or Do I have to go to school? or per-haps I’m all done with my homework.Can I go out and play? Ask an adult tobe the judge, and then take turns trying

to convey your message to anotherperson without speaking or writing. You can use your hands or facialexpressions, point to objects, doanything except make noise.

Keep track of who “wins” the mostphrases. You can even award a CharlieChaplin Award, named for the famousactor in silent movies, to the bestWORDLESS WAFFLES act!

Recipeserves: 2 or more players

ingredients:

• Pencil and paper

decline: de person dat draws de pictures in dis book.


Word Nutrition 17

forever. But, yes, words can leave a realsting. People have had their feelingshurt, have gone to prison, and have suf-fered terribly, all because of words theyused or words others used against them.Words have built nations and destroyedthem. Wars have even begun overwords.

Today, many companies operatearound what is called a mission state-ment, which is simply the principles,purposes, and objectives of the organiza-

tion that are written down. Putting theideas in writing, with words, helpseveryone involved better understandwhat the organization hopes to accom-plish. Isn’t it amazing how individualwords, when put together, can be sopowerful?

Let’s Cook! Create a mission statement, or a per-

sonal Bill of Rights. Think about howyou think things should be, not only foryourself, but for friends and familymembers as well. Or try writing one fora club you belong to. Make your WORD

POWER PIZZA a group effort, just theway every slice of pizza contributes tomake a whole pizza pie!

Forget that playground chant“Sticks and stones will break mybones, but words can never hurt

me.” Words can be very powerfulthings! The entire country of the UnitedStates (as well as many others) has oper-ated for many years based on words —the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, theDeclaration of Independence, to name afew. Words have brought comfort andlaughter to many people, too. Wordshave even made some people famous

Word Power Pizza Recipeserves: 1 player, but even better with more!ingredients:• Pencil and paper or Noodle Book

pungent: a man who enjoys wordplay.


18

Slanguage Slaw

Clown around, carry on, horsearound, mess around, let loose,kick up your heels, cut up, strut

your stuff, ham it up, whoop it up, andgo on a tear!

Notice anything familiar? All of thesephrases are perfectly acceptable slangfor the word play. Slang (or slanguage)is a language that is often used in casualor playful speech in place of regularwords, usually to achieve a specialeffect.

When I was younger, my mom hadthe thankless job of driving me every-where (sound familiar?). I was always ina hurry, but instead of just asking mymom to drive a little faster, I would useslang such as “Put the pedal to themetal, Mom!” or “Shake a leg, Mom!”or “Drop the hammer, Mom!”

Am I There Yet?Of course, none of these verbal

encouragements ever got me anywhereany faster. They did get me stern looksfrom my mother, though. So if youchoose to use slang, use it wisely!

It may take some time to recognizeslang, but when you get used to pickingit out, you’ll start to hear it everywhere!

cockney, colloquialism, jargon,

jive, lingo, neologism, patois,

pidgin, reduplicatives,

slanguage, valspeak, vernacular

The next time you plop down (there’sone!) in front of the TV, keep your fin-gers at the ready (there’s another!) andstart to jot down or count all of theslang terms you hear. Perhaps you and afriend can have a contest to see who isable to catch the most slang. Are youdiggin’ my noise?

Ebonics, short for EbonyPhonics, is a dialect that hasgotten some attention lately. It is also known as AfricanAmerican Vernacular English(AAVE) and is being heardmore and more on street cor-ners and at schools. ShouldEbonics be allowed in theclassroom, or even be taughtas another language (likeFrench or Spanish), or is it justanother form of slang?

Can you find a seven-letter portmanteau(page 21) on this pagethat starts with E? Then,can you find another?(Answers on page 124.)


Word Nutrition 19

How Language Began: Five Theories

DING-DONGAccording to theding-dong theory,the first wordscame from peo-ple’s reactions tothe environment.For example, it hasbeen suggestedthat “mama”reflects the move-ment of babies’lips as they getready to nurse.

BOW-WOWThe bow-wowtheory suggeststhat languagearose from peopleimitating sounds ofnature, especiallyanimal calls.

