Download doc - What are "Millions of Benefits" of Idol Worship

Some of the

"Millions of Benefits"

of

Idol Worship!!

Preface

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most merciful. It was on the thread "No Muslim can profane the name of Prophet of Islam" of TOPIX, where I got engaged in discussion with some of our Hindu Friends on the topic of idol Worship.

It was strange to see people trying to give "justification" about Idol Worship in this age. I tried all logic and reason and referred them to the views of Swami DAYANANDA SARASWATI , the founder of Arya Samaj as recorded in his famous book SATYARTHA PRAKASH, but the more arguments I gave, the more stubborn they became.

So I tried to change the tactic and wrote this monograph showing the "benefits" of idol worship from a humorist point of view.

How far I was successful in this, I leave the readers to decide. But my aim was not to hurt the feelings of any one, but for people to see, how much unreasonable is for people not to see their mistake in continuing this practice.

The examples might seen hilarious but most of them do happen with regularity in daily life of India and are not very far fetched.

If some one is able to find out true worth of Idol Worship by reading this article, I would feel that my purpose is met.

I seek forgiveness from Allah, if I have knowingly hurt sentiments of any particular person.

M.U. QidwaiJubailJan 2013

Some of the Millions of Benefits of Idol Worship (TARK or KUTARK? You decide) Part-1

A. Introduction:

a. It is pity that our Hindu Brothers adopt “Cow like” and “Inferiority complex filled” response to justify their Idol Worship.

They bleat like goats trying to prove Muslims also perform Idol worship by bowing towards Kaaba and Kissing that Black Stone fixed in Kaaba.

I feel they are doing themselves injustice; they should come out with Clean Faces saying “We Invented Idol Worship and brought it to that level where no one in the world can match us”!!

b. We are unquestioned leader holding banner of Idol Worship in the World.

When every other religion has renegaded and turned its back on Idol worship, we Hindus have kept the flag of Idol worship flying with full fervor.

c. Why continue to perform Idol Worship?

It has so many benefits and has bestowed so many blessings on our country that we cannot even imagine to live without it.

d. While it is true that some of our “Inferior Scholars” like Swami DAYANANDA and some of his “poorly guided disciples” spoke against Idol worship and even broke up a few idols, the “majority of our Most Eminent Scholars” are unanimous that Idol Worship is what is allowed and justified by our Oldest Scriptures.

B. India, an Ideal Country for Idol Worship:

Our gods when they created the world selected a land which was to be their permanent residence. That was the land of India!!

The very shape of India is like a tall graceful woman (wrong, the length and breadth of AKHAND BHARAT are just equal, it would be a very poorly shaped woman, like a Sumo Wrestler!! Unless of course we “chisel off” Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, NE states- MUQ), Holding a Tricolor (to show that NE is also part of India- MUQ)

It is protected from two sides with Oceans and no enemy can come from that side (Obviously our gods had forgotten about Britishers that would invade India many centuries later- MUQ).

Himalaya Mountain separates it from these cursed Chinese. New Races come to India from North side and their exit is from Burma to Indo China region.

Many races including our Aryans forefathers came from that side and made India permanent habitat for our gods and idols.

When any barbarian race invaded India, after some time, it was trapped into Idol worship (True, since they were not civilized and had no religion of their own – MUQ)

Mountains, Rivers, agriculture, fruits, cows, goats, monkeys, snakes, (Scorpions, Mosquitoes, Flies too – MUQ) India was almost self sufficient in every need and that is ideal atmosphere where Idol worship can take roots.

C. “Feeble” attempts to stop Idol Worship:

e. There was NEVER a period in Indian history, Vedic or Post or Pre Vedic when India was not a country filled with Idols and Idol Worshippers.

f. It were those cursed Buddhists and Janis's that tried to break our monopoly on Idol Worship and turned Indians away from Idol Worship, but soon we “overcame” that hurdle and banished Buddhists and Buddhism away from Indian boundaries.

All their VIHARS and STUPAS vanished from India and transformed into Idol filled Temples. In fact it was a Miracle from some of our gods; we do not know which one though.

Needless to say that not a single drop of blood was shed in the whole process ….we Hindus are so much against blood sacrifice, you know.

D. Darkness Engulfs India:

g. Our Idol worship was hampered when feet of these cursed Muslims touched the ground of our beautiful and peaceful country, a handful of these savages and barbarians turned our peaceful country into virtual hell. They defeated our very large armies and ruled over our country.

We are sad to say that it was mistake and oversight of our gods. If they would have sealed off that “hole in KHYBER PASS” how could these barbarians and savages reach India (Oh, what a logic- MUQ)

h. If only all Hindus had united and fought like One Army and defeated those Savages and Barbarians from our lands, India would still be a country filled with idols and idols every where (as if it is not now- MUQ).

Some Stupid historians say that our defeat was due to the fact that there was nothing like a United Hindu army in those days, and India consisted of thousands of small kingdoms each worshipping their own idols, needless to say that these historians are stupid and funded by either Communists or these Barbarians and savages.

Main reason is that our Forefathers of the time, never thought about it, otherwise the task would have been like a piece of cake (and we did not know what is cake in those days- that is another problem – MUQ)

They killed 80 or 800 or 8000 millions (depends on which group of Hindu Extremist Organization you belong to- MUQ) of our brothers in their misrule of 800-1000 years.

h. They broke our idols, they burnt our Universities, tore our scriptures, killed our cows, goat and monkeys, ate our babies (oops I got carried away – MUQ), and we could not do any thing but weep and weep like old ladies. How we could unite and fight these handful Muslims?

i. Those Barbarians could not even construct their own places of worship; they just occupied our temples and turned them into their mosques. Even today 3, 000 to 30, 000 to 300,000 (again it belongs to which Extremist Hindu Organization you belong to – MUQ) temples are still being used as mosques.

We will not rest until we convert them back into temples and fill them with Idols of our own choice

E. Hindus Saved at last:

k. It was our good luck that our Saviors came in the form of Britishers; they broke the Chain of our bondage and paid these cursed Muslim in their own coin.

And we were free to do our Idol Worship once again without any interference from the “Top”.

l. We thought that we had done with these Cursed Muslims when India was portioned, we imagined that all Muslims will go to Pakistan and India will once again will become Hindu Rashtra as if was for thousands of years before these cursed Muslims came here.

m. But we were surprised that our Political Leaders had made a mess once again and a sizable numbers (many hundred of millions to be exact- MUQ) were still left to soil our holy soil.

We expected at least that these Muslims will stay put and allowed themselves to be killed like cows and goats (as we were dealt by their forefathers- MUQ) and at least will not have nerve to speak against our Idol Worship….

n. But we were surprised once again when these cursed Muslims started speaking against our Idol Worship and started ridiculing us, instead of being ashamed of their stupid Monotheism and worshipping a God without any form!!

Did they not see that our Idols had defeated their Formless God and we kicked their ass in the wars which we fought? What else was at stake? Our idols against their Formless God

o. Has any one ever heard of any one god without any form? Is he a Gas or Vapour? How can such a weirdo think or plan or execute any thing? He has no eyes, no ears, no hands and even no brain!! Only people without brain can be attracted to such a weird “looking” god (provided they can “see” Gas or Vapour- MUQ)

What a stupid Idea? How can one worship someone or some thing that he cannot visualize? It is the most stupid idea that one can think of.

p. And we are surprised once more that many of our Religious Scholars instead of attacking these Muslims against their “formless god”, started to convince them and us that Muslims also perform Idol Worship too!!

What a weaklings these Apologizers are. We need people like THACKREY, TOGARIA, MODI and RSS and BAJRANGDAL who just start abusing and insulting and use force against these followers of “Formless god”, what right they have to question our Idol Worship? Did we question their “Formless god” worshipping in past 1200 years?

And why should we stop Idol Worship? It has more benefits than one can think of and it is time that we educate these Savages and some of our brothers who have doubts about the benefits of Idol worship and try to convince themselves and others that Idol worship is a sort of formless worship (pardon me, if you did not understand it, I also could not understand it, I in fact borrowed it from Trinitarians, people who worship One God in Three Persons, each one of them being God, but there is One God- MUQ)

That is why I have taken by pen (I mean computer key board- MUQ) and list out so many benefits of Idol Worship, that I can think of.

A. Idol Worship and Freedom of Thought and Expression

1. It is Idol Worship which gives us Freedom of Thought. We design our gods ourselves instead of some one from above preventing us to only worship a “formless God”.

2. Is it not marvelous that we came up with so many ideas and ingenuinity that every one is wondering at our genius!! These Formless God worshippers are so dumb that they cannot even decode what these (horrible- MUQ) shapes represent.

3. For example that Inhuman form with four heads represents Creator who is seeing in all Four Directions!! (what about Up and Down Directions ?- MUQ)

Well some one could come up with another six headed figure that has one head on top and one under the feet!! That is the beauty when you have full freedom. There is no restriction on your thinking (most of those SCI-FI writers got brain waves after a tour to our temples and caves (especially in KHAJURAJHO and AJANTA and ELORA- MUQ)

4. And another with eight hands hold Eight Powers that are “allotted” to that god (why only Eight -MUQ?)

Do not ask dumb Questions, if it is “Proven from Scripture” that this god had more than eight powers or weapons we could add some more arms in their next incarnation, right?

5. And one with moon and snake hanging around denotes beauty and death at the same time (it was lucky that no one knew that Moon is such a heavy round object when they designed that god- MUQ).

6. And then that object with genitals of men and woman, well that was a real genius and deserved Nobel Prize for the designer!! It picturised the act of Creation, what a great stroke of genius!! And when women sit on that object, they get fertilized right away. How these goons would understand these Finer points!!

7. And we have made each and every object into some form of god or another, we have Elephant god, we have Monkey god, we have Snake god and of course the Cow is god personified.

8. And we have gods in the shape of male and female and child and old men… so there is no limitation on our imaginations and it provides real freedom.

9. And then it is not the end, there is always room for new gods and new designs and new ideas. Gods like SANTOSHI MATA could come after success of one Film and then fade away from where they came from.

And if some one is not satisfied with these stone and picture gods that do not move, we have many “living gods” too. There is no shortage of these “Human gods” SAI BABA

and RAJNEESH and every one who knows tricks of the field can claim to be god and they are accepted by folks and showered with money and gifts and wealth.

Gandhi, and Sachin and Big B and Aishwarya Rai and so many else in line to become “future gods”.

