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Wordy sentences-Verbose Concise sentences are preferred. Regardless of the fact that Gatsby had become a millionaire, it is obvious th at his sense of accomplishments was not fulfilled until the day that he was able to win Daisy’s heart. Although Gatsby had become a millionaire, he did not feel accomplished until he won Daisy’s heart.

Wordy sentences-Verbose

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Wordy sentences-Verbose. Concise sentences are preferred. Regardless of the fact that Gatsby had become a millionaire , it is obvious th at his sense of accomplishments was not fulfilled until the day that he was able to win Daisy’s heart. - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

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Page 1: Wordy sentences-Verbose

Wordy sentences-Verbose•Concise sentences are preferred.

Regardless of the fact that Gatsby had become a millionaire, it is obvious that his sense of accomplishments was not fulfilled until the day that he was able to win Daisy’s heart.

Although Gatsby had become a millionaire, he did not feel accomplished until he won Daisy’s heart.

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Wordy concise•After the conclusion of after•At this point in time now•Despite the fact that although, even though, despiteDue to the fact that because, since, asExcessive number of too manyIn order to toIn the event that ifIs in a position to canRegardless of the fact that although, despite

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•Wordy sentence errors often have a much more blatant error such as incorrect verb tense or misplaced modifier but the right answer will correct both errors

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•Due to the fact that Lake is polluted, the swimming area will have been closed until further notice.

A. No changeB. Although the Lake is polluted, the

swimming areaC. Because the Lake is polluted, the

swimming area will have beenD. Because the Lake is polluted, the

swimming area will be

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D

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•Sometimes wordiness can be attributed to a •Pronoun or a second verb

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•Many border collies, a intelligent working dogs used on ranches, B have been known C to herd cattle without d their ever being trained. E no error

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• D

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•The proceeds from the charity auction was used in the funding of the new playground equipment installed at the town park.•A. no change•B. were used in the funding of•C. was used for the funding of•D. were used for the funding of•E. were used to fund

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•E

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Subject should appear once in a clause•A Upon reaching the river filled with crocodiles, the gazelles, which are a type of antelope, B they C swim across in a large herd to increase D their group survival rate.

E no error

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•b

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Redundant expressions•Word is used to modify another word that is defined by the first word•Terrible disaster pretty good•Advance planning all year round•Annually each year biography of his life•Close proximity customary habit•End result essential requirement•Exactly identical forward progress

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•Free gift group together•Honest truth joint cooperation•Meet together necessary requirement•New breakthrough past history•Postpone until later protest against•Reduced down repeat again•Reverse back rising increase•Sharing the same temporary loan•Usual habit wealthy millionaire

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•Despite the increase in positive feedback, the plummeting attendance figures have fallen so low that the owner closed the speedway.

a. No changeb. Have fallen so that the owner closed the

speedwayc. Caused the owner to close the speedwayd. Having fallen, the owner closed the

speedway

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•Jonny has spent 10 years trying to study and prepare for the ACT.•A. NO CHANGEB. in the attempt to studyC. trying to prepare forD. in the effort to prepare for

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•c

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•The concerned parents chose Connie as their babysitter because she had a maternal, motherly way of interacting with their twins.

•A. NO CHANGEB. of her motherly way of acting maternallyC. she acted like a mother in her style, which was maternal, of interactingD. she had a maternal way of interacting

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•d

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•Insipired by the moving speech, Mr. Johnson decided to give and make a donation of a significant amount to deserving charity.

A. NO CHANGEB. and donateC. a large donationD. OMIT

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•When you see OMIT, check to make sure that it is a viable answer choice. In this case, it does offer the shortest choice without altering the original meaning of the sentence. D is the correct choice.

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•The two ‘little brothers’ of Sally’s host family had to be moved upstairs to the room Sally was using.•A. NO CHANGEB. upstairs to the room Sally was using, which had been freshly painted just that year.C. upstairs (it was a two-story house) to Sally’s roomD. Omit the underlined portion and end the sentence with a period

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• In this case, if we were to omit the underlined section, meaning would be lost. The underlined portion specifies where exactly the little brothers had to be moved. As such, A is correct.

