The reThink Group, Inc. gladly grants permission to churches, schools and other

licensees to tailor XP3TM materials to fit their unique leadership requirements, lo-

cale and format preferences. However, if you wish to edit the content substantive-

ly, including teaching scripts, small group dialog and any other content in which

biblical principles and concepts are presented, you are obligated to do so within

the doctrinal guidelines we’ve expressed in our Statement of Faith (http://whati-

sorange.org/statement-of-faith/).

These resources are intended to be downloaded and printed for use by the sub-

scribing entity only and may not be electronically transferred to or duplicated by

other non-subscribing entities. Any unauthorized reproduction of this material or

incorporation into a new work—including podcasts or video of this content—is a

direct violation of U.S. copyright laws. ©2015 The reThink Group, Inc. All rights

reserved. XP3 and the XP3 logo are trademarks of The reThink Group, Inc.direct

violation of U.S. copyright laws. ©2015 The reThink Group, Inc.

Chief Executive Chief Executive Officer Reggie Joiner

Chief Operating Officer Reggie Goodin

Creative DirectorBen Crawshaw

Content DirectorCrystal Chiang

BrandingJosh Lamm

XP3 HS Team Sarah AndersonKristie McCollisterSteve Underwood

Orange SpecialistJeremy ZachBen NunesMatt Ivy

Technical & Web Support Hadley Brandt

Wired Video BP Media Inc.

Wired GraphicsTaylor Cox Media

U S E R A G R E E M E N T

T H E P E O P L E T H A T M A K E X P 3

W W W . X P 3 S T U D E N T S . O R G

The Parent CUE helps a parent and student connect through dialog or shared experiences, and gives the student pastor a way to encourage and cue parents to talk about spiritual topics with their teens as well.

PARENTCUE

PARENT CUE

W I R E D

How many hours are you connected to some kind of technology on a normal day? If you were to add up your hours online, your glances at text messages, your streaming music, your perusing social media, your Netflix addiction, how many hours could you count? It’s probably a lot. Our culture is obsessed with technology—and with good reason. Technology keeps us connected to each other and to the world around us. Nearly every device we own transmits signals to something else, somewhere else. Why? Because that’s

how they’re wired to function. Our phones, tablets, smart watches, gaming systems—they all are wired to connect to something outside them. And the same is true for us. We are wired for connection. It’s in our design. As we take a closer look at what Jesus called “the greatest commandment”, we discover that we were wired to have three vital relationships: with God, with ourselves, and with others. And when those connections are made, everything else begins to function as it was designed.

Your student is changing fast. Chances are this isn’t a surprise. Their classes are changing. Their friends are changing. Their bodies are definitely changing. But one change you may not see as quickly are the changes that are happening in your student’s brain. As our students approach puberty, their brains are being physically rewired to function less like a child and more like an adult. New connections are forming. Old ones are collapsing. Parts of the brain are being reorganized. And with all of that activity, it’s no surprise that they may experience occasional “outages” or glitches in their judgment, their memory, and their emotional control. That means…

… your straight-A scholar may suddenly forget their homework.

… your sweet, quiet child may now have teenage emotional outbursts.

… your reasonable, responsible student may have a few mindboggling lapses in judgment.

When that happens, our first reaction may be to panic and wonder, what went wrong here? But, most of the time, nothing is really wrong. Our students’ brains are simply under construction.

In their book, Teen Stages, authors Ken and Elizabeth Mellor describe this as a “cognitive rebirth” beginning around age 13 and continues into young adulthood. That means during middle school and high school, your student may show some behaviors reminding you a lot of their toddler and early elementary years. And…it’s perfectly normal.

While no two children are the same, and development is surely going to look different and take different amounts of time for each one, it may be helpful to look at the stages Mellor outlines to see where your student fits and what may be coming next.

W E ’ R E T E A C H I N G T H I S

T H I N K A B O U T T H I S

PARENT CUE 3

As you check out the table below, find which descriptions best match your student and read to see what maybe coming in the next year. No matter what phase of rewiring your student is in, it’s important to remember that it’s only a phase. Enjoy them exactly as they are today and know that you play a key role, even during the later stages, in guiding them toward what’s next.

The Middle School YearsA p x A g e

S t a g e W h a t Yo u r C h i l d M a y E x p e r i e n c e

A g e1 3

T h e B a b y S t a g e

T h i r t e e n - y e a r - o l d s e x p e r i e n c e i n c r e a s e d c h i l dl i k e n e e d i n e s s ( p 8 5 ) M a n y t h i n g s t h e y p r e v i o u s l y u n d e r s t o o d v e r y e a s i l y t u r n i n t o u n s o l v a b l e m y s t e r i e s . C a u s e a n d e f f e c t n o l o n g e r s e e m t o e x i s t . A n d t h e y m a y g o t h r o u g h t i m e s w h e n t h e y l i t e r a l l y n o l o n g e r u n d e r s t a n d , n o l o n g e r r e m e m b e r, n o l o n g e r h a v e a s e n s e o f t h e p r e v i o u s w e e k , d a y , h o u r, o r e v e n m i n u t e ( p 8 7 ) .