And we are indeed sorry that some of our “weaker sections” (the ones whom we cursed and rejected as Hindus- MUQ) have taken up Ambedkar, Kanshi Ram and even Mayawati as gods (This is always the problem when you open the gate- MUQ).

If there were no issues like Election and Mandal Commission, we would have cleared our blessed lands with these “false gods” but we “Know” when to keep our mouth shut and see which side of the bread is buttered. Right now our target is these cursed Muslims.

10. And those dumb Formless God Worshippers? They are real dumb. They bow down to the “same God” every time, to the end of their life.

They do not realize the Joy which Idol worship gives us. We worship one god in the morning another in the evening and another in the night, and next day we change the position and third day we get new gods to replace all of them The fun never stops.

11. If we fell disgusted with one god (for not granting our wishes as happens in so many films- MUQ) , we can always throw him or her in the dustbin and get another in its place.

12. However most of us keep and worship as many gods as we can and we are nor sure when any one of them turn against us and harm us. So we want to stay on the safe side of every god.

And what is strange that many of our folks and worship on the graves of so called saints of these Cursed Formless God followers. What could be more disgusting? Once we get our Hindu Rashtra, we will remove all these graves as we will remove all these cursed mosques which are eyesore on our Beautiful India and remind us of Somenath and Ram Birthplace and Krishna and KASHI temple every time we look at it.

Minarets in Hindu India? No one saw any one 1400 years back, why they should see it now (What about those sky scrappers- no one saw those either 1400 years back? – MUQ)

Considering all in all, Idol Worship provides us true freedom to design our god, pick and choose which one “We” want and makes our lives lively.

B. Mode of Transports of our gods, oh what a Stroke of Genius and Choice!!:

13. Just like the freedom given to us is designing our gods, we get the same freedom to choose their transports. I doubt any other nation or religion gave that much thought to satisfy the transportation need of their gods and goddesses as we Hindus did. Here are a few examples.

14. One of our gods, who is supposed to take care of Welfare and Well-being of all concerned, is always reclining in a great ocean with a bed formed of a Big Snake (not Big B you stupid, Big S - MUQ) ,

Who could think the Idea of Snake as a Couch? We did it and we demand applause from the audience!! (actually that god is sleeping away from his job- MUQ) , This is another side of these stupid questions and answers things.

15. Then the one with Elephant head chooses rat at his mode of transport, can you beat it!! Elephant and Rat? Might with Humility? Remember all those Elephants and Mouse stories, they have origin in Hinduism,

16. And the goddess of Wealth (LAKSHMI) chooses Owl as her ride, Owl is known for its slow wit, so it gives the idea that Wealth generally goes to dumb, low wits and less educated. We explained all of that in the choice of mount. Genius, is it not?

17. Then the mount of Lord of Death is a male buffalo, what a fitting mount for someone doing the “dirty work”!! But be assured that Male Buffalo will not break your window when your death time comes, it is only Imaginary!!

18. And the mount of goddess of learning (it is goddesses and not god, all these fine works are given to female gods, might explain while girls beat boys in all these CBSE and Other exams!!- MUQ) is Swan. And Swan is known for its beauty and peaceful nature. So the education comes to those who show swan like characteristics.

19. If any one analyzes all the modes of transports for our different gods, they would realize the genius and so many considerations that we took in picking and selecting for each god and the job they are supposed to do.

(And what about the “latest transports”? Like Cars, Planes, Helicopters, Rockets and Drones?- MUQ) Well we are sure that in the “New Edition” of our gods’ transport all of that will be accommodated. That is what makes Idol Worship so much fun!!

It gives us freedom of thought and Expression, some thing that those DUMBIES of Formless God worshippers can never achieve

What you think about this Episode? Is it TARK or KUTARK?


C. Keeping up with Time: (Color Scheme and Dress Department)

20. And another feature that makes Idol Worship so exciting and so joyful is that it is always current with times.

21. See it this way, when the “originals” of those god and goddess came up, they were clothed with what clothes and designs were vogue at that time. The gods using the DHOTI and goddesses with a Single Sari like cloth.

22. When the times changed, we upgraded the clothes of gods and goddesses to match with the fashion of times and now we draw them with the clothes that are current.

23. No one can say we lag behind time. Our latest models of goddesses wear designers saris and designer jewelries and have all that make up like “Lipstick” and “Fair and Lovely” facial treatment.

24. All that is part with keeping with time and never be tagged with the title of Dinosaurs!!

(And what about the “latest Western Clothes” like Pants and Shirts for males and Micro and Mini Skirts for females?- MUQ)

Yes we are trying our hands at that too, recently some one tried with Krishna appearing in Jeans and Shirts and Goggles, the reaction from field was not to our liking, but that was initial reaction. We are sure that with a little more time, female gods will come wearing Micro and Mini Skirts, what is in dress any way, it is your dirty thoughts that actually matter

And to tell you the truth, we are fed with these types of idiotic questions from these DUMBIES, whose senses of beauty and vibrancy are stunted by their Constant Worship of some Formless and changeless God.

Had it not been for Idol worship, we would lack all this fun and joy and creativity and progress and keeping with times and leadership in Software Industry (Oops, Again I got carried over, I must control my emotions- MUQ)



D. Breaking National and International Boundaries:

25. Another advantage of Idol worship is that it breaks national and international boundaries. Every nation can design its own version and worship our god and goddess in different forms.

26. Indian Buddha and Chinese Buddha might look different from each other, but believe me they are same. If they look different to you it is problem of your eyes and not of the makers of those statues. (The same confusion of Trinitarians as they see Three Persons but see only One God- MUQ)

27. And shapes of gods of North India and South India (and even their names- MUQ) are different from each other, no one can visualize that they are same, but do not worry, they are same.

28. We painted some gods in blue and some in red and some in white (to keep up with the Technicolor idea, it was another invention from India, went unrecognized by the world as they failed to recognize so many revolutionary and original ideas from Hindus and Idol makers- MUQ) , It gives freedom to other people and nation to make their choice.

29. When Africa adopts Hinduism (in remote future any way- MUQ) they can design their gods with black faces and their national dress. We would like to see their LAKSHMIS and SARASWATIS and PARVATIS and compare it with ours, (we might even have an International Idol designers festival award prizes. Why waste so much money on Olympics while such a vast field is open for competition- MUQ.

30. And in the same way when Europe and America adopts Hinduism (in even more remote future- MUQ) that would be an exciting time in the field of Idol Design. We would get all these gods and goddesses in their “White” model and goddesses with the Most Modern Clothes. What we cannot show in India, Our Western Hindu Brothers would be able to do it.

31. That is why we send so many of our Hindu Gurus and Swamis to US and Europe. But these people instead of preaching Idol Worship start educating these people with Yoga and Meditation, Oh what wastage of time and energy, Oh what wastage.

32. What we want to assure all our Idol Worshippers in India that future of Idol Worship is very bright and it is taking root in Africa and Europe and America and very soon the whole world will be filled with Idol Worshippers and Idols will rule over the world.

Compared to increase the Idol Worshippers, the increase in numbers of “Formless God Worshippers” is negligible (Do not believe in figures and statistics which these DUMBOS present, it is all Hogwash- MUQ)


E. Maintaining Peace in Family (gods and goddesses for every one!!)

33. And exciting thing about Idol worship is that it maintains peace in the family.

Each member of the family can have their own individual male or female god and eachis happy and contended.

How can these followers of “One Formless God” match with the needs of every member of their family?

34. While Grandparents (DADA , DADI, NANA NANI- MUQ) are content with idols of Brahma, Vishnu and MAHESH (old gods, so to say the original models- MUQ), other members choose gods of their own liking for example:

DAD can keep the figure and idol of LAKSHMI, PARVATI and SARASWAT and HEMA MALINI (oops, again I got carried away- MUQ) under his pillow and look at them now and then when sleep eludes him (and wife thinks how devoted to worship of god her husband is- MUQ) and dream for their companionship,

MOM can keep her own masculine Ram or Krishna and Hanuman (Bigger Hanuman, not CHOTA HANUMAN- MUQ) statues and do the same.

Children can have their own Hanumans (Big or Small, he is always on all time popularity list- MUQ) or Ganeshas and play with them.

There is no religion which gives so much freedom and peace in the family.

35. And scene in the morning and evening is really hilarious when all the devotees start singing praises of their gods at the same time (as each one is in hurry to go to their work site – MUQ).

No one can hear or understand what is going on. Compare that joy and confusion with the prayers of those Formless God worshippers. Only the Imam recites Quran and they like Dumb people listen, how boring, how boring, Oh how boring indeed.

36. And then we earmarked some gods and goddesses to certain groups. BANIAS (traders- MUQ) always pick Ganesha and LAKHSHMI as their gods and goddesses. People of each trade like wise give preference to own gods males or females.

37. We are told that Bachelors prefer Hanuman as their god (Was Hanuman unmarried?- MUQ) No one knows but the beauty of Idol Worship is that you do not care about logic or reason. When there is freedom why worry about these?

38. And we NEVER heard about any fight of Hindus over which god to worship (What about past fights- MUQ). That is all imaginations of biased and Communist Historians.

There was NEVER EVER ANY FIGHT (mark the capital letters- MUQ) over which god to worship in all 1,000,000 year old History of Hinduism.

In fact we gave choice so that there be no fight. We have more idols than the number of followers, so why will be fight over idols? Sounds reasonable? (Not to me- MUQ), then you are an idiot!!

39. And what looks strange, even those whom we treat as unclean and not worthy to enter our temples (people of Shudras or low castes, the ones with highest numbers of voters in Modern India- MUQ), even they can have their own (unclean – MUQ) gods!! Can any one be more generous?

“Only” thing we demand from these people that they stay away from our “clean” temples and places of worship and worship their (unclean-MUQ) gods in their own houses and localities.

Has anyone heard of such Big Heartedness (Not Big B, you stupid, why every time your needle sticks to Big B when you hear the word big? – MUQ) and Generosity in any other religion? (How can one see that as a virtue? – MUQ)40. And our gods can enter into Cartoon world seamlessly. We started with Hanuman and created CHOTA Hanuman and that was instant success with our children.

There were no riots and no murders when that Cartoon series was launched. Compare that with the hate compaign when cartoons of “some” prophet of God were published and how much uproar it caused.