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•Wordy sentences often (but not always) contain one of two things:•Passive Voice (The subject comes at the end of the sentence, after the verb)

•"Fish and chicken are foods that I like•This sentence is in the passive voice.  As a result, it is much wordier than it needs to be ("I like fish and chicken")

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•A form of the "to be" verb Ex: "Fish and chicken, being good foods, are things I like to eat."•This sentence is much wordier than it needs to be, and it is redundant ("Fish and chicken are good foods that I like to eat")•The forms of the "to be" verb are am, is, are, was, were, has or have been, had been, will have been, being, and to be

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Wordy sentences don't have to contain "to be" verb or the passive voice (although most do).  Sometimes, wordy sentences simply use more words than necessary to say what needs to be said:•Many uneducated people who have never attended school feel bad about their lack of education •This sentence is very redundant and uses more words than necessary•The sentence could be written to say 'Many uneducated people feel bad about their lack of education (since uneducated means "never attended school" so we don't need to repeat ourselves

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IMPROVING PARAGRAPHS

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•1. Read the passage quickly•2. Notate errors as you read the passage•3. Read the surrounding sentence when returning to the passage.• Expect only Easy and Medium questions in random order. You should always be able to eliminate •4. Make your own revision. •5Read every answer and pick the one that comes closest to your answer.

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•Her mother told Emily to make the bed. Another chore her mother told her to do was to take out the garbage. Emily reluctantly complied.• (A) Another chore her mother told her to do was to take out the garbage.• (B) Her mother additionally asked her to do the chore of taking out the garbage. • (C) Also, take out the garbage, her mother asked. • (D) Then, her mother told Emily to take out the garbage.• (E) She also asked Emily to take out the garbage.

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Errors in Context• Context refers to the sentences that surround a specific line which influence the meaning of the text. • Sometimes you don’t have to read the entire paragraph.

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•What is the best version of the underlined portion?

He was less than two miles from the end of the race. Stopping to get a cup of water. A. No changeB. Race;stoppingC. Race so that he could stopD. Race when he stopped

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• D

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•Most will require you to read the paragraph to understand the offending sentence. These questions will have the words IN CONTEXT

IN CONTEXT< what is the best way to handle sentence 5? You should stop running for even a few seconds when covering such a long distance.A. DeleteB. Switch w/ sent 6C. Insert unfortunately

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•1. My brother attempted his firs marathon last year but he never finished . 2 He was less that two miles from finishing the race. 3. Stopping to get a cup of water. 4. Sadly, this was as far as ny brother would run. 5 You should never stop running for even a few seconds when covering such long distances. 6. This mistake caused his legs to cramp up and fell to the ground in pain. 7. An ambulance had to transport him over the finish line.

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IN CONTEXT< what is the best way to handle sentence 5? You should stop running for even a few seconds when covering such a long distance.A. DeleteB. Switch w/ sent 6C. Insert unfortunately after distancesD. Change you should not to he did not realize

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• D unnecessary shift in you

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Which of the following is the best way to combine sentences 2, 3, and 4 (in order to convey clearly the relationship of the ideas? • D(1) Until the discovery of the Rosetta stone, the hieroglyphic writing of

the ancient Egyptians was indecipherable to scholars. (2) Egyptian hieroglyphic writing died out in the third century A.D. (3) The ancient Egyptian religion died out. (4) Priests were the ones who mostly used this type of writing. (5) For centuries afterward, no one knew how to read the many inscriptions on Egyptian temple walls. (6) Nevertheless, in 1799, the Rosetta Stone was found near the town of Rashid (called Rosetta by the English) in the Nile Delta in Egypt. (7) Here was the key to deciphering hieroglyphic writing.•

A. Egyptian hieroglyphic writing, used mainly by priests, died out in the third century A.D. along with the ancient Egyptian religion. B. The ancient Egyptian religion died out in the third century A.D., as did Egyptian hieroglyphic writing, and it had been used mainly by priests. C. Egyptian hieroglyphic writing and the ancient Egyptian religion died out in the third century A.D., being used primarily by the priests. D. In the third century A.D., Egyptian hieroglyphic writing died out, but the ancient religion's priests were who used it most, and it ceased.

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• A• Choice A most succinctly and clearly reworks those three sentences into one coherent sentence, while keeping the original meaning.