A g e1 4

T h e D i s s e n t e r S t a g e

( T h e y ) a r e r e w o r k i n g t h e t w o - y e a r - o l d p e r i o d . T h i s i s w h y s o m u c h o f w h a t t h e y d o s e e m s s o l i k e t h e b e h a v i o r o f a n a n g r y t o d d l e r ( p 1 0 7 ) . A t t h e e n d o f t h i s s t a g e , y o u n g p e o p l e a r e c o n s i d e r a b l y m o r e a t p e a c e … b y t h e t i m e t h e y g e t t o f i f t e e n , t h e y c a n t h i n k f a i r l y c l e a r -l y , p l a n w e l l , a n d a c t a p p r o p r i a t e l y e v e n w h e n t h e y f e e l p a s s i o n a t e a b o u t t h i n g s ( p 1 0 4 ) .

The High School YearsA p x A g e

S t a g e W h a t Yo u r C h i l d M a y E x p e r i e n c e

A g e1 5

T h e F l e d g l i n g S t a g e

T h i s i s o n e s t a g e t h a t m o s t p a r e n t s e n j o y . I t s i g n a l s a n e n d t o t h e s t r u g g l e s , a n d i t i s a p e r i o d o f l e a r n i n g a n d c u r i o s i t y a b o u t t h e w o r l d … M a n y a s p e c t s o f t h i s s t a g e i n v o l v e b o n d i n g w i t h t h e a d u l t w o r l d : f i f t e e n - y e a r - o l d s a r e r i p e f o r t h i s a n d o u r j o b i s t o e n s u r e t h a t w e a n d o t h e r a d u l t s a r e a v a i l a b l e s o t h e y c a n b o n d w i t h u s ( p 1 2 3 . )

A g e1 6

T h e S w e e t a n d S o u r S t a g e

S i x t e e n - y e a r - o l d s s t a r t t o c h a l l e n g e a g a i n , a t h o m e p a r t i c u l a r l y . T h r o u g h m u c h o f t h e y e a r , t h e y s t r u g g l e w i t h t a k i n g p e r s o n a l r e s p o n -s i b i l i t y f o r t h e m s e l v e s . W i t h o u r p e r s i s t e n c e , t h e y g r a d u a l l y s o f t e n a n d c o m e t o t e r m s w i t h t h e i r a c t u a l c a p a c i t i e s a n d r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s . O u r p a r t i s t o l e a r n t o a c t w i t h m o r e d e t a c h m e n t ( p 1 4 3 ) .

A g e 1 7

T h e R o m a n t i c S t a g e

E x e r c i s i n g r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r t h e m s e l v e s i s c e n t r a l . T h e y o r g a n i z e t h e m s e l v e s , m a k e p l a n s , a n d f o l l o w t h r o u g h o n t h e m , a r e i n c r e a s -i n g l y c o n s i d e r a t e a n d s e n s i t i v e t o o t h e r s , a n d f u l f i l l t h e i r h o u s e h o l d a n d o t h e r d u t i e s . A s t h e y d o , t h e y l e a r n t h e b e n e f i t s a n d t h e c o n s e -q u e n c e s o f t a k i n g p e r s o n a l r e s p o n s i b i l i t y . T h e i n c r e a s e d a u t o n o m y o f o u r s e v e n t e e n - y e a r - o l d s r e s u l t s i n m a n y w o n d e r f u l w a y s o f h a v i n g f u n . T h i s i s o f t e n a h a p p y t i m e , s o m a n y o p t i o n s o p e n u p n a t u r a l l y ( p p 1 6 4 - 1 6 5 ) .

A g e1 8 +

T h e W o r l d L e a d e r S t a g e

A d e s i r e t o c o n t r i b u t e t o t h e w o r l d i s v e r y i m p o r t a n t . T h e y g e n e r a l l y d o w a n t t o m a k e a d i f f e r e n c e . T h e y a r e u n d e r s t a n d a b l y p r e o c c u p i e d w i t h t h e p r a c t i c a l i t i e s o f f i n i s h i n g s c h o o l o r g e t t i n g o n a t w o r k . P a r -e n t s m a y n o w s e e m s o m e w h a t i r r e l e v a n t e m o t i o n a l l y a s t h e s e y o u n g p e o p l e s t a r t t o c o m m i t t o o t h e r p e o p l e o u t s i d e t h e f a m i l y . C o n t i n u -i n g a s f r i e n d l y c o n s u l t a n t s w o r k s p a r t i c u l a r l y w e l l i f w e c u l t i v a t e r e -s p e c t f o r t h e i r p r i v a c y a n d t h e i r i n t e r e s t s ( p 1 8 3 ) .

(Adapted from Teen Stages by Elizabeth and Ken Mellor 2009.)

Sometimes the scariest thing about our students’ wiring is that it comes from us. It’s tempting to focus all our attention on the traits in our students that make us cringe—especially when we know they learned it from us. But those aren’t the only traits we’ve passed down. If you think about it, there are also some pretty great things in your students’ wiring that came from you.

This week, take notice of one positive trait in your student that they inherited from you. (This can be something you can do as a stepparent, adoptive parent or foster parent as well.

Genetics may be responsible for some traits, but observation and learned behavior play an important role, too!)

Maybe you’re both good at math. Maybe your son is starting to show some of your great conversational skills. Or maybe your daughter is wired to be competitive, just like you. No matter what it is, pay attention to the positive traits passed on to your student. Then, tear off the section below. Fill it out and leave it somewhere for your student this week.

PARENT CUE 4

T R Y T H I S

…………………………………………………..……………..(tear here)…………………………………….……………………………….

Dear __________________________.

One thing I’ve noticed about you lately is that you’re ________________________________.

That’s a great trait to have and it’s one that has helped me over and over.

I’m proud of the person you’re becoming.

Love,

_____________________________________