YO-HE-HOThe yo-he-hotheory says that thefirst language camefrom people’s needto work together,producing firstgrunts, then chants, then words.

LA-LAThe la-la theory supposesthat the first sounds wereassociated with love, play,poetry, and song.

POOH-POOHThe pooh-poohtheory says thatthe first speechcame fromhumans express-ing emotions suchas pain, anger,and frustration.

Many linguists (people who study lan-guages) have a hard time agreeing onjust how words and speech began.

The fact that human language came about solong ago (some say more than 8,000 years ago)

will likely prevent us from ever knowing.In the early 1900s, linguist Otto Jespersen

described four popular theories as to howhuman language began, and added his owntheory (pooh-pooh) to make a fifth.


20

It might surprise you to learn that alot of the words we use today haveLatin and Greek origins. For exam-

ple, the word music is from the GreekMuses, who were the daughters of Zeus,a god who represented the human arts.And the word primate is from the Latinprimus, meaning “first.”

In fact, you probably know moreGreek and Latin than you think! If youbreathe air and get ideas, you’re usingsome words that come from Greekroots. Air comes from the Greek wordaer, and idea has the Greek root wordidein, meaning “to see.” And even ifyou’ve never studied Latin, you proba-bly speak it already! About 40 percentof English words have Latin roots.Recognize any of these?

do, color, condo, quiet, honor, multi,

sane, insane, ridiculous, rare, unique,

accuse, apparatus, pauper, furor, farina

They are all so-called English wordsthat are actually Latin!

What’s in a Name? Scientists still use Latin names to iden-

tify the species of plants and animals onearth. That way, people all over theworld can recognize and agree on thename of the species. These scientificnames are usually in two parts, such as

Orange Origin JuiceEleutherodactylus augusti (“barkingfrog”). The first Latin word is thegeneric, or genus, name and the secondis the specific, or species, name. Youmay already know your scientific name,Homo sapiens, meaning “wise man.”Now, you try it!

Let’s Cook! Go around to the different rooms of

your house and have each person write

bulky: what a bull uses to open the door.


Word Nutrition 21

a Latin-sounding name for that room.Trade notes and see if your friends candecipher which room is being describedfrom its “scientific name.” Maybe I canstart you off with the following:Siblingus uncleanicus.

Recipeserves: 2 or more players

ingredients:• Pencil and paper or Noodle Book

• 1 house or apartment

A portmanteau (or “suit-case” word) is made fromcombining two words toform one, such as brunch(breakfast and lunch),motel (motor hotel), orsmog (smoke and fog).Think of other portmanteausor make up some of yourown and play PORTMANTEAU

the next time you are boredin the car or on the bus.

PUNZLES®answer: Amazing grapes.


22

Ancient Greek root and stem wordscan grow a whole tree of modern-day English words. Check out the

list here. See any familiar words about totake root? How about bio + logy = “thestudy of life,” as in biology? Or, tele + phon= “to speak far,” as in telephone. Whatabout the English word acrobat? See howmany words (branches) you can make foryour tree using a single Greek word root.Which word builds the biggest tree?

acro (highest)agra (farm)anthro (human)arch (chief)aristo (best)astro (star)audio (hearing)auto (self)batos (to go)bio (life)chromo (color)chrono (time)cosmos (world)cracy (rule by)demo (people)graph (write)hydro (water)iso (equal)

ist (one who doessomething, likebicyclist)

meter, metron

(to measure)micro (small)mono (one)nomy (rules for,

management of,laws of)

ophy (wisdom about,knowledge of)

optikos (see)philo (love)phon (speak)psyche (soul)techne (skill, art)tele (far)

probate:something that only professional fisherm

en use.Play Greektionary


Word Nutrition 23

New words are always beinginvented. Do you supposeyour grandparents ever usedthe word email, or theacronym VCR? Can you thinkof other recent additions toour language? Imagine Lewistelling Clark that he wasn’table to “log on.” What wouldthat have meant?

What’s more, there are also problemsthat come up when people translateone language into another. There aresome words in English that don’t evenexist in other languages! (Check outTRANSLATION TOAST on page 112 tohave some fun with that.)

