Why NOT To Do a Startup… because You Will FAIL, Loser.
Dave McClure500startups.com
FailCon India
Bangalore – Feb 2013
@DaveMcClure
DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#1: Yer a WANTrepreneur.
You’re in this for all the Wrong reasons: You think it’s “So Fucking Cool” to do a startup You want to make LOTS of Money. You have Teh Awesome Technology Solution.
The Right Reasons: You Live in Fear. You Can’t Get Laid. Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER.
YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER]
PROBLEM
DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.#2: You are a FAT and LAZY
SLOB You’ve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs.
You Drive a Nice Car & It’s Paid For.
You Live in a Big House.
You Don’t Worry About Paying Bills.
You Want to Kiss The Kids Goodnight.
You Your Spouse > Your Startup.
tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice.
DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,But No Product and No Customers.
See: “Startup Metrics for Pirates”
Bullshit Revenue Projection ----->(up & to the right)
DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#4: Your Idea SUCKS(and even your Mom thinks so)
You Don’t Have a Working Prototype.
Worse: Have Prototype, But No One Uses It.
It Sucks a Lot More than the Competition.
See: “Lean Startup (Ries) & Customer Development (Blank)”
DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.#5: You Have Teh Awesome
SOLUTION…to a PROBLEM that does not exist.
See: “Your Solution Is Not My Problem”
DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#6: You’re a LOSER, not a LEADER.
You Procrastinate. A Lot.
You’re not Charismatic.
You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly.
Your Vision is usually Wrong.
You’re Scared of Change.
When Other People Tell You That You’re Wrong, You Believe Them.
…and you’re Ugly too, bitch.Watch: “Kick-Ass” or “Glee”
DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.#7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Won’t Raise Money
(or SuperAngels Collude to Screw You Over)
50 slides in your deck
Technical Jargon
Demo FAIL
Clueless Investors
EVIL Investors
See: “How To Pitch a VC”
DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have No Idea How to Hire (or Fire).
No Technical Founders / Coders
No Design / UX / Usability
No Internet Mktg (Search, Social)
No Mobile expertise
No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev
No Recruiter, or They Suck… Bad.
DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.#9: CoFounders & Employees =
Whiners.
You WILL miss a payroll.
Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza.
There WILL be Office Politics.
People WILL discover and compare salary & stock options.
Someone WILL sue yer ass: Sexual Harassment Wrongful Termination Unhappy Customer Jealous Competitor
DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#10: You Can’t Sell or Market 4 Shit.
You Don’t Know Marketing.
You Think Marketing = TechCrunch.
You Don’t Know What SEO stands for.
You Think SEM = SEO.
You Don’t Know or Use Social Platforms (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube).
You’ve never built Facebook or iPhone App, or a Social Game.
You’ve never sent an email campaign, written a blog post, or run an affiliate marketing campaign.
See: “Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis)”
DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.#11: You’d Rather Change the Channel
Than Change The World.
Wouldn’t you rather watch Dabangg or T-20?
Sure you would, Loser.
Just relaaaaaxxxxxx.
Fuck. That.
Noise.
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