What is in shape, any way? Unless you worship Idols you cannot reach to the bottom of truth (bottom of insensitiveness- MUQ).

People who worship Idols in any Form (like our Christian Brothers- MUQ) become insensitive to the shape and cartoon and fun we make of our gods.

The moment we create our own shape, makes us insensitive of shapes and caricatures. We just see them as people with different sense of understanding.

41. This basic fact is hidden from these weirdoes who “Must” worship their God without form. They see every picture and photo and cartoon as an affront against their religion and raise the hell on earth.

They say we hurt their sensitivities, what about when our sensitivities are “hurt” when we are “prevented” from making Cartoons and caricatures and fun of their God and Prophet? (Perfect Example of KUTARK if there is one- MUQ).

Why we sacrifice “Our” Freedom of thought and Expression on their behalf (Another KUTARK- MUQ).

“Only” solution to solve this problem is to “force” these people to either worship Idols or allow us to do what “we” want to do with “Their” God and “Their” prophet (another KUTARK at work here – MUQ)

Considering all the pros and cons (cons and cons in fact – MUQ) Idol worship is what keeps our family contended and our nation peaceful and we get blessings from so many gods and goddesses at the same time. I wish some one’ “Formless God” could match with what we get!!

How can we live without our Idols? Oh what an empty place will be this world with all idols gone, we are ready to risk hell fire but will never ever leave our idols and idol worship.

In fact if our priests allow, we might take our “selected idols” to our burning pyres and let them burn with us, why only we face the pain and not out gods? (It is TARK and not KUTARK- MUQ)



F. Craftsmen Engaged Full Time:

42. This is a fact which is hidden from many; that it is Idol Worship which keeps so many of our craftsmen employed and busy full time in their jobs.

43. If we remove Idol worship, where all these craftsmen go? (They would be performing some thing which is worthy and add to Gross National Product- MUQ), do not interrupt me with your stupid and “outdated” ideas.

44. Let us see how many different trades are involved in our business (racket- MUQ:

a. KUMHARS (Potters- for small statues and Sculptures for Big Statues MUQ): Hundreds of thousands of people all over India are busy full time in making of these idols. They sell like Hot cake and on occasions of Festivals, the demand is so much that they sell last year’s models and even stolen statues from Temples and Houses.

During Festivals like GANESH CHATURTHY (Birthday? Of Lord GANESHA – MUQ) they have to do many On Site installations and work almost 25 hours a day (but there are only 24 Hours in a day – MUQ). Do not interrupt you Idiot, how can you understand these things.

Imagine what these people will do if they was no Idol Worship in country? (They could do useful job like making models of machines, cars, Mobiles and so many things and add to GDP instead of all these hours going waste- MUQ). That is the problem with you people who want to cut down on Religion Cost, worshipping Formless God saves you all the money. What else is the purpose of money if it does not return back to God?

b. RANGREZ (Painters- MUQ) Once the outer form of idol is ready, painters of all age and size work on painting and doing “makeup” of these idols and statues, this is a time consuming work and needs lots and lots of manhour and painstaking research work. And when any house is repainted, painting of idols in house-temples is undertaken. This allows for full time jobs to thousands of people. (Do not start that argument over GDP and useful and use less work you Idiot, once we discussed it, it is final)

c. DARZI: (Tailors- MUQ) Next come tailors who have to design cloth and jewelry for large and life size? And more than life time statues of our gods and goddesses. In this we take care to use latest models and best and finest silk and dressing materials (wastage of national treasure- MUQ), Told you many times not to butt in when serious discussion is at hand.

And the same rush is there when there is festival and Birthdays? Of so many of our gods. All this useful and productive work would go to waste if there was no idol worship (God

Forbid, was is Formless God or without form, I am not sure) where these people will go, who will feed them?

d. LUHARS: (Metal Workers- MUQ) they make armors and Swords and GADAS for our gods. GADAS of Hanumans are very heavy and cost a fair amount of money. (also useful during riots, especially breaking head and walls- MUQ)

e. SUNARS: (Goldsmiths): They are used for “High End” Idols and for special jobs. They design Head Gears and thrones and Jewelry of our VIP gods. This is a costly matter and requires special handling. The money spent is always kept secret and no source of income is ever given to IT or IRS people.

There are lots of interesting stories and discoveries of many scientific laws are associated with these SUNARS.

There was a Famous SUNAR named Archimedes in Greek some 2500 years ago (He was not a SUNAR, he was a scientist and philosopher- MUQ). Shut up and do not interrupt that is how we “Create” History. And this is the technique using which we “Proved” that these Muslim Mosques and Monuments are in fact Ancient Hindu temples ….these people will never stop interrupting.

Where was I, yes this SUNAR named Archimedes was once taking bath with a golden crown designed for a VIP idol, when suddenly he got the Idea known to day as Archimedes Principle!! What it is we do not really know, we can always show you in our science books.

Many discoveries of science and engineering relate to our Idol worship, only problem is people in the west are not aware of.

g. MALIS and MALINS (Not MALINI you sexual pervert, always thinking of HEMA MALINI): (Male and Female Florists): This is a Big time business and main use of the flowers in India.

There are three main usages of flowers in India, Garlands for Political Leaders and Ministers, for dead bodies and for temples.

It is needless to say that requirement of Temples is more than all others combined and it is given first priority.

In fact used flowers from Temples are sent to make garlands for Political Leaders and NETAS!! (Serve them right- MUQ)

h. HALWAEES: (Sweetmeat vendors- MUQ): Coming next to MALINS are HALWAEES. What our gods like is sweets and more sweets and more sweets.

They like them in the form of LADDOS, IMIRTIES, AND JALEBIS AND BURFI, and PEDAS …. (the more the better- MUQ). There was nothing like Diabetes in ancient India so no one minds eating lots and lots of sweets.

This combination of flowers and sweets makes our temples known from very far. The flies and peculiar smell of flours and water and sweets all mixed with each other will help locate any temple form the distance of at least 100 meters (it also attracts stray cows, goats, dogs, rats, is no body’s business- MUQ)

I. MISTRIES: (Masons – MUQ): They are needed to construct new temples and repair old temples and their demands is very high during festival season. Many of these are needed to work in “night shifts” when Land Grabbing operation is going on (explained separately under another heading- MUQ). As new temple construction is a very thriving business in India, many more temples come up than schools and hospitals and factories and industry (Don’t you start that GDP debate, you Moron).

All this adds to national wealth. If some one ever thought of buying India, the cost of temples itself will turn them away.

j. BADHAIS: (Carpenters- MUQ): They are needed to erect PANDALS and SHAMIANAS during festive seasons. They might not be that much in demand but they also have their shares.

Then there are other trades like GANDHIS (Perfume Makers – MUQ) who supply incense in tons to these temples.

MOCHEES (Shoe makers- MUQ) who replace the shoes stolen from temples from the devotees (actually it is full time business, who picks the shoes of these people? – MUQ) and many types of trade and craft people get their livelihood from serving gods and temples and idols. How can these “Formless God” worshippers match us in no much (national wastage? – MUQ) No, national output.


F. Keeping various Craftsmen Engaged (Contd.)

k. Side Trades:

Then there are some side trades who eat off from temples and idols, these are our parasites to say, but to make a full record we provide some details of them also:

k1: BHIKARIS (Beggars- MUQ): This is a full time business in India, The number of people involved in this useful “trade” outnumber honest bread earners by a ratio not less than 10 to 1. With every 1 honest worker, there are at least 10 BHIKARIS in India. And they come in every size and shape.

They include poor and destitute, people with physical disabilities, Alcoholics, and Drug addicts, SADHUS and MAHATMAS and Priests and temple worker (Do not count SADHUS and MAHATMAS and Priests as Beggars you idiot) (What else they do except take peoples money on one pretext or another- MUQ)

K2. GIRAHKAT and CHORS (Pickpocket and petty thieves): They are active in picking the pockets of devotees and get away with luggage and belongings of the devotees.

Their numbers peaks during festivals and large religious gathering. It is fun to watch their activities and how much ingenuity they show in their line of work. (If they could use that time in Honest work- MUQ) What is wrong with you?

Can any one earn their living by more (dis) Honest way than these guys.

K3. DACOITS (Big Thieves- MUQ): These are “terrorists” in the Temple trade business so to say. They do away with Golden ornaments and Jewelry and even steal the old and ancient idols and sculptures from old and ancient temples.

They usually sell these ancient idols and sculptors to Western People at high cost. It is estimated that number of ancient idols and sculptors in Western World is now many times more than their numbers in India (serves them right, these Western fools buying something which is dirt cheap in India- MUQ).

These people are actually beneficiaries of India, they bring so much (undeclared) foreign Exchange to India without any hard work. It is pity that Govt. tries to arrest these people instead of rewarding them.

K4. Idol Swappers: This is a specie found only in India and we have a world patent on this. These highly Creative (or Crafty- MUQ) people replace the ancient idols and ancient Jewelry with cheap counterfeits and sell off those antiques in the World Antiques Market.

Their each “kill” runs into hundreds of thousands of Rupees. And what is more, these dumb witted priests and devotees do not get any suspicions. And what is more the gods also do not notice the switch and continue to bless the community!! Who says crime does not pay?

K4a. Land Grabbers: these are actually our Business Development Division; They grab empty land and Govt. Land and Graveyard Lands and Mosque lands and Private Lands and Public Lands and any other lands, where a Future Temple can be constructed.

The operation is very simple, they just put a few stones at the site and a few flowers and pout water and SINDOOR (Red Powder- MUQ) at the site. The process is repeated a few days and then they make a small make shift structure at that site.

And when the eyes of those who matter is turned in other direction (which they usually do- MUQ) we make a permanent structure and arrange a JAGRAN (Night Long Song and Dance show – MUQ) and lo, no one in India can remove the Ancient (?- MUQ) temple from the site.

Using this simple trick we have got hundreds of thousands of temples built in India since independence.

Some idiot (?) estimated that 95 % of temples that came into India after independence were built on other’s lands. What Idiots are these people?

All land belongs to god and who are we? god’s own people, so we have First Right to make god’s temple on any land we choose!!

If someone has any doubt let them go to NISHAT GUNJ in Lucknow and see how the Height of Temple there made a laughing Stock of fly over there.

Hundreds of similar examples could be found in India. After independence where our Land Grabbing Volunteers (Mafia- really –MUQ) have expanded our empire multi fold.

