ES Counseling and Guidance

Steve Hisler

1st, 3rd, & 5th

Grades

Room 15b in the Inner Circle

Ext. 527

shisler@asij.ac.jp

Naho Kikuchi

KG, 2nd & 4th Grades

Room 218, 2nd floor in the Cafeteria building

Ext. 529

nkikuchi@asij.ac.jp

Elementary SchoolCounseling and Guidance

FRIENDSHIP

Elementary School Friendships

• Development stages of friendships• Social cruelty• What parents can do• What we do in Guidance

Developmental Stages of Children’s Friendships

• Children possess different capacities for friendship

• Children grow at different rates• Differences do exist between boys

and girls• Children change as they grow; they

are not static

Key Points about Social Cruelty

• Children’s need for connection, recognition and power place them in naturally opposing positions with others, creating interpersonal conflict.

• “Children…act differently when they are with their peers.”

Group ThinkDiffusion of Responsibility Risky Shift

More About Social Cruelty

*Teasing and Name CallingExperiment in social power

*Rejection and ExclusionCardinal rule of the group:

“Be like everyone else”

*Bullying“…all children experiment with power and find it exciting.”

That said….KIDS DO MANAGE!

“Conflict is inevitable in friendship” but friends have the ability to resolve troubles.

“…the need for connection triumphs over conflicts,” but often not without time and suffering.

Children’s capacity for reconciliation is just as strong as the capacity for aggression.

Children are nicer to each other more than they are cruel – “99% of the school day is made up of cooperative acts!”

What Parents Can Do:Basic Assumptions:• We are trying our best as parents.• All of our kids are “good” and

“nice”.• We need to concentrate on our

own children.

What Parents Can Do

Don’t Worry So Much! • This doesn’t mean that the pain our

children suffer isn’t real.• Our worry is usually out of proportion

to the real danger• It works best if we get involved with

relaxed confidence rather than panic.

What Parents Can Do

Don’t Worry So Much! (cont.) • Children get over their pain

quickly (most of the time).• Interview for coping and

strategies; avoid interviewing for pain.

• Use a problem-solving model.

What Parents Can Do

Support Children’s Friendships• Set up play dates and monitor for

polite play• Know how your child and his/her

friends spend their time together• Socialize across cultural or racial

lines.

What Parents Can Do

Be a Good Friendship Model and Teacher

• Children need to see what a dedicated, loyal friendship looks like.

• Show what you do for a friend.• Live with respect and tolerance.• Teach that asking for help is OK!

What Parents Can Do

Make Friends with the Parents of Your Child’s Friends (and enemies)

• Make friendly conversations with other parents whenever possible.

• Avoid making a phone call in anger.

What We Do In Guidance

Active Listening Skills Feelings

Anger Management Friendship

Problem Solving Refusal Skills

Self- Esteem Cyber Safety

Teasing and Bullying

Our goals for students:

1. To take responsibility for their actions.

2.To understand the concept of respect andtolerance for self and others.

3. To teach healthy ways to

manage everyday life skills(communication, problemsolving, refusal skills,

conflictresolution, and use oftechnology.)