Coursework Development.

Draft 1

A brief description of your piece.

• A young girl gets killed by her best friend

in a Satanic Ritual. We intended for this to

be our whole 2 minute opening however

after we edited it together we realised it

was only 40 seconds long. Our project

was 1 minute, 20 seconds too short.

What did you think you needed to

change and why?

• Because our 1st draft was too short (as mentioned in the last slide) we needed to either re-film our project so it fit the time required or add an extra scene.

Audience Feedback.

• The feedback we received on our 1st draft is what lead to development of our later drafts. All of the feedback mentioned how they disliked the fact that Sarah didn’t make any dramatic sounds as she died and that there wasn’t any sound (non diegetic) playing behind to build the tension. They claimed that if we added these elements then the plot would be easier to understand.

Draft 2.

A brief description of your piece.

• We kept the death scene from our 1st draft but added a conversation between Jess and a fellow conspirator (Me) in which Jess gets emotional about the death of her best friend. We also added music that Sarah composed to play behind the death sequence.

What changes did we make and

why?

• As explained in the slide above we added to the end of our Death sequence a conversation between me and Jess which we intended to explain what Sarah did that lead to her being killed (Jess told her a secret that she promised the character of Esther she wouldn’t). This was because our Death sequence wasn’t long enough to fit the two minute mininmum.

What did you think you needed to

change and why?

• After looking over our 2nd draft we decided that the conversation between me and Jess wasn’t as clear as we wanted it to be. It didn’t explain why Sarah was killed or who the character of Esther actually is. We wanted the conversation to be more than just filler for the 1 minute and 20 seconds we had missing to fit the time requirement.

Audience Feedback.

• The overall feedback we received was that people didn’t like the conversation as it wasn’t clear what was going on and they weren’t sure how it fit into the Psychological Thriller genre.

Draft 3.

A brief description of our piece.

• We added to draft 2 and

establishing shot of the outside of

Jess’s house so the credits could

flash up during that shot.

What changes did we make and why?

• We added the establishing

shot of Jess’s house at the

beginning of our Project and

put the credits over the top.

What did we think needed to

change and why?

• The discussion (as mentioned in

our Audience Feedback for our

2nd draft) and the timing of the

credits as we wanted to time them

with the music.

Audience Feedback.

• They still wanted us to change the conversation and agreed with us on the idea of making the credits come up in time with the music.

Draft 4.

A brief description of our piece.

• We decided after a long discussion over

the pro’s and con’s of our 3rd draft that

we would replace the conversation with a

dream sequence showing abstract

imagery of how Jess is feeling about the

situation she is in. This also helped us

show the genre as “Psychological

Thriller” as it is based around her mind.

What changes did we make and why?

• We got rid of the unclear conversation between Jess’s character and my character and replaced it with the dream sequence.

• We found music on a Creative Common’s website to play behind the dream sequence.

• We made the credits come on in time with the music.

What did we think needed to

change and why?

• The conversation as it didn’t

feel/look right and while editing it

together I kept screaming about

how I look like a troll in our first

draft and how conversation scene

should perish.

Audience Feedback.

• Our feedback for our final draft was really

positive. They said they liked the scene

with the Well (in the dream sequence) as it

explained that my character wasn’t real

and they preferred the dream sequence to

the conversation.

THE END.Esther Draft 1 (No Music) –http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z04M1oMP9Lc

Esther Draft 1 -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sIFRJpqQHI

Esther Draft 1.5 -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXeH1F8NYEY

Esther Draft 2 (Incomplete) –http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LB6MfTMtWFM

Esther Final Draft -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIe0y4XeT6g