We plan to grab lands in neighbouring countries like Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Nepal, China (no, no, no China, my mistake) as soon as we get any chance.

K5. Police Personnel:

Yes we must admit that our idol industry provides full time employment to many hundreds of thousands of police force.

They are needed to guard the temples and idols and the Jewelry and the Treasury and control the crowd during never ending religious festivals and yatras and Baths and what not.

But we must acknowledge that we get very C2 grade police men, the A+ class (Commandoes of NSG and Paramilitary Forces) get to guard the Z++ demigods in the shape of Ministers and Members of Parliaments and Chief Ministers and Leaders of Opposition and members of state assemblies and judges and chiefs of Political parties. What is interesting that majority of these people are full time GOONDAS (Gangsters- MUQ) themselves!!

Even our Hate Spewers Like THACKREYS and TOGARIAS and RSS Chiefs get Z+ security. These Lions and Tigers and Leopards (and Weasels too – MUQ) on stage become like wooly lambs and kitten and cry for protection from? From Whom? We actually do not know.

We do demand that these Best Police people be given to protection of Idols and gods who cannot speak and cannot raise alarm and are at the mercy of thieves and goons and vandals (Did we gave any impression that we are criticizing our Idols? No, Never, thanks any way for clarification)

And after the discovery of huge wealth amounting to more than 150,000 Crores of rupees from that Kerala Temple, has taken the sleep out of our eyes. On those poor defenseless gods (Gold- MUQ) in those basement are dead meet at the hands of thieves and Dacoits and Swappers.

K6. Forgetful Johnnies: This is specie found only in India and no where in the world. These highly forgetful sharpies “remember” to bring their old and aged parent to big Festivals and Baths and some how when the festival is over they “forget” to collect their parents and leave them stranded!! Oh what a nice way to loose one’ old and aged parents!!

The poor guys are even unable to remember their own names, name of their son and from where they come from. We are ashamed even to admit that persons are Idol Worshipper at all. May be they are “Formless God Worshippers” impersonating as Idol Worshippers to malign our religion. We need a CBI, FBI, UNO enquiry on the entire episode (What UNO has to do with it?- MUQ)

K7. Cashiers and accountants from IT and IRS: These are the real “Black sheep” and “Jews” in the entire Racket (sorry Industry) of Idol Worship.

They butt their nose every where and want their “cut” and “Pound of flesh” on every donation given to gods. These are stone hearted people who will snatch milk bottle from a child and milk saucer from a snake and fodder from cows mouth (No I am not referring to LALOO YADAV, never!!).

We are disgusted with these fellows and they are the real monkey wrenchers in the entire operation. If it was not for these people the whole racket (I mean act of worship, I mean industry) would be running without any hitch.

The gods and idols do not complain, the devotees do not complain, the priests do not compaign, none of the trade people mentioned above complain, what right these Novices have to complain?

Any way but for this little hitch Idol worship keeps so many people busy doing so much honest (useless and unworthy- MUQ) work.



G. Helping Economy, keeping Recession Away:

45. Can any one find common answer these "Diverse" Questions?

a. Why there is no effect of world wide depression on Indian Economy?

b. Why Share Market in only India is on the rise and rise? Small dips are recovered by big peaks a few weeks latter?

c. Why there is a "Ratchet affect" on prices of every thing in India? They only go up and never come down?

d. Why the Gold which was Rupees 17 Per Tola in 1857 is now Rupees 32,000 + per Tola and yet there is no shortage in demand and money is freely available to buy any amount of Gold?

I am sure that all our Economists and Financial and Industrial giants would be scratching their heads to find the answer.

Well the answer is Idol Worship!!

46. The Link between Idol Worship and our country's economy is very great. It has been explained that people in "god's service" are many times more than those working to generate real wealth (i.e. improving GDP – MUQ).

The Temples and Idols and all their activities employee many times more people than those who work in industries and factories and trading.

47. Since there is never a let down in Idol industry and it is always going up, so our "inferior economy" is safe from worldwide recession and peaks and dips. Had it not been for Idol Worship and Temple industry we also would have been committing suicide in bulk as people in other nations. Thank God (i.e. Idols for that).

48. Gold might be RS 32,000 or 100,000 Per Tola, our stone and wooden and metallic gods must have their ornaments and latest models and of latest designs, otherwise foundation of our country would go to sea (how it can be proved? – MUQ).

So our devotees who are business tycoons in real world, shall buy it and offer it to our gods to quench their thirst (Do Idols drink gold? – MUQ) for gold and golden ornaments. That is why there is an infinite demand in India to buy gold and offer it to temples and that gold goes underground (like that 1,50,000 Crore found in that Kerala Temple- MUQ).

49. Then our temples and famous Baba and Gurus provide channel to conduct "parallel" economy. All great industrialists, Mill Owners and Political Leaders and Ministers are disciples of these Famous Baba and Gurus and Swamis. They meet each other in their' Ashrams and Abodes and while pleasing god also please each other. Secret business deals are conducted and no one knows about it. It might explain why our political and industrial gods never miss these religious gathering.

50. And another beauty of Temple Industry is that it changes the color of Rupees!! This is a trick which no Magician can show, it is unique to our gods. It is called Color- Mixing (Copied later by TV industry- MUQ). Money from any color can changed its color to white once it comes in the hands (Temple’s coffers- MUQ) of our gods and idols. Money is colored according to its sources, for example:

Violet (IPL and Cricket and other Match Fixing money- MUQ)

Indigo (SATTA and MATKA and Lottery Scams- MUQ)

Blue ( Blue Films, Pornography, Stage Show- MUQ)

Green (Fodder and other Agriculture Scams- MUQ)

Yellow (Yellow Journalism and other Media Extortion- MUQ)

Orange (Adulteration, weight and measure Scams- MUQ)

Red (Murder, Kidnapping, and other Violent crimes- MUQ)

The Combination of these moneys in VIBGYOR, which once comes into the hands of our gods becomes White!! And that was discovered by Great Priest Newton (Newton was no priest, He was a great Scientist- MUQ). Do not interrupt you fool. So this Great Priest Newton was once standing at the temple collection point and he saw all these dubious characters donating their ill gained earnings to temple and then he saw that all money had changed into one color White!!

So he deduced that White Color is combination of all colors, so he formulated his famous theory and tried it on sunlight and found that it works there also. But this fact in not known to every one and when we decided to file a world patent, those idiots laughed at us and sent us to some Mental Asylums (what else they could do? – MUQ)

And that is not the end, our system can also change Black Money (i.e. that earned by tax and duty evasion and bribes and not shown into official records- MUQ) and every other kind of money also into White Money. Our System is even stronger (and stranger too- MUQ) than Newton’s.

51. And it is not so difficult to understand either. You see all of our idols and gods (names are interchangeable with each other – MUQ) are a sort of color blind. They are unable to see the color of the money being offered to them. They only see the hands of donors and bless them. Just as beggars only see the hands of donors (do not insult our gods by comparing them with beggars- MUQ) and beggars are no choosers (Again made the same insult?- MUQ), our gods tamely accept all that which is offered and turn it into white and bless the donors.

Some fools (are they really fools- MUQ) that our gods only see the hands and not the heart of donors. They are simple minded and assume that everyone is as simple minded as they themselves. That is why these tricksters and felons force (Force? MUQ) to accept their ill gotten wealth.

52. We only pity those people who work only with White Money. They are damn fools who toil all day and night and work so hard and then pay taxes and rates and then they feed themselves and their families. The poor chaps have very little to offer to gods and idols, that is why our gods and idols are unhappy with these people and they grow at a very low rate (We do need some white money too to satisfy our conscience and pay for expenses of our nation- MUQ).

53. It is this unique combination of Multi Color Economy that is so unique to our Beloved India and which so bewilders our western people. Many atheists, who reject god, become firm believers in god when they come and visit India!! (This is one way to promote Hinduism- MUQ).

They say "there must be some god, otherwise how India is surviving as a nation!! And we do not charge any money from them from converting from black hearted to white hearted person!!

All in All it is our temple and idol system and donation system that keeps the economy of our country so strong and so insulated from outside shocks. We are so happy to see the prices of every item rising and we feel so happy that we became so rich is just 50 years. All other nations of world (Except China- curse them – MUQ) envy our progress and very soon India will become # 1 Super Power of the world. We will send a deputation of our gods to Security Council to get a Veto Powered seat there soon.


Some of the Millions of Benefits of Idol Worship (TARK or KUTARK? You decide) Part-

H. A Bottomless treasury of Liquid Assets:

54. This topic is an annexure of last episode of Idol and Economy (Treasury is always related with economy- MUQ) and it is fact that our temples store so much wealth that it is many times the wealth in Govt. Treasury. And unfortunately that stored wealth is what has caused so much trouble to India. All those Muslim Savages and Barbarians came to loot our temples and their hidden wealth. They took away only a very small portion and we were able to save a very large part of it.

55. It is such a decentralized some of money collection that no one can spy on it fully. First is the shear game of numbers. There are so many temples in India and no one can count them and keep a track of their collection. Fear of god and idols make most people keep their mouth shut.

56. And our Tax (sorry, donation – MUQ) system is so simple that our Govt. should learn from it. Govt. has big IT dept and they force people to pay Income Tax and other tax. In our system the victim (not victim, Donor- MUQ) comes voluntarily to deposit his ill gained and different colored money to our idols. So our overheads are very less (we have lots of under-heads really below the temple ground – MUQ).

57. And what is unique about our treasury is that it is absolute one way!!. There is no wealth going from our treasury to any “Third party”. In Govt. treasury sums can be borrowed from it, but not from ours. When some one pleads too much we ask them to get a written permission from our idols!! This Trick (Trick? MUQ) silences most of hard boiled critics.

58. Sometimes we have “terrorist attacks” when some “Insider” (Temple priest really- MUQ) decamps with a large sum of money. We usually hush such incidences and never ask for full investigations, in fear of people knowing our “real worth” (Rivalry amongst priests over lands and offering is a well known subject – MUQ)

58. Our Largest collection station of course are TIRUPATI, PURI, HARIDWAR, PRAYAG, KASHI, MATHURA, KERALA etc. We wanted to make AYODHYA as our largest collection system by constructing there BIGGEST TEMPLE in the world in the name of Lord Ram. We destroyed a 450 old Mosque on the birthplace of Ram (Constructing mosque at the Birth place of Ram, can any one be more savage and barbarian than these cursed Muslims- MUQ), and killed thousands of those who protested against the destruction (served them right, these savages, why they did not complain when their forefathers were destroying our temples- MUQ)

But it is unfortunate that our Secular and Communist minded courts create hindrance at every step. But we have Muscle Power, We have Media Power, We have Terrorist Power (in the form of VHP, Shiv Sena, Bajrang Dal – MUQ), we have Nuisance Power, We

have Hype Making Power, and we have Idol Power with us, (who cares if we do not have Moral Power and Justice and Right with us- MUQ).

