CMS 332COMMUNICATION IN THE FAMILY

FINALFamily Collage

By, Garrett Doyle12/5/2012

The Barone’s of:

-Family Members/ Roles (3-7)-Cohesion and Structure (8-9)-Conflicts (10-11)-Families of Origin (12)-Intimacy Factors (13-14)-Barriers to Communication(15-16)-Relational Currencies (17)-Improvements to Communication (18)-Bibliography (19)

Left to Right: Frank, Ray, Robert, Debra, Marie

Raymond “Ray” Barone

Ray is the main character of the show, he is married to Debra. They live across directly across the street from his parents and brother, which causes a lot of conflict.

Ray is a sportswriter, but works from home. This causes Ray to be at home a lot more than the average husband.

He is classified as the provider for the family, as he earns the money.

Debra Barone

Debra is Ray’s wife, and is her role is caregiver to their three children.

Due to their close proximity to Ray’s parents, they are often meddling with Debra’s parenting and housekeeping.

Marie Barone

Marie is Ray’s mother, and Debra’s mother in law. She is manipulative, and often times passive aggressive.

She feels that Debra is an inadequate housekeeper, and often shows blatant favoritism towards Ray.

Frank Barone

Frank is Ray’s father, and often a strong, masculine figure.

Frank is a former veteran, and often acts as the family “harda**.” He acts uncaring towards Marie, and uninterested in the events around him, but this is revealed to be part of his self image.

“Holy crap.”

Robert Barone

Robert is Ray’s brother, and NYPD policeman.

He is often “shafted” in favour of Ray, including Marie sometimes showing Ray more affection.

Robert has many quirks due to this including touching his food to his chin, and an inadequacy complex.

Cohesion of the Barone’s

The Barone’s would best be described as an enmeshed family.

Due to the close proximity of Ray’s parents, Ray and Deb almost never get any independence. This affects Debra more than Ray, because Marie often intrudes and undermines Debra’s housekeeping.

Textbook definition is as follows: “Family members experience extreme closeness, loyalty, dependence, and almost no individuality.”

Despite Ray being the provider, housekeeper Debra is seen as the head of Ray’s and her home.

Cohesion of the Barone’s (Cont.)

The family structure would be classified as structured. They don’t go through a lot of change, but the big change that happens within the family is who holds the most power at the given time. Usually Debra or Marie.

Boundaries: the Barone’s have few. This is because Marie tends to invade all of them, from reading Ray’s childhood diary to asking Debra to be more intimate with Ray.

Power in the Barone family.

Despite making the money, Debra is seen as head of the house.

She makes all the decisions about the money and children, and what she expects Ray to do.

Marie often challenges Debra for the power whenever she gets involved. Citing Debra’s lack of housekeeping/parenting skills, despite not having the best ones herself.Ray also himself has little power and often finds himself carrying out the wishes of both Marie or Debra. The same could be said for Robert, as he lives with Marie and Frank, he often powerless to them controlling his life. Frank has situational power, though he acts uninterested to the events around him, when he says something serious, they usually listen.

Central Conflicts

There’s plenty of conflict in the Barone’s family structure, but there’s three big ones:

Debra/Marie: Marie sees Debra as an unfitting housekeeper. Debra sees Marie as intrusive, and manipulative. They often conflict over ideals about running a household, and it usually involves Marie getting too involved.

Ray/Robert: Robert often feels that he is neglected in favor to Ray. Though he denies it, Ray often taunts Robert with it.

Barone’s/Frank: Due to his strong presence, and overbearing nature, Frank tends to conflict with several members of the family. Often calling Robert out for being whiny, or Ray for being needy. He often conflicts with Marie, about spousal things. He’s said on occasion he feels bad for Debra, but they’ve also had issues in the past.

Families of Origin Ray’s family was always very

enmeshed. As a child Frank was allegedly very strict, where Marie was often overbearingly kind and involved. According to Robert, Ray was treated more favorably to himself. Due to the constant inconsistencies Ray and Robert both have their issues. Ray clearly has separation issues with his parents, and Robert has low self-esteem.

Debra comes from a wealthy family, and was treated well by her parents. Being an only child, she had a lot of independence. Due to the closeness of the Barone’s, she’s seen a lot of the individuality dissipate.

“The term Family of Origin influences refers to how current relational experiences reflect: (1) unique multigenerational transmissions and (2) the members’ ethnic heritages.” (46)

Intimacy Factors

Sacrifice: All the members of the Barone’s exhibit some form of sacrifice. Ray sacrifices his independence when Debra asks him to work from home. Debra sacrifices her individuality for the sake of the family, as does Robert for financial reasons. Marie and Frank don’t make as many sacrifices, but Marie would say that they would.

“In addition to commitment, and sexual communication, partners and family members develop closeness and intimacy through members’ efforts and sacrifices… (142)”

Ray and Deb, have an intimate chat in bed.

Intimacy Factors Cont.

Effort: Ray makes the most effort out of all the family. This is because Debra expects him to simultaneously work and raise the children from home. “mental love maps” (143) are an idea that respective spouses should know instantly when something's wrong with them. Debra often berates Ray for not having a very good one.

Due to Frank’s reluctance to hug his sons, Marie, Debra, and Amy force them to.

Barriers to Intimacy

Jealousy plays a large role in the show, as Robert and Marie are jealous of Ray and Debra respectively.

Marie often shows favoritism towards Ray, this is a pattern that has followed Robert for his entire life. He’s often jealous at all the attention that Ray gets as a result.

Marie is jealous of Debra because Debra married Ray, and took on the role of his primary caregiver.

Robert and Frank steal Ray’s soup because Marie made specifically for Ray.

“Jealousy results from the perception that a treasured relationship is threatened, usually by another person.” (146)

Barriers to Intimacy Cont.

Deception: Marie is often most guilty of this barrier. She often lies, manipulates, or withholds information from the rest of the family. She’s done so to the degree of lying to her own son about his actual birth date.

She’s also used deception about her own marriage, and births of her children.

Debra also tends to use deception, in relation to both parents over involvement in their lives.

Marie; one of the most deceptive characters on the show.

“Deception involves communicating or withholding information knowingly and intentionally for the purpose of creating a false belief” (146)

Relational Currencies

DEBRA BARONE MARIE BARONE

When dealing with her husband, Debra uses physically affection to communicate her love for him.

When dealing with the in-laws, Debra is often passive aggressive, but more open to communication, then they usually are.

Marie uses food and cooking to show her love to the family. She often makes them feel guilty about only using her for food, despite her inviting them over with the promise of food.

Marie is very passive aggressive as well, she avoids conflict by manipulating others to conflict for her.

Possible improvements to Familiar Communication

Ray and Debra should be honest with Marie and Frank. If they’re meddling too much, they shouldn’t be afraid to tell them, nor should they get someone else to do it for them.

Marie and Frank should be more considerate, I know they’re family, but they give Ray and Debra no personal space. Marie should also be more respectful of Debra’s wishes, and let her have independence.

Robert should confront Ray about his low-self esteem. Letting all those emotions pile up for 30 years hasn’t worked out so far.

Basically more honest and open forms of communication would be best. More direct communication too.

Bibliography

Galvin, Kathleen M., Carma Lee Bylund, and Bernard J. Brommel. Family communication: cohesion and change. 8th ed. Boston: Pearson Allyn and Bacon, 2012. Print.

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