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Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

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Page 1: Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

Writing College Admissions Essays

By Tom ZuzulockFor the Bozeman Public Library

Page 2: Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

Why are you Here?

Become a better Writer?Sorta Kinda...but no, not really.

Get into college?Absolutely. But, again, not really.

Learn how to think about yourself and how writing about YOU will help you get into college?

Yeah, we can do this.

Page 3: Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

Goals for this sessionYou will think like an admissions officer when preparing your admissions essays.you will write essays the emphasize what makes you unique, what makes an admissions officer “Love YOU.”You will avoid some of the pitfalls of this type of essay by focusing on what you know can work and what doesn’t work.

Page 4: Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

What gets you in?In order of importance here are the factors colleges

consider in deciding whom to admit.

Grades in college prep courses

•Strength of high school curriculum

•Scores on College Boards (SAT, ACT)

•Grades in all courses

•Essay

•Class Rank

•Demonstrated interest (including campus visit)

•Counselor recommendation

•Teacher recommendation

•Interview

•Subject test scores (AP, IB, and International Placement)

Source: National Association for College Admission Counseling

Page 5: Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

Quick thoughts on the Admissions Process

All applications go through an academic review: Rigor, Grades, Testing

Did you make the cut? If so, then what is left? Your essays.

If your essays show you to be a unique individual who adds to the balanced, diverse community of the university, they might just accept you.

Page 6: Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

“I want to love you. No, really, I do. I

need to love you.”Dan Grayson, Asst. Dir. Undergraduate

Admissions, Tufts University

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Why would he say that?Only one admissions counselor reviews your application materials.

She must convince the rest of the admissions committee that you will make a meaningful contribution to the university.

If she has no reason to love you, to be your champion, she cannot plead your case to the rest of the admissions committee.

Page 8: Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

The admissions process can be

easy, should be easy, if you

remember one thing...

Page 9: Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

YOUIF YOU STAY FOCUSED ON THIS, YOU CAN SUCCEED IN THE ADMISSIONS PROCESS.

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Who are YOU?This is what the admissions officers are so desperate to know because the numbers are not the person.

"We don't admit records, we admit people," says Harvard University director of admissions Marilyn McGrath Lewis. "We're trying to understand the whole person. What is your background? What's something you do that's not as easily measured as mathematical ability? Who do you think you are?" Patricia Wei, assistant director of admissions at Yale University, agrees: "We're looking for a better picture of the student; we don't need a reiteration of what appears elsewhere in the application."

If you do not start with understanding who you are, you cannot convey this to anyone.

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Now, let’s see what the

admissions officers want to know about you

Page 12: Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

Pick the quality firstAsk yourself: What quality/characteristic/trait about myself do I want to convey? What makes me unique? This is the purpose of your essay.

Oftentimes, the most interesting qualities are those that make sense to you but maybe not to others.

Example: A southern baptist who thinks it is normal to attend synagogue.Example: A football player who prefers practicing ballet to improve his footwork than tackling drills.

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Then, and only then, pick the story that illustrates the quality

The story must help the admissions officer understand how you came to this quality or why it is so important to you.

The biggest single failure I have seen with college admissions essays is choosing the story first, which often results in great story telling but nothing substantive about the candidate. Remember, the story illustrates the How and Why.

Page 14: Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

Does identifying what makes you unique seem too

difficult a task?Not a problem: Get help from those that know you well because they can provide perspective that you

cannot.p

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Ask several people who know you the following two questions:

What can I do that you cannot?

What do I do that is strange to you?

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Let’s try something fun to see if this all

makes sense

Page 17: Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

Welcome to Zuzulock University

At ZU, we strive to develop independent thinkers who engage multiple perspectives and make meaningful contributions to our diverse global community.

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Only one spot left in the class of 2013 at Zuzulock University

As an admissions officer, you are tasked with identifying why your candidate is a good choice for our campus community.Identify the following for your candidate: What you learned about her from her essay, and why you “love” her.Then you will need to convince the rest of the group why your candidate should receive our last spot in the class of 2013.

Page 19: Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

Candidate ASelf-identity and personal expression take many forms. Use the richness of your life to give us insight: Who are you?