Once we remove slight obstacles created by these cursed courts, we will make the Ram temple in AYODHYA and that will be our Reserve Bank so to say. Oh our mouths water at the daily kill (I.e. Collection – MUQ) that we will make from that bank (Temple- MUQ).

That Bank (temple- MUQ) shall have underground chambers, that shall go many floors underground and that will hold all that ill gotten (? – MUQ) wealth offered to our Lord Ram. We do not care how the money is collected, why Ram should care.

After AYODHYA, we plan to make branch offices of the bank (temple- MUQ) at MATHURA and KASHI and all of those 3,000 to 300, 000 where mosques were constructed destroying our ancient temples. Oh what a fun (fun? MUQ) will be to watch those mosques being brought down along with cursed Muslims who dare to oppose the destruction of our old temples (?- MUQ).

It would be just repeating the scene of our ancestors when they banished Buddhists and Buddhism from the holy land of India (oops made a blunder once again, I think – MUQ). But we shall do what we shall have to do. The idea of constant flowing money from all these branches of bank (temple- MUQ) is too fascinating..

See how much the future of India is bright with our Idol Worship. If there were no idols, what right would we have had to make so many branches of our banks? (Temples- MUQ)



I. Keeping Yearly Calendar full with Religious Holidays

59. A thing so unique to India and so fruitful to us is the number of religious days and holidays that we have. And it is directly linked with the number of gods we have in Current Circulation (Current Circulation? MUQ).

60. With Each god comes their Birthdays and their marriage anniversary and birthdays of their children and then ceremonies linked with each child. All in all we have almost entire calendar of the year filled with these auspicious and religious days. But there is some thing missing here, we do not have any Last Day of any god (can god die? – MUQ, stupid, that is idea with Christianity and not Hinduism, their god died on the cross and our gods never even saw any cross).

61. So there is no month, nay no week when some or the other religious festival is not there and every festival means more and more donations at our temples. And then we demand public holidays on these occasions, Every one supports us, Students, Teachers, Govt. Employees, Factory Workers, bank Employees, no one can see that unanimity on any other issue!!.

62. It is only the Govt. which does not like the idea of so many holidays. Already India holds record in the world for maximum number of Holidays. We wanted a “compromise” with Govt. on this issue, We want them to cancel all the holidays allotted to Non Hindus and then add those days to our Hindu festivals. 63. And what these idiotic Muslims need Holidays for? How would their “Formless God” join in their Holidays or EID and BAQREED? (Holidays are for humans and not for God- MUQ). Did these Savages gave Holidays to Hindus during their misrule of 1000 years (How are you sure they did not give it ? – MUQ). Why we should give them now in our Hindu Rashtra? (India is a Secular Democratic Country, not Hindu Rashtra- MUQ).

Why they do not go to Pakistan for EID and BAQREED and celebrate the festival there? (What a stupid idea- MUQ). And why they laughter so many goat and sheep and cows during BAQREED? What an idiotic and blood thirsty festival is that? May be it is because of all that innocent blood that our gods are not happy and India gets so less rain, and poor harvest, and Malaria, and Aids and Cancers and Heart diseases and Traffic Accidents (Oops, I think I again got carried away, I must see some Doctor at the earliest to assist me in my anger management)

(It seems you have a very strong Inferiority Complex with Muslims, you accuse them without any reason or justification – MUQ)

Some of the Millions of Benefits of Idol Worship (TARK or KUTARK? You decide) Part-9A

Typical Indian, I mean Hindu Festivals (India and Hindu are interchangeable words- MUQ)

64. Sorry for the interruption guys, let us come back to the topic of festivals, we have so many of these, let me count some big ones, we have:

HOLI: Oh what a fun-filled festival, we are unable to recognize each other for a few days, all walls of cities get Technicolor, our goonda elements and hooligans get a free hand and they throw colors and mud on women and there is fun and frolic for every one. And as a Bonus we start riot at some place or other when we throw color on these cursed Muslims and their mosques and religious places, Oh what a fun to burn a few of them with Holi Fire (once again you are going out of hand- MUQ)

DIWALI: The festival of light and of Fireworks. We spend (burn hard earned money- MUQ) thousands of crores of Rupees on Fireworks and Lights and Toys (imported from China, they getting richer on our account- MUQ). We get lot of collection during Diwali and then we gamble on this festivals and then there are many suicides from those who loose everything in gambling (there is always some flies in the Ointment- MUQ)

DUSSEHRA: This is a ten or more day long festival and we have lots of fun and side shows during playing of Ram’s life history called RAMAYNA. So many actors get their break during thee plays and then go to Bollywood and become famous stars there (there is not a single such recorded case actually- MUQ). So this is free service which we do for Bollywood.

RAM NAVMI: This is again a ten day festival and I think it is related to Ram’s Birthday. When we get our Ram Temple Built at AYODHYA, we will “FORCE” Central Govt. to declare 10 days of Public Holiday (and cause so much loss in national GDP – MUQ).

KRISHNA JNAM ASHTAMI: This is Lord Krishna’s Birthday if I am sure. This is one day festival, but when we convert the existing mosque in MATHURA and built a Magnificent Temple there, we will FORCE Central Govt to give it at least 7 days of Public Holidays.

GANESH CHATURTHI: This is festival to celebrate “Birth” of lord GANESHA. This is a very interesting festival, we make huge statues of Lord GANESHA and decorate it and offer ten days of prayers and spend thousands of crores of rupees (Another National Loss- MUQ), and drink alcohol and drugs and then we throw that statue into sea or river or Rivulet and any place where we can find some water.

Like Holi, there are “usual” riots when these cursed Muslims stop us from taking procession right thru their mosques (why should you? –MUQ) and we kill some of them and burn some of them and loot their shops and remind them of their “True” status in Free India (once more you brought Muslim into it).

RAKSHA BANDHAN: This is very interesting festival and strangely on that day our youths are very careful and avoid meeting young girls, RAKHIS in their hands look like WMD to these youths. This is a mystery which we do not understand. Why are they so shy. When our Supreme Courts and High Courts allow marriage between Real Brothers and Sisters? May be ties of RAKHIS are stronger than blood ties!!

SHIV RATRI: This is the “marriage anniversary” of Lord Shiva, the one who has moon stuck into his head and snake hanging by his neck (who would like to marry such a character? MUQ). We drink BHANG and We dance and we make noise and we take our Lord’s marriage procession and do all rituals of marriage. Oh What a fun filled festival (and how stupid- MUQ).

VISHWA KARMA PUJA: This is a festival where we “force” religion into our secular India!! Every Industrial establishment “Must” perform this Pooja and “Every one” must participate in it. Our Secular Govt. and every one is moot spectator when on this day we turn every work place into a “Temple of god”.

No one even know this festival before Independence, but it has become now a de-facto festival, as old as the creation of heavens and earth (This is another beauty of Idol worship, you can prove any thing- MUQ). And if any Extremist or Taliban type Muslim raises any objection we are ready to beat him up, Oh what a show of our strength and power. We will demand that this POOJA be performed every day or at least every week.

Valentine Day: We do not know how this got added into India as a Hindu Festival. We are strongly against this Western cheap shot growing on Hindu land. We therefore try to break it up as much as we can get. We cant understand why our youngsters get out of Valentine day which they cannot get during Holi, Diwali, Ram Navmi and other Hindu Festivals? So I demand that we cancel this from the list of “authentic Hindu festival” same way we cancel EID AND BAQREED (But they were never into Hindu Festival lists- MUQ). Who cares, shut up!!

BHOOMI PUJAN (Worship of land – MUQ) : This is our grass root festival (Correct literally, Grass grows on earth- MUQ), by this simple PUJA we turn whole India into one Big Temple. When any house is to be built. Any dam, any factory any brothel (no. no brothel) we worship the land. We just break few Coconuts, chant few Vedic Mantras, Do AARTI, distribute Sweets (and collect donation too!! – MUQ). The whole thing has no religious tint at all (?- MUQ). But as usual these cursed Muslims object to this Indian ritual and say it is imposing Hindu values on them.

How Idiotic, where is Hinduism involved in the whole process? The land is Indian, Coconut grows on Indian soil, Sanskrit is Indian language, Veda are Indian, Sweets are Indian, so where is Hinduism? (Perfect KUTARK Example- MUQ). Some cursed Muslim once said, we will agree if you break coconut on your Head, we broke it on His!! And then we took out a big procession and forced complete shutdown of city for three days. Such is our Power (Goonda Power- MUQ) in India.

BHAJAN, KIRTAN, KATHA, JAGRAN: These are on Demand festivals so to say and they fill in the gap when no big festivals are going on. They can be arranged on short notice and require little preparation. What we really need is Very Powerful Public Address System, that can disturb sleeps of as many people as it could. And these are our answers to these Prayer calls for cursed Muslims that disturb OUR peace five times a day. When we hear prayer call we start our BHAJAN and KIRTAN so we disturb their prayers!! These are very handy festivals to start communal riots in any city.

Oh we love communal riots, we love them very much. We recover some of the wealth which these cursed Muslims took from our forefather (Again you involved Muslims? What is your problem? – MUQ), Tell me what is YOUR Problem MUQ? Why you always defending Muslims? Are you a Muslim, MUQ?

The list is actually endless, my fingers are hurting me with so much typing…so let it be suffice.

