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How to help your child succeed in

high school athletics!

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Warning!!!

• I am here tonight on behalf of the athletes.• Not the parents.• Not the coaches.• Not the administration.

• I may say some things that will bother you. • Think about what I have said from the

perspective of a 15-18 year old.

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Why am I bringing this up?

• Senior Surveys

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But, I’m not one of those parents…

• This message is from your child.

• Parents- don’t say this isn’t me- assume it is you.

• As a parent, you don’t have a clear perspective on your child’s ability and that is OK.

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How have things changed?

• With the creation of youth programs at earlier ages, kids play organized sports earlier than ever before.

• With more teams, more coaches are needed. Many of you have coached your own son or daughters teams.

• As parents, your generation has invested more time, money, and energy in your children’s athletic careers than any other generation.

• Kids rarely play unstructured pickup games anymore.

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The Scholarship Myth

• Less than one percent of youth will receive an athletic scholarship.

• Research shows that the ratio of academic scholarships to athletic scholarships is 70 to 1.

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Questions for the parents

• Why do you want your son or daughter to play?

• What is a good season going to be?

• What is their role going to be?

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Questions for the Athletes

• Why do you want to play?

• What is a good season going to be?

• What is your role on the team going to be?

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Have a conversation about your answers

• Parents- If there are different expectations, your child will feel forced to drop their beliefs and accept yours.

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More Questions for the Athletes

• How many of you think you know your role on the team?

• How many of you think your coach knows how you see your role on the team?

• How many of you think your parents know how you see your role on the team?

• How many of your parents think your role should be bigger than it is?

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What can a parent do?

• Release your son or daughter to their activity.

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What does this look like?

• All their successes are theirs.

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What does this look like?

• All their defeats are theirs.

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What does this look like?

• All their problems are theirs.

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What to do?

• As parents, you are on the front line in dealing with both the positive and negative emotions your child brings home.

• A parent’s role is to help support their child through the highs and lows of the season in a positive and productive way.

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But that seems like to big of a risk!

• Athletics is a safe place to do this.

• It is alright to allow your child to take the risk to compete and either succeed or fail.

• Athletics is a better environment for young people to take a risk rather than taking risks with academics, alcohol, or sex.

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Red Flags

• The following are red flags that indicate you have not released your child to their activity:• You as a parent take credit for their successes.• You try and solve all their problems.• Your kid looks at you during a game when they

make a mistake.• You continue to try and coach them.• They try to avoid you after games.• If you suffer or celebrate more than your

son/daughter after wins or losses.

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What if your child has a problem?

• What if your child comes home and says • “the coach hates me.” • “the coach is so unfair.”• “my teammates are so

mean.”

• Tell them that it sounds like they have a problem.

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What if your child has a problem?

• Teach them:• how they can address the problem. • how they can advocate for themselves.• how to talk to an authority figure.• how to deal with criticism and conflict in a

productive way.

• Be sure to remain neutral as a parent and promote positive communication with the coach.

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What do athletes need from parents, coaches, and fans?

• We all must pick a role:• Spectator• Coach• Participant• Official

• You can only have one role.

• You need to understand your role in order for athletics to be enjoyable and beneficial for your child.

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How can we be better spectators?

• Model appropriate behavior:• Confidence • Poise• Language • Body language

• “When adults behave like children, children do not learn how to become adults.”

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How can we be better spectators?

• Cheer for the team, not just your individual child.

• Allow there to be one instructional voice.• If you don’t, your child has

to choose between their coach or you. Either way, they will disappoint an adult in their life.

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What do athletes need from parents, coaches, and fans?

• After a game kids want time and space from adults. Give them time to recover from the game. They will talk about it when they are ready. • “The car ride home with my dad is

the worse part of the game for me.”

• Avoid talking negatively about other players or strategies. This destroys the relationship between teammates and coaches.

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Hmmmmm???

• What would we see if I video taped the parent section at our home games this season?

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What is the best thing you can say to your child after a game?

“I love watching you play.”

“I love you, and I am proud of you.” 

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I thank you, and your kids thank you.

Information Taken from:

Brown, Bruce. “The Role of Parents in Athletics.” Coaches Choice Video. 2002.

Hockenbury, Ed. “Learning From the Negative: A Positive Perspective on High School Athletics.” High School Today. February, 2010.

Positive Coaching Alliance. www.positivecoach.org

Redman, Jody. “Hey, How’d Ya Do?” MSHSL Bulletin. Winter, 2010.