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Wordy SentencesMcGraw Hill Handbook
Chapter 38
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Wordy Sentences
Wordiness using more wordsthan one needs to express onesideas is
an issue even forexperienced writers.
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Making Your Writing More Concise
Concise is an adjective thatmeans to express much in fewwords;
to be clear and to thepoint.
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Here are a few ways to make
your writing more concise.
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How to makeyour writing more concise
1. Recognize and eliminate wordyphrases and empty words
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Example: Wordy phrases
The fact is that at this point intime more women than menattend
college.
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Example: Wordy phrases
The fact is that at this point intime more women than menattend
college.
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Example: Wordy phrases
The fact is that at this point intime More women than men now
attend college.
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Example: Wordy phrases
More women than men nowattend college.
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Example: Empty Words
Total college enrollments haveincreased steadily upward sincethe
1940s, but since the 1970swomen have enrolled in greater
numbers than men have.
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Example: Empty Words
Total college enrollments haveincreased steadily upward sincethe
1940s, but since the 1970swomen have enrolled in greater
numbers than men have.
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Example: Empty Words
Total college enrollments haveincreased steadily since the1940s,
but since the 1970swomen have enrolled in greater
numbers than men.
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How to makeyour writing more concise
2. Recognize and eliminateunnecessary repetition.
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Example: Unnecessary Repetition
She is writing a fictional historicalnovel set in the past about
Anne
Hutchinson and the settling ofRhode Island.
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Example: Unnecessary Repetition
She is writing a fictional historicalnovel set in the past about
Anne
Hutchinson and the settling ofRhode Island.
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From the Dept. of Redundancy Dept.
Joined togetherFinal resultFew in numberBlue in color
Past history.Refer backSmall in sizeCooperate together
What is wrong with these often used phrases?
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How to makeyour writing more concise
3. Recognize and reviseconstructions built around weak
verbs and nouns derived fromverbs.
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Example: Weak Verbs
There were millions of peoplewho donated generously to help
victims of the earthquake.
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Example: Weak Verbs
There were millions of peoplewho donated generously to help
victims of the earthquake.
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Example: Strong Verbs
Millions of people donatedgenerously to help victims of the
earthquake.
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Example: Strong Verbs
The valley was surveyed by thearchaeologists for the purpose
of
locating sites that had beenoccupied by the Incas.
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Example: Strong Verbs
Archaeologists surveyed thevalley for Inca sites.
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Example: Reducing clauses to phrasesand phrases to words.
The film Dirty Pretty Things, which was directed by Stephen
Frears, portrays the struggles ofillegal immigrants in
London.
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Example: Reducing clauses to phrasesand phrases to words.
The film Dirty Pretty Things, which was directed by Stephen
Frears, portrays the struggles ofillegal immigrants in
London.
OR
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Example: Reducing clauses to phrasesand phrases to words.
Stephen Frears film Dirty PrettyThings portrays the struggles
of
illegal immigrants in London.
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How to makeyour writing more concise
5. Recognize opportunities tocombine several repetitive
sentences into one more concisesentence.
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Example: Sentence Combining
Little Red Riding Hood crossedthe river. After that, she
walked
through the woods toGrandmothers house.
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Example: Sentence Combining
Little Red Riding Hood went overthe river and through the
woods
to Grandmothers house.
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Questions?
