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Managing Your Relationship with Your Boss:

Managing Your Relationship with Your Boss:Don't Set Yourself Up for Failure

Presented by:Rob Orr, SPHR

HR Consultant

“We’re running as an economy at 30% efficiency”

“We’re running as an economy at 30% efficiency”

Curt CoffmanEmployee Engagement Global Practice Leader,

The Gallup Organization

HRMagazine, February 2004

Session ObjectivesSession Objectives

• Identify the cues to watch out for

• Recognize how you might contribute to the problem

• Identify steps you can take to turn the situation around

By the end of the session, you will be able to:

AgendaAgenda

• Review purpose and desired outcomes

• Difficult Bosses

• The Set-Up-To-Fail Syndrome

• How Subordinates Contribute

• Taking Responsibility

• Summary

Your Difficult BossYour Difficult Boss

Use the worksheet to describe a difficult boss that you have known

The Difficult BossThe Difficult Boss

1. Negative, mean spirited

2. Autocratic

3. ______________________________

4. ______________________________

5. ______________________________

6. ______________________________

7. ______________________________

8. ______________________________

The Set-Up-To Fail SyndromeThe Set-Up-To Fail Syndrome

• Widespread

• Insidious & Pernicious

• Based on “Common Wisdom”

Common WisdomCommon Wisdom

Three Groups

• Stronger Performers

• Weaker Performers

• Deadwood

Different Strokes for Different Folks…

Different Strokes for Different Folks…

Bosses consciously treat stronger and weaker performers differently

– Stronger performers get autonomy

– Weaker performers get help

– Deadwood gets an invitation to leave

The Downward SpiralThe Downward Spiral

Performance Management Models

Performance Management Models

• Situational Leadership Theory©

• Interaction Management®

• Leadership for Results™

Don’t these “Common Sense” Models prescribe just that?

Labels, Biases, & MisperceptionsLabels, Biases, & Misperceptions

Having formed an opinion, our minds draw on all possible evidence to support it. When confronted with evidence that contradicts our viewpoint, we overlook it or denigrate it, or find some other way of writing it off. That way we can cling to our original opinion as though it were a universal truth.

Francis Bacon, 1620(updated language byManzoni & Barsoux.)

How does this start?How does this start?

Loss of Confidence in Subordinates

Triggers of Lost ConfidenceTriggers of Lost Confidence

What would you say?

Triggers of Lost ConfidenceTriggers of Lost Confidence

• Disloyalty

• Complaining

• Negative attitude

• Low engagement or energy

• Low-self-confidence

• Insensitivity to signals

• Know-it-all

• Disrespect for Boss’s time

• Blatantly political

• Extrinsic motivation

• Trying too hard

Perceiving PerformancePerceiving Performance

What about objective performance measures ?

Perceiving PerformancePerceiving Performance

Goal Commitment and Sales Performance

0.7 In-Group

Stronger Perf.

-0.83

-0.19

- 0.26

Out -Group

Weaker Perf. -

-1

-0.8

-0.6

-0.4

-0.2

0

0.2

0.4

0.6

0.8

1

Low High

Goal Commitment

Sta

ndard

ized S

ale

s P

erf

orm

ance

In-Groups and Out-GroupsIn-Groups and Out-Groups

• 80-90% of managers have sharply differentiated relationships with subordinates.

• In-Group members have close partnerships as “trusted assistants.”

• Out-Group members have low-quality relationships as “hired-hands.”

Performance PerceptionsPerformance Perceptions

• No correlation between objective performance & relationship quality:1993 – Duarte, Goodson, & Klich

• Very high correlation between “liking”and in-group status:1990 – Wayne & Ferris

• Boss expectation in 1st week a better predictor of “in-group status” than actual performance at end of 2nd week1993 – Liden, Wayne, & Stilwell

The Self-Reinforcing Dynamic The Self-Reinforcing Dynamic

Boss’s behavior toward “weaker” performers

Boss is increasingly

impatient pushy or

intense during contacts

Subordinate progressively disconnects

Subordinate looks for excuses

Boss is not well informed

Boss is less able to make useful suggestions

Boss‘s anxiety increases

Problem recognition is delayed

More problems arise

Subordinate performs less well overall

Subordinate spends time on excuses (rather than problem solving)

Boss loses faith in Subordinate's excuses

RealityReality

“Good people can quickly end up with bad labels. That needn’t be a problem. The boss’s inaccurate label becomes a problem because it is so hard to change.”

