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Clients Behaving BadlyC-7918

Jillayne Schlicke, M.A., PsychologyInstructor Number I-0651

CEForward.commortgagefiduciaries.comtwitter.com/jillayne

Clients Behaving BadlySpecial Guest Speaker

Cathye CarnesHannah’s Attic Estate Sales

http://www.facebook.com/cathye.carnes



Agenda

• Introductions• Boundaries• Market Update• Opening group assignments• Small group assignment• Abnormality• Values• Self-Assessment• Mental Health Disorders• Personality Disorders• Case Study• Revisit CBB• Resources• Mindset, Blocks, Stages• Counseling CBB• Large Group Discussion• Quiz• Recap, Close, Handouts

Clients Behaving Badly

C-7918

Objective

•Acquire basic knowledge about common personality disorders in the practice of real estate

Boundaries

Clients Behaving Badly

Diagnose

Family

Time

Law

Personality

styles

Brokers BB?

Opening Group Exercise Break into small groups. Each person shares the mental health

problems in their family

Elect a group leader Choose 3 to share

Our experiences w/mental health issues in our families Schizophrenia Phobias PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) Prescription drug addiction Major depression Anxiety Asperger Syndrome (high functioning

autism)

• Schizophrenia • PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) I• Phobia • Prescription drug addiction• Anxiety III• Depression IIII • Autism spectrum I• Alcoholism I• Bi-polar I• OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) I• Alzheimers I • Dementia • Eating disorders• Sociopathy II• Anxious/fearful personality disorder II• Peacemaker…. I• ADHD learning disorder I• Narcissist PD I

Our experiences w/mental health issues in our families

Schizophrenia IIIII

Alcoholism IIIIIII Depression

IIIIIIII Alzheimers II Aspergers IIII Anxiety IIII hypochondria PTSD IIIII OCD III Bi Polar IIIIII Sociopathy

Phobias I Addiction III Panic I Narcissism ADHD

Continuum

Autism – Aspergers – Schizo-Affective- Dissociative- Schizophrenia Now known as Autism Spectrum

Continuum

Neat, tidy – Organized - Perfectionist –Controlling- OCD

Group Exercise Break into small groups. Each person shares their worst “client

behaving badly” experience.

Elect a group leader Choose 1 to share

Worst Client Evah!• Very volatile up or down. Fun yet unfocused. High

emotions, married to an achiever…would not budge on price….unable to listen…no respect

• Oldster living alone…young couple buyer…husband here wife coming w/kids in car. Oldster changed his mind….died

• Buyer rich immigrant…lots of referrals…personal bond…then decided to use another agent. Controlling, domineering, misogny…wealth…arrogant sob…

• Young woman…Harvard…Msoft…buyer…out of control…no respect for contract…no response…retract offer…m-offers…no respect for seller..talking w/ seller….own agenda…China

• Germany phone call…showing…Psych calls…delusional

Worst client evah!

•Buyer…showing homes for months…black and white/all/nothing thinking…..no trust….worried about taken advantage of….abnormal fears…paranoid?....serious control issues

•Floor customer….no trust…bought FSBO…FSBO double sold the house….transaction…now they’ve split up…listing…made me feel like they were suspicious of me….

•BPO….ignores…calls lisa instead…arrogant…space and time….

Threw palm pilot at Realtor…daughter stole her mom’s furniture.

Wanted to buy expensive home….Disability pay…would make offers…making false offers….lonely?

Client purchased home…remodel…no permit…Broker lied…contacted broker’s mgbroker…

Lots of phone calls….feedback…micro-managing the listing broker…high anxiety

Warning about a buyer that may have stiffed a landlord –rent….scam…car dealership….sketchy person…a bit delusional

One day up…one day down…boundaryless-ness Young couple….upper end house…water view…3 kids 6-

10…..kids running wild….football…asked about kids….what problem?

Referral….off…slightly paranoid…victim...listed large parcel….must sell….doesn’t want to sell…knows buyer…doesn’t like buyer…self-destructive?

