Dealing with Difficult People

Maureen McGarvey

International House London

With the person next to you….

Briefly describe a recent difficult encounter you had.

Consider:

• How prepared were you for the conversation?

• Did the other party have a valid point to make?

• Did you manage to get your view across to the other party?

.

Now consider:

• How did you feel at the end?

• Looking back, is there anything you would do differently next time?

Dealing with difficult people….

Without them dealing with you!

Difficult people are….

RudeObnoxiousArrogantDemanding

So we become…

DefensiveLoudWithdrawingSuperiorConfused

They are the difficult people…

And we are the nice people….

But it looks like we are doing the same thing!

Cycle of conflict

Possibly….

This can define our relationship with them

They might tell others that we are ‘difficult’

We might resent them

A Quote….

‘Resentment is like taking poison, and waiting for the other person to die’[Malachy Macourt]

Another Quote….

‘Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness which created them’ [Einstein]

Some Golden Rules:• Don't apologise• Forget about the padding• Don't explain• Concentrate on the core phrase• Have a fall back position in

mind• Be aware of body language• Don't hang around

Thomas Kilmann Communication Styles:

Thomas Kilmann Communication Styles:

Seeking to satisfy the other person’s concerns/needs at the expense of one’s own

Thomas Kilmann Communication Styles:

Neglecting our needs and others’ by not confronting the crux of the issue

Thomas Kilmann Communication Styles:

Seeking an expedient middle ground; partial satisfaction for both parties

Thomas Kilmann Communication Styles:

Working with the other person to find a solution which fully satisfies all concerns.

Thomas Kilmann Communication Styles:

Using whatever is possible to win at others’ expense.

The 3F Principle [Taylor and Lester]

Facts

Feelings

Future