Take several pieces of freshwaterghoti fillets and … Wait a minute:What are ghoti fillets? Perhaps if

I helped you sound out the word, you’llunderstand where I’m headed.

Let’s break it up into syllable sounds:“gh” as in rough, “o” as in women, and“ti” as in nation. See the problem?

As elegant and civil as we may thinkthe English language is, it is full of prob-lems, especially for people who learnEnglish as a second language.

Part of the problem is that one symbolcan be pronounced many ways. Take theletter A, for example. It can be used inthe words plate, fact, or instead, all pro-ducing different sounds.

If that weren’t bad enough, we usedifferent spellings to make the samesound, as in the “a” sound in rate, inmain, or in weigh.

Where From?On top of all that, we have differences

in our dialects! Depending on whichpart of the country you’re from, youmay choose to drink a soda, a soft drink,or a pop.

Panfried Problems(ghoti fillets)

parables: two large male bovines.


24

Spelling Bee Brownies (or what the buzz is all about)

Every year, kids from around thecountry test their spelling skills inthe Scripps National Spelling Bee,

held in Washington, D.C. They begin attheir local schools or community beesand progress until just over 250 contest-ants make it to the finals.

The spelling bee was begun by anewspaper, the Louisville (Kentucky)Courier-Journal in 1925. The ScrippsHoward News Service took over thespelling bee in 1941. The bee has grownfrom 9 original contestants to 265finalists in 2004.

The contest is limited to kids in theeighth grade or under the age of 16 atthe date of the final competition.

A Bee in Her BonnetHere’s something worth noting: Out

of 80 past champions, 38 were boys and 42 were girls. There was no beeheld in the years 1943, 1944, and 1945because of World War II, and in theyears 1950, 1957, and 1962, there wereco-champions (two winners).

If you think you’re a word wizard andwant to give it a try, ask your teacher orlocal home-schooling organization formore details, or check out the spellingbee information yourself atwww.spellingbee.com.

punt: what you are when someone hits you with a pun.


Word Nutrition 25

Speller, who gets two minutes to repeatthe word, spell the word, and thenrepeat the word again. The Speller mayask the Pronouncer to say the wordagain, define it, or use it in a sentence. If the Speller misspells the word, thesame word goes to the competing player(or other team). Each correctly spelledword gets a point. Here’s an example toget you going:

Pronouncer: Persnickety.Speller: Could you give me the word

in a sentence, please?Pronouncer: The persnickety English

teacher accepted only typed, not hand-written, homework.

Speller: Persnickety. P-E-R-S-N-I-C-K-E-T-Y. Persnickety.

Maybe you could have a tray ofbrownies as the grand prize!

Let’s Cook!Organize your own spelling bee.

Ask a parent or other adult to serve asPronouncer (and Judge). Have thatperson prepare a list of unusual (but not terribly difficult) words from thedictionary.

The play goes in rounds, with eachteam getting the same number of words.The Pronouncer states the word to the

Recipeserves: 2 or more players (ifyou have lots of kids, maketeams of 4 or 5 contestantseach)

ingredients:• Pencil and paper • Dictionary• 1 or more adults• Timer or watch

number: an anesthesiologist. (Look it up!)


26

Don’t feel bad if you have a problemfinding the right words.

Vice president Dan Quayle seemedto have an unusually difficult timewhen it came to using the correctwords during the Bush administrationof 1989 –1993. Oftentimes he wouldstruggle to find the proper words,with hilarious results. Here are just afew of his supposed blunders. See ifyou can find the mistakes, by readingevery word he said, not what youknow he meant to say. To check youranswers, turn to page 124.

Quayleisms

PUNZLES®answer: Chairman of the bored.

• This president is going to lead us out of this recovery. It will happen.

• When asked about Latin America:The U.S. has a vital interest in that area of the country.

• It’s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

• I love California; I practically grew up in Phoenix.

• We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.

• My friends, no matter how tough the road may be, we can and we will never,never surrender to what is right.

• A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

• If you give a person a fish, they fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish,they fish for a lifetime.

• We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.

• It isn’t pollution that’s harming our environment. It’s impurities in our air andwater that are doing it.


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