Buyer…reluctant to get prequalified…unrealistic expectations….very demanding

Worst client Evah! Married sellers hated each other….fight while on the

phone….bad language… House not selling…blue carpet…DOL complaint about

pressuring the seller Talked about himself in the third person Aggressive…power…dominance….attorney would re-write

contract…liked to argue…. Put her past Realtor down…everybody’s against me…took

everything personally…held a grudge..depressed, paranoid, lonely

Client’s outside of the house is in the video…drainage…was offended…greed? She actually wanted to not pay for the old inspection. Resentment

Overly controlling…..trust…had to control everything Dual Agent….buyer says you were rude….slapped contract

on the table….cultural issue?

Worst client Evah! Young couple. Swing set..don’t

want...changed mind…swing set OR ELSE…

Hispanic…small house to sell…wanted land w/mobile…lending…paystubs…didn’t want to understand…..other Realtor got it done

Builder to HW sale (dual agency) wife….didn’t understand buyers have responsibilities….wanted house moved…read? (could she read?)…complain…emotionally dis-engaged.

Worst client Evah! Buyer w/family. Mom, dad, daughter,

baby…husband is registered offender Hoarder…collector…30+ years…

pitchforks? Paper, garbage…long time to get him out of the house…didn’t bother the client

Divorcing couple….wife depressed/bi-polar…didn’t want to sell. Boundaries

Ex-pat from Dubai, condo for son to use. Dad buys another condo, son picks it out. Dad getting re-married…creepy gift…cancellations…decides to sue.

Worst client Evah! Short sale…BK…depressed…denial…cats…

messydefensive re the cats….feedback…eventually sold

Robin….late client Husband shot….lots of anger, aggression.

Our experiences w/clients behaving badly

•Seller would not move out of the house• buyer puts multiple offers on multiple houses without buying•Buyer….husband just left her…43 homes…undecided….Realtor tells her what to do….doesn’t want to disclose personal info…..slightly paranoid….but eventually purchased.•Seller uses “n” word…fair housing problem…gun on counter…inappropriate comments…130AM drunk dial rant….next day….Jesse set boundaries. • FTHB 180K approval….anxious to get a house. Impatient, angry,….very little eye contact. Wife did all the talking.


•Client acting like she had multiple personalitiesDissociative Disorder? •Flyer out of the flyer box….would force ppl to tour the housetried to sell her own house…obsessive•Referral from former client….daughter was a narcissist? In love w/house….bidding…controlling….•Wife…controlling…possible problem working w/other women?•Over-reacting….landscaping


•Angry client, down market. H&W. OCD, angry paranoid outbursts. Suicide•Eager buyer, on meds, angry, possible bi-polar?•Nice guy, exhibitionist…..•Sociopathic•High end buyer….cannot commit (narc•Buyer “he was like a father to me.”•Alcohol problems? Messy house. Attached to the house….paranoid? Anxious? Angry.

Looking at Abnormality

•Culture•Unusualness•Discomfort•Mental Illness•Maladaptive

Looking at Abnormality•Culture

▫A woman builds a shrine to her dead husband in a corner of the living room and leaves food and gifts at the altar. In some cultures it is encouraged to maintain psychological ties with dead loved ones.

•Unusualness•Discomfort•Mental Illness•Maladaptive

Looking at Abnormality•Culture•Unusualness

▫A man who is fascinated with Star Wars, enjoys dressing as a monk, is obsessed with horror films and collects WWII model airplanes. Eccentrics have unusual tastes but are generally very happy and function well in society.

•Discomfort•Mental Illness•Maladaptive

Looking at Abnormality•Culture•Unusualness•Discomfort

▫When a person suffers discomfort as a result of his/her behaviors and wishes to be rid of them. (What about ppl who are not aware that their behavior is causing discomfort for self/others e.g. a hoarder?)

•Mental Illness•Maladaptive

Looking at Abnormality•Culture•Unusualness•Discomfort•Mental Illness

▫A clear, identifiable process that is deviant from healthy that leads to specific problems or behaviors. (There is no medical test that identifies this physical process. Instead there are a set of symptoms.)

•Maladaptive

Looking at Abnormality

•Culture•Unusualness•Discomfort•Mental Health•Maladaptive

▫ A person is suffering distress that prevents him/her from functioning in daily life: Physically self-damaging Cause emotional suffering Severely interfere w/daily functioning Individual has lost touch w/reality and cannot

control behaviors or thoughts

Values

•What do we value in the practice of real estate?