Two summers ago, during a canoe trip into Canada, several canoeists and I met with a conundrum. Who would carry the honey-bucket today? Now the honey-bucket was the all-encompassing name given to the buckets that we carried as a method of disposing of our feces (hence the name). When they say, “pack everything out,” they mean it. And on this day, we had fully completed a rotation through every boat, begging the question, “Who would start the cycle anew?” After several arguments as to whose turn it was, my dad and I decided to shoulder the burden. Little did we know that today was the day that we would be traversing rapids in our aluminum canoes. Already highly susceptible to capsizing, our canoe seemed like the worst possible choice on a day like that. But load them we did, and began the journey towards our next portage. About two seconds after we put out from our previous campsite we tried to turn the corner, overshot it, and capsized. Luckily for and unknown to us, the buckets were waterproof, sealed for such an event. People passed us by asking if we were hurt, to which I could only respond “Only my pride.”

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Candidate APlease read and reflect on the following quotation from Pedro Arrupe, S. J.:

'What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.'

What seizes your imagination?Everything about the electric guitar seizes my imagination. I wake up every morning to the shredding of Paul Gilbert on my alarm clock, the motivator for my day. My weekends revolve around whether my band and I are practicing, or whether there is a new guitar clinic at the local music store. I never cease to be amazed by the versatility of the instrument itself and all the virtuosos who capitalize on this aspect of the instrument. From Yngwie Malmsteen’s terrifying arpeggios to the feel of brand new strings, everything about the electric guitar seizes my imagination.

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Candidate B—Personal statement“Who are you? What do you want from life?” Awkward pause. “I don’t know right now, sweetie,” says my mother quietly.“Why? You have to know! Why have you stopped caring about everything?”I want her to fight back, to be a mom, to challenge me, to send me to my room. I want her to be next to me, to hug me, to tell me that everything is going to be okay, even when I know it is not. I want to make her understand what she has put me through, to force her to realize that she has created chaos in our lives.Silence. She refuses to answer and I cannot stand the unvarying ring of the silence. Sigh: “I love you.”

I feel myself floating down a narrow, darkly lit hallway. I pass expressionless faces showing off their new corporate clothing or accessory, their make-up inexpertly mounded on plastic skin, flashing shiny phones as they speak through their thumbs while refusing to say anything.

Everything is going to be okay because we’re a family, and we’re strong.

I step over a mound of junk that carpets the floor of the car and curl my legs onto the backseat, avoiding crumbs that are wedged into the creases of the cushion. The car swerves onto the highway before mom reaches under her seat, grabs a chipped mug, and takes a sip. We drive to town, binge on a cheap Chinese buffet, drive home, pop in a video, watch mom get wasted, and experience her gradual destruction as Mickey and Minnie play ukulele on the TV. Everything is going to be okay.

“What do you care about? Hiding bottles under your bed?”Silence.Silently: “I love you.”

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Candidate B cont.I twist the doorknob, all the while hoping for the best scenario of the unknown beyond the threshold. I smell it on her as I approach. Her eyelids droop, empty blue eyes that mask a temporary hollowness. The lecture begins: how can you do this to us, how can you do it to yourself, etc. But this time, I add in one more question, asking how many times she has been to jail. Never, honey. Don’t you trust me? I ask her again. With tears forming in her eyes, she ashamedly whispers, Twice. The conversation ends with less alcohol under her bed and more down the drain in the kitchen sink. I leave. Driving away, I feel guilt, regret, anger, embarrassment, pity, sadness, pain—every emotion that I have known since I was eight-years-old, when everything initially fell apart. Driving away, I want to turn around, to tell her that everything is going to be okay, even when I know it is not. But I am finished dealing with the lies, with the secrets, with the guilt, with the manipulation, with everything. I have tried for eight years to help her and have been unable to do so. I will not return.

“How can you put us through this for so long and not have an answer? You have no one left in your life...but you had kids, is that it? We are your guarantee that someone will carry you to your bed, take your car keys, and hold your hair while you puke. We are all you have left.” Silence. Realization: “We are what you care about—what you want to do with your life....”