Jean-François Manzoni & Jean-Louis Barsoux

The Set-Up-To-Fail Syndrome

Are You in the Out-Group?Are You in the Out-Group?

Let’s take a look!

Refer to the answers on Your Difficult Boss worksheet

Your Difficult BossYour Difficult Boss

In small groups, share:– the situations you described on page 5

– the factors that contributed to the situation

Agree on the common factors( Write on page 18.)

“What is there in your approach or way of managing the situation that might be contributing to the problem or getting in the way of its resolution?”

“What is there in your approach or way of managing the situation that might be contributing to the problem or getting in the way of its resolution?”

Peter BlockFlawless Consulting, Second Edition2000, Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer

Cues for SubordinatesCues for Subordinates

• Attribution of negative personal characteristics

• Tendency to reduce contact with Boss

• Diminished self-confidence

• Hyper vigilance of Boss behavior

• Takes feedback with “a grain of salt”

• Tendency to bring up the past

• Reputation as “the person most likely to disagree with the boss”

• Tendency to engage in covert lobbying

The Difficult BossThe Difficult Boss

1. Negative, mean spirited

2. Autocratic

3. Stickler for details, intolerant, impossible to please

4. Intimidating, treats people as resources

5. Unrealistic

6. Stubborn; impossible to influence

7. Manipulative

8. Meddlesome; untrusting

9. Control freak; micro manager; evaluative

10. Uncommunicative; aloof; unsupportive

11. Weak, prone to favoritism; low performance standards

12. Impatient; temperamental; unpredictable

13. Ignorant bureaucrat; clueless; defensive

14. Stifling my development

The “Great Boss”The “Great Boss”

1. Development-oriented

2. Intuitive; decisive

3. Has high expectations and aspirations

4. Driven

5. Demanding; has high aspirations

6. Single-minded; focused

7. Politically astute

8. Helpful; caring

9. Encouraging; coaching; informed; close to the pulse

10.Thoughtful, busy

11.Allows self-discovery

12.Passionate; incisive; mercurial; (at worst) impulsive

13.Realistic; better judge; aware of interdependencies; victim of a poorly sold change

14.Considerate; letting me recover

The Observed BehaviorsThe Observed Behaviors

1. Giving critical feedback

2. Making a unilateral decision

3. Instructing work to be redone

4. Imposing discipline

5. Setting stretch targets

6. Sticking with a doubtful course of action

7. Sending mixed signals

8. Giving unsolicited advice

9. Asking specific questions

10. Delaying response to proposal/ request

11. Not condemning a big mistake

12. Losing temper in public

13. Resisting a proposed change

14. Giving a routine assignment

Perception is RealityPerception is Reality

Lacks loyalty and integrity

Personal betrayal

To make things better

Covert lobbying

Lacks judgment, self-control & discipline

Challenging, foolish resistance

To be heardHolding ground with Boss

Lacks judgment & maturity

Water under the bridge

Avoid repetition

Bringing up the past

Anti-learning, lacks potential & respect

Ignored feedback

EffectivenessDiscounting feedback

Boss infersBoss seesIntentAction

Cues for SubordinatesCues for Subordinates

• Attribution of negative personal characteristics

• Tendency to reduce contact with Boss

• Diminished self-confidence

• Hyper vigilance of Boss behavior

• Takes feedback with “a grain of salt”

• Tendency to bring up the past

• Reputation as “the person most likely to disagree with the boss”

• Tendency to engage in covert lobbying

Taking ResponsibilityTaking Responsibility

• Stop digging

• Start talking

• Accomplish some tasks


• Stop digging

– Get your job in order

– Get your head in order

– Don’t rush it

• Start talking



• Stop digging

• Start talking

– Increase contact with boss

– Make it easy for the boss

– Invite your boss to a meeting

– Have a new conversation



• Stop digging

• Start talking


– Maintain your own self-confidence

– Fight the urge to withdraw

– Don’t overreach

Things to RememberThings to Remember

• Know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em.

• There is no one to blame.

• Let go of expectations of your boss.

• Offer the benefit of the doubt.

• Produce hope, rather than pursue it.

The Set-Up-To Fail SyndromeThe Set-Up-To Fail Syndrome

Loss of Confidence •• WidespreadWidespread

•• Insidious & PerniciousInsidious & Pernicious

•• Based on Based on ““Common WisdomCommon Wisdom””

Managing Your Relationship with Your Boss:

Managing Your Relationship with Your Boss:Don't Set Yourself Up for Failure

Presented by:Rob Orr, SPHR

HR Consultant