All in all these religious festivals are what keep our blood young, there is lot of fun, young boys and girls meet each other, dance together and drink together (and lots of “complications” start together- MUQ)… and every one is happy. We wish that Govt. declares more and more Hindu Festivals or at least cancel festivals of Non Hindus and grant them to Hindus (to show how much respect we give to other religion- MUQ)

Some of our Planned Festivals, or replacing Existing ones which have become outdated:

15 August Independence Day: This has become out dated we will replace it with 6 December, SHAURAY DIWAS, the day when we got Lord Ram to Break away from Prison (does this sentence makes any sense ? – MUQ). That was the day when we destroyed BABRI MASJID and laid foundation of Hindu RASHTRA. It is the most important of all our planned festival and will serve these cursed Muslims right (once again brought Muslim ?- MUQ)

26 Jan Republic Day, this is also served its purpose, we will replace it with RSS Foundation day and do NICKER and QAMMEZ Parade and LATHI and DANDA show. We will use this day to Terrorize these Cursed Muslims so they run away to Pakistan or Bangladesh or Nepal or Bhutan or Sikkim (But Sikkim is part of India? – MUQ)

2nd October Gandhi Birthday, This is the most useless of all Indian Festivals. Gandhi Statue has no commercial value. We do not get any donation at all, but we have to spend money for the garlands. And Gandhi did nothing for us (he kept Hindu United- MUQ), so we will replace this day with birthday of SAVARKAR, MUNJE, GODSE, THACKREY, TOGARIA, and all prominent RSS, VHP and BJP Leaders. It would be a weeklong festival, with lots and lots of dance and music and pop show and fun and frolic. We will make it the biggest “killing” (Donation collection – MUQ) festival for the whole year.

EID, BAKREED and X-MASS, BUDDHA JAYANTI,: all these outdated and special group festivals will be removed and replaced by Indian (Hindu- MUQ) festivals. Our Festivals shall show real National (Hindu- MUQ) Integration. Oh what a day for Free India, what a day.


J. Keep Poets and Dancers on their Creative Best:

65. Poets, Singers, Musicians, Dancers and all those involved in Fine arts and Idol Worship are made for each other. There is a saying in Hindi “CHOLI DAMAN KA SAATH” it exactly applies here. These people support and strengthen concept of Idol Worship and plant its virtues into common folks minds, and in return our idols and god give full time employment and means of earning their daily bread.

66. Idol worship would never have gained that much universal appeal and got so much deep roots into minds and psyche of common folks had it not been for the efforts of these poets, singers, dancers and musicians. (Did these people did a Great Service to Nation or were responsible for its downfall depends on which side of debate you are – MUQ)

67. And what is more, most of our Idols owe their “special effects” based on the poetry of these poets. When some one sang “that he adores his head with moon” our “Creative Artists (Sculptors and Idol Makers- MUQ) put a small 27th day moon on his hairs and it got applauses and universal approval from the audience. So it became the “official shape” of that idol. The same happened when some poet said that he got GANGA into his hairs, our artists did the modification in the image pronto.

68. All these “weird” statues with four heads and eight hands and ten heads all owe their existence to these poets who described shape of these gods in poetic and allegorical languages and our artists took them in literal sense.

69. Some time this lead to interesting confusions also, “having hands like Lotus” is an idiom that means softness of skin, but some idiot of artist made our god with hands like Lotus, we had to discard that model, but it can still be seen. The same goes for “eyes like Gazelles” too.

70. And then these poets wrote the songs and BHAJANS in the praises of our idols and gods and what they could do and solve the problem of every one. That was our Propaganda department. Singers sang these songs in beautiful voices, musicians composed powerful tunes and dancers gave public performance.

The combined effect of this “multifarious” Propaganda Machinery was that most people got mesmerized and believed that what they were seeing and listening and reading was truth (The same thing happens even today after thousands of years when Media is able to convince that every Muslim in the world is Terrorist- MUQ)

71. Now religious poetry and music and dancing is a full time industry that employs hundreds of thousands of unemployed (unemployable – MUQ) youths and adults and poets and people with learning disabilities. Let any one come and show us any other industry except Idol worship industry that employs so many use less people (It is praise or insult? I do not know yet- MUQ)

72. And these people are so creative that they are always with time (ahead of time also, they think about future requirements too – MUQ). First they wrote songs and poems on which films were made. Now they use Film Song and Film tunes for religious purposes, some times it is difficult to distinguish if BHAJAN is playing or film song. Now Pop songs are common for devotional music. And we have to do nothing ourselves, it is these poets and musicians and composers who do their own thinking and writing (and when any priest was good at poetry and singing and music? - MUQ , except in Hindi Films if Hero is the priest)

73. And the same goes for the dancers too. Initially they came from lower member of the society and were looked down but the success of HEMA, REKHA, SRIDEVI and MADHURI and AISHWARYA etc make them highly respectable. So now dancers of our gods wear the same (semi nude or 90 % nude- MUQ) as these Film Heroines and keep the audience tantalizing on the courtyards of temples where they present their dance “Item” (For definition of “Item” refer to RAKHI SAWANT, KATRINA KAIF and other Item Girls- MUQ)

In the end no one can deny that had it not been the help of these propounder of Fine Arts, Idol worship would not have gained this much popular support and was able to take so deep roots inside Indian Hindu society, We owe then an incalculable debt (True 100 % - MUQ).

So we close this episode with heavy hearts and fearing what would have been if these poets and singers and music composers had turned against us and wrote instead the praises of “Formless God”?



J. Keep Poets and Dancers on their Creative Best:

65. Poets, Singers, Musicians, Dancers and all those involved in Fine arts and Idol Worship are made for each other. There is a saying in Hindi “CHOLI DAMAN KA SAATH” it exactly applies here. These people support and strengthen concept of Idol Worship and plant its virtues into common folks minds, and in return our idols and god give full time employment and means of earning their daily bread.

66. Idol worship would never have gained that much universal appeal and got so much deep roots into minds and psyche of common folks had it not been for the efforts of these poets, singers, dancers and musicians. (Did these people did a Great Service to Nation or were responsible for its downfall depends on which side of debate you are – MUQ)

67. And what is more, most of our Idols owe their “special effects” based on the poetry of these poets. When some one sang “that he adores his head with moon” our “Creative Artists (Sculptors and Idol Makers- MUQ) put a small 27th day moon on his hairs and it got applauses and universal approval from the audience. So it became the “official shape” of that idol. The same happened when some poet said that he got GANGA into his hairs, our artists did the modification in the image pronto.

68. All these “weird” statues with four heads and eight hands and ten heads all owe their existence to these poets who described shape of these gods in poetic and allegorical languages and our artists took them in literal sense.

69. Some time this lead to interesting confusions also, “having hands like Lotus” is an idiom that means softness of skin, but some idiot of artist made our god with hands like Lotus, we had to discard that model, but it can still be seen. The same goes for “eyes like Gazelles” too.

70. And then these poets wrote the songs and BHAJANS in the praises of our idols and gods and what they could do and solve the problem of every one. That was our Propaganda department. Singers sang these songs in beautiful voices, musicians composed powerful tunes and dancers gave public performance.

The combined effect of this “multifarious” Propaganda Machinery was that most people got mesmerized and believed that what they were seeing and listening and reading was truth (The same thing happens even today after thousands of years when Media is able to convince that every Muslim in the world is Terrorist- MUQ)

71. Now religious poetry and music and dancing is a full time industry that employs hundreds of thousands of unemployed (unemployable – MUQ) youths and adults and poets and people with learning disabilities. Let any one come and show us any other industry except Idol worship industry that employs so many use less people (It is praise or insult? I do not know yet- MUQ)

72. And these people are so creative that they are always with time (ahead of time also, they think about future requirements too – MUQ). First they wrote songs and poems on which films were made. Now they use Film Song and Film tunes for religious purposes, some times it is difficult to distinguish if BHAJAN is playing or film song. Now Pop songs are common for devotional music. And we have to do nothing ourselves, it is these poets and musicians and composers who do their own thinking and writing (and when any priest was good at poetry and singing and music? - MUQ , except in Hindi Films if Hero is the priest)

73. And the same goes for the dancers too. Initially they came from lower member of the society and were looked down but the success of HEMA, REKHA, SRIDEVI and MADHURI and AISHWARYA etc make them highly respectable. So now dancers of our gods wear the same (semi nude or 90 % nude- MUQ) as these Film Heroines and keep the audience tantalizing on the courtyards of temples where they present their dance “Item” (For definition of “Item” refer to RAKHI SAWANT, KATRINA KAIF and other Item Girls- MUQ)

In the end no one can deny that had it not been the help of these propounder of Fine Arts, Idol worship would not have gained this much popular support and was able to take so deep roots inside Indian Hindu society, We owe then an incalculable debt (True 100 % - MUQ).

So we close this episode with heavy hearts and fearing what would have been if these poets and singers and music composers had turned against us and wrote instead the praises of “Formless God”?



K. Perpetual co-existence with Film and TV industry:

74. This Indeed is a Topic that will take many episodes and cannot be finished in one episode. Considering that life of Hinduism and Idol Worship in India is many Millions of years (actually less than 3000 years- MUQ). An industry which is not even 200 years old has become so much of its beneficiary.

75The relation between idols and gods and film industry is of mutual give and take. Film industry borrows our idols and tales of idols and gods and then repays us backing the form of new devotees. They also create new gods (Examples Given later- MUQ) and popularizing some one and getting some “old gods” (?) out of circulation.

76. When there was no Film Industry, our Industry (temple racket – MUQ) needed those poets and song writers and musicians etc. but thanks to the Film and TV industry, these people have gone into the back ground and Film and TV industry have become the main propaganda mediums of Idol worship.

It is estimated that every week not less than 100 hours of religious propaganda item is displayed directly into the houses of 20 % Muslims of India (Other 80 % are Below Poverty Line and cannot afford TV set – MUQ).

77. We estimate that 19.95 % of these Muslims get softened by this continuous propaganda (other 0.05 % being Hard Core MULLA types- MUQ) on idol worship and can recall names and activities of most of our gods. We show films and Serials dealing with Inter-religion marriages and criticising outdated Muslim way of living. This is softening Muslim masses and they see what stupid is their religion and laws.

78. And we insert stories of our god in text books, in history books, in science books in math books, in engineering and medical books (? – MUQ), so by the time they graduate, they know more about Hinduism than their own stupid religion (true- MUQ).

79. We will not rest till we change whole Muslims against their religion. The ONLY problem we face is those 0.05 % Hardcore MULLAS and that stupid book Quran, if we could overcome that…. We will ban Quran, We will ban Arabic Language, We will ban Urdu, We will ban teaching of Islam (Get done with it, this is not Anti Islamic debate, it is about benefits of Idol Worship- MUQ), sorry folks got a bit carried away. Where I was, yes how Films help in propagation of our message. Well there were many stages:

A. Stage 1- Start of Film age:

80. When Films were in their infancy, it were we who supplied them with stories and plots and raw materials. Most of films used religious topics and showed on screen what we could not show in temples.