I look at who I have become. I see my independence, my drive, my ambition, my passion: everything that has led me to this point in my life has come as a result of how I dealt with hardship during my childhood. The fact that I overcame it at all, learned and grew from it, changed me from what I could have become to who I am. Facing this adversity, by bringing it out in the open rather than concealing it under the bed, I have learned that passiveness does not bring about change. Only having control of my future and fighting for what I believe in can improve my present situation, can create change for the better. I question if I would have had it any other way—sack lunch on the counter, laundry folded on my bed, new gadgets for Christmas, normal, mainstream, superficial, the hollow men, the stuffed men.

Pause. “Hey, mom?”“Yeah.”“Are you doing okay?”“We can work it out. I can fight this. I love you.”Understanding: “I love you.”

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Candidate CShare an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

During a trip to London, I was able to experience the rather mellow atmosphere that sets Europe apart from the United States. First of all, up until recently, the English economy was doing rather well, with the pound being worth over one and half times that of the dollar. Even with the steady economy, I still witnessed the local middle class suffering from the inflation of food prices. However, the healthier aspect of their “take-away” food certainly was a beneficial distinction. Between the price of gas and limited space and resources, the English tended to be very conservative. Smaller cars and toilets that used less water were just two common examples of this principle. The most notable difference was the type of news broadcasted. Although it may be within close proximity to Europe, the news media seemed to include a wide range of worldly topics in addition to local ones, ranging from Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s energy plan to the agreement between the President and Prime Minister of Zimbabwe. There was also a mention of the U.S. presidential candidates and the fire in the Channel Tunnel. Overall this experience showed me how limited American news coverage and transportation systems are. In addition how thankful and dependent we are on cheap gas and how we could better our economy through a more rail based transportation infrastructure. Furthermore, this exposure has given me a new respect for the culture of another country and how the differences make each country unique.

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Candidate DEvaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

An Unexpected Question

On the final day of my mission trip this summer, Yasmin, one of the young Blackfeet girls at the camp we held, asked, “Why are you so nice to us?” My answer going into the week would have been much different than my answer at the end of the week. This summer, my church youth mission team was given the opportunity to travel to Browning, Montana, a town on the Blackfeet Indian Reservation. While I was looking forward to serving and helping out, I did not foresee this being a life-altering experience: It was more something to do with my friends for a week. As the van pulled away from Bozeman on that Saturday morning, I had no idea what to expect of this trip. I had lived in Montana for practically all of my life but had never been to an Indian Reservation before; I knew that poverty, gangs, alcoholism, and other problems were rampant there, but I was unprepared for what I would experience that week, and how these experiences would affect my path in life.

Our leader, Ann, had told us not to anticipate very many children the first few days at our vacation bible school since word would spread slowly and many parents would be unwilling to give children rides to the church. Instead of letting the children come to us, though, a local church member suggested picking up children in our vans. We followed his recommendation, and on Monday morning we set off around town. On the first day we had twenty kids, the second day thirty kids, and by the last day, we had more than forty kids. My interactions with these children significantly transformed my views about life on reservations. In particular, one boy, Dylan, had a major impact on me. On the first day of camp, he was reluctant to leave his older cousin and was quiet for the first few activities. By the time the games started, he began coming out of his shell and asked me to be his partner in the water balloon toss. It wasn’t until the second day, however, that I realized how much he appreciated me, and what I had to offer him. I stayed behind at the church during the morning collection to help set up, and when he arrived, he came running through the church to find me and give me an adoring hug. I was caught completely off guard that a little boy whom I had known for less than a day was so fond of me. The smile on Dylan’s face and the love that glowed from his expression gave me a new and more open outlook on the week. From then on, I participated with a new fervor in every activity with my new friends.

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Candidate D cont.As I said goodbye to all of the children, I realized how great their influence on me had been. Though I had given them all the love I could, it would not be enough to guarantee them a successful future. If Talesia doesn’t have enough to eat, I can’t provide her with lunch and breakfast like we did each day at camp. If LaRuston gets a cavity, I can’t give him the dental care he so desperately needs. If Skyla needs information on sex education to avoid becoming another teenage pregnancy statistic, I can’t be there to teach her. If Dylan catches Strep throat, I can’t give him the medicine that he will need so he can return to school and get the education that will expand his future opportunities. They will all face obstacles that I will not be able to help them overcome.

