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How to help your child cope with bullying

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Strategies for Understanding Bullying & How to Help Your Child Overcome It Presented by the Child Protection Center of Sarasota and Jennifer Hancock - author of The Bully Vaccine

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  • 1.Mandy OMalley Child Protection Center Personal Safety & Community Awareness Program 941-365-1277, ext. 106 [email protected] Jen Hancock The Bully Vaccine 727-231-4862 TheBullyVaccine.com [email protected] How to Help Your Child Cope With Bullying Strategies for Understanding Bullying & How to Help Your Child Overcome It

2. What is Bullying? Bullying is aggressive behavior that is intentional (not accidental or done in fun) that involves an imbalance of power or strength. Bullying is repeated over time. Bullying can take many forms, such as: hitting or punching, teasing or name-calling, intimidation through gestures, social exclusion, and sending insulting messages or pictures by mobile phone or using the Internet (also known as cyberbullying). 3. Four Types of Bullying Verbal & Non-Verbal Sexual Ignoring/isolation Teasing Jokes Name calling Gossip Threats Teasing with sexual overtones Touching Jokes Saying someone is gay Pictures E-mail Graffiti Sexual Assault Property Physical Hiding belongings Theft Extortion (blackmail) Vandalism Destruction of property Blocking someones path Physical restraint Pushing Kicking Tripping Punching 4. What is Cyberbullying? When someone repeatedly harasses, mistreats, or makes fun of another person online or while using cell phones or other electronic devices. This can occur via the Internet, text messaging, or other forms of electronic communication. Vicious forum posts, name calling in chat rooms or video games, posting fake profiles on web sites and mean or cruel email messages are all ways of cyberbullying. 5. Forms of Cyberbullying A threatening e-mail or message Nasty instant message session Repeated text messages sent to a cell phone A website set up to mock others Borrowing someones screen name and pretending to be them while sharing content Forwarding supposedly private messages, pictures, or video to others Posting pictures with words, images or other content intended to harm 6. Prevalence of Bullying One in seven students from grades K-12 are either bullies or victims of bullying 56% of students have seen some sort of bullying happen at their school. Bullying is the most common form of violence in our society. An estimated 160,000 children miss school every day because they fear attack or intimidation by bullies Each month, 282,000 students report being attacked in high schools throughout the nation American schools hold 2.1 million bullies and 2.7 of their targets www.dosomething.org 7. What are the signs that a child is being bullied? Not wanting to go to school or change in school performance Wanting to change route to school or transportation, or taking illogical routes to and from Bruises, scratches, missing or damaged belongings Headaches, stomachaches, feeling sick Anxiety, Depression, Mood Changes, Outbursts Changes in friends, interests, or activities Changes in use of computer, phone & social media Torn, damaged, missing pieces of clothing, books, etc Appetite changes 8. What makes a Bully tick? Bullies have their own problems. Dont assume you know what they are dealing with. Feel compassion for them http://thebullyvaccine.com 9. The hardest part is compassion Frame of mind Inoculates you from bullying Helps you to not be troubled by what the bully is doing or saying. http://thebullyvaccine.com 10. Assertive Behaviors for Students Characteristics of assertive behavior include expressing your feelings, needs, ideas, and rights in ways that dont violate the rights of others. Honest, direct, expressive, spontaneous, and self- enhancing. Assertive persons make their own choices, are confident, and feel good about themselves while being assertive and afterward. They usually achieve their goals; when they dont, they still feel good about themselves because they know they have been straightforward. Acting assertively reinforces their good feelings about themselves, improves self-confidence, and creates free, honest, and open relationships with others. Anti-Violence Initiative, The College of New Jersey, 2013, http://oavi.pages.tcnj.edu/ 11. Empathy & Bullying The ability to understand what someone is feeling. Empathy changes the kind of decisions and actions we take. When empathy is in full bloom, many things change and it does becomes almost impossible not to help. Dr. David Hamilton Develop empathy by modeling kindness, acceptance and compassion Change from reacting to bullying, to pro-acting towards empathy "Empathy is the very means by which we create social life and advance civilization." - JEREMY RIFKIN 12. Confidence & Bullying Prevention Reinforce confident behavior by praising children for positive behavior and leadership skills as they demonstrate them Praise and compliment your children. Encourage your child to participate in sports or physical activity to improve esteem. Teach children how to act confident. Hold your head up, stand up straight, make eye-contact, and walk confidently. Bullying Prevention: Recommendations for Kids, University of Colorado at Boulder, http://www.colorado.edu/cspv/publications/factsheets/safeschools/FS- SC10.pdf 13. Reinforcement & Responses There are three types of reinforcements. Positive where the animal likes what just happened. Negative where they dont. And neutral which is neither positive nor negative. Not reward the bullying Compassion Respond in a bored, uninteresting way http://thebullyvaccine.com 14. How to Reinforce Variable Strong Weak Consistent Consistent Constistent http://thebullyvaccine.com 15. Real Life Application 0 5 10 15 20 Before Escalation Extinguished http://thebullyvaccine.com 16. How long does this take? It is easier to prevent than to extinguish (stop the behavior) If it is a chronic bullying issue it may take a while. Is it worth it? Yes child will learn confidence and how to deal with difficult behavior Real Life Examples Name Calling Threats of Violence Actual Violence http://thebullyvaccine.com 17. When to Take Intervention to the Next Level Record the details of the incident(s) Report to the school or organization according to the policies and procedures in place. Follow up on the action that they are taking Work together to find a solution. 18. To Summarize If Its verbal handle it themselves specific phrase of bored non-reinforcing nature If its a threat threaten to report calmly and with compassion If its violent report it calmly and with compassion Repeat as necessary http://thebullyvaccine.com 19. Question & Answer Mandy OMalley Child Protection Center Personal Safety & Community Awareness Program 941-365-1277, ext. 106 [email protected] Jen Hancock The Bully Vaccine 727-231-4862 TheBullyVaccine.com [email protected]