81. Soon the masses got the idea and films became very popular and even got some other plots. But it was unwritten agreement between us, that devotional songs and PUJA scenes and Photos and Idols and statues of our gods must be visible in every film. There is hardly any film, old or new which is totally free from “Idol effects”!!

82. Poets and Song writers and play back singers all played their parts till BHAJANS, AARTIS, PRAYERS became as common as mosquitoes in every film (what a simile- MUQ). Many films became hit because of these idols and temple scenes. We showed many rituals “Live” on Films and that was part of our plot to get Hinduism Popular with Muslim masses (Again reverting to Anti Muslim rants, what is wrong with you ? – MUQ).

83. We made sure that irrespective of story and plot of films, some “devotional” story and material be inserted some way or the other. That made our gods very popular and films also got popular support.

B. Stage-2. When Films got established:

84. Soon the films became established in India and produced many Super and Mega Stars. It was then we started with “Angry young men” scenes with gods and idols. Hero will shout at god and say they are made of stone and can do nothing. And hero is done away with them once and for all. But you know it was for show only, because when the film ended, our Hero and our gods made peace with each other. Hero got his heroine (not THAT heroine, you stupid junky- MUQ) and thanked our gods.

That was our cunning plot!! It was all arranged, we conveyed that even “angry young men” recognized powers of our gods and idols!! And we found that queues in our Factories (Temples- MUQ) grew longer and longer.

85. Then we took “risk” by projecting our gods as jokers. They made some blunders and humans went to skies and confronted our gods. They hurled insults to our gods face to face and asked them to be ashamed of themselves. It was a risky, but some how it was successful. Our stupid audiences (Spoken correctly- MUQ) only thought is was funny and laughed and laughed till their eyes watered. It was then when we were convinced of their total brainwashing of their mind (spoken correctly again – MUQ).

They even argued with each other that if our gods and idols are imaginary figures, how they could see them with their own eyes (?- MUQ) on Film Screen!! That was the Climax, which even we could not believe (spoken correctly again- MUQ)

86. Whenever we thought of a stupid idea we filmed it on our gods (paying back in the same coin- MUQ), we brought our gods to India so that they see how outdated and stupid they are and how smart are Indian to cheat them out of their belongings.

We made films where some “duplicate’ of hero dies by mistake and taken up into heavens and he makes the hell there asking to show him, WHO was responsible for the mess? (How we could admit that our gods did the mistake?- MUQ). Our audiences just loved these films and felt happy that our heroes are smarter than our gods (might be they are- MUQ).

PS: But all this fun and frolics are only for Hindus. If any Cursed Muslim dare say anything bad or makes any obscene picture of our gods, male and female, we get wild and we want him killed and his works destroyed.

How can they make fun of gods whom they do not worship? (What is that, say again !!- MUQ). We can do what we want with our gods (because we invented them- MUQ)

Stage-3 When Films are fully Matured:

87. The time is coming when our audience are mature and we will make films on sexual life of our gods. Right now we fear as to how our childish audiences might react (and feel disgusted enough and shun Idol Worship- MUQ).

88. We will show courtship (and even copulation scene- MUQ) between Shankar and Parvati, between Vishnu and Lakshami, between Brahma and SARASWATI, between Amitabh and Jaya (Oops, another Mistake- MUQ). We have our SHIELA, KATRINA AND RAKHI eager to perform as gods’ lovers and our Heroes are also anxious to do the roles of god’s.

Our “Only” worry is these cursed censor people, as to how to get U certificate for these XXX rated films. We will wait, till we can buy them or when XXX films are treated as U stuff and U stuff as XXX (Time is not far off – MUQ.

89. Our aim is also to “wean away” those “formless God” worshippers as to how much fun and frolic our idol based god provide and can their God match ours? (No He cannot- MUQ). Many of the weak minded of these idiots will then join us (why you need Idiots? – MUQ, Oh, to feed your coffers- )

90. Future is very bright for our god’s based films with advances like HD, 3D and Hologram. We feel very excited about it and how much additional wealth we will siphon off from the National Economy (and make it Non Productive- MUQ)

Stage-4 Creating new gods:

As we mentioned, thru films we can “create” new gods and make some gods go out of circulation and some stage comeback.

Sometime back we created one such female god with the name of SANTOSHI MATA, we created her thru a film of the same name. When the film was successful, she became a household name and we made many temples in her name. We started celebrating her birthday (the day of film release actually- MUQ) and made a hefty collection!!

And we have many more such gods and goddesses in our story and future marketing departments and looking for appropriate time to launch their career.

This is what makes idol and god business so exciting and demanding. We never take rest and always are on lookout for new ideas and angles to make money. Now think have those “formless God” worshippers got any New Idea in past 1400 years? They worship exactly in the same way as they were doing 1400 years back, is their any fun in their religion, stupid people if you ask me (again you started your Anti Muslim rant, what is problem with you?- MUQ)


Some of the Millions of Benefits of Idol Worship (TARK or KUTARK? You decide) Part-12A

L. Cartoon Films and Endless Future Opportunities:

91. To tell the truth, this was an unexpected development for us also (how come, you believe in so many miracles already -MUQ). It was like a bolt from above. We Indians were so lacking in cartoon films, that we could never see that we will catch up with Hollywood. Our drawing were so poor animation so clumsy and no special effects (like daily life of most Indians- MUQ).

92. However it was invention of Computer and Software Revolution and Computer Aided Animation that made India and Indians as World leader in animation. When we saw that, we said why not, why not cash it one and increase our consumer base (and catch them young- MUQ)

93. While west had selected animals (Micky Mouse, Donald Duck, Tom and Jerry, Woody Woodpecker, Pink Panther and others – MUQ) and insects (Spider man, Bat man, crow man, Super man (Superman is not insect- you idiot) – MUQ)… they had very inferior outlook of life and never look for perpetual type of business…

94. We went for jugular!! We straight selected our Hanuman as our carton character (may be he is actually a cartoon character, an imaginary figure- MUQ), but we made his a child and christened him as CHOTA HANUMAN. He was an instant hit with our Children. Now we know they are hooked and when grow up, they would be devout Hanuman Bhakt and cough up regularly at our temples!! What a customer base oh what a luck of genius.

95. After success of Hanuman, we will try the same model on our other gods also. We will design juvenile version of Ram, Krishna, Brahma, Vishnu, Shankar and female gods and write new stories and what fun will we have. All our children will spend after school time (school time too- MUQ) in playing with our cartoon gods (?)…. And will become permanent believers of older (Full scale models- MUQ) when they grow up.

96 And we have one more cunning idea (Devilish idea really-MUQ) behind our sleeves. We will catch children of “Formless God” people to play and enjoy our “cartoon gods”. Many will join and when they grow up, they might leave their outdated and formless religion and see what fun and freedom our “simple and easy to understand” (what an understatement- MUQ) religion gives to its followers.

M. Sci-Fi Films:

97. With Cartoon and Non Cartoon (sometime it is difficult to distinguish which is which- MUQ) god based films, and with endless gossips and angles and permutations and combinations, we are happy to know that there is no need for any other SCI-FI films for our children and youths in near future.

98. While those DUMBOS in west have to think about new idea and make so much research and spend so much money on sets and special effects to earn a “few bucks” we can earn more bucks by simply hanging casts of new cartoon and full scale model films. We earn much more quick bucks by spending so less. That is the benefit of this whole idol business, your investment and overheads are less and payback is unlimited.

99. And there is no dearth of plans and complications, with so many gods available, we can create any fun situation and multi-angles love and hate affairs that any one can think.

100. And we are sure that when west is tired of their SCI-FI idea and turn to us to loan our characters then we will make our “kill” in Foreign Exchange too and get world wide audience!!

So our future, future of our children and our children’s children is safe in hands of our gods and our idols and we have nothing to worry that at any future date, India would have a misfortune to go back to the “formless god” type on nonsense.


Some of the Millions of Benefits of Idol Worship (TARK or KUTARK? You decide) Part -13

Idol Industry and TV:

101. We are proud to say, that our gods and our idols were responsibility for the immense popularity of “Serial Era” in Indian Home TV segment. Had it not been for us, the serial industry would not have existed. Just look back and see it has grown to how many millions upon millions of crores. Even the scams cost many hundreds of thousands of crores.!!

And it has off shoots like IPL, KBC, Big Boss, Indian Idol, … all this because of initial “Kick” provided by us.

102. It was in early 80 s (1980, not my 80 s you idiots- MUQ) when the New (and Green – MUQ) PM RAJIV Gandhi was looking to increase TV viewer ship rating. He came to us and we had our answer ready, same as we did for early films. We ask them to Serialize Ever Popular RAMAYANA serial.

Needless to say, it was a huge hit with our Indian (Hindu- MUQ) population and more TV sets were sold in next six months than were sold in past 60 years. And what was really gratifying is that we made our biggest “kill” (Temple donations- MUQ) in the RAM NAWMI festival. We are still counting the (Hidden- MUQ) money!!

103. The Next serial MAHBHARAT serial was much bigger than RAMAYANA serial and let me tell you that is even caused trains to be stopped, busses and air planes to stand still, all office and factory work to stand still, all marriage functions, shopping malls to go empty (i.e. causing huge national loss- MUQ) while the serial was being played between 9-10 AM Prime Time slot on every Sunday.

104. And that slot is now reserved permanently for our gods, no one dare shift us from that slot and we have endless stories with us. And the beauty of serials is that it is in slow motion. We can drag it to any number of episode, what we have to show in films in five minutes takes at least 20 episodes in serial mode. And this slow motion is specially suited to our audience who are addicted to details (have nothing else to do- MUQ). They need to understand every word spoken by each and every members of the cost (slow witted as most of them are- MUQ).

And as a side show we are able to send our “message” to most Muslim Houses every week (I was wondering why Muslim issue did not appear already – MUQ). Now with slow motion, we are able to send them clear message that it is our gods who are giving us all that TRP ratings. It is our gods that keep all that wheels within wheels running. It is our gods that are keeping our donation boxes getting full. What their Formless God did in this time? Did He collect any money (why God needs any money? – MUQ)

105. And we are proud to say that the thing caught on. There are now more serials on TV than there are viewers in India. Some of them seem to run for ever and ever. (Like IPL and KBC – MUQ). Our gods are very happy and they show special favors to us. Most of our volunteers (priests- MUQ) are getting jobs as priests (and as extras too – MUQ) in many serials and when we see them on TV, our smile goes from ear to ear.

