7 Things “good parents” do (That screw

kids up for life)Apostila 1p. 02

Gênero literário? Autodiegético ou Heterodiegético? Quantos parágrafos? O título ajuda? Existem dados? Figuras? Topônimos? Nomes próprios? Personagens?

#PassaAMãoNoTexto

It seems like it's close to impossible to raise a normal child these days, what with the violent video games and the 4chan and the childhood obesity.

But if the latest research is to be believed, even the good stuff we thought we were doing for our kids is ruining them.

Parágrafo 1

4chan (4chan.org) is an English-language imageboard website. Launched on October 1, 2003, its boards were originally used for the posting of pictures and discussion of manga and anime. Users generally post anonymously and the site has been linked to Internet subcultures and activism, most notably Project Chanology.4chan users have been responsible for the formation or popularization of Interne memes such as lolcats, Rickrolling, "Chocolate Rain", Pedobear, and many others. The site's "Random" board is by far its most popular and notorious feature. Known as "/b/", there are very minimal rules on posted content. Gawker once jokingly claimed that "reading /b/ will melt your brain".

Nota de passagem:

4chan.org

RAISE: (raise – raised – raised) When raise is a verb, it must have an object. It is a fairly formal way to say 'lift something up' or 'move something up‘

Raise your right hand. He raised the box above his head.

It is not formal when it means 'make something increase'

We will have to raise our fees.

Nota de passagem:

Yes, as it turns out the most innocent things we do to our kids every day can fuck them up worse than having the Joker shoot their parents in front of them.

Parágrafo que não aparece na apostila:

#7. Giving Your Kids a Creative Name

You want your kid to be special. There are a few million Daves, Bobs and Johns running around NOT being totally awesome and obviously it's all because of their boring-ass names.

So you decide to name your son something original, like Malcolm, Ivan or Dicksmash McIroncock.

Parágrafo 2

But in reality you have just sent your flesh and blood straight into the middle of a massive man-rape in the prison shower.

According to a study at the Shippensburg University, kids growing up with ordinary, popular names have a higher chance to become law abiding citizens, while all the unusually named ones should start deciding what state they want to commit their first felony in (friendly tip, skip Texas).

Parágrafo 3

The study lists the top 10 bad boy names in America as: Alec, Ernest, Garland, Ivan, Kareem, Luke, Malcolm, Preston, Tyrell and Walter, which we must point out are not the names of any serial killer or presidential assassin that has ever existed, so we're assuming the research is skewed in a certain direction.

Parágrafo 3 (continuação)

Ed Gein Ted Bundy David Berkowitz John Wayne Gacy Jeffrey Dahmer Gary Ridgway Belle Sorenson

Gunness Charles Manson

Albert Fish Herman Webster

Mudgett Coral Eugene

Watts Richard Angelo Andrew Cunanan

Nomes de Serial Killers mais famosos dos EUA:

Francisco Costa Rocha João Acácio Pereira da Costa Edson Izidoro Guimarães Francisco de Assis Pereira José Guerra Leitão Laerte Patrocínio Orpinelli Marcelo Costa de Andrade Fortunato Botton Neto Francisco das Chagas Rodrigues de Brito José Ramos

Nomes de Serial Killers mais famosos do Brasil:

The theory is that the additional attention garnered by odd and unusual names can cause peer ridicule and discrimination in the workforce, which tends to result in a few thousand Alecs and Prestons stealing toilet paper from the gas station.

So do your kid a favor and give him a typical law-abiding, mentally stable name, like Michael.

Parágrafo 4

MENINASJúlia

SophiaIsabella

Maria EduardaGioavanna

BeatrizManuelaRafaelaMarianaGabriela

MENINOS Gabriel

DaviMiguelArthur

MatheusLucas

GuilhermePedro

GustavoFelipe

Nomes mais comuns hoje em dia no Brasil:

Related Cohesion wordsApostila 1p. 02

BUT if the latest research is to be believed, even the good stuff…

HOWEVER, if the latest research is to be believed, even the good stuff…

NEVERTHELESS, if the latest research is to be believed, even the good stuff…

EVEN THOUGH THIS IS TRUE, if the latest research is to be believed, even the good stuff…

SO you decide to name your son something original…

CONSEQUENTLY, you decide to name your son something original…

AS A CONSEQUENCE, you decide to name your son something original…

ERGO, you decide to name your son something original…