Workbook

Module 4: Connect

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““Well-roundedness is overrated. You will always be too much of

something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge.

Danielle La Porte

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4Module 4

CONNECT

In Module 4, Connect, you will learn about the importance of authenticity. You will explore how to effectively communicate your message and how to have those courageous conversations – and have

them well!

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Why is showing up as our authentic selves so important?

• We experience more energy and joy. We were born to be ourselves, it is the most natural thing we can do. When we try to be something we are not, it drains our energy.

• We create more opportunities for amazing things to happen. Playing safe prevents us from contributing our art to the world. It doesn't matter if your ‘art’ is a presentation at work, or crafts you sell on Etsy, or a wonderful interaction with a customer. We have amazing skills, ideas and talents to contribute, but if we never embrace ourselves and our ideas, we’re limiting the positive influence we can have in the world.

• We inspire others to do the same. When you’re being your authentic self, you’re showing others that it’s possible, and this gives them the courage to do the same.

Tips for bringing your authentic self to work:

• Speak up! Share your ideas, opinions and thoughts without waiting to be asked.

• Put your hand up for opportunities when you can use your strengths, knowledge and skills.

• Tell others who you really are and stand by your values.

The importance of authenticity

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Notes

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1. Imagine we’re interviewing your closest people; the people who know you best. We ask them “if you had to pick three words to describe what she/he is like at her/his very best, what three words would you pick?” List these three words below (and note: if you’re in a place where you don’t have a close circle of people now, old mates and family count, as do pets!):

2. With these words in mind, brainstorm all the things you could do to show up more authentically at work. Your ideas could be big (have that conversation about my vision for a career I love) or small (wear something more colourful) or somewhere in between (say hello more, and ask people how they are). Don’t edit yourself - just list anything and everything that comes to mind here:

The importance of authenticity

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We know from years of experience that anyone (yes, that includes you!) can become a powerful and confident speaker. This week we have given you some practical tips and methods to lift your confidence and skills in getting your message across. Speaking up is so important:

• Your message is worthy and you need to share it. You have a wealth of uniqueknowledge, skills and ideas. Your message is worthy of being shared and you deserve tobe heard.

- Great communicators are built not born. Many Inkling team members overcame ahuge fear of speaking and now speak in front of thousands of people each year. So forthose of you who say things like “I’m a waffler” or “I’m a terrible speaker”, pleaseremember that a) we said those things about ourselves too! and b) perhaps just gentlyrealise that that is a story you’re telling yourself. From a growth mindset, we canremember that we’re always able to develop new skills.

Structuring your message:

Let’s recap the structure that Gigi explained. There are three steps; the forest, the trees, and the WIIFM (What’s In It For Me).

1. You begin by sharing the ‘forest’; summing up the purpose of your talk first. This grabsyour listener’s attention and immediately they know exactly what you want to talk with themabout.

2. Next, you can outline the key topics under your ‘forest’, capturing them in three or so keypoints or ‘trees’.

3. Lastly, you tell them the ‘WIIFM’; this hooks the audience with the value they will gain fromlistening to you.

For the next activity, we need you to think about a conversation you want to have or a presentation you need to give. For example, at a team meeting, a meeting with your boss, or even raising something with your partner or a friend.

When you’ve got the topic in mind, turn over to page 8 and write it down.

Communicating your message

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Notes

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The ForestIt should be very clear to your listener what you are going to talk about. For example it might be: “I’d like to discuss the new project you announced on Friday” or “I want to talk about getting help with the housework”.

1. Write down your forest, summing it up in one line - you want to keep it short and to the point:

The TreesConsider the two or three main points you want to make. These are your ‘trees’. For example: “I have three things that I want us to discuss; our current workload, the budget, and who will be in charge of the new project” or “There are two things I want to talk to you about. First of all, how the housework is impacting me, and secondly some ideas for how we can fix the problem.”

2. Write your trees below, keeping to just 2 or 3 points.

Communicating your message

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The WIIFMWhat is in it for the audience/other person? For example: “I hope to show you that, if we manage our budget and workload, we will be able to improve profitability by 25%” or “I’d love us to come up with solutions that give me more energy so we can have some adventures together on our weekends”.

3. Write down your WIIFM, keeping it to one or two sentences.

Once you have stated your forest, trees, and the WIIFM, you can then begin to go into the details of the first tree, then move to the second and then third. It’s important that you stick to the structure you set out initially; it will help you to remember each point, and means you will be saying everything in a logical order.

Communicating your message

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Courageous conversations are not just difficult conversations - they can be where:

1. The outcomes really matter - these aren’t your everyday conversations. Perhaps you’re delivering difficult news, or you’re asking for something you need/want, or you’re giving some tough feedback.

2. Emotions are high - where people may be feeling fearful, uncertain, or personally attacked.3. Opinions vary - You’re sharing an opinion which may challenge the status quo, or with

someone who doesn’t see it your way.

In order to have a successful courageous conversation, firstly you need TRUST to create psychological safety. Dr. Frances Frei says that trust has three components: Authenticity, Empathy & Logic.

1. Think about a recent scenario where you had to have a courageous conversation. Using the Trust Triangle model, write down some examples of how you could have created a psychologically safe environment.

Courageous conversations “

““Feeding people half-truths to make them feel better (which is almost always about making ourselves feel more

comfortable) is unkind … choose courage over comfort.”Brene Brown

AuthenticityHow can you share your vulnerability and be humble? Which

of your values can you hook into?

EmpathyHow can you put yourself in their shoes, and

show that you understand how they’re feeling?

LogicWhat are the facts? How clear and well

structured is your message?

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Notes

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Now we’re going to spend some time planning for your courageous conversation. It’s important that you dedicate some time to prepare so that you give yourself the best possible chance of success - not only is this helpful for you feel equipped, but it also will show to the other person that you have put some thought into the conversation.

2. Think about a situation that you would like to discuss with someone that makes you feel a little vulnerable or fearful, but haven’t felt brave enough to bring it up yet - this is most likely a courageous conversation! Using the Forest & Trees method outlined on page 5-8 of this workbook (and in Gigi’s video),

The Forest1. Write down your forest, summing it up in one line - you want to keep it short and to the point:

The Trees2. Write your trees below, keeping to just 2 or 3 points.

The WIIFM3. What’s in it for them? How will this benefit them going forward?

Courageous conversations

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Homeplay

1. Take one (or more!) of the actions you identified that would allow you to be more authentic at work. It is completely ok to take baby steps with this one - being authentic when you’ve had armour on for years can feel scary. Choose an action and find a way to implement it this week.

2. Build your Trust Triangle actions. Whether it’s the situation you’ve outlined in your workbook or a new situation that arises this week, practice how you can build the three elements of trust (Authenticity, Empathy & Logic) when you give feedback in preparation for your next courageous conversation. If you don’t feel ready to use it in a real life situation just yet, ask a friend (or your Circle buddy) if you can practice it with them first.

3. Plan for a courageous conversation using the Forest & the Trees. You may not have a courageous conversation on your radar right now, so if that’s the case, use a previous situation as an example, and again, practice this with a friend or your Circle buddy.

4. Share a learning or ‘aha’ moment with your group.

5. Attend your Thrive Circle and don’t forget to take your Module 4 workbook.

Notes

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