106. As mentioned for films, the link between TV and Temple is very strong (both start with the letter T- MUQ), we are made for each other. We will work each other for eternity. It is so easy to start rumors of our gods miracles (like gods drinking milk and cow’s urine turning to honey – MUQ) faster than fire spreads in jungle. Our astrologers are in high demand on every channel.

107. We sell our Magic products like MALAS and ANGUTHIS and JEWELRY and amulets to solve every problem on earth (except our own problems- MUQ) thru Ads on TV channels. By Special effects artists we show how fast our products work. We show how people of each religion (especially Muslims- MUQ) use our products and solve their problems. It is fastest growing segment of our industry.

108. Many of our stars are now household names, BABA RAMDEV has following only next to KATRINA KAIF!! We have many more superstars in the making. These people perform live magic (on healthy people- MUQ) to cure every disease on the face of earth. Some times even we get so convinced that we think to use their medicine (then out better self advices and we got to Private Specialty Hospital and get Free Treatment- MUQ)

This is most exciting topic and we can continue till eternity (like TV serials- MUQ), but we stop now (in case someone thinks it is also a serial- MUQ, which it is fact!!). If some one has any question or problem or want to buy anything, then can contact us on our box office address.

Note: We also provide matrimonial service on a very reasonable commission!!


Some of the Millions of Benefits of Idol Worship (TARK or KUTARK? You decide) Part-

M. Conclusion:

I am sorry if my long monolog bored you people (yes it did- MUQ), I would like to conclude all of what I wrote in past episodes, and list out all the benefits and blessings and scientific discoveries and inventions which our stone and wood and copper and paper gods and idols achieved in past 100,000 years. I have listed only very few of them, (the complete list was burned down in that fire of NALANDA University!!- MUQ)

Caution:

Do not believe a word of what this MUQ writes or interjects, we suspect him to be an Al Qaeda, Taliban, ISI, WAHABI agent posing as Indian. We are on look out for him, once we catch him in India, we will dispatch him directly to our “Brainwashing cell” in the underground room of RSS Headquarter to cure him of his mental illness.

Note: In the List of Achievement, “We” could mean our gods/ idols/ Hindus (they are interchangeable as it is- MUQ)

So the list of Blessings / Achievement / Inventions / world’s First attributed to us are:

A. Security of India / Its protection / Preservation:

1. We gave India its name (No, it was given by Arabs - MUQ)

2. We defined its Borders (No, Indian borders have kept on changing thru out history - MUQ)

3. We placed Himalaya to protect it from Chinese & Lanka to protect it from Britishers (No, It was done by nature, and what was the second point, can any thing be more idiotic? - MUQ)

4. Because of us, no invader dare approach India (No, India provided “perpetual attraction” to every invader - MUQ)

5. We united Indians into one strong nation (No, India consisted of hundreds of small states each fighting with each other, it were Muslims who united India into one nation - MUQ)

6. We guarantee its survival (No, in no way survival of India depends of idols and false gods - MUQ)

7. We scare anyone, who wants to occupy India (No, It is India’s high and uneducated and lethargic population which avoids any occupier - MUQ)

B. Political Field.

8. We invented UNO, I mean a place where different nations can talk to each other (If you men place where those different small kings can talk to each other, might be if ever a full gathering took place- MUQ)

9. We gave the idea of World War thru MAHABHARATA war, the world’s First World War (Probably Yes, but is it an achievement - MUQ)

10. We invented CHANAKYA NITI to befool our enemy: (Yes, but is it good to be proud about deception?, - MUQ)

11. We started “International Cross Border Attack” concept when Lord Ram attacked Lanka (Yes, you hold Copy right on International Terrorism- MUQ)

C. Social Field:

12. We were the First to divide our society into Four Major Groups (Yes, but is it a thing to be proud of, considering hardships and atrocities it caused to majority of Hindus for thousands of years and still does- MUQ).

13. We “invented” the idea of Heredity (i.e. Son getting the skills of father) : (No, the idea is not scientific at all - MUQ)

14. We invented the idea of equality; every person in one caste was equal to another of the same caste (What a strange concept? – MUQ)

15. We gave women their right (Yes, to NOT own property and get No share in Inheritance, and to die on their husband’s pyre- MUQ)

D. Medical Field

16. We were the First in the World to find out that Cow’s urine is cure for Most diseases (Yes and the Last one too, no one believes in this stupid Idea, except Baba RAMDEV- MUQ)

17. And we were the first to find out the medical power of Cow’s Dung too!! (Whole world is unaware of this unique find still after so many thousands of years- MUQ)

18. Our Baba RAMDEV cures AIDS, Cancer, Heart Problems (Not relating to Broken Hearts, no –MUQ) , Broken Bones, Blindness, Leprosy, Eye’s defects (except in his own eyes- MUQ), and thousands of other chronic and semi chronic disease quickly thru Yoga and use of LAUKI ’s juice!! (Yes, only halfwits get cured there and Baba gets richer and richer- MUQ)

19. We discovered that Poison does not kill every one! (When our Lord Shiva drank Poison and did not die!!) (Yes, we agree to give you THAT discovery- MUQ)

E. Math / Science / Technology:

20. We discovered the concept of Zero (Yes, but we guarded it as our Trade Secret, till Arabs knew it and shared it with whole world- MUQ)

21. We proved that 1+1 = 2!! : (No, Chinese did that with their abacus - MUQ)

22. We invented Air Planes, when Lord Ram used PUSHPAK to move from India to Lanka and back to AYODHYA Airport (It is only Hot Air and how Ravan was travelling? He was more advanced than Ram?- MUQ)

23. We Invented Rockets, Our Hanuman was Travelling at Rocket Speed (Only in Mythology- MUQ)

24. We made the World’s First Causeway over the sea, when Lord Ram made that bridge to Lanka and which NASA proved as True : (No, it is only a myth, NASA has no hand in that myth - MUQ)

25. We discovered the Real Cause of Solar and Lunar Eclipse (that they are caused by RAHU and KETU taking Sun and Moon inside their bellies) – (Yes I agree, and I suggest you get the Patent to that discovery- MUQ)

26. We discovered the Real Causes why Earth Quakes take place (i.e. when the Cow shifts the earth from one horn to another) (Yes I agree, Apply for Copy Right for the Idea- MUQ)

27. We made Elephant Ride on Rats, Owls being used as means of Transport (before Harry Potter got news about it and plagiarized our invention) and all other means of animal transport (yes, I agree- MUQ)

28. We made the World’s (nay Universe’) First Head Transplant (When Lord Shankar transplanted Elephant’ head on his own son) (Why he did not use the severed head, instead ? – MUQ) (Yes I agree)

29. We invented TV, Wireless, Live Broadcast, News paper, (No, it is all a hogwash - MUQ)

F. Sports:

30. We STILL hold the world’s record on Weight Lifting (Lord Hanuman lifted the whole mountain) (Yes I agree- MUQ)

31. And the same event counts for moving Mountain thru Air Cargo (Yes I agree!!- MUQ)

32. We invented the Idea of Marathon Race (when Hanuman rushed from India to Lanka on Rescue Mission)- (yes, I agree- MUQ)

33. We invented the idea of Archery Competition, Lord Arjun won the Olympic Gold Medal when he pierced the Fish Eye (No, it is hogwash - MUQ)

G. Fine Arts:

34. We made the World’s First Male Statue (Yes, I agree- MUQ)

35. We made the World’s First Female Statue (Yes, I agree- MUQ

36. We made the World’s First Male and Female statues cohabiting. (Yes, I agree- MUQ)

37. We displayed on Temple Walls which no one dare show to anyone (Yes, I agree- MUQ)

38. No one can match our skills in depicting sexual positions in pictorial forms (Yes, I agree- MUQ)

H. Literature:

39. We wrote the Word’s First Porno Book in the Form of KAMASUTRA, it is still a Best Seller even after 100,000 years. (Yes, I agree, but is it some thing to be proud of?- MUQ)

40. We invented PIP idea (picture inside picture, i.e. One book inside another, GEETA was Inserted Inside MAHABHARAT) (Yes, and from that idea of adulteration also started- MUQ)

41. We invented writing when we wrote RIG VEDA 10,000,000 years ago (No, the date is much Exaggerated- MUQ)

42. We wrote the World’s First Drama Book (And the first Comic Book also- MUQ).

I. History:

43. We are Masters in Locating our ancient religious temples (Just look at any mosque and claim it was Temple- MUQ).

44. We invented that world is round (No, it were people away from India – MUQ

45. We proved BABRI MASJID was constructed destroying Ram Temple (No, it was not proven at all - MUQ

46. We can PROVE any Building was Ancient Temple (Yes thru out History Making Machine- MUQ)

47. No Judge or Law can challenge our Historical Findings, A Historical feat in itself (that is why we included into History Section).

J. Geography:

48. We discovered Lanka (and defeated them to win World Cup in 2011)!! (Oh what a Feat!! – MUQ)

49. We climbed every Mountain and Hill in India (And constructed Temple there- MUQ, and this entry should be under sport section, not here).

50. We found that earth is round (No, it is not correct- MUQ)

51. We discovered when it rains (Yes, when Peacock raises his head and starts dancing!!- MUQ)

K. Miracles: (Oh the list is endless, they are in millions and billions, how we are able to dupe our people for so many centuries that in itself is a Biggest Miracle- MUQ)

52. We churned the Sea using Mountain and a Big Snake (Yes, I agree- MUQ)

53. We made an Elephant Head to grow on Human body (a Cross Specie Transplant) (Yes, I agree- MUQ)

54. We made an elephant to ride on a rat (Yes, I agree- MUQ)

55. We made a woman to conceive by just remembering some male god (Yes, I agree- MUQ)

56. We made a Child in mother’s womb to hear and remember what their parents were talking about (Yes, I agree- MUQ)

L. Misc.

57. We invented cell phone (Yes, I agree- MUQ)

58. We invented Missiles (Yes, I agree- MUQ)

59. We invented Firecrackers (Yes, I agree- MUQ)

60. We invented International Terrorism (Yes, I agree- MUQ), OOPS!!