Values• Integrity (leads to trust)• Responsiveness• Loyalty/Fiduciary• Respect = Honesty• Commitment• Generosity• Openness• Communication….good listener• Teamwork• Politeness• Diligence = Responsibility = hard work Knowledgeable• Appreciation• Win/win• Maintaining professional boundaries

Values•What do we value in the practice of real estate?•Timeliness•Patience….amicable….compassionate•Honesty•Loyalty•Boundaries• Integrity•Communication….know thyself•Tolerance…flexible…•Details•Direct•Knowledge•attentiveness

Self-Assessment

•Take the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale

Self-Assessment

•Take the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale

•Reflect back to the time when you had your worst real estate client. Were there different things going on in your life that would have made your own stress level higher (besides that particular client?)

Self-Assessment

•Take the Holmes and Rahe Stress ScaleAGAIN.

•Pretend you are your worst real estate client. What was going on in that client’s life at the time of the transaction?

Self-Assessment

•Would you use the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale with your clients?

Common Mental Health Disorders

AnxietyPTSDOCDDepression

Schizophrenia

Bi-Polar,Mania

Substance Abuse

EatingDisorders

ChildhoodDisorders

Common Mental Health Disorders

•Anxiety•Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)•Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)•Depression

Emotions

•Five core human emotions we all feel.•No matter where we grew up or our

family culture…

•Joy•Anger•Fear•Sadness•Disgust

What is a Personality Disorder?

•A stable, ongoing pattern of behavior, thoughts, emotions and social function (since adolescence or early adulthood)

•That differs markedly from the cultural norm•Causes significant

social/occupational/functional impairment or distress

•And is not better accounted for by another mental, medical disorder or substance use

Continuum

Neat, tidy – Organized - Perfectionist –Controlling- OCD

Personality Disorders

•Odd-Eccentric•Dramatic-Emotional•Anxious-Fearful

…in the practice of real estate

•Revisit your “client behaving badly.”

•Does his/her behavior match symptoms of…

•Anxiety•PTSD•OCD•Depression•Personality Disorder

Resources

•A person needs sufficient inner and outer resources.

•Realtors can become a trusted resource for clients who are experiencing distress during a real estate-related life transition.

Stage 1

•Let your clients tell their story•What they value will be in their story•Restate their values (NOT YOURS)•If you’re wrong, that’s okay, they will

correct you.

•Duct tape your mouth shut

When Do Clients “Behave Badly?”

Talk aboutTheweather

Talk abouta varietyof topics

Talk aboutthe realissue

Talk aboutwhat justhappened

Integrateand plan

Impasse

Emotions, thoughts

Stage 2

•Client will figure out a solution. NOT THE REALTOR

•Client may emote.•When they’re finished they will stop and

tell you what just happened. •Insight comes when you facilitate their

emotions•“you look sad right now…”

Stage3•What comes out of your mouth should be

related to what the client just said and nothing else.

•People know how to solve their own problems.

•Let your client come up with the solution.

Demonstration

Jillayne to demo the role of the Realtor

When Do Clients “Behave Badly?”

Talk aboutTheweather

Talk abouta varietyof topics

Talk aboutthe realissue

Talk aboutwhat justhappened

Integrateand plan

Impasse

Emotions, thoughts

Role Play

•Choose roles:▫Client▫Realtor▫Observer

▫For groups larger than three:▫Couple▫Realtor Team

• Culture• Values• Stress• Emotions (validate!)

• Realtor’s mouth shut…client talks• Realtor guesses what the client values

• Only after that can Realtor ask client if client knows how to solve the problem (stage 3 handout)

Role Play

•Client: Your job is to behave badly.

•Realtor: Your job is to LISTEN.

•Observer: Your job is to carefully watch what happens.

Group Discussion

•What did you do that worked?

What did not work? How did you know?

What might you do differently?

What did you learn?

Quiz

•Take the quiz with your small group members

• CollaborateYour client knows more about himself/herself than you do

• FlexibilityDon’t assume your client is bad. Meet people where they are and not with a fixed agenda.

• Do No HarmKnow your strengths and weaknesses

• Assume GoodwillNot everyone wants to buy/sell but might have to

• Empathy/CompassionUnconditional positive support

Recap and Close

•Certificates•Handouts•Blog post is live at www.ceforward.com

Final Individual Assignment

•Revisit learning objectives

•Please write a narrative description of your experience in class.