These children are only a small fraction of the many Native Americans facing health challenges. The health care system on reservations often lacks adequate funds and resources, and most families have trouble affording quality health care. I believe that in a country so wealthy and medically advanced, no one should go untreated. As a result of my interactions with the children and my observation of their situation, I am determined that no Talesia will go without breakfast, that no LaRuston will be unable to see a dentist, than no Skyla will become pregnant at sixteen, and that no Dylan will go without medicine. After college, I will enroll in medical school, after which I plan to return to Montana’s reservations. It would be easy to respond to Yasmin’s question now: I’m nice to you because I love you, and I want you to be able to live beyond the current confines in which you are trapped. I’m nice to you because you have shown me the importance of my life.

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Candidate E“Dad, what’s wrong with that lady? What is she doing?” I asked my father. That question

never received an answer, but after I heard the phone call the answer became clear. That woman we passed laying helplessly on the sidewalk was having a heart attack. The paramedics came and helped her, but to this day I could not tell you what ever happened to that woman. The disturbing part of that night was not witnessing an elderly woman having a heart attack, but rather witnessing so many people stroll past as though nothing was happening.

One year when I was about ten-years-old my family and I visited Palm Springs California on spring break. It was one of the first instances where I was visiting a city with a population larger than Billings’. During our vacation we visited a street fair where there are vendors selling everything from food to jewelry made from discarded garbage. Being a small town girl I frequently found myself people watching—despite my mother’s telling me “its impolite to stare”—curious about the stories of the people I saw. Wandering down the sidewalk we approached a store front, and I saw a collapsed heap of clothing. My curiosity intensified, and as we drew nearer, I realized that there was a woman beneath that mass of cloth. “Dad, what’s wrong with that lady? What is she doing?”

As I stand there listening to my dad call 911 I had an urge to help this woman, but considering my age, and inexperience, I tried my best to stay out of the way of the adults. As the minutes passed it became increasingly difficult for me to “be a good girl and stay out of the way.” Also in those moments I had so many thoughts and feelings pounding through my veins. I want to hug her, but I really shouldn’t touch her, she could need CPR, how long does it really take an ambulance to get here, she can’t die, she just can’t. It was difficult for me to watch this woman suffer, and I simply do not understand how anyone capable of helping could, and would, just watch someone suffer. Watching people walk by and barely glance over at the scene was enough to make me sick. I didn’t understand if people acted that way because it was a city, strange things are always happening, or because they genuinely are selfish and don’t care about the well being of their fellow man. I don’t think that it is right to witness someone who is clearly suffering and continue on as though nothing is happening. No one deserves to suffer alone, especially if the result could be death. If that scene was presented to me again I would do one thing differently: sit next to that woman and hold her hand, until the end if necessary.

Page 27: Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

So, who gets the last spot at ZU?

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Now, some writing tipsThis is not a formal essay

Forget the 5-paragraph essay

Use slang, contractions and all of those other things your English teachers have told you not to use

However, mistakes with conventions of English usage will only hurt your chances.

Edit carefully yourself, and have a competent adult edit for you as well.

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BE FREEDon’t write what they want—write what you want, what you care about.

Write without compromising your vision, beliefs, or world view.

Take risks—they generally pay big dividends.

Stretch topics: letter of the question vs. the spirit of the question.

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Do...Show a sense of intellectualism...remember, you are trying to get into college.

Show how you think and learn

Show how you see yourself, others, the world.

Page 31: Writing College Admissions Essays By Tom Zuzulock For the Bozeman Public Library

Three topic trapsInfluential people in your life

Service trips

Athletics

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Influential people pitfall

Remember, family is supposed to influence us, so this is very common.

Limit how much you discuss the other person.

Focus on you and how you were influenced.

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Service Trips PitfallLet me guess, you will write about...

Seeing new thingsA new world viewReturning a changed person

Remember, these are group trips, so everyone you went with, as well as others who did other but similar trips, will have the same experience.

If you write on this topic, focus on the whys and hows, not the what. Story telling will destroy your chances

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Athletics PitfallLet me guess again...the moral of the story is:

DeterminationPassionCommittmentThese all equal hard work, which your grades already indicate, so why bother.

Hard work is a superficial quality.

This is a dangerous topic.

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A parting thought from Dan Grayson

“When you write about things you